Yeah dad, my father-in-law is better than you.

He asks me what I would like for lunch. Hell, he didn't have to ask me what my favorite food is. One day he just came by the house and brought my favorite food.

We talk about bikes a lot. From changing oils, to replacing parts. I learned a lot.

We do house repairs together. We're close.

How about you? Nothing.

You're drunk. Everyday. When you're not drunk, you find a way to get drunk.

You gave us problems, debts, trauma.

Even in my wedding, you're still good damn drunk.

I had my son, and guess who was there to congratulate me when i first saw my son at the hospital? Yeah, my father-in-law because you're drunk.

If I need help with something I'm not familiar with. I call him, not you.

I tried talking to you about it but I can't find the right moment when you're sober.

But thank you, I learned from you. I learned not to be like you for my son. I became a man without your help. And I swear I will be dad the i never had.

Hey dad,

I just had to cut you off because you chose my pedophile mother over me and your grandkids.

I need a dad who will call me his son proudly.

Can anyone say this to me because my own father refuses to.

Thanks

Hey dad (is that how I open this? I dont know what I'm doing) So, first off, this is my first time posting something on reddit, so if its a mess, sorry, I'll take it down if it causes any issues (if I can even do that on reddit, I dont know).

I'm a guy, the middle child with two brothers, living with my mom and dad, love them both (won't say my age for saftey reasons, but I'm still in Highschool). I have a great relationship with my mom and I love my dad we just... dont get along, we have completely different personalities, and I feel really uncomfortable when its just the two of us or when I have to talk to him alone.

I've always been a really emotional person, crying over the smallest things, getting super stressed out over small or unimportant mistakes, worrying about everything and anything. The rest of my family, is not like this, my dad espeically is really bad with his emotions, which makes it really hard to talk to him about this, so Idon't have any male rolemodles for how I should act with how I feel, because I don't want to just bottle it up like he seems to do.

I used to be really open with it, crying in front of my parents and telling them when I'm stressed out and what not, but as I got older, it felt more and more out of place, like I should've grown out of this, like I shouldn't let something so small bother me like it does.

And no other guy I know is such a mess with there emotions. Am I too sensitive? I dont know and I feel so wrong for being this way. Everyone else seems to have it so much put together than I do. Is that normal? am I doing something wrong? Why do I feel so wrong for being so much more emotional than everyone else?

Hi Dad.

This is my first post here, and kind of a long one. I'm sorry about that. But I'm just really in my feelings about it today after hearing how much one of my coworkers loves his kids.

I guess to start, my bio dad is alive and so spiteful and hurtful that I cut off contact with him recently. When I was younger, I thought he was the coolest: tattoos, motorcycles, played in a band, helped me question religion. But as I got older I started noticing things, and developed my own opinions. He had always made comments when I was little, but it wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realized how racist and misogynistic he was. He made jokes about how he beat my mom, and that was something I never knew until he said it. My mom still wanted me to have a good relationship with him, despite what he did to her.

I tried. I really, really did. But last year before I landed my current job, I was unemployed after a layoff and was really hard up for money to keep my lights on. I swallowed my pride and asked him for help because my mom barely makes enough to keep her own bills paid. 200$ and I would pay him back out of my first check. He asked why I wasn't asking my ex or my friends for a loan, and I told him to just forget I asked and I'd figure it out. For some reason he called me every name in the book after that and called me a disrespectful teenager. I am in my 30s and just needed a little help.

My mom ended up helping me and cried with me when I told her what happened. For the last year, I haven't spoken to him, and even though it's been more peaceful in some ways, I still miss the person I thought he was. I miss having a dad who I thought loved me unconditionally.

Does it get easier? Will any of it feel better eventually? Sometimes I hear music from my favorite bands and think about how much he'd like them, too, and then I remember that I can't talk to him to protect myself. It sucks so much to know that he's not the man I thought he was.

I don't know. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest after listening to my coworkers talk about loving and supporting their kids. I wish it were me.

Hi Dad.

My own dad is alive and well but my mom passed when I was a teen, which was where it kinda went uphill and downhill. If you’re ready to hear this I’d love to just, hear what you’d gotta say.

I dropped out of a good junior college a few years back, and have been regretting my decision to get a creative arts degree. I spent six years on a degree that gave me slightly more time to look after three siblings in a dysfunctional family, and my oldest sibling is a special needs person. I wasn’t thinking of money at the time, just my siblings. I love them and they’re like my kids. My dad remarried to another person, and even though we were okay with this, she ended up projecting a ton of her insecurities onto us and my dad sided with her arguments. I had to step in and defend my siblings from them. I also tried to validate the struggles my own grandmother was going through at the time she was looking after us. When my stepmother and dad failed to help my grandma with the chores (who was looking after us at the time), I just decided to help out. We had a three storey house, and she had convinced my dad to let go of the maid that was helping my grandmother after her old vintage plates were broken accidentally. Not only was she disrespectful to her mother in law and her own mother who enabled her, she also wasn’t exactly in the right frame of maturity either to look after a bunch of teens. Both my dad and stepmom focused on their own lives while I did my best to look after my siblings and the house. used to wake up early To cook her breakfast and she would throw a tantrum at me occasionally and tell me she didn’t want to eat. Eventually my grandma left our house a few years ago to go for knee surgery and all duties were passed on to me…never felt so alone. I never felt so scared knowing I had to deal with the loss of another important figure’s presence in my life, my dad who barely listens and my stepmom who projected onto us, and dealing with a special needs older sibling while having to make sure my two other siblings were okay through all this. It felt like I lost two more people, my dad and grandmother.

Last year, I turned 21. And my dad got himself into a scam where we lost our house and car. We’re now in a rented. My extended family has blamed me for causing politics in the family and causing my dad to fall into the scam. Basically his mother, aunt and sister blamed me for it. So my grandaunt, grandmother and aunt. I want to emphasise I wasn’t perfect in doing so - I have an elder sibling with special needs and it used to be so difficult hearing her meltdown and throw tantrums in the house while I was doing my work. I had dropped out of college a year prior because of the trauma, burnout and stress from being in IP, my fear of failure and also because I saw my grandma and siblings needed help. I took a degree in arts and it’s essentially kinda useless, but it made me a better person than I was before.

Moving on to the present, my really kinda toxic aunt who was helping my dad with the banks had actively tried to chase us out of the house during house viewings, and shamed me indirectly in the family group chat, and rallied my cousins to confront me too. I’m grateful to her but she kept hanging the things she did for us over our heads…it didn’t help that over the years, she had mocked my family for the way we dress, the way we do things, the way we act. We weren’t perfect. But we do what we could do after my mom died. His entire family had to get involved and financially they gave us money too to cover for him. They also told me to look after my dad because he might commit suicide - not the first time: he tried to do it when my mom passed. They asked me why I couldn’t help more with my dad - because he refused to tell me anything or let me help him, and it was incredibly difficult to reach out to him when my stepmom was so abrasive and immature. My late mom also was a helicopter parent and it led to me just…being the way I am today. I feel guilt from once being so spoiled as a child, and now I feel even worse knowing I am a college dropout, and I should’ve just stuck to the school curriculum. I kind of severed so many connections because when I dropped out I felt so much shame I didn’t tell anyone except a few. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know why this is happening, I considered s**cide but could not because I didn’t want to leave my siblings behind. But I’m still thinking of it, of just turning off the light permanently. I sometimes wish they weren’t born so they didn’t have to suffer through the toxicity of years of family drama. I see the effects of the family dynamics and trauma on them and my heart breaks. I don’t care that we really lost the house, or the car. I really just wanted a normal stable functioning family like others. I tried to be independent and take on more responsibilities to be seen as less dependent, but now I think I have undiagnosed OCD too. My grandma, grandaunt and my aunt and my stepmother gossip about me behind my back (Heard on phone calls, messages. It’s not hard to believe they are still doing this. In order to protect my siblings during the scam and after, I told my dad (who agreed to) to just make sure his relatives don’t visit or stay over at our house. We did this for my aunt as well a few years ago because she would not stop judging and mocking us for the way we were, even in our own house. I felt incredibly guilty and I accept her hatred of us but I kept her and some people away from our house for my siblings.

I don’t know where to go in life right now. I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself but like in less than a decade, I lost my mom, had to lose my dad metaphorically, had to lose myself defending my siblings, had to be seen as the villain in my family. I don’t have friends who I am able to open this up to without them telling me how I should feel or them trying to justify my dad’s actions. I didn’t tell anyone except two of my closest friends about the scam. My friends in college had apparently not liked my trauma dumping and talked behind my back previously, and actively do it sometimes in my presence because they think I’m slow. I’m just leaning on God right now. Sorry, this is really heavy. Thank you to whoever takes the time to read this long message. Thanks to the Dads here who listened.

Sometimes I sit in the corners of my mind,
It’s not really a choice…
But neither am I looking to be found.

For the dust has settled,
And the light is low,
This peace that follows,
Is all I want to know.

A wallless room,
No noise, no time,
A place that doesn’t exist,
A place that’s all mine.

It almost feels safe…
Comforting and real,
But this world has no patience,
For things that aren’t fuelled.

So I wiggle my toes,
And name the things I can see,
I return to reality,
And I hope the stillness waits for me.

The last few years have been the most difficult in my life. I've always struggled with my mental health, including C-PTSD. I finally went no contact with my parents a year ago after a lifetime of being treated horribly.

There were reasons I had to stay in contact, it was for the sake of someone else in the family who needs support, otherwise I would have cut contact a long time ago. It eventually got to a breaking point when my suicidality reached peak levels, and I got very physically sick at the same time. I had to cut contact, because staying alive was almost impossible.

For the first time in my life, I chose me. I won't be any good to that family member that needs support if I don't stay alive. So I chose to change my life. When I am stable and have my life together I will be more prepared to help that family member.

I've gone back to school as a mature student, and got really good marks all year! I have more schooling to go. I've confronted some of my severe childhood trauma and I've made a lot of progress. I do have some older family members cheering me on, but it just feels so lonely to not have parent give genuine parental care.

I don't really know what that feels like. I see parents with their children and I've always longed for that type of connection. I remember as a child desperately wishing that there was some sort of mix up when I was born and I went home with the wrong people. That one day my real family would realize and bring me home.

Right now I am the brokest I've ever been. To the point that leaving my roommate arrangement to go to a shelter doesn't sound like such a bad idea. I have a summer job, thankfully, but I'm still trying to catch up on my bills and I dont even know if I will be caught up before school is in again. My employment is also not guaranteed to continue past the summer.

I can't help but think if I had actual parents that I'd be able to stay with them while I finished school. Or any form of help or encouragement, really.

My entire life has been a fight. While I've had a lot of good happen in the last year, I still struggle every day. With the conditions I have I will always struggle, but if I keep working on it I will at least struggle less. My soul is tired. I just hope I'm making the right decisions and that I'm going in the right direction.

Thanks for listening, Dad.

I was going to make a throwaway but I don't even care. This is a scream into the void about how unfair life feels right now. I know I will move on in an hour but I just need to pour it out and for someone to hear me.

The shadiest cruelest girl I've ever met got engaged. When I happened to see it online, I was so overwhelmed with grief and anger and "this isn't fair." Not at all because she's engaged, but because there were pictures of her hugging family and friends. It sent me. A younger version of me was screaming inside and throwing things, because, what do you mean, the worst most abusive people you've ever met always have a support system and people who celebrate every shit they take, but I don't.

I have no family support. They were abusive my whole life and have not changed their ways. They continue to find new ways to live in delusion and unhealth. My mom talks about me like I died and garners sympathy instead of even trying to fix the relationship. I had to move states away from my family to survive. Went into the world primed for abuse, went through several awful relationships, wasted years I should have been learning who I am. Now I have the most wonderful partner in the world, and it's no small thing, but even the best relationship doesn't replace a village.

I have had no success at finding real, good friends. It has been years. I can make friends, but they've been shallow and drifted or they've gone out in a blaze when I tried to set boundaries or do anything other than pour into them. It's like my love just rolls off them and doesn't sink in, or they don't see me as a real person. They just haven't been my people. I have so much joy and love, so much zest for life, yet I am absolutely starving for safe friendships. It never ends up being safe.

I have been through a lot, and this is the safest, most secure time of my life, yet I have never felt so alone. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess I am just so deeply sad. I am so grateful for each day and I have a smile. But it feels like I have landed somewhere off the map of life that isn't rendering. I'm just walking around in empty space with no one to guide me, no quest markers, no storyline. I'm just here. I thought by now I would have found my people or my purpose. I am so grateful every day for my partner, but it's just.. if we got married now there would be no one in the wedding party. No one in the pews. It would be a quiet, empty ceremony. Yes, there is peace. But I spend a lot of time alone.

Some days I feel like I ruined it all. I broke the game, I chose the wrong option, one that wasn't even supposed to be an option, and now I'm floating and can't reload the game. Like maybe I should have stayed with my shit family and finished college. Like I shouldn't have left the church and I should have just kept lying about who I am and then maybe I wouldn't be alone. Like my family is right and I am a worthless walking talking problem and that's why there is no one around me. I don't believe that, and usually I do a good job fending off these thoughts but it gets hard sometimes.

There is a very hurt angry teenager inside me who reminds me life isn't fair and she deserved better. I tell her she is right and I see her, but I can't offer her more. I don't know where life is headed and I am just afraid to waste it. I'm tired of being alone.

Hi dad. I graduated back in December and I’m still having a really hard time with the transition from college to real life.

I keep feeling like I’m falling behind. I get a lot of support from my parents and I have a few part time jobs. I know I need to find a full time job. But I’m 26 and I feel like I should be farther in life. I feel like I’ve done something wrong.

I’m very scared of the future and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to sustain myself. I’m scared I won’t be okay.

That's the main advice I hear from people when I ask about dating/reaching out to new people, "just be yourself". I can't tell you how many times being myself has only gotten me negative things.

I don't think I'm a bad person, I don't tell at people, I don't say mean things to them, I just try and keep my own peace most of the time. I definitely go against the grain, I don't really like many popular things and my Interests aren't as common. I'm majoring in animation, which only makes people think I'm stupid and childish because all I do is draw, and it's useless to argue because they're not gonna believe that it is alot of work, they're just gonna say "well today I had a 4 hour lab on uranium isotopes" and stuff like that.

Idk I have a personality, i do things, but it's never gotten me anywhere. One time over christmas I tried making an advent calendar series of drawings of gingerbread dindosurs just to keep myself busy, and then I told that to a girl I was on a date with she laughed in my face and couldn't seem to get over it. My friends don't let me talk about my interests and will change the conversation topic before I'm even done talking. I feel like I'm too much and not enough st the same time.

I've just given up talking to people. Being myself doesn't work and just gets me made fun of and picked on, and that's so discouraging. I can't even be myself around my family because they're the same.

Idk I'm so lonely and I truly just wish someone gave a shit about me. That's all I really want

Dad, is it unreasonable to buy an old car in the following months? I'm going abroad this Spring, but I promise to study what's best for the car. Whether it's just looking out for the battery or having someone take care of it.

Why is this gap so important? Some friends also advised to give up on the purchase because of this, but I'm very limited to drive any other car at home for all the wrong reasons. I'm not expected to drive much, I wasn't even expected to get the license and of course I'm not expected to do a big purchase alone (gotta love the trust).

Maybe I'm asking one more time to hear what I want to but what do you think, buying before or after traveling far away?

Been off and on like this for almost 3 months, and I've tried everything from impromptu drain cleaner (was a vinegar-lemon solution from dollar tree, no bleach used in the solution) to a baggy of vinegar tied onto it overnight. Would truly appreciate some help fixing this since I'm truly at the end of my rope, and while I wish my own father could help, he lives 4 states away and isn't the handiest of men outside of cars and cooking🤣

Edit: Thanks to all the dads, y'all are awesome🎉!! Also, the blue and yellow that is seen in the vid is cleaner and dawn - I was cleaning the sink while filming this, just was wondering how to mess with the water running sporadically like that🤣

I know you’re not dead and I’m not actually gonna talk to you about any of this because I hate you, but I guess I just wanted to talk to I guess what should have been a father about this. What you tried to be. Should’ve been.

I fucked up, I never got either promotion at my job and they hired more people and promoted someone else. A lot of it is my bad in that I was too excited and just told my coworkers about what was happening since it was a supposed unique position that was gonna be created for me so I could have a full time thing. Lesson learned. Don’t do it because if you don’t get it, you look like an idiot and will have to clock in anyway. That’s on top of worrying about sabotage (which isn’t the case here, everyone was cheering for me).

Well, when you get denied for a promotion, your growth in a company is screwed. So I have to look elsewhere now for a job. This part I’m having doubts about since it took me 2.5 years just to get a simple position at a damn grocer. And I finally got accepted into university again but I’ll have to pay out of pocket for a year before being eligible for loans because of the program I got. That combined with scheduling for the job is an issue. I’ll need to find something part time again if I’m going to get good grades for school, but can’t build up finances with a low wage or hours. I’ll be 27 by the time I’m done my undergraduate. I cannot neglect my wallet for four years while I get that degree, so I do need that growth and paycheck for, well, living.

In the end, I’m certain of what I have to do. It’s time to start this new chapter of my life again and while scared isn’t the right word, im feeling very….daunted? Dauntful? My actions are very daunting. That’s it. I’ll be applying at other places too but might see if I can get transferred into a new place into one of the possible promotions since the only reason I didn’t get *that one* was scheduling and not being stolen from another department. I don’t know whether to be open about it to make it easier or to gauge interest behind managements back at first to see if it’s possible.

Either way, that’s just how it’s going again. I’m 23 now and my friends are getting their marriages to their 8 month long relationships and I’m still without a degree. But I’m still moving, still making some progress, which is the best I can do and better than nothing.

I’ll be okay too. I’ve come out of worse, this isn’t anywhere near the worst thing I’ve dealt with. I’m just panicking a lot for someone who’s figured it out every time they had to in the past.

I’ll be okay again soon.

Dad, why do I still need to be seen as attractive for validation for my self esteem, even though every time you told me, I shut you out (for good reason) but now I see other men as if they are my dad, and when I dont get that, it secretly hurts. But when i do get that type of validation, I find it obnoxious.

I'm 26F, my dad was 69. watched my dad with no prior health issues or medication die of a sudden heart attack right in front of me. He was my best friend but we didnt have the best relationship for the past year since i moved back home with them. I was avoidant and got angry easily. This is my biggest regret and I cannot stop myself from crying when I remember all of the times he tried to talk to me or be with me as I avoided him at home. I had always told all of my friends about how much I loved him and how much of a best friend he was to me throughout my highschool and Uni years, he was always always there for me no matter what happened. I loved him to bits, and he knew. In the past year some things just, changed. I don't know why but I grew so impatient with him that I thought things weren't the same. I still loved him, but I just could not feel the same as before. We fought more often for simple things, I started these things. Then we would make up within a few days and he never held any bad feelings for me. He'd just open his arms wide and hug me.

In the morning of July 16, . He had planted a small rosemary plant to the corner of our front yard, he dug the dry soil and got tired. Came into the house and told mom he felt weak. firsr he laid in the bedroom for a while, then he suddenly just came to the living room and laid there, shortly after we heard him do some noises from our living room like he wanted to alert us or he was afraid and tried to call for help, no words this went on for about 15 seconds, towards the end of the noises I arrived from my room to his side as he drew his last breath and laid completely still. He started losing his color as I was calling the emergency services. I saw his body and arms flopping. I tried to do mouth to mouth but i just could not achieve anything. We buried him 2 days ago. I am devastated and desperate. I don't know what to do. I am full of regret for not giving him enough love in the past year. I dont know what to do with my now alone mom, as I was preparing to move out to a different city until recent. I don't think I can leave her now. I don't know what to do . I feel like i didnt give him enough love so that I made his heart break.

in our last weeks i remember avoiding him lest getting angry at small stuff and yelling, so I just kept myself in my room most of the time. I remember not wanting him around so much. I didn't tell him that, and I still loved him, but I was angry. about 4-5 days before his passing, we had a heart to heart, but I told him some pretty rough stuff. At the end of that night we did hug, and the following morning I apologized if I was too harsh with my words, he immediately told me it was fine and we hugged again but I'm not sure. later that day I shared some of my lunch food with him. It was finger food (lahmacun) something you eat by making it a roll and biting down like a burrito, ut he had to use fork and knife because of his front teeth being dentures. I saw that he was using fork and knife and found it so cute, idk why. He quietly ate the food and I watched him with the corner of my eye. I hope he felt my love then.

I’m genuinely so lost in life but I think what I desire most is love. And not even just receiving love like I wanna be able to love ppl too. I only kinda care about some ppl but idt I love them. Idk how love is supposed to feel like.

I’m always shy and a tiny bit scared of ppl idk (not always). Idk what to do with my life too. Like I just didn’t go to the finals during uni and now I’m fucked. Idk which major to apply to or which uni to go to now.

And I’m genuinely fucking insane. Or not insane but mentally ill ig. Like to the point that multiple psychiatrist told me to go to a psych ward but my mom refused.

I also feel a bit empty now cause I just rot in bed and nothing exciting happens. Although that’s kinda good too cause I normally get stressed way too easily.

I just want someone to love and I want to feel it. Or maybe the problem is that I don’t love myself. I literally think of myself as disposable. And I keeps doing awful shit to get validation (like I’m Muslim but I post nudes, sh, do drugs and tried to 💀once. BUT I’m genuinely getting better with these stuff) Ughhhh I hate this but at least I have my cats.

I'm (18F) moving for college soon, and I'm scared.

My dad recently suffered from a stroke and a car accident while he was working in another state.

My mom had a stroke in 2022, and I was the one who called and had the hospital pick up and tell me what happened.

I don't have a car, and I'm going to be an hour and 30 minutes away from home. I'm terrified. It feels like bad things only happen to me. And I struggle because of this.

My life is okay. it's not perfect. it's not bad. i've had my share of horrible things happening to me.

I struggle with the fact that I feel as though I'm to blame for my parents having a stroke. I'm scared that I'm going to have one. I don't want that.

I'm just scared, and I don't know what to do because it feels like I'm always going to be.

What can I do to stop feeling so scared all the time?

(sorry for the word salad; be nice please)

I didn’t realize cancer would take you so soon. I wanted to do so many things with you, starting with taking you out on a vacation when you felt slightly better. I couldn’t really do anything for you... You deserved the world.

Please forgive me. I love you more than life itself. I would do anything to get you back. I hope you weren’t feeling any pain at the end..

My ex of 6 years begged and pleaded for me back, but I didn’t because he wasn’t motivated, didn’t have a job, dropped out of college and repeated a cycle that he had already been through earlier in our relationship. I financially supported him for years then we moved in together, and broke up while we lived together and had to continue that for over a year until I found a new place. I got into a new relationship and I thought the man I got with was fantastic… I found out later down the line that we were incompatible and ended things, which was awkward because we work together.

Not only did I find that out but also came to the realisation that I’m still in love with my ex. My ex has been in a new relationship for nearly 2 years now and I’m kicking myself that I didn’t act sooner. He told me he was going to move on and gave me one last chance to try again before he did, and I regret not having done it. I keep crying every night and I’m so fixated on the situation that I can’t focus on anything else or get good sleeps. I really need a pep talk. How do I stop myself from waiting for him to come back when he might not now? He told me last year we should stop talking because it was in both our best interests after he got into a new relationship, that he didn’t tell me about for over a month. I’m so stuck and want to reach out to him but I don’t want to disrespect his girlfriend/relationship. Am I done for?

Hey dads (or anyone who gets it),

I just need to vent a little. I'm 20yo. I grew up with a completely absent father. He was never around, and now after a long sentence, he's about to be released from jail soon. I’m not sure if I should go see him or not. My mom was depressed and abusive, with constant brutal beatings and a lot of control. She was always negative and would compare me to other family members. There was rarely any real support or praise, even when I did well in school.

When I was 12, I tried to end my life before school. My mom caught me, beat the living shit out of me, and made me go to school like nothing happened. I had to cover up the marks so no one would see. That same evening during dinner, she made fun of me in front of the whole family. There was no conversation about it or any support afterward.

Later on, my mom remarried and I now have a half-sister. I’m not really close with my stepdad, and it hurts to see how much better my mom treats my half-sister compared to how I was treated growing up. It makes me feel jealous and I like the black sheep of the family.

Now I’m older and have graduated from nursing school, but I still struggle with these feelings. I have really really bad thoughts almost every night, and it’s hard not to feel like a disappointment or that I’m broken from everything that happened.

Any advice on whether I should meet him would mean a lot too. Just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Dad I’m sorry for hating you and that our last conversation was me berating you that you weren’t there for me.
I’m sorry for never acknowledging how proud you were of me for the few accomplishments I’ve reached.
I’m sorry for not inviting and not wanting you at my wedding.

I wanted to say I love you and I find myself missing you despite the things that have happened. I wish I had told you that I loved you more and actually tried to work on our relationship.

Lastly I wanted to say I forgive you for the things you have said and the illegal things you’ve done in front of me. I forgive you for making me grow up in a harsh environment and forcing me to raise my sister. I forgive you for ending your life the same week your dad died. I know he was your best friend and you tried to be mine.

I love you, I miss you and I wish we could’ve gone on that fishing trip you promised with my grandpa (your dad); I guess it’ll have to wait till the afterlife if there is one.

And I’m sorry for hating you

(I think I wrote the wrong title for this, I don't mean I want to be happy with rainbows and unicorns, I just want to be ok, I want to stop this pathetic struggle, of being in a dark place and I honestly am trying)

Hi

(F28) I passed phase one of the army after so many failures the years before, I also got the dream job of dog handler (I still need to go and do phase two).

I'm back home with my dad and his girlfriend for two weeks leave (less then a week left now), before I lived with them I stayed with my mother, a violent suicidal alcholic, my childhood was certainly colourful but I think it made me more determined to get to where I wanted to be (dog handler in the army) because I wanted to become someone, make something of myself

But I'm sitting here, having relapsed in self harm (not badly) and I just don't know anymore, I don't know what I'm meant to be doing, I feel so lost and fucked, I tried and I'm trying so hard but really I just don't want to do anything and I know I just need to give myself a shake, stand back up and get on with it but I'm so fucking done man

Hello Dad(s),

I got a new job that I’m really excited about! I left my super high stress corporate job earlier this year after my life fell apart along with my health and wellbeing due to grief.

I worried for months that I would never be able to work again, that I was too depressed. But today I started working at a beautiful little cafe with a friend and I’m so thrilled! There were so many months of beating myself up for feeling so horrible.

Just feeling proud of closing the chapter on that low and hopefully beginning a healthier one.