I'm (29M). I was dating this woman (28F) for around 6 weeks. We had 7 dates already, texting almost every day. Nothing was official yet but I thought things were going really well. I felt comfortable with her and she also seemed happy every time we met.

Last weekend I asked if she wanted to spend whole Saturday together instead of only dinner. She laughed and said, "Honestly, I like you because we don't have to be together all the time."

Maybe I'm weird but that sentence stayed in my head the whole day. I asked her what she mean by that.
She said she likes having her own life and doesn't want relationship where both people spend all their time together. She said she wants to be someone independent.

I understand that. I don't think couples should be together 24/7 either.

But somehow when she said it, I felt like she was already telling me not to expect too much from this relationship. Like she already had a limit how close she wanted us to be.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. The next day I told her maybe we want different kind of relationship and I think it's better if we stop dating.

She didn't argue. She just said she understands and wished me good luck.
Now my friends all think I made a stupid decision. They said she was just communicating healthy boundary and I read too much into one sentence.

Now I'm questioning myself. Did I overreact because of one sentence? Or was it actually a sign that we wanted different things?

For context, her (F29) and I (M36) have been texting for a couple weeks and last Saturday went out for the first time. We both seemed like we had a great time and spent 3.5 hours together between dinner and walking around a park. When we went our separate ways, we both said we wanted to see each other again. She asked me to text when I got home safely (it was storming and I was going to drive through it), I said I would and asked her to do so as well. She actually texted first and everything seemed fine, but now she’s sending like one text in the morning, not opening my reply all day and then repeating the process the next day. Is it possible she’s genuinely that busy, or am I cooked?

Not really asking for advice because I already know the answer to my question. From my own situation I went from an unattractive nerdy guy in my teens and twenties to a “looksmaxxed” attractive guy in my 30s. An invisible virgin until I turned 30 to now having women approach me or be very receptive when I approach them. Even if they reject me they are still friendly.

Nothing about my personality changed. Deep down I am still that shy unconfident guy due to how invisible I felt to women while growing up and missing out on important life experiences. How they treated me based on my physical appearance went from one extreme (rejecting; ignoring or bullying me) to the other (always flirting and positive interactions).

It somewhat makes me angry when people tell struggling men it’s not their looks. It almost always is. You cannot know that if you were always unattractive; in that case you may be convinced it is something about your personality that is putting women off. Or if you were always the hot guy you may think women like you because you are funny and charismatic.

Only the men who went from one extreme to the other (from very unattractive to attractive or vice versa) will fully understand.

It also applies to women. Hot girls will be treated better than unattractive women but still the difference isn’t as extreme as with men. The “unattractive” girl still will have many suitors whereas for men it feels more like an “all or nothing” situation.

I also know this is a water is wet post but I still believe people underestimate how different the life experiences of a man can be based on how he looks when it comes to women and dating. Growing up unattractive during my crucial development years kinda ruined it for me even if I seem successful today.

I 27F have been single for nearly 5 years now and have been on countless dates. I am asking this as someone who is looking for something serious with a person who is right for me, Im not looking to play games but Im also not going to settle for someone who I dont think is right for me.

The one pattern that keeps emerging is that all the men I like, dont like me and all the men that like me, I dont like.

Its not a case of "oh this guy likes me so Im going to choose not to like him" its just that the less interest I show in them (due to compatibility issues mainly), the more they show in me so I then decide to let them down gently before they get in too deep.

But likewise, I have had guys show a lot of interest in me in the beginning and then when I start to show that I like them back, they start to lose interest. Its not in me to be nonchalant when it comes to dating, Im not the type to act crazy or obsessive but I will outwardly compliment them and say I like them and their company.

Is this something all men experience or is it just the ones who like the thrill of the chase and then once they know they "have me" just discard me?

When I look for a long term partner, I want us both to be as equally and openly into each other but it just seems impossible for that to happen.

So my question is, does a woman showing less interest make you want her more and does a woman showing more interest make you want her less?

My (now ex) gym crush, Fred (28M), asked me out about a week ago. We followed each other on Instagram and I discovered that he had a son. I (28F) was anxious about dating a dad, but he seemed nice in our texts so I decided to go on the first date and know more about it and him in person.

I didn’t like him, at all. I’ll tell you why with just a few examples:

• He arrived 15 minutes late to our date and, laughing, admitted that ten minutes before our scheduled meeting time, he was still in bed. He blamed his roommate for it.
• He would ignore what I said and pivot the conversation back to what he was saying / himself.
• He hasn’t seen his 11-year-old son in five months. The boy lives in another city with his mother and Fred doesn’t speak to her at all. He admitted he only talks to his son “every now and then.” Later, I asked if he’d like more children someday (I want children myself). He said that he doesn’t really like anything related to children…
• He claimed his previous gyms always had “bad vibes” because some would stare at him while he trained. Instead of traditional exercises, he does more explosive ones. I said: “people sometimes stare because they admire you”, and he went, “nah!”
• I asked about whether he got along with the people in his functional training class. He said yes, added that it’s mostly women, and then went on a rant about how other guys avoid the class because training with women makes them feel “less masculine” (nobody told him this; it’s his theory). He finished with, “I am better than them anyway, I don’t care.” What?
• I mentioned that I had been bullied when I was 12. He said, “But why? There had to be something about you that they didn't like." I asked what it even mattered anyway since kids bully others for random reasons.
• He bragged that he never needed to study English (the language) because he learned it all through music, and that gave him the best grades in his class. He then said he couldn’t understand why his university classmates struggled to read English texts because "it's basically the same stuff we study [kinesiology], just in English. It’s so obvious." As a language teacher myself, I pointed out that what is obvious for him might not be obvious for everyone. He ignored that and kept saying “but it’s obvious stuff!” and I went, “for YOU.” He seemed confused by my response.

There’s a lot more, but I’ll leave it there for the sake of brevity. By the end of the date, I was actively trying to hide my yawns. I haven’t seen him since the date because he went back to his hometown for vacation... I think he’s coming back this week. I have no idea how to tell him I don’t want to see him again. Could you help me with that? Also, what do you think about this guy? Am I being too picky? My father said he was probably “nervous.”

For context I (32m) took a woman (32f) on a date the other night and I made the supposedly awful choice of ordering a mountain dew as a beverage. I had worked earlier in the day and was feeling a little tired so I figured it would pick me up a little bit, get my mind out of the fog of having worked a long day. I would usually just order water but I've been to this place before and ordered water, but it tasted awful, like how I would assume sewage would taste like. I thought nothing of it but for most of the date she kept saying things like "I can't believe you drink that" "How old are you again?" "I haven't drank that since I was 12" etc.

For reference I'm 6'2 with an athletic build and and mindful of my dental health. I normally don't even drink the stuff but figured it wouldn't be such a big deal. Now whenever we talk she's sure to slip in "Have you had your mountain dew today?" or "Up late drinking mountain dew?" or if I say I'm tired she'll say i should go drink some and wake up. Like damn just get over it, it was one time and I think i only drank like half of it. I told her in the past that I'm in AA which she was 100% behind telling me she had family and friends in the program, or I would've just drank a beer or something. I didn't say anything to her about what she drank or what she ate.

I understand joking about it but damn just let it go already, I know what not to drink around her going forward. Next time it happens I'm just gonna say enough already I get it. I'm not gonna stop seeing her over this but it makes me hesitate on bringing up certain topics like my hobbies, the music I listen to, or the video games I play, not knowing if any of them will be up to the standards of what she thinks a grown man should or shouldn't be doing.

I just wonder if she keeps nagging me about this, what happens in the future when something nag-worthy actually happens, it's like she fixates on one "negative" thing which in hindsight doesn't seem all that negative to me. I dunno, figured I would post here and see what you all have to say, if anything. Thanks.

So I (34F) matched with this guy last week and within the first three messages he asked me why I'm still single at my age. Like sir, I opened the app 20 minutes ago, we haven't even established a timezone yet.

But it got me thinking every time your age meets someone else's expectations, you get a completely different experience. At 24 I was getting ghosted for being too intense. At 34 I'm getting interrogated like I owe someone an explanation for my history.

It's such a weird double standard too. Nobody asks a 34-year-old guy why he's still single that's just called not settling down yet. But a woman hits the same age and suddenly it's a diagnosis waiting to happen.

And it's not even that the questions get ruder with age, they just get more personal. At 24 people ask surface stuff. At 34 they go straight for what happened with your last relationship like they're doing an intake interview before deciding if you're worth the risk. Feels like the second your age meets a certain number, you stop being a person and start being a case file.

Is it just me or does the vetting get more intense the older you get, regardless of how the actual relationship potential looks?

I don’t mean family members giving you compliments or women telling you how much of a nice guy you are and will make some girl very happy some day. Legit compliments that shows she is lusting after you.

I am above average (tall; muscular and facially good looking) and women coming up to me to tell me they find me attractive is rare (maybe 3-4 times a year and it’s mostly older women). It’s rare enough that each times it happens I have a dopamine rush for a couple of days whereas a pretty or even average girl will hear that a couple of times a day if she lives in a busy city.

I (32M) am talking about Hinge mainly. I used to get plenty of matches and dates. I still get matches but it’s become extremely hard to convert them into dates. Out of 25 matches, I might get 5 phone numbers but only 2/5 want to go on a date. I’m pretty thoughtful and don’t sexualize. I try to get to know them. I’m attractive. I’ve dated attractive women in the past. It’s shocking how flaky women are in 2026 lmao. It feels hopeless. Am I the only one?

I’ve been on 4 dates with this guy and it’s been about 3 weeks. Today I went and saw him and I told him I deleted tinder and he asked me why and then things got a bit awkward. He called me after and told me that he still wants to continue to build what we got going on but taking it slower and that I haven’t scared him off and thanked me for being honest. Is there a way to recover from this ?? 😅😅

Have you ever been told you’re “too perfect” as a reason for someone breaking up with you? I’m a 26 year old man now, and I’ve probably had five serious/serious-ish relationships in my life and every. single. damn. time. that’s what I get told when people are breaking up with me. I’ve come to accept that I’m a pretty good looking guy - I’m 6’01 and have really nicely kept black curly hair, and even though I’m 240lbs I wear my weight with confidence, like I’m trying to work out more for my health, but I still look damn good for a bigger guy. Personality wise, I literally win customer service awards at work, where I’m a highly skilled security tech that makes a good amount of money. I’m introverted but make a good effort to put myself out there to a point where I know I’m the guy that can make jokes at a party everyone is gonna laugh at. Beyond that, I get told all the time I’m a really, really caring person. In some of my spare time I work with a group of incredible kids to teach them coding and play D&D with them, they like me so much they 3D printed me a gift they all helped each other make as a thank you for being so much cooler than the last guy that did it.

SO WHAT THE FUCK could possibly be the reason that I just can’t seem to hold onto anyone in my life? Like it’s embarrassing and depressing that my best friend in the world and only friend is my brother’s girlfriend. I’ll admit, I had to do a lot of self reflection somewhat recently to realize I was holding a lot of self worth in how I administered care to people. Like, I decided that the only way I’d be worthy of love was if I was useful to people, but even now I still can’t even seem to find a friend, much less hold onto a relationship, and the answer is always, ALWAYS the same: “You did nothing wrong. You were perfect, actually. I just think I’m not gonna be a good match for you.”

Sidenote: I really dislike how gross it makes me feel to be bearing all this to the court of public opinion, but don’t hold back. I’ve tried therapy, that was great in rebuilding the foundation of my confidence. But maybe I need a communal place where I can just, unpack it for whoever wants to add something. If you have had similar experiences, or questions about what I might be doing wrong, definitely let me know.

This is a very silly non-issue problem that I am seeking some humorous but useful advice for. I, 19F, have become so frustrated while being single about how easily I find men attractive. Just an hour ago I took my daily little scroll on instagram and I kept coming across reels of about 8 attractive men in a row, and it made me really frustrated. It also happens in real life where I could be going to the store for groceries or walking to my class on campus and my habit is to unconsciously look around and find men that I would be interested in dating.

I feel like such a "player" almost because I see one guy and I think "wow he is very gorgeous and around my age, I wonder if he would be attracted to me" and then two seconds later i see another handsome guy and I repeat the cycle over and over. I have never heard of anyone else going through this that feels frustrated or almost guilty so I figured I would ask for advice or see if anyone else can relate.

There is morally nothing wrong with finding multiple guys attractive because I am single and open to dating, but it just feels so wrong to me to see any slightly attractive man and move on from the last one like he was my mental one night stand. I have probably obsessed over more cute guys at stores and cafes and passing on the street in the past few months than there are days on a calendar year. I know this seems like such a normal thing but I hate the way it makes me feel. I just hate finding so many men attractive, I have no clue why. It almost feels like seeing an attractive man should be a once in a blue moon occurrence and that I should only be focused on wanting to date one guy, like only having one crush.

I also can't help but wonder and feel guilty that if I were to get into a relationship, would I continue to feel this way? I obviously would be most interested in the person I am dating, but what if the same thing happened where I come across conventionally attractive men in person or the internet? (Fyi I NEVER act on my feelings, even when single. Major introvert, so the only thing I do is observe from afar and daydream. I absolutely would never act on those feelings if I was in a relationship. I'm open to dating but not actively searching or in a rush to meet someone.)

I have tried all sorts of distraction tactics like picking up and focusing on my hobbies, making myself more busy, and even staying off of social media, but it seems like it's a very difficult task to alter the habits that my brain naturally has. I am still trying to work on it, but it will definitely take some time to fully rewire.

I didn't even know what to type in the search bar when wanting answers to this problem, so I am sucking it up and creating a post about it. If anyone else has shared a similar experience please help!!!

I've seen advice posted here that it's bad sign in the eyes of many women on dating apps, but I just don't understand why I should hide something which has been my biggest hobby since I was a kid, and still is. I still find it hard to believe though that many woman would view this as a negative when it's no different from any other hobby, so hopefully some women could chime in. Ideally I would like to find a girlfriend who also enjoys video games so we could play together.

Listen I know dating is all preference and there isn’t a right & wrong, but for the sake of this post I just want to know what your hot takes are.

I’ve got a few, but my main one is coffee dates are a terrible first date idea. They sound great, but they feel way too platonic and it’s pretty difficult to feel any kind of intimate connection when you’re sat in a coffee shop in the middle of the day with people working/studying around you.

I think they’re great for later dates when you’ve built that vibe and have a bit of chemistry, but there’s not many places I want to go less on a first date.

I’m a 26 year old dude that’s still living at home and I’ve unfortunately never been on a date. Financially, it’s been nice but I am so lonely and would like to find somebody. I would like to start dating, but I’m wondering if living at home with my parents crushes any chance I have. I have my own job, my own car, I help around the house, and I’ve used the opportunity at home to pay off a big chunk of my student loans. My current goal is to find my own place later this Fall once I paid off my student loans.

Should I jump in now or is it better to hold off until I move out? I am open to all of your own perspectives.

It's not easy being the odd one out - the only one amongst my friends that are single. The outlier - the third wheel - the guy who's never had a girlfriend or date as I approach my late 30s.

The feeling gotten worse as those friends are either engaged, married or have children while I feel dating wise I'm still feeling I am that inexperienced 17 year old who never had any dating experience.

I do try to focus on hobbies, interests and activities but its hard to block out the noise that unfortunately leads to comparisons and yes I know that is the thief of joy.

I was chatting with someone off an app. We seemed to be hitting it off and they offered their number to text/call off the app. We texted for a couple days and had a 2 hour phone call. Seemed good. They had a trip planned on Tuesday set to return thursday. I texted them Monday, no reply. Fine traveling. Sunday rolls around and I still hadn't gotten a response to my Monday message so I assumed they decided they were no longer interested. So I texted them said good luck in their dating endeavors and wished them well. They responded almost immediately and seemed put out that I assumed they were no longer interested...

I felt like 6 days of not responding to a text was a pretty clear indicator of a lack of interest. It only takes a second to send a text.

Ok so I have this back and forth this guy says he misses me and has sent me letters saying how he regrets what he has done to me. Saying how he wants the chance to be with me again and says that he is sorry. We had lost contact because of some issues he was dealing with and I just ran into him yesterday after almost two years. We talk exchange numbers and tell eachother how we missed one another yet he hasn’t texted me and he has my number. In a sad attempt I text him I had a good time last night but he leaves me on read???? What does this mean why does he give mixed signals and why does he confess his devotion and obsession( words he used in the letter) to me yet doesn’t act on it when he knows I like him too??? I need advice please!!

I’ve been talking to this guy for about two months, and I genuinely really like him. The only thing that keeps bothering me is how differently we seem to approach money, and I’m trying to figure out if it’s a compatibility issue or if I’m just not used to it.
It’s not really a wealth gap in the sense that he’s objectively richer than me. My mom passed away, and I inherited money from her, so on paper I may technically have more money than he does. The difference is how we act with money.

He “works for himself” and makes good money, and he spends it very freely. I don’t know what he does for work. He’ll randomly send me money for no reason, even though we’re not dating or even exclusive, I’ve never asked for it, and I’ve told him multiple times that I don’t want or need it. It honestly makes me uncomfortable because I’ve never been someone who accepts anything, especially money, from people. I’m much more likely to be the one giving.

He also brought me flowers on our first date, which was really sweet. I never even got flowers from my previous boyfriends while we were actually dating. So it’s not that I don’t appreciate thoughtful gestures, I really do. It just confuses me that he’s doing it.

What also confuses me is that sometimes his attitude around money comes across differently. For example, I took him around my city (he lives in the suburbs), and he acted kind of pretentious about some things. He also talks a lot about how he could “never work a desk job” and how he could never live a normal 9-to-5 life. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it sometimes comes across as dismissive or ungrateful in a way I can’t really explain.

I’m wondering if this is just me not being used to dating someone who is financially comfortable and generous, or if it’s a genuine values difference. I was raised to be very independent and to never expect anyone else to pay my way, so someone randomly sending me money feels almost foreign.

Has anyone dated someone whose relationship with money was completely different from theirs? Did it end up being a real compatibility issue, or did you adjust over time? I just don’t know if I am overthinking this. Thanks all!

I’m not religious or waiting for marriage. I’ve been stuck in this near-perpetual mentality of ‘I’m not thin enough/good enough right now, I’ll fix that soon and then date’. (This has been the case regardless if I have a ‘normal’ BMI or am in the ‘overweight’ category). I have dated a little over the years, but haven’t been in an actual relationship.

IMO, I have plenty to offer- I’m not hideous (I like my face), I’ve had cool experiences/adventures, I have interests and hobbies, I’m financially stable and secure, I’m clean and have a warm and well decorated home, I can be shy at first but once comfortable with groups/people I’m funny and playful, I’m empathetic and a good communicator, I think I’d be very genuinely affectionate (physically and verbally) once in a relationship I felt comfortable and safe. I’m far from perfect but feel I could be a really good girlfriend/partner.

If relevant, the area I live is politically mixed (in the US) with both conservatives and liberals and a fairly educated population. I’m on the liberal side. I only mention this because I suspect attitudes about sex/virginity do correlate with some political spheres.

I’m planning on getting on the apps and trying some in person events and meetups.

I’m straight and would be looking for a monogamous relationship.

I’d mostly like to hear perspectives from men 30+, as that’s the demographic I’d be trying to date.

Hey so, I 27M have been talking to this woman 30F for 3 months. I have a busy life, but was calling her daily. We went on 11 dates. She was also making plans of meeting up. Infact, since I did not have a car, she was the one who was giving me princess treatment. After a month or so, she told that she is a bit traumatized from her past relationship and need some time. But we kept meeting and talking regularly. I think we bonded really well and had "the night" where we talked about everything about each other. She knows about stuff which my closest friends don't know.

Then suddenly she started distancing from me one day. I confronted, and then she told that everything is good between us but she needs time. That's okay, I gave her space. After one month of this, I wished her on her birthday and basically asked about her. No response. I spiralled and texted a lot. No response. I kept asking for an explanation then she suddenly blocked me everywhere.

Thing is, it has been more than a month since this happened and this is affecting me mentally a lot. I am extremely confused, hurt, broken. We didn't attach labels to it, but we had a deep connection. It's not even the rejection that hurts, it's the fact that I was not even worth an explanation. I have had breakups but this is completely damaging my head. I don't know how to proceed. Why do people do this?

So I matched with a girl and I she proposed for us to go for a watch party at a park. I had a couple tickets for a soccer game so I proposed back, should we go for the game and she instantly messaged are we going for the best first date ever?

Sorry but I recently started dating again after a long relationship and trying to understand the excitement behind the best first date idea.

Does it lead to something meaningful over time?

For context, i’m a 29F and have always had a bad time with dating.. I was in two long term relationships in my early-mid twenties and my last one ended about 4 years ago.. that one really did something to me. Every since then i’ve been so avoidant with guys esp if they do something wrong. In the moment, I get so irritated that I just ghost them or take days to speak to them again. I don’t want to be alone forever but I know my behavior is part of the problem. I’m pretty much to my self, go to school/work and have small amount of friends. I think my main issue is avoiding problems all the time and getting easily irritated is part of the reason why I am where I am in dating. I just wanted to know if anyone has dealt with this and have any tips for me? Thank you!

I will try to keep it as short as possible. Also i am sorry for my bad English language, because its not my native language.

Just to tell, even though i am 18, i dont like childish games. Playing hot and cold, being manipulative ect.

Me (18M) and my gf (18F) are in a relationship. There is a big problem. Whenever we meet, everthing goes almost perfect. But there is one problem, she won't text me first. Like not a single time. I waited 3 days, on 3rd day we were scheduled to meet. Until that date, i didn't want to text her, just to see if she will text me, she didn't. That night when we met, everyrhing was perfect. Ok i am lying but just a little, from time to time she text me first but nothing much. Sometimes i want from her to text me "how are you", or simple hi, or something like that just so i can atleast think that i mean something to her. I hate thing that she didn't call me on a date a single time. If its "man should text first" or something like that, i might end this relationship.

I am not much of a text guy, i really like dates, like any type of date. I just hate that she didn't text me something like "wanna meet tommorow" or something like that.

Does anyone know what can be problem? I think that a problem is most likely her ego but idk.

Ask any questions, i will try to answer them to show you a better picture os situation.