Ok sooo yk I'm almost 19. and I love babiessssss. Like yk how I always get cuteness aggression, even at grownass men, including artists. 😭 Like, I'm mamaying everyone atp. Even my friends say they feel so warm around me and say I feel like their mama. Even babies in malls love me. 😭
One time, a random 12ish old boy on a bus fell asleep on me, and I didn't move his head because I didn't wanna wake him up. My whole arm went completely numb, and my mama scolded me lol.
And I reallyy wanna have my own babyyy asap, but I feel so bad because my mama says I'm weird for that. She scolds me when I cooo at literally anything, like tiny puppies, babies, and all. She says I should act like a nineteen yr old, not like an adult. 🥀
But she's also the one who sometimes comes and sleeps in my bed. Like, whenever I try talking to her, she keeps yawning, and I'm a yapper 😭 While I'm yapping, she falls asleep, and when I ask why, she says she feels sooo sleepy in a good way because she feels warmth and peace in me.
But tf is this warmth people feel around me? And when my friends say I feel like their mama, I get internally frustrated because, gurl, I'm literally the same age as you. Why would you call me that? :(((
Is this normal? Because I feel sooo mad at myself for wanting to baby someone. Like, even if I had a bf who was older than me, I would adopt him as my baby too and cuddle the tf outta him. But at the same time, I feel weird for wanting that, when one part of my brain wants to rebel and enjoy life since i'm such a freaky person , not marry and have a baby of my own :(
But whenever babies cry and I go near them, they somehow calm down Like, for example, this one baby was only six months old and her mom had to go out for hours because of an emergency. Everyone tried to calm her down, even with her mom’s milk, but nothing was working.
She’s one of my distant relatives, and her dad and grandma were there too, but nobody gave her to me at first because they thought I wouldn’t be able to handle her since she was crying so much.
But when I finally held her, she just snuggled into my chest like she thought I was her mama 😭 and she even made that little sucking mouth thing, which honestly made me so embarrassed because like... I’m still a kid myself too 😭 so i said no boobie for you lol
But then I just smiled, showed her some flowers and trees, talked to her a little, and she slowly calmed down and stopped crying and went to sleep while snuggling to me.
My brother was teasing me and laughing like, “Eww, even that baby thought your chest was bigger and pillowy”💀He was joking that she went into “I found my mama” mode and fell asleep. He also told me I should stop rocking babies or acting like that because normally teens my age don’t do it.
BUTTT ik if I have a baby, I would play with her, coo at her, peck her a thousand times a day, and be with her for hours lol. Because even though I'm 19, I can't stay still. I'm always clingyyy. It would be the same with my man too. 😭(But ahhh, even though I wanna rebelll and be like other teens, I always say no to dates and proposals because they feel like a hell no to me.......
Again, I know it sounds a little weird, but I actually love it. The thing is, when my family shames me for it, I start feeling embarrassed about myself too,
like “why can’t I just be me like ahhh I hate the way I am CUZ i wanna be NORMAL like other teenss. :( "
Alsooo, wait... I don't actually like when people squeeze me, sleep on my shoulder, or cuddle me. My people do it forcefully, saying my body is like a pillow, but I don't like it. I don't even coo at my friends lol. I've never really felt comfortable enough around anyone to fully be myself or initiate cuddling with people.
But I know my cuteness aggression and this trapped, overflowing love would probably explode onto my own baby and my future man because I'd accept them as my own. Ykwim?
When people cling to me like that, I honestly feel used, but I can't say no either. It's not mutual at all. Even with my mama, sometimes I cry myself to sleep wondering why I can't drop my guard and feel the same warmth that everyone says I radiate. 😭
I feel like a moth attracting everyone, but in return, I don't really feel that same sense of comfort or safety with anyone. I think that's one of the reasons I always say no to boys my age who try to hit on me.
So I guess my question is... is this a normal personality? Is it normal to have so much nurturing or maternal instinct this young while also wanting to enjoy being 19? Why do people describe me as "warm" or "motherly" when I don't even feel that warmth myself? And does anyone else feel like they have so much LOVEE LIKE OVERFLOWING LOVE to give, but struggle to actually let themselves receive it?
p.s; Thank you to all the Redditors who reached out to me and gave y'all your opinions. And just to be clear, even though I love babies and want to have one of my own ASAP, I can't.
I'm from Asia, and my family is strict and well educated. So the path I'm expected to follow is: get a good education first, then date, then get married, and then have a baby in my mid or late twenties. That's the process.
Buttt i don't want itttttttt 😭
(Dear lord gimme my soulmate so i can break free from this path )🥀😞
That's why every time I'm mommying or cooing over a baby like I'm already a mama, both my mom and brother kind of humiliate me because they want me to follow that "safe and secure" path so there won't be any shame or worries later on according to them.
And honestly, I know having a baby is a huge responsibility. I'm still like a dumbass kid who follows her mom around like a little duckling in public lol. So unless I become fully independent or marry someone who's independent lmaoooo, I'm not going to have a baby and risk ruining both of our futures.