This is more towards people with similar loss to mine where they had to bury their baby in the worlds tiniest casket. 35 weeks, March 2026

Just wondering how you guys are coping with the reality and hanging onto faith. What has your journey been like?

I don’t want some unicorn coated in sugar bullshit too.. tell me how you are really feeling, raw emotions and everything. Because right now.. everything fuckin sucks and I walk around like I have constant heart arrhythmia while going on daily life around people who are cruising through life with bliss.

That’s it. He was great. Diagnosed with textbook ptsd instantly. It made a chance to be heard. NHS staff are phenomenal but to get proper care for free and starting it so soon feels great.

I actually feel positive just for that interaction.

I’m absolutely devastated and having a major breakdown. I have a daughter that was born in 2022. I didn’t love being pregnant so it took as a while to make a decision to try for the second. But once we did, we did get pregnant pretty fast and I was so happy and optimistic!

No anxiety at all, all scans were good, “nothing to be worried about”. Then one day I started having a fever, got admitted to the hospital and the day after went into preterm labor. I lost this baby to chorioamnionitis. That was in February this year. I was 14 weeks pregnant, “in the safe zone”. No explanation, no reason, just “bad luck”.
Took a month of crying in bed, started feeling a bit better so wanted to try again.
Turned out, after taking swabs on my own request, that I still had untreated infection that three different gynecologists missed to discover. With a bacteria that was resistant to all those antibiotics I’ve been given during my hospital stay. Treated with antibiotics that gave me some very unpleasant side effects.
Got my shit together again after yet another obstacle. We tried again. Got pregnant the first try.
First ultrasound, and it’s twins! I was absolutely shocked and couldn’t believe that this will go well but also happy.
Two days after, the first heavy bleeding came and I was diagnosed with subchoriotic hematoma in the ER. I continued to bleed constantly with one another heavy episode that also ended in the hospital. All ultrasounds showed two babies growing accordingly. I stopped all activities and took it easy waiting for it to heal.
Didn’t have my hopes up but the bleeding starting to diminish at around 10-11weeks. We had a good “nothing to worry about” scan at 10weeks with two strong heartbeats. I started slowly getting excited about the whole “twins” idea, checking resources, planning how to organize the house... Started to smile again. Bump started bumping. Life got some colours.

Then yesterday I had 12 weeks scan showing that one of the twins heartbeat stopped and it stopped developing a couple of days ago. I’m absolutely heartbroken and don’t have any hopes for the future anymore. Yet another "bad luck" with no reason behind it. During the exam of the surviving twin I wasn't even watching the monitor. I’m just waiting for the other twin to die, because the “nothing to worry about” scan means nothing to me at this point anymore. 
Just numb and absolutely hopeless.

I really don't want to become this grumpy and pessimistic person... but my brain is taught over and over again that every time I start feeling hopeful - there is another trauma right behind the corner. How do I heal from this?

Life has been hell since loosing my twins (boy/girl). We have two other children who were elated to each have a baby bother and baby sister. Our eldest recently broke down in the car with us and said that god is unfair, and asked why god didn’t help the twins. She replayed everything and concluded that god must be fake that god is not real. And if he is real, he is a horrible person for letting this happen to babies. Not going to lie, it caught me off guard.

Have any of you had this conversation with your children? How did you handle it? I hate that on top of loosing my children, my other children have to suffer too.

We were so happy to be having twins baby A our boy baby B our girl. They were both so healthy and tracking well during the entire pregnancy and induction at 36 weeks. After my body failed to dilate beyond 4cm we went with a C-section. My son came out looking pale and stunned. He passed away at 11 days old. His sister was born with no issues. The drs are all telling me they don’t know why this happened. That nothing explains what happened and that they haven’t seen something like this before. We’re waiting on genetic testing but at this point I don’t even want them anymore. I went to every appointment, and the twins looked perfect at every ultra sound and their heart rates were always great. I even went to the hospital at 31 weeks when I was worried about early labor contractions. Staying in the hospital for 4 days sucked but it was worth it to be bed bound with 2 tight heart rate monitors on my belly, get woken up for vitals every hour, the iv, the steroid shots in my ass, and 2 cervical checks because if anything happened the twins were safe.

I’m so angry with my body. I’m angry that the drs have no idea why this happened and that my son’s case is being studied. Im angry that he was immediately taken, poked, put on life support, and in a hospital for 11 days instead of at peace in my arms. I thought hospitals and listening to drs would have stopped this, and all the monitoring from the twin pregnancy protected us or at least that they would know why this happened. Instead something terrible happened right under everyone’s nose.

I’m so thankful we still have his sister and she’s perfect and healthy but I can’t stop thinking about how she lost her twin older brother, how he would have been just as perfect as her, how simple and exciting life was when my husband and I were expecting our boy and girl. It feels cruel that I went through an extremely hard but uncomplicated twin pregnancy but will never be able to take our son home. Maybe if I had just decided on a c section right away he’d still be with us. I feel guilty that I’m grieving my son while celebrating our daughter and vice versa. I feel insane that I’ve thought about getting pregnant again, but I think it’s my brain trying to “get my son back” or the 2 babies we were expecting. I wish so badly I could have died on that table instead. I have SI and just want to be with my son but it’s unspeakable with my husband who’s been so incredibly strong and I still want to give our daughter an amazing life.

Thank you for letting me vent

My friend is almost 30 weeks pregnant and her baby is not going to make it. They found out earlier on that her baby would have Down syndrome, then there were complications, and now her baby is experiencing heart failure. She will be going home soon and they’re going to let baby pass when he’s ready. They’ll continue to monitor my friend. We don’t see each other often but I’ve been messaging her and had some treats sent to her.

What helped you the most when you were going through pregnancy loss? Any special gifts that you received that brought you joy? Anyone say something that stuck out to you? I once had a miscarriage and spending time outside gardening was really therapeutic for me. I remember feeling very alone though and like no one wanted to talk about it.

I’m wondering if anyone has had a similar experience, and whether you went on to have successful pregnancies afterward.

I had a normal, low-risk pregnancy. At 26+3 weeks I didn’t feel any kicks at all, so I went to the labor and delivery unit during my lunch break just to make sure everything was okay.

They performed a CTG, which was pathological. An ultrasound showed absent/reversed end-diastolic flow (Grade III umbilical artery Doppler), indicating severe placental insufficiency. While they were placing an IV line, my baby developed bradycardia, and I had to undergo an emergency C-section immediately.

Our beautiful little boy was cared for in the NICU for two days before he passed away from multiorgan failure caused by severe birth asphyxia. He had fetal growth restriction and weighed just over 700 grams.

The placental pathology showed vascular changes consistent with preeclampsia, even though I never developed high blood pressure. It also showed a marginal cord insertion, as well as a rarer finding: mesenchymal dysplasia. Because of the mesenchymal dysplasia, we’ve been referred to clinical genetics so that my boyfriend and I can both be evaluated. My son’s autopsy showed no congenital abnormalities.

The medical team doesn’t seem overly concerned about the implications for future pregnancies. They’ve told me that if I become pregnant again, I’ll have serial growth ultrasounds and take low-dose aspirin. All I want is to try again, but I know I’ll be terrified throughout another pregnancy.

Overall, we’re coping reasonably well psychologically. Of course I’m heartbroken, but it gives me some comfort to know that, because of my worhless placenta, he would never have been able to become a healthy baby. He was going to be our first child. He was absolutely perfect and so deeply wanted.

Has anyone gone on to have a successful pregnancy after severe placental insufficiency in their first pregnancy? And has anyone else received a diagnosis of placental mesenchymal dysplasia or been given any answers about what it meant for future pregnancies?

our hospital will be soon meeting us to discuss what happened with our daughter following the post mortem, and I'm just hoping to be prepared with any potential questions i might have, but I can't even think.

For what it's worth, we are expecting to have it confirmed that the loss was due to a cord knot.

I am also pregnant again so my head is all over the place.

On July 11th I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy at 32 weeks after his heart had suddenly stopped without any warning the day before. I had literally felt him move that morning and then a couple hours later I realized I hadn’t felt him move around for a little bit (which wasn’t even too abnormal for him at that time of day) but I could just tell that something was wrong. Something deep inside of me knew and I don’t know how.

That day will haunt me forever. The drive to the ER, having my greatest fears confirmed that there was no heartbeat, seeing my husband walk in the room and realize our son was gone, driving to the hospital knowing that I’d have to go through childbirth for the first time in my life but knowing that at the end of it my son wouldn’t be alive and that I’d have to leave the hospital without him. I’ll forever cherish the hours I was able to spend holding my precious boy, and I’ll never forget the excruciating pain of having to let him go knowing I’d never hold him again in this life.

The pregnancy had been going perfectly, genetic testing showed no issues, my placenta and cord were great, and we have absolutely no idea why it happened. Part of me is glad there wasn’t a major issue that could affect future pregnancies, but part of me feels so frustrated not knowing what happened and why my perfect boy passed away so suddenly without any warning. It kills me that I have to live with this pain the rest of my life. Even when I have other children in the future, I know that nothing will replace my son and I will always miss him and ache that I can’t raise him.

Thanks for listening to a bit of my story. Any advice on how to get through this excruciating pain is welcomed. I also welcome any advice on how to get through future pregnancies because I hope to get pregnant again in the near future but I’m also afraid of the emotional toll it will take on me after this experience. Thank you everyone and I’m so sorry that you’ve all had to go through similar experiences❤️

Hello, i wanted to ask you what name(s) did you choose for the baby you've lost in case no one asked you that 🤍

This comes from a place of love, because no one asked me how i wanted to call our baby we lost at 11w.

I called mine Livio Lysander 🥹🤍

Wanted to share a grief support group that I came across, E-motion. They offer a little bit more structured group where you get together to walk, hike or run once a week for 8 weeks. It starts together and then you can go at your own pace

TLDR: losing baby number 9 tomorrow. First time mother.

This may not be the right subreddit to post in, so I apologise if it’s incorrect. I just need a place to speak freely without judgement.

I (36f) first found myself pregnant mid 2024. I had a Mirena coil removed a month prior and didn’t even know I was pregnant until I woke up with cramps and my bed was soaked in blood. It had been years since I’d had a ‘proper’ period bleed so I thought it was unusual but suspected it was the aftermath of coming off the coil. My partner and I had been trying, so I went to the hospital regardless. After a few hours having bloods and scans it was classed as a chemical pregnancy. A few months later I was pregnant once more. This time I made it to the 12 week dating scan which showed that my embryo was around 6-7 weeks and it was a Missed Miscarriage (MMC). This was over the Christmas season and unfortunately there was a lack of staff at our local hospital to schedule in the surgical management which was basically ‘let’s see how it goes, the body should cope with this.’ My body, unfortunately did not cope with it. I had intense cramping through the two weeks I was waiting for a follow up, heavy bleeding, vomiting, diarrhoea - every orifice was producing some kind of fluid. I went back to my hospital and they got me in for an urgent surgery to remove the pregnancy as I had developed signs of sepsis. Then, March 2025, pregnant again. This time, triplets! All looked good, lost one at the 6 week mark, another at the 7 week mark. I started bleeding heavily so I was put on progesterone. Sadly I lost the third embryo at the 8 week mark and had another surgery for miscarriage. October ‘25… pregnant once more. Scared. I could no longer feel safe with my pregnancies, every ‘congratulations’ for the kind staff felt painful. Twins this time, and lost both from a spontaneous bleed at 7 weeks. I haemorrhaged and was taken in again for surgery. My partner and I spoke frankly and gave my body a rest. I stopped tracking my HCG and ovulation levels and started living my life. What will be, will be. March ‘26 - my periods had been normal for a few months and I’m one of the lucky few that has regular 28 day cycles. My period didn’t come. I knew in my gut I was pregnant. Took a test - two lines. Called my EPU who got me in for a scan asap. Twins. Two heartbeats. Due date was December 25th. I tried to not get my hopes up but couldn’t help but envision myself with a double stroller wrapped in tinsel. 9 week scan showed one heartbeat but one very strong baby. My partner and I were both devastated and elated. It’s hard to describe but we were holding on to both emotions. 10 weeks scan showed the surviving twin was thriving, lots of movement and a strong heart beat. 12 week dating scan. Strong heartbeat. I had made it to the 2nd trimester, properly this time. Then the sonographer asked if she could bring a consultant into the room. A consultant came, and another. They told me there was a problem with my baby’s lower limbs but because of the shape and position of my womb they couldn’t be sure. I was referred to Fetal Care. Four excruciating days later I sat on a Fetal Care bed and had a scan that took over an hour. I sat in silence, too afield to ask questions because I feared the result. The consultant told me there was a sac disturbance at 11 weeks. The gestational sac of the ‘vanished’ twin was still growing which seems to have limited the growth of the surviving twin. A foot appears missing. I was told there was a high risk of miscarriage and booked in for termination consultation the following week. The next week - the foot is there! The baby is in a better position and it is a miracle. Everything looks fine, apart from an umbilical cord issue. I was asked to wait for a second opinion which I did gladly, thankfully that this was all a mistake because my womb is just difficult to scan. Consultant scanned me - I was diagnosed with SUA and a lower limb deformity that was classed as irreparable. I was asked to come back three weeks later. This was the longest three weeks of my life. When I returned I was shocked at how much the baby had developed. It had a skeleton, I could see its features. I closed my eyes when I saw its face, I did not want to know the gender or bond with it because I was so frightened that I would get bad news again. And I did get bad news. The lower limbs are deformed to a point where amputation would be necessary. The cardio activity was strong but the damage had been done and they wouldn’t know if there was unseen damage to come. The amniotic sac had not fused to the gestational sac. The ‘vanished’ twin was still present and essentially suffocating the surviving twin. I was given options for a paediatric plastic surgeon and also told there was a huge risk to me, as the mother, of a full term stillbirth or a miscarriage. Due to my history of bleeding, there was no other option in my mind than to terminate this pregnancy. Tomorrow, at 17 weeks to the day, I will undergo surgery for termination. I am absolutely devastated. I am angry at my body and keep apologising to my baby who will no longer be here tomorrow. I feel bitterness when I hear about friends or colleagues who have had baby’s with no complications. I am sad that every time I’ve lost a baby (this makes baby 9) I have always been told it’s bad luck. I am desperate to be a mother, and I hope that day comes for me soon. But I will never feel safe in a pregnancy again. And I feel for all of you, whatever stage of your journey you are at whether it is a fresh experience, something you’re currently processing, or something that feels like years ago but also yesterday. It’s so difficult to heal.

Thank you for reading. 💙

It’s been a week since I lost our 27-weeker who stayed in the NICU for 1 month and died due to Pneumonia, NEC and Sepsis..

It is only now that everything is fully sinking in because this past week we were so busy processing many things like the outstanding bill the burial expenses and etc.

Every time I wake up, the baby is the first thing on my mind until I close my eyes to sleep. I am constantly replaying in my mind, what if I were still pregnant right now? Oh, if only the baby came out a little later like 34-35 weeks,would there have been a bigger chance of survival? I all have this what if’s scenarios and overthinking..

How did you handle the pain and guilt? My chest always feels so heavy because I feel like it was all my fault the baby came out early, since I had placenta previa and then experienced heavy bleeding.

I always look at her pictures and videos. I am trying to relive the moment when we did KMC [Kangaroo Mother Care], when I could hold her hand, and her cry before she was intubated 😭

I am a CS [Cesarean Section] mom so trying again for another baby scares me.

Please share your experiences, I know there is no moving on from losing a child..

But how do you cope up with the pain?

I lost my baby 6 years ago when she was 10 months old and ended up getting a divorce from her dad. I’ve remarried now and just had a new daughter a few weeks ago. I’m so so happy but at the same time I feel quite upset. It reopened a lot of memories that I didn’t even know I had. She looks very similar to my other daughter and im getting this overwhelming feeling of wanting to share a photo, or just tell my ex that I gave birth and she looks just like our daughter. Our divorce was messy, I’ve never wanted to reach out to him before this. What am I feeling right now? Has this happened to anyone else? I don’t want to talk about it with my husband as he is so so elated right now and I don’t want to taint anything for him.

I don’t know why I am writing this but I have no one else to talk to… my daughter Eva has been gone since May 28th the day my whole life changed and my heart shattered into pieces . She was everything I ever imagined and more, I miss her so much I don’t know how to keep going I feel so lost and sad. I can’t even remember how I felt before she passed away . I lost her to a stillbirth and had to give birth to my Angel at 23 weeks. Today I feel like I just want to take sleeping pills and never wake up again. Idk what is wrong with me I miss her so much I wish I could forget this ever happened to me and my family I hate living through this everyday it’s taking so much from me💔🥹💔. Does anybody have any suggestions? I am thinking about speaking with a counselor and joining some support groups.

It's been 8wks in a matter of hours since I lost my angel, at 41wks and the pain is as fresh as the day it happened. Each night is a sleepless battle, each day is like carrying a heavy weight, weighing me down. It's taking everything I have, everything I am, just to keep going. Focusing on the future seems unknown and dark, the plans for my 2nd IVF miracle are underway. But I shouldn't be needing to go through all this again, we did it, we made her, our dreams came true and then bang...my world shattered, she was taken away before I even got to say hello. I am so so angry and devastated. I get her post mortem results in 4 weeks, and a consultation with the fertility centre in 5. Things are falling into place, but this pain, and the thought of things getting "better and easier" seem so unbelievable. Someone said, find a new focus, it'll help, I've done that, but why do I still feel this way. I have to be constantly busy otherwise I may do something terrible. I'm under my partner's watchful eye, because he's terrified something will happen (it won't!) but he can't relax, and I do nothing but cry all day and all night. I just want this pain to stop....

Sorry this gets a bit into sex.

We had a hard year besides our loss, but with that on top it's just flattened us. It's been 5 months since our loss. I want my marriage to work out, and I will stay with my husband because I married him and he is a good person, but we are both so..tepid about life now. It feels like we are roommates or friends who get along okay enough but aren't taking good care of ourselves or our home, or interested in one another beyond surface level stuff.

I also almost died in my loss and was awake for the surgery that saved me (epidural had me numb), and for some reason that has really impacted our sex life. I have always had a really high sex drive, and we've had a great sex life, but I am literally not feeling the same pleasure/sensations that I used to. I don't even want to be sexual when im alone, but I know it's in there as I have a lot of sex dreams (thankfully about my husband), but when I wake up, the desire is gone.

Has anyone reclaimed their sex life? worked out their marriage issues?

We do have a marriage therapist who is great and helped us in the early days a lot, but she's extremely expensive so we are putting off seeing her for the time being. We also aren't really fighting, so idk what there is even to talk with her about at the moment.

It has been almost 4 months since my son's stillbirth. Am I regressing? Consistently for the last week I have been waking up in the night and can't get back to sleep. I go to bed around 10 or 11pm and usually wake up at 7am. Lately I've been waking up between 3 and 4am and I can't get back to sleep. Tonight I woke up around 1:30am. What?! I got a drink of water and thought "surely it is early enough where I can get back to sleep!" No. Now it's near 4am and I'm still awake. I don't know what's happening.

When I try to get back to sleep, my mind remembers some new, random thing that I had forgotten from my loss and it keeps me up. Tonight I was thinking about this random doctor that came in the next day after my c-section. He was young and swaggering around the room making small talk and asking questions with a big smile. It was so annoying. Who the heck even was that guy? Not my real doctor that did my c-section that was incredible. Just some random next-day doctor. Read the room, buddy! I had forgotten all about him.

​

My pregnancy journey was incredibly difficult. Everything was going smoothly until I reached 23 weeks, when I was diagnosed with a cervical polyp. My doctor explained that if I did not undergo a polypectomy, there was a risk of preterm delivery. Since I already had a cervical cerclage, I trusted my doctor’s advice and went ahead with the surgery.

Three days after the polypectomy, I suddenly started leaking fluid. At first, my doctor was unsure whether it was urine or amniotic fluid, so I was admitted to the hospital for two days for observation. After testing, it was confirmed that it was amniotic fluid. My doctor advised that if I remained hospitalized on strict bed rest until 36 weeks, there would be a better chance of avoiding preterm delivery.

For my baby’s sake, I agreed. It was one of the hardest periods of my life. I stayed in the hospital on complete bed rest, allowed to get up only to use the toilet. Even urination was often done using a bedpan, and I ate my meals while lying down. I was not allowed to sit up, not even for a second. Despite all the challenges, I kept praying every day for my baby.

At 28 weeks, my doctor discovered that my baby had passed meconium in the womb, and an emergency delivery became necessary. Even then, she reassured me that my baby would receive the best care in the NICU and had a chance to recover.

I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and she brought immense joy into our lives. My little princess was a true fighter. During her 22 days in the NICU, she bravely battled complications from PPROM, congenital pneumonia, RDS,and 4mm PDA that required heart surgery. After the surgery, she developed an infection and continued fighting with incredible strength.

Sadly, despite all her courage and determination, my precious princess passed away on July 18, 2026.

What breaks our hearts the most is that our baby had to endure so much pain and suffering at such a tender age. On the last day we saw her, she was under anesthesia, yet she looked at me and my husband with her eyes wide open. Tears filled her eyes as she gazed at us, and all we could do was watch helplessly, unable to ease her pain or hold her through her struggle. That moment will stay with us forever.

Her journey was short, but her strength, resilience, and the love she brought into our lives will stay with us forever. Her struggle was beyond words, and she will always remain our little warrior and our greatest blessing.

I've been saying the clot was in his cord but it was actually in a tiny section of the placenta, listed as affecting less than 5% of the placenta. Now I'm not even sure if it happened after he died or if it happened before and caused his death, and I cant believe that 95% of my placenta working just fine wasn't enough. I'm angry at myself for not wanting to actually schedule an induction at 39 weeks. We lost him at 39+6 (I felt him move that day but not at bed time), found out he was gone at 40, and I want to go back in time and shake myself. I believed all the stupid BS about "baby will come when they're ready" and was trying to give him a chance to come naturally. I should have listened to the part of my brain that was exhausted from being pregnant and wanted to induce a week before. He would be here in my arms instead of in an urn in his room. I'm angry at the placenta for failing me and him, I'm angry at my body for not going into labor while he was alive. He had been engaged in my pelvis for over a week, almost two. Even during the induction my cervix didn't wanna dilate properly. I'm just so defeated, sad, and angry at this whole situation and it isn't fair. I have lost all faith in my body and now I'm so afraid this will happen again when we can finally try again when I am considered healed from my C-section.

Hey so I hope this is okay to post on here but I was looking for some advice about my son’s final resting place. My little boy is getting cremated any moment now and my heart is broken and absolutely shattering over this. I plan on getting him a tiny urn and a keepsake ring if I can find one I like. The funeral home is amazing and willing to fill both for me they are such kind professional people there I’ve been very blessed for the experience they’ve given me even thought I know no one ever wants to loose their child. My question is does anyone have any advice for picking an urn? Any recommendations? Any things specificity to avoid? I’m interested in a few little custom urns but I want to make sure he’s getting a proper urn that will last forever and not one that will damage easily or I’ll regret in the future since I know nothing about urns. Please give me all the urn and keepsake advice you’d like to share. I plan on getting a ring because I’m not a girly girl that wears jewelry so a necklace or bracelet would feel off on me but a ring would be fine I’ve worn rings before and it didn’t effect me because they’re properly fitting won’t bother you but other jewelry moves and I don’t want to ever risk loosing it. Advice is appreciated. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense my sweet angel left this world Wednesday morning and I’m absolutely struggling just trying to get by day by day. If you got this far I just want say thank you for reading and I hope you have a beautiful day.

My son was stillborn at 38 weeks on February 25. He was beautiful, perfect. It was my body who failed him. I had a concealed placental abruption.

Lately, I'm really struggling with suicidal ideations. I can't help but think, why am I here if he isn't? What's the point if I don't have my son? I should've died in his place. I just want to be with him.

I'm starting to look at the world around me as different opportunities to make an exit from this life.

The pain of the loss is overwhelming. I don't know how I'm going to survive this. I'm trying to be strong, to honor my son by living a life he would be proud of. But he's gone, and this pain will never go away. How do I live like this?

If any of you are similarly struggling, I'd be curious to know how you're coping. Or I'd be happy to listen to your pain as someone who understands.

(Side note: I am getting help.)

My husband sent a gift to one of our friend’s babies for her first birthday. The friend sent us a picture saying thank you. It is an engraved tea set and in the from section my husband didn’t put our sons name. Our son passed at 2.5 months old in the NICU exactly 4 months ago today. I saw this and immediately started crying. I try so hard to keep my son’s memory alive and I just felt so heartbroken that my husband didn’t put his name on the gift. He’s one person I expect to always remember him. Idk maybe I’m being crazy