At a company for a little over two years, ok it wasn’t long but I joined when we had 10 staff and left when there was over 100. My job meant I interacted with everyone in every department, I knew everyone by name, knew what they did and what they were like as a person.

Two years (literally) building from the ground up. A physical building. Its operation. Day to day and events. The lot. My team were located on the floor below the majority of the rest of the staff but I made an effort to be visible and present, as helpful as possible.

It’s one of those industries where people move around regularly, so once or twice a month without fail there would be a goodbye card, a collection or a gift, and a big group get together to say goodbye and wish them well.

I just checked, in 6 months I gave money to 11 different collections.

When I decided to leave, it was on good terms, I had a two month notice period. I made arrangements with all the different teams and departments I worked with on a succession plan. My team went for a meal a few days before I left and we did our goodbyes on the last day.

Today I realised for me that was it. I got a card, signed by the 3 people who reported to me.

Today I realised I walked out on my last day and nobody said goodbye. Nobody cared enough to even walk down one set of stairs to say goodbye.

I thought I got on well with pretty much everyone. I tried to be helpful and do by job to the best of my ability. I meant literally nothing to anyone there. It’s not about the money, it’s that I don’t think anybody noticed me going. Or they didn’t care.

I’m not in a good place today as it is but fucking hell this has hit me really fucking hard.

I guess that’s my venting done tonight fml

I broke up with my ex seven years ago (a long time I know). We’ve both moved on but recently I was reflecting on how I acted toward the end of our relationship and felt extremely shitty and guilty. We dated for about four years and were pretty young. It was my first real relationship and his first serious one. I was 21 when i ended the relationship. For the last year and half of it I had off and on thoughts about breaking up. He was often cold, dismissive, and rude to me and people around me. I went back and forth in my mind on if he was a nice or mean person and anytime I’d address concerns he’d improve and be nice to me for awhile.
His dad found out he had cancer and I basically tried to push thoughts of breaking up out of my mind. I didn’t want to be the asshole that broke up with him while he was dealing with that, even though he always acted like everything was fine.

What makes me an asshole is different. His dad’s health got better - he got a transplant and went into remission. My thoughts of breaking up wouldn’t go away and I felt kind of detached from him. I hung out with a male friend from work a few times platonically and kind of felt feelings of attraction. I never physically cheated but I made poor judgment calls that I would never make in a relationship today. I went to a music show with the friend and went swimming at the river till really late. He asked me if I saw myself marrying my bf and I remember responding “I used to think so, but recently no.” He took me out for drinks on my 21st bday and I got too drunk and slept in his bed so I wouldn’t drive home. We did not touch/cuddle/etc. literally slept on completely opposite sides of the bed and never physically touched. I started thinking this male friend treated me better than my ex. I felt like I was just noticing all the things I disliked about my ex more and felt anxious around him all the time. I eventually called for a break bc I was too afraid to break up. Did not hang out with the male friend at all during the break. We got back together but I knew I still wanted to break up. My ex started acting better toward me, was super loving, and really seemed to want to put in the effort to make things work. I was cold and standoffish. I ended up fully breaking up with him. I told him I needed a month no contact to sit with my feelings, which we did. I hung out with my male friend and slept with him several weeks after the breakup. It felt completely wrong and I felt disgusted. I got my things back from my ex. I continued to see the male friend even though I had mixed feelings about what had happened. We started dating a few months later. The relationship never felt right but it was covid and I felt nervous to end it and I eventually broke up with him too several months later.

Basically thinking back on the way things played out, I was an asshole. I wasn’t considerate of my exs feelings. I basically emotionally cheated and he probably thinks that I physically cheated on him. I probably am the villain in his story and I probably deserve that. It was a shitty way to end a 4 year relationship and it was no way to treat someone I loved so much.

I knew this guy at my gym who was older than me. And one day he asked why I don't have a girlfriend or anything. Told him I'm just now finishing college and live with my mom. And I enjoy being with her especially since I have my Math degree and I'm finally earning some real money. He asked what I did with it. I said mostly just save it and spend some on my mom.

He said once I have a wife I'll be spending it all on her. I told him I'm going to spend it responsibly. And I'll still take care of my mom. He said your wife is your number one priority and your mom should live her own life separately. I told him my mom will live with me and my brother her whole life. My mom did so much for me and it's the least I can do. But that my wife will be taken care of as well.

Dude started lecturing me etc. Told him to do his own thing. And live and let live

I came to the gym like few hours ago. Some other guy who knew him and me started to talk. Basically his wife left him. She's now dating her colleague, they live in his house, and he pays her alimony. He pays for his wife to sleep with another man in his house. Shit got so bad he moved back into his house with his parents.

The "wife over mom" guy is now divorced basically living with his mom. I wanted to laugh but laughing at others misery is terrible.

Wonder how he feels now about that shit tho.

Edit: this shit happened in a pretty quick window so I don't know how oblivious this guy has been tho? I just came back from vacation as well.

Never in my life I thought my dad would end up pursuing an influencer lifestyle, and even less one where he ends up posting only ai slop. I don’t know, at the beginning I was supportive because he has a lot of experience in certain areas and thought that he would post lessons about that. However, he starting to post certain content related to personal growth but for women and I don’t know, I just wanted to get off my chest the fact that I don’t like his posts because they are:
1. Made entirely with Ai (which is easily noticeable and looks like slop)
2. I liked the idea of “ok, he knows how a woman, for example, can present herself into these areas” and bla bla bla, but he does it in a way that always antagonizes men.
I will probably add more edits to this post but I just wanted to get this off from my chest: dad I just wish u stayed in your job, I admired and liked what u were doing before and do not support nor admire what you do now. I, in fact, find it sad and I feel worried about who he has become.

[I apologise for my bad typing im shaking and im so upset]

On my balcony there has been an ongoing pigeon war between me and them where I will have to jump in and out of my apartment because when I go to water all my plants, I will be attacked and such.

They have been pooping in all my plants, stepping on them ruining them whatever. Before this I was okay with them being there because I didnt want to harm them or anything. Then the eggs started so I called a bird sanctuary and I was told that I should "remove" the eggs ... kill them. I couldnt do it then.

I didnt want to hurt them but today I got attacked even though I was on the other side of the balcony caring for my plants by mom and dad bird so I got fed up and felt like I was finally going to remove the eggs because im tired of my balcony being pooped on [i have fake grass so its impossible to clean really] and I was tired of my plants being crushed [very selfish I know] so I threw them over the edge very inhumanely because my boyfriend said they wouldnt feel it and I have to be honest about this because im the worst person in the world. Reading online now I could've freezer them and I know this now.

But I didnt. Im stupid. I saw the blood of the egg and just burst into tears realizing what I had done. The anger subsided and I realized how stupid I was being by not researching first.

This affected me more personally as I consider pigeons my spirit animal... clearly not.

Im just so angry. The mom is sitting where the eggs used to be and im just sitting here wondering what bad thing is going to happen to me. My 19th birthday is soon and I cant stop thinking about how I dont even deserve a birthday because I ruined the bird mom's life and she will probably now forever attack me. And its her right to do so.

In the end, I feel like I did this for nothing since shes still there and I basically am an egg murderer now. Everyone is telling me its okay but its NOT. its not okay

So, I don’t really have anyone else to tell this, (just my bf, but he is involved in this, so i already know his version)

But, a few years ago, my best friend and boyfriend were best friends (like just the two of them, they were like siblings, and super compatible). Then, my boyfriend fucked up and she took distance from him, and stop being friends. Which was worse for me in the sense that every birthday, or milestone I achieve where they were there to support me, ended up being a super uncomfy situation. As they ignore each other, and divide in groups in my parties.

For contex, my bf and I are long distance, so I just see him once a month for a week, or sometimes less. There are times where I had to be at the same time with them. For example, a month ago, we had a camping trip planned bc another friend from other state came to visit (best friend of my bf, and best friend of her) so everyone gathered to see him, and went camping together. Everytime we are in the same place, she ignores my bf, and me. Then, after my bf goes back home, everything comes back to normal, and she starts to treat me like her best friend again.

Anyway, in my last birthday party, my boyfriend told me that she had asked him to invite her to dinner so they could talk. Then, he told me he sent her a message, and she ghosted him (again, its like the third time this happens), and he got really mad, and started to despise her as she cannot communicate.

Then, fast forward : she told me another similiar situation with another friend in which she hasn’t be assertive enough to tell the other friend that she doesnt want to see him, nor hang out with him. So i told her to please be direct because it wasnt fair for him. (there is more to that story, that friend also fucked up, so she is not completely in the wrong), but she kept leading him.

After saying it she got dissmissive to me, which got me mad. Then I told her that it wasnt the first time this has happened, as she did the same with my boyfriend, and she answered:
"I told him i didnt want anything with him anymore"

And im like, do you think im stupid? It’s completely a lie.
And you might ask, why don’t you believe her? Well, because I have been with my bf for six years, and i met him before her, and has never lied to me. But she has lied in the past.

Then I answered her "well, okay, i dont know whats true or isn’t. I wasnt there, and i dont want to inquire much, as this topic still pains me. I dont know if you forgot, or not. But you did tell him that. I dont know if you were direct when you told him that you didn’t want anything with him as you did with me, but I’ll make sure now he gets the message, and he doesnt bother you, but please be direct with that other friend so this doesnt happen again"

And the only thing she answered was an reaction emoji of 🤔, and "Well, what can i say, hahah"

What the fuck was that. I feel angry, and sad. I have no other friend I cant talk about this. I need another perspective on why she is running away from things.

She has a tendency to do this, and of course, there is MORE to the story, but it'll take a ton of time to explain. (if you want, i can talk about it, but it is LONG)

But yes, i know my boyfriend fucked up with her, and wanted to fix things and i have been angry with him about that. But i am also angry with her as many people did worse things to her and she forgives them so easily, and also,

I am also furious at her as she explictly told my boyfriend to stay away from him when the problem happened, and then a year later she told him that she was expecting him to keep reaching out to her. And now that he is trying to, she is not open, because its too late.

I don’t get her. I really don’t, she says she misses him, but is acting like this.

I’m her "best friend" but is not honest at all with me. She is not even honest with herself on my topics.

I won’t be asking what should I do, as this is not for me to meddle between them. But I despise when people lie to me, and rn. I’m so angry and sad.

Sorry if something doesn’t make sense, English is not my first language and it has been long since I wrote this much in English🫠

I have only a few friends I guess, sure theres many people in my life right now, but theyre not really too interested in me

I need to hold back so I dont end up babbling about shit I like infront of my friends, even when I have to listen to them constantly

Im always annoying, be it the squeaks or screams I let out sometimes, be it the "cringe" voice acting, be it my inability to read the room, be it just showing up, I'm always interrupting something, and I try so hard to keep myself down and humble

People always assume nothing happened to me when they know me, so they go on about how I don't understand what they go through, I listen to it all, I give my advice, they thank me, they leave, theyre always so uninterested in my life, and I have so much baggage hidden I just feel like I'll hold it in me forever, I've learnt that there's trurly no one who wants to hear about my shity life experiences and I need to understand that

This already hurts a bit but, god, the comments, I had a night out with friends the other day, and we went to a park, theyre all forty something kilograms and I'm 73 kg, so when they started going off about measuring weight on the seesaw, even though I was visibly the biggest, I was sad, I didnt want to, yet I still did, because I knew they didnt mean anything

We also went on those huge circular swings and when I also went in with them instead of just pushing, I heard"I felt the gravity shift, holy" and yeah, I did get embarrassed, he did apologize but I still returned to just pushing because y'know, maybe after that I should realize theres stuff im just not made to do

I feel unwanted, I know a lot of things people say are jokes, but I dont like being called a slut even as a joke, I don't like getting my voice mocked even as a joke, I don't like when people portray me as violent even as a joke

As much of a tomboy I may be, im still sensitive, I wish people realized that just because im big doesnt mean I dont have any feeling or am not fragile

That I don't care that none of my friends came to my first public performance, that none of my friends properly comforted me after I blew up a performance mid stage and spent my night sobbing, I try so so so hard not to care but thats not me, I care too much, I know if I dont like this then I should get new friends but I guess theyre the only ones that tolerate my presence, theyre all I have, and I dont just want to leave them behind over this stupid shit..

I moved abroad to live with my girlfriend. My mom helped me financially a lot to make this happen. I started a business here that's actually doing well if it was just me I'd have enough to live on. Maybe two or three times I would've needed to ask my mom for a bit of help.

But recently I've had to ask for way too much.

My girlfriend doesn't work. I pay for everything rent and bills and all her expenses too. The lease is in her name only (I wasn't there the day it was signed) but I'm the one who fully pay everything now.

The relationship has never been stable. She constantly says she wants to break up that she's sure of it that she hates me. Then a few days later she's talking about our future together and sleeping in my arms all night. This cycle never stops.

I'm in depression. I cry I think about suicide almost every day because I feel like I'm going nowhere in my life. But when she's not in a "let's break up I hate you" phase and we're having good moments and I finally start gaining weight back and working on my business I think "this time it'll be different." So I go back to my mom and tell her it's fine now it's going to work out. And every time it falls apart again and I have to ask for money again either because I can't focus on my business anymore or because I have to prepare to move out and give up the apartment. And then things get better again and I go back to my mom to say it's fine now and that I need a bit help to launch everything again.

I've always protected my gf. I've told my mom it's my fault. I even lied and said my girlfriend found a job that it was actually me mismanaging money badly.

Today I called my mom and she told me straight up not to ask her for anything to fuck off and that she warned me last time and that she won't even buy me a plane ticket home.

And today my girlfriend told me it's over that I need to leave. We live together but again the lease is in her name. She has no job but tells me she could message one guy and have everything paid for.

She's cheated on me multiple times. She puts me through emotional whiplash constantly. And no matter what happens in her eyes I'm always the one who ruined her life she puts everything on me while I'm the only one taking responsibility for anything.

My mom has drained her savings supporting a relationship that's going nowhere and that's given me depression because deep down I know there's better out there but I keep clinging to someone I hope will change and she never does. Every tiny change gets me hoping again and then nothing changes.

I'm exhausted. Exhausted of this world of the injustice of giving everything and getting nothing back of being treated like garbage but I feel like garbage too because I keep asking my poor mother for everything.

I've become a loser who lets himself get walked over and manipulated who's constantly afraid his girlfriend will talk to other guys or leave. But she doesn't even love me. She's told me that herself. She's turned her whole family against me.

When she insults me and gets angry at me I ask her to stop. She never stops. She insults me more mocks me and laughs at things I say tells me she doesn't care and it's not her problem that she's already made her decision. And if I raise my voice back she grabs her phone to film me and edits the sensitive moments and sends them to her sister. Sometimes she fake cries while recording and the second she stops the camera she laughs and says "see I have proof against you."

She makes my life unbearable. But why am I so stupid the second she stops being awful I turn back into her.

I hate myself. And I hate her too and I'm sorry for my mom.

I turn 30 soon. I am coming to terms with my mediocrity. I am not good at a single thing. A single thing. I did my master's in Europe hoping to settle down, but now I have been unemployed for a year, and I tanked my wife and family's money away. They are supportive but are surely disappointed in me. I don't know what I will do with my life. I have all these ideas but no drive to do them. I just sit there consciously wasting my life away. I dont want pity. I don't even want consolation. I just don't know my path in life. I am so lost, and I just need to know how to start over. Every day I try to escape the feeling like I am so fucked and its starting to weigh on me. My dad has cancer and the life my wife wants for us seems to be a life that I don't want. I just feel horrible all the time. This was not how my life was supposed to go. How do I come to terms with this?

For context I'm 18m and I hate my body for so many reasons it actually makes me so mad, mostly because my joints are super weak wich limits me so much in sports, fitness or my construction job, I'm very tall at least 1m90 but also very skinny around 75kg, I'm grateful to be tall but when I was 15 I was so muscular like 80-85kg for 1m80 Wich is crazy but again I got a joint injury in my shoulders and elbows Wich means I can't lift too heavy I mean I healed a lot but I got a long way to go, I also do mma and I was great but didn't have time to compete and I got the injury the moment I was ready to compete and I genuinely had the potential to go pro my coach legit begged me to compete but the injury ruined it,now I became a lot worse but been progressing but we have a new coach and he has huge animosity towards me so no way he lets me compete I'll have to change clubs. Same goes for swimming but I'm not even in a club. But the worse is how skinny I became and how much strength and performance at sports I lost I genuinely get so made when I think about it

Not only that I also have a lot of medical conditions like I was legit deaf until I was 5 or 6 years old or something so I learned to speak very late, my jaw was terrible back then I always used to choke while eating my nose would always bleed and to this day it does every two years I have to go to the hospital to get it fixed or I bleed at least 3 time a day I used to hit panic attacks out of nowhere I used to spit blood out of nowhere but all that taught me how to thug it out

And again I hate my joints always been so weak I remember back then I would get disrespected and would often end up in fights I got inso many fights that to this day my right wrist is weakened but if I'll work harder like I always did and come out on top and thug it out like always

Thanks for reading hoping I get jacked again and go pro in my 2 sports

I'm 25. I'm a trans woman in Middle East, closeted.

I recently confessed to my crush and got rejected. It hurts. It fucking hurts. This isn't even the first time I've been rejected. First time I was 16. I told a long time crush of mine about my feelings and could barely even remember me. Three years later I told a classmate of mine about my feelings for him, and again, I was rejected. Even made fun of; because I presented as a guy and he was a guy too (It's a super queerphobic country).

Years passed. I've finished second semester of university just recently (Couldn't go to uni for years because of my severe mental health problems + abusive family + mandatroy military service). I've come out to all my classamtes and am pretty social in my university.

I confessed to my crush two weeks ago, and it was devastating. I honestly don't know what I was thinking. It was fucking obvious she'd reject me. Why the fuck wouldn't she? I'm a nerdy, boring, mentally ill, super talkative trans woman. I'm broke and poor. I'm mid looking. I buy the cheapest clothes. She's super attractive. She buys the best fashion. She's rich af. Why THE FUCK would she even consider me as a potential partner? She can have whoever the fuck she wants (both guys and girls, considering she's bi).

I'm genuinely not suitable for a romantic relationship. Sure, I'm probably a good classmate. Maybe a good friend too. But there's no fucking way someone as good and flawless as her would ever even consider me. What on EARTH was I even thinking when I messaged her?

Yeah I've tried some dating apps. And all I've got were 30 or 40 yr old something men in whom I had zero interest.

There's absolutely no way you, or anyone can convince me that "I wIlL fInD mY rIgHt pErSoN oNe DaY". No. Shut up. I don't wanna find my person when I'm fucking 40. I've NEVER been in a relationship and I'm having a hard time believing it's just because I'm unlucky. Fuck all this. Fuck this life. I never asked for this. I never signed up for a life in which I'd never be desired by people I like.

I had a masectomy yesterday. I've never had a major surgery before, but have been with others when they have.

I was taken to the OR and the surgeon verbally acknowledged me again. When the anesthesiologist started his part I realized without saying anything she just came over and held my hand.

She made me feel like a person. She made me feel cared for. It was a small gesture but it meant and means all the world to me.

My mom's neglecting me and im so tired. Also an incident that happened today.

I'm a highschool senior, I have been neglected and abused by my family my whole life but I didn't realize I was being neglected till last year. I only eat one meal a day, sometimes two if I'm lucky, i haven't had breakfast properly in ten years. I haven't gotten homemade lunch in my life.

My mom and dad neglect me a lot, I'm always hungry so my friends and boyfriend give me food, my boyfriend makes me food everyday from home and spends all his pocket money on buying me food. It's been like this for 1.5 years now. I had to steal money from my parents to buy myself food before he used to buy me food.

Today, he bought me digestive candy (savoury) that costs ONE CENT in dollars, it costs the lowest denomination of money in my country too, it's basically nothing. Recently, my mom also brought 10 cent chocolates, 2 boxes, all to eat by herself thought she won't admit it. I asked her to just give me 2 of those for school because I get hungry after staying for hours without any food but she blew up in my face and yelled at me, wouldn't give me any food and told me to get out just for asking for two chocolates.

Then while going out I saw the one cent candy on her table, which she stole from me, I had kept it on my bed and I took them, then she came running after me and caused a scene and told me to give back THE **ONE CENT** CANDY SHE **STOLE** FROM ME! I was so mad and wouldn't give it back so she grabbed my hand and I got scratched and later I saw it was bleeding. I'm so upset because I have been born into this unempathetic family who can't even care about their own children. I have an exam tomorrow and haven't studied enough but I feel so sad and upset I have to sit and write this because I have nobody much to tell this to.

They always say if you get rejected, be cool and courteous. Seemingly that doesn’t apply if you’re the one doing the rejecting.

A while ago I was ‘rejected’ by a coworker who reciprocated interest early. We texted, talked frequently, and when asked out she told me she’d love to. (I work in a very high school like environment)

She cancelled the first time, I waited a few weeks, tried again and she gave me her reasons for saying NO was a previous relationship with a coworker that went bad (why the fuck did you talk to me so intimately then???)

Through all of this I went out of my way to be as respectful as possible and NOT make work uncomfortable for her. I told my friends to be EXTRA NICE.

I continued to talk with her despite my strong feelings for her, and slowly died it down until one day she texted me and I didn’t respond.

Today, I saw her and made a totally friendly/warm comment about seeing her dog on Instagram and she scoffed, looked away, and didn’t even acknowledge me. Before this, she literally smiled and engaged enthusiastically with my friends in front of me!

I feel so fucking humiliated and disrespected. I can accept rejection on the outside and not hold a grudge; I accepted her decision and stepped away for her own respect.

But never in a fucking million years would I be so inconsiderate of a person I KNOW and HAS SHARED feelings for me. She could have nodded, smiled, or said ‘ok’ but she completely ignored me as a person in front my friends.

Every rejection story is telling the person who was REJECTED to be respectful, but no one ever mentions how cruel the person doing the rejecting can be.

The confusion of my feelings aside F this person and I’m glad I got ‘rejected’ because that was by and large one of the most hurtful experiences of my life and I can quite literally see no reason to do this to another person.

If in the one in the million chance u are the skinny sad blonde girl reading this, I truly meant it when I say with 100% of my being kindly, go fuck yourself.

I met him online and he's been the only person to listen to me properly. He's 21 which is kind of sketching me out, but I'm desperate and lonely and I just want someone to listen to me again. I don't want anything but talking to happen, I'm bringing spray deodorant since I can't have pepper spray or bear spray, but it should still hurt a lot if it gets in his eyes if he tries anything

In the early 2000s and 2010s I was an active person in trapping pedos. I would essentially do the texting part of TCAP. I did it in my free time and felt amazing when I would report an individual to the FBI. It was my small part. My dad was a SVU officer in OSI and kind of led me through the process. I never saw anything but weird creepy older men (and a few females). It was always me (an adult) getting evidence on adult people who were openly trying to hurt minors.

Two weeks ago I thought I would try it again since it's become such an issue on various sites. But this time I fully went knowing I was going to find, report and see their downfall. I was told that X has seen a rise in grooming/ CP activity so I went and made an account. I did what I normally did and set up a face and posture. Soon I had found the buzzwords people had talked about coming across. Common words that you would stumble upon while doing casual scrolling. I also found that X is not the main issue-- it is the vehicle for all of this. They are making accounts and posting Telegram chats where things can be sold. You buy a shitty ai pic and it gives you a code. That code is then given as a password. Or you request and they give. Just like that. It's not even trying to be hidden and I don't feel like anything is being done about it.

Never before in any of my years of doing this had I seen ANYTHING explicit with the people I was trying to help. But all of a sudden I was seeing bad bad things. This wasn't even with clicking on any links or probing any accounts. I was seeing things in COMMENT sections. I was seeing things opening on accounts that were not banned.

I did what I could and reported what I saw. About 10% were pushed back to me as not an issue. Profile pics of kids doing things, links to sites where you can purchase. They were pushed back to me as 'not a break in guidelines.'

I feel like a monster. I saw things I probably will never be able to forget. And I searched for it. I looked for it (although with good intentions) I still looked and I saw.

I see posts about people accidentally coming across this kind of thing on X. Let me tell you, that's a lie. You need to go to very specific places, use very specific terms to find these things. It's not just porn words, words you would use to look up a hot Latina or petite woman.

I feel so broken and like a shadow of myself after these two weeks. I feel dirty? At least with my past experience I was the one being put through things and I never felt this dirty.

It pisses me off and I want to do more but legitimately I don't think my heart or my stomach can take it. I want these people to suffer. It's worse than I thought and I was only digging for 2 weeks. I want to make a group that literally goes after these people but I don't have it in me. They need to suffer a lot more than I am capable of.

The thing that finally broke me was seeing a kid who looked almost exactly like my nephew. Dead eyes, being forced to do something so heinous. I know it's not my nephew but it snapped something in me. I can't look at people the same anymore, let alone kids. I always wonder what if they are being hurt, what if I could save them if I kept digging and kept reporting. But I didn't. I had to step away for me. But they need help.

I'm struggling.

It started in high school when we were 15 and went on throughout college. I am a female. My memories have been coming back since April 2023 and everyday things are returning. A lot of what I went through happened at school. And for years, I knew I was bullied because I remembered being insulted a lot... but I forgot the worst of it because of how bad it is. I used to think often that things could always be worse, so I didn't complain about what was happening to me. And as I grew up, life only got worse. It was too much for my brain to take because those bastards were relentless and made going after me a part of their lifestyle. Multiple of them have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and several tried to kill me. While going to school with them, I even forgot their names (got amnesia several times and the last time it happened was in 2019 because of two investigators that were having fun making my life hell for not wanting to be in a threesome with them. They lost their jobs and the guy killed himself. The girl has BPD and blamed me for it happening even though they were told to leave me alone and refused to. They sexually assaulted me too.)

But I know their names now. I remember who they are and what they've done to me. And they weren't even locked up for it. Them thinking I didn't know their names made those cowards more confident. The slander those pos started when we were 15 escalated to the point where two people killed themselves. There is so much crazy stuff that went on, as the memories were coming back, I wrote down what I could. There were 2 catalysts at school that made so much spiral to what it came to and they both have BPD. I don't even want to call them a woman or a man because of how I remember them and they just kept coming around to make my life hell with their friends and family over the years we went to school.

I'll call the female F and the male B. F talks a lot and has a lot of friends and multiple of them were slandering, stalking, and harassing me too. Witchcraft was even done to me because of M that's friends with them since there was a guy Z (there's another Z who I'll call Z2 if mentioned later...) that liked me and she was really interested in him (she was also interested in B). M tried to kill me with it (this wasn't the only thing that was done to try taking my life) and slandered me to other witch friends she had so they would also do the same. She was a cheerleader and was "boy crazy" you could say. And I didn't want to be with anyone. And I am still not interested in being with anyone intimately, especially because of what happened. Back then, the idea of it scared me because I wasn't used to being close with people. And because I was shy. But F and B slandered me as if I was a whore when I never was. B acted like I was with him when I wasn't and got others in on doing it too to me. F's friends were also acting like I was a whore. But they were the ones that had been with multiple people already. R even became pregant in her later teens and didn't know who the father is, yet yelled at me for hugging people, trying to embarrass me in front of others at college. This backfired on her because some that hugged me were there and said it's just hugging... R also tried to embarrass me for not knowing their names even though she knew I didn't remember because of the amnesia. She is best friends with F.

When they found out I didn't remember them it was when we were at college when I was being gang stalked. Several of F's cousins were in a gang (along with B, Z, Z2 (he was the leader), and another R that's a male. They wanted me staying around them. I don't know why. But maybe it had to do with them having fun ruining my name. Multiple of them lied about me being with them sexually when I wasn't) and F found out from one of her cousins telling her. Then F, R (the one that's best friend's with F) and a group of other stalking assholes crowd by me and ask me about if I remember them. I didn't get a good feeling about them and knew a bit still... but it didn't stop those psychopaths from telling me I did things to them first and that I deserve what they're doing to me. I remember F and R smiling in my face as they lied, trying to brainwash me. F, R, E, and M always seemed to want to try outdoing eachother with the evil they were doing to me. I was blamed for things I never even did. And I didn't fall for what they were saying because I know I didn't do or say those things. If someone insulted me, I did learn to insult them back. Then assholes acted like I insulted them first. But they loved to insult people themselves and act like I was the one that said it. A lot of times, it was done to people I didn't even know or speak to. F and R both have BPD. And F first slandered me in high school to R because she wanted to impress her. Then R soon joined in on it. And then they both went around, slandering me to who they wanted.

F, R, M, and E also stalked me, wanting to see who I was getting along with so they could ruin whatever friendship could have happened. They dictated who I could be around without me even knowing this was happening for a long time. If they thought someone looked good, they didn't want me being friends with them, and lied to them about me insulting them. If they thought someone didn't look good, then they were fine with me being friends with them. And if they also treated me badly, then they thought it was even better. And there were a few times in college where they slandered a couple of friends I had just because they were friends with me. They got harassed as well. One even more so than the other because she didn't die while going to school. The other friend of ours died in a car crash some weeks after I met her... I remember them being kind and fun to hang out with. When I found out they were harassed because they were friends with me, I blamed myself for it. And the friendship with the remaining one did get ruined because of those lying assholes. R also told me years before this in high school that if I told anyone what they were doing, they would just say that I'm lying. I wasn't even thinking of telling because I knew I wouldn't be believed. I was always outnumbered. So I knew it wouldn't work...

When those assholes were asking me about my memory in college, I didn't remember a lot of the worst of what happened. Like when I had been drugged in our first year of college by F's cousin RJ. RJ, Z, and F were there for it. I was knocked out from drinking something (since I've never been drugged before this, I didn't think something like this would happen. I was 18). But I was in a sleep where I could still hear and feel what was happening around me (I used to pass out in school sometimes and it was always like that when it happened. Being aware of what was happening). RJ and Z (both guys) held me up so I wouldn't fall out of the chair. And I was laid down on something. Then felt someone touch my leg. This turned out to be F. Before drinking anything, I was being interrogated by F. She was acting like the R that's a male died and wanted to see if I cared. But this R was another bastard to me and bullied me for years. He even SA me later. But I didn't know his name at the time... so when she brought him up, I just thought it sucked that someone died that's in the same year as us. And after waking up, I did cry a bit... I told them that it takes a while for me to hurt sometimes. But after waking up was when things usually hit me. So RJ turns around and gets a drink ready for me. And conveniently has something with him to put me to sleep. I remember the drink looked like water. And when I asked if anyone else wanted some, they said no. And just continued staring intently at me. It was weird. I was also thinking it was weird that I'm being told R died and the three of them are just blankly watching me as F questions me with the usual attitude she has. If I knew who R was though, I don't think I'd have really cared since he was an asshole to me. But he and other stupid tormentors wanted me caring about them despite what they were doing to me. F wanted to find out how I felt about R because he talked to her about it. Them wanting me caring about them will never not be stupid to me.

B is one of the ones that sexually assaulted me in college with the male R. There were several times where things happened... Because of how badly slandered I was, people were believing whatever they heard of me. And B was using this to his advantage by telling me people will believe him to try getting me to actually be with him. He also said if I refused then he would tell people I did more with him anyway. I tried getting out of it and was thinking of how to. I remember R also telling me something about not making this harder than it has to be. I also told them you're so fucked up while crying during this...

I also have to say, that during this time, there were multiple tormentors with BPD that were slandering me. It even reached the guy in charge of who gets suspended or expelled and he didn't like me because of the slander. I wasn't only slandered for being a whore despite not being one, but so many loved to act like I was insulting people I didn't even know. My main tormentors have BPD and projected themselves onto me. They were coming up with insults and using me as the scapegoat. They kept on getting new people in on what they were doing. And there were a couple new people with BPD that joined in making my life worse. Like the lookalike said in this post. And a girl in a class with her bf. Because I thanked her bf and smiled at him for helping to clear my name a bit (the evil lookalike was slandering me elsewhere when I was in the same class as them and he said I wasn't over there), she thought I wanted him. So she goes crazy about this and slanders me to her friend and some guys that work in front of the library who people can report problems to. They also slandered me to the higher up... which resulted in him later telling me that if something happens to not go to him for help.

If you're wondering why I went to this college, it was because it was the closest college to home. And my older brother was going there and my mom wanted me going there. They didn't know about what was happening because I didn't talk about it. So me going to another college would've made it more troubling for who was driving us to school. And another thing the gang was telling me was to leave (quit school). I went through so much already there, so the idea of leaving would have meant all of it was for nothing...

B and R tell me that the higher up told them they can do what they want to me. So with all of this hell happening (when I would go to college, I would always get stalked and harassed and it was doing my head in. I already had depression and anxiety since I was a kid, so this made it even worse) ...I eventually gave into the coercion. From what I remember, the coercion with the two of them happened twice. And after threatening me and saying he wouldn't tell, he told people anyway, along with adding more to it that didn't happen, and the next time I was at school, those two came up to me with more from that gang along with E (friends with F, R (female), M, etc) and they proceeded to call me a whore, pathetic, stupid... I had a panic attack because I really thought I was a whore even though I am a virgin. Those two only did things to my feet. That's it. And the first time, I said they can only look. The second time, B wanted more and said he would slander me more if it didn't happen. My name was already horribly defamed and I didn't want more happening. So I stupidly gave into it. It was only to my feet. No other part of me was touched. But after that, when they ganged up on me once again and were calling me more insults, I remember going to my knees and starting to cry. I really believed I was a whore. I was shaking so much. And even threw up in front of them. But this didn't stop those evil pos. E even told me she almost feels sorry for me. Remembering this now, I know that I'm not a whore. It's fucked up that so many that are actual whores and pos were calling me what they are. They are psychopaths that didn't know how to leave me alone. I only got away from them because I graduated.

I was 23 when I was SA by them like this. And I was 15 when I politely rejected him several times. He has bpd and was obsessed with me throughout high school and college. He believed I deserved him slandering, harassing, stalking, and sexually assaulting me because I didn't want to be with him. And because I later wanted him and the others tormenting me to die. There was a crazy lookalike of me that went around saying she was me and telling people she wants them to die. She has bpd too and was mad I didn't want to be friends with her because I found out from her she has fun being mean to people. I don't like this. So I stopped the friendship. We did get along well a lot of the time before... and I was actually getting mistakened for her by who she was mean to and was randomly insulted by people for it. It happened about 10 times. She also said she got mistakened for me and thought it was fair (even though it's not because the one that mainly targeted her was doing it because she couldn't find me. This female is called E. She got expelled for constantly harassing her (I was told it went on for months but it may have only been weeks?) and always had fun tormenting me. E would just randomly come up and accuse me with lies (she told me she has bpd when we were 15 and because her friends F, M, R (R is another evil bitch) slandered me to each other, she became more fervent in targeting me along with them (and more that haven't been mentioned). I had to deal with dozens of people harassing me at school. The defamation of character was so bad it even followed me outside of it and the two investigators mentioned above got involved. And I don't think they could have sent worse investigators for the job because those two made my life even worse despite knowing a lot of what had happened and was happening to me. The guy wanted to kill me because he lost his job FOR HARASSING, STALKING, SLANDERING, AND SAING ME, but because I ended up forgetting who they are, he felt bad and killed himself instead. I was told I can trust him before this happened since people around where we live saw the three of us together. They knew where I worked, went to school, lived, and regularly sat in front of my home to see when I left and follow so they can continue harassing me. And I was called stupid, pathetic, and ugly by them a lot even though they wanted me with them.

Another crazy thing is that I've had so many dreams having to do with what happened to me. There were multiple where I was shown who SA me and F is among them. And I saw when I was drugged and touched.

F's family, RJ, their cousins and RJ's stepmom was even going to college and slandering and stalking me with them. She was also there along with the other family members mentioned when I was having a panic attack, calling me stupid, whore, and pathetic with the rest of them. They wanted me marrying into their fucked up family before since RJ lied about me wanting to be with him (and because of a lot of amnesia, more evil with them happened). And F, R (female that's F's best friend), along with M, and E were slandering me to F's family since we were 15. I was 23 when the panic attack at college happened. And it wasn't the only time it happened. There were two other times and it was because of that evil and stupid family that refused to leave me alone. They kept on sending people to bother me by slandering me to them. But then they ended up getting disliked by people because people were seeing them stalk me while calling me stupid, pathetic, and weak. And when I did insult them back, they would look so hurt from it, yet I was being called weak!? A lot of people knew there was a lot wrong with them. They were crazy. All of my tormentors are.

And even though they were doing that to me, they still wanted me with them... And the stepmom even drove F, E, and R to school to harass me on a couple of days. It was after E and R got expelled. E got expelled for not leaving the evil lookalike alone since she couldn't find me and stuck with her because... she has this weird thing for me. And R got expelled from harassing me yet again in front of a lot of people. We were in our early 20s during this. A teacher led her to where the old guy was to expell her. On the way there, she did the usual she does by slandering me to the teacher... Before he went away with her, I told him they've been doing this to me for over 7 years. But after hearing her go on with her lies, it made him wonder if I did something to deserve it. I never did. I was a quiet and shy person at school. But at some point, I did start defending myself. I got sick and tired of the insults, slander, stalking... I have been in martial arts since I was 4. So it came in a lot of use during this time period.

But because of more crazy stuff that happened, the teacher ended up getting fired after someone told on him for later treating me badly. The girl that did it admitted it was her. But despite that, I was still blamed by him for him losing his job. So he decided to stalk and try to kill me because he loved being a teacher. He did care about me before since I wasn't eating. Before being mean at times... We met because I chose to hide in the hallway his classroom happened to be in. I never had him as a teacher. And two other guys I don't know the name of were stalking me because of what RJ told them (F's cousin that drugged me but also wanted me with him for years), so they were acting like they were trying to help me by embarrassing me, saying to random people I don't eat. I did not want any attention and just wanted to be left alone.

It was in front of Winco where the ex teacher acted like he wanted a hug from me, but because I knew he had been stalking me (he had also been trying to humiliate in public by blaming me for him being fired so random people in passing would think I'm horrible), I didn't go to him. He also had his hands behind his back during this. And when he knew I wouldn't go to him, he showed what he was hiding in a hand, which was a knife, and went to stab me. I kicked him in the stomach and disarmed him then held him to the ground. And also tried to talk to him since he started crying and was saying I ruined his life. It wasn't even my fault since I didn't tell on him... but he was saying he wished I never sat in that hall where his class was. And during this, those two investigators that made my life worse were here. Because of what the ex teacher had been looking up, it caused them to look into him and me since he was stalking me and wanted me dead. I was told later on by them that he killed himself at college. And when I brought it up to my brother, he said he heard about someone killing himself...

As for proof of what happened... there are records of expulsions that happened. B got expelled for slandering me yet again, acting like I'm the evil whore that he is, after he wanted my feet again. And said the same lie he did before about if I do it he won't tell. He sat by me in a class when doing this (he had people that would tell him what classes I have, so would join along with another asshole called J at times to stalk and harass me there). I told him no which pissed the stupid devil whore off. So he goes and slanders me again. And this time, people are wanting me to get expelled over all of these lies. RJ, RJ's stepmom, and cousins were still slandering me and also trying to get me expelled, but it backfired on them since they got expelled instead. They also lied about me trying to get them expelled when I wasn't even going around and lying about them, I was doing my best to avoid them and was hiding in the nature trails by the school when my classes weren't happening. I didn't want to be near ANYONE.

So B, RJ, his stepmom, RJ and F's cousins got expelled. R (F's best friend) and E (F, R, M's friend) got expelled. And even after being expelled R and E went with F (who transferred to another college several years earlier) and were brought to school by RJ's stepmom to stalk and harass me. RJ and his cousins were there for this too. And the stepmom told me this is what I get for wasting their time. Because I did not want to marry RJ into this crazy, twisted, and stupid family. Again... he wanted me with him for years. He asked me out multiple times and I politely rejected him like I did with B and Z (he's who M was obsessed with. And he was the first to SA me in school. We were 15). But RJ later lied about me wanting to be with him (which unfortunately did happen for a bit after he lied about it. But if it wasn't for the memory loss, I NEVER would have done that). At 15, he and Z found me crying alone in a classroom. I needed to vent because I was being bullied and didn't usually cry in front of people. So I found somewhere to be alone. But they were looking for me because they usually wanted to know where I was. And since he hugged me back then, it helped me decide to give him a chance later. I also felt bad for him because I did reject him several times already.

Further proof may be in messages or call logs they have. Also a police report on B since he did get arrested after being expelled. He was taken in for SA someone else. And I happened to be there getting training to be an investigator when he appeared (being an investigator fell through because of what the two investigators said in this post have done. There's more crazy stuff that happened with them). The investigaros knew about what happened with B already. But none of us thought he would get detained like this since I didn't even remember the incel's name. But I do now. And he made a post about being in a holding cell only and not making it further than that. It was in 2019 when that happened. And that was when I got amnesia for the last time. Started regaining my memories back in 2023.

There's a lot that hasn't been said yet. And so much of it is hard to believe.

But my life has been horrible because of them. I have ptsd, and my depression and anxiety worsened because of all of those devils. They tried brainwashing me into believing I deserved what happened to me. And several of those crazy devils are nurses now. F and R (the best friends) are a couple of them.

And I remember having dreams about what would happen then having to forget. Even when I was shown that M will get cancer for trying to kill me with witchcraft which did happen after some years. And I recently found out that F's house caught on fire some months ago and was on the news.

I've been remembering everything for a reason. There has to be something that will come from this that will actually be good for me because so much of my life went to hell because of crazy obsessed pos. I'm not the kind of person to be mean or cruel to people for fun. I'm not a sadist like so many of my tormentors are. I didn't deserve this happening to me. And I can't bring myself to end things because... just thinking about them messing up so much of my life, forcing their way into it to damage what they can, I don't want them taking up most of the space in it. And I am forced to remember and ruminate and I hate it because I don't want to think about them. I want them going through what they deserve in full already.

I'm not the kind of person to usually ask for help, but I really need it. And I don't know what to do other than to post like this in the hopes of this maybe taking off which is such a slim chance. But if I want to have some kind of true peace then they need to be known for what they've done and locked up for it.

There's so much written here... I'm sorry for how long it is. And it still isn't even everything. There are more tormentors that weren't even mentioned. A brain scan even happened to me and showed the amnesia and how bad it was. I was given a picture of it, but I can't find where it is because it was years ago when I last saw it. And an investigator paid for it after I wasn't able to remember him or the other investigators that knew about me. I also went back for another look to happen and signs of my brain healing were showing. This happened around May and June of 2019.

It's further evidence of what those stupid devils did to me.

I'm tired of waiting for things to get better. I have done what I could. But I am at a loss of what to do.

If you read all of this then thank you.

While riding my bike in a rural area, slightly away from my village on a flat and safe road, I was talking on a global Discord server. After a while, I got a strange feeling; people started acting weird, and I began to feel like I was being watched. Seeing the village ahead, I decided to turn back.

On my way home, in a deserted spot on the road, I saw a security booth and noticed a computer inside. As I slowed down, I heard a deep voice say: "Biker, leave this place. Biker, get away from here." After experiencing this feeling, I waved my hand and tried to speed away quickly.

As the feeling of being watched grew stronger, I felt as if I was being monitored by cameras or an Overwatch system. I looked up for a drone, but couldn't find one. Engine sounds coming from behind caught my attention, but when I turned around, I saw them speeding away, and this happened three times. Until I reached my village, this feeling gradually faded, and when I arrived at the village, it was completely gone.