Long post sorry.

I planned and booked a roadtrip for my family (myself, husband, 2 year old and 11 month old) for 6 nights, staying at 2 different airbnbs. My husband had a work emergency come up 2 days before we left so I asked my mom if she would like to come instead. She said yes and seemed genuinely excited.

My mom has a brand new suv so we took hers. Everything seemed to be fine and everyone having fun. Last night we checked in to our 2nd airbnb, it had been a long day of driving and its been 30 degrees everyday of our trip which I know makes my toddler cranky. He was having more meltdowns than usual and just acting up more. When my son doesn't get his way he hits, yells, and swears. This has been an exhausting bad habit we are constantly working on overcoming. Toys are taken away, timeout etc. Anyways, I was making dinner and my son threw a fit while playing a game with my mom. My mom got up and went into her bedroom and slammed the door. She refused to eat with us for dinner, gave us all the silent treatment, and told my kids to go away when they tried to say goodnight to her.

I thought she was overwhelmed and was going to suggest her taking the day for herself and ill go out with the kids. However, as soon as I got up my mom announced she was leaving, had already called my husband and told him he had to cancel work and come get us even though she knew he can't. I tried to have a conversation with her about it, she said she's leaving because my son swears and I don't discipline him, I noted the discipline I have been doing (which happens right in front of her). She then switched to I dont discipline him right, so I asked what she suggested I change? She said I don't know and that he only does it in front of me so its my fault.

I agreed with her that my son does act up more since I've had the baby and it is mostly directed at me. She just shrugs so we end it there.

Before she leaves I confirm with her that I should cancel my upcoming jobs now (my mom watches my kids twice a week so I can work) so my clients have some notice at least. My mom said no she still wants to watch my kids, she just doesn't want me around. She repeats my son is only like this because of me and that it's my fault.

I just said okay no problem, have a safe drive home. She hugged my kids and told them she loved them, then gave me a half hug and just said bye.

My mom has always been a bit different, we never really had much of a relationship untill I was in my late 20's. She had gone through therapy and started anxiety medication which made her more stable and able to build a relationship with. She still does have emotional breakdowns here and there but I give her space and we talk through it when she calms down. Seeing her love my kids like she never loved me has brought me some healing and closure for my own childhood trauma.

However, this incident is just alot to take in. Im stuck 4hrs from home with a toddler and baby and no car. We are in the countryside so can't walk anywhere if we needed something. My husband is driving up this evening and driving us all back through the night to get us home. Im losing $600 for the 2 nights im not staying. I also feel a bit triggered seeing my mom treat my kids last night like how she used to treat me growing up. My husband is furious and wants nothing to do with her. Ive asked him not to confront her as it will just be a yelling match. We both agree we will find alternative childcare. Not becuase I dont want my mom to see my kids, I still really do want my mom to spend time with my kids but I just dont want to ever rely on her again. I know this will make her angry. But I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is something we can talk through.

I met him four months ago, and we fell in love very quickly and very deeply. I didn’t know I could ever feel love like this. Unfortunately, he has a drinking problem.
I tried to point this out to him several times, that he was turning to drinking any time he was dysregulated, but he works in an industry chock full of SEVERE alcoholics, so he couldn’t fathom his behaviors were at all questionable.
Then, a month ago, he spiraled out about fucking up (didn’t show up for me after I had a surgery), and got drunk and caused a fight that escalated to the point where I was sobbing on the ground and he was staring down at me coldly threatening to call the police.
We had a long discussion after that incident, where I told him it was too early to have lost this much trust, but I would try one more time because he had taken full accountability, was remorseful, and said he could work on it because he also found it unacceptable.
Unfortunately, a month later, he drove drunk to my home (he was blackout at this point). I told him he was not welcome in my home if he did that, and he used his key to come in any way. I told him I didn’t want to speak with him and locked myself in my bedroom; he picked the lock and came in, slurring his words in weak “explanations” that I needed to hear. Long story short, I tried to de-escalate his belligerence for hours, he tackled me twice to the ground, and I have rarely felt that scared in my life.
The thing is, he is NOTHING like this when sober. He is the loveliest person I’ve ever known, when he is sober.
He has a long history of having be at the HANDS of abuse, not an abuser, so he is very troubled by this turn of events, but says he will work with his trauma counselor and that he will never drink again. I broke up with him immediately but he keeps arguing repair is possible and he will wait as long as I need to prove he is well and can be trusted. Is that even prudent to consider?
I know this sounds pathetic and self-evident to you all. I know. I broke up with him for a reason. But I’m in so much pain. We truly, truly love each other. Please, I just need some thoughts to help my ability to stay my course / have clarity here

TL;DR greatest love of my life has a drinking problem and becomes dangerous to me when blackout drunk. I cut it off but am still struggling to let go, he swears up and down he will change. I just need help processing

I 32 (m) know how this is going to sound but I’m seeking advice because genuinely I’m drained. My 35(f) wife constantly cries, it can be other small things, big things, but she cries quite a bit.

At first I sort of dealt with it and comforted her. But there was a period of time when I was extremely depressed, we were in a low point in our life basically starting from scratch. I had to work a labour intensive job just to get us by and she refused to work, lounged at home, didn’t even ask how I was, when I said I was low she just complained about a lack of sex, to which I had to apologise for being depressed and exhausted, and I noticed she was not there for me: in fact I noticed it was a pattern.

Every time I’ve needed to lean on her or get support. It’s just not there. I can’t discuss feelings, because the moment I do I get shut down (even when I ask if she has the emotional bandwidth for me to discuss) and / or she will say things like “we are enmeshed” “I’m not responsible for your emotions” “I need x amount of space now”, “ [defense mode] now I need more space”, questions my masculinity, etc. So generally I don’t share my feelings or where I’m at anymore. It is the opposite for her, she says she feels so supported and hence why every day she will offload, and cry and I comfort her. But I have started feeling quite resentful and just drained.

Theres never a day without it. It will range from deep crying about rehashing conversations with strangers, it could be jealousy surrounding someone, watching a tik tok and crying if someone has something or does something that she would like to do, crying about self image to trauma, it can be anything really. But I have to help her regulate quite often, nearly daily and reassure her.

It can go as far as her asking me something about me, or what I like and within minutes I’m comforting her and she’s crying, and confused as to how we have got there. It came to a point, I had to say please don’t ask me something just as a gateway to speak about you, because it feels like my answer doesn’t matter, sometimes I can’t even get an answer out because she’ll start crying. It could be like “do you like playing tennis” “I-“ “I wish I could [crying]”. And I get theres times it’s the overthinking or she gets an obsessive thought she cannot shake and then that leads to crying. But theres also the element of her being quite snappy as well, saying and doing things that I would never be able to speak to her in that manner.

It can be hard when I’m going through something and I’m having to comfort someone over and over and over, with no days break. I feel like a bit bad for it starting to get to me tbh. Like I know she needs a safe place I just feel drained and I don’t quite know how to deal with it, as I don’t want her to feel like she has no safe place and I understand some people are just criers.

Tl:dr wife cries every day and I’m feeling a bit drained. Seeking advice on how to handle it.

So this is an update to my previous post from just 3 weeks ago:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/02eaDDGTVF

Since posting this, things have become very clear to me and I am no longer questioning whether this relationship can or should be fixed.
A few days ago, I discovered that he had again been sending explicit sexual messages to another woman while he was abroad for work. This is not the first time. Early in our relationship, there were already issues with messaging other women, dating apps and broken trust. Back then, we talked about it and I chose to stay and try again.
This time, after confronting him, he admitted that the argument we had before he left became, in his words, “an easy excuse” for him to escape and engage in that behavior again.
What makes this even more painful is that for months, I felt that something was off. I felt the distance, the lack of honesty, the imbalance in effort. When I tried to bring this up, I was often dismissed. I was told I was overreacting, too much, “difficult”, or even made to feel like I was the problem.
Looking back now, I was not imagining things. My instincts were right.
There was a pattern of behavior that kept repeating, and instead of being addressed, it was minimized or turned back onto me.
I am angry. Not just because of what he did, but because I stayed, tried, worked on myself, and kept believing things could improve…. while the same boundaries kept being crossed.
I packed my things and left.
I still care about him, which makes this incredibly painful. But I no longer doubt my decision. This is not something I can or want to keep working through.
Some things are not about trying harder. Some things are about recognizing a pattern and choosing to walk away from it.

**TL;DR:** He broke my trust again by sending explicit messages to another woman. After giving him a second chance and being made to feel like I was the problem, I realized my instincts were right. I left. I’m done.

I've (F34) been seeing a guy (M30) (long distance) for about two months. We've met five times, and I've stayed at his place for a few days each visit.
A few weeks in, I asked if he'd delete Bumble. We weren't officially exclusive, but he agreed and said he'd delete it. I deleted mine too.

A few days ago, my friend saw his profile on Bumble while swiping. Since our chat disappeared from my Bumble, I'm guessing he unmatched me instead of deleting his account.

What bothers me isn't that we weren't exclusiveit's that he agreed to delete it and apparently didn't. If he'd told me he wanted to keep using Bumble, I could have decided if I was okay with that. Instead, I feel like he lied, and now I've lost trust.

Am I overreacting, or would this be a dealbreaker for you?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

I know I've posted here before, about the same issue. My boyfriend of 14 years just got done talking me I duped him into a relationship...pretending to be someone I'm not. We were so young when we got together. I was still getting to know myself.

I feel like I'm a good partner, I cook, clean and work 40 hours a week. I exercise and have my own little hobbies.

He told recently me he had people (who, i don't know?) tell him at the beginning of our relationship that I wasn't really the person I was presenting to him....I don't know who would say that. I get along with pretty much everyone I meet and am generally well liked. I have a good relationship with my family. I have a good relationship with his family. I don't have a lot of close friends, but mostly because I try to spend time with him and I am kind of a homebody.

I did have a time period that I had a very bad drinking problem, I'm not saying I've been a gem the whole time, but I'm now 5 years sober.

He never has anything kind to say about me. I'm just lost. Sometimes I really start to feel like maybe I really am the problem and need to do better (I know we can all always do better). Or is he just projecting his own insecurities onto me? He says I'm manipulative and selfish and calls me a loser sometimes.

If that's how he really feels, why is he still here? And as I type this out...why am I still here?

TL;DR Long time boyfriend has such wishy washy behavior. Can be so kind and fun and then turns around and says horrible things to me. I'm so confused about where I really stand with him.

I have been best friends with her for 10 years, and we've always known each other inside and out.

The truth is, I have had feelings for her since school, but I never confessed. Her parents were very strict and wanted her to marry within the same caste, so I accepted it and stayed her friend.

She got married, and I moved on . Now she's going through a divorce, and we've been talking every day. I've been supporting her through it, but all those feelings I buried have come back.

I genuinely care about her, and I don't want to take advantage of the fact that she's vulnerable . But I don't want to hold my feelings for the second time .

TL;DR

I matched with this girl on tinder a couple weeks ago. We immediately connected over music, video games, and I took her number and started texting her. She lives three hours away from me so we FaceTimed around five times and vibes were genuinely great. I could tell she really liked me and I really liked her.

She left me know on our first face time that she wasn’t looking for anything serious right now. That her mental health isn’t where it needs to be and she’s not ready to have a long term relationship. I told her I was looking for a long term relationship and I could put that aside and just enjoy her company for what it was, cause she seemed like a fun person.

We live three hours away from eachother, and she drove up on a Monday night to meet me for the first time, and we had an amazing time. I tried my best to make the night special, we had sex, and cuddled for hours. She told me she loves when I kiss her, that when we stare into each others eyes the dopamine is too much for her to handle. She made a lighthearted joke about how cute our kids would be, and even asked me if I’d ever move closer to her. Naturally, my brain starts thinking maybe she does want to be a little more serious with me.

The morning after we spend the day together, we go to a store and I buy her a cute coaster, I buy her dinner, and I give her a hoodie that smells like me before she drives home. She tells me it was absolutely worth the drive, and that she can’t wait to see me again. I would plan on seeing her the coming weekend.

During the time leading up, I text her and the responses are slightly drier. She leaves me on read for longer. So I start getting anxious that she might be seeing other people. I knew she wanted nothing serious, but with the way that first date went and the level of intimacy present, I figured maybe her perspective shifted.

The weekend approaches and I drive to see her. We’re hanging out and I get really anxious and tell her that the drive may not seem worth it if there isn’t some level of emotional investment. I tell her we don’t need anything serious but maybe exclusivity would be good, as I found out she was talking to another guy while talking to me, and going on dates with this other guy. She tells me she doesn’t know me well enough to grant me that. That she needs space cause she can’t enter into something that resembles a serious relationship for a long long time. I think throughout this convo I really was very emotionally vulnerable. She told me she was happy I thought it up, and that she appreciates me being honest with her. We proceed to have a great weekend, and at the end, she tells me to consider how I feel and tell her if I want to keep the casual relationship going. She tells me about trips we should go on together, what we’ll do the next time we see eachother, and we cuddle for a while before kissing and her saying she was going to miss me until we get to see eachother again.

I leave, feeling positive about the conversation. Over the next few days though, I realize how dumb it was for me to have this conversation, how my anxiety truly got the best of me. The conversation was wayyyyy too early to bring up, but it was bugging me and I just wanted some clarity on how she viewed us. The uncertainty really made me question what was truly going on. I wish I hadn’t brought it up at all honestly.

She’s stopped texting me. We talked briefly the day I left, then I sent her a text about an edm show coming up we should go to as that something we talked about, and then I sent her the following:

I want to let you know I thought about our convo and I feel like I def got ahead of myself. Was reading too far in between the lines, cause I really do like you. I really appreciate you being upfront and providing clarity with me, cause I ultimately was just wondering where your head was at. Id be more than happy to continue seeing each other as we have been, if you’re up for it too

Was this text bad?? She hasn’t responded for a couple days now. She did mention having a little space over the next couple weeks but I’m worried I fumbled this.

TLDR: I had a great casual relationship with a girl, my anxiety got the best of me and I feel like I pushed her away.

Edit: k would like to add that, during the convo we had, I told her that normally casual is totally fine with me, but I do like her and the level of intimacy she was showing was making me wonder if we could have something more serious. She told me she really liked me too, but she didn’t know me well enough for that

I’m curious what other people think about my situation because I feel like I’m stuck between logic and emotion.
I (M27) - Indian if that matters, I turned 27 in January. I live in Texas. I have a little over $60k saved, and I’ve made around $80k over the past 10 months. My income is performance-based, so it’s not as stable as a typical salary, but I’ve been consistently earning at that level.
I recently moved out into an apartment that costs just under $1,600/month.
Growing up, my parents were extremely overprotective and controlling. I always had to ask permission to do things. Even into my mid-20s, there were restrictions on when I could leave the house or come home, just few months ago I couldn’t be out past midnight. It got to the point where moving out felt like the only way I’d ever have a normal adult life.
Recently, though, I finally put my foot down. Since then, they’ve actually backed off a lot. They’re much less controlling than they used to be.
The problem is that they still tell me I made a huge mistake by moving out. They keep saying I’ve ruined my life, that I’m throwing away my future financially, and that I should have stayed at home. Even though I have over $60k saved and my rent is under $1,600/month, hearing that over and over has really gotten into my head.
The confusing part is that even though things have objectively gotten better, I feel more angry than before.
Part of me feels guilty for moving out because I keep wondering, “What if they’re right? What if I actually ruined my life?” But another part of me remembers how overwhelming it felt before, and why I wanted my own place so badly.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Why would I feel more anger after the controlling behavior mostly stopped? Is this a normal reaction after growing up with helicopter parents, or is there something I’m missing?

TL;DR:
27M with solid savings and income moved out of controlling parents’ home to gain independence. Parents have eased up but constantly feeling I made a huge mistake, which is causing self-doubt and guilt. Despite improved circumstances, i feels more anger and confusion, wondering if this emotional response is normal after growing up with overprotective parents.

I 23F and my boyfriend 24M have been together for 3 and a half years. We met in college and I love him very much. He moved away to live with his family in a state 5 hours away and being away from him was difficult. So, while I finished my degree in undergrad, I looked for graduate schools to close the distance. Not only was being away from him very difficult, but my car couldn’t take the drives, and the finances of all the trips were a lot. So, I chose a school that was about an hour from him so it would be much easier to see each-other.

However, I am extremely close with my family, and my family is one of my core values if not at the top of my list. This didn’t hit me until I moved 6 hours away from my mom, dad, sister, brother in-law, grandma, and all of my friends from undergrad. After I moved, I made a life for myself for about a year, got a 4.0 in my first year of grad school, but always had this nagging feeling, every-time I left home when I would visit. I would sob as I left the driveway and watched my mom and dad wave goodbye. Not only was this hard, but the finances were hard too. I was paying out of pocket for school, and rent was INSANE.

So, I moved home for the summer after my first year of grad school, got a part time job at the golf course I grew up at, and joined a band that is doing extremely well. I started to think about this and brought it up to my boyfriend. I told him that I am extremely close with family and have so much going for me here that I don’t want to pick up everything and leave it behind while my parents grow old, and possibly miss the life of my niece when my sister and her husband have a baby.

This prompted me to look at transferring back for my final year in grad school as I won’t have rent, it will be in-state tuition and I already have two jobs that bring me income. My boyfriend says that he won’t move that far from his family and wants us to stay where he is close to his family. He told me that there’s no way he will live in my home state or even compromise and move halfway. He said it will be difficult for him to find a job in another state (not exactly true) and that he also doesn’t want to be far from his family. It feels like he doesn’t try to understand my point of view and gets frustrated when I bring it up. Saying that I agreed to this before and I am ruining his plans. He has also insinuated that i’m dependent on my family, which I know isn’t true because I did just fine on my own in my first year of grad school. — To add to this, I rarely see him when I am up where he is because he works and it’s an hour drive still. Maybe once every two weeks or so. So, what should I do in this situation?

TL;DR - My boyfriend wants me to pick up everything and move to him, but I’m super close with my family and after living an hour from him for a year I decided that is not what I want. He won’t compromise at all after multiple discussions.

Hi everyone, I just want an advice on all of it im not sure how to deal with it. Just wanna establish few things. My bf never forces or pushes or tries to be pushy for sex. He never does anything that i dont like. Even if at the moment i dont like hugging, he doesnt dare to do it. Its been 5 months since we dated and before when we were in talking stage we talked about couple of things including sex and he said hed be ready for it in about 4 months after relationship started and if his partner refused he said hed probably break up. Both of us are virgin and we're also freaky yet I cant think of being naked next to someone. If this happens Id probabkly be more comfortable in total darkness so he cant really see my body and Im also kind of scared for sex, not the act itself but of the intimacy and connection its gonna bring to us. Im a sophomore college student(just like he is) and Im doing pre med so im also kinda paranoid about egtting oregnant or having some STD transferred even though when we talked about it he said hed use condom. Also I asked him if he could take an STD test for me just to be calm about it and he said yes for sure. Hes genuinely the nicest person ive ever met and hes genuinely doing everything and anything for me and i dont even have to mention it. But the only thing is that i think he will break up with me soon if we dont have sex but i also cant even think about having sex with anybody, it feels so scary to me though i know he doesnt push me or anything. I just feel bad cuz i want us to be together and i want him to wait until im ready but im not even sure when i will be ready, maybe in 2 months, maybe in a year, i have no idea. I dont want us to break up so im thinking of doing it just because of him, but that wont upset me either im just not sure how ill feel later.

TL;DR- my bf wants intimacy but i dont think im ready

UPDATE: I recently moved to another country(where I am now and where i initially met him) and he’s one of few people(others are my new friends) that i want to keep around at all times. I dont know how im gonna manage it if we break up. I only got him and 2-3 of my friends and I moved abroad for studies and I only have support from my parents on long distance and I dont wanna lose my bf too.

PLEASE COMMENT WHAT YOU THINK

I (20 Female) have been with my BF (24 male) for a month. we meet throw hinge, and after only few dates he asked me out, he is gentle and nice, a gentleman tbh. he puts a lot of efforts, and takes care of me. I think he mind be a bit insecure, what happened is I got Glandular fever, any one who had it before would know how awful it is, so we weren't able to meet a lot or go out when we meet. He came over few days ago, we had a bit of good time, we were cuddling and scrolling throw my Instagram reels (he doesn't have Instagram), and came throw same edits of Jude, the British football player, Iike it and that's where it all started, he mentioned how disrespectful that is, especially doing it in front of him, and that he mentioned it before, which is corrected. I told him I don't mean it that way, he said what if the roles where switch and he liked a female with her b00bs showing, I told him I wouldn't care. anyways, we sat in silent for a while then we toked again , I apologised , he said he understands that I didn't mean it that way. but then, he mentioned that its been exactly a month tdy in the relationship, as someone who have been home for weeks, I don't check calendar, so I was like, wow. He did a small comment about how I didn't put effort, and I could have wear a nice outfit ( I was in dark pink joggers and a pink top) . I mentioned my illness, he said just for the future.

That comment take me off guard, I felt he wasn't seeing my illness and that me seeing him that day already an effort, due to my health at the moment, being awake fir long or speaking hurts and exhausting, even standing for more 5 mins may make me pass out. he left.

we called few times since, and today I decided to bring the problem up, not blaming him or going on him, just explaining my situation. that turned to a huge argument, he said I ignored the main problem, and trying to focus on something else, we went back and forth until he said " I'm leaving, we are done, I cant be with someone like you" I told him we just need to communicate better, honestly, I started screaming before he say that, so I don't blame him much, I told him I respect his boundaries and the reason I didn't mention it again was because I thought we moved on from the reels problem, and me coming up with that problem is not me ignoring his problem. he said he was still hurting and maybe he didn't show it, I was like no, you didn't mention you were still hurting.

he also mentioned that I brought up my problem in a wrong timing. And I was thinking, "and you bringing up my efforts when you I've been ill for weeks was a good timing"

something about the fever I've, is it makes you have no energy for a month, even after heeling, it takes all energy away, so it takes a while for it to come back, and he knows that.

he said he wants space and I should give him space if I want this relationship to continue, my only comment was its too early for this.

personally, I see the reel thing is an insecure, but I respect his boundary, he mention it before tbh, so fairs, he also mentioned the players d!ck was showing throw the shorts in the edits, something about me, things like this don't impress me, I find it gross , and I would also never notice it, I'm a 20 years old virgin, like, c'mon.

he also mentioned he doesn't know if we can go back to normal after this, and I highly agree, something inside me switch, I don't even know what to do from here, any advice would help.

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box.my one month boyfriend might be a bit inscure 

My mom has always had issues and would lie and exaggerate my entire life. Around 11 I realized she isn’t normal. We grew up being abused by her and she had issues with everyone every where we went.

She manipulated a lot of people. For example, when someone she dated stopped giving her money and no longer wanted to be with her, she called their job and claimed they were a child molester and molesting her children. He nearly lost his entire career over that, and it wasn’t true at all. Then another man she dated she coerced into buying a home together (he had the great credit and the money) and shortly after moving in, she picked a fight and hyped it up to a judge to grant a restraining order and put me on the title so that when she sold it he would get nothing. The guy didn’t do anything and just let it go.

Growing up she kept us from ALL family and kept us from our dad and his family. Claiming everyone was a molester, racist, abusive, going to hurt us etc. with incredible detail. we listened and were terrified of them all.

Years later, I started connecting to the people she warned me about and turns out they’re all normal and kind and nothing like what she said.

She lies so much she truly believes it. Also would manipulate or blackmail people. I’ve seen it but she’s told me such detailed things about trauma and relationships, situations, that apparently never happened. She abused my father physically and verbally and told us it was him that did those things to her.

I have a hard time knowing who to believe but everyone’s stories are lining up that clearly my mom is psychopath and it scares me. She’s mentally worse than I had ever imagined. What do I do? She can be so nice but also just pure wicked. I also lost all that time with those people and I can never get those 30 years back.

I’m angry and scared and hurt. She is trying to reach me but idk what to say. She doesn’t know that I know all this and doesn’t know I’ve reached out to these people… What do I do? My therapist is out of town and usually pretty booked.

TLDR

Tldr: Regardless of what I do or the amount effort I put in I'm just being asked for more despite feeling like I'm giving my all for my family. I need someone to be honest and tell me if I'm just full of myself and fucking up or if im reading this right.

This has been an ongoing thing so im just going to use the most recent examples to keep from ranting.

I (21m) have been together with my fiancé (22f) for a little over two years. This is my first real real relationship so I'm a bit lost to say the least. We have a 5 month old son who is the light of my life but things have been a bit rough. About a month before he was born i lost my job and as anyone who lost their job around that time will tell you the job market is rough, so while im trying to find a new job i joined a program to finish my ged and get into trade school so I at least have something. She is unemployed and has never had a job as her parents where on ssi so they got her on it.

Now that you have some background let's get into it though I'm still not sure where to start. We both donate plasma or at least if do her numbers are always off. This morning when we got up I went to make us breakfast but all we had was eggs which she won't eat when I asked her what I should grab to make and she said something we can't afford. So I said "Sorry lovey I don't think we can afford that, but I was thinking about maybe grabbing stuff for breakfast burritos or maybe a skillet or something." She immediately looked upset so I asked whats wrong and she started getting upset because she can't do eggs and how she really wanted the other thing. I admittedly a bit irritated but not angry or yelling said "well we can't afford that we're a bit broke so we'll have to make do with something cheaper." She was bummed (fair) but said alright. I went and got stuff for breakfast bowls/burritos and I figured since she wanted something a bit nicer I'd spruce it up a little. I got pork that I made into a maple pork, potatoes , a chilli pepper for a little spice, mushrooms, spinach, as well as tomato and onion (on the side to add) and some watermelon. She ate a few bites. Mind you these are all stuff she's said she loves and while not my go to they were pretty good and I was a little proud of myself because I never cook with spinach and I got it tender without being mush.

Fast forward we're having a good day ( I think at least) she goes to donate and gets turned away, and when she got back to the car she was upset. I tried to comfort her told her we can try something else next time, but instead she got more mad because I was my fault because I didn't make what she wanted and how I don't listen to her and how I should know she doesn't like breakfast burritos. (which she told me before she loves) And this is a constant thing anytime either I don't do exactly what she wants or something goes wrong so she can't get what she wants she picks a person to blame amd since im right there it's always me.

On top of that while I know being a mother is one of the toughest jobs but, I do my classes either first thing in the morning or if there's no time then late evenings. After my class I wake her and our son up make us breakfast, then by the time im finished cooking and cleaning it up they go down for a nap while I clean up the house. Then I usually have our son on my own until she wakes up. Then I'm typically off to go put in applications around 1-2, get home and she always has a few things for me to do typically going to get something which I'll walk or skate to, to save gas, then I get back make dinner, and then typically we watch a movie and she goes to sleep while I study and sometimes play my games. But if after all of that I either don't want to go to some gathering with her and her family who treats me like trash. She sits me down for a talk where she's sobbing and not feeling happy in our relationship and she feels unappreciated and like I don't do enough and eventually I give in.

Sometimes it feels like im being manipulated or taken advantage of, but she's far too sweet for that to be intentional. I mean her family also kept her super sheltered and borderline isolated from the rest of the world, so I don't think she understands what it means to use someone because it's normal in her family. But it still wears on me i mean I spent my first father's day drinking alone in a wingers because she had spent most of the money we had on toys and plushies (for her not our son) and didn't feel like going to a restaurant.

Please reddit let me know am I just full of it and need to check my ego? Or am I reading this right and if so what do I do?

B and I met when we were young adults. We were both broke and trying to build a life from nothing. To save money, we moved in together and eventually started a small construction and home remodeling business. For years, we lived in the same house, worked side by side every day, shared household expenses, and slowly built both the business and our lives together. We spent more time with each other than anyone else, and because of everything we went through, we became each other’s biggest support system.
Our relationship became emotionally and physically intimate over time, but we never officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. We tried to make it work romantically years ago, but it never really worked, so we continued doing life together instead.
At one point, we were both casually talking to other people. I started talking about another guy because I thought he seemed like a good match for a friend of mine. B became convinced I was going to date him, so he started seeing another woman. That really hurt me—not because I thought he owed me a relationship, but because I was terrified of losing the person I’d built my entire adult life with. At the time, I also thought there was a chance B and I might eventually give a relationship another try someday, so his decision caught me completely off guard.
Ironically, after that happened, I encouraged him to keep dating her. I didn’t think it was fair to ask him to end a relationship just because I was hurt, so whenever they had problems, I often found myself encouraging them to work things out instead.
Over the years, he stayed with his girlfriend, but he and I continued living together, working together, and building our lives together. With just she has never moved in yet but At one point, all three of us got along, but eventually that changed after old history between B and me came to light. After that, he told me he needed to prioritize his relationship with her.
This is where people start making assumptions.
Most people think I’m secretly waiting for him to choose me. Honestly, I don’t feel that way. If tomorrow he decided to fully focus on his relationship with her, I’d be sad because my daily life would change, but I wouldn’t be angry that he “picked her.” That’s not what keeps me attached.
The reason I haven’t walked away is because he’s been my closest friend, roommate, business partner, and teammate for years. Losing him wouldn’t just feel like losing a relationship—it would feel like losing the person I’ve built my entire adult life with. He’s also been the person I’ve relied on the most because I haven’t had much family support.
Another thing I’ve realized is that I’m probably scared of commitment. I don’t open myself up emotionally very easily, and looking back, I honestly don’t know if I ever fully let myself explore romantic feelings because that possibility felt scary.
Recently, I’ve realized I don’t want us to be physically affectionate anymore. I told him I don’t want hugs, cuddling, or anything that feels romantic while he has a girlfriend. Those things rarely happen anymore anyway, but I wanted to make it clear that I don’t want that kind of relationship with someone who is committed to someone else. It just doesn’t feel right to me.
He doesn’t really understand that boundary. He says physical closeness with me is important to him emotionally—not sex, just affection—and in the past he’s told me I was overthinking it. We’ve gone back and forth about it over the years.
We definitely have problems.
Sometimes our arguments become one-sided because he gets stuck on his perspective. On my side, I used to be very defensive, and I can be harsh when I’m frustrated. We’ve both said hurtful things to each other over the years.
I also made choices that I regret. I voluntarily let him handle most of our finances because I liked the dynamic of him taking the lead. He didn’t force me to do that, but looking back, I realize I gave away more control than I should have.
There have also been unhealthy moments. During one argument, he made me get out of the car. I’ve also threatened to leave over the years because I felt he wasn’t acting like someone I’d want to build a future with.
Today, I honestly don’t know what we are.
I know I want him in my life. I trust him to be dependable, hardworking, and someone I can continue building things with.
What I don’t know is whether I actually want a romantic relationship with him.
Right now, I don’t think I do. What I do know is that I want him in my life as someone I can build a business with, solve problems with, and continue doing life with. That’s the part that feels natural to me.
The romantic part doesn’t.
The confusing thing is that everyone tells me those two things can’t coexist. They say because we’ve been physically involved, lived together, worked together, and built a life together, we’re basically “playing house,” and I either need to fully commit to a relationship with him or completely walk away.
If all of our issues were resolved someday, he was single, and things were genuinely healthy, I can’t honestly say I’d never be open to exploring a relationship. But that’s very different from saying I actively want one now.
My therapist believes our dynamic is unhealthy and says we either need to commit to a relationship or stop doing life together. She thinks he wants the emotional closeness of our relationship while also maintaining a romantic relationship with someone else. She also think I’m not respecting myself for living like that Most of my friends agree with her and think he’s taking advantage of me.
I don’t know if they’re right. And idk if I’m in the way he’s been my best friends since middle school.
From my perspective, I think he genuinely cares about me. At the same time, I also think we’ve developed some unhealthy patterns over the years. I don’t think either of us is completely innocent—we’ve both contributed to where we are now.
So I wanted outside opinions.
Does this sound like a toxic relationship, or just an unusual one?
Is it realistic for two people with this much history to transition into a healthy lifelong friendship or partnership without it being romantic?
Are my boundaries about physical affection reasonable?
Am I missing something obvious that everyone else seems to see?
Please be honest. I’m genuinely looking for perspectives from people who aren’t personally involved.
TL;DR: I’ve spent years living and working with my best friend/business partner. We were physically involved in the past but never officially dated. He now has a girlfriend, and I’ve decided I no longer want any physical affection between us. My therapist says I either need to date him or leave him completely because our dynamic is unhealthy. I want to know if she’s right, whether my boundaries are reasonable, and whether a healthy lifelong friendship is actually possible.

About a year before this happened, I kissed a girl named Emily at a party at her house. We never hooked up again.

A few weeks later, I had my first kiss with my current girlfriend, Sophie. We started seeing each other, and although we weren't officially dating yet, I didn't kiss or date anyone else after that. Once we became a couple, I was fully committed to her.

About a year later, Emily invited me, my gf, and several friends to another party at her house. By then, Sophie and I had been dating for a while. I wanted her to meet my whole friend group, including Emily. I had absolutely no romantic interest in Emily.

I had already told Sophie that I had kissed Emily in the past. I honestly thought she understood that the host of the party was the same person I had mentioned before the party was at Emily's house and not assumed she had connected the dots herself. I never tried to hide anything or be secretive about it.

Months later, Sophie realized that the party host and the girl I had kissed were actually the same person. She became very upset, saying she would never have gone if she had known.

From my perspective, I never intended to deceive or hurt her. I believed I had been transparent from the beginning. In fact, back when I started developing feelings for Sophie, I even told Emily that I liked someone else (my now-girlfriend), so there was never any overlap or lingering feelings.

Sophie says I should have made it crystal clear that the party was at Emily's house and not assumed she had connected the dots herself. I can understand that perspective, but I also feel like I had already been honest about everything and had nothing to hide.

AITAH for inviting my girlfriend to that party, or was this just an unfortunate misunderstanding caused by poor communication?

TL;DR: OP took his 19-year-old girlfriend to a party hosted by a 20-year-old woman he had kissed once before they started dating.

I (18F) have been dating my girlfriend (18F) for almost three months now. She hasn’t had her first kiss yet and I am the most serious relationship she has been in. About a week ago she told me how she had been wanting me to kiss her for awhile now. I had told her I was happy she told me I just was not going to initiate it until she said something since she had not kissed anyone else I didn’t want to move too fast. (important to add on she is very shy and scared to initiate things and gets embarrassed to tell me things like this) Our relationship has moved fast emotionally, but not really physically which I am completely okay with. Today we went out on a peaceful date and walked around the park. Eventually we got too hot and found a nice bench to sit on. We were making jokes and play fighting. When the play fighting reached the end we were sitting very closely while making eye contact and making jokes. There was even moments of time where we would quiet down and just stare into each other’s eyes a bit and smile. During one of these periods I cupped her face and went in. She didn’t necessarily pull back but kinda ducked and her head dove into my chest as she was laughing. I didn’t really know what to do after that and kept saying sorry and my bad while she just kinda tried to brush it off like it didn’t happen. She was normal the rest of the night and still tried to sit close to me while saying affectionate things. We haven’t texted since we said bye and went home. I am just trying if i did something wrong or where I need to go from here?

**TL;DR; : My girlfriend of three months told me she wanted me to kiss her but pulled back when I finally tried to. What do I do now?**.

I (F26) and Teddy (M30, fake name) met at uni 8 years ago. We were casual friends/friends of friends, but we kept growing closer until we became best friends 3 years ago. Then, two years ago, we became FWBs.

The first few times, it started with us just making out and touching each other after hanging out in his car, until it grew into us giving each other oral sex and eventually reaching orgasm almost every time.

Last year, we went to his place for the first time, and it was very intimate, vulnerable, and honestly really nice. It felt like a complete sexual experience: making out, things escalating, getting fully naked for the first time, touching and being all over each other, etc. The only difference was that we finished each other off with oral sex and never had penetrative sex. I don’t want to risk anything, and neither does he unless it’s with a partner, and we’re both on the same page about that.

We’ve done the same “almost full sex” thing 3 more times since then at his house, and they were all really nice days. We also occasionally make out after hanging out lol

But whenever we talk about “it” we never ever say “sex”, We say “sexual experiences”, “sexual acts” and so on. For me, it’s because I’m worried he’ll think it’s such a big deal to me, and I’m worried it isn’t sex to him.

So, would you all consider this as us having had sex, even though we’ve never had penetrative sex? Do you think the term would be correct for me to use?

Extra info:
- Me and Teddy hang out ALL the time outside of the occasional sexual acts between us. We go to movies, concerts, shopping, eating out, etc :)

- I picked the name Teddy by choosing the name of the first male cat I find when I open Reddit, since we both love cats hahah

- English isn’t my first language, so excuse me

TL;DR: My best friend/FWB and I have done everything except penetrative sex multiple times, but we both avoid calling it “sex” Would you consider us to have had sex?

TL;DR
Me 24F and my man 25M been together since high school , all these years i have a feeling that im not smart when im arround him , he s an engineer and im a phd candidate, even tho im having a higher degree i alwayss feel kind of dumb with him specially when he starts talking with me about philosophy or tech subjects i feel like my brain shuts down and i feel so insecure and embarrassed idk why this haappens to me , sometimes he makes me feel not smart enough for him i remember a day we were talking about smth and he told me do u know subject X ? And i was like um noo .. and he told me ofc u don’t and it really hurted me but i didnt think of it much , i know that im a smart person i keep up with news and i really love history and analyzing subjects but suddenly when im with him boom , brain turn off
2days ago He told me that we don’t have the same interests he loves talking about philosophy and ai subjects but i don’t and it made me feel so insecure and made me thinking to end the relationship . Beside this he s a really good man and we get along but him feeling that we have nothing in common made me rethink this whole thing , but at the same time we undrstand each other deeply , but i guess this is a one sided feeling
Advices please .

I (30F) have been with my partner (35M) for a little over 4 years. About 2 years in, I asked him to move out because the fighting had gotten so bad I felt like I was losing myself. He moved down the street and we kept trying to work on things. For the last 2 years it's been on-and-off from my perspective, though he sees it as one continuous relationship.

Context on where we each started:
* I came in at 26 without much relationship skill - divorced parents, chaotic relationship models growing up, no therapy yet. I was defensive, volatile, bad at conflict resolution.
* I'd been cheated on repeatedly in the past, which left me hedging my bets early in this relationship - flirting, giving out my number/social media, talking to multiple people at once even while pursuing something serious with him.
* He came in less than a year out of a 14-year relationship where he'd been serially unfaithful without her ever knowing. He said he'd worked through that in therapy (occasional sessions) and it wouldn't repeat here. It hasn't, as far as I know.

How the trust issues played out:
A few months in, he found evidence on my phone (while I was asleep) of me giving out my contact info and flirting with other men. I was defensive at first, then took accountability, apologized, and started therapy. But because I'd been in the wrong, I felt I couldn't push back on how he'd found out. An "open phone policy" started, and he went through my phone repeatedly after that, leading to recurring fights about my social media, male friends/coworkers, and even conversations with female friends if I talked about him unfavorably or discussed other men.

The most serious incident: a few months before I asked him to move out, I reached out to an old friend going through a divorce and expressed interest in dating once he was through it. Those messages were discovered even after I'd deleted them. I felt (and still feel) genuinely guilty about it - regardless of how I felt about the relationship, he didn't deserve to feel discarded like that.

Since then there have been other incidents while we were on and off where I flirted, gave out my social media, or danced with other people and that has added to his hurt.

Where I'm stuck:
My friends, family, and therapist all think the relationship is unhealthy and think I should leave. I feel torn because I love him and want to repair the damage I've caused. But we keep rehashing the same old issues as if they're fresh, and there's no room for my concerns - if I bring something up, he redirects to something I haven't "resolved" from years ago. He also blames me for his ongoing anxiety and insecurity, which he treats as justification for taking it out on me. A small thing, like forgetting my phone in the car during a night out, can trigger an hour-plus anxiety spiral that no amount of reassurance fixes.

I've tried to initiate conversations to get us out of this limbo - either end it for good or commit to trying again in a way that actually feels good for both of us. We've been stuck in that same conversation, going in circles, for over a month now. He feels justified in keeping me at arm’s length, withholding affection, and being passive aggressive because I put us in this position.

My questions:
1. Are there prerequisites to repairing a damaged relationship — a specific conversation that needs to happen, or a baseline of trust that has to be reestablished first?
2. Is it normal for the person doing the repairing to be miserable through the process? If so, how do you know the relationship will actually make you happy once repaired?
3. Where's the line between protecting myself and just accepting ongoing penance for my past mistakes?

TL;DR - I violated my partners trust repeatedly and now we can’t seem to get back to a healthy place. Are you supposed to be miserable while repairing damage you’ve caused?

Hi! Would love some advice on this situation.

Last December I (22F) started dating a guy (21M), and we ended things in April. It was a really intense relationship with a lot of chemistry, and we genuinely cared about each other. I'm not going to go into every detail, but the relationship itself wasn't unhealthy or toxic.

We broke up because I was supposed to move about three hours away in August. Long distance wasn't realistic for us. Even before that, it was already difficult to see each other because we both had school/work commitments, and because of our cultural backgrounds we had to keep our relationship hidden from our families, which made meeting up much harder. We both felt that adding another three hours of distance would make the relationship impossible to maintain.

The breakup was brought up by him because he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but I also understood his concerns and why he felt that way, so ultimately I agreed that it was probably the best decision at the time. Neither of us really wanted the relationship to end, but we felt like we didn't have another realistic option. It was a very emotional but respectful breakup. We never talked about maybe trying again in the future. Looking back, I think we were both too scared to bring it up.

The last time we talked was in late June, about a month ago. I reached out because I needed help with a situation, but he wasn't able to help, and that was it. During that conversation, he did mention that he missed talking to me. Since then, we've been completely no contact because we both agreed that it was the healthiest way to try to move on.

Last week everything changed. I'm no longer moving away. Instead, I'll be starting university in his city and will hopefully be moving there soon. I even applied for an apartment that I looked at before I ever met him, and it happens to be in his neighborhood.

This has left me feeling really conflicted. I've genuinely tried to move on, but I haven't been able to. I'm still in love with him. I thought moving far away would make it easier, but instead I'll be living much closer to him.

As far as I know, he's dating casually, although I don't know whether he's interested in a serious relationship with anyone now. I'm dating a little too, but nothing serious.

The breakup wasn't because we fell out of love, betrayed each other, or had a toxic relationship. It was because of circumstances that don't really exist anymore. At the same time, it's been three months since we broke up, and he hasn't reached out to me. Since he was the one who felt unable to continue because of the distance, part of me worries that he has already accepted the breakup and moved on. I have no idea how he feels now or whether he'd even want to try again. My plans only changed last week, so there wasn't really an opportunity to revisit things before now.

Part of me wants to reach out because the reason we broke up no longer applies. Another part of me feels like I should respect the fact that we've been no contact and accept that he may have moved on. I know I'd like to see if we could make things work now that the circumstances have changed, but I'm scared of reaching out and finding out that he no longer feels the same way.

How would you approach this situation? Would you reach out? If you think reaching out is reasonable, what would be the best way to do it without putting pressure on him?

TL;DR: My ex (21M) and I (22F) broke up three months ago because I was supposed to move three hours away, and he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but understood his decision. My plans recently changed, and now I'll be moving to his city instead. We ended things respectfully and have been no contact, but I still love him and don't know whether I should reach out now that the reason for our breakup no longer exists.

My partner (28M) is the provider in our relationship. He takes care of most of our financial responsibilities and genuinely enjoys being in that role. He wants me to have a soft life, and he’s always making sure my needs are met.
The thing is, sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to repay him. I know he doesn’t expect everything to be 50/50 financially, but I still want him to feel just as cared for and appreciated as he makes me feel. We don’t have any children and we aren’t married yet but that is something he has expressed wanting with me. I don’t know how to reciprocate for all that he does for me and I feel like I’m just kind of there ?
For the men who are providers (or anyone in a similar relationship): what are some things your partner does that make you feel valued? What can I do to make his life easier or lessen the burden of him carrying most of the responsibility, even if he takes pride in doing it? I’d love to hear practical advice from people who’ve been in this dynamic.

TLDR: I feel like my partner takes on a lot of responsibility being the sole provider in our relationship. He genuinely loves it and never complains but I always feel bad & want to reciprocate but I never know how to repay him for giving me a soft life. What are things from a man’s perspective that a woman can do to lighten the load or make being a provider worth it?

I (27F) am in love with my best friend (27M). He is one of only two people in this world I feel truly know me. I never have to mask around him (both autistic), it was instant chemistry, we have the same interests and hobbies, play the same games, watch the same movies/shows/animes, listen to the same music. He matches my intelligence (I’m a MENSA member and closeness in this is important to me). Similar upbringing. Similar trauma. Great banter. I’d trust him to rewrite my soul.

We met on a dating app. We had a fling and it ended (his terms) and then went on as friends. We got very close. He went on a few dates with other women but nothing came of them. He then gave me the most magical, movie moment night and officially asked to date me. It was perfect. I had already known I had loved him for months before that. He admitted her loved me then.

Not even a month in, he ends things. Says he loves me platonically, not romantically. But said we are perfectly emotionally and mentally aligned. He has a deep fear of abandonment and ROCD and is a dismissive avoidant. Everything that happened with that felt like classic deactivation and a triggered spiral. We stayed friends once again.

That was only a month and a half ago. But he still treats me with such care. He calls me almost every night (for multiple hours) and we play our favorite game together. He helped me move (we are in the same city now). He opens my car doors. Snapchat streak. Wordle every day (which he started for me). Reiterates how much he cares for me. He knows I’m struggling mentally right now and actively finds ways to take things off my plate. We come to each other for comfort. No sex, obviously. Just best friends. He often says how only I and one other person are his closest people.

He’s talking to someone new. Each time I think about it a heat fills my chest and it’s this impending sense of dread. Like the beginning of a panic attack. I don’t act on it. He doesn’t know I feel this way. Though I’m sure he knows I love him still. He’s said we are allowed to love each other platonically. He tells new women who I am but I’m unsure if he conveys the actual closeness of it. The thought of talking to someone new for me is sickening but I almost feel like I have to.

What kills me the most is that deep down, this just feels like a pause, not the end. That we will do a third and final attempt and that will be it and we will be together. Not in a ridiculous, romanticizing the situation, desperate way. It just feels so final, so sure, so inevitable.

I go through waves of acceptance that this is how it will be forever to waves of immense grief. I just want the pain and the ache to stop without having to create distance.

TLDR: I’m in love with my fling turned best friend turned boyfriend turned best friend who is now seeing someone else and I’m spiraling.

So i very rarely use reddit and have never made a post before so forgive me if this isn't up to normal standards. This is going to be quite long so I apologize in advance.

Me (21F) and my bf (20m) have been together for a little over 4 years now. We met in high-school and have been together since then. This is my first ever relationship so I have no experience from other relationships that I can really compare this too. At first, we we're very happy together. We never fought, yelled or even had a slight disagreement. But for the last year or so we can just barely make it through the day without him screaming at the top of his lungs for the better part of an hour over little shit.

I will try my best to help him at times but there are other times there's is nothing that I really can do so I just sit and silence and listen to him scream and scream for what can be hours sometimes. A lot of times it will be over losing his vape and/or pen and instead of simply looking for it hes flips the house upside down screaming how he "just had it" and "it cant go anywhere". I dont smoke nor vape so I dont really have that sort of attachment to that sorta thing and idrk if this is normal behavior from other people that partake in these activities.

Aside from the constant screaming he doesnt take care of himself or our home. He will not shower for than once or twice a week. Ive complained about it multiple times and all he ever says is "I dont care how I present myself and I expect my partner to love me for who I am". Which i dont think is a great excuse. He also doesnt brush his teeth and he really just says the same thing as before or just blames it on depression. Which id understand but ive offered to help him get into the routine of things but he simply refuses everytime and makes up another excuse like his toothbrush is dead or he doesnt like the taste of toothepaste.

As for around the house. I cook for both of us everytime there is a meal to be cooked (sometimes we wont eat dinner after long days at work). I do laundry for the both of us. The most I'll ask is that he switches the loads over when theyre done but he hardly ever remembers to do that. I try to keep the house clean but with one person trying to keep it clean and the other not caring, it winds up dirty again in a matter of a day. Our biggest issue lately is that we have 3 cats. The only "chore" I ask him to do is to clean the litter boxes (there's 2) once a day and he never EVER does. If I ever magically get him to clean it, its met with complaining that hes tired or that hes hungry first or that he shouldn't have to clean it once a day or he had a long day at work. I should mention we both work at the same job for the same amount of hours daily.

Now I know the clear answer to anybody would be to leave. But I genuinely love him and I simply want him to be better for us. But whenever I say that he says im asking him to change and that I should've known what I was getting into in the beginning. Unfortunately we only have one car and we were passed down this house we currently live in through his parents. I live paycheck to paycheck and have no money in my savings. My father lives and hour away with his wifes parents and my mother lives close but my sister and her bf recently moved back in with my mom and I have unrelated issues with my brother there so she has no room for me.

Now I do wanna say that im not perfect either. Unfortunately, I catch my eyes wandering a lot. Ive developed small crushes on other ppl while in this relationship but I want to say whole heartedly that I have never and will never act on them. I just sometimes wonder what it'd be like with somebody else because as ive mentioned ive never been with anybody else which is another problem.

I have severely low self esteem. I sincerely dont think anybody will ever find me attractive. I can hardly take a compliment from anybody including my bf anymore because it simply feels like its out of pity. Its fucks with my day to day life severely. With that being said if I were to ever leave him i dont think I couldn bring myself to be with anybody else. Ive mentioned that if me and him dont work out then I would want to date women. But in my eyes im one of the worst looking people that a women could look at. And ik this sounds so middle school of me but this has effected me since I was very young.

I genuinely have no friends to ask advice and my parents to have bigger shit to deal with rather than listen to me complain. So I came here as a last resort. Genuinely wtf do I do. If any other info is needed I'll do my best to respond timely. I just need some help. Please

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

I (36F) work union construction. I’m good at my job, I work hard to be respected, I don’t give the heavy jobs to the men. I am happily married; 10 year relationship. My husband (36M) is a stay at home Dad and worries about flirting at work. I want to feel like I belong. I naturally am very generous, quick to laugh, and (due to ADHD) also quick to add or interrupt where I probably should have stayed quiet. I’m average attractive. I do try to suppress all that, but when I’m too quiet I’m seen as stuck up. People’s first impression of me is snobby, but I’m actually just socially unaware and a bit weird. Having a good working relationship is very important, otherwise it can be very hard to find work in the future. I want to honor my husband. I also don’t want people to be afraid of being themselves around me. I’m terrified of people thinking I’m flirting when I’m just trying to fit in. I’ve heard guys describe conversations with female coworkers as flirting when to me it was clear they were also just trying to fit in. I desperately don’t want that image. It seems when I just try to be included they stop seeing me as stuck up but start to see it as flirty. If guys start to see my behavior as flirty it could ruin my marriage. My husband would be so angry and humiliated if I had that reputation, even if I didn’t do anything wrong. I love my job, and frankly, we NEED the income I get from it. What do I do?

TLDR: How do I fit in with all male coworkers as a married female, without flirting or acting stuck up?