r/okbuddycinephile • u/KaidoPklevel • 6h ago
A historically accurate adaptation of 'The Odyssey'
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u/Fazakh1 6h ago
bro gonna make it in Ancient Greek 😭 then musk will be crying about it not being in English
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u/DrSpaceman575 5h ago
Chris Pratt be like "ἄνδρα μοι ἔννεπε, μοῦσα, πολύτροπον, ὃς μάλα πολλὰ πλάγχθη, ἐπεὶ Τροίης ἱερὸν πτολίεθρον ἔπερσεν: πολλῶν δ᾽ ἀνθρώπων ἴδεν ἄστεα καὶ νόον ἔγνω, πολλὰ δ᾽ ὅ γ᾽ ἐν πόντῳ πάθεν ἄλγεα ὃν κατὰ θυμόν, 5ἀρνύμενος ἥν τε ψυχὴν καὶ νόστον ἑταίρων."
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u/GoldTrade11 5h ago
Bro will go down on to full historical accuracy and make 100s of ethnic groups in the region and make them speak myriad of extinct languages like Doric. Don't tell the crazies, history is more diverse than they think.
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u/TheDrDzaster 3h ago
Linguistic homogeny is a product of 19th century nationalism lmaooo
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u/Logic-DL 3h ago
Mel Gibson using the dark arts to actually resurrect every god and goddess in the epic just so he can film them doing their thing all over again
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u/Think_Ad_1583 3h ago
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u/LordAlvis 2h ago
as Maximus Derekus.
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u/Think_Ad_1583 2h ago
No I mean literally everybody. I want him to be like the Oompa Loompas from the Burton version of the chocolate factory
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u/BrainOnBlue 2h ago
I'd be down for a version of the Odyssey where every character is Jason Mantzoukas in a different costume.
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u/Ancient_Presence 4h ago
As an ancient language nerd, that would go so hard. However, having experts coaching every actor to get the phonology, and especially the pitch accent right, could potentially be a nightmare.
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u/VibgyorTheHuge 6h ago
Imagine if all of the MAGA directors decline and then Elon has no option but to hire Uwe Boll.
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u/lamelad10 6h ago
Reminds me of Eipstein incident
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u/Alarming_Orchid 6h ago
Hey Elon, actually the entirety of Hollywood just decided to stop making movies indefinitely. Yeah, all of them at once. I’ll let you know if we come back
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u/Waytooboredforthis 6h ago
Don't lie, you'd slow down to look at that grisly car crash.
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u/QueueModernsXXXX 6h ago
I’m down, but only if Boll matches or exceeds Nolan’s runtime - maybe get someone like Russell Brand to be Odysseus.
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u/Pale-Measurement-532 5h ago
Put Kevin Spacey and Armie Hammer in there too.
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u/QueueModernsXXXX 5h ago
I actually almost went with Spacey, but decided on Brand due to Matt Damon’s Odysseus beard.
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u/I_ateabucketofpaint 6h ago
Uwe Boll will just make chatgpt do it
Remember that he has 3 separate mass shooter movies
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u/Garthmetro 6h ago
Fascinated to see the historically accurate giant man eating Cyclops. Or witches. Or sea monsters
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u/Odd-Homework-3582 6h ago
As long as they’re played by WASPs it is accurate
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u/absolutely_not_spock 6h ago
Sydney will play the sirens…
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u/oofty_goofty_ cape kino make me🤑🤑🤑 5h ago
Fully nude, with extra jiggle physics added.
There will also be scenes about how women need to be more modest and stop being whores
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u/Wild-Lychee-3312 3h ago
I will only accept this if everyone is fully nude. Everyone. The entire cast.
Also I demand extra jiggle physics added for Scylla and Charybdis.
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u/Famous-Midnight-5634 5h ago
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u/wethepeople1977 2h ago
Funny that there was no screaming about historical accuracy when this came out.
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u/Jetsam5 DonCheadleAMA 5h ago
Honestly my biggest problem with the Nolan Odyssey was how grounded the monsters were. The cyclops never spoke, Scylla was barely seen, and the sirens weren't seen at all.
I honestly can't imagine what a "historically accurate" version would look like
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u/PineappleHamburders 6h ago
£100 million. In this economy?
You want to do a direct adaptation, with all period accurate everything, including making all the dialogue in a language that was never a spoken language to begin with......all for £100m?
That's a lot of damn work, and would will need to hire a lot of people to work long ass hours that are going to be wanting more than peanuts for their time
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u/Worth_External_8762 6h ago
It's gonna be period accurate, but it'll take place in one room like War of the Worlds 2025 starring Ice Cube. And period accurate Amazon product placements to supplement the budget.
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u/Ghost_Of_Malatesta 6h ago
To be truly period accurate, it's just going to be an old Greek guy yelling at the viewer
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u/malphasalex 5h ago
Half the budget will be spent on finding a Greek guy who can speak Homeric Greek, also his last name can’t be ending with -oglou since that’s surely a sign of ottoman influence and would not be period accurate
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u/Ghost_Of_Malatesta 5h ago
He's actually going to grow a person in a lab so their cognitive capabilities are free of the influence of writing
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u/malphasalex 5h ago
I’m sure they can find plenty of people among their supporters whose cognitive capabilities are free of pretty much anything
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u/therrubabayaga 6h ago
The only valid answer here.
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u/Jetstream-Sam 6h ago
I hope an amphora of cheap wine is included in the ticket price for authenticity. It might actually be enjoyable then
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u/Special_Order-937 6h ago
I’m reminded of those Atlas Shrugged movies for some reason.
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u/EarthGoddessDude 6h ago
Did anyone actually watch those movies? I mean, I obviously don’t watch *any* movies, and I don’t mean to imply that you do, but like, where can one get a sense of what those movies were like (without obviously having to watch them).
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u/SeBretwalda 6h ago
Imagine a series of earnest LinkedIn people meeting in corporate vaguely art deco hotels, and bragging about the fact they actually know how to change a tyre. At two points the entire group gets up and is replaced by vaguely similar looking people.
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u/thorpie88 6h ago
The fact the Amazon stuff was in the film already and then they picked it up to release it is really bizarre
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u/Rainy_Wavey 6h ago
Ice Cube was in a trully bizarre movie, and it was shit
Notorious BIG was in a trully bizarre anime, and it was peak
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u/SignalSecurity 6h ago
You're right. It's just Kevin Spacey as Odysseus sitting in Plato's cave, reacting to shadow puppets for six hours.
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u/Clear_Tom0rrow 6h ago
It will literally just be a close up shot Homer telling the story. All in one take. All in Greek.
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u/Comfortable-Bid-5212 6h ago
A historically accurate Odyssey is just ten years of Mycenaean pirates raiding random Mediterranean farmers.
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u/NEON_SAMURAI17754 6h ago
Historically accurate to them is no black people
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u/Kingcanute99 6h ago
These idiots actually think that they are part of the same ethnic group as Greeks. Their ancestors and mine (I'm English) spent 2000 years bonking each other on the heads to steal sheep before we finally caught up with the Greeks. The ancient Greeks would have thought more highly of the Nubians than of the British and Dutch and Norse.
Then our ancestors conquered the world and made up a story about how Greece and England were actually part of the same place because they both happened to be Christian at the time, and ran around crowing about their incredible heritage.
And these goons believe it!
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u/Ok_Daikon_1219 3h ago
That's what actually gets me about their historical accuracy posts. Ancient Greece hated northern Europeans just as much, and sometimes even more than they did subsaharan Africans. Literally look up Aristolean racism and it's the funniest shit on the planet. Homer himself wrote very favorably about East Africans and probably wouldn't have minded black characters in an adaptation (assuming he actually existed which he probably didn't). A Celt on the other hand? Holy fuck lmfao (at least based off contemporaries of the time).
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u/Ketchupcharger 6h ago
Nolan's Odyssey reportedly cost 250 mil, which compared to the cost of other comparable movies and shows like GoT is quite moderate.
With actual ships, filming on water, all the battles and shit, I can easily see this going to 400mil +, Nolan really did a great job with the budget here, I doubt anyone could beat him in terms of price/performance
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u/SnakeEater013 5h ago
I was watching an interview and Matt Damon was saying basically everyone on the Odyssey were working below their normal rate just to be working with Nolan. Like, the entire production are all award winning at each of their jobs, the director of photographry is Hoyte van Hoytema who is basically considered the best dp in the business right now. Then every single role is an actor you've heard of before.
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u/pinkmarsh99 6h ago
The thing is I wouldn't mind a historically accurate retelling of ancient Greek stories. Do the whole thing. Have everyone be played by men. Have it be filmed like a stage play. Encourage audience interaction and expression. Give us food to throw at the screen.
Basically make it an all male Rocky Horror Picture Show but in Greek.
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u/No_queen940 6h ago
Bro is doing a serious line item budget analysis on an okbuddy shitpost
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u/tom-of-the-nora 6h ago
It is a work of fiction, but if he wants to make it historically, it'll have to be a stage play because they didn't have cameras in ancient greece.
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u/JanitorOPplznerf 6h ago
I'm pretty sure he's trolling. Choosing Mel Gibson makes it pretty obvious he's just trying to 'Own the Libs'.
Even Elon knows it would take more than that to make a movie.
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u/Objective-Garlic9478 6h ago
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u/ttw81 6h ago
what song is he singing?
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u/Substantial-Ad2200 6h ago
The right needed its own whites only Super Bowl halftime show. Now it needs its own whites only version of the odyssey. Are they just going to make their own shitty version of everything?
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u/LayWhere 4h ago
They already live in that bubble.
Just look at all creative maga output, Kid Rock and the Melania movie for example.
And its all total shit, they not only lack diversity but any creative talent what so ever.
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u/WintersDoomsday 6h ago
Wait are you telling me things lacking diversity are just lesser?
Gasp, never could have predicted that.
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u/LorelaiWitTheLazyEye 6h ago
I know this is only topic adjacent, but I’m making a historically accurate movie about Elon Musk
https://giphy.com/gifs/Bjls7UM48fMfm
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u/Sheepish_conundrum 6h ago
historically accurate? so it's a movie watching a guy write a book?
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u/Auggie_Otter 5h ago
The Odyssey wasn't originally written down. It's an epic poem that was part of an oral tradition passed down through memorization and would sort of be sung or recited to the audience in a rhythm (dactylic hexameter) that made it easier to remember.
A typical full traditional performance of the epic took about 20 hours, usually broken up over several days.
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u/AwysomeAnish 4h ago
usually broken up over several days.
I love the implication of one really dedicated guy going at it for 20 hours while a bunch of equally dedicated people listen to it for 20 hours
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u/LogicalInfo1859 4h ago
Open Reddit
Read phrase "dactylic hexameter"
?????
Profit
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u/Substantial-Ad2200 6h ago
“Historically accurate depiction of an ancient fantasy story.”
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u/Iluvatar-Great 6h ago
Oh no, you don't understand. They don't care about realism, they just don't like black people.
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u/_soosleloshem 6h ago
Elon please do this because it'll be so funny when it fails
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u/RockyMullet 6h ago
They could double feature it with Melania.
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u/_soosleloshem 6h ago
Maybe Melania herself could play Helen of Troy?
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u/man_fuck_these_subs 6h ago
fuck yes, I wanna see MAGA performing mental gymnastics to claim that Melania is hotter than Lupita lmao
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u/Tifoso89 6h ago
Dunno, Mel Gibson is insane but he has made great movies. Obviously he'll need more than $100 million.
If it fails it's because they won't be able to attract top talent, since they might not want to be associated with Musk
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u/Immediate_Gain_9480 6h ago
You can say what you want. But the man knows story structure.
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u/Complete_Crazy_4887 6h ago
Depends. Apocalypto Mel Gibson would be great for a more classical interpretation of the Odyssey.
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u/Shoddy_Newspaper_718 6h ago
Historically accurate adaptation of a myth, that was told by a bunch of dead cunts, each of them adding some new mad shit each time.
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u/systemsmith 6h ago
To the man who cast James Patrick Caviezel as a middle eastern itinerant preacher.
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u/Rainy_Wavey 6h ago
I actually would pay to watch a Mel Gibson Odyssey, i completely disagree with him politically but he has a very pleasant style of film making
Of course when Elon musk says historically accurate (a Poem about an event that prolly never happened btw) he just means "remove all non-WASP from the movie)
100 milions $isn't enough for that type of epic fantasy it's gonna look cheap AF
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u/the_guynecologist 6h ago
...he's genuinely a really good director despite, y'know, that incident with the cop. And the incident with his ex-wife. And the incident with the guy who wrote Showgirls. But fuck man, Apocalypto's a really good movie. I wish he'd direct more.
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u/DUCKSONQUACKS 6h ago edited 5h ago
He’s also just a weird choice for a historically accurate movie anyway. Braveheart and Apocalypto are VERY good movies. They’re also mostly historical fiction and wildly inaccurate in properly displaying the cultures of the people they’re portraying and (in Bravehearts case) making up/changing real documented events for extra drama. I don’t have a huge problem with it (every story needs drama I get it) but Mel Gibson getting painted as a “extremely true to the time, historical purist” has really never been a thing
Despite all that, still a good director, just a garbage person
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u/the_guynecologist 5h ago
just a garbage person
In Mel's defense he did just think he deserved to be blown before the Jacuzzi, not afterwards. Okay, maybe he expressed that notion a bit too harshly to his wife but see, he's not that abhorrent. Just listen to the man:
https://youtu.be/LceKh_NjDZU?t=92
Sure his tone's a bit much but I think that's a perfectly reasonable request. She should've blown him before the Jacuzzi.
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u/No-Document206 6h ago
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that one’s ability as a director is not directly related to one’s moral decency
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u/Stunning-Bowler7683 5h ago
"Probably never happened" buddy this isn't robin hood. This story has witches, 10 foot cannibals, cyclops, huge sea monsters, and immortal nymph girls. This did not happen.
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u/SirArthurDime 6h ago
I like Mel Gibson’s films. But the lack of budget, not being able to attract enough talent, and the fact that the movie is being made solely to fight some nonsense culture war would be sure to make this film unwatchable.
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u/karatemnn 6h ago
would rather make a fantasy movie than help poor white people
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u/Nathmikt 6h ago
You see, The Oddysey is a work of fantasy, because the law of Zeus says to be nice to others. Which is an outrageous concept, because how can you be nice to poor people?
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u/ThickandSpicyMan I saw Joker and im 10😎😎😎 6h ago
Didn’t this mf want Uwe Boll to direct? Uwe Boll makes a movie that gets the hard right erect and suddenly everyone forgets he made House of the Dead and Far Cry.
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u/Big77Ben2 6h ago
Let’s just say for a second he meant period accurate not historically accurate, because it’s not history. What DID Greek and Turkish people look like then?
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u/Embarrassed-Dig7183 6h ago
It’s 2 hours of Mel Gibson talking directly to the camera in a blank room
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u/ThinkPath1999 5h ago
An historically accurate version of a fictional story? Gotcha..
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u/Fudge_Runyon 6h ago
Can we get a historically accurate adaptation of ‘The Holy Bible’ too please?
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u/Mindless_Log2009 6h ago
Y'know, the worst part about the Bible was the hypocrisy.
No, wait... it was the rape. 🤔
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u/JackKovack 6h ago
Mel Gibson isn’t interested silly asshole. Mel Gibson would tell him to do something with a lot of expletives.
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u/Regit_Jo 6h ago
I would watch the fuck out of a Mel Gibson Odyssey, but this dumbass has to give Mel like 500,000,000 for any of this to be worth it. Stop being such a cheapo Mr. Trillionaire.
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u/The-Bangaloreal 6h ago
100mil is too less .. he can probably make a Achilles heel movie with that money
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u/Substantial-Ad2200 6h ago
Cyclopses didn’t exist. Sirens didn’t exist. Witches didn’t exist. Zeus Athena Poseidon Hades didn’t exist. Etc. Gonna be a boring ass movie!
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u/draft_final_final 6h ago
“gork make me a historically accurate version of the odyssey. No gay shit or black people. Odysseus has to look like me. Make no mistakes.”