B and I met when we were young adults. We were both broke and trying to build a life from nothing. To save money, we moved in together and eventually started a small construction and home remodeling business. For years, we lived in the same house, worked side by side every day, shared household expenses, and slowly built both the business and our lives together. We spent more time with each other than anyone else, and because of everything we went through, we became each other’s biggest support system.
Our relationship became emotionally and physically intimate over time, but we never officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. We tried to make it work romantically years ago, but it never really worked, so we continued doing life together instead.
At one point, we were both casually talking to other people. I started talking about another guy because I thought he seemed like a good match for a friend of mine. B became convinced I was going to date him, so he started seeing another woman. That really hurt me—not because I thought he owed me a relationship, but because I was terrified of losing the person I’d built my entire adult life with. At the time, I also thought there was a chance B and I might eventually give a relationship another try someday, so his decision caught me completely off guard.
Ironically, after that happened, I encouraged him to keep dating her. I didn’t think it was fair to ask him to end a relationship just because I was hurt, so whenever they had problems, I often found myself encouraging them to work things out instead.
Over the years, he stayed with his girlfriend, but he and I continued living together, working together, and building our lives together. With just she has never moved in yet but At one point, all three of us got along, but eventually that changed after old history between B and me came to light. After that, he told me he needed to prioritize his relationship with her.
This is where people start making assumptions.
Most people think I’m secretly waiting for him to choose me. Honestly, I don’t feel that way. If tomorrow he decided to fully focus on his relationship with her, I’d be sad because my daily life would change, but I wouldn’t be angry that he “picked her.” That’s not what keeps me attached.
The reason I haven’t walked away is because he’s been my closest friend, roommate, business partner, and teammate for years. Losing him wouldn’t just feel like losing a relationship—it would feel like losing the person I’ve built my entire adult life with. He’s also been the person I’ve relied on the most because I haven’t had much family support.
Another thing I’ve realized is that I’m probably scared of commitment. I don’t open myself up emotionally very easily, and looking back, I honestly don’t know if I ever fully let myself explore romantic feelings because that possibility felt scary.
Recently, I’ve realized I don’t want us to be physically affectionate anymore. I told him I don’t want hugs, cuddling, or anything that feels romantic while he has a girlfriend. Those things rarely happen anymore anyway, but I wanted to make it clear that I don’t want that kind of relationship with someone who is committed to someone else. It just doesn’t feel right to me.
He doesn’t really understand that boundary. He says physical closeness with me is important to him emotionally—not sex, just affection—and in the past he’s told me I was overthinking it. We’ve gone back and forth about it over the years.
We definitely have problems.
Sometimes our arguments become one-sided because he gets stuck on his perspective. On my side, I used to be very defensive, and I can be harsh when I’m frustrated. We’ve both said hurtful things to each other over the years.
I also made choices that I regret. I voluntarily let him handle most of our finances because I liked the dynamic of him taking the lead. He didn’t force me to do that, but looking back, I realize I gave away more control than I should have.
There have also been unhealthy moments. During one argument, he made me get out of the car. I’ve also threatened to leave over the years because I felt he wasn’t acting like someone I’d want to build a future with.
Today, I honestly don’t know what we are.
I know I want him in my life. I trust him to be dependable, hardworking, and someone I can continue building things with.
What I don’t know is whether I actually want a romantic relationship with him.
Right now, I don’t think I do. What I do know is that I want him in my life as someone I can build a business with, solve problems with, and continue doing life with. That’s the part that feels natural to me.
The romantic part doesn’t.
The confusing thing is that everyone tells me those two things can’t coexist. They say because we’ve been physically involved, lived together, worked together, and built a life together, we’re basically “playing house,” and I either need to fully commit to a relationship with him or completely walk away.
If all of our issues were resolved someday, he was single, and things were genuinely healthy, I can’t honestly say I’d never be open to exploring a relationship. But that’s very different from saying I actively want one now.
My therapist believes our dynamic is unhealthy and says we either need to commit to a relationship or stop doing life together. She thinks he wants the emotional closeness of our relationship while also maintaining a romantic relationship with someone else. She also think I’m not respecting myself for living like that Most of my friends agree with her and think he’s taking advantage of me.
I don’t know if they’re right. And idk if I’m in the way he’s been my best friends since middle school.
From my perspective, I think he genuinely cares about me. At the same time, I also think we’ve developed some unhealthy patterns over the years. I don’t think either of us is completely innocent—we’ve both contributed to where we are now.
So I wanted outside opinions.
Does this sound like a toxic relationship, or just an unusual one?
Is it realistic for two people with this much history to transition into a healthy lifelong friendship or partnership without it being romantic?
Are my boundaries about physical affection reasonable?
Am I missing something obvious that everyone else seems to see?
Please be honest. I’m genuinely looking for perspectives from people who aren’t personally involved.
TL;DR: I’ve spent years living and working with my best friend/business partner. We were physically involved in the past but never officially dated. He now has a girlfriend, and I’ve decided I no longer want any physical affection between us. My therapist says I either need to date him or leave him completely because our dynamic is unhealthy. I want to know if she’s right, whether my boundaries are reasonable, and whether a healthy lifelong friendship is actually possible.

So this is an update to my previous post from just 3 weeks ago:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/02eaDDGTVF

Since posting this, things have become very clear to me and I am no longer questioning whether this relationship can or should be fixed.
A few days ago, I discovered that he had again been sending explicit sexual messages to another woman while he was abroad for work. This is not the first time. Early in our relationship, there were already issues with messaging other women, dating apps and broken trust. Back then, we talked about it and I chose to stay and try again.
This time, after confronting him, he admitted that the argument we had before he left became, in his words, “an easy excuse” for him to escape and engage in that behavior again.
What makes this even more painful is that for months, I felt that something was off. I felt the distance, the lack of honesty, the imbalance in effort. When I tried to bring this up, I was often dismissed. I was told I was overreacting, too much, “difficult”, or even made to feel like I was the problem.
Looking back now, I was not imagining things. My instincts were right.
There was a pattern of behavior that kept repeating, and instead of being addressed, it was minimized or turned back onto me.
I am angry. Not just because of what he did, but because I stayed, tried, worked on myself, and kept believing things could improve…. while the same boundaries kept being crossed.
I packed my things and left.
I still care about him, which makes this incredibly painful. But I no longer doubt my decision. This is not something I can or want to keep working through.
Some things are not about trying harder. Some things are about recognizing a pattern and choosing to walk away from it.

**TL;DR:** He broke my trust again by sending explicit messages to another woman. After giving him a second chance and being made to feel like I was the problem, I realized my instincts were right. I left. I’m done.

Tl:dr: A guy (M23) I (F20) am seeing smells like tonsil stones and I have no idea of how to tell him about this. :/ need help.

Sometimes has this unpleasant, strange smell radiating from him time to time. The closest thing that it reminds me of are tonsil stones. He has excellent oral and general body hygiene, and it’s not his breath or mouth that smells but his body instead. I am unsure what is it.

I tried googling if it could indicate some health condition but google gave me nothing. The smell is really turning me off and I don’t exactly know how to softly tell him or ask.

He is a great man and time with him is usually amazing. But the smell is not good, and sometimes I can’t take it and it’s turning me off.

How should I speak to him about it? Without being rude. I am also worried that if he might have a health condition that’s causing it, I might accidentally hurt him.

I 32 (m) know how this is going to sound but I’m seeking advice because genuinely I’m drained. My 35(f) wife constantly cries, it can be other small things, big things, but she cries quite a bit.

At first I sort of dealt with it and comforted her. But there was a period of time when I was extremely depressed, we were in a low point in our life basically starting from scratch. I had to work a labour intensive job just to get us by and she refused to work, lounged at home, didn’t even ask how I was, when I said I was low she just complained about a lack of sex, to which I had to apologise for being depressed and exhausted, and I noticed she was not there for me: in fact I noticed it was a pattern.

Every time I’ve needed to lean on her or get support. It’s just not there. I can’t discuss feelings, because the moment I do I get shut down (even when I ask if she has the emotional bandwidth for me to discuss) and / or she will say things like “we are enmeshed” “I’m not responsible for your emotions” “I need x amount of space now”, “ [defense mode] now I need more space”, questions my masculinity, etc. So generally I don’t share my feelings or where I’m at anymore. It is the opposite for her, she says she feels so supported and hence why every day she will offload, and cry and I comfort her. But I have started feeling quite resentful and just drained.

Theres never a day without it. It will range from deep crying about rehashing conversations with strangers, it could be jealousy surrounding someone, watching a tik tok and crying if someone has something or does something that she would like to do, crying about self image to trauma, it can be anything really. But I have to help her regulate quite often, nearly daily and reassure her.

It can go as far as her asking me something about me, or what I like and within minutes I’m comforting her and she’s crying, and confused as to how we have got there. It came to a point, I had to say please don’t ask me something just as a gateway to speak about you, because it feels like my answer doesn’t matter, sometimes I can’t even get an answer out because she’ll start crying. It could be like “do you like playing tennis” “I-“ “I wish I could [crying]”. And I get theres times it’s the overthinking or she gets an obsessive thought she cannot shake and then that leads to crying. But theres also the element of her being quite snappy as well, saying and doing things that I would never be able to speak to her in that manner.

It can be hard when I’m going through something and I’m having to comfort someone over and over and over, with no days break. I feel like a bit bad for it starting to get to me tbh. Like I know she needs a safe place I just feel drained and I don’t quite know how to deal with it, as I don’t want her to feel like she has no safe place and I understand some people are just criers.

Tl:dr wife cries every day and I’m feeling a bit drained. Seeking advice on how to handle it.

Hello everyone. I (32F) made an account to post this issue I have been having with my husband (40M), who I shall call Alex.

Alex is originally from Brazil, but we both live in Vancouver Canada where I’m from. Alex has lived in Canada for 10 years, and we have been together for 9 years. Overall our relationship has been great, however Alex has had a very hard time adapting to life in Canada.

The past 4 years have been exceptionally difficult for Alex and I. We used to live in Toronto, but have moved out to Vancouver 4 years ago. A few things have been causing this:

1) Alex does not speak English. Even though he lives with me, and works in Canada, he does not speak English. He practices sometimes, and he used to go to the free classes for new PRs, but he never consistently does it. When I try to force him he gets annoyed or we bicker. I think this is partly my fault, since I learned Portuguese very quickly. I have kind of given up here, as I have bought him all the books and tried to get him to do the classes, but it was always me pushing him. If I don’t push, it happens very haphazardly.

2) Alex has not learned how to use the systems here. He relies on me to do a lot of things in terms of our systems (getting IDs, going to the doctor, filing taxes, banking, etc). I try to teach him and show him how, but it always comes back to him asking me for help, or we bicker, or it won’t happen. He has been trying a bit more lately, but it’s still a lot for me.

3) Alex has been unemployed for 2 years. In Toronto he could always find work with Portuguese or Brazilian contractors, but that is much harder in Vancouver. He did have one job, but he didn’t like it and doesn’t want to go back. he does Uber Eats, but only for a few hours a day. I have been paying for everything for the 2 of us for the past few years, including air fare and travel expenses when Alex had a family emergency in Brazil. I don’t mind so much honestly, but it is very difficult to pay our bills alone in Vancouver.

4) Alex has had some very hard life events, but doesn’t want to deal with them. He lost his mother a few years ago, and he hasn’t processed it. He is also struggling with his mental health, but he doesn’t want to go to a councillor or take medication. I am trying to encourage him to do something, even just going for hikes or walks or whatever, but he doesn’t do it.

All in all, it has gotten to the point where Alex is saying he is tired with life or wants to go back to Brazil and recalibrate.

I am happy with whatever he decides, I just want him to be better. I am asking you all if there is anything else I can do to help him, or even myself?

I have also been really struggling with all of this. I love him very much, he is my best friend, but I also do everything beyond applying to jobs or putting the English in his head for him. I pay for everything, I make sure we have enjoyment and can do things, I take care of him, I listen to him. But we stay stuck in this situation.

I need some help getting him unstuck, or some advice on what I need to do.

Thank you.

Tl;dr - my husband is struggling with lots of mental health issues and has not incorporated well into Canada, and I am at my wits end with what to do.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together through every significant life event in each others lives. We have two kids, twins (2M) together. Admittedly we like very different things. I'm an indoor person and prefer watching shows, reading and drawing, while he's very active and likes the outdoors, therefore we have different hobbies we do separately.

A while ago I noticed my husband had been stressed and withdrawn, so I suggested he picks up tennis again, as he used to practice when he was younger. He did, and he started playing with a group of both man and women who get together every other day to play. He became increasingly active with the group and seemed happier and lighter.

One day, he confessed to me that he was attracted to one of the girl in the group (25F) and he suspected she was attracted to him to. Obviously this was very hurtful to hear and experience, but he said he was committed to the relationship and our family, and we started counseling. However, over the last few weeks, things have gotten worse and worse. Every conversation makes us feel more distant from each other, I feel anxious, and he feels like I treat him like he has committed a crime, when he has not done anything. He doesn't want to quit the group because he really likes the community he has built there, and I don't want to force him to do something he might resent me for, but I don't know how to navigate this. Our kids are so young, I don't want to break our family apart, but I'm not sure how much I can live with the uncertainty.

Has anyone successfully gone through something similar? How did you overcome it?

tl:dr: partner of over 10 years has a crush on a younger girl and we can't seem to be able to move past it.

My(25F) roommate's(24M) girlfriend (who I'm acquaintances with) did me a favor recently and during our 10min encounter she told me she's going to try shrooms, and not to tell her bf. I have spoken to her at shared gatherings before so i know that before they got together she would smoke weed & cigs, do mdma, etc but she stopped because of his boundaries. There was also an instance where she snuck to use my vape at a shared gathering and hid it from him and mentioned how she doesnt get why hes so strict about it. I know he's very against drug use and lying/withholding the truth in his relationships because of his values and past experiences.

I don't personally care about someone doing shrooms once. My dilemma is that she's intentionally hiding something she knows violates his boundaries, and she told me specifically not to tell him. If this is a one time thing or honestly even every once in awhile imo it doesn't seem that serious but if she randomly told me and were not close at all I feel like its unlikely this is or will be the only occurrence.

Should i keep her secret?

**TL;DR; Do I keep my friends girlfriends occasional drug use from him?

My fiancé (33M)and I(32F)had been together for 7 years. On our anniversary, I accidentally discovered he'd been using Snapchat to sext random women for about the last year (roughly once a month).

He admitted it immediately when I asked to see the app. He says it was purely for sexual gratification, there was no emotional connection, no meeting anyone in person, and no photos or videos exchanged. He was extremely upset, cried, apologised repeatedly, and said he was ashamed and didn't know why he'd done it, only that it wasn't about me and that he knew it was wrong. Our sex life has been in a bad place for about the same length of time and I have brought this up with him multiple times.

I'm completely heartbroken and don't know what to think. Is this something that can genuinely be worked through if the remorse is real, or would you consider this a relationship-ending betrayal? Has anyone been through something similar?

TL;DR; is sexting for personal gratification something that I should be able to move past or is this a red flag and sign of things to come?

I've (F34) been seeing a guy (M30) (long distance) for about two months. We've met five times, and I've stayed at his place for a few days each visit.
A few weeks in, I asked if he'd delete Bumble. We weren't officially exclusive, but he agreed and said he'd delete it. I deleted mine too.

A few days ago, my friend saw his profile on Bumble while swiping. Since our chat disappeared from my Bumble, I'm guessing he unmatched me instead of deleting his account.

What bothers me isn't that we weren't exclusiveit's that he agreed to delete it and apparently didn't. If he'd told me he wanted to keep using Bumble, I could have decided if I was okay with that. Instead, I feel like he lied, and now I've lost trust.

Am I overreacting, or would this be a dealbreaker for you?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

Husband and I have been together 5 years now. He’s always kind of been someone who is independent and values his time. I’ve learned to accept this over the years, we used to fight a lot about it but now I really do feel I give him his free time.

He has many hobbies that don’t involve me (mountain biking, dirt biking, golfing, fishing). Occasionally he’ll invite me along to fish, but never to any of the others. I don’t have an interest in mountain biking or dirt biking, but I have expressed I would like to golf with him. He wants me to take lessons before I can go with him, but I can’t afford them. He’s very competitive and I feel he’d prefer to be with people that can keep up with him.

We haven’t been on a date in over 1.5 months- maybe longer. We don’t have kids. During the weeknights, we spend maybe an hour together watching a show. He usually either mountain bikes or golfs after work until 8ish or he’s working outside on our backyard/in the garage organizing. He refuses to do those things on the weekend as he wants time to go golf or hang with friends/me. For example: we had a family camping trip and he disappeared for hours on end fishing and hardly spent any time with us. Everyone kept asking me where he was. When I said that hurt my feelings this was supposed to be quality time with us/me, he said he didn’t want to just sit around and play cards and talk- that it’s boring. Whereas I find that to be a time where great conversations happen..

By the time we can sit down and hang out, I’m exhausted from working all day and working out that I don’t really have energy to do much. Our weekends are mostly spent with our friends and us all hanging out or with family. We talk here and there, but I don’t get his undivided attention.

We’ve been trying to plan a trip for over 2 months, but always get asked to go and do things with friends the weekends we set aside and I get annoyed because he says yes. I’ve been feeling sad about it all. If I don’t bring it up and say hey let’s buy our plane tickets, it never gets discussed. It makes me feel like he isn’t thinking about it

I really feel like he has all this energy and effort to make plans to fish or golf, but when it comes to dates with me he just suggests dinner. We don’t have a free day to ourselves for the next 4 weekends.

When it comes time for the weekend, he will prioritize plans with his friends to golf vs. wanting to go and have a day spent with me. Then he gets upset saying we could be spending quality time once we’re all done with work, gym, making dinner, and chores around 9pm on a weeknight when I’m just wanting to shut my brain off and watch tv or go to bed.

We both are guilty of not prioritizing each other and saying yes to too many things (saying yes to hanging with our friends because we’ll get fomo) My love language is quality time and I need that to feel secure and loved. Right now I feel distant and like we aren’t connecting the way I wish.

How can I approach this conversation with my husband without him feeling attacked?

Tl;dr husband and I don’t spend enough quality time together

I could really use outside perspectives because I feel like I’ve completely lost my ability to judge what’s normal anymore. Apologies in advance for length…

I’m 32F, he’s 29M. We’ve been together just over a year. I moved across the country to be with him (FL to TX) because I genuinely believed he was my person.

There is so much good in him. He’s loyal, funny, affectionate at times, hardworking, and I know he loves me. That’s what makes this so difficult. The problem is that our conflicts have become all-consuming.

Whenever I bring up something that’s bothering me, the conversation almost immediately becomes about how I’ve hurt him or how he feels criticized no matter how gently I present it. He frequently tells me I’m controlling, unfair, don’t “read the room,” or that I threaten the relationship. We have six-hour arguments every week that go in circles because he struggles to stay on one topic and every issue becomes connected to every other issue. If I make a point he can’t answer, he’ll often say he needs to step away. When I ask for how long, he’ll say he doesn’t know.

Recently we had a fight where he screamed inches from my face so intensely I could feel spit hitting my eyelids. He repeatedly slammed his head into the wall, hit the counters, walls, and floor, threw cups and other small stuff, and kept yelling that I was the abusive one. During the same night he said things like he wished he weren’t alive and wanted to take his motorcycle out while he was shaking with anger.

The next day he was ashamed, but he also said he only acts that way because I “trigger” him by saying things like “I don’t want to be in this relationship” during fights.

Outside of conflict, I feel like I’m carrying the relationship. I bring him coffee, make him breakfast, offer to rub his back even when mine hurts, clean the house, think ahead about what he needs, and try really hard to make him feel loved. I don’t feel that same level of consideration in return. If I get affection, it’s usually because I asked.

Sex has become another huge issue. I’ve repeatedly told him I’d like more intimacy and that I’d really like him to go down on me. At one point he told me it was because I was “too hairy,” so I got a Brazilian. Then later he admitted he just doesn’t really like doing it. He said our lack of a sex life is because I don’t initiate, but when I initiate he turns me down. He says we have communication issues (hard agree), so I say let’s get a couple’s therapist — but then he says he doesn’t want to go to couple’s therapy.

Yesterday we talked about ending things and I started gathering my stuff. As I was did, he stopped me, begged me to stay, said he didn’t want to lose me.

If I stay, I’m exhausted because everything is my responsibility to fix. If I leave, I feel guilty because I know he loves me and I love him. What hurts most is that I feel like I’m the only one doing the work of understanding the relationship. I’m constantly analyzing our patterns, suggesting ways to communicate better, proposing therapy, trying to repair things, and trying to understand his perspective. I’m tired, and I’m hurt, and I’m not looking for validation that he’s a monster. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I just know I can’t bear to be in this kind of relationship anymore.

TL;DR: I love my partner but I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m the only one doing the work to repair our relationship while he deflects, blames me, and refuses things like couples therapy. Our fights have escalated to screaming, throwing things, and punching walls. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but I can’t keep doing this

My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years and suddenly i dont want to get intimate with him anymore even though hes perfect in almost every way and didnt change ever since we got together.

For a bit of backstory, about 8 months ago i got cancer. I went through intense chemo, my hair fell out, the whole ordeal. But im officially cancer free and starting to do better little by little. During this time my boyfriend was nothing but supportive, caring and loving. He never failed to call me beautyful even with my hair gone.

The problem is that even though i love him dearly and i cant ever be thankful enough that he stayed with me through such difficult times, i feel like im not sexually attracted to him anymore. To be clear hes a convetionally attractive man, the only thing people could find unattractive about him is his hight (hes about 3-4 inches shorter than me). I still find him very attractive but dont ever feel like doing it with him anymore.

I first started noticing these changes in myself during chemo but i thought my intimate drive was just temporarly messed with by the medications. It has been more than a month since my last chemo and im starting to notice my drive coming back, but never because of him. In fact i can almost never be turned on by him anymore.

Thats why this is so hard, because he didnt change a thing, semms like somehow i changed. We still have intimacy but its a lot less and its usually when im already in the mood or i fake it because i dont want him to notice the change or get hurt.

Ive been seeing a therapist about this for months now and together we came to the conclusion that my need to express my femininity has somehow grew a lot because of these trying times. For some context i have always supressed my feminine side sice i was a child due to some childhood traumas that im not going to go into, and i have a lot of work in being able to express it now freely even with my hair gone. Heres the thing, my boyfriend has always found me phisically attractive but i know he mainly loves me for my personality as thats just something he finds more important when it comes to significant others (hes bi). Maybe its because of this that he looks at me as a person (thats awsome in itself) but cant look at me as a woman. He also doesent act very masculine OR feminine, he doesent know much about these sides of him and just generally doesent care about them, he just acts like a person, which must be great if youre his friend but in a relationship its sometimes exhousting as hes unable to express most of his feelings because of this. I feel like this somehow might be the cause that i cant get intimatly aroused by him now that i suddenly have the need to embrace my femininity.

This is where it gets hard. My boyfriend never really cared about genders and doesnt really believe that we sometimes need to express and embrace both our feminin and masculin sides and i dont see him changing in such a big thing. This is why in our last session my therapist was laying towards the option that we break up sometimes in the future. The thing is, i cant fathom the idea, ive always imagined my future with him before this. We planned our whole future together and we are just generally so happy and compatible in all other aspects of our relationship.

I welcome all suggestions on how to solve this problem because im desperate at this point and its taking a toll on my mental health when i should be focusing on my healing. Also sorry if this post is badly worded or gramatically incorrect, english is not my first language and ive also never posted on reddit before but as i said im desperate. Thanks for the replies beforehand.

\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : How can i salvage this? Have any of you been in a simular situation?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of several years, who has never given me a reason not to trust him, was caught sexting another woman while lying next to me and our baby. I found the messages by accident when his alarm was going off and he wouldn’t wake up. I kicked him out but later let him come home because I couldn’t handle the questions from family and friends, especially with our baby’s birthday and our anniversary coming up. I can’t stop thinking about it, can’t forget what I saw, and don’t know if I can forgive him. For those who have been through something similar, what did you do?

My boyfriend has never given me a reason not to trust him. We’ve been together for years, have a baby less than a year old, and our anniversary is in two weeks. We have arguments here and there like any couple, but I genuinely never thought cheating was something I’d have to deal with.

I’m at a complete loss.

A few days ago, I caught him cheating. It wasn’t physical (as far as I know), but he was s*xting another woman while lying next to me and our baby. I found out completely by accident. His alarm was going off the next morning and he wouldn’t wake up, so I grabbed his phone to turn it off. That’s when I saw the messages.

I confronted him and kicked him out. Later, I let him come home because I couldn’t handle the thought of everyone asking questions about why he wasn’t there or why he wasn’t at our baby’s upcoming birthday party.

The problem is that I can’t move past it. Every time I look at him, I think about those messages. I can’t forget what I saw, and right now I don’t feel like I can forgive it either. I feel hurt, angry, embarrassed, and confused all at the same time.

I’ve never been in this position before. For anyone who’s been through something similar, what did you do? Did you stay? Did you leave? How did you know what the right decision was?

Hi! Would love some advice on this situation.

Last December I (22F) started dating a guy (21M), and we ended things in April. It was a really intense relationship with a lot of chemistry, and we genuinely cared about each other. I'm not going to go into every detail, but the relationship itself wasn't unhealthy or toxic.

We broke up because I was supposed to move about three hours away in August. Long distance wasn't realistic for us. Even before that, it was already difficult to see each other because we both had school/work commitments, and because of our cultural backgrounds we had to keep our relationship hidden from our families, which made meeting up much harder. We both felt that adding another three hours of distance would make the relationship impossible to maintain.

The breakup was brought up by him because he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but I also understood his concerns and why he felt that way, so ultimately I agreed that it was probably the best decision at the time. Neither of us really wanted the relationship to end, but we felt like we didn't have another realistic option. It was a very emotional but respectful breakup. We never talked about maybe trying again in the future. Looking back, I think we were both too scared to bring it up.

The last time we talked was in late June, about a month ago. I reached out because I needed help with a situation, but he wasn't able to help, and that was it. During that conversation, he did mention that he missed talking to me. Since then, we've been completely no contact because we both agreed that it was the healthiest way to try to move on.

Last week everything changed. I'm no longer moving away. Instead, I'll be starting university in his city and will hopefully be moving there soon. I even applied for an apartment that I looked at before I ever met him, and it happens to be in his neighborhood.

This has left me feeling really conflicted. I've genuinely tried to move on, but I haven't been able to. I'm still in love with him. I thought moving far away would make it easier, but instead I'll be living much closer to him.

As far as I know, he's dating casually, although I don't know whether he's interested in a serious relationship with anyone now. I'm dating a little too, but nothing serious.

The breakup wasn't because we fell out of love, betrayed each other, or had a toxic relationship. It was because of circumstances that don't really exist anymore. At the same time, it's been three months since we broke up, and he hasn't reached out to me. Since he was the one who felt unable to continue because of the distance, part of me worries that he has already accepted the breakup and moved on. I have no idea how he feels now or whether he'd even want to try again. My plans only changed last week, so there wasn't really an opportunity to revisit things before now.

Part of me wants to reach out because the reason we broke up no longer applies. Another part of me feels like I should respect the fact that we've been no contact and accept that he may have moved on. I know I'd like to see if we could make things work now that the circumstances have changed, but I'm scared of reaching out and finding out that he no longer feels the same way.

How would you approach this situation? Would you reach out? If you think reaching out is reasonable, what would be the best way to do it without putting pressure on him?

TL;DR: My ex (21M) and I (22F) broke up three months ago because I was supposed to move three hours away, and he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but understood his decision. My plans recently changed, and now I'll be moving to his city instead. We ended things respectfully and have been no contact, but I still love him and don't know whether I should reach out now that the reason for our breakup no longer exists.

My boyfriend (30M) and I (26F) have been together for 6 years, living together for 3. For context, we started dating when I was 20 and he was about to turn 24- early, but not my first relationship. However, we are definitely each other’s most serious relationship and have discussed marriage, kids, home ownership, etc together.

We have been having issues with an unfair split of jobs around the house- I feel like I do everything, including picking up after myself to reduce the need for a big clean every weekend. Meanwhile, he cleans only if I ask him too, or after a fight when he agrees he needs to do better and aggressively cleans everything the next day…until he reverts back to his old habits. We have talked about this extensively for years and he has been honest that his ADHD has made it difficult for him to change. I have tried to be cognizant that my ‘standards’ for clean are not universal standards, and to also support him on his mental health- I helped him see a doctor for the first time, seek treatment for ADHD, have tried to ask if we can clean together instead of alone, made a chore chart, asked if there’s anything he prefers to do over other chores, but nothing has changed permanently. I am not perfect myself but I just want it to be more balanced, or for him to at least communicate when he’s struggling to do his part instead of it being something only I care about.

This has made me extremely resentful in ways I don’t want to be, but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. When I’ve tried to share this feeling with him, he gets extremely defensive, our argument escalates, and then a few hours later he apologizes (sincerely) and we agree to both do better with communication

From his side, he doesnt appreciate how irritable I’ve been, how my sex drive has lowered, and how we have done less fun things (vacations for example) recently- I agree that all of these things are true, but my sex drive/funness/etc are all being impacted by this feeling that I’m putting more effort in than him. I know if we went on a vacation, I would have to plan everything from top to bottom and constantly keep him moving so we don’t miss flights, buses, trains, because we have been on vacation multiple times before where this has happened. I lost $300 on train tickets once because of something like this. I work 50 hours a week, am trying to study for grad school, and maintaining our apt while also managing mental health issues and my family- its starting to feel overwhelming. Our conversations are becoming all over the place and hard to follow because there is resentment on my end, there is a need for him to defend his perspective on his end, and we argue for hours on semantics before we realize what we’re doing is ridiculous.

We keep arguing more and more and neither of us wants to break up because we love each other. My boyfriend is a gentle, loyal, and moral human being that I respect deeply. He has shown up for me in many ways including encouraging me to stand up to my parents, supporting me when my friendships have ended, being kind to my younger siblings and offering them help whenever they need it, and we have so much in common…I don’t want to leave him but I’m scared I’m being naive at 26. We also live together, share so many belongings, have the same friends, and our families are deeply interconnected. I dont want to throw away our relationship for something like ‘cleaning’ because I believe that love can motivate people to improve for each other, but I’m afraid I’m being idealistic. I’m worried that the rest of my life will look like how it does for many women- providing labor in both the household, at work, and probably with kids. The older I get, the more i feel like I’ve changed, but he hasn’t changed with me. We have had so many conversations about the issues between us but nothing ever changes.

I am wondering if we should just end it or if my partner and I can change something about how we are discussing these things so we aren’t constantly fighting.

TL;DR: LTR living together and constantly fighting, concerned about the impact to my future if we were to stay together, and wondering if we should break up or if our relationship can be saved

I’ve (25f) been with my bf (26m) for almost 5 years. We are friends but the sexual relationship is completely gone. We both have had issues so part of it has been that. I had a vestibulectomy in March and he took care of me for weeks. He had phimosis and had to get circumcised and has had issues afterwards that haven’t been fixed yet (just to give context). I am incredibly grateful for him and what he’s done for me especially after surgery and we live together. We’ve lived together for almost all of our relationship. I tried to break up with him almost 2 years in but we never did for good obviously. I feel like we are really great friends but I’m just not wanting to have sex with him of any type. I don’t even want to kiss. We haven’t done anything like that since October of 2024 and I remember the last time I just felt off. I genuinely don’t know where to go from here. He just had knee surgery and has been staying with his dad for help with everything. The time apart has just made me realize even more I just don’t want this anymore. I don’t crave marriage or a family with him like I once wanted more than anything. I think the relationship is just not meant to be. And also we have never discussed anything about why the sexual things ended. I don’t understand why he has never talked about it. I feel bad bc I’ve never said anything but also it makes me feel unwanted that he doesn’t even want to either. Or if he does he makes it completely unknown. But aside from that, I don’t wish to and it’s just saved me having an uncomfortable conversation. Any advice?
TLDR; I’ve (25f) been with my bf (26m) for almost 5 years and I just don’t feel invested in this anymore

So, I [22M] have known this girl [22F] since elementary school, but we became really close friends during high school, even though we went to different high schools. Our dynamic was always pretty unique. For about 6 or 7 years, things were 100% platonic. She’s always been more reserved, a bit guarded, and likes to keep things under control, so we rarely crossed any boundaries. She used to call me her "best guy friend" all the time.

To give a bit of context on our pasts: I’ve had my share of relationships and casual hookups over the years. On the other hand, she had one serious relationship about 2 or 3 years ago that ended badly, and as far as I know, she still hasn't fully gotten over it. Even though I sometimes wondered what we would be like together, I genuinely valued our friendship and never pushed anything because I knew I wasn't really her type. Right now, we both study at different universities in different cities, but we always hung out whenever we were back home.
Everything flipped around late January. I posted a completely normal Snapchat story (I barely use the app, only have close friends on it) asking if anyone knew a good massage therapist for a friend who had back pain. Out of nowhere, this girl, who hadn't opened Snapchat in over a year, replied and started flirting with me hard. She said things like she wouldn't mind if I was her masseur with "VIP treatment." I flirted back, thinking it was just a inside joke.

The next day, she messaged me again asking to hang out. Sensing that this might be different from our usual coffee or beer runs, we met up at an arcade in our hometown. The whole night, she was flirting with me sexually in person, which was totally out of character for her. I flirted back, but because of our long history, I didn't want to rush things or make her uncomfortable, so I didn't kiss her. At the end of the night, when I dropped her off at her place, she told me we should continue this night sometime in the city where she goes to uni.

We kept talking, but despite that night, we never actually met up again (it's late July now). I felt a lot of mixed signals and growing distance, but we were both super stressed with university finals, so I didn't want to bring up "us" and add unnecessary drama.

Then in early June, things got really weird. A fake male account messaged me on Messenger and Instagram, asking strange stuff about my relationship with her. I used image search tools and realized the profile pictures were AI generated. I exposed the troll and warned my friend. Right after that, an anonymous email account started harassing me, sending AI-generated explicit pictures of us, telling me I'm just in the friendzone, or claiming we slept together. When I talked to my friend about it, she admitted she had been chatting with this fake profile daily since March. Even though I was freaked out, I realized she was a victim in this whole mess too.

We talked every day during that drama, but once our summer internships started in July, everything died down completely. She became super cold and distant, even more than after our date in January. Recently, she left my casual message on "read" and didn't answer my call, even though she is active online.

Over this past month, I realized I actually have real feelings for her. But right now, I feel completely lost as she pulls away and our years of friendship seem to be fading into total silence.
What are the best ways to handle a long-time friend who pulls away after crossing platonic lines? How can I handle my feelings here without completely ruining whatever is left of our friendship?

TL;DR:
My [22M] long-time platonic friend [22F] randomly flirted with me and initiated a romantic date in January after 6+ years of friendship. While I’ve had past relationships and hookups, she still hasn't fully processed her breakup from a few years ago. We stayed in touch, survived an anonymous online troll harassing us in June, but now that summer started, she went completely cold and ignored my messages. I realized I have feelings for her. How can I best navigate this distance and handle the situation constructively?

Edit:typo

Me and him met at work when we were in our 20s. I loved this place, its a huge manufacturing site, we have people from the town, from neighbouring villages and together we are like 400. husband was always an over achiever. he is currently the director of the place. so that makes him my boss.

this manufacturing site belongs to a HQ so I do not report to him officially but he is the top guy here. he is not nice, he shouts, he has a temper, he can throw tantrums. people leave, people avoid him. I don't want special treatment, we do not interact at work. sometimes he walks past me and we don't say a word to each other even though the white shirt he is wearing was ironed by me that morning and I helped him with the tie.

he yelled one day so hard at a 19 years old intern girl. she got intimidated but kinda put him in his place and reported him to the HQ, something no one ever did. I stepped in for her and for the very first time in these 4 years since he is the director, in front of everyone I grabbed his arm and shouted to cut it off with this attitude.

we spent 4 days in silence at home. we have 3 kids. its difficult for me to see him as my husband. he is the director, the boss, the man who makes everyone freeze when walks in the office area where I work too. we sleep with our back turned, on the very opposite sides of the bed. but one night he did it. he reached out under the blanket and searched for my hand. it was after those 4 days of silence. we made love that night. but that was it. we make love maybe 6 times a year. he is a handsome man, confident, tall, I am still very attracted to him but i don't know how to navigate this marriage. when he was putting his hands under my PJs I felt those are the boss's hands and I even told him I feel this way. and he was like: I am your husband. he felt offended. he micromanages people, he is controlling, he is paranoid, sees traitors everywhere. I rarely bump into him at work but we have general meetings with him once a month and he belittles us

TL;DR: my husband is my boss at work and the roles are now pretty blurred. i want to save my marriage

I (36F) was with my ex (33M) for almost three years. I have a son (6M) from a previous relationship.

He is what I’d call a functional alcoholic. He has a job and social life, so most people might not see a problem, but he drinks every day and relies on alcohol to cope with emotions he can’t control.
We broke up once before. During that time, I slept with someone else. When my ex found out, he started with hate messages as I was being unfaithful.

Throughout the relationship, he insisted I was the problem. He said I created conflict, was negative, controlling, manipulative, and always looking for an argument. He often said, “I never complain about anything.”

After one of his “good days,” serious conversations would end with promises: he’d drink less, respond to my messages while out with friends, and go to therapy. None lasted more than a few days. Within a week, he’d be drinking heavily, disappearing for hours, ignoring my messages, and acting as if nothing had happened.
When I brought up the broken promises, he said I was “wearing him down,” refusing to let things go, trying to control him, and trying to change who he was.

About a month ago, I ended the relationship. He responded with a barrage of calls and messages, calling me emotionally abusive, manipulative, controlling, selfish, and a spoiled child. He said I was the abusive one.
I then went completely no contact, and we’ve now gone three weeks without speaking.

I feel relieved not to wait for his replies, wonder how much he’s been drinking, or hope his promises will finally stick. But I still doubt myself. What if I was controlling or nagged too much and I was overreacting? What if repeatedly raising the same issues pushed him away?
I know no one here can know exactly what happened because you’ve only heard my side. But has anyone experienced a partner who always made them feel like the problem? How did you tell whether you were actually controlling or simply reacting to unhealthy behavior for so long that you began to believe their version of you?

I’m struggling to trust my judgment and would appreciate other perspectives.

TL;DR: I (36F) ended a nearly three-year relationship with my ex (33M), a functional alcoholic who repeatedly promised to drink less, communicate better, and seek therapy but never followed through. Whenever I brought up his broken promises, he called me controlling, manipulative, and the problem in the relationship. After I left, he bombarded me with messages saying I was emotionally abusive. We’ve now been no contact for three weeks, but I’m still struggling to know whether I really was the problem or if I’ve been manipulated into believing I was.

I want to preface this by saying that we had a fight because of my behavior before I started noticing these changes.

My BF (22M) and I (20F) have been officially dating for four months and including being in a commitment for 10 months.

I struggle with anxious attachment, but it’s not like I completely lose control or anything. Thankfully, I’m self aware enough that whenever he points out my tendencies, I usually stop and try not to let myself spiral further. My anxiety mostly shows up as overthinking, asking for reassurance, or asking him if he’s bored of me or losing feelings.

About 2 months ago was probably my lowest point with it, but I genuinely turned things around. I worked on myself, found ways to self-soothe, and things had honestly been going really well.
Then about a week and a half ago, I started feeling emotionally overwhelmed again (I think my hormones and period probably played a part too) It started with me bringing up a few things I wished he’d improve communication-wise. Nothing huge really, things like wishing me a ‘good morning’ or asking how my day was. Those little affirmations make me feel loved, so of course I communicated that to him

At first it was fine, but then I let my anxiety take over again. I started asking if he was bored of me and seeking reassurance more than I should have. He ended up telling me my behavior was showing signs of being “toxic.”
He knows I was cheated on before, which is a big part of why I developed anxious attachment in the first place, so I guess I was hoping he’d have a little more understanding.

I wasn’t mad at him for saying it. I honestly just felt really embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I hated that I’d slipped back into those habits after making so much progress. It wasn’t even a full week before I wake myself up from that anxiety spiral.

The day after the fight, I told him that I really am trying and that this was just a relapse, not a reflection of who I am (Because it genuinely isn’t) Before this, I had been doing amazing. But he told me he was too tired to talk about it, even over text. To be fair, he’s been back in his hometown for summer break and has had the flu for weeks, so I know he’s probably exhausted and more irritable than usual.

Normally when we fight, no matter how big it is, we always talk things through. We usually make up by the next day and go back to talking normally.
This time it’s been five or six days, and something just feels different. I know I have a tendency to overanalyze, so I’ve been trying really hard not to jump to conclusions and look at it more calmly. I’m only judging based on how he’s been texting and how he acts on calls, but he’s definitely been more distant. He used to baby me a lot, call me “baby” or my nickname, ask how my day was, or ask what I was up to. He hasn’t really been doing any of that lately.

The shift feels obvious enough that it’s making me really sad. I know I messed up. I’m not denying that. But I’m also human. My anxiety got the better of me for a few days. It’s something he knows I’m actively working on. What hurts is that it feels like I’ve committed the worst mistake imaginable, and now I’m being treated differently because of it.

I don’t mean to compare, but we’ve had much bigger fights before. One time he accused me of cheating, and it turned into a fivehour phone call that lasted until morning. That genuinely hurt me, but I never pulled away from him or stopped being affectionate afterward.

I haven’t brought any of this up because I feel like he deserves space if that’s what he needs. At the same time, this uncertainty is eating at me. I feel like I’m constantly trying to guess what’s going on in his head instead of actually knowing where we stand.

What do I even do?

TL;DR: we’ve been together for 4 months. i (20f) briefly relapsed into anxious reassurance-seeking after making a lot of progress. my boyfriend (20m) called my behavior “toxic,” i reflected, apologized, and have been actively self-soothing since. it’s been almost a week, and he’s noticeably more distant and less affectionate than usual. i understand he may need space, but even when he’s made mistakes that genuinely hurt me, i’ve never withdrawn from him like this.

I've (27M) been with my girlfriend (26F) for about a year.

She's honestly one of the most caring, loving, and supportive people I've ever dated. I'm Canadian and she's Colombian. She moved to Canada a few years ago, and throughout our relationship she's gone above and beyond for me. She cooks for me, takes care of me, surprises me with thoughtful gifts, and is always trying to make my life easier. For my birthday, she spent a lot of money and effort making me feel special. She's the type of person who would do anything for the people she loves.

I try to support her too, both emotionally and practically, and I genuinely care about her.

What makes this difficult is that there are some relationship dynamics that have been bothering me more and more over time.

She's extremely attached to me and wants to spend nearly all of our free time together. If I want a night to myself, want to spend time with my family, or don't stay over at her place, she often gets upset or takes it personally. She can also be quite insecure and often needs reassurance. Sometimes she'll become suspicious or accuse me of things even though I've never cheated and have never given her a reason not to trust me.

My previous relationship was almost the opposite. I dated a doctor who was incredibly busy and rarely had time for me. Back then, I used to wish I had a partner who actually wanted to spend more time together.

Now I have someone who loves me deeply and wants to be with me all the time, but instead of appreciating it more, I find myself pulling away.

What's confusing is that I don't want to pull away. I want to feel the same level of enthusiasm and affection that she feels toward me. But lately I've been feeling suffocated rather than loved. I've noticed my attraction to her declining, and I feel guilty about it because she's genuinely a great person.

Part of me wonders if the constant need for closeness and reassurance has slowly made me feel more like I'm responsible for her emotional well-being than her partner. Another part of me wonders if I'm simply someone who needs a lot more independence in a relationship than she does.

I don't want to end a good relationship without trying to fix things first. I care about her and would like to make this work if possible.

For people who have been in similar situations, how did you address clinginess, insecurity, and the need for personal space without hurting your partner? Were you able to rebuild attraction after setting healthier boundaries?

TL;DR: My girlfriend is incredibly loving, caring, and committed, but she's also very clingy and insecure. She gets upset when I want alone time or time with family and frequently needs reassurance. I care about her deeply, but I'm starting to feel suffocated and notice my attraction fading. How do I address these issues and create healthier boundaries without damaging the relationship?

TL;DR: After seven weeks of dating—including a month of an active sex life and growing emotional intimacy—I'm struggling with her wanting to wait until three months before becoming exclusive while still seeing another man.

Been dating a woman about 7 weeks. After 3 weeks, we had sex. Have had very active sex life forthe past month.We also meet on dates, cook together at home, etc. Mostly, a good balance. BUT... she doesn't want to be exclusive until the 3-month mark. I'm very anxious in the situation because I know she has been seeing one other guy (no sex, yet, and we've agreed to tell each other if we sleep with anyone else) and just feel like... we've been so open, intimate, etc. (getaway at beach house last week, for example) that she should be able to be exclusive with me. I'm not looking for a guarantee that this will work out long-term, but I have trouble with the short term when I think she is looking for something else.

TL;DR I love my mother but how do I stop being hurt by some patterns?

Hello, I (21F) am starting my masters soon, my mother and father are both very king and progressive, they have given the best of facilities, luxuries, privileges etc. to me and my brother (M16) and I express that often too. We can talk about anything to each other

My mother (F50) is probably in an extremely rare woman in terms of how open minded she is, not putting academic pressure on us, her having broken generational traumas for us and her ideologies aren't rigid, just for some context. She's a very fun person and adored by everyone. There have been 3-4 events in my life though that have left a mark on me, where I was not in the wrong yet a big mess was made.

• One time was I didn't want to attend our family friend's anniversary party as I wanted to relax at home, I got a hearing that no one will support me when I succeed if I stay like this, we sorted it out later.

• Second time I had a horrible sinus infection and responded back in a cranky manner when I was told no doctors are available today, I got a silent treatment of four days till I was in tears asking what I did wrong, she admitted she was deliberately ignoring me becuase I acted as if no one cared for me, I tried to logically explain that this was unnecessary and it would be better if I got scolded instead. Regardless we made up later but this one stayed with me.

• Third was we were on vacation and due to some logistics issue had to walk a lot to get to a famous flea market I wanted to go to, I felt guilty and kept asking to return but she didn't agree and we were bickering, I got some trinkets and she later said it wasn't anything great, I said I'll pay you back for the hassle and a full blown argument broke out about my "attitude" (in our culture kids don't pay)

Recently she was diagnosed with demylineation (basically swelling in brain) and she's on meds, we are seeing improvement a lot, and she's also very cranky due to the steroids and perhaps menopause too. She lashes out on anyone for small/no reason, and logic is nothing to her in these events. I have been holding back a lot understand it must be hard, I just go silent (over which my attitude was called horrible, because my face drops)

I leave for college in 2-3 days and we were at a shoe shop, I asked them to show me another colour for one and she said "this is just a flip flop, your dramatics never end" and I said in a low tone "you can go wait in the car if it's an issue, don't yell at me or be rude unprovoked" and she hasn't spoken to me since evening, when I asked her something she angrily dismissed me saying it doesn't concern me or that she'll handle it herself.

It really hits like a whiplash and it's an unexplainable feeling, I can't function when something like this happens and till it's sorted out. I'm worried the same second event thing is gonna happen again but this time as they go with me to drop me for college. I'm working on a journaling so I can become more emotionally strong and not be bothered, but it just is an unexplainable feeling when she's ignoring me or not looking at me, or being pure cold. I can't help but cry

If anyone can share anything that would be great, please be kind and respectful overall, I'd really appreciate something genuine which can help me be more strong