It has been 82 days since my dad passed unexpectedly and everyday feels just as awful as the first ones, I think today was even worse than the first week. I miss him so much and I just want him back, the worse part is that somehow I think he will come back.

I hate being alive, I don't find joy in anything, I wake up and I just do whatever so the time passes and I can go back to sleep, life in my dreams feels better than my actual life so being awake is torture, I can't imagine 1, 5, 10 years of this, much less 30 or 40.

Nobody talks about my dad, it's like he never existed, my mother, sister and niece seem like they have already moved on, how can anyone move on in a few months after living with someone for decades? I just cry when I'm alone and people think I'm better so nobody checks on me.

I'm so tired, I just want to be with my dad.

I don’t even know what to do right now.

I just found out my dad’s longtime girlfriend (basically my stepmom) passed away. They would’ve been together 10 years this august. My dad died 2 months ago, and she was doing really really badly emotionally. I don’t know the cause yet, but I think she had a broken heart. She’s one of the only people who really knew my dad, and now I feel like I lost another part of him.

I’m hurting so badly, but I can at least hope they’re happy together wherever they are ❤️

I’ve never posted here before but this happened some months ago and I have no idea what to make of it and I really need help from someone who will understand. I feel like my feelings have nowhere to go and I can’t talk to anybody.

I’m a broke kid, 17 yo, so last Christmas I just made handmade gifts. I made handmade personalized cards for everybody, and so I made one for my older sister too. We lost her suddenly two years ago (12/12/24) from fentanyl overdose so the holidays are especially rough. I wrote everything that I wanted to say to her in the letter, sealed it, and left it under the tree. I didn’t even let my mom read it, though she asked. It’s supposed to be just between me and her. The letter got put in her corner (above the piano with pictures of her, her urn, and her favorite things) and is still there.

Well a couple months ago my little brothers dad (we do not share a dad and my mom is no longer with him) came over to see him and while I was upstairs he opened the letter and read it. Didn’t even ask. When I came back down he sat me down to talk about the contents of the letter and give me some advice. I broke down into tears, which he seemed to take as grieving tears (and some were) but it was mostly out of frustration and confusion. On one hand, the advice he gave was pretty solid, and I know he’s coming from a loving and understanding place. He lost his 7 year old son from his previous marriage in 2021, so he knows grief.

On the other hand, i’m really upset. I’m still upset. That letter was only for my sister. He saw a sealed letter addressed to my deceased sister and decided it was within his right to be the one to open it. I feel like it ruined it. How can I know that my sister got to read the letter if he opened it for himself? I’m really conflicted about this because I don’t think he had any ill intention but I can’t help but feel upset about this. I have not brought it up to him that what he did upset me, and I don’t intend to. I don’t have a good relationship with him in the first place and avoid him mostly. That’s another reason why I can’t understand why he would read it, we aren’t even close. Does anybody have any advice or input on this that can help me deal with this? Any kind words are appreciated.

The pictures are of the letter and my beautiful sister. She would be turning 28 this year :)

Our 27 y/o son died June 1. We just got the tox report. Cocaine and alcohol. He was a gifted attorney with an amazing girlfriend, parents who loved, encouraged and supported him with his whole life ahead of him. Why would he throw away EVERYTHING he worked so hard for this way. I’m just numb. Where did we go wrong? We taught him better than this and now I feel like we were being snowed by him. His gf is the sweetest person in the world and was always on him about eating healthy and taking care of himself! She would be devastated to know the truth. They were doing a long distance relationship, seeing each other every 2 weeks and she was moving to be closer to him next month. I never suspected this in a million years. I feel like not only did my son died but the image of the man I thought I knew and loved did as well. I swear this hurts more than the initial phone call…

I work at a Foster Care Agency. I've known this child since he was placed in his current Foster home 1 1/2 years ago. He was also Autistic. He loved: Super Why, Bluey, Cars, Minecraft, Roblox, music, and playing outside. Was a fun kid to be around. I was one of his workers for a while, until I moved departments. However, I have been close with the Foster Family for years now. He was diagnosed with Leukemia this past March. He caught rhinovirus a few weeks ago, which landed him in the hospital. Fungal pneumonia then developed in his lungs. I had just seen him the day before, visiting outside of work hours. I would help be with him sometimes while the Foster mom took care of his siblings. She was a few hours away taking care of things at their new house. She called me screaming crying at 9pm. Told me "The doctors have been working on him for 20 minutes. He's not going to make it. I don't want him to die alone. Can you please go over there? I'm on my way, but two hours away". For context, I was about 15 minutes from the hospital. I raced over as fast as I could. Nurses were outside his hospital room crying. Janitors were cleaning and mopping. I knew he was gone at that point. A supervisor from my agency showed up, and we waited together for Foster mom to arrive. My heart is so broken. He was never "my" child, but I consider all children I work with to be "mine". I'm not sure how to grieve or go through this process. The last person I lost was my grandmother in 2012. I have never lost a child in my life. I'm just an agency worker. I wasn't family, I wasn't part of his daily life, but I hope I made a difference. Rest peacefully buddy.

Yesterday, my sister was found by her roommate dead in their room. She hanged herself using a bedsheet. My mother called me for the first time in two years to break the news. I didn't believe her. I thought she just wanted to have access to me until our youngest came to the phone. He was the closest to where she lived. When they talked to her friends, they said she hadn't seen her on campus since the semester started almost two weeks ago. It took 3 days of constant messaging before she responded to them. She told them that she was "alive and well" and that she was going home for a while. I don't know how to feel anything. I tried to call her phone. I still have the instinct to call and scold her. To tell her she's dumb or so selfish. That I didn't waste almost four years of putting her through school for nothing while working in another country. She was smarter than that. I don't know why she would do that. I'm so mad. I was coming home. Why couldn't she wait? We could have talked.

Im just dealing with the year after losing my dad... and im finding the milestones a lot harder.

He died before fathers day and before my birthday, by a month/two.

I think.. maybe i hadnt quite processed his death enough last year for me to really feel it, maybe?

Because this year... fathers day was like a repeated shot to my chest every time i went in a shop. And my birthday is coming up and ALL i can think about is how he isnt here to say happy birthday, to give me a shit card with a couple of copper coins taped in...

This year is just harder than last...

I guess i wondered if anyone had felt similar?

It’s 1 am. I lost my son this morning, I thought I would wake up and it would all just be a nightmare. He would’ve been 3 months old Thursday. Our dog died a week ago and I hadn’t been sleeping well- waking at 3am to feed the baby and not able to fall back to sleep. Last night he was so fussy, I took him in the bed after I fed him. He didn’t wake up.
I don’t know how to live with myself.. They said it didn’t look like a co sleeping accident but I know it was. My sweet innocent boy. I don’t know how to live with myself

I feel completely overwhelmed. I don’t know how people do this. To people who also lost their mom, I’m so sorry. This pain is insane. I love you ma. I miss you.

Edit- Just want to say thank you for everybody that posted something. It helps reading through them, makes me feel less alone in a way. I’m sorry we have to go through this.

This month has been an emotional rollercoaster.
My sister came near death a couple weeks ago due to stage 4 cancer complications and made an amazing recovery. But now is back down hill again. Liver is failing and fluid is going from liver to lungs and they now can’t breathe without hardcore oxygen. Oncologist said they will likely die in the hospital. At only 34.

My dad keeps telling me he wants to die.

The months after mom's death have been difficult, and I've been really depressed. I've been to therapy and I've done my best to learn to live in some way, even though my heart is in pieces. I've also been looking after my dad. I wash his laundry, arrange all domestic things for him, make sure he eats...

My dad has Asperger's and he's blind, so that gives it all a new layer. Mom was the love of his life, and he has trouble socializing without her. In June, he contacted a group of people he knows from church and suggested they'd meet at his place some time in July. These friends agreed to come over, but now they've all canceled. Dad was so sad today and said he's really disappointed. He had made all kinds of plans and had tried to make his home nice for them etc.

He doesn't really have real friends because mom was the heart of his social life. All their friends were actually her friends. Now light has gone out of his life entirely.

He's told me several times that he wants to die, that this life has nothing more to give him, and that he doesn't have anything more to give to this life.

I always listen and try to comfort him, even though I feel basically the same way. I've suggested a grief group, but he snapped at me and said he doesn't need help. I call him every day and go meet him several times a week, so he won't be so alone. But I'm barely above the surface myself.

I do have one brother, but he can be pretty toxic. When my dad last visited their family, my brother had been abusive to my niece (dad said my brother made her cry every day). Dad got really mad about it and yelled at my brother. After that we haven't heard from my brother, and I know my dad misses his granddaughter and is so sorry about all that went on. This has happened before and that time I got involved and had them talk to each other again. But this time I'm not on speaking terms with my brother either, so I can't help them. I wish they could make up, for the sake of my niece who likely also misses her grandpa.

I feel like everything went to ashes when mom passed away. I can't save my dad if he doesn't want to be saved, but it hurts to see him like this, to hear that he wants to die. It's its own kind of torture, on top of everything.

This is an awful thing to say and I know it, but I feel like I would be in a better place mentally, if I could focus on my own grief&life and wasn't so involved in my dad's life. But if I'm not there for him, then he has no one. My heart can't take that. I love him so much.

These are the kind of things I would have discussed with mom. She would have known what to do.

Father was a good man, i will remember him, to those who still have fathers, love them, and tell them that they are loved, thats what i did, and i did not regret saying any of it.

love your fathers, you dont need to make them see how successful you are or how you have grown up, love your father, thats all.

at this moment right now i am grieving, but not the reaction i expected, although i am crying i remain stable, such loss is natural in life, we must give meaning into their lives and deaths.

I know this might sound silly to some people, but today was actually a really important day for me. I went out hunting for Needohs at Target, and it was a bigger deal than just finding a squishy toy.

After my dad passed away unexpectedly, I developed severe anxiety and agoraphobia. Things that used to feel normal — like leaving the house, going into stores, or being out by myself — became really hard. I’ve been working on taking small steps, even when my anxiety tells me not to.

Today I pushed myself to go to Target. I walked in, looked around, searched for the Needohs I’ve been wanting, and I did it even though I was anxious. I actually found one I was hoping for (the cloud pleaser ☁️ ), but the biggest win was proving to myself that I could go.

My dad always believed in me, and I think he would’ve been proud that I’m still trying and still finding little moments of happiness.

So here’s to the little victories — and to Needoh hunting being a form of exposure therapy I never expected 😂💗

I was holding his hand when he took his last breaths. Counted the seconds between his last gasps for air as the pause between them became longer. Watched my mom fall apart as the love of her life died in front of her.

I laid on his chest and felt him, his muscle, his ribs, his collar bone, his face. Stared at the blackheads on his nose, the crust around his eyes. Ran my hands through his hair, across his forehead. Felt his prominent nose with my fingers. I can feel the skin and bone still.

Laying my head on his chest and hearing no heartbeat, hearing no more breaths. Hugging and shaking him. Kissing his face, his hands, his wedding band.

Leaving his body in the hospital room. Covering his face with the sheet and uncovering it twice because I couldn’t leave him there. Leaving him at the hospital. Imagining his body, where it is now, in a morgue, waiting to be incinerated. His body burning and becoming ashes. Stupid fucking little ashes. All that life, love, everything reduced to ashes. Fucking bullshit

He was 78 years old, and it was very fast. Stage 4 esophageal cancer. I got engaged the same week he was diagnosed 3 weeks ago.

My mom is 68 and I am 27f. She is a widow. His things are in every corner of the house, every drawer, his favorite ratty hoodies lying around. His shaving cream on the bathroom counter.

Indescribable pain. The worst day of my life.

Hi, so it's been 3 months and I think I am going crazy.

I lost him so sudden, after 44 years of him there, he is gone. No more advice, no more criticism.

The second I hear his voice I cry a river, then I get angry at him for not looking after self.

Listen to him music hoping I feel something other than sadness and hate. But it's like all I have.

I called him every 2 days. always asking him how he was. Telling him about my day.

A month before he passed he told me how I was the only one who called. It broke me since I was one of 5 of his kids..

I then invited him to to woodworking and do some fishing over the summer.

And he was keen.

I think now of him dying alone no one around him scared. Laying there on that cold concrete, hit heart getting slower and nothing.

I think about that last week was there any signs and I can't think of a single one.

And then there the worst part that it took 45 minutes to get an ambulance to him he should have been hightest priority.

For 3 months each day feels heavy and fragile like I can break at any time.

I feel like I just need to rant to get this out. Music don't help and writting letters to him don't as well.

My dad had been battling a rare autoimmune disease called scleroderma for the past eight years. I still remember the day we first searched it on Google. It said the life expectancy was around 8–10 years, and I remember crying hysterically. I couldn’t imagine losing him.
Over the years, the strongest person I knew slowly became frail and weak.
For the last four years, he lived with my mom while my brother and I had moved away for college, but he kept traveling for treatment. My parents had their share of fights, but despite that, I was always incredibly close to my dad.
In November 2025, just two months before he passed, he was admitted to the ICU. That was the first time I truly felt like I was going to lose him. Somehow, he recovered. I remember sleeping beside him in the hospital, watching him joke with the nurses and listen to old Bollywood songs on TV. He was eventually discharged, but something had changed.
He had already been hospitalized before, including for a pacemaker, but after this admission he became noticeably weaker. He lost a lot of weight, and I did everything I could to care for him. I helped bathe him, changed his clothes, combed his hair—anything that would make things easier for him.
On the night he passed away, I had secretly ordered a birthday cake that was supposed to arrive the next morning.
A few moments before everything happened, he called my name. I ignored him because I thought he just needed help with some work and I pretended to be asleep in the other room. That decision still haunts me.
Then I suddenly heard him coughing. I ran to him, and things quickly became worse. He wanted to go to the bathroom but couldn’t get up, so I called my mom. He ended up passing stool on my bed and immediately became embarrassed. Even in that moment, he covered himself with a small towel because he didn’t want me to see him like that. I pretended not to notice to protect his dignity.
A few moments later, he lay down on my bed. The ambulance arrived, but there was nothing they could do. He passed away on my bed.
For the first few hours, I didn’t even cry. I was completely numb. It didn’t feel real.
At that time, I didn’t have a job, and my mom is a freelancer. I was also in my final year of college while placements were going on.
Just 10 days later, on February 11, I celebrated my first birthday without him. The very next day, I attended an interview that I somehow managed to clear, and I started my internship on February 23.
For February, March, and April, I barely cried. I thought maybe I was handling it well.
But now everything has hit me.
I miss him every single day. Every night I cry. I feel depressed, anxious, and like I’m getting worse instead of better. I’ve also started distancing myself from my mom, and I don’t even know why. I just want my dad back.
On top of that, I’m dealing with financial stress. My internship is ending soon, I haven’t been offered a full-time role, and I’m terrified about my future. I constantly feel like I’ve failed him

After my husband passed away, a close family friend who we love and adore supported me through it. She helped me so much and gave me the clothes off her back and made sure I was fine. She brought food and supplies and took care of my pets.
I then decided to move away and now she’s dead. She killed herself and I know the reason because of how she did it.
It is not me but it hurts that I wasn’t there for her like she was there for me. In my grief I didn’t see what she needed.
I fkn hate all of this. I’m so fkn sorry that she felt she had to kill herself. There are so many people that love her and need her in their lives, but she decides to leave us all.
Remember sometimes those that keep giving are the ones who are crying for help.
I’m sorry my dear angel, I’m so sorry.

I (38M) had been dating an amazing woman (33F) for about 4 months. We matched in March, had our first date on 25 March, saw each other only about 10 times in total, and spoke every day. We would have met up more but for genuine reasons, there were things that got in the way as she had some health conditions to contend with anyway. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but it was clearly heading that way and we were making plans for the future. She was very much the sort of person to want to take things slowly, a slow burner shall we say. I had previously tried to coax things along quicker but to no avail, so I respected that and continued at her pace. We hadn't been to one another's house either so I didn't know her exact door number. She was hard of hearing and didn't want to be a burden. I always told her how much she meant to me and that her hearing issues never affected my feelings towards her. We really did get on like a house on fire.

In the week before her passing, she clearly went in to a depressed state, worrying about money, her living arrangements, and her hearing. A few things all came to a head at once. She went quiet on me. I hadn't met her family at this point, so couldn't reach out to anyone nor did I know her house number. I eventually did reach out to her sister on FB, who said they had been worried about her but had heard briefly from her on WhatsApp. As her close family, I was relieved to hear they were looking out for her, so said I would back off and give her some space, being here for when she was feeling better. They knew her better than me. They would keep me in the loop as she had been ignoring my messages for the last week, not wanting to talk to anyone.

On 12 July, completely out of nowhere, she suffered a catastrophic brain bleed. I spent four days by her bedside before she died on 16 July. Tragically, this is where I met her family. I was with her when she passed away. There is speculation around if the bleed was going to happen anyway, or if she tripped, hitting her head. I believe she had started drinking, but don't know if this played a role. We may never know.

I'm devastated, but I'm also confused by my grief. Some days I cry a lot, other days I barely cry at all and then feel guilty for not being upset enough. I also feel guilty because our relationship was relatively new, as if I don't deserve to grieve as deeply as I do.

Part of me wants to heal as quickly as possible because I know she's not coming back, but then I feel guilty for wanting my life to return to normal. I'll never forget her and I'll always love her, but I don't want grief to define the rest of my life.

Has anyone else experienced the loss of someone they were dating rather than a long-term partner? How did you cope with the mixture of heartbreak, guilt and the loss of the future you thought you were going to have?

Today's my birthday.

The first one since she's passed. I didn't celebrate. I don't think I ever will again. There's no desire to. The most amazing woman ever gave birth to me on this day and I'm experiencing it without her. It's not right.

Her birthday is in a couple of months as well. I know that day will be a million times harder. I think about how my mom was the first person to see, hold, and love me when I came into this world, and I hope it'll be the same when I leave.

Anyway, there's nothing else I really wanted to say. Just to acknowledge the profound grief and heavy absence of my mom.

Happy birthday to me.

I am 20 years old and my dad passed away yesterday morning. I was woken up by his cries and my mom called 911. The ambulance took him to the hospital and I'm afraid they didn't treat him in time. He had an aortic dissection and it hurts me so terribly to know that he died in pain. My mom said that they were both talking in his hospital room, and all of a sudden my dad started convulsing, followed by my moms screams. I rushed me and my older brother to go see him and that's when she told me the horrible news. I saw his cold dead body. He was once a warm man and now he was in his bed, pale and cold. I only stroked his soft hair. My extended family were on their way to see them, but I felt so sick that I had to get out of there immediately. I spent most of the day grieving with my friends as I couldn't bare to be home, the carpets and some items messed up on the floor from him struggling to survive. My mom slept in my bed with me. I don't know what to do. I am about to start university next month i don't know what to do without him. I want to care so deeply for my mom but it's hard to even feed myself. How long does grief even last.

I'll turn 25 in a couple days. It's been 5.5 years since my mom passed away, and 1.5 years since my dad did. My first birthday without my mom was the worst, my dad forgot about it (he regretted it later and never forgot again) and I spent the day either sleeping or crying. Ever since then, the birthdays don't mean a thing to me. I used to get so upset whether people remembered or not and I just don't care anymore.

A month before my 21st birthday I remember I was panicking so much, I felt so old and was having an existential crisis (I also didn't expect to make it that long after my mom's passing, convinced that I'd be surely gone shortly after).

Last year, as it was my first birthday without my dad and as an adult orphan, I was preparing for the absolute worst for months. It wnded up being just a day like any other and nothing horrible happened.

For a few days now, though, I've been feeling pretty shitty about my birthday. I mean, what's there to celebrate? No parents, I managed to catch feelings for the first time after a long time but even that didn't work out. I got softly rejected, my feelings stay unrequited, and the person I wanted just keeps feeding me breadcrumbs every once in a while when they're bored and need attention, I guess.

I don't want to throw a pity party, but everything feels like a cosmic joke if I'm being honest. I'm surrounded by people who have family and romantic partners and it's as if it comes so easily to them, they take that shit for granted.

I was so upset that I even missed my therapist's appointment today. Like, what's truly there to celebrate? How can a life this empty and isolated be worth living? What's even there to look forward to? Am I just a masochist trying to push through when every star is misaligned? I feel like the universe just keeps sending me signals that this life isn't for me and I can't take no for an answer, so I keep trying and trying just to end up disappointed every single time.

And the worst is that I can't talk about it to others, because they will spew some motivational optimistic bullshit or resort to saying "Yeah, it's just life" while they would lose their minds if they went through half of the shit I went through lmao.

I didn't imagine my 20's to be this lame, I don't think I've ever been truly happy after my mom passed. So much for the "best years" of your life, right.

I lost my mom on friday. i am completely devastated. she was my rock and the strongest person i knew - im glad i got to tell her that. she could always calm me down with “it is all gonna be ok”. now i’m not ok but i can still hear her voice. anyway the reason why im writing here is that i want to understand the grief more cause it is eating me up and i think it might help to read more about it.

Therefore if any of you have read any good books for people like me going through the toughest period with grief, please hit me up with some good recommendations.

thanks and hugs to all of u going through something similar or if u just want a hug.

Without getting into details, I suffer from endometriosis, a myriad of mental health conditions, and a long list of old injuries including but not limited to a broken back. After having been medically discharged from the military, I’m faced with proving how disabled I am every year to be on a government check. It’s not something I’m interested in pursuing.

That being said, I still want my better half to keep on living and he is not understanding why I want to apply for medical assistance in death.

I’m in pain, I’m tired of the medications and the med trials that make me feel sick in so many ways. After watching the world kind of fall apart during COVID (I was a registered nurse), I really don’t want to keep going.

What can I do to support my loved ones in this transition?