I know it’s been said before, but I really think an important part of moving on after I break up is killing all hope. I mean absolutely obliterate it. It’s extremely difficult to move on otherwise. You’ll leave that door slightly open only to be hurt again.

(This post is for myself. I’m finding it super difficult to move on from my first love.)

it's crazy, 3 and a half years ago this sub helped me a lot when I was dumped by my ex totally out of the blue with no rationale or information, we spoke for a day or two after but then went full no contact, I've also been the same with every other major ex from my past.

anyway first thing I always do I start dating after a breakup, it's important to add a sense of motion to my life and move on, well it turned out to be the best decision as I recently got married to my wife who I met only about a month after thinking I had totally had my heart broken, my wife who is on a completely different level to those other women.

it's strange I dont miss any of the women from my past at all, but quite often wonder "wtf were they thinking", my wife and I basically have an amazing life with everything you would expect of a happy picturesque life it's almost reassuring that maybe my exes were the crazy ones afterall.

anyway if there's any advice I can give the healthiest thing I did was go complete no contact and resume dating ASAP, ex's are just that and it's scary how quickly they fade once you meet new people.

After 1,5 years together my ex broke up with me because we've discussed moving in and he got freaked out by how serious things would be. I accepted it and went no contact. He wrote me a couple of long texts post break up about how it was a very hard decision, how he knows I'll find a great man, how our 1,5 years together were the best of his life etc. Both in our 30s, it was his first serious relationship and I was the first girl he introduced to his family.

6 weeks of no contact were very hard for me, cried non stop for the first month, then slowly accepted the reality. Joined dating apps at 6 weeks mark and luckily met someone amazing from a first date after the break up. We clicked and he felt like a male version of me. So much fun and adventures. After 2 weeks with the new guy (we had 6 dates in 2 weeks), I went on a weekend trip abroad with him and posted on social media... Ex texted me right after he saw it. Saying he wants to talk and work things out, but he noticed I'm seeing someone new. I told the ex that I don't want it, that he broke my heart and new man is healing me, I'm happy.

Now it's been 5 months after the break up and 3 months with the new man. Things are going very well. BUT the ex is still pursuing me!! Showed up at my apartment, saying he made the biggest mistake of his life, wants me to move in and get engaged by the end of the year. I didn't believe him at first but looks like he's seriously regretting the break up.

I'm very torn as 3 months with new bf is still new, I've developed feelings, he makes me feel safe and loved. But of course still have feelings for the ex and that life path seems clear, I'd move in, we get engaged and start a family. New bf also has serious intentions, we spend nearly every day together. Ex also has a better career, while new bf is younger than ex and not earning as much. Finances isn't everything but I'm trying to picture my life with both and I can see it being more stable with ex.

Part of me doesn't know if I could ever trust ex again to not leave me again. He's saying all the right things, how he knows I'm his future wife and we'll have an amazing life together and he realised how important I am etc. Ex also went on a few dates and said that noone compares.

I told new bf that my ex is trying to reconcile as wanted to be honest, he was concerned but I've reassured that it's over. But deep down I'm still torn and just dont know who to choose... Don't want to break new bf's heart and things are so aligned with us. Yet persistent ex makes me feel he's really fighting for me.

Will the person who hurt me ever truly realize what they lost? Will they ever miss the love, care, loyalty, and attention I gave them? Even just once, will they feel guilty for the pain they caused me?

I've always noticed something that confuses me. People who cheat, lie, or betray their partners often seem to move on quickly. They find loving partners again, people adore them, and they appear happy. Meanwhile, the ones who stayed loyal, gave everything, and genuinely loved often end up alone, struggling to heal.

Why does it seem like good people suffer while those who hurt others get a happy ending? Has anyone actually seen karma work, or is it just something we tell ourselves to feel better?

I'd really like to hear your honest experiences.

How can someone be so close to you for six years and then suddenly move on with someone else as if nothing ever happened?

Do they really forget everything? The conversations, the memories, the promises, the little moments that meant so much to me? Or do they remember and simply choose not to care?

I can't understand how someone who was once such a huge part of my life can act like I never existed. Even if everything between us was a lie, wouldn't there be at least one moment where they remember me?

How is it possible to move on so quickly? How do you erase someone from your heart in what feels like a single minute?

I'm not asking them to come back. I just want to understand... how is this even possible?

Last year my boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up and I was so heartbroken. The psychological pain that a human beeing can feel is truly extraordinary (read that in a David Attenborough voice).

Although I initiated the break-up, I wanted him back very quickly, but he was not having it.

I pride myself on being a very practical person, so in a matter of a week or two I had gotten all my things from his place, watched a lot of content on no-contact and contacted several therapists (who also did couples therapy) in case my ex changed his mind) to help me get over the breakup and work on myself, because I somehow knew, that something about the relationship was wrong and that it was probably something I did. I of course idealized my former partner and it was my biggest wish to get him back by showing him that I was doing an effort to change things.

Therapy worked-but not in the sense that I originally thought and sorry to disappoint you, we did not get back together. But my therapist (and also some good youtube content) was able to show me the importance of feeling your own feelings and that they are important, something that I had always tried to avoid. I grew up with two pretty immature parents, whose feelings where always more important than mine.

I wanted to be "the adult" in the room, who is capable of dealing with any situation, but this only lead to my feelings bursting out, when I wasn't able to hold them in any longer (for me it was excessive crying). After some time I was able to see, that this relationship was not good for me. Essentially our problem was, that he was a perfectionist and almost impossible to please and that I thought there would be a solution to every problem he found with me. I set myself on fire so much for him, that I didn't know who I was anymore, and that made me really sad and depressed.

Fast forward a year and I have rediscovered who I am and changed a lot of things in my life. I reconnected with a lot of old friends, that I was scared to contact during the relationship because I thought myself not likable and also made some new ones. I got a new job I like better and I also met a new partner, that makes me feel loved, confident and doesn't make me question my self-worth all the time. One thing I have learned to be weary of is the age-gap between partners. When our relationship started, I was in my mid-twenties and he was ten years older than I was. None of his former six relationships had lasted more than two years (which would now be a giant red flag to me) and because I was inexperienced I didn't recognise emotionally immature behaviour like the DARVO-tactic.

Anyway, I am sick in bed today and I remembered, that stories like this helped me a lot, when I was in the first, very painful stages. And I want to add my voice, for those who might need it now: It may not feel like it now, but it will get better. Your whole life is ahead waiting for you to live it.

Hi Guys

For those who have muttered these words after a devastating break up and have gone on to find someone even better, let me hear your stories.

I’m currently in the thick of it right now. My ex has left me and we share an 18 month old son.

I know we are incompatible and I didn’t even enjoy being in the relationship. It was mildly toxic from both sides..
But now it’s ended and she is moving out.. I look at her as the hottest and most perfect women alive!

The hardest nights are the ones where you're tempted to go back to the person who broke your heart.

Don't.

Missing someone isn't a reason to return to the pain they caused. Healing is lonely sometimes, but it's still better than settling for someone who made you question your worth.

If tonight feels heavy and you just need someone to listen—my DMs are open. No judgment. Just a conversation.

Take care of yourself. One night at a time

Its killing me inside.

he's back with his ex and its not even been 2 weeks.

I feel nauseous. I cant sleep. I'm replaying everything and realising it was all a lie. Meeting my parents. Intimacy. The words.

He 36M started pulling away about 6 weeks in- by then we had already met families, made it official.

I realise now that I was giving much more than he did- time, care, paying for dates, the emotional load... I hate that I didn't pick up on it earlier.

How do you feel after? Is dumper's remorse true?

Hi Ethan, It’s Adam.

I know hearing from me might be unexpected, and I promise this isn’t meant to pressure you into responding. I wasn’t even sure whether my number was blocked. After this, I’ll respect whatever you decide, because I know you probably don’t want to hear from me or talk to me.

There are a few things I never got the chance to say.
My feelings for you were real. Over time, I realized I was falling in love with you. I know I wasn’t always good at expressing how I felt, but it was never because I didn’t care. I was scared, overwhelmed, and trying to figure out how to let someone get that close to me. I’d never experienced that before.

To be completely honest with you, I’ve been on my own since I was sixteen, and I’ve struggled with a lot of things. Some of those were what I was trying to explain to you at the end when everything fell apart. I wasn’t trying to push you away—I was trying to help you understand me. Opening up, trusting someone, and expressing intimacy have always been difficult for me because of the abuse and trauma I’ve lived through, going all the way back to the circumstances of my birth. None of that was your fault, and none of it meant I loved you any less. If anything, it made loving you even more frightening because I had so much to lose.

One thing you never knew is that I was planning to ask you to be my boyfriend the night you came over. I’d already made reservations at a nice restaurant because I wanted to surprise you. I wanted that day to be special, and I wanted to finally tell you how I felt. When you left the next day, I never got the chance. Looking back, that’s part of why I was so insistent on seeing you again and spending more time together. I wanted you to know that you were wanted, and I wanted to make you feel special.
When you agreed to come back around Christmas, I bought everything from your Amazon Christmas registry. I even kept the letter you gave me asking me to be your boyfriend and wrapped everything together because, to me, it meant I was finally ready. I wanted you to know how much you meant to me and how serious I was about us.
The night you came over, after we got into bed together, I told you that I loved you, but you had already fallen asleep before you could hear me. I never got the chance to tell you while you were awake, and I’ve carried that with me ever since.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t missed you these past several months. Losing you has been incredibly hard on me. I miss you, and I wanted you to know that I did love you, and a part of me still does. Ethan, I think I’ll always have love for you, even if it isn’t reciprocated. I hope you know that you were deeply loved by somebody. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever met, and I hope knowing that brings you some peace.

I know things got weird that week when everything fell apart, but I never once questioned my feelings about you. I just wanted the chance to explain what was going on with me, and I was going to. I never would have abandoned you, and I never could have intentionally hurt you.
The truth is that I was already struggling with a lot long before everything happened between us. Then I became terrified that the person I was falling in love with was going to reject me. I handled that fear poorly, and for my part in how everything unfolded, I am truly sorry. I take responsibility for that.

Even so, what we shared meant a great deal to me. My feelings didn’t disappear overnight. From the first time I saw you at Firestone, I felt something different about you. I never stopped hoping I’d get the chance to explain myself before everything ended.

You hurt me deeply, but despite that, I can’t bring myself to meet you with anything except love. I tried to be angry, but it never lasted. Instead, it felt like I lost someone who was still alive. One of the hardest parts has been knowing I don’t get to hear about your day anymore, make you laugh, or hold you. I never imagined that December would be the last time I’d ever see you.

Everything ended so quickly. I’ve spent a long time wondering what happened. I don’t know if you were scared, if your feelings changed, or if something else was going on. I even wondered whether your mental health played a part like you expressed and if it did, I sincerely hope you’ve been able to find the help and peace you deserve.

I’ve sat with those questions for a long time because everything happened so fast. I never got the chance to tell you that I loved you or that I wanted to be there for you no matter what. I would have accepted the good along with the bad because, to me, you were worth it.
I know you told me you were afraid of being abandoned, and I know there were times when you worried that all I wanted was something sexual. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. I couldn’t keep my hands off you because I was falling in love with you. Later, I realized it wasn’t just attraction anymore—I truly loved you. I didn’t just want your body; I wanted all of you. I wanted your heart, your mind, your laugh, your good days, your bad days, and everything in between.

I need you to know that I was never going to abandon you. I could never hurt you, Ethan, even now. I wasn’t going anywhere. I wanted to stand beside you through whatever life brought us, and I wanted to be yours, and for you to be mine.

I know I’m not perfect. I have my own struggles, and I’ve never pretended otherwise. But one thing I know with certainty is that I never wanted to hurt you, and I never stopped caring about you.

I’m not writing this to ask you to get back together or to change your mind. If you’d ever be willing to have one honest conversation, I’d be grateful for that opportunity. If not, I’ll respect your decision completely.

I also want to apologize for disturbing your peace by reaching out. I know you may not want to hear from me, and after this, I won’t bother you again. I just couldn’t let all this time pass without telling you what I never got the chance to say.

I genuinely did love you, Ethan, and a part of me always will. I think I’m always gonna have love for you, Ethan.
If you still have my number and ever decide you’d like to talk, you can text me. If not, I sincerely wish you nothing but happiness and the best life possible.

Take care of yourself, I love you.

Adam.

​

Why would my ex, who broke up with me, breadcrumb me after breaking her own contact rule?? It set me back in my healing. I didnt block her cause I trusted she wouldnt of reached out again. She asked about some random stupid stuff, it seemed like a total excuse to reach out.

The scary part is what if shes so emotionally removed from the break up she felt like it was appropriate to text me. It was a short time after I told her it hurt me to talk to her and thats when she agreed she wouldnt reach out again.

I (18F) broke up with my (first) boyfriend like 3 months ago because our conversations were very uninspired, we had very very different conversation styles and I found myself doing all the talking and struggling to open up about anything. He also had some other things that made me annoyed and hurt me, stuff like being very cheap or not being very propositive for hangouts and dates. I'm glad I broke up with him, don't get me wrong, we were kind of becoming a bit toxic so I decided to stop it there.

I miss him though. I miss all the sweet things he'd do, the way he'd see me for 5 minutes just to see me, the original compliments he'd give me, the way we texted a lot throughout the day, hanging out with his friends and viceversa, how affectionate he was. We never had intercourse or anything before that, and somehow this hurts me even more. I feel like the relationship ended fairly but almost too much on "good terms". I don't think I'd get back together with him, I don't think it would work out, but I still miss him, and I feel kinda dumb about it since the relationship was only 3 months long and I was the one who broke up(and it was a while ago too). I find myself wanting to text him because I want to know how he's doing and what he's up to, I'd like to see him but I know I shouldn't because I don't think we could be friends, to be honest.

Somehow I miss being his person. He was a pretty complex individual and I miss being the one who understood him so much, and somehow I'd like to let him know "hey, I still know and understand you".

I know he kinda misses me too, I found out a few days ago from one of his friend's chat, and this has kinda hit me hard. It's like if now I have this feeling that if I went back to him I could have him, which makes me think about it more.

I feel very awkward about these feelings, they don't make sense, I shouldn't be feeling like this, since for the past months I've been doing fine. Any advice?

hey everyone. i've posted a few times on this subreddit within the past month and have gotten some mixed perspectives. my ex broke up with me mid june. just hit two weeks of no contact today. he initially wanted to remain friends after some space apart, and i did as well. however i was very emotional in our last conversation, and told him i couldn't be friends now and may not ever be able to. which i now deeply regret. we both hold no malice towards each other, and want to remain amicable. we were initially planning on meeting to catch up in a couple months with no expectations. however i pushed for earlier, and that made him more distant. understandably so. if he doesn't reach out beforehand, would asking to catch up over coffee in mid October be too risky? i know we've both been working on ourselves and will continue to do so. he hasn't been cold towards me, but he was stern in his boundaries for now, as was i. but emotions fluctuate quickly. mine certainly have. i miss him and we both still want to be a part of each other's lives down the line- but i don't want him to be under the impression that i'm pushing for reconciliation.
here's a blueprint message i've been thinking about sending when the time comes: hey (insert name). i hope you've been well. i know we were initially planning on catching up a few months after our breakup, but then our last conversation happened, and i regret how i handled it. if you'd like to get coffee sometime, lmk. absolutely no pressure either way but i'd love to see you. no expectations- just thought i should reach out

I really wish he would reach out. More than anything, I wanted closure. I wanted one final conversation where he would just be honest with me. Towards the end of our four-year long-distance relationship, he became so secretive. He stopped telling me what he was doing, where he was, and who he was talking to. Whenever I asked, I’d either get vague answers or no answers at all. It left me wondering if he was cheating or if there was someone else, and those thoughts have completely consumed me ever since. The uncertainty has destroyed me mentally. I have constant dreams about him being with other women, and I wake up feeling sick to my stomach. My mind keeps replaying every little thing, trying to figure out what happened and whether I missed signs. I feel like my body is exhausted from carrying all of this grief and anxiety. I don’t even know if hearing the truth would make it hurt less, but I wanted the chance to hear it from him. I wanted one last phone call where he would answer my questions honestly instead of leaving me with silence and endless “what ifs.” Has anyone else struggled more with the unanswered questions than the breakup itself? How did you ever make peace with not knowing the truth?

Next week on Tuesday the 21st of July would be our 5 year anniversary and I’m taking it a little bit harder since it’s been awhile of 7-8 months of not talking to each other ( no contact) and we have been together for 4 1/2 years before splitting up. I’m genuinely missing him and what our connection was. Ngl I tried to contact him and there was no reply and I respected his wishes haven’t contacted him since. I just want him back and what we had together. It was my decision to break up but now I have to suffer with the consequences.

It’s a day after, once would be 5 years in our relationship and I still would like to reach out to him, but l can’t do anything else. My mom said if I wanted to, I should go in person but I thought it would be too much to show up to his work. I also been seeing that he is now looking at my account more often on tik tok. It started like 3-4 days ago. I don’t know what it means when he only looks at my story, does this mean he reciprocating the same feelings?

Starting school in about 2 weeks. I always told my ex my fears of long distance to the point where I questioned if I even wanted to go. When he broke things off he said this is what’s best… he “loves me” and wants me to do great things. This was 2 months ago and we’ve been NC since.

Is he just a horrible person for not reaching out still? Or is he protecting me in a way?

7y, 30m 30f, blindsided out of the blue because she lost feelings, left suddenly out of our home and spent one month without contact immediately.

I asked for a closure talk after a hellish month of anxiety and therapy. She asked for two more weeks to "process it", even after she initiated the breakup. Went to get my answers from her. She came shaky, crying, hugging me, holding hands. Told me she had realized she lost feelings and slowly detached because she didn't know what she wanted in life. She asked for the whole 2025 for me to ask her in marriage. I made a ring and asked her in October, she said yes. Immediately she started to panic and get anxiety and kept it inside, not even talking to her friends. She never brought it up or communicated, just kept going for six months till she popped and had to leave suddenly. I asked if after a month and a half she had a inkling at what she actually wanted in life. She said she didn't have any idea.

When we were leaving after four hours of conversation, she told me that she's probably going to regret doing this in the future. It's baffling, honestly. She's impulsive and insecure af but I never thought she would discard our life together like this. I told her that our relationship was real good. That if she realized it, she could call me and we could talk.

Three weeks have passed and I'm thinking of reaching out one time, to tell her that I still see a possible future but she has to work for it and want to go to therapy to work on her insecurities. I'm in a better place 2.5 months after BU and I know that I'll be happy either alone or with her. But I'd like to repair our relationship, and live together, if possible. This isn't done in desperation or begging. I know it's a fool's errand but after talking to my therapist, she told me that she actually encourages me to give it a go, for my own peace of mind, knowing I did all I could to still save our relationship. But I don't know what to do.

He unblocked me on ig after a month and only texted me "you are not blocked anymore". I found it really disrespectful so i left him on seen, I didnt want it to affect me in any way, but it did.. Do you think there might be a reason behind it or just a game? In our last conversation he told me that he will block me because its better to never speak again and reach out to each other. And he never blocked me before or me blocking him. We went no contact a few times but never blocking. Im asking all of this even tho i know everything he did was such low effort i shouldnt even think about it, but im still healing. And sadly this got me back into a spiral. And tbh if he really wanted to apologize for his actions i think he would've done it by now, but its been 3 days since his text and he didnt follow up with another explanation. I also think that he expected me to chase him or to say something because i always used to overexplain and truly try to communicate with him..He is also in his late 20s, Im in my early 20s so its surprising to me that he did all of that since he always tried to act more mature than me. I really would've appreciated it more if he just left me alone. And im just so mad at myself that im wasting time thinking if he will ever take accountability for his actions when i should just move on, because even if he did all of this, i dont want to go back to that...i just wanted a decent ending. A clean conversation

I’m 24 days post-breakup, 22 days since I last saw him in person, and 14 days into no contact after our final logistical text exchange.
(This timeline doesn’t even feel real.)

This has been the most heartbreaking loss of my life. I’ve never experienced this depth of grief, pain, and longing after a relationship ended. 💔

Journaling has helped me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I wanted to share something that has helped me in hopes that it resonates with someone here.

Yesterday I wrote:

“By the end… we were both grasping at straws. The relationship needed to end.

We were two people who loved each other, but had become increasingly incompatible in the way we related to one another.

We were desperately trying to save something that neither of our nervous systems knew how to stabilize anymore.

I felt deeply in love with him the entire relationship, but another truth that existed was the way I would tense up and feel anxious every morning waking up next to him… and that same feeling whenever one of us entered the same room.”

I’ve been trying to accept the end a little more each day, and upon reflecting today, this thought has helped me:

I’m not grieving a place I can go back to.

I realized that the relationship I’m longing to return to… no longer existed by the end.

I’m grieving the version of the relationship where we both felt safe, connected, and hopeful. But that wasn’t where we were anymore.

We hadn’t been there for a long time leading up to the breakup.. 😞

Even if he called today and said, “Let’s try again,” (as much as I WISH for that) I know that I wouldn’t be stepping back into a place of secure attachment.

The pain, exhaustion, tension, and resentment wouldn’t simply disappear.

I’m grieving something that was real, beautiful, and meaningful, but also something that had already changed.

I can’t go back.

So I have to let go.

I know it’s easier said than done.. but this helped me to push through another day and I hope it helps someone else. ❤️‍🩹

I want to start of by saying massive trigger warning ⚠️ to this story as it talks about topic of, D.V. and cheating. If you do not feel comfortable reading this I completely understand.

This relationship completely ended in 2021 and I couldn't feel more free. Years of therapy and self healing was not easy but it was much needed. This relationship took so much out of me and I did not realize it. I want to clarify, I do not seek to speak to this man child, I am in a different place in my life and I would like to finally speak about my story and what happened to me.

I met my ex back in 2017 through a mutual friend, we started talking through Facebook messenger. I was 18 and in college, and so was he. I'm not going to lie at first I thought he was charming and cute, but looking back I just needed an appointment to the ophthalmologist and get a higher prescription on my eyeglasses.

Our relationship started off sweet, like every other normal relationship, until he started mentioning his ex he specifically mentioned as his "Puerto Rican that got away." It would be as small comments mentioning how he messed up that relationship, then escalating to how if he had the chance he would go back. From there he started comparing me and her, how different we are, (for reference I'm Mexican) he would make comments saying my culture was "ghetto" and basic and compare our looks and physiques were.

All this was becoming too much for me and I asked him to stop. To which he kept saying to stop being so sensitive, I would brush it aside and tried to ignore it. This kept going on for months until one day while I was at work, a girl came by my job, pointed at me, and yelled "that b\*\*\* stole my boyfriend." The girl was escorted out and my coworker asked if I knew who she was, I said no, because I honestly had no clue who she was. I called my best friend and told him what happened and he said he saw her and said it was my ex's, ex girlfriend. That same day we found out that not only was he "in a relationship with me" but he was trying to get back with her.

That day I decided to break it off through text. I personally was broken, (I know over a man, gross) but while I was crying, he already had another girl lined up, that no one knew about. (I didn't discover about this until after relationship was finally over)

Two weeks after we broke up, he messaged me and we rekindled, I know it was dumb mistake. (During this time, he was not only "allegedly" messing with me, he was also trying to sleep with his ex and be in a relationship with a new girl who so happened to be a minor.)

I was not aware, but I saw signs. I confronted them. And that's where it began the emotional manipulation and gaslighting.

I felt like I was going crazy, I didn't know what to believe, he would tell me he was going with his friends and next thing I saw is a picture of him cuddled up with a girl with the caption "lucky to have you 🩷" I would confront him and he would lie.

I honestly just wanted to hear the truth but I should've known better.

This went on for the remainder of 2017 and the begining of 2018.

In 2018 I finally had the courage to go through his phone and I found thousands of "I love you" "mi amor" "I miss you" messages.

In his conversations he referred me as his "friend" and how I was disturbing him, how I was annoying I was to him. I couldnt do anything but cry. I left his apartment that night.

What I found interesting that that he has referred that same girl to me as his friend as well. This sick person as mentioned us as his friends to each other.

I told him I wanted to break up, I couldnt hear the thought of being annoying and being a distrubance to someone. He refused. He didn't want to break up.

He made empty promises of staying loyal and changing for the better.

Days later, he started to "horse play" with me, whenever he started to get upset. He started to pinch me, and pull my hair. Then he started to mess up my clothes. He started to steal my clothes like socks to stain or rip them.

My friends began noticing brui\*\*s n my arms and legs, but I would brush it off saying I hit myself. The abuse began transitioning into control.

He started to deprive me of my sleep and food, he didn't let me go home, he wouldn't let me order food, he would give me alcoholic drinks on an empty stomach and make drink in front of company, he would put obnoxious vine videos loud on his phone and would not let me sleep, and yes he isolated me from my friends, my family and even my dog.

On one occasion when I finally got to see my best friend by inviting him over to the apartment, I ran up to hug him. My ex, grabbed a white, thick HDMI cable and in front of my best friend, nieces and nephew hit me with the cable on my back. I fell on my knees, my best friend held me, asked me if I'm ok, I held my tears in because I knew if I cried in front of him I would get an earful, I slowly got up walked to the restroom and cried quietly. I heard my everyone yelling at my ex, even his nephew saying "bro that's f\*\*\* up I would never hit my girl." When I walked out my ex was not there his nieces came up to me and grabbed an ice pack for me and my best friend placed it on my back. There was a bright red mark from where I was hit. When everyone left my ex told me, " you embarrassed me in front of everyone, it didn't even hurt that bad idk why you even cried."

In 2019, I was trying to secretly buy tickets to see my favorite artist Ariana Grande for her Thank U next tour, with my best friend. However my ex found out, and pressured me into taking him instead of my best friend. Till this day I regret this. Fast forward to the week of the concert, he is upset for someone reason, come to find out, he is still talking to a girl from HIGH SCHOOL AND IS UPSET BECAUSE THE CONCERT LANDED THE SAME DAY AS THE PROM THE GIRL WANTED HIM TO TAKE HER.

The day of the concert he is still upset at me. To begin with I didn't want him to go I wanted my best friend to go, he told me "you are the reason why your exes treated you the way they did." Hours before the concert I was so excited to go to. I went to the restroom silently cried, called my best friend, who comforted me and told me to remember that there's a concert to look forward to. My ex started to throw a tantrum and say he wasn't going to the concert, all I did was reply with, ok, and began to get ready. When he noticed I was almost done and began ordering the Uber he started to quickly get ready and said "fine I'll go with you. But I react like this because you make me so upset, now let's have fun at this concert," and all I said was ok. And ordered the Uber.

Following the concert, I don't know what happened to him. But he started to do anything he could to make me the most unattractive person as he could.

What I mean by this, he tried to do an undercut or the side shaved undercut (like Rihanna or Cassie Ventura) but butchered to demean me and my femanine side.

Sept 2019 through March 2020 was the worse. Everything that happened, broke me as a person more than I already was.

In Sept. I found out everything, and I mean everything, this man (during this time he was 21) had a full blown relationship with a 16 YEAR OLD CHILD, besides her he was cheating on me with SEVEN different other women one of them being a girl who gave him an STD, who also happened to be the 16 year old's neighbor, because they would talk Abt how she went home and he could go see her without him being caught (GROSS!!).

I told the teen this man was living with me, we were together since 2017 and I was breaking up with him and that he was sleeping with seven women and possibly more to be careful.

From there things spiraled for the worse. The teen and her friends began harassing me. She found my number, she found my old address. Her friends began texting me, online harassing me everyday.

I would tell her to please leave me alone I want nothing to do with him or her but she would not budge.

I tried leaving my ex, but he refused to leave my apartment and "wanted to work things out with me"

During this time I was alone in a whole different city, with none of my friends near me, making minimum wage, with no car, no way back home, making it harder to leave (not the situation but the location).

Everyday it was getting worse, more fights, he was getting more physical with me, and would purposely make me anxious until I had a panic attack and record me.

He would say he did this so he would have proof that I was a danger to myself and to him if I ever pressed charges on him for hitting me.

Later I found out, he started becoming physically abusive towards me after the girl began threatening to leave him if he did not start hitting me because "hit her or I'm leaving."

At the time I didn't realize it but I had bruises all over my back, my shoulders and my arms, some in my legs. One day I looked in the mirror and texted my best friend and asked him for help, thankfully he came to check up on me from there forward.

My best friend was very worried for me and began checking on me. I didn't realize I was doing this or maybe I was doing this subconsciously but where I live is extremely hot and humid. I was wearing sweaters and long sleeve shirts to hide my bruises.

I finally had enough and in December I kick my ex out of apartment. But I pack his items myself and drop them off at his friends house so he can pick them up. He proceeds to harass me and wants to come to the apartment to check if I left anything of his there. I refused and told him to leave me alone as his name was never on the lease.

His now girlfriend finds out and gets upset at me for kicking him out OUT OF MY APARTMENT and began telling how much of a horrible person I was and I have no compassion. Etc.

At the time I had an emotional support dog, who I cherished and I still think about till this day. The girl had found out about him, and told my ex that she wanted me to keep nothing from the relationship.

He took away my EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOG. He threatened me with the videos he took of me mid panic attack he had caused, saying if I went to the police he would show them those videos.

I wanted my dog back but I didn't know what to do.

During long periods of times we would not speak to each other, but HE would message me. HE would contact me, and I would answer yes. One to get my dog back and two to get some sort of closure and answered he kept promising when we would talk in person. Spoiler alert I never got an answer of why he did the things he did to me.

Everytime he would contact me, the teen found out and blame me for his actions. I just wanted my dog back. I just wanted answers. I didn't want him.

He kept having the habit of blocking me, unblocking me, messaging me for a few days. Teen finds out he blocks me and then two months he messages me again I tell him to leave me alone and again she blames me for him looking for me.

Finally all this came to an end in March 2021 when finally spoke with the teen, told her he is the one looking for me, he is the one that didn't want to break up, he is the one who messaged me through tik tok and keeps trying to make conversation with me. He is is the one looking for me not me. I don't want him, but congrats you won he's your prize I'm gifting him to you with a bow and everything. Wished her the best and said bye.

And that was final time I came across that situation.

I'm telling this story in the hopes someone doesn't go through what I went through. And to remind you everyone gets their karma and everything will get better.

Now, I'm happy married to my best friend, the person who was there for me, who checked up on me.

In 2022 I was diagnosed with severe depression and began taking anti depressants and going to therapy.

Due to the high amount of stress this relationship made me go through months after my breakup, I was diagnosed with PCOS.

With the help of my husband I am able to manage my PCOS symptoms.

To the girl he left me for, I know he didn't change, I know you went through the same things I did, and honestly I hope you're doing ok. And thank you for finally admitting to me that he cheated on me with you.

Been a week of no contact seriously fighting the urge to not ring right now

My ex of 4 years, had an affair with a workplace colleague i found out from reading her confession on chat gpt. For months (Late January - end of March) she was gaslighting me and lying to me when I would ask if there was anybody else... she then became very manipulative at the end and push and pulling me.

I asked her to come and collect her stuff from our flat, I put all her things in bags outside our flat and gave her a pick up time. She picked up her stuff, and asked me twice via text if I was keeping the playstation (I brought her for Christmas) I ignored this, she has messaged me this today...

Hi i hope you’re ok. Just wanted to check with what’s going on with the flat? Not had any correspondence about a notice being handed in so assuming you are staying on? So I will need to take myself off the tenancy? Also, I need to collect the rest of my stuff and clothes as stuff is missing. You also didn’t reply to me about the PlayStation, you’d given me that as a gift? I need to drop your Indian clothes and speaker off too. So can we arrange for an exchange or something or if you still don’t want to see me then let me know a day you will be out for me to get my stuff and return the keys to you?

I have messaged the property management and asked them to remove her from the tenancy agreement from next month, I have already changed the lock barrel so she can't let herself in.

Can anyone please give me some advice on the best way to manage this, I want minimal contact with her. Every time I hear from her, my body starts shaking and my heart rate goes so high - its horrible, just want her out of my life now. Some of my friends / sister are saying I should maybe just let her have one last look around the flat, to make life easier.. but I really don't want her in my space ever again.

Thank you all so much!