I've been with my husband for 11 years now, we have two beautiful children. All this time, I always thought we were each other's soulmates and that nothing else could ever come between us. He helped me get through the worst time of my life when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, where he always assured me that we'll get through the whole ordeal together. I believed him as our family slowly got over my medical woes.

However, I recently learned that after all this time, he was praying for the cancer to spread far enough to kill me. I discovered this all on my own after I found out that he had a spare phone hidden under our bed when I was changing the sheets. It was an older keypad model, it didn't even have the capability to install apps I think. Something felt off, so I took it with me before confronting him.

When I asked him about it, he denied that it was his even though he'd rushed upstairs looking for it. So I took the kids, went to my sister's house (we're in the same neighbourhood), and started reading the text messages. The only number ever saved was a name of a fling he had before we got together (this woman went to the same high school as us.) They reconnected about five years into our marriage and never stopped talking, despite her being in a relationship after I looked her up on Facebook.

Typing and recalling all of this is making my heart ache all over again. He told her that if the cancer ever does come back, they can finally be together. I kept scrolling down and realized that they were secretly texting each other for about five years. My husband's always been stoic, and he's never really been one to overtly show emotions and all that, and here he was texting her "good morning" and "I love you" messages. In one of the texts, he blamed me for wasting a decade of his life. He also said in the texts that he only stuck with me because of our children.

I'm thinking of getting a divorce, but it's looked down upon in our country. To make it worse, he's been threatening me and accused me of stealing the phone. And the worst of all is that I have no idea how I'm going to break the news to my children.

I had a masectomy yesterday. I've never had a major surgery before, but have been with others when they have.

I was taken to the OR and the surgeon verbally acknowledged me again. When the anesthesiologist started his part I realized without saying anything she just came over and held my hand.

She made me feel like a person. She made me feel cared for. It was a small gesture but it meant and means all the world to me.

In the early 2000s and 2010s I was an active person in trapping pedos. I would essentially do the texting part of TCAP. I did it in my free time and felt amazing when I would report an individual to the FBI. It was my small part. My dad was a SVU officer in OSI and kind of led me through the process. I never saw anything but weird creepy older men (and a few females). It was always me (an adult) getting evidence on adult people who were openly trying to hurt minors.

Two weeks ago I thought I would try it again since it's become such an issue on various sites. But this time I fully went knowing I was going to find, report and see their downfall. I was told that X has seen a rise in grooming/ CP activity so I went and made an account. I did what I normally did and set up a face and posture. Soon I had found the buzzwords people had talked about coming across. Common words that you would stumble upon while doing casual scrolling. I also found that X is not the main issue-- it is the vehicle for all of this. They are making accounts and posting Telegram chats where things can be sold. You buy a shitty ai pic and it gives you a code. That code is then given as a password. Or you request and they give. Just like that. It's not even trying to be hidden and I don't feel like anything is being done about it.

Never before in any of my years of doing this had I seen ANYTHING explicit with the people I was trying to help. But all of a sudden I was seeing bad bad things. This wasn't even with clicking on any links or probing any accounts. I was seeing things in COMMENT sections. I was seeing things opening on accounts that were not banned.

I did what I could and reported what I saw. About 10% were pushed back to me as not an issue. Profile pics of kids doing things, links to sites where you can purchase. They were pushed back to me as 'not a break in guidelines.'

I feel like a monster. I saw things I probably will never be able to forget. And I searched for it. I looked for it (although with good intentions) I still looked and I saw.

I see posts about people accidentally coming across this kind of thing on X. Let me tell you, that's a lie. You need to go to very specific places, use very specific terms to find these things. It's not just porn words, words you would use to look up a hot Latina or petite woman.

I feel so broken and like a shadow of myself after these two weeks. I feel dirty? At least with my past experience I was the one being put through things and I never felt this dirty.

It pisses me off and I want to do more but legitimately I don't think my heart or my stomach can take it. I want these people to suffer. It's worse than I thought and I was only digging for 2 weeks. I want to make a group that literally goes after these people but I don't have it in me. They need to suffer a lot more than I am capable of.

The thing that finally broke me was seeing a kid who looked almost exactly like my nephew. Dead eyes, being forced to do something so heinous. I know it's not my nephew but it snapped something in me. I can't look at people the same anymore, let alone kids. I always wonder what if they are being hurt, what if I could save them if I kept digging and kept reporting. But I didn't. I had to step away for me. But they need help.

I'm struggling.

My girlfriend(22F) finished my(23F) birthday present a few months early, and is the kind of girl who can't keep a secret. I love her dearly for this, it's always fun to encourage her to keep it just one day more, but this time she really wanted to give me the gift she'd worked really hard on. I drove to her house to pick up something and she decided to also give me my present.
I opened it and it was a lil cross stitched panel. The cross stitch is beautiful, and it means a lot to her that she is crafting again.
She lost the passion for it after she had to mass produce it and stopped creating for herself. It's wonderful seeing her fall in love with embroidery again.
However, I asked what made her choose to create this specific design(I always ask her thought process, it helps me understand her and learn more about her) and she said it was just something she wanted to try. She gave it to me because she was overjoyed she could make something for herself again and she wanted me to have her first project in several years.
A small, bitter part of me was and honestly still is upset that she made my birthday present for herself, representing herself, and was excited to give it to me because of what it meant to her.
I love my girlfriend, and she usually is the best woman in the world at making me feel heard or making me truly believe that she sees me, but I felt like none of the present was actually about me.
I'm being selfish and I am so so glad she is sharing her passion with me and is excited to show me her progress in things she loves. I can't wait to see more and hang them on my living room walls.
But I felt a little sad that she didn't give me a birthday present because it was me, but because I am hers? Does this make sense? Like my relationship to her is the only thing that mattered and not who I am outside of being her girlfriend? It's small and stupid and I'll talk to her about it when I know how to phrase it without making it sound like I don't adore the project(I do) and like I don't fully support her(I always will)
Thanks for letting me vent

Okay a tiny back story, I was 20 when I got pregnant by my current boyfriend who was 24 at the time. We only knew each other for 7 months before I got pregnant, but after the initial shock wore off we ending up moving back home to be close to his family while raising our son. Now there are lots of other things that happened during my pregnancy but this situation was the tipping point for me.

After 24 hours in labor I was rushed to have an emergency C-section, everything went smoothly besides the medication putting me in a mental fog. The nurse explained due to my C-section I would not have milk for 3 or 4 days, which she explained was completely normal, so the decision the medical professionals and I made was to put my son on donor milk for the time being. Everything was set and we are wheeled to recovery as she explains what my condition will be like in the morning. The morning hits, I just feel like I just survived world war 2, and my mother in law walks in… everything is fine until she learns my son is on donor milk and boy..she didn’t like that. So much so we start arguing..As she argues I have enough colostrum to feed my baby I argue she has no opinion over the medical professionals when suddenly she then reaches down and starts to milk my bare breast.. my hands are in the air and I’m starring at my boyfriend in horror while he watches and does.. nothing. Literally nothing. Not a word, not a face, not a movement.. nothing

I wish I could say things got better when I got home but they didn’t, she needed to control everything my son ate, wore, and breathed while simultaneously calling herself mother to my child to this day. Again every-time my boundaries were clearly overstepped after communication and reassurance that my boyfriend would defend me and set standards with his family.. he did nothing…

Fast forward a year later and my boyfriend and I are still arguing over this and the continuous intrusions by his mom, In his words I perceived it as sexual assault but it was simply a boundary crossed, to me that’s only the case because he’s his mom and I personally think he’s stuck so far inside his mom he doesn’t know how to blink without her personal opinion on the matter. Even simple comparisons like “hey what if I let my daddy grope your balls” which will be met by “ that’s not the same, he has no reason to touch my balls..” 😒 like his mom has a reason to milk me but whatever. Again this is coming from the guy whose mommy bought his house for him, ofc he’s gonna protect her and I’m aware when it comes to my relationship with him, there is no changing him but unfortunately without resources I’m stuck.. which is why I’m considering a restarting order.

Now this same woman has given him exactly $4000 for his house mind you, considering this isn’t a kind gesture and will be used by her to hold over my head as soon as I tell her she’s not welcome unannounced in my home, I won’t be able to stop unwelcome visits. It’s only a matter of time and my boyfriend can’t so much as accept a single thing she’s done to anyone. At this point I’m genuinely ready for a protection order because it isn’t just the SA against me, she’s abuses her autistic son that she uses for money and I have first hand seen her stalk her lover while also in a 5 year long “committed” relationship… my personal take is she isn’t safe and rather psychotic and I’m clearly not beyond her capabilities of being dangerous in any situation. I’m concerned her behavior could get worse especially as my son gets older. I don’t know what else I can do to keep myself safe especially if the man I had a child with and was there to witness it genuinely downplays everything to protect his mom.

Not only has this affected me physically as I went through a period of starvation, but mentally and emotionally as well. It’s hard to trust anyone, I used to have this blind trust for women and now I can’t bring myself to trust them, I’m terrified and I mean terrified to have another baby, I have horrible insomnia, emotional outburst, sometimes I can’t get out of bed while other times I can’t stop pacing and the only thing that’s bothering my boyfriend is that I called him mean names when he didn’t stand up for me.. I’m loosing my mind and at this point struggle to even understand my own identity anymore.

My Husband and i lived in apartments for years, after a while we decided to rent a house and try to take a step forward. We lived in the house for a little over 2 years and we had a lot of issues.

The financial changes really put a strain on our relationship. We would get into explosive fights multiple times a month. Both of our mental health issues got much worse. I did end up getting specialized therapy which did help some. We also tried couples therapy for a bit.

After all of the issues and stress of the House, we decided to move into an apartment thats cheaper. I feel both embarrassed and relieved. I know our decisions dont need to make sense to everyone, but its still hard. I feel like a failure for not making the house work. I know it doesnt mean we cant have a house one day either. I also realize that a lot of people are really struggling right now.

On the bright side, we are taking this time to try to improve ourselves and work on some things individually and together. I hope it works, but i still feel badly.

Thanks for reading ❤️‍🩹

I (29F) and a close Friend + DM, Damien, (26M) have come to the realization that we have a extremely dedicated fabulist in our DND group. To define, a fabulist is a person that constructs an elaborate fake life, or fake events online. Think the person who pretended to be in the towers on 9/11, or if you're more internet savvy, figures like Ms. Scribe. Some information has been obfuscated, on purpose.

To start with, Liar came into my life via Damien, and they were a new face at our virtual DND table. That's great! I love new people. I'd vaguely heard of them before interacting during DND, Damien loved hyping them up to me. They were so cool, a lawyer working for a family law practice, etc. I had a picture of them in my head as like someone in their 40s who I admittedly was a little nervous about embarrassing myself around. The only other time Liar came up was when I was going through my own health struggles, and Damien said he doubted that what I was struggling with was what I've since been diagnosed was, because Liar had it and it was so very bad for them, (ETC, I was like is it EDS, and he was like, nah they have it where their joints pop out even by laying down.) So there was that discomfort there as well. I put it aside and joined the DND group and, well, the rest was history for some times. I never became friends with them, but as could be imagined, Damien was dating them; though it was an LDR and they'd never met in person.

Liar said they were native american and had been talking to damien as a source of how to have their character be native in game. Cool! Love to learn new things. Liar often missed DND because of health, but hey, I got it, my health also sucked. I was jealous at the time because well, they claimed to be a lawyer and I'm stuck working a family business job. I tried bringing up going to law school with them once and the conversation abruptly changed topics. Weird, but fine. Don't mix work with pleasure, even though the lawyer and ex-lawyer and my life wouldn't know how to do that for the life of them. In other words I just thought they and I didn't get along, even though Damien assured me they thought I was cool.

Fast forward about a year, and Liar tells Damien and the rest of us they're dropping out of the game. It's just their health is at a point that they are looking potentially at terminal conditions, and they wanted to focus on family. (They said they were in kidney failure). Given that I thought they were a decade or so older than me, with the conditions I knew I then had, I was quite shaken. Would that be me, in 10 years? I wish them well, and that I hope that things get better for them and their family. Damien is heartbroken and worried for their partner, which, yeah. I think most people would be.

About a month after we get total whiplash. Liar will be doing treatment overseas in an Asian country they studied abroad in during high school, using their former host family to help them out. They won't be dying, the treatment's very experimental, so they're going to be gone a while. Again, wish them well. Hope it goes good!

I hear nothing about it for another few months. I know lots of my friends are virtual pen pals with them, Damien had still dating them, but the pair of us never clicked for whatever reason.

But Damien came over tonight to hang out and he needed to get shit off his chest too and. What the fuck.

So, apparently Damien behind the scenes with them has been going through this cycle, where they go "I'm sick -> (time passes) I'm on a new treatment!", and while it didn't raise any red flags at first, not until the kidney failure started a new rapid cycle of crises that have gotten progressively more serious. Apparently this is the third cancer they've mentioned to Damien, that had treatment done on it very fast, or they stop mentioning it, but I don't even remember the list of everything Damien said that Liar claimed to have had. But what made Damien come to me wasn't just that. It was that they're meant to be living in an Asian country, and had sent him previously, pictures of the place in question. Up until Damien's doing a check up on them, and Liar sent a picture of the interior of an American hospital. American electrical outlets, Anglish on the walls, our style of exit sign up at the top. He'd apparently already had doubts, but the picture was (one of) the final straw(s).

First of all, Liar isn't in their 40s, not even their 30s. They're apparently 25. 25, and given the timeline I've known them for: they would have had to be a lawyer since they've been 21. I called bullshit immediately on that because there's just almost no way you can complete uni then law school, but that wasn't the thing Damien was actually upset about. So, Damien knew the state that Liar had lived in, but Liar had been really cagey about a few things with him: like giving him an address to send flowers and sweets to (yk, given that Liar has been so fucking sick?) and in spite of how his partner of nearly 2 fucking years has been sick for this long, Damien hasn't visited them, or vice versa. Liar told him that they could only come to the USA once per year during their treatment program, and allegedly, they'd taken the time to visit their family. EXCEPT. They posted quite a number of friend shots on the friend discord that looked like they'd been to a convention, dressed in cosplay. That was the emotional low point for Damien that made him come to me in the first place, the actual final straw.

So the two of us get conspiratorial, we sit on my couch and try to figure this out. What the fuck did Damien get involved with? I'm so confused myself, and Damien tells me more about the backstory Liar gave him. Lived abroad in HS (hence their host family hosting them for their revolutionary treatment overseas, ofc), then Uni, then they went to Harvard Law. I tried to track down the names of graduates in the year they would have but I'm not nearly tech savvy enough. Still, the timeline doesn't make goddamned sense, nor does their age match up. I'm not friends with them anywhere, so we use my moms accounts to try and track them down. I'm invested. There's something very wrong here. I get a full name, lets find it. A locked facebook page thats NOT friends with anyone in my friend group, and that sure as shit seems to be their photo. I debate sending a Friend Request, given it looks active, but I decide against it. Instead, I look up other records, and track down this facebook's instagram (also separate!).

Y'all they're a cashier. Their family doesn't have a law practice. Their family is Italian, I won't give anything away but like there's basically no doubting that they lied about being Native American. We both like sat there, stunned for like a hot minute because, what the fuck did we stumble into? I ask him how he even met this person, and he said he'd met them online looking for players, and they'd wanted a relationship with Damien really quickly, Damien had said, and had said I love you within the first month of an online only LDR. Definitely there was nothing suspicious there! Definitely not. But hey, that's not my circus or my monkey. The fact they'd never met IRL was similarly not my circus or my monkey.

SO: To recap. There's no cancer, no terminal illnesses, they're not in Asia, my bet's they went for a few weeks on a vacation and that's where the photos were from and why no more have been sent since. No Law Practice, no Law Degree from Harvard Law, they're just a cashier. Cut and dry, right? Just. Tell everyone and getem out. Except, issue.

The Problem: a lot of my friends like and trust Liar and view them as an authority figure, some have become friends and separately had kept up with Liar after they'd left the DND table. Hell, even though the two of us never were close, I liked them too! They seem even keeled and kind. Hell, they actually might be kind! But they're definitely a massive liar. And massive liars don't like being caught in their lie and will absolutely lie to get out of being caught. Damien's crashing at my house tonight and we're going to just drink but Damn. What the fuck.

I'm so pissed because I actually do have several of the health conditions that this liar has claimed to have (but remember, theirs is so bad they can't even lay down without their joints popping out of place and their bones dislocating?? Do they even have EDS?!) I knew fabulists were a thing for a very long time, but I'd never encountered a dedicated one and well, fucking caught them red handed?? And it's like lying isn't a crime it's just weird!

Thanks for hearing my mad ramble about this because, what the fuck, how do people live like this. Damien and I have already chatted each other's ear off about this and I had to tell someone else it because what the fuck.

tl;dr long time best friend brought in a person who's lied about fucking everything: from their career + degree to their ethnicity to their medical conditions including claiming terminal illness because he's been dating them and it unraveled 2 years into it after they've gone and enmeshed themselves with many of my friends.

30F here.

Last week, I found out that my ex-boyfriend got married.

I wasn’t heartbroken, but I was surprised. For a few seconds, I honestly didn’t know what to feel. My mind just went blank.

For context, we started dating in 2021. He had just graduated from college while I was already working. Since he was just starting his career, I was usually the one paying whenever we’d go out. I never saw it as a burden because I knew he was still trying to build his career.

Even after he got a job, our setup didn’t really change. I still spent more most of the time, and honestly, I didn’t mind. I loved him, so it never really bothered me.

I used to joke about getting married someday. Whenever I brought it up, he’d always say he wasn’t ready yet because he was just starting his career. Fair enough- I understood.

Eventually, things became unhealthy. There was cheating, trust was broken, and in 2024, just three hours before my birthday, he suddenly stopped replying. No explanation. He just disappeared.

A few months later, he reached out and apologized. We started talking again once in a while. We spent Christmas and New Year together, and I even went with him to buy clothes before his first business trip abroad.

While he was away, he’d send me updates about how beautiful everything was. I was genuinely happy for him because I knew that trip meant a lot to him.

When he got back, he told me he’d stop by my place because I had asked him to buy me a few things. I cleaned my place, and waited.

He never came.

That was the last time I heard from him.

About two months later, someone showed me his post with another girl. They were traveling together abroad. It hurt, but I kept reminding myself that we weren’t together anymore.

A year later, in 2026, I came across a story and saw that he had married the same girl.

My first reaction wasn’t anger.

It wasn’t even sadness.

It was more like, “Wow… life really does have its own way of working things out.”

For a moment, I wondered why he seemed ready so quickly. Then I realized maybe I was asking the wrong question.

Maybe it wasn’t about being ready.

Maybe life simply took us in different directions.

Looking back, I don’t regret loving him. I don’t regret supporting him while he was still building his career, and I don’t regret believing in the future we once talked about. Those memories were real, and they’ll always be part of my life.

I also realized that someone else’s choices don’t define my worth. Just because we didn’t end up together doesn’t mean I wasn’t enough. It just means we weren’t meant to spend the rest of our lives together.

Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some people become part of your life to teach you something, help you grow, and then become part of your past. That doesn’t erase the good memories or make the relationship a failure.

After seeing that story, I found myself booking another trip. Not because I was heartbroken, but because I realized I had spent enough time looking back. It felt like it's the perfect time to look ahead instead. A new place, new experiences, and a fresh perspective were exactly what I needed. It reminded me that while one chapter of someone else’s life was beginning, mine was too.

I guess that was my way of reminding myself that life keeps moving.

We all have our own timeline. Some people get married earlier. Some focus on their careers. Some travel. Some are still figuring things out. None of that means anyone is ahead or behind.

To my ex and his wife, congratulations. I genuinely wish you both a happy life together.

As for me, I’m looking forward to whatever comes next. I don’t know exactly what my future looks like yet, and I’m okay with that.

Maybe that’s the biggest lesson I learned from all of this: sometimes, closure doesn’t come from a conversation. Sometimes, it comes from realizing that life has already quietly moved both of you in the direction you were meant to go.

And that’s okay.

I just wanted to get this off my chest.

​

7 years ago when I was a 17M, i had a relationship with a 17F girl, I was her boyfriend and only friend, and since she was a foreigner and also my neighbor we quickly got along and she became kinda attached to me.

Things happened and I needed to break up, after couple of weeks, she Took her own life , Somehow I didnt feel anything or at least that's what I kept telling myself, I think the fear of accepting that there's a chance that it was my fault made me ignore and avoid facing it, and thus I spent years not even thinking about it, to the point that I might have even forget about the whole situation, until this year, where I was dealing with a situation and I came across her pictures in my Google photos, when I looked at her, her smile, it felt like being crashed by a wave, like being in a heavy fog that feels kinda wrong and bad. My heart felt heavy, i couldnt help but starts blaming myself, thinking about how things could have been different if I took other decisions, how she could be here or anywhere else happy and alive if I just fought for it.

Now Im doing really okay, and Im wondering if anyone only went through grief years later ? Or was it a unique personal experience for me.

ok so disclaimer. both my parents ARE in my life and i love them very very much. my father is an amazing dad and i truly love him so much. he’s present and loving and kind and funny. so i’m saying all of this to add context. anyway.
my parents married when they were in their early 30s with absolutely no intention of having kids. both of them have troubled families so having kids just wasn’t in the cards. well, my mom was approaching 40 and i guess wanted a kid. in comes me. my dad still wanted no children which is valid. i personally do not want kids. she essentially told him “either you and i have a kid or we divorce.” they ended up divorcing anyway and it was soooo messy (entirely my mother’s fault mind you). but knowing im a product of an ultimatum is seriously messing with my head. my dad has assured me so many times he’s not angry and doesn’t regret anything and he very much loves me. i just feel horrible even though it isn’t even my fault, you know? i have ocd and so im spiraling horribly about if im a bad person for even existing or if my parents never met it would’ve been better. it’s a lot. idk.

Never in my life I thought my dad would end up pursuing an influencer lifestyle, and even less one where he ends up posting only ai slop. I don’t know, at the beginning I was supportive because he has a lot of experience in certain areas and thought that he would post lessons about that. However, he starting to post certain content related to personal growth but for women and I don’t know, I just wanted to get off my chest the fact that I don’t like his posts because they are:
1. Made entirely with Ai (which is easily noticeable and looks like slop)
2. I liked the idea of “ok, he knows how a woman, for example, can present herself into these areas” and bla bla bla, but he does it in a way that always antagonizes men.
I will probably add more edits to this post but I just wanted to get this off from my chest: dad I just wish u stayed in your job, I admired and liked what u were doing before and do not support nor admire what you do now. I, in fact, find it sad and I feel worried about who he has become.

I'm really really sad. I've been seeing this guy who is in his sixties, which is really weird cause of my age, but he fascinates me and I admire him and I don't wanna get into it too much. But anyway, I was really falling for him, he's so smart and interesting, and he likes to take care of me. We were seeing each other long distance for 7 months but I finally realized he was probably lying about his impending divorce from his wife. He is manipulative and I truly believed him all that time until recently, but I should've known, and I feel like an idiot. I am an idiot.

I just called him to end it and said I'm worried he's been lying to me about leaving his wife/that they've really been separated (for two years), and that I dislike how sometimes he's really dismissive of me. Usually he showers me with attention and affection, but sometimes he totally ignores me and it makes me feel insane. He got really angry and said some hurtful things, and that he's been planning something big for me and so I really fucked up by doing this now, and that of course he's really separated and I'm crazy for thinking otherwise (but he refused to prove it or let me go to his house still), and he hopes I'm happy he's never going to speak to me again. Then he hung up on me. I feel totally worthless and discarded.

I struggle with depression already and I'm more depressed now than I've been in a long time, to the point where I'm a bit scared. I'm really ashamed that I was probably the other woman, that I'm 'gross' for falling for someone his age, that I'm stupid and crazy. I feel like I need to give up on having people in my life, and I need to move across the world or something. Maybe I need to go back to the hospital cause I'm kind of freaking out right now. Anyway I just needed to get this out. I'm a mentally ill freak with daddy issues and I feel like he took advantage of that and my admiration for him. Please don't be too cruel. I tried to do the right thing. I don't wanna tell the (only 3 who know about him) friends in my life yet cause I'm so hurt and embarrassed. I guess I want a kind word. I already miss him so much it hurts even though I know I shouldn't. Edit I added a couple details

Last school year, I had the most insufferable personality. I would exaggerate and make up stories for attention, I was annoying as hell, and I would say really, REALLY cringe and weird things. I don't know how I had friends lowkey because the friends I made are really good people. I was sort of funny sometimes? Not anymore though, I'm dry asf. I was already an awkward person, but it became 10x worse when I decided to enroll in online school due to social anxiety. I attended most of that school year online so now my social skills somehow got worse. I lack social awareness. Yesterday, I tried asking a normal question on Reddit and people thought I was being a creep because I worded it badly, even though I didn't have harmful intentions. I used to spend a lot of time in this Discord server and when I left, multiple people there talked horribly about me, thought I was annoying, and thought I was younger than 13. If I'm more immature than a 13 year old I'm cooked. And I try being nice and respectful too. I just do say really cringe things often even though I know to think before I speak. Of course that's all online so it doesn't really matter but there is still how I was in in-person school and those were really bad times. Also the online stuff makes me think I will do bad socially in person too. I think about all this embarrassing stuff a lot and it just makes me feel this dread. I already have awful self esteem issues in other aspects. I'm not ready to socialize...even if I try my best you can really only see things through your perspective so I could think I'm doing fine but since I'm dumb socially I could be doing everything wrong. The solution is to care less of what others think but I just really want friends so I want some people to like me so I'm not super lonely and I don't feel like a loser. I did have a decent social life and I talked with my friends a lot after I left their school but we became more distant cuz that's just how it works when you change schools. I also cringe at my past self cuz I feel like my friends talked bad about me and made fun of me when I left, if I return they will hate me I will be a lonely loser with no friends. I feel like everyone is smarter, more mature, and better than me. Hmm isolating myself is comforting, I should just stop interacting with people besides my parents, not even interact with others online. I feel like the way I talk sounds insanely cringe or stupid.

At a company for a little over two years, ok it wasn’t long but I joined when we had 10 staff and left when there was over 100. My job meant I interacted with everyone in every department, I knew everyone by name, knew what they did and what they were like as a person.

Two years (literally) building from the ground up. A physical building. Its operation. Day to day and events. The lot. My team were located on the floor below the majority of the rest of the staff but I made an effort to be visible and present, as helpful as possible.

It’s one of those industries where people move around regularly, so once or twice a month without fail there would be a goodbye card, a collection or a gift, and a big group get together to say goodbye and wish them well.

I just checked, in 6 months I gave money to 11 different collections.

When I decided to leave, it was on good terms, I had a two month notice period. I made arrangements with all the different teams and departments I worked with on a succession plan. My team went for a meal a few days before I left and we did our goodbyes on the last day.

Today I realised for me that was it. I got a card, signed by the 3 people who reported to me.

Today I realised I walked out on my last day and nobody said goodbye. Nobody cared enough to even walk down one set of stairs to say goodbye.

I thought I got on well with pretty much everyone. I tried to be helpful and do by job to the best of my ability. I meant literally nothing to anyone there. It’s not about the money, it’s that I don’t think anybody noticed me going. Or they didn’t care.

I’m not in a good place today as it is but fucking hell this has hit me really fucking hard.

I guess that’s my venting done tonight fml

I didn't think I was capable of so much hate towards somebody, but it was different last night at 1:00 (so technically this super early morning? idk). I think it's been a while since I've hated myself SO much, and it's all coming back.

I had an exam before in the morning, and I wrote down such bullshit and couldn't even write down much either. I focused on certain subjects and failed to focus on others. In addition to that there was some other dumb shit that happened that day, and I don't even want to talk about it because it makes me feel even MORE incompetent than I already am.

I was enough to mess around in highschool and get good grades, but obviously I need a better studying habit, but fuck that because I CAN'T have a good routine. I see people in my university and on study subreddits talking about their studying habits to wake up from like fucking 6:00 in the morning and go to sleep at 22:00-23:00 or some shit, AND they somehow keep up that routine to remain the 10% or whatever tf. Like I CAN'T do that, I CAN'T have a routine because even if I make them, I don't follow through. Routine? The only thing I can do is take care of my teeth twice a day and shower and all the physical stuff lol.

I started studying like 1-2 months before the exam, but every time the progress I make is SLOW, and it's so inefficient because there's no pressure. But then when there IS pressure because it's so damn close to the exam, I fold like a weak stupid idiot, and even though I study, I start crying when I look at the contents and ultimately waste my fucking time.

I'm in a good university, and my parents make good money. So I need to do something about it instead of wasting my time. I talk to my mom about my worries, but I never actually go deeper into it and just kind of scrape the surface because I have experience with telling them how I actually feel and not getting any sort of support but rather "You're a disappointment," "You're a shallow whore," or "You should be ashamed of yourself," especially when my mother found out I had a love life with my current partner and I'm so exhausted.

I cannot emphasise how exhausted I am. SO exhausted.

I talked to my partner at night because they offered to stay up for me, but they started getting really sad seeing how much I was hating myself because I'm usually not like this and the only way for me to get over a bad day is to hate myself. I hated seeing them sad but I couldn't just make myself happy either. They were still there for me and kept comforting me, but honestly it was so bad.

After I vented and talked about it with my partner, I did start feeling better. Still, I'm not going to vent about this specific thing to my partner anymore, because he eventually got sad at some point saying how seeing me hate myself made him very sad. I could see he was doing his best to comfort me by giving me words of affirmation, but only for me to cut those off and continue hating myself. So, my bad, again. Just more hate for me, right? Because I now made the love of my life sad. He even went further and said he needed to work on himself more because he wanted to comfort me better.

Fuck. Me.

I don't know how I even got to this guy.

I got into that university without putting in any effort, and I feel stupid for it. There were many people who wanted to get in and didn't, and of all people, I did. 'Lucky' is a good way to put it, but then again I got in through an atypical way since there are obviously multiple ways to get into uni. So yeah, did I REALLY put in any effort? I don't know anymore.

Just one bad day and I'm going crazy. It says a lot about how stupidly weak I am, and I can't do one thing right.

NOTE: Yeah don't tell me to go to fucking therapy please. It's a luxury, and school counselling is full and I have ONE MORE WEEK FULL OF EXAMS. Then the school semester just ends, so yeah, don't even. I'm thinking about going to coaching school to keep up and go beyond school content to get to my goal because this clearly isn't working and I need to force myself to work.

The sad part is there was once a time where I liked studying and learning, and that was when I had good teachers with a loving community. But you can't really rely on others for extended periods of time, and I need independence.

TLDR: I hate myself because I had multiple bad things happen in a day and I can't get myself straight.

I'm 19 . Lately I've been feeling mentally exhausted, lonely, and overwhelmed because of studies and some stuff at home.

Today I finally tried to tell my girlfriend that something was wrong. She asked what happened, and instead of feeling relieved, I felt - pressured.

Not because of anything she did. I just suddenly felt like I had to explain everything clearly why I feel this way, what's causing it, how long it's been going on. My mind went blank.

So I ended up making it sound like it was something small and changed the topic. Now I'm frustrated with myself.

I dk if anyone else experiences this, but I hate the pressure of having to be "clear" about my emotions. It feels like unless I can explain everything perfectly, I shouldn't say anything at all

It fucks my mind that ik everything to say , wht I'm feeling, wht r my thoughts but I just dk how to put it into words , and the fear of judgement..

Is this normal? How do you open up when you don't even know where to begin. It's so lonely...

i’m so tired of having anxiety. sometimes it causes me to lash out in fear or do other stupid shit, and i get stressed and overwhelmed very easily. breathing or mind exercises dont work. when there’s a problem, i can’t think about anything else until it’s solved, my heart will race and my legs will get shaky, my chest gets cold, i won’t be able to sleep or eat, and i just can’t relax until there’s no problem. i haven’t eaten anything for over 24 hours now. i’m so tired, i wish i had someone to talk to irl, and to hug and comfort me. even just a heating pad would be nice but i can’t find mine anywhere. i’m so so anxious and i need comfort but nobody is available

I have had this friend since we were 15 and I thought I’d be around him forever. he made my trauma his own and used it as an excuse to be shitty and then told me to hold him accountable, and THEN got upset when I did. I don’t think I want be around this anymore.