My wife (29F) and I (29M) have been together for 11 years, married for almost 4. Highschool sweethearts. No kids, we both decided its not for us. Spent 1.5 years long distance after I moved for college almost immediately after we got together, and she moved to the same city for school as well, then moved back to our home town together and started living together.

We both basically did nothing but work our asses off for the last decade, my career did not really take off after college (3D game design) so I had a hard time coping with going back home. Her career as an esthetician took off nicely and she worked at the same spa for about 8 years. I worked at a fish plant in sanitation for 3 years and saved up for about 1/2 the amount of what our wedding costed. Left the plant and decided to be a cook in restaurants cause I enjoyed cooking at home and turned out I was pretty good at it.

About a year or so after we got married she started going through some health problems and some pretty major depression, taking multiple medical leaves due to having panic attacks in the morning before work. The spa she was working at was also in the midst of closing down due to not finding a new building in time before their lease was up, and there wasnt really anywhere else in our small town for her to go, she basically started at the top already with how good that place was.

At this point she basically stopped working for good, her job vanished, and I was working full time as a cook while also doing a full time networking IT course remotely. Failed a couple of my classes because I was more concerned with making sure she was okay mentally. Christmas of 2024 was the worst time of my life. I almost lost her.

We were not very good at communicating when it came to money, thinking back now I would have made enough to get us both by but we were still focused on being 50/50. She was on medical EI, and I made a decent cooks wage (20.50/hr in BC) plus good tips. 3 days before rent was due and id ask how short she was, time and time again we would panic at the last moment and id have to sell a bunch of shit and ask family for money. She eventually started therapy, which ended up being cut short due to the tariffs with the US and that the therapy wasn't covered anymore and we could not afford to pay it outright.

After finishing my IT course, we decided to move to a slightly bigger city about 2 hours away, still fairly close to family. We didnt have any savings at all for the move so we sold our car for almost 10k. We both had jobs lined up, i was so happy for her to start working again. She got a job at a children's clothing store and I was at an Irish pub. We ended up getting a puppy right after the move, as this was the first time we have lived somewhere that allowed pets, so we got one right away. We love him so much, my wife stopped taking her depression and anxiety medication with him.

She got freaked out by having to be around other people's children alot and quit. She then got a part time job at a bath and body works, training took 3 weeks for 3 whole shifts, she called out sick twice in the first week due to her anxiety attacks coming back and they stopped scheduling her. She wasnt ready to work quite yet, and drama surrounding her brother's wedding set her back to square 1.

My job was also not great, first time doing commercial cooking after coming from a taproom pizza place, best job ever BTW. Chained to a deep fryer for 8 hours, no one cared to talk to the new guy. Food was absolute slop, I got told I wouldn't have to work late and I was off at 1am every night, could never find a way home and literally cabbed home every night. So I also did a stupid and quit my job after being screamed at by a coke head.

After multiple trial shifts at other restaurants, one spot I was really interested in was hiring for a 1st cook, shot my shot and after a trial shift I was told I did not get picked but I was 2nd choice. The next day I got a text at 9pm saying there was a "bad reference check" and asked if I still wanted the job. I was ecstatic, the food was amazing, things were made by scratch, i could show up in a t shirt and just put an apron on. After a two week orientation I got let go after literally zero critique, basically told me I wasnt good enough.

A month of unemployed depression for me now, thinking I need a change from the cooking industry. Ended up working at a London drugs selling Tech, first time ever working retail. Figured it would help with some social anxiety. It started okay, full time hours at first but after Christmas time it went down and down, and I think that was where my depression was at its worst. Rent was not getting paid, asking family for money again and again. Anything deemed expensive was sold for rent, my gaming pc and the whole setup, a brand new switch 2, you name it, gone. But we had our puppy dog at least :) worth losing everything for that guy.

I did the job well enough that they wanted me to go management after only 8 months of being there. I declined, applied for a full time job at a humble little pizza shop (voted best in the city) and ive been there over 3 months now, absolutely love it. Im smart with my money now, bills are getting paid. Not too much disposable income but im happy. My older cousin paid off my credit card debt for me with a loan which is another huge weight off. Easiest cooking job ive ever had, most money ive made cooking as well.

My wife went through another round of therapy which was free paid by the city if you are okay with a long wait list. After finally looking for work she still has only had a single interview in 8 months of applying. My job is about to open a second location and I am hopefully going to get her working there as a FOH member as its in a better area of the city for her. Things are getting better.

Part of me is extremely worried if she relapses again after she starts working. Not to say that I want to end my relationship but... I am not sure if I can keep on if that were to happen. I am so mentally and physically drained, ive been a shoulder to cry on for so long, my heart is just... empty feeling.. im hoping this passes. It is hard to get up and go to work every single day and watch her stay home and smoke weed and watch TV, she does alot though and cares for our dog alot better than I ever could. She walks him every morning after I leave for work, does alot of the menial household stuff while the kitchen is mostly my area, as I am also the main cook of the house which is draining in itself.

She weirdly mentioned "if we ever get divorced im taking the dog and you can keep everything else". She has had nightmares of me leaving in the past...

Tl;dr my wife has been unemployed for almost 2 years due to depression caused by job closing down, health issues and past trauma, ive been paying for absolutely everything even on a minimum wage part time job and im worried that my feelings are going to turn to resentment if she can't keep a job still.

My boyfriend (24M) and I (25F) have been together for 3 years. He has never given me any reason to mistrust him and has only ever treated me well our entire relationship. We have a good and active sex life. There was no signs at all to make me think something was wrong.

A few weeks ago, I picked up his phone to check the time and saw some Instagram notifications from an account I didn’t recognise. Confused, I clicked into the notifications. I found a fake account which he had been using to dm literally thousands of girls, asking for nude pictures over the past few months. From the looks of it, he messaged anyone and everyone, as long as they were female. The sheer volume of messages is not right. It seems compulsive. Some of them responded and sent them and he sent some back. Some of them spoke for a few weeks. He sent them pictures of his face, and gave them real details of his life. Comparing the time stamps on the messages, he would message me and then them within minutes of each other.

I confronted him about it and he immediately denied it at first. Later when we spoke, he admitted that he has been addicted to porn for our entire relationship on and off. He recently started watching it again and it quickly spiralled into him messaging girls once the porn wasn’t enough. He swears it had nothing to do with me, that he simply couldn’t control it. I’m struggling to see how he could do something like that if he truly loved me like he said he does.

He said he had set a cut off, and if it happened again he was going to tell me, but I really struggle to believe this. He didn’t meet up with anyone in person, but he was purposely targeting people who were visiting his city, which makes me think it would have gotten to that point soon if I hadn’t have found the account…

He has reached out to a therapist and swears that he is committed to taking the steps to get better, he still wants a future with us. I just don’t know how I will ever trust him again, there were zero signs and I found the account by a fluke… is it possible to come back from this? He is adamant that he is going to do everything he can to fix it, that he still loves me and he hates himself for what he’s done.

Is this something he will continue to suffer with for the rest of his life or is it possible to recover? Please help me…

TL;DR: my boyfriend has been struggling with porn addiction and didn’t tell me. These urges escalated into making fake Instagram and messaging countless girls asking for nude photos and sending nude photos. Since I found out, he’s gone to therapy and swears he’s going to take the steps to change but I don’t know if there is a way back from this or if recovery is possible.

So, for some backstory here, my boyfriend and I met in January of 2025. We were in a situationship for a couple of months before I told him I was sick of that and we ended up together. We ended up breaking up in November because I was having serious mental health issues at the same time as a massive negative event in his life and it was just overwhelming. While we were apart, I moved away to another state. We kept in touch, and were friends, until April of this year, when he reached back out to me more seriously and told me he thought he had made a mistake and wanted to try again long distance. I live about five hours away from him right now.

Okay, now, there was a girl that I was introduced to by my bf, an ex of his former college roommate. They were friends and I thought maybe she and I could be too. We will call her Iris. Iris was initially very sweet to me and I started to think she and I could be good friends. However, she soon started saying things to me like “you shouldn’t bother with ‘bf’, it’s not going to work out anyway” or “well, I’m more loyal to you than I am to him, so I have your back”. It gave me very bad vibes and I stopped really engaging with her. She began to get very touchy with my bf while we were together, and he reciprocated within polite boundaries (returning a hug before backing away) because he was trying to be friendly with her. Overall, she always made me very uncomfortable because it was clear to me that she was after him.

When he and I broke up in November, I moved away a month later. He ended up starting a situationship with Iris. He admitted to me on the phone, drunk, while with her, that he was only doing it because he was lonely and didn’t want to be by himself. He called her unsupportive and annoying, and I encouraged him to end things with her, not for my sake but for his, because she was genuinely making him miserable. After a few months of her telling him she “just couldn’t” make things official, he found out she was sleeping with and dating two other men the whole time. Including going out on Valentine’s Day with someone an hour after their Valentine’s Day date. He, of course, ended their romantic involvements.

About a month ago, Iris reached out and contacted me to tell me that she went over to my bf’s place about a week prior and they slept together. At the time she told me this happened, he and I were on the phone. I know this did not happen. She did go to see him, but it was brief and things were kept civil. I told her for the first time exactly what I thought of her and essentially told her to f\*ck off. She became very pissed and posted a note on Instagram that read “choosing second best is some crazy shit” and posted a story to the song ‘taste’ by Sabrina carpenter. I blocked her on Instagram and all other platforms.

For a long while, I hated this woman so much I quite literally wanted to destroy her life as much as possible. I considered signing her up for the military, no joke, then realized how stupid that was. I spent so much effort hating and being angry with her. But now it’s gotten to the point where I just never want to see her, or hear her name again.

My issue is here: my boyfriend is still trying to be friendly with her. I don’t honestly know why. I’m certain they aren’t sleeping together. I’m certain they have not since we’ve been together again. That is not where my question lies. My question is this: would it be out of bounds for me to tell him contact with her is a dealbreaker? I don’t want to be controlling about his friends or who he gets to talk to, but I want this woman out of my life forever.

TL;DR This woman has been trying to sabotage my relationship from the beginning and I want her gone. Is it controlling for me to ask my boyfriend to stop talking to her for good?

I 32 (m) know how this is going to sound but I’m seeking advice because genuinely I’m drained. My 35(f) wife constantly cries, it can be other small things, big things, but she cries quite a bit.

At first I sort of dealt with it and comforted her. But there was a period of time when I was extremely depressed, we were in a low point in our life basically starting from scratch. I had to work a labour intensive job just to get us by and she refused to work, lounged at home, didn’t even ask how I was, when I said I was low she just complained about a lack of sex, to which I had to apologise for being depressed and exhausted, and I noticed she was not there for me: in fact I noticed it was a pattern.

Every time I’ve needed to lean on her or get support. It’s just not there. I can’t discuss feelings, because the moment I do I get shut down (even when I ask if she has the emotional bandwidth for me to discuss) and / or she will say things like “we are enmeshed” “I’m not responsible for your emotions” “I need x amount of space now”, “ [defense mode] now I need more space”, questions my masculinity, etc. So generally I don’t share my feelings or where I’m at anymore. It is the opposite for her, she says she feels so supported and hence why every day she will offload, and cry and I comfort her. But I have started feeling quite resentful and just drained.

Theres never a day without it. It will range from deep crying about rehashing conversations with strangers, it could be jealousy surrounding someone, watching a tik tok and crying if someone has something or does something that she would like to do, crying about self image to trauma, it can be anything really. But I have to help her regulate quite often, nearly daily and reassure her.

It can go as far as her asking me something about me, or what I like and within minutes I’m comforting her and she’s crying, and confused as to how we have got there. It came to a point, I had to say please don’t ask me something just as a gateway to speak about you, because it feels like my answer doesn’t matter, sometimes I can’t even get an answer out because she’ll start crying. It could be like “do you like playing tennis” “I-“ “I wish I could [crying]”. And I get theres times it’s the overthinking or she gets an obsessive thought she cannot shake and then that leads to crying. But theres also the element of her being quite snappy as well, saying and doing things that I would never be able to speak to her in that manner.

It can be hard when I’m going through something and I’m having to comfort someone over and over and over, with no days break. I feel like a bit bad for it starting to get to me tbh. Like I know she needs a safe place I just feel drained and I don’t quite know how to deal with it, as I don’t want her to feel like she has no safe place and I understand some people are just criers.

Tl:dr wife cries every day and I’m feeling a bit drained. Seeking advice on how to handle it.

I’m a 32-year-old man, and five months ago I started a relationship with my 34-year-old girlfriend. We’ve been living together for the past three months.
During the first month, we both seemed very sexually attracted to each other. There was that spark that makes you want to be together and that strong desire.
Around the time I moved into her place, she fell into depression because of work and family problems. Her sex drive practically disappeared after our first month together. She started seeing a therapist, and things are getting better. The biggest issues at work and with her family have been resolved, but her sexual desire toward me is still extremely low.
Because of everything she has told me about her previous relationships—far too many details, in hindsight—I’m starting to think that at first the problem really was her depression, but now the real issue is simply that she isn’t attracted to me.
I truly believe there is genuine love on both sides, but I also believe that the physical attraction exists only on my side. I’m starting to think that, now that she’s 34 and has already had plenty of experiences with other partners, she’s simply looking for a stable partner to build a family with, someone who won’t make too many demands, and that she has decided sex just isn’t that important to her anymore.
We have sex three or four times a week, and we both reach orgasm, but for me the sex is terrible—so much so that I’m starting to enjoy masturbating more than having sex with her.
We only have vaginal sex because, unlike with previous partners, she doesn’t want to have anal sex with me. About 99% of the time, we only have sex in the missionary position. Almost every time I suggest something different, she says, “No, I want you on top of me like this.”
Oral sex is almost always something I do for her. When she gives me oral sex, it’s only because I ask for it, never spontaneously, and it only lasts a couple of minutes.
When we’re lying in bed naked, I kiss her and I feel physically attracted to her. She doesn’t seem to feel the same. I honestly think she could kiss me naked for months without ever wanting sex.
Sex never starts naturally or spontaneously—it feels scheduled. We go to bed, and I have to follow the exact same sequence every single time: kissing, touching her body, kissing her body, oral sex on her, then penetration. I describe it this way because she literally tells me, “Okay, now do this, now do that.” Instead of enjoying our sexuality, I feel like I’m following an instruction manual.
I’ve talked to her about all of this, and she told me that I’m jealous of her past, that things were different back then because she had fewer problems, and that now she’s nervous, stressed, and depressed. She also says that me feeling physically undesired is all in my head because she reaches orgasm, and that means she likes me.
I’d believe that if it weren’t for the fact that our house is full of her sex toys that we never use, whereas she apparently had no problem using them with previous partners. The same goes for anal sex, oral sex, and the spontaneity she used to have when it came to wanting sex, at least according to the stories she’s told me.
I’m happy that we both orgasm, but what I’m missing is that magnetism, that passion, that desire that makes sex feel exciting and beautiful. Because of this, I’m increasingly convinced that the problem is me rather than stress, and I’m starting to lose confidence in myself and in my masculinity. I’ve started to dislike myself and to feel inadequate.
After our last discussion, she told me that sex with me makes her feel pressured because I desire her while she has no desire herself, so she feels forced. She said I need to stop always wanting sex because that actually kills whatever natural desire she might have. She feels like she has to “earn” my affection through sex.
That hurt me deeply because, to me, sexually desiring my partner is something natural and beautiful. It’s a positive feeling. Yet she describes me as someone who is obsessed with sex simply because, after spending a wonderful day together, I lie down in bed next to her and naturally desire her.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’m going to try not to turn every romantic moment, every cuddle in bed, into a sexual advance. But what am I supposed to do if I’m genuinely sexually attracted to my partner?
The reason I keep trying to initiate sex is also because, for the past four months, I haven’t felt that kind of intimacy. For four months I haven’t felt that spark from her. After four months like this, I admit that sex has become almost a physical and emotional need for me.
When she rejects my advances, I feel rejected as a man. I pull away, I no longer want cuddles or affection because I feel diminished. I feel like I can’t even attract my own partner anymore, and that makes me withdraw into myself.
Even when we do have sex, I still end up frustrated because we can’t really explore or experiment together. It feels like I simply don’t excite her in that way. At this point, I honestly feel like I get more pleasure from masturbating than from having sex with her.

TL;DR

My questions are:
Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you get through it?
How did you rekindle your partner’s desire for you?
How did you deal with comparing yourself to your partner’s past and accept the feeling that you simply don’t excite them in the same way?
Do you have any other advice? I’m genuinely open to anything. I really hope that reducing my sexual advances and focusing more on intimacy will help, because I can’t keep living feeling like only half a man.

My(F19) Boyfriend(M19)only makes moves when I am upset at him what can i do?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for around 5 years, we are long distance and recently started seeing each other in person last year around june, over the phone we were both very sexual people and it became a very large part of our relationship.

When we first met up i stayed with him for a month month and probably only have had sex 4 times in that month, two of the times being when i was upset at him and he made a move, i would go to sleep in a separate bed and wake up to him in the bed making a move on me(something we both consented to before hand) But he never ever makes moves and that was one of the only times he did that month, the same thing happened again the next time i saw him for a week in october, we fought alot that week and it was the most sexually active he's ever been in person.

Cut to this summer. i'm staying with him again, we have probably have had sex once, in two months, he does not make moves, he does not kiss me affectionately, he isn't grabby and when he is it's strictly as a joke, I like to dress provocative around him at night and he still never makes a move, i am always the one initiating intercourse and 90 percent of the time it does not happen.
Also when we used a toy on the both of us at the same time one night he only got loud when i became overstimulated and started crying out and moving away from it, he practically "finished" in seconds after we had been going at it for around 20-30 minutes before that..
A couple days ago we had an argument in the car, and he pulled me into his lap and made out with me, using his tongue, something i've been begging him to do for literally TWO YEARS, he refuses to use tongue while making out because the feeling freaks him out but as soon as we argue he's eager to do it, i don't understand it, i've gotten ontop of him and licked and kissed his neck and he will awkwardly laugh, i'm genuinely beginning to think he just isn't attracted to me but i need an outside perspective!! please help

TL:DR my boyfriend is extremely sexual but only when i am upset at him and we have an extreme lack of sex in our relationship of 5 years

I'm an 18-year-old guy, and a little over six months ago my first relationship ended because I was cheated on. The relationship itself only lasted around two months, which makes me feel even more confused about why I'm still struggling so much. Sometimes I even tell myself that I should have moved on by now because it wasn't a long relationship, but my mind just doesn't seem to work that way.

Before this relationship, I had never dated anyone. I genuinely believed in loyalty, honesty, and putting effort into someone you care about. I wasn't looking for anything casual—I really wanted something meaningful. When I finally got into my first relationship, I was incredibly happy. I thought I had found someone who cared about me the same way I cared about her.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

Finding out that I had been cheated on completely shattered my trust. It wasn't just about losing the relationship—it felt like losing the version of myself that believed love was supposed to feel safe. Since then, I've been overthinking almost everything. I keep replaying old conversations in my head, wondering if I missed signs or if I wasn't good enough. Deep down I know cheating is a choice the other person made, but my brain still keeps asking, "What did I do wrong?"

The hardest part is that I don't feel like myself anymore. Some days are okay, but other days the memories hit me out of nowhere. I see couples together, hear certain songs, or remember random moments, and everything comes back. I've tried distracting myself with studies, hobbies, working on myself, and staying busy, but the thoughts still find their way back.

I've also noticed that trusting people has become much harder. Even when someone is kind to me, a part of me immediately expects them to leave or betray me. I hate feeling this way because I know not everyone is the same, but I can't seem to switch those thoughts off.

What confuses me the most is why I'm still hurting after all this time, especially since the relationship itself was so short. Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced something similar with their first relationship? If you did, how long did it take you to genuinely feel okay again?

I'm not looking for people to tell me to "just move on" because if it were that easy, I would've done it already. I just want to know if what I'm feeling is normal and if anyone has any advice that genuinely helped them heal.

Thank you for reading. Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot.

TL;DR: 18M. My first relationship lasted only 2 months and I got cheated on. It's been over 6 months, but I'm still struggling mentally, overthinking everything, and finding it hard to trust people again. Looking for advice from people who've been through something similar.

TL;DR My partner makes TikTok’s at me instead of having conversations with me

My partner is avoidant and has a fear of intimacy they’ll seldom text me but will frequently “communicate” with me through post on social media ???

They’d quote something on twitter refraining to a conversation we had or make TikTok’s with song I like or about topics that had to do with us. Sometimes these posts will be extremely romantic, I actually find it kind of beautiful but I never know how to interact with them or what to do when I see them in person and they get frustrated if I dont respond or interact with these post but I’d text them multiple times on the matter and get no response.

Sometimes these matters are extremely heavy sometimes it’s something trivial but indirect communication just isn’t enough you know ? She’s perfectly fine communicating like this but it scares me and the relationship feels halted

It’s just a constant cycle of 1-3 great weeks/No contact for a bit/Social media posts at me then repeat.

I know they love me and I love them but how am I supposed to communicate with this person and sustain a relationship like this ?

I know they aren’t like cheating on me or anything like that, they’re just nervous or anxiously attached.

When we hangout it’s extremely beautiful and fun but she doesn’t communicate clearly on small things and it’s weird

TLDR: I've been offered a scholarship to Harvard, putting my 3.5 year relationship at risk - is this a mistake/horrible thing to do.

I live in the UK, and have been with my gf (F22) for 3.5 years. We are incredibly in love and are both planning to be together for the rest of our lives.

I (M22) was offered a scholarship to study at Harvard for a year. I'm currently in a pretty dead-end job which I don't like. This is obviously a really exciting opportunity, both professionally, and personally - I've never lived abroad and I love studying. I also basically get paid to be there - otherwise I could never afford it. So in short, I want to go.

I'm open to an LDR - I'd only be gone for 9-10 months, I come back for a month in the middle of that, and I'm happy to pay for visits for her and me.

She is very pessimistic about an LDR. Many of our friends have recently tried and failed at it, she thinks we will break up during it, and basically thinks I'm risking our relationship. From her perspective, its very hurtful to her, as she says she would never move away and risk us being together for something like this. She says we're clearly in different places about how we're approaching life and our relationship at the moment i.e. her planning us being together more, and me not thinking about it as much.

I really understand her side of it - there's a couple of ways in which I could have handled the whole thing better e.g. listening to her more before making my decision etc.

I now am having major doubts about going - she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I can't imagine life without her. But if I don't go I worry about the regret I may feel. And I do still fully plan for us to stay together, throughout the period.

Basically I'd like to hear others' thoughts on this, as I feel like I'm doing a really fucked up thing by tearing myself out of her life for the next 9 months, and I worry I'm really going to regret it.

Thanks. 

I (18M) have been with my girlfriend (17F) for 6 months officially, but we used to date kind of for 2-3 months before we got together. In September last Lear I told her I like her and she told me she wanted to figure out a relationship with me because she wasn’t sure how she felt. I have always been confident in my choice of dating for a serious relationship and I liked her for a year before I told her. I’ve always wanted a true love connection and I have always stayed away from hookup culture in all its forms. When I told her we didn’t become girlfriend and boyfriend as she was still figuring out how she felt. In this time I had been completely exclusive towards her and I think it was part of our relationship discussions that we would be exclusive while not exactly together. However at a point a guy (17 M) from school started flirting with her and she didn’t really shut him out. The more time went by it became more of a “me vs him” even though we had agreed to us. We had also been very good friends before I told her I like her and this guy just arrived in high school as he is a grade under us so she hadn’t known him for long. It’s important to know that the feelings of wanting to please me with the right answer for her, me pressuring her (although not on purpose as I wanted to spend time with her) as long as much school stuff was making her stressed out a lot. At a party she then went in without me as we weren’t invited or allowed in but she snuck in and was with him dancing and everything acting like his girl. Then we went away to another “party” we held for ourselves and there we talked about what happened and she said she like me then and maybe apologized, but it wasn’t a full on thing. We just lied there afterwards.

She was at school and the guy found out she was kind of with another guy (me) and he was saddened and making him sad made her feel guilty. Which made me mad because I’m sorry but how was I not the priority? Anyway school was getting her more and more worked up and she ended it with me. Due to how I seemed to be over her, and I was not good at dealing with my feelings so I told her to not be so weird about us and then to give me space and then to not be so weird about us again. When I told her I wanted space I was putting on a mask for a while making it seem I was completely fine with it all, but I wasn’t. She then wanted to figure out what she felt and her friend encouraged her to join the other guy for winterbathing and she did. They winterbathed and then went to his place as lived right near it, and I think they watched a movie. I think they kissed but not more than that and she fell asleep (we had never slept together at this point, which hurt me even more) until she woke up at 4-5 am and decided she’d made a mistake. She said to herself she wanted to tell me she likes me actually. And this time really meant it. And not long after we talked and she told me everything that had happened and did apologize for it. Then we got together and a month later became official (now 6 months ago). She still held contact with him for a bit after we got together again which hurt me again. She wouldn’t “make him think it meant anything” but it did mean something. To me. She has now removed him on socials because I asked her to. I want to say we love eachother very very much. I love her so so much. But I can’t fully get over this thing. She was the one who hurt me but I blame the guy. I see him as an enemy and he scares me. Or seeing him makes me nervous, stop talking, walking etc when I see him in the halls. He makes me wonder what he has that I don’t, in which ways he’s better than me etc. And at the same time I sort of hate him. However none of it was his fault really. He did what he thought was best for him and did leave with a bit of a sucky rejection too. However I cannot blame my girlfriend for it in my mind. Or I donmr want to. But yet I do. And I resent her for it partly. I still have days where I feel like I hate her. I know I love her deeply like no one else. But this just makes me sad and angry at her. It makes me want to forget all about love. I feel I got an enemy, and a life where I had to fear things I don’t want to, and it wasn’t even consequences of my own actions. I had never done anything to this guy yet he frightens me and makes me feel small. And she was responsible for it not him, not me. I know that asking someone out isn’t an unstressful thing to put on another person, but I deserved a rejection at worst. What I got was a feeling of being cheated on. She didn’t technically cheat on me but it felt that way. And I’m still haunted by it. And due to my maybe childish personality I sometimes feel like I need to hurt her back. She told me she was happy she had tried kissing other people before me and that makes me sad and jealous. Sometimes (I don’t do it often, but a part in the back of my head wants me to do stuff that makes her jealous) I do stuff that I know she could have a problem with. I don’t cheat, but I did post a picture with another girl on instagram as the first post of girl I have ever had. It wasn’t “I’ll be horrible to my girlfriend” but it was more that I knew it could hurt her, and that was a bit satisfactory. And I fantasize a bit about cheating, “having fun” even though we’re together. And some of it is because I want to even the score, but some of it is also jealousy that she has had a “past” and I haven’t. Like I’ve saved myself for her, I’m trying to be the very best for her, and she just hasn’t in the same way. I wish I could just think I was better than the other guy, or feel better than him because I got the girl. But that’s not who I am. I just don’t want to be compared to him. I really don’t want to hate him either, that’s not my way of life. I really deeply want to love everyone on this earth, I’m very inspired by Buddhism, and also the way I think in terms of my girlfriend is not something I can feel proud of either, but I don’t know how to deal with this stuff any other way. I know it’s not that much to be so devastated over but I just feel like I could never have treated her the way she did me, and even though we love each other and most of the time I just want to embrace her heart and soul fully and be with her forever, there is also the part that is still hurting and feels like she is dirty (idk if it makes sense. But at these times being with her physically makes me sick, and I want to be avoidant and ignoring toward her, as if she was dirty and I don’t want to touch her). We have talked about this many times but I still hurt. I know I’m sensitive but I can’t control what I feel and I just wish that I could connect my thoughts, philosophy and such to my emotions so I could actually let go of it all, but I am just not that mature yet. What should I do? How much of this is purely a me problem that I have to deal with myself? All of it? She is getting tired of the discussions on this topic but even though each discussion leaves me feeling good and secure these feelings don’t last until next month where I feel the need to talk about it again, and it’s also unfair to her to keep it hanging over her, I just don’t know how to remove from hanging over my head. Should I talk with her about this again? Is there something we can resolve together or is it on me? And what should I really do?

TL;DR I felt like my girlfriend cheated on me and I need to know how I can forgive her so I can remain in the relationship I truly want, without punishing her or myself.

I might seem like a bad guy but I really try to be a good person. Please ask any questions if it will help. And please keep a nice

So this is a bit of a long story but I need advice. I first met Jana maybe close to two years ago. Initially we had a rocky start but over time she became someone I could confide in which was significant because none of my friendships had been very far past surface level but it felt like needed someone I could depend on. As someone who had been battling with depression alone for years and only finding a therapist once I moved out it was nice having someone to talk to especially because we had the same religious background and many of our hangouts included going to church, praying and the works. I often told Jana how I was feeling and what I wanted to do (I use to sh). She was someone I could lean on and I met her when I was stepping deeper into my faith so it felt like a sign. However, while I couldn’t see it at the time Jana quickly became the center of my social life. Jana liked calling frequently and texting if we weren’t calling. We ended up hanging out a lot and in the same way she was there for me I was there for her. What I was starting to learn however was Jana had a friend she would always stay with before me several days out of the week and they had fallen off bc it became too much for the friend. Insert me around this time. Now here and there I had noticed little things that kind of put me off. Jana would get really upset with me for little things. One time I hung up after warning her I would if she kept taunting me. She ignored me for the rest of winter break before eventually telling me she was just joking. I had never been this close to anyone before and as time passed we were practically inseparable. Eventually we started dating but we were moving fast. I learned that Jana had ADHD and BPD and she was still navigating the two however it started to become clear it was at my expense. Often we would have disagreements that would lead to her yelling and throwing things(not necessarily at me). I remember around her birthday time she had became really stressed out about having a gathering with her friends and I encouraged her to do so. Her birthday happened to be finals week so the weekend before, instead of studying I stayed over at her place stayed up all night making treats and helping her plan, but unfortunately things weren’t going exactly as she had planned it so she got upset. She was angry that nothing was working out so she started yelling and hitting things and she threw a bracelet I had gifted her a week before twice at the wall until it broke before she started crying. I have never done well with anger so it was hard for me to be there. Often I freeze when things like this happened but she had got mad at me several times before for not soothing her more during these times so still I tried to offer a hand. Later she explained to me how she was upset and disappointed with me bc when I encouraged her to have the party she thought that meant I was going to plan and do everything and I didn’t and she was upset she had that expectation of me that I couldn’t fulfill. Being with her genuinely made me feel so bad I remember instances where I would just feel dread being around her she didn’t respect many of my boundaries and I remember saying no to a physical boundary and having her cry and whisper yell abt how selfish I was being and how it wasn’t fair I felt like panicking and uncomfortable but like I couldn’t even say anything. I didn’t feel emotionally safe in our relationship. She did apologize that night for acting the way she did. I remember one week I got a migraine so bad and for the entire week she skipped school(despite my protest for her to go to class) and took care of me. I felt good but by the end of the week she told me how I really disrupted her schedule and now she felt behind and unproductive and how as someone with adhd she needed routine. I could go on and on but eventually I told her I wanted to break up. She denies this and told me to let her come home to having a gf and then we could talk about it.(she has been out of state for a few weeks… I broke up with her on her way back) I agreed. Eventually the end of the week came and I still wanted to end things. She was reluctant but told me that since I got to decide that we weren’t dating she got to decide when we would stop being physical bc she was still getting over me and it wasn’t fair that I got to make all of the decisions. I agreed(Ik ik it was my first relationship and she wore me out to no end I didn’t have a good track record with boundaries or my own autonomy) for months we were in a weird situationship and everytime I wanted to stop she’d tell me I was being unfair and that I always made the decisions and eventually I’d give in. We spent a lot of time arguing and I felt really trapped. Moving into this year things have changed a lot. Might I add that as she has grown a lot after our break up she was really trying to get better in therapy she no longer threw things she kind of tried to respect boundaries she definitely wasn’t good at it but we often talked more. She was more willing to apologize and see where she went wrong. I will also mention I wasn’t the best often I shut down and didn’t always communicate. By 2026 we had been on the ropes I didn’t know if I wanted to be friends I should also mention that she didn’t want me talking to any of my friends about us or our relationship and I felt more alone and like I only had her. I stopped pouring into my other relationships and the reason it had been so hard to leave Jana was bc it felt like no one would ever get me like she did. Jana used to spend a lot of money on me and I knew she thought I was pretty and I knew that while not perfect she loved me all were more than I could ask for from ppl who had hurt me in the past. I knew she was trying but maybe two months into our relationship I could no longer even talk to Jana abt my problems she was half of them and also everything turned into being abt her or I just didn’t feel comfortable enough to confide in her. At some point over the course of a year I no longer wanted to her abt her. I was tired. Whenever I would bring something up about our relationship and how it’s affected me she would talk abt how she was a bad person and how she so deeply regrets all that she has put me through and how she wouldn’t blame me for leaving like everyone else. And then the pattern continued I’d tell her how I was hurt she’d be the one in tears and comforted, however since the start of 2026 things have changed she started getting worse. I started feeling more emotionally detached and absent and she became more aggressive. One night after a disagreement at a party I told her I was leaving and after arguing outside when I had turned to leave she picked me up and started walking me to her apt. I told her to let me go and put me down and she didn’t listen to me eventually I stopped trying to not hurt her and pushed her off of me but she followed me telling me how if we could just go back to her apt she could make things better. She told me she felt like I didn’t love her I told her I didn’t care and left. We didn’t talk for a while after that but she felt like all I had. After that it was a lot of little things grabbing me here and there shutting the door so I couldn’t leave nothing as big as that but little things. Now whenever I talk abt a break or changing our relationship she tells and hits things and cries and I feel really uncomfortable and detached. She thinks my lack of doing anything shows that I don’t care abt her but I feel so numb and turned off to everything. I even feel like she’s been self harming more to get a reaction out of me but I’m so tired I can’t even be a help line for her. Lately we have a disagreement and she’s talking me she bought razors or going to get them in front of me there’s so much more but idk what to do we are moving in together next month (ik I didn’t foresee this and I’m really only learning to have boundaries spare me please) I feel less and less like we can be friends which is what I have wanted for nearly a year now. I do value Jana as a friend and she has done a lot for me I just don’t know if I can keep doing this and everytime I talk to a therapist I am not getting g solid advice it’s like they leave things in a grey area so I’ve only had my gut and Jana for advice which is not the best…

TLDR: friendship/ situationship may be toxic but idk what to do or if I’m being a bad friend

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend of two years is wonderful and supported me through my lowest points, but we've had a low-intimacy mismatch since month two. Recently, I developed intense, unfamiliar romantic feelings for a girl I met. Now I'm torn between my secure relationship and a spark I haven't felt in forever.

Hey everyone. I (F) am feeling completely stuck and need some outside perspective.
**The Boyfriend:** We live together in a studio and are generally very happy. He’s kind, sweet, and helped me through dark times—I love him deeply. However, his interest in intimacy has been very low since the first two months. I’ve managed it, but it's always been a quiet gap in our relationship.

**The New Crush:** Recently, I met a shy girl who laughed at all my jokes and seemed flustered around me. Over time, I’ve caught myself constantly looking forward to seeing her, and it’s turned into real romantic feelings. The catch? She’s gotten more confident in group settings, and honestly, nobody even knows if she's into women.

**The Conflict:** My boyfriend and I recently had *another* talk about our intimacy issues. Because my heart is elsewhere, it hit differently. We have great communication and could talk about this, but I feel like I'm waking up to feelings I've missed out on for years. I don't want to hurt anyone or blow up a good life over a crush.

**My questions for you:**
Do I talk to my boyfriend about these feelings, or wait to see if the crush fades?

Do I say anything to the girl, especially when her orientation is a total mystery?

Is bringing up polyamory/an open relationship a terrible idea given our existing intimacy gap?

Has anyone been in a similar spot? How did you handle it?

**tl;Dr;** I and my girlfriend got into a bit of a conversation last night and it was about some traumas I've been through. She always tries to fix things by trying to make me smile, by telling me jokes and trying to avoid my feelings. When I tell her people told me mean stuff, she tries to make jokes. When I tell her how people have been talking down on me, she always asks me to stop crying and she tries to flood me with compliments. Last night I told her how I feel and how I want to be treated, I wrote this:

„When I feel bad, instead of you trying to cheer me up, I much rather want you to let me go through it, help me through the sadness, not steer me away. I just need a shoulder to cry on, to hug me and listen so I can speak my heart out. I just need you to be present with me and go down to my level when I am down, you know? I much rather want question than jokes, I much rather want you to tell me everything is going to be okay rather than to stop crying. I hope you understand“.

But that led to her to feel terrible and I spent the next 30 minutes comforting her. I had to comfort her about my feelings. I just don't know what to feel, we have known each other for 4 months now and it's scary because 3-6 months is usually the timezone couples break up, but I don't want to break up and I love her but this happens a few times I always try to talk about my feelings and it feels like she closes me off sometimes.

A bit of context; me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, and she has very strict Catholic parents so all we can do is chat through tiktok chats and it is hard, very hard. I know she can't help it. I am also her first boyfriend and she has told me that she doesn't know how to comfort people because she was never taught how to, and I try to be very understanding.

I just don't know what to do and how to feel because I don't think I should need to comfort her while I'm the one talking about my feelings. We communicate on many things and we've been through something worse than this, but I just you know the fire lowers when I have to comfort anyone about how I feel.

There is, ofcourse, much more to it I may be forgetting or is irrevelant to the story and there lies a bigger context, but I just need some advice if any of you have any. **

I matched with this girl on tinder a couple weeks ago. We immediately connected over music, video games, and I took her number and started texting her. She lives three hours away from me so we FaceTimed around five times and vibes were genuinely great. I could tell she really liked me and I really liked her.

She left me know on our first face time that she wasn’t looking for anything serious right now. That her mental health isn’t where it needs to be and she’s not ready to have a long term relationship. I told her I was looking for a long term relationship and I could put that aside and just enjoy her company for what it was, cause she seemed like a fun person.

We live three hours away from eachother, and she drove up on a Monday night to meet me for the first time, and we had an amazing time. I tried my best to make the night special, we had sex, and cuddled for hours. She told me she loves when I kiss her, that when we stare into each others eyes the dopamine is too much for her to handle. She made a lighthearted joke about how cute our kids would be, and even asked me if I’d ever move closer to her. Naturally, my brain starts thinking maybe she does want to be a little more serious with me.

The morning after we spend the day together, we go to a store and I buy her a cute coaster, I buy her dinner, and I give her a hoodie that smells like me before she drives home. She tells me it was absolutely worth the drive, and that she can’t wait to see me again. I would plan on seeing her the coming weekend.

During the time leading up, I text her and the responses are slightly drier. She leaves me on read for longer. So I start getting anxious that she might be seeing other people. I knew she wanted nothing serious, but with the way that first date went and the level of intimacy present, I figured maybe her perspective shifted.

The weekend approaches and I drive to see her. We’re hanging out and I get really anxious and tell her that the drive may not seem worth it if there isn’t some level of emotional investment. I tell her we don’t need anything serious but maybe exclusivity would be good, as I found out she was talking to another guy while talking to me, and going on dates with this other guy. She tells me she doesn’t know me well enough to grant me that. That she needs space cause she can’t enter into something that resembles a serious relationship for a long long time. I think throughout this convo I really was very emotionally vulnerable. She told me she was happy I thought it up, and that she appreciates me being honest with her. We proceed to have a great weekend, and at the end, she tells me to consider how I feel and tell her if I want to keep the casual relationship going. She tells me about trips we should go on together, what we’ll do the next time we see eachother, and we cuddle for a while before kissing and her saying she was going to miss me until we get to see eachother again.

I leave, feeling positive about the conversation. Over the next few days though, I realize how dumb it was for me to have this conversation, how my anxiety truly got the best of me. The conversation was wayyyyy too early to bring up, but it was bugging me and I just wanted some clarity on how she viewed us. The uncertainty really made me question what was truly going on. I wish I hadn’t brought it up at all honestly.

She’s stopped texting me. We talked briefly the day I left, then I sent her a text about an edm show coming up we should go to as that something we talked about, and then I sent her the following:

I want to let you know I thought about our convo and I feel like I def got ahead of myself. Was reading too far in between the lines, cause I really do like you. I really appreciate you being upfront and providing clarity with me, cause I ultimately was just wondering where your head was at. Id be more than happy to continue seeing each other as we have been, if you’re up for it too

Was this text bad?? She hasn’t responded for a couple days now. She did mention having a little space over the next couple weeks but I’m worried I fumbled this.

TLDR: I had a great casual relationship with a girl, my anxiety got the best of me and I feel like I pushed her away.

Edit: k would like to add that, during the convo we had, I told her that normally casual is totally fine with me, but I do like her and the level of intimacy she was showing was making me wonder if we could have something more serious. She told me she really liked me too, but she didn’t know me well enough for that

Sorry long post

My partner 27M and 29F been together 2 years

We have a year and half year old son and since becoming parents our relationship has slowly fallen apart. We seem to have the same conversation over and over again. I feel emotionally alone and like I just need compassion, reassurance and to feel understood when I'm struggling. He feels like I'm never happy, nothing is ever good enough, and he's exhausted by the constant conflict. He says he just wants me to be happy, while I feel like he hears my hurt as criticism instead of seeing the emotion underneath it. We both end up feeling unseen, misunderstood and eventually shut down, and then the cycle repeats.

A major issue for me is his c0ke use. I know when he has done it which instantly changes my mood and then this is where the cycle repeats of i am never happy, he hasn’t seen me happy for years, but it’s because this is affecting me but then my moods are affecting him so it’s a loop that has no where to go because they are contradicting each other essentially.

Recently while I was out for a few hours at night, he used it while our toddler was asleep in the house. He doesn't see why I think that's a serious issue because our son was asleep and he felt he was still aware, whereas I see it as completely different and something I can't accept as a parent.

He knows he has issues regarding it, and he has agreed to get counselling, but most of our conversations we are just constantly triggered, what the other is going to say, what mood I will be in will determine what he will say it’s like my nervous system braces what the default will be.

Both loyal, none of us have cheated or done anything like that, that is not one problem which is a good thing but just the constant head butting and going no where.

On top of that we've had months of stress with our son being unwell for a month, financial pressure and everything else life throws at you. I also know I have anxious attachment/codependent tendencies that I'm actively trying to work on, and I know I'm not perfect either.

When we usually try and talk it goes no where and one person shuts off and says I’m done with it all, then we are fine a day later. We still love each other but it’s the connection that’s gone and the natural flow of what an easy loving relationship should be like.

I wonder if we're just two exhausted people stuck in a destructive cycle, or whether we're simply too different now.

Has anyone been in a similar situation after having a baby? Did counselling or making changes actually help, especially where one partner felt emotionally neglected and the other felt constantly criticised? I'm looking for honest experiences from people who've been through something similar

long story sorry but pls help🙏 tldr. i’ve been with this guy for 2 months not together in a relationship but idk what kind of relationship this is tbh😭 before i say more just know he’s a very nice guy and he treats me really well and no he isn’t using me. the things we did together he will always ask for consent before proceeding.
(context)
i met him on november 2024 online and we texted a little bit. after a month we stopped texting and went on with our lives. but last year 2025 around march we started texting again but may 2025 he got a gf, i actually liked him last year so i was heartbroken after finding out. i ghosted him at around august 2025 because mentally i wasn’t doing well and he was also affecting it.

this year may again lol he reached out to me again and told me what happened. the girl he got with last year was super toxic and controlling. he lost a lot of friends and wasn’t allowed to go certain places or do anything. she cheated on him multiple times and was sleeping around with other guys. they broke up 1-2 weeks ago before he reached out to me. we constantly messaged back and forth after he reached out. we finally met up irl on the same month under my block and we kissed/made out. he asked and i gave consent.

after that day, we met up again on june and even had sex. after the first time we had sex i went back and forth with him a lot on what our relationship was because he said he wanted to be friends before we did anything. after i asked he said he wanted to be friends with benefits. i agreed at first but after a week i changed my mind because it felt weird to me. we stopped being fwb but kept meeting up to do stuff. after that, he’ll have issues regarding his ex and come to me for comfort and help and i’ll do my best to help him and it goes both ways. i was having a tough time with personal issues and he helped me and was always there for me.

i never brought the fwb stuff up again but since then we have gotten closer and more comfortable with each other. sex isn’t the most important thing for us now but we do it occasionally. we care about each other and are emotionally ready to comfort one another. now when we hang out irl, other than having sex😭 we would cuddle, joke around and baby each other. but he said before.. before i asked to stop the fwb title that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me and said that he is not looking to be in a relationship anytime soon. i always doubt him and joke around about him sleeping around and he always reassures me like we are dating. all my friends has told me that i might as well date him. but i haven’t brought it up to him because i feel like he’ll say the same thing which is he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me.

sorry for the long post, pls give me advice if possible🙏

Am I possibly blowing this out of proportion or would this be cause enough to end it?

I am a 26 year old transfemale who’s never really been in a long term relationship with anyone. I honestly have never been in a relationship where someone hasn’t just been using me as a kink, so this is new to me to have someone who appears to care about my mental. My partner is a 27 year old male, who has been through a few years of a toxic marriage and got divorced in 2023 (I think is when it finalized). We both have trauma from past relationships and what not, we’ve discussed the traumas, tried to talk of routes for addressing it for me but not him. Any time I try to bring up therapy for him it’s a hard no, and then he goes on a long rant about how he was doesn’t see the point of talking to one. We live together, and I feel safe around him, I don’t have to worry about my physical safety or anything, and he’s the provider in the relationship. We have different ways we show affection, I try to make sure he is fed and that the house isn’t a mess and he uses providence as his mode of showing affection, beyond that it’s the very rare kiss and even rarer cuddling. I’m much more physical, and softly try to initiate but he is never really receptive or even open to being receptive. It’s been almost 7.5 months now of living together, and the arguments over small things now are piling up, the inability for him to be incorrect about anything turns into explosive arguments that I have to physically distance myself from because I don’t deal with yelling well, and when I do he gets even more mad that I’m doing that instead of listening to him explain how he could be even slightly correct. I care about him a lot, he knows I do, we recently hosted hosted his mom and sister and they said he has expressed to them that he cares about me which made me feel awful for thinking about this. I just don’t want to jeopardize what could be a good relationship if we work through some of this, but he seems so reluctant to putting in effort to change. I also don’t want to hurt the friendship that’s at the core of this either but don’t know if staying as his partner is healthy for me.

Any advice would help, thank you for taking the time to read as well. ~C

TLDR: I’m considering breaking up with my boyfriend of 8 months due to differences in conflict resolution and lack of motivation from him to address his trauma/change in any way, but am afraid I may be overreacting.

i 16M have been in a long distance relationship my girlfriend, 16F for around 5 months now. everything has been great with her for as long as we've been dating; shes perfect, i literally have no issues with her whatsoever and i don't feel unfufilled with her in the slightest. we spend most of our days calling, playing games together or just hanging out, and it's never been better. i'm always happy around her, she always makes me smile, she always makes me laugh, we always get lovey-dovey with eachother, whenever something happens to me she's always the first person i think of telling, i'm always myself around her and i don't feel like i have to act a certain way around her, long story short i love her, and she loves me just as much.

however, prior to our relationship i've had feelings for another girl. for some context, i met this girl around 2 years ago. the day i met this girl i instantly became infatuated with her. her personality was unlike anyone i had ever met. i started developing what felt like a crush and almost an obsession for her. everything i did in the back of my mind i wanted her approval, i wanted her to notice me, the slighest bit of attention from her felt thrilling, i thought about her so much. she pretty much owned my mind without even realizing it. i never had a chance with this girl. she was and still is in a relationship. yet no matter how much i tried/wanted to i could never let go of my feelings for her.

fast forward around a year and a half later, i started talking to my now current girlfriend again and i fell back in love with her after we had previously broken up. the feelings i had for the other girl started to become overshadowed by my feelings for my current girlfriend. however a few months later i started talking and becoming closer with the other girl, and the feelings i had for her started to resurface and become even harder to deal with. a few months after that not much has changed, except the fact that
i'm starting to consider breaking up with my girlfriend.

TL;DR: i've been torn between my feelings with my girlfriend and the other girl. on one hand i want to stay with my girlfriend and try to push away the feelings i have for the other girl, but on the other i feel like i don't love my girlfriend enough, that my mind always goes back to the other girl and my girlfriend doesn't deserve to date someone who also has feelings for someone else, so i should break up with her. i feel like no matter the descision i make its a lose-lose for me. on one hand if i break up with my girlfriend i feel like i'd be losing genuine love for her, yet if i decide to stay with my girlfriend something tells me that i wont be able to push away these feelings, and that at the end of the day i still love the other girl more. (i don't know who i love more.) should i stay or should i end things?

I've noticed a pattern over the last few months that I can't quite shake off. My partner and I have been together for four years, we live together, things are generally good between us. But whenever he talks out loud about future plans, like where he pictures himself in five years, or what he wants his life to look like once he's further along in his career, he never actually includes me in the picture he describes. He'll talk about buying a house, traveling more, changing careers, all in a way that sounds like he's narrating his own solo future rather than something we're building together.

When I've brought it up lightly before, just saying something like oh are we doing that together? he says of course, that it's just how he talks, that he doesn't mean anything by leaving me out of the sentence. And logically I believe he's not doing it on purpose. But it's happened enough times now that it's started to genuinely bother me, and I don't know if I'm overanalyzing his phrasing or picking up on something real about how he actually sees our future.

I don't want to turn this into a bigger confrontation than it needs to be, but I also don't want to keep brushing it off if it's actually meaningful. How do I bring this up in a way that doesn't sound like I'm accusing him of something, while still being honest that it's been bothering me for a while now?

TL;DR: My partner (31M) of 4 years keeps talking about his future plans without including me (29F) in them verbally, even though he says he doesn't mean anything by it. I don't know if I'm overthinking his wording or if it's pointing to something real, and I want to bring it up without sounding insecure or starting an unnecessary fight.

I’m curious what other people think about my situation because I feel like I’m stuck between logic and emotion.
I (M27) - Indian if that matters, I turned 27 in January. I live in Texas. I have a little over $60k saved, and I’ve made around $80k over the past 10 months. My income is performance-based, so it’s not as stable as a typical salary, but I’ve been consistently earning at that level.
I recently moved out into an apartment that costs just under $1,600/month.
Growing up, my parents were extremely overprotective and controlling. I always had to ask permission to do things. Even into my mid-20s, there were restrictions on when I could leave the house or come home, just few months ago I couldn’t be out past midnight. It got to the point where moving out felt like the only way I’d ever have a normal adult life.
Recently, though, I finally put my foot down. Since then, they’ve actually backed off a lot. They’re much less controlling than they used to be.
The problem is that they still tell me I made a huge mistake by moving out. They keep saying I’ve ruined my life, that I’m throwing away my future financially, and that I should have stayed at home. Even though I have over $60k saved and my rent is under $1,600/month, hearing that over and over has really gotten into my head.
The confusing part is that even though things have objectively gotten better, I feel more angry than before.
Part of me feels guilty for moving out because I keep wondering, “What if they’re right? What if I actually ruined my life?” But another part of me remembers how overwhelming it felt before, and why I wanted my own place so badly.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Why would I feel more anger after the controlling behavior mostly stopped? Is this a normal reaction after growing up with helicopter parents, or is there something I’m missing?

TL;DR:
27M with solid savings and income moved out of controlling parents’ home to gain independence. Parents have eased up but constantly feeling I made a huge mistake, which is causing self-doubt and guilt. Despite improved circumstances, i feels more anger and confusion, wondering if this emotional response is normal after growing up with overprotective parents.

TLDR; my boyfriend will not check up on me when I get home safely, even if it’s late at night.

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 3 years. We recently got out of long distance, and a lot of issues have occurred from not being together in-person. We have a lot of gaps due to family background, in which my conservative Asian household is very hands on, and his White household is more chill and “do whatever you want”.

Our most recent argument was that I wanted him to check up on me whenever I was driving home in the middle of the night. We went to a concert together, and I ended up taking him and his friend home, and getting back at 1 AM. My parents were livid, and he was in the car when he heard them call me upset. He was encouraging and said he would support me, and even offered to Uber home himself. The moment I dropped him home, he said “Text me when you get back home. I’ll be asleep then though**.**” This had caused a major argument, as I wished he would be more concerned for my safety as he knew I was driving a beat down car and I’ve ran into safety issues with being cat called at night when I’m driving. We didn’t talk to each other for days.

I encouraged him to get the perspective of his friends, who (majority) then vindicated me and said I was being ridiculous. This transpired into him believing I was being ridiculous and it was pointless. He proceeded to argue, “if you had any issues, you can call me and I’ll wake up?” And began discussing the safety statistics of driving at night. I felt at a loss for words, especially since I tried arguing my case in which our relationship is between us and my opinion matters but he proceeded to weaponize his friends’ opinion against me. It was a moot point, and seeing how I expressed it was a non-negotiable, he said he will do it only for the sake of satisfying me, but doesn’t agree with me.

I feel like there are broader issues with our relationship and I’m not satisfied with the outcome. Am I asking for too much?

**TL;DR;** :My boyfriend blindsided and broke up with me because he's been struggling with his mental health since November. He never opened up until the day he ended it. He says he still loves me, but feels I don't deserve him, and that he needs to foucs on his personal healing. He wanted to stay in comms, but I said we shouldn't talk for at least a month. I now feel this is too long. Do I reach out first?

I need advice. My boyfriend and I broke up last Friday. I love that man with my whole being. I was always his number one fan, his biggest supporter. I put so much effort into the relationship

STORY:

He has been struggling with his mental health for the last 6 months but only opened up to me about it on Friday, the day we broke up. I could sense emotional distance from him and begged him to open up to me, but he remained closed. He says that the reason he never opened up to me, is because he felt that he had to seem “okay” and “perfect” (rooted in his childhood upbringing).

I can’t understand why this has happened, as he says I have never done anything wrong and that I “don’t deserve” him. But I said I wanted to be there through thick and thin because that’s what love and a relationship are about. But still, he’s left.

This breakup came seemingly out of the blue, although he said he’s been thinking about it for 4 months. He’d even bought my birthday present which is in a month’s time, and planned trips over the next few months too. I was going to spend the weekend with him, but he made a seemingly sudden decision on a random Friday to end it.

He said he still wanted to talk, and see me next weekend, which I said no to. Because that’s no different. I said at least a month apart. (I don’t know if he said that to make the break up easier for me?) Also, I was meant to get my stuff from his the day after, and he still asked if I could rather come next weekend to get it. I said no.

The minute I left, he went on a hike alone. He also went on a late night drive along the mountains, and sat at a lookout point. He has flown home to his parents too.

THE QUESTION:

I want to get back together with him. I told him that we can still make things work if he changes his mind and wants to try, and to reach out when he’s had time to reflect and gain clarity. I worry that a month no contact is too long, because I want him to want to try. I know he was the one who broke up with me, but I don’t know if I should reach out sooner, after 2.5/3 weeks instead of waiting a month (my birthday)? This silence is killing me, but I also feel that I should give him the space he asked for. I also want him to feel my absence in his life.  I don’t have closure yet.

Should I wait for him to reach out, or should I reach out before a month if he doesn’t? Or do I wait the full month, and reach out if he hasn’t? Or do I take the silence as the answer?

Can I resolve my defensiveness? Can I stop shutting down in conflict?

Since I’ve been a kid I’ve learnt to keep quiet to keep the peace not because my parents made me feel that way but because I just felt it was easier and not worth the hassle to argue.

Now what happens is when my girlfriend who carries a lot of emotional hurt from the past from both friends and family as well as past partners comes to me feeling like I don’t care or don’t love her I shut down. I think to myself why does she feel like this when I always try, she uses absolutes like always and never that I know she doesn’t mean but in the moment I go quiet or I try to defend/fix what has happened when all she really needs is to see that I want to dig deep and care.

Having never really done this though I struggle and now I need some help to grow so that I can be there for her. Because I really do love her no matter how much we argue.

**TL;DR;** : When ever we clash or argue and my GF longs for love and care I get defensive or shut down. I try to fix rather than dig and understand. I need to change this but how?

Tldr: Regardless of what I do or the amount effort I put in I'm just being asked for more despite feeling like I'm giving my all for my family. I need someone to be honest and tell me if I'm just full of myself and fucking up or if im reading this right.

This has been an ongoing thing so im just going to use the most recent examples to keep from ranting.

I (21m) have been together with my fiancé (22f) for a little over two years. This is my first real real relationship so I'm a bit lost to say the least. We have a 5 month old son who is the light of my life but things have been a bit rough. About a month before he was born i lost my job and as anyone who lost their job around that time will tell you the job market is rough, so while im trying to find a new job i joined a program to finish my ged and get into trade school so I at least have something. She is unemployed and has never had a job as her parents where on ssi so they got her on it.

Now that you have some background let's get into it though I'm still not sure where to start. We both donate plasma or at least if do her numbers are always off. This morning when we got up I went to make us breakfast but all we had was eggs which she won't eat when I asked her what I should grab to make and she said something we can't afford. So I said "Sorry lovey I don't think we can afford that, but I was thinking about maybe grabbing stuff for breakfast burritos or maybe a skillet or something." She immediately looked upset so I asked whats wrong and she started getting upset because she can't do eggs and how she really wanted the other thing. I admittedly a bit irritated but not angry or yelling said "well we can't afford that we're a bit broke so we'll have to make do with something cheaper." She was bummed (fair) but said alright. I went and got stuff for breakfast bowls/burritos and I figured since she wanted something a bit nicer I'd spruce it up a little. I got pork that I made into a maple pork, potatoes , a chilli pepper for a little spice, mushrooms, spinach, as well as tomato and onion (on the side to add) and some watermelon. She ate a few bites. Mind you these are all stuff she's said she loves and while not my go to they were pretty good and I was a little proud of myself because I never cook with spinach and I got it tender without being mush.

Fast forward we're having a good day ( I think at least) she goes to donate and gets turned away, and when she got back to the car she was upset. I tried to comfort her told her we can try something else next time, but instead she got more mad because I was my fault because I didn't make what she wanted and how I don't listen to her and how I should know she doesn't like breakfast burritos. (which she told me before she loves) And this is a constant thing anytime either I don't do exactly what she wants or something goes wrong so she can't get what she wants she picks a person to blame amd since im right there it's always me.

On top of that while I know being a mother is one of the toughest jobs but, I do my classes either first thing in the morning or if there's no time then late evenings. After my class I wake her and our son up make us breakfast, then by the time im finished cooking and cleaning it up they go down for a nap while I clean up the house. Then I usually have our son on my own until she wakes up. Then I'm typically off to go put in applications around 1-2, get home and she always has a few things for me to do typically going to get something which I'll walk or skate to, to save gas, then I get back make dinner, and then typically we watch a movie and she goes to sleep while I study and sometimes play my games. But if after all of that I either don't want to go to some gathering with her and her family who treats me like trash. She sits me down for a talk where she's sobbing and not feeling happy in our relationship and she feels unappreciated and like I don't do enough and eventually I give in.

Sometimes it feels like im being manipulated or taken advantage of, but she's far too sweet for that to be intentional. I mean her family also kept her super sheltered and borderline isolated from the rest of the world, so I don't think she understands what it means to use someone because it's normal in her family. But it still wears on me i mean I spent my first father's day drinking alone in a wingers because she had spent most of the money we had on toys and plushies (for her not our son) and didn't feel like going to a restaurant.

Please reddit let me know am I just full of it and need to check my ego? Or am I reading this right and if so what do I do?