Will the person who hurt me ever truly realize what they lost? Will they ever miss the love, care, loyalty, and attention I gave them? Even just once, will they feel guilty for the pain they caused me?

I've always noticed something that confuses me. People who cheat, lie, or betray their partners often seem to move on quickly. They find loving partners again, people adore them, and they appear happy. Meanwhile, the ones who stayed loyal, gave everything, and genuinely loved often end up alone, struggling to heal.

Why does it seem like good people suffer while those who hurt others get a happy ending? Has anyone actually seen karma work, or is it just something we tell ourselves to feel better?

I'd really like to hear your honest experiences.

I (18F) broke up with my (first) boyfriend like 3 months ago because our conversations were very uninspired, we had very very different conversation styles and I found myself doing all the talking and struggling to open up about anything. He also had some other things that made me annoyed and hurt me, stuff like being very cheap or not being very propositive for hangouts and dates. I'm glad I broke up with him, don't get me wrong, we were kind of becoming a bit toxic so I decided to stop it there.

I miss him though. I miss all the sweet things he'd do, the way he'd see me for 5 minutes just to see me, the original compliments he'd give me, the way we texted a lot throughout the day, hanging out with his friends and viceversa, how affectionate he was. We never had intercourse or anything before that, and somehow this hurts me even more. I feel like the relationship ended fairly but almost too much on "good terms". I don't think I'd get back together with him, I don't think it would work out, but I still miss him, and I feel kinda dumb about it since the relationship was only 3 months long and I was the one who broke up(and it was a while ago too). I find myself wanting to text him because I want to know how he's doing and what he's up to, I'd like to see him but I know I shouldn't because I don't think we could be friends, to be honest.

Somehow I miss being his person. He was a pretty complex individual and I miss being the one who understood him so much, and somehow I'd like to let him know "hey, I still know and understand you".

I know he kinda misses me too, I found out a few days ago from one of his friend's chat, and this has kinda hit me hard. It's like if now I have this feeling that if I went back to him I could have him, which makes me think about it more.

I feel very awkward about these feelings, they don't make sense, I shouldn't be feeling like this, since for the past months I've been doing fine. Any advice?

it's crazy, 3 and a half years ago this sub helped me a lot when I was dumped by my ex totally out of the blue with no rationale or information, we spoke for a day or two after but then went full no contact, I've also been the same with every other major ex from my past.

anyway first thing I always do I start dating after a breakup, it's important to add a sense of motion to my life and move on, well it turned out to be the best decision as I recently got married to my wife who I met only about a month after thinking I had totally had my heart broken, my wife who is on a completely different level to those other women.

it's strange I dont miss any of the women from my past at all, but quite often wonder "wtf were they thinking", my wife and I basically have an amazing life with everything you would expect of a happy picturesque life it's almost reassuring that maybe my exes were the crazy ones afterall.

anyway if there's any advice I can give the healthiest thing I did was go complete no contact and resume dating ASAP, ex's are just that and it's scary how quickly they fade once you meet new people.

edit: nvm most of you people are the author's of your own unhappiness and probably deserve it too.

I wish he would reach out. More than anything, I wanted closure. I wanted one final conversation where he would just be honest with me. Toward the end of our four-year long-distance relationship, he became so secretive. He stopped telling me what he was doing, where he was, and who he was talking to. Whenever I asked, I’d either get vague answers or no answers at all. It left me wondering if there was someone else, and those thoughts have completely consumed me ever since. The uncertainty has destroyed me. I have constant dreams about him being with other women, and I wake up feeling sick to my stomach. My mind keeps replaying every little thing, trying to figure out what happened and whether I missed signs. I feel like my body is exhausted from carrying all of this grief and anxiety. I don’t even know if hearing the truth would make it hurt less, but I wanted the chance to hear it from him. I wanted one last phone call where he would answer my questions honestly instead of leaving me with silence and endless “what ifs.” Has anyone else struggled more with the unanswered questions than the breakup itself? How did you ever make peace with not knowing the truth?

How can someone be so close to you for six years and then suddenly move on with someone else as if nothing ever happened?

Do they really forget everything? The conversations, the memories, the promises, the little moments that meant so much to me? Or do they remember and simply choose not to care?

I can't understand how someone who was once such a huge part of my life can act like I never existed. Even if everything between us was a lie, wouldn't there be at least one moment where they remember me?

How is it possible to move on so quickly? How do you erase someone from your heart in what feels like a single minute?

I'm not asking them to come back. I just want to understand... how is this even possible?

hey everyone. i've posted a few times on this subreddit within the past month and have gotten some mixed perspectives. my ex broke up with me mid june. just hit two weeks of no contact today. he initially wanted to remain friends after some space apart, and i did as well. however i was very emotional in our last conversation, and told him i couldn't be friends now and may not ever be able to. which i now deeply regret. we both hold no malice towards each other, and want to remain amicable. we were initially planning on meeting to catch up in a couple months with no expectations. however i pushed for earlier, and that made him more distant. understandably so. if he doesn't reach out beforehand, would asking to catch up over coffee in mid October be too risky? i know we've both been working on ourselves and will continue to do so. he hasn't been cold towards me, but he was stern in his boundaries for now, as was i. but emotions fluctuate quickly. mine certainly have. i miss him and we both still want to be a part of each other's lives down the line- but i don't want him to be under the impression that i'm pushing for reconciliation.
here's a blueprint message i've been thinking about sending when the time comes: hey (insert name). i hope you've been well. i know we were initially planning on catching up a few months after our breakup, but then our last conversation happened, and i regret how i handled it. if you'd like to get coffee sometime, lmk. absolutely no pressure either way but i'd love to see you. no expectations- just thought i should reach out

I know it’s been said before, but I really think an important part of moving on after I break up is killing all hope. I mean absolutely obliterate it. It’s extremely difficult to move on otherwise. You’ll leave that door slightly open only to be hurt again.

(This post is for myself. I’m finding it super difficult to move on from my first love.)

After 1,5 years together my ex broke up with me because we've discussed moving in and he got freaked out by how serious things would be. I accepted it and went no contact. He wrote me a couple of long texts post break up about how it was a very hard decision, how he knows I'll find a great man, how our 1,5 years together were the best of his life etc. Both in our 30s, it was his first serious relationship and I was the first girl he introduced to his family.

6 weeks of no contact were very hard for me, cried non stop for the first month, then slowly accepted the reality. Joined dating apps at 6 weeks mark and luckily met someone amazing from a first date after the break up. We clicked and he felt like a male version of me. So much fun and adventures. After 2 weeks with the new guy (we had 6 dates in 2 weeks), I went on a weekend trip abroad with him and posted on social media... Ex texted me right after he saw it. Saying he wants to talk and work things out, but he noticed I'm seeing someone new. I told the ex that I don't want it, that he broke my heart and new man is healing me, I'm happy.

Now it's been 5 months after the break up and 3 months with the new man. Things are going very well. BUT the ex is still pursuing me!! Showed up at my apartment, saying he made the biggest mistake of his life, wants me to move in and get engaged by the end of the year. I didn't believe him at first but looks like he's seriously regretting the break up.

I'm very torn as 3 months with new bf is still new, I've developed feelings, he makes me feel safe and loved. But of course still have feelings for the ex and that life path seems clear, I'd move in, we get engaged and start a family. New bf also has serious intentions, we spend nearly every day together. Ex also has a better career, while new bf is younger than ex and not earning as much. Finances isn't everything but I'm trying to picture my life with both and I can see it being more stable with ex.

Part of me doesn't know if I could ever trust ex again to not leave me again. He's saying all the right things, how he knows I'm his future wife and we'll have an amazing life together and he realised how important I am etc. Ex also went on a few dates and said that noone compares.

I told new bf that my ex is trying to reconcile as wanted to be honest, he was concerned but I've reassured that it's over. But deep down I'm still torn and just dont know who to choose... Don't want to break new bf's heart and things are so aligned with us. Yet persistent ex makes me feel he's really fighting for me.

Its killing me inside.

he's back with his ex and its not even been 2 weeks.

I feel nauseous. I cant sleep. I'm replaying everything and realising it was all a lie. Meeting my parents. Intimacy. The words.

He 36M started pulling away about 6 weeks in- by then we had already met families, made it official.

I realise now that I was giving much more than he did- time, care, paying for dates, the emotional load... I hate that I didn't pick up on it earlier.

Hey guys, i am gonna keep it very simple. Do you have any advice with dealing with loneliness. I feel like im gonna stay alone forever. My ex broke up with me and i really dont know how to even strat healing in a right way.

We broke up months ago, but officially stopped talking about few weeks back per his request. He told me he wanted nothing to do with me after I foolishly decided to talk to him in a moment of vulnerability about something going on in my life that he didn't like and felt out of control of. He is a major control freak and has blatantly admitted to this, however, sees no issue with it. To this day, he blames me for it all, though I genuinely did nothing wrong.

After hurting me and saying things in the heat of the moment, blinded by his anger, he blocked me on everything. A week later, he unblocked me and I still kept him blocked, but we have certain mutual groups that we can see one another's messages. In front of all these random people in the chat, he made comments about me being his "beautiful ex" and added a picture to his profile of us together (ironic that he never posted us previous to that). Other than that, he's found ways to reach out to try and lure me back in. I feel the "beautiful ex" comment was to sort of claim me and put his mark on me.

He was and is extremely jealous and territorial. After we broke up, but remained talking, he told me I would always be his even if I had someone new. Anyway, all of these attempts to get my attention, have been completely ignored. It's been embarrassing because some of it is being seen by others who know of us both. I still live where we first met and he moved out of state months ago. He's still constantly trying to remind me of him and our relationship. He will not let me forget.

All I want is to move on, but I feel as though I'm unable to. I even started on SSRI medication today because I feel like I'm going crazy with this break up. I want to be left alone by him. And he said what he said, so I'm assuming now he regrets treating me that way, though he would never admit that, because I was an amazing person to him.

He has never been a man of his word and speaks so frivolously, with no acknowledgment later on when he's said something completely out of pocket. He's been so emotionally and mentally abusive, both when we were together and outside of the relationship. It feels like he has a hold on my emotions after all this time and knows it, even though I'm trying to show that he isn't going to control or manipulate me further by my ignoring him.

I don't know... I'm just so tired. I can't even grieve in peace because it seems like he's still everywhere. I shouldn't be crying over this man anymore, but I did love him very much. Sad that I only see it know, but he's evil.

Is there any insight on why he is doing this to me? Is it because he wants me to be unable to move on and is trying to get to me psychologically? If so, it's working and I hate that. May he never find out that he has any affect on me any longer.

The hardest nights are the ones where you're tempted to go back to the person who broke your heart.

Don't.

Missing someone isn't a reason to return to the pain they caused. Healing is lonely sometimes, but it's still better than settling for someone who made you question your worth.

If tonight feels heavy and you just need someone to listen—my DMs are open. No judgment. Just a conversation.

Take care of yourself. One night at a time

Next week on Tuesday the 21st of July would be our 5 year anniversary and I’m taking it a little bit harder since it’s been awhile of 7-8 months of not talking to each other ( no contact) and we have been together for 4 1/2 years before splitting up. I’m genuinely missing him and what our connection was. Ngl I tried to contact him and there was no reply and I respected his wishes haven’t contacted him since. I just want him back and what we had together. It was my decision to break up but now I have to suffer with the consequences.

It’s a day after, once would be 5 years in our relationship and I still would like to reach out to him, but l can’t do anything else. My mom said if I wanted to, I should go in person but I thought it would be too much to show up to his work. I also been seeing that he is now looking at my account more often on tik tok. It started like 3-4 days ago. I don’t know what it means when he only looks at my story, does this mean he reciprocating the same feelings?

We were together for just over 2 years. His behaviour deteriorated pretty quickly into the relationship, but I was blinded by hopelessly romantic hope. I stood by him through thick and thin, even as I started to realise I was beginning to compromise my own morals.

When things became too disturbing and too frequent to ignore - about 9 months in - I started writing little notes about what was happening, just incase. After going ‘no contact’ I put the notes into a document and can see it totals 45+ pages. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I was being used and abused the whole time, but also feel deep shame within myself that I stayed for so long. And for the fact that I really might’ve stayed for the rest of my life if the following didn’t happen.

The last time we communicated he tried his usual games on me, over the phone. He had me in tears once again and I gave him a piece of my mind but still tried to play it cool, as usual, to give hope to a future that just simply cannot be. We were supposed to see each other that night, but I told him I didn’t want to after the shit he just pulled on the phone. We were supposed to see each other in two days from then also - I told him I’d think about it. In my mind I truly didn’t picture that to be the end.

The day after the phone call, my sister asked me about the situation. She knows bits and pieces of what’s been happening during the time of the relationship, but nothing to the full extent. Nevertheless she has been supportive and tried to encourage me to leave many times. But I just couldn’t. It was on this day that she went into my phone and blocked him on everything.

Blocking is a pretty huge thing for me and not something I typically engage in. It feels so major, so final, so impactive. The act of blocking then unblocking is something I simply don’t think I can do. I think it’s a pride thing. But, now he’s blocked.

Part of me feels a lot of fear and another part of me feels a lot of excitement. A new life! A walk into the unknown... Battling with feelings of freedom and enslavement all at once. Lots of ‘what if’s’ and ‘why couldn’ts’ running through my mind.

I feel lovesick. Withdrawals. Initially it was a physically ill feeling but now it’s more like a brain fog whilst wearing goggles. A desperation to have contact with him but inability to do so. Almost like a paralysation. The realisation that the phrase “if he wanted to, he would” is very real. The shattering of ego in even just having the thought that I couldn’t make the relationship or him better; that the fantasy really wasn’t reality. The toxicity.

I know that this is what needed to happen. I just never thought it would. I am so thankful for my support system. I had to go ‘no contact’.

hi everyone, so for context, me (F 24) and my ex ( M 27) broke up a 4 months ago, and we were in no contact for 2 months, til a break no contact and we have a really great talk about our new lives, but nothing romantic yet, we talked for 2 hours straight and he seemed really enjoying talking to me, he teasing on me, we played around, but since then (it’s been a week now) he doesn’t reach out anymore. We broke up due the stress and codependency i was having for him. But we had an amazing 4 year long relationship. He said when he broke up, that he can’t do this anymore, and the spark is gone. But i’m taking care of myself and changing the old patterns, i really love him. Do you think there’s still a chance? Do you think they’ll reach out or have a clue why he didn’t yet?

​

Okay, so as the title suggests I recently broke up with my boyfriend who put me through hell. I developed an eating disorder because of him, and he had some weird interests that I cant mention here. We broke up due to lack of communication skills and disrespect on both parties. I got over him pretty quickly and anonymously texted my ex but he recognized me and we started talking again. He told me that he doesn’t want a relationship, but it’s clear that he still cares about me. I said it shows that we both can’t and haven’t moved on, then he responded with ‘’Its not like we took a break and came back together, you dated someone else and you’re asking me this after a breakup so I don’t think thats left as an option.’’. I told him that I really don’t want him to think that im texting him as a rebound after the breakup. I told him that he has been in my mind for a while and I would never lie to him. I liked my boyfriend too but my feelings for him never went away and I wanted to try again because we both will never truly move on and there are things I wanted to discuss face to face too. He also said ‘’You can never move on from a true relationship, you can only ease its pain by adapting to it. It will always stay with you for as long as you live whether you make it into something good or let it eat you up.’’ I told him I was thinking about texting him for a while and Id understand him if he is cautious about all this. In the end, we agreed to meet up and talk about everything. So I want to ask you all what I can do to make him believe that I dont see him as a rebound?

Hi everyone,

2 months ago I had the worst period of my life. My uncle and aunt had died of cancer, my dad had cancer and I didn't know if he was gonna make it and I had to take care of him the entire time. I was also having health problems where I could lose my fertility (I'm a male). My friends at college noticed I was being a little distant and instead of asking how I was doing they distanced themselves from me and gossiped about me. I lost a few kg from stress during this period and I couldn't eat basically throughout the entire day. I was in a relationship with this girl who I had a blast with. I always payed when going out, I always took her home after going out, I checked on and called her every day. When going out with her I basically forgot about everything that was going on back at home.

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However she was really immature and got offended for really weird reasons. I thought everything was okay but one day she just texted me that it's over between us. When I called her she listed a bunch of bullshit that "offended her" such as: I told her that I had a few really close friends (2-3) and that I wasn't close with other people as much, however I invited over 20 people to my birthday. For her this was proof that I was lying about who I was. The things she told me are endless, but they were things similar to this.

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Keep in mind she knew most of the things that I had going on at home and when I told her that it's a really hard time for me she said that she didn't care. And that was it. The problem is that we go to the same college together and I see her frequently. She partially hangs out with my friend group but doesn't talk much with them when going out. The problem is that my friend group doesn't know what she did and are "okay" with her. I don't want to tell people in my college what she did because everyone knows eachother and I would come off as gossiping and telling private things between me and her, which is a bad look.

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But I also can't stand her being around me or my friends.

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Whenever I see her I get this horrible pain in my stomach and a weird taste in my mouth and I get reminded of that time period.

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Please help me about how I can minimize these feelings and not feel pure stress and anger when I'm around her.

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Thank you in advance and thank you for taking the time to read this.

We were together for 4 years. Over the last 1-2 years I became self-employed and had a lot of success very fast, but along with that a lot of pressure came up - and I think some old trauma too, stuff I hadn't really dealt with before. I pulled back a lot: cancelled plans, barely went out, seemed to lose interest in things, including us. I knew I had changed and I understood why it was hard on her.

When she ended things, at first her reasons matched that - she said the last year or two had been too much for her and things had changed too much. That made sense to me, even though it hurt. I was a very different person 4 years ago indeed. We went out a lot, I put in a lot of effort etc. After I explained that I think that I ran into kind of a burnout and was very unhappy with myself she suddenly changed her arguments. She said she still loves me and wrote me that she misses me too a lot after the breakup.

Suddenly it wasn't just about the last 1-2 years anymore - she started bringing up things from years ago. Like something I said 3 years ago about liking when she dressed up for me, which she said made her feel like she had to wear makeup even at home. Or that I didn't come to her grandmother's funeral - which happened while I was dealing with my own family crisis at the time. It went from: Hey - I think we changed too much to: You were the worst human being ever to me. It's really hard for me to understand this.

I'm not posting this to argue she was wrong to leave. I just don't understand the shift - why the story went from "the last two years broke us" to "here's a list of things from the whole relationship." Has anyone experienced this, on either side of it? What could cause someone to suddenly reframe the whole relationship like that once they've decided to leave?

This really sounds like post-decisional dissonance or Cognitive dissonance reduction to me tbh. Would love to hear your opinion about this since it's very hard for me to accept that I caused so much pain to her. It would have been way easier for me to hear something like I dont love you anymore and we go part ways in peace...

Otherwise: I really loved her but I also collected a lot of stuff which I did not like about her. For example she was very very caring but she also was able to change into a complete different person while arguing. The thing is that I thing most of the arguments we had were because I wasn't really able to give her the love she needed. I really experienced some big trauma as a teenager (im 30 now) and the work helped me to get through it. Although this had a lot of temporarily negative impact in case of friends, my relationship etc.

After the breakup I really realized I need to change something. Hit the gym, went out with friends and suddenly became the person before those 1-2 years again. She said she can't understand how this can happen and that she is extremely disappointed that I had to lose her to get that something needs to change etc.

Over a week will be the one year anniversary of when me and my girlfriend broke up, we broke up because I had to go study abroad, the breakup it was the worst experience of my life it changed me completely.

The relationship was great I felt like I actually found my person, we were each others best friend, I loved and adored her so much, I admired her like nothing else and I just wanted to be with her all the time.

I remember the last time we saw each other, we went to the park where we we had our first kiss and we sat and painted the scenery together, we didn’t have time to finish the painting we were too busy crying in each other arms and promised the day i’m back we’ll finish the painting.

Then I drove her to CVS bought a bunch of candy I gave it to her and I dropped her off at home and we had to say goodbye. It was the most gut wrenching goodbye ever.

After that I got on the plane and within a month she despised me and hated me so much, she told me she didn’t love me anymore, and that she likes someone else and that I should move on.

She’s smart, i might sound a bit delusional, but I know she didn’t really mean these things, she just wanted to stop hurting and for me to be happy.

And honestly i’m still not over her, it’s been a year, I talked to a few girls at school, work, outside but honestly i haven’t been interested in anyone since her.

I miss her a lot but maybe thats the end of the story.
My friend told me she found someone new.

But at the same time i’m thinking of dropping everything, getting on the next flight over to see her and see what might happen... But we all know how the Great Gatsby ends😅

Starting school in about 2 weeks. I always told my ex my fears of long distance to the point where I questioned if I even wanted to go. When he broke things off he said this is what’s best… he “loves me” and wants me to do great things. This was 2 months ago and we’ve been NC since.

Is he just a horrible person for not reaching out still? Or is he protecting me in a way?

I fell in love but it wasn't reciprocated. The pain of rejection has passed, but the love hasn't... I miss this person terribly, but having contact with them would cause me even more pain.

My ex and I broke up last month, because of my actions. Mainly it was because I had bad drinking habits. I let it get the best of me and I took accountability for it. We broke up in June, she told me she couldn’t be in a relationship with me anymore and she had given me too many chances to change. It is true I guess at the time I didn’t really know she did or how to process it. I never put blame on her for moving on. She also had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship last year. Started dating again and we met in December. It was a good relationship she supported me through some milestones and I supported her as well. Ultimately my bad patterns led to the demise.

We went through it because even tho we were done she called me maybe several times because of a situation we were in medically. She called me for closure one night. Then several times after that. Two weeks ago was the last time we spoke and I had to accept that I never reached out once after that. I had to move on even tho in deep in my heart I still love her. I’ve been three weeks sober today from alcohol. I’m proud of myself for not relapsing into the same version of myself that I would’ve of been in other break ups instead I took the time to heal and focus on myself.

Although I do still miss her and love her I won’t reach out to tell her I’m doing better slowly because I really want her to heal as well. She wasn’t from her last relationship and I could tell because of certain things I’ve noticed but it is what it is. I’m just grateful I got to know her even if it was just for 6 months.