It’s been three months since I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack, and I guess I just needed to get this off my chest.

Some days I feel like I’m doing better. I’m back at work and functioning again, which felt impossible a couple of months ago. But the moment I start talking about my dad, I completely fall apart.

He was the kindest, most caring person. He loved my mom, my sisters, me, and especially my daughter. He was always happy, active, and the person I thought would always be there. I knew my parents were getting older, but if I had to imagine losing one of them, it never would have been my dad. Out of everyone, he seemed like the least likely person to leave us so soon, and I still can’t process that he’s gone.

One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t talk to him that day. When my mom told me he was going to the hospital, I truly believed he would be okay. So many people I know have had angioplasties and recovered, and my mom had one herself years ago. I never imagined that would be the last day of his life.

Something that’s been weighing on me lately is watching my daughter grow up without him. She still talks about her Grandpa sometimes, but I can see her becoming more attached to my husband’s parents now. I’m grateful she has loving grandparents in her life, but it breaks my heart because she used to be so attached to my parents, especially my dad. It feels like she’s slowly forgetting him, and that hurts more than I can explain.

I also find myself feeling jealous of people who still have both of their parents. My husband still has his. My cousins still have theirs. I know everyone experiences loss eventually, but I never imagined that my dad would be the first one to go. Sometimes it feels so unfair, and then I feel guilty for even thinking that way.

I miss the life we had before all of this. I miss hearing his voice, his laugh, his advice, and just knowing he was there. It feels like our family is broken now, and I still have moments where I can’t accept that this is my reality.

If you have lost a parent unexpectedly, especially when it felt like they were the last person you ever thought you’d lose, how did you cope with that? Did you ever stop comparing your life to people who still have their parents? I feel really alone in these feelings, and I’d love to hear from anyone who understands.

I'll turn 25 in a couple days. It's been 5.5 years since my mom passed away, and 1.5 years since my dad did. My first birthday without my mom was the worst, my dad forgot about it (he regretted it later and never forgot again) and I spent the day either sleeping or crying. Ever since then, the birthdays don't mean a thing to me. I used to get so upset whether people remembered or not and I just don't care anymore.

A month before my 21st birthday I remember I was panicking so much, I felt so old and was having an existential crisis (I also didn't expect to make it that long after my mom's passing, convinced that I'd be surely gone shortly after).

Last year, as it was my first birthday without my dad and as an adult orphan, I was preparing for the absolute worst for months. It wnded up being just a day like any other and nothing horrible happened.

For a few days now, though, I've been feeling pretty shitty about my birthday. I mean, what's there to celebrate? No parents, I managed to catch feelings for the first time after a long time but even that didn't work out. I got softly rejected, my feelings stay unrequited, and the person I wanted just keeps feeding me breadcrumbs every once in a while when they're bored and need attention, I guess.

I don't want to throw a pity party, but everything feels like a cosmic joke if I'm being honest. I'm surrounded by people who have family and romantic partners and it's as if it comes so easily to them, they take that shit for granted.

I was so upset that I even missed my therapist's appointment today. Like, what's truly there to celebrate? How can a life this empty and isolated be worth living? What's even there to look forward to? Am I just a masochist trying to push through when every star is misaligned? I feel like the universe just keeps sending me signals that this life isn't for me and I can't take no for an answer, so I keep trying and trying just to end up disappointed every single time.

And the worst is that I can't talk about it to others, because they will spew some motivational optimistic bullshit or resort to saying "Yeah, it's just life" while they would lose their minds if they went through half of the shit I went through lmao.

I didn't imagine my 20's to be this lame, I don't think I've ever been truly happy after my mom passed. So much for the "best years" of your life, right.

I am 24 years old. Before I moved out of the house, I remember that whenever I went into my parents’ bedroom, they would sometimes suddenly move apart. Eventually, I realized I had interrupted one of their little romantic moments. I remember thinking to myself, “They get to do whatever they want freely once I move out.”

It’s been two and a half years since I lost dad and 9 months since i lost my mom.

Just now, I had a dream where I walked out of my room and found them doing their usual morning hair-dye routine, coloring each other’s hair and kissing. I caught them, did a little impersonation of them, and they just kept laughing. Then I woke up.
I’ll never forget this dream. I don’t really have anyone to share it with, so I thought I’d post it here. I still have their clothes beside me on my bed.
Love you, Mom and Dad. Have fun without me disturbing you… at least in heaven. 😘

Its been two weeks and four days since my dad drowned in the ocean. I am 23, he was 58.

I was very close with my father for the majority of my life. When he died I hadn’t seen him in 2 years. I thought I had more time, and I never had the money to make a cross country trip.

I feel so alone, no one my age has experienced this, my siblings and I aren’t the closest, all have their own lives going on, or live across the country.

I am the youngest of 6 siblings, the closest one in age being 5 years older and getting married if that shows the difference in life stages, the second closest has a husband and two children.

I am an autistic college student who is struggling to find a job, my only two friends dont know how to interact with me now.

They ask me how i’m doing but they won’t understand how i’m doing until decades from now.

My boyfriend has been upset because of problems that feel so silly to me. Its so frustrating to hear that he had a bad day at work, when his dad texted him today, and he always acts so dreadful about seeing his family.

I’ve gone to two group parental grief sessions, most of the people there had parents who passed from illness. They get to talk about last words and taking care of them.

The last time I saw my dad I didn’t even think of it being the last.

My therapist said I should try to find commonality in group, and try not to focus on the differences.

I feel like anytime I talk about anything ~scary grief~ related people get so quiet, like I’m giving a very important speech that needs to be nodded at and given puppy-dog eyes, then just silence.

It could be a funny story about him, or the plot of a family guy episode that we thought was hilarious. But instead of laughing at a funny story, or “oh! I remember that episode! That IS a good one!”

Its just silence.

And i have COMMUNICATED the fact that I dont need everything to be a pity party, i want to have conversations and laugh, literally anything to distract me, and when i do bring it up, treat it like a story not this uncomfortable thing that makes you freeze up because “i could never imagine that happening to me”

Well it fucking happened to me.

My dad and I really got each other. As a kid my dad’s house was the safe place, we would listen to music, and watch movies, and always ate good food. Everything was always aligned. By the time i was really opinionated, like deep teen years opinionated, we agreed!!! Full on puberty hormones, and we STILL where the same version of person.

When i came out to him he just told me “i know, i love you” then we watched a movie.

He paid for my first tattoo.

He ALWAYS encouraged me to go against the grain.

Before he died I would always describe him as someone i would be friends with even if he wasnt my father.

Im so grateful to have had him, but I’m so angry that he isnt here anymore.

He will never really see me as an adult, i wont get to introduce grandkids to their pops, or look back at him if i get married, he wont see me become me.

He wanted to be an architect when he was young.

My heart is broken, and it feels like everyone has their back turned to me, and if i force them to look at me, theres nothing there.

I’m afraid that when I die he wont be there to welcome me.
And theres no way to know where he is, not his body but HIM.

I miss my dad. He was yelling for help and waving his hat around, and they couldn’t save him. He wasn’t ready to go.

The days seem to be flying. I'll be 26 in 7 months. I miss you dad. Nothing's been the same since you left. Some days are tolerable I go to work,come home and go to sleep. Other days I just wanna crawl inside the casket next to you,go to sleep and not wake up. I've had my heart broken twice since you left. The thing that has been keeping me going is the cardinals I see,remembering the sound of you feeding the chickens and dogs every morning,the sound of your laugh...every little detail I try to remember. Till we meet again I'll keep trying to survive for you.

I can only dream of the day of her funeral ⚱️ I wish I could have good dreams I miss her

hello i lost my mother on June 3 from pneumonia she was just 60 years old she stayed in the ICU for 35 days than she passed away at there i am 32 years old and i have noone left in my life no family no reletives no real friends i only have my cat and my aunt i dont have a job or career i just want to die everyday praying god to take my life i dont know how to continue my life without my mother i was living with my mother for my entire life and she meant everything to me..

​

I’ve been carrying a massive amount of trauma and family history for as long as I can remember, and I really just need to put it all out there. It’s a long story, but I want to share it.

Before my parents met, they both started out with very little. My dad was incredibly poor and sleeping in cars. My mom was amazing. She had four small vans that she would rent drivers for to use as taxis or for moving things. My dad used to sleep in her vans, and she felt bad for him because he was handsome. She bought him clothes, provided for him, and eventually let him move into her small house. Once they had me, they moved to a town that is considered the countryside, but isn't quite the traditional countryside. They both drove trucks, worked incredibly hard, made a lot of money, and then had my younger brother, who is only a year younger than me.

My happiest memory of my mom is from when I was seven. She was teaching me how to do chores, and I got upset and yelled at her, asking why my brother got to play while I had been washing dishes for two days. Instead of yelling back, she calmly said, "I understand you. I used to do the same. I yelled at my mom like this, too." I instantly calmed down because I felt completely seen. Sadly, my mom died of heart failure when I was only eight years old.

After my mom passed, I ended up moving to the city in the second grade. I was living with my dad's side of the family. I had drawn some ponies having sex, and my aunt found the drawings. She humiliated me by telling absolutely everyone what I had drawn. I felt so much shame. When my dad saw it, he didn't take it seriously, he just laughed. I was so glad that at least one person seemed to be on my side. But later, when we slept, he started touching me inappropriately. He wouldn't penetrate me, but the touching continued from the time I was in the second grade until I was 13 years old. He would also give me money, and because I thought it meant he was okay with it, I would ask him for money. My dad later passed away when I was about 14.

Growing up, I learned my dad’s backstory. He was separated from his siblings and lived with his grandma, only graduating the 3rd or 4th grade. He had a different father, and his own mother didn't like him until he grew up to be a rich man. He became the big man everyone feared, and even his mom and stepdad feared him. Despite his family outcasting him, he still provided for them financially because they lived in the countryside and didn't have money. I always wished he would have just left them alone instead of trying to be their ultimate provider.

After being in the city until the fifth grade, I went back to live with my dad. He found a stepmom for me and my brother. The first year she was great, but the following two years were horrible. In the city, my aunt's older kids did all the cooking and cleaning, so I had been pretty spoiled and didn't know how to clean properly. My stepmom started demanding that I clean, and whenever she laid into me about chores, I would refuse because it felt like I was the only one doing anything while she did nothing. This led to her abusing me, and I ultimately got kicked out when I turned eighth grade.

I moved back to the city to live with my mom's side of the family, specifically my aunt, which is where I am today at 16 years old. Lately, things have become very difficult because I'm no longer a small kid they can just command around. My aunt spends a lot of money on me and my brother, buying nice clothes and driving us in her expensive car, which is something she refuses to do for anyone outside her family. Even though we are her younger sister's children, it feels like we are treated like outsiders, and providing for us is a huge deal to her.

Because of this, she feels I am being ungrateful for not cleaning as a repayment. When I finally started getting comfortable and viewing her as a second mom, I loosened up and became clumsier. She got furious, started yelling at me, and calling me names. When I finally opened up to her and told her about the sexual assault by my dad, she called me a whore, told me I probably liked it, and said I just used my dad for money.

I can see now that she is trying to manipulate me into feeling like I am constantly walking on eggshells, making herself out to be my ultimate savior. Yet, I still struggle with a lot of conflicting feelings. I can't help but feel grateful for the things she buys me, and I feel a sense of pride when I'm riding in her nice car or wearing clothes that are better than what some of the other kids in my class have.

Because of everything I've survived, I've struggled with lying a lot over the smallest things, and my communication skills used to be so bad I couldn't even talk to a cashier. I also recognize that I can be demanding sometimes, which I'm realizing is just a survival mechanism from growing up where everything was completely unstable and transactional. I just wanted to lay my whole history out there. Thanks for listening.

I just wanted to be seen.

Hi-any resources for support groups for people who have lost a parent, or who have been dealing with a chronically ill parent for many years? For adult children. thanks

I lost my dad to lung cancer when he was 45 years old, back in July 2013. I was only 15 years old at the time. I’m 28 years old now & have two children of my own. I find myself grieving more now than ever before, I think because I don’t get to watch him love my children the way he loved me & my siblings. He should be here, life is so unfair. Looking for any grieving advice or words of wisdom to get me through this. I’m really struggling.

As I type this, I reach into my pocket an pull out a seemingly insignificant piece of tin. Not sure why I carry it, but I assure you it held tremendous value to its owner. You see I'm holding his 25 year coin.

To anyone out there struggling with addiction... Simply know you can do this, others have and so can you.

My father was the definition of a stand up, fall down Drunk for many decades of his life. But one day he decided he'd had enough.

I'll remember this night well. I was about 9yrs old too. He'd passed out in his chair again. An I was just trying to wake him, I dont remember why. So for some reason I started shaking him, and he half woke up. He kinda growled at me... Then he leaned over and he Bit me.

Now he had no memory of it, and I'm not sure if it was the marks on my arm... Or the Doctor explaining to him how few people survive mere hours with the amount of alcohol that was in his blood.

But I do know, that was it his Rock Bottom.

On June 28th, 1998 he had his last drink. That was by no means his first attempt at sobriety, but it would prove his last.

From that day on he became the Man he always knew he could be. Gone were the days of drunken abuse. He'd transformed himself into a loving husband and a caring father.

Now... I've got the memory of him sinking his teeth in me. But I can also vividly recall the day years later when I'd open my own business.

You see he didn't get around too well by this point. But he wasn't gonna miss this day for anything. I can still remember how hard it was for him just getting in the door... And I'll always remember the look in his eye when he took my hand an quietly said "I'm Proud of you Son"

You see, He became the Man he always wished he could be. An on October 6th of 2023 he achieved his life-long goal. He'd leave this world a Sober Man, loved by his friends and family.

Rest in Peace Ol' Man. I Love you, and I only wish you could know how Proud I am, and always was of you.

Honestly, don't know why I'm posting all this, maybe because I don't get to tell him this particular story, I don't know. But I'd made a promise to myself years ago...

To live to be half the man my father was.

Now, to any reading simply...

"What one man can do, another can do."

I was crying and then I stopped crying. Now I am angry and cry 😭 why I am angry? I should only be sad

Since 2019 I have had 15 deaths in my family, the only year there wasn't a death was 2020. I unexpectedly lost my biological Dad in March of 2024. We had a strained relationship for awhile after I turned 18, but we had been working on trying to fix it. I forgave everything and really my only regret is he had wanted me to come out to visit him to tell me something in person and I just kept pushing it off because I had time and wasn't quite ready. I got a call from my Uncle on my biological Dad's birthday that he had passed away and the neighbors had found him. April of 2025 my Dad (Stepdad) passed away from his cancer battle. I called everyday to check on him and my Mom. When I called my Mom said it wasn't a good day. He told her he thinks this is the end and he is done. I asked if he was up to being on the phone so I could at least tell him I loved him and say goodbye as I live 8 hours away. He wasn't up to being on the phone. My Mom called about 5 hours later to tell me he had passed away. I drove out there to be there for my Mom and help her through her grief. I spent my time being strong for her I didn't get to work through my own. We had events in May, June and July so my body and mind were just go go go that I hadn't had time to process my feelings. I was being strong for my Mom for the events. August of 2025 I was with my Mom for a girl's trip. The day before I was leaving to go home my Mom said she had some tooth pain and shoulder pain and she was nauseated. I remember women have weird symptoms of a heart attack and these were the symptoms. I took her to the ER and the EKG was fine, and they were going to do an x-ray to rule out anything else. She coded at x-ray. The hospital staff had me watch them try to resuscitate for an hour. It was traumatic and so hard to watch. I just started grieving the loss of my Dad and my Mom within the last month. I am an adult orphan and I feel so lost and alone.

I think this is a question I’ve carried with me for a long time. Losing my dad and my younger sister changed me in ways I don’t think I’ll ever fully be able to explain. It wasn’t just losing two people I loved, it was losing the people I always thought would be there as my life kept moving forward. I find myself thinking about all the moments they’ve missed and the moments they should have been here for. I think about my daughters and how much I wish they could have met them. I wish my dad could have held them, watched them grow, and seen the person I’ve become, and I wish my sister could have known them and been part of their lives. That’s the part of grief people don’t always talk about. You don’t just miss the person, you miss the future you thought you would have with them in it. You grieve the conversations, the memories, the advice, and the little moments that will never happen. I’m proud of the person I’m becoming and the life I’m building, but I’ll always wish they could see it. I’m still learning how to live a life I never imagined having without them in it.

I've been thinking a lot, maybe too much, about my dad's death and how its affected me. My dad passed when I was six, overdosed in front of me, and then I was trapped alone in a house with his dead body for four days. I'm 15 now and I live with it, or live in spite of it I guess. I never cared much if I lived or died after it happened, and only stopped feeling like that this time last year. I don't want to credit time for the change in attitude because I don't think that thats really fair to all the effort I've put into get better. Somehow, those old thoughts completely switched to an intense fear of death. There's a Jake Minch song that has a line that says "The worst part of growing up is realizing how young you are," and I guess that's the best way I can describe how I'm feeling.

I've thought I was so grown up my whole life after it happened. I think because it was so bad, my brain didn't really let me react like a normal kid. I don't know. I didn't cry over it for months, and even then it was always just little moments, and then I would push it down because being sad about it made me too sad. Now I look back, and I look at my niece and nephew who are around the age I was when the bad thing happened, and it terrifies me a little. I saw death and somehow learned to accept it when I was that little. Now I'm fifteen and I'm a complete mess all the time. I thought that I was so grown, and now I just feel like a little kid anytime anyone mentions my dad. I feel like I can't even talk about it normally, and I'm noticing that in just typing this. I objectively know that it was really bad. I forget most of the time, but then it hits me all at once all the time, because everything reminds that this THING that I can only manage to refer to as "the bad thing" when talking about it in person is real, and happened to me, and isn't normal. Now, everytime someone jokes about overdoses, or just the other day I went to a friend's sweet sixteen and she danced with her dad, or seeing people's reactions when they found out make everything that I never let myself feel and actualize hit me all at once.

My relationship with just the concept of death is so different from what it's ever been. I'm horrified of death. I've become a huge hypochondriac. I have panic attacks thinking about religion and spirituality and if there is anything after death. I don't want anybody to preach to me in the comments, because I grew up a Jehova's witness and that only made me disconnect myself from death more. I want so badly to believe that there is something. If I think too much about the fact that my dad could only be ashes in a box after living a whole, way too short life and being a whole person I freak out. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I guess it's just very shocking to me to actually fear death now. I don't know where to put these feelings or how to manage them.

I want so badly to become a dad someday. I don't think I would feel fulfilled in my life if I didn't. But I've developed this new fear, on top of being scared of dying right now, that I'll die in the future, after I have kids. My dad's dad died when he was 16. My dad passed when I was 6. I don't know how far back that pattern goes but I don't want to do that to any child becuase I know what it does.

I just feel bad. I feel guilty and I feel sad and I feel scared. I feel like I HAVE to make my dad not being here anymore mean something, because if I let myself think that things can just happen to anyone anytime, without any reason I'll never sleep again. But I know that there was no meaning to my dad passing. It just happened. I do creative writing and pretty much all of what I write is about mourning and grief, and all of it includes elements of it, and I know that I'm just trying to convince myself, but I want it to be true. My dad passed, and good things were created out of it. I do good things, and I was made from my dads death. I need that to be true, because he did not die to be a dusty box on the living room mantle. I know that everyone's going to say I need to be easier on myself, and that its not true, and they just can't imagine how I feel BUT they DID lose their parent when they were an adult to natural causes so OF COURSE they can understand my grief. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude in saying that. I'm just tired of people comparing my dad not being here anymore to their dead dogs, or grandparents, or their breakup with their partner. I've had people say all of this and I understand why. Nobody, including me, knows what to do with what happened with my dad. That's the hardest part. Therapists and counselors have cried in front of me, others have had to suggest I seek a different professional because they just don't know what to do with it.

I'm going to live with this forever, and nobody, especially whenever I was little and it happened, knows what to do with it or what to do with me. I try to go above and beyond because I don't want people to worry, I get straight As, I have a job, I volunteer, I workout, but beneath all of that forever, I have to carry the weight of everything my dad ever was and will never be again and will never get to become. 8 years ago it happened and I feel like I'm only now realizing that I have a life to live, and one that I WANT to live, and that this will always be a part of it. I'm also realizing just how easily I could become an orphan. Somethings really wrong with my mom and nobody can figure out what it is, but she's sick, and I'm scared. And she's so sad. I don't think I can handle anyone else not being here anymore.

My father died when I was 5. The last 5 years made me miss him more than ever.

I don't really know how to start this except to just say it.

My father passed away when I was 5 years old. I grew up without really knowing what it meant to have him there until the last 5 years, when everything fell apart at once and I realized exactly what I was missing by not having him to lean on.

It started when COVID hit and my family went into serious financial trouble. While I was trying to figure out how to keep things afloat, my father's own brother started putting up court cases over his land. Somewhere in the middle of that, the person I thought was the love of my life left. Then I had an accident and broke my hand. Then post-COVID breathing issues that needed surgery. Around that same time I started getting chronic pain near my scapula and thoracic spine that never fully went away. My doctor suspects it might be Ankylosing Spondylitis — a chronic spinal disease — even though my genetic markers came back negative, so I'm still sitting in that in-between place of not having a clean answer for what's wrong with my own body. Then, within a single month, I lost both my maternal grandparents — the two people who had genuinely been my backbone through everything else.

I pulled myself out of basically every social connection I had. Gained weight. Lost my confidence. Some nights I still can't breathe or sleep right.

I'm not writing this for sympathy. I'm writing it because I've noticed something — the people around me eventually got tired of hearing it, even the ones who meant well. There's only so many times someone can hear "I'm struggling" before they run out of room for it, even when they still love you. And when your one person who might've absorbed some of that was never there to begin with, you feel it more than you'd expect, every single time.

That's part of why I've started building something meant to be a space to actually say things out loud without worrying about wearing someone out.

I know this account is new and has no karma, and I know that probably looks suspicious around here. It's not that I made this account just to post this — it's that I pulled back from basically everything social, online included, for the last few years. I wasn't lurking here building karma because I wasn't really anywhere. This is genuinely one of the first places I've tried to say any of this out loud.

I'm not asking anyone to use anything. I mostly just needed to say all of this somewhere real. But if anyone else has been in a stretch like this where it's not one bad thing, it's years of them stacking on top of each other — I'd genuinely like to hear how you got through it.

Ps: sorry as I don't know much about reddit

My dad is one of 4 people on earth to ever be diagnosed with a very specific type of mitochondrial disease. He was diagnosed when I was 13 after talking to multiple doctors for years and nobody having any clue what was going on. Since then, i've watched him slowly get worse and worse. I've accepted reality as it is (mostly) and tried to as soon as the doctors told us. But i can't stop thinking about all that i'll miss. He won't see me get married or be there to walk me down the aisle, he won't see me become (hopefully) successful, he could never meet my future kids and become a grandfather. I also have no siblings, and my distant family and mom have not been involved in my life for a long time. Again, i've accepted this is how things are and there is nothing i can do. that's just how life is sometimes. I kinda want to complain about how unfair it is, but i also know that's just how life works. even if i don't understand fully why it had to be me. I feel really numb, but anxious at the same time. Almost like i've for so long focused on the fact i need to accept this that ive shut down any other emotions regarding my dad. There's so much more to say i just don't have the words for. But watching my dad slowly die of a rare incurable disease was definitely not how i hoped to spend my teen years lol. I know there's people out there who understand tho. and im writing this now just after sitting in deep thought realizing how much time we have lost, and how little is left.

To preface: I think it’s important to differentiate this scenario from the idea of a parent not having died in the first place.

Also, this is more of a question to people who lost their parents a long time ago, I think. I’m especially interested in how your view may have changed over time.

Sometimes I ask myself how I would react if my dad suddenly was alive again. I lost him when I was eight, and the first few years I couldn’t think of anything else I would’ve wished more for than to see him again. That’s pretty normal, I guess.
But as time went on (more than 20 years now), I almost get frightened by the thought. And then again, that makes me sad. I still WANT to want to have my dad alive again and meet him and have him around me, but somehow the idea isn’t comforting anymore. If my dad suddenly stood in front of me, I probably wouldn’t know what to say or how to act.
I feel estranged from someone I loved so deeply (and still love, of course, but somehow the love has changed and has gotten more… abstract?). I’m sad and feel guilty thinking about this. I feel like I should want to have him back - how could a daughter who had such a deep bond to her father not want this? - but if I’m being honest, I really am not sure.

I wonder if anyone can relate?

Okay this is more of a vent, but is anyone else who lost a parent young sometimes bothered by the things that people who lose their parents when they are older say? I was 16 when I watched my 41 year old mom die of cancer. It was hours after my grandma also died of cancer completely by coincidence. Ive been seeing posts/comments in the grief subs of people claiming its harder to lose them when you're older. Or that it's the same at any point in your life and I feel like that just really diminishes how incredibly life altering losing a parent when you're young is. People who lost a parent at 30+ didnt have their brain and identity develop differently. They got to have their parent for all the milestones. They wont have each of their graduations and weddings all be sad now. Then they always try to say "but I felt like a little kid" which might be true but actual little kids are just forced to grow up in seconds and if you havent lost a parent as a kid you dont know how that would feel. If you lose a parent when you're a kid you stop being a kid once that happens. That innocence is gone. I felt so old beyond my years, fuck I wish I could've felt like a little kid. Or the people complaining that their mom died when she was so young and she was double the age my mom even ever got to be, and people saying they're too young to lose their mom when they're older than my mom was. Saying how theyre terrified to live 20 years without their mom when I might have 70 in front of me. Yes grief is always hard and it very likely is the worst pain they have ever felt but unless people genuinely wish their parent died when they were younger I wish they were more careful about what they say

Hi everyone,

My dad passed away a couple of months ago, and I never got the chance to say goodbye.
We had an incredibly strong bond. I was his caregiver for many years and put my own life on hold to take care of him because I loved him so much. He developed dementia toward the end of his life, but for years before that we could still talk, joke around, laugh together, and build an incredibly close relationship.

Unfortunately, he passed away while he was with my sister, not with me. We were in different countries, and I couldn’t travel because I didn’t have a visa.

What still amazes me is that the afternoon he died, he passed away peacefully in his sleep. At that exact same time, I was asleep too. I had a dream about my dad and my sister’s family, and I suddenly woke up with this overwhelming, urgent feeling that I needed to go there. That has never happened to me before.

Just as I woke up with that feeling, my sister called me and told me my dad had gone to sleep and never woke up.

I was completely devastated. I couldn’t even speak to her. I ended up needing a benzodiazepine just to calm down.

After he passed away, something happened that brought me a lot of comfort.

Whenever I cried, talked to him, or asked him for strength before going to sleep, I would often dream about him. Those dreams made me feel peaceful. I dreamed about him frequently.

Sometimes I would light a candle and talk to him, and I genuinely felt like he could hear me. There were also times when I had stressful medical appointments or difficult errands, and somehow everything would work out perfectly. It felt like doors were opening, like things were falling into place in ways they normally wouldn’t. Whether it was coincidence or not, I felt like he was somehow helping me, and that feeling gave me so much comfort.

Then, one month after he passed away, my mom suggested we say a prayer for him. She knew one specifically for deceased loved ones, so we lit a candle and read it together.

There was one part that immediately made me uncomfortable. It basically said something along the lines of:
“I won’t hold on to you or ask anything of you anymore. I won’t try to reach you, so that you can go into the light and rest in peace.”
It also said that we shouldn’t try to communicate with the dead because they need to move on and be at peace.
I remember thinking, I don’t like this part.

As selfish as it may sound, feeling like my dad was still close to me was the only thing helping me survive my grief.

Since that day, almost another month has gone by… and I haven’t dreamed about him once. I don’t feel his presence anymore either.

I know my mom had good intentions, and I’m not actually blaming her. She doesn’t even know that I felt so connected to him after he passed away, or that I kept dreaming about him. But deep down, I found myself feeling angry because everything changed after that prayer.

I guess what I’m asking is…

Do you think it’s possible that he really was close to me, and that after reading that prayer he somehow moved on?

Has anyone experienced something similar? Is there any way to reconnect with that feeling, or once it’s gone, is it just gone?

If I had known there was even a possibility that saying that prayer would make me stop feeling close to him, I honestly don’t think I would have been ready to say it so soon. I know that probably sounds selfish… I truly want him to be at peace… but I also wish I could have felt him close to me for just a little while longer.

I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts or experiences.

Thank you for reading.

my dad died a little over a month ago it’s still such a shock but it’s finally started to actually sink in that i’ll never see him again. I know it’s childish but just so i can sleep at night I constantly tell myself that he’s not actually dead and he’s just at a work trip or something. I know death is something that happens to everyone at some point but never in the million years could i believe it would happen to someone so close to me, and especially so suddenly.

Yesterday i heard my mom talking about my dad’s retirement funds with my aunt and uncle and i wanted to throw up. My dad told me what his plans were for when me and my siblings got married and now he won’t be able to do them and he really wanted to and it’s not fair for him. He died before we could be closer and i hate myself for that.

For so long my dad dying has been my worst fear ever. I used to cry at night thinking about my life if my dad died and now it happened while i’m still so young. I didn’t even get to say goodbye and everything in my house reminds me of him. I can’t even believe i’m here writing this post right now because how is he gone. Please someone tell me how to stop feeling so terrible because each day is harder then the day before and i don’t even know anymore

I never knew my father that well but he lost custody when I was about three and was in and out of jail my whole life. On March 14th of this year he passed away. I was really lost at first and thought about how I wanted to someday talk to him again since he was trying to get better. I have so many regrets like not talking to him for over 2 decades. Most days I'm fine but every once in a while I think about him and I get so angry for him choosing his addiction over his children. I don't know why I feel so bad for someone who was never in my life. My stepfather has always been my actual father to me but I still can't get past the feelings of missing my biological father. I'm mainly posting this just to get my feeling off my chest and I have been working with a therapist to help me through this.

I am a 16m. My dad died a year and a half ago after a long fight with cancer where I watched him turn from the loving perfect dad I knew into pretty much a zombie. He went to hospice for the last couple weeks he had left, They supplied a room for me and my mum to stay at during these days. One afternoon before I was going to bed I went to say goodnight where I found him dead in his hospital bed, mouth and eyes open. I just started weeping uncontrollably. I then talked to his corpse saying goodbye, and thanking him for everything and how much I loved him. I left later that night and I never saw him again.

After this I took a month and a half off school before I was told to go back, during this time I pretty much did nothing but stay in my room crying, sleeping or on my phone. After this break i never found myself to be the same person I used to be, I don’t feel sympathy for others, I don’t feel excited for pretty much anything and I’m not sure how to explain it but I feel very empty, like there is nothing going on within me. But worst of all I find it very hard to socialise, sure I’ve got a decent amount of friends but I can never keep a conversation going unless Im on something or drinking and I have not made any new friends since my first year of high school. I just want to be my old self again but I have no clue how to.