I cheated. I was struggling with poor mental health and I used an opportunity of sex with another person as a method of self destruction and escape. I allowed myself to do this because i did not have healthy boundaries and wasn't thinking about the consequences. I did not tell them, and when confessing only 5 months later, lied about it.

This caused irreperable damage to my partner, to myself, and to our relationship. This person has been shattered because of this selfish, cowardly, disgusting choice I made. I will never be able to make up what I did and this person is now traumatized for the rest of their lives.

I look back at my life and realize the scum that I have been. I am a pathological liar. Ive been lying since a young age, and convince myself of my own lies. I lied so much that I would completely reinvent my reality. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes for attention. Sometimes, and most damaging, to avoid accountability.

One of the reasons here is that in childhood, when I was held accountable for something, it came with deep shame and abandonment from others. There were no healthy boundaries for responsibility. If you did something wrong, you were not loved, and you were abandoned as a result.

Shame was equated with abandonment and death.

So the shame i experienced with the cheating resulted in a denial response. I lied to myself about the occurence and couldn't give my partner a straight answer. I wanted desperately to tell them the truth but did not. Eventually I was able to, but only when I called the person involved in the affair to verify. My denial had warped my perception of reality to the point of taking drastic measures to ensure internal consistency. But I desperately wanted to tell them to take accountability.

I realize that these lies were a choice as much as the cheating was. Sure it is hard, and against the way my brain has been wired. But that doesn't make me any less of a coward.

I came to these realizations only recently. I am going to therapy and continuing to journal and take in feedback from my support system. I have been watching videos on infidelity and relationships. I am soon to get a couple of books on infidelity and complex trauma.

I have been a very bad person in my life and the person I was supposed to love the most was destroyed by my selfishness. I desperately want to change so that i never do this again. I hated my affair and I hated what i did to them. I hate what I have done and what I am capable of. I feel such horrible shame. They didn't deserve this. I am so sorry. I don't know how to keep living. But I must keep living so that I can redeem my cowardice, even if I am forever a cheater.

Do you have anything to recommend? Any words of advice or wisdom?

Do you think a 5-year disappearance arc is possible? How?

I don't mean disappearing in a dangerous way or anything. I just want to leave my current life behind for a while.

Sometimes I fantasize about disappearing for like 5 years. Like deactivating all my social media accounts, no one really knowing what I'm doing, no constant updates, no expectations, no explaining myself. Just completely removing myself from everyone's radar and spending those years rebuilding my life from scratch.

Not necessarily physically disappearing or moving somewhere far away. I can't afford that anyway. I mean staying where I am but becoming completely invisible online and socially while I work on myself in private.

Then one day, I'll just come back completely reinvented. Different mindset. Different appearance. Different skills. Financially independent. More confident. Healthier. Maybe with a completely different life from the one everyone remembers.

I know real life doesn't work like a movie, and I can't literally vanish without consequences. But I genuinely feel this strong desire to retreat from everyone and everything for years so I can focus entirely on becoming someone I'm actually proud of.

The problem is, I don't even know how to do this realistically. How do you "disappear" from your old life without actually destroying your relationships, responsibilities, and future? Is it possible to take a few years to completely rebuild yourself while still technically being present in the world?

Would you tell your close friends and family that you're taking a break, or just quietly disappear online?

Has anyone else ever felt this way or actually done something similar? Could you share your tips, advice, or experiences?

Thank you so much!

TL;DR: I want to deactivate my social media, disappear from everyone's radar for around 5 years, quietly rebuild myself while staying where I am, and eventually come back completely reinvented. Has anyone actually done something similar? Could you share some tips?

Hey guys we all get addicted to something at some point in our lives. It can be anything like bad eating habits, watching corn, theft, cheating, alcohol, social media addiction, sugar addiction, gambling, doomscrolling, smoking.

What were you addicted to and how did you get over it?

Would love to hear your answers in the comments!

I genuinely don’t know what the fuck happened to me.

I’ve become cynical as shit. I used to be optimistic and actually excited about life, but now I expect the worst from people. It feels like everyone’s fake or cruel for no reason.

I’ve gained a fuck ton of weight, and my confidence is basically gone. Sometimes it feels like people look at me with disgust before I even open my mouth. I don’t even know if that’s actually true or if it’s just my own insecurity, but that’s how it feels. I look in the mirror and barely recognize myself. I used to be lean, happy, and actually liked what I saw.

I’m autistic, and it feels like everything hits me ten times harder than it should. A breakup felt like the fucking end of the world. Ever since then I’ve been terrified of change. I’ve pushed away people I care about because I couldn’t accept that things were changing. I just wanted the old times back.

To cope, I got addicted to porn, junk food, and video games. It’s a fucked-up cycle. I feel like shit because I’m overweight, then I eat because I feel like shit, which makes me gain even more weight. I know exactly what I’m doing, but I keep doing it anyway.
Lately I’ve been listening to the same depressing Sewerslvt songs on repeat. They make me feel understood, but at the same time they leave me feeling even sadder. I can’t tell if they’re helping me process how I feel or just keeping me stuck in it.
The worst part is I can’t fucking stay consistent. I’ll lock in for a week or two, start believing I’m finally getting my life together, then I crash right back into my old habits. Every single time. After a while you stop trusting yourself because every promise you make to yourself ends up getting broken.

On top of that, I feel like all the effort I put into school and trying to build a future is for fucking nothing. I’m exhausted. I just want some peace and a stable life.

I’m not posting this because I want pity. I’m posting because I honestly need advice. If you’ve ever been in a place where everything felt hopeless but you actually managed to turn your life around, what helped you? What was the first thing that actually made a difference? I really want things to get better. Right now I just don’t know where to start.

I have been vaping for 10 years and know how damaging it is. Doesn’t anyone have tips to stop? I cant quit.

I'm 18, and I've realized I have a habit of avoiding conflict or difficult situations instead of dealing with them straight away.

For example, if my mum or someone else is upset with me, I usually don't respond immediately. I stay quiet, give it time, and come back to it later because I don't want an argument or to make things worse. Sometimes that helps, but other times I think I'm just avoiding the problem because it makes me uncomfortable.

I've started wondering if this habit is affecting other areas of my life too. When something is stressful or important, I sometimes delay dealing with it instead of facing it head on.

I know I'm still growing and learning, and I feel like being able to handle pressure and difficult conversations is an important life skill.

For people who used to avoid conflict or pressure, how did you learn to face things directly without getting overwhelmed? Are there any habits, books, or mindsets that helped you become more confident in handling problems as they came up?

Hi, I don’t know if this is the place to ask this but I really need advice. I’ve always felt like a bad person, and I know feeling and being are different, but unfortunately I have done things that by all moral standards, are pretty shitty. I’m a bad friend, I’m selfish, I push people away, I’ve entertained sexual relations with an ex who actively has a new boyfriend, i find any excuse to drink myself into a stupor. I am, by all accounts, a bad person, and I feel as though right now I’ve hit rock bottom. I don’t like the things I’ve done, I feel guilty all the time, but I keep doing bad things, I keep hurting people. I’m really not trying to be excused for anything I’ve done but does anyone have any pointers to change myself, I don’t want to be like this anymore.

I am moving soon and I low k wanna change my life. for seven Years now ive pretty much turned into a 180 of how I used to be and I wake up every day either wishing I wasn't here or wishing I felt differently. im just not sure what the answer is, I used to be heavily involved in sports as a teen and would do conditioning a lot and be very active which I think had a indirect toll on my MH and now ever since turning 20 (27 now) ive been the laziest most bum dude on planet earth and I live on the couch just wishing I could die so I dont even have to do anything anymore. I know it's gonna be hard but thats y I wish I could just take the easy way out. do u think if I started doing more cardio again and being way more active and eating all that etc etc I would actually wake uo one day and be motivated and actually like myself again? thx

I (f32) have struggled with this all of my cognizant life, and I'm currently dealing with 2 especially banal, horrible, awful, people in the office I'm working in. I'm in therapy, I'm working towards a goal of being more confident and less anxious about social situations in my life but my God these women are too fucking much. Im new in the area and its the constant barrage of leaving their seat, and whispering to a colleague, and then having both of them say "oh you're bad!" Or "I need to change, I am so rude hahaha" right after I speak. It's always being iced out of conversations, it's always them gossiping about their friend group at work, or whose obsessed with them. It never fucking stops. I don't want to say I know they don't like me but with the effort they put in its hard. If they don't like me though, that's fine, I have no desire to join that hellish highschool esque group, but please for the love of God stop shit talking! That goes for me (OR ANYONE ELSE) for that matter. Yesterday it got so bad, an area manager pulled rank but essentially put me in the middle of one of these women and her and I'm fearing it's going to get worse. What do I do?

As I age more and more, one of the things that constantly burn in the back of my mind is "I wish I had done [xyz] in my 20s."

A part of me tries to give myself a lot of grace. I finished school *with* my degree. Even though I'm not actively using it, I'm okay because I have an opportunity of a lifetime at the moment. I moved states, get to travel, be in my own space, make money with a job I love, and grow. So many good things going for myself.

On the downside, I've never been in a relationship (which isn't like the worst thing in the world). When I'm home, I rarely leave my house. I have so many hobbies but nothing really sticks. And thank goodness that I made friends online because if not, I would probably have no social human interactions outside my job. (Okay so maybe this includes a little bit of social anxiety...)

Maybe it sounds dramatic but I feel like I'm kinda wasting away. Yes, I'm doing okay, but it doesn't feel like enough. I feel like a part of me is missing *something*. For some reason, getting older feels like impending doom. I know it's not- maybe it's the idea of not utilizing a decade of your life to its full potential. Eithed way, I don't wanna feel like this anymore.

I guess my question is, what are some things you regret not doing in your 20s? Or even, what advice would you give an upcoming 26 year old who feels she's not doing enough?

Hi all.

Title says it all. When I am not pretty much forced to be doing something, such as attending classes, I'm stuck with a painful sense of boredom I can't escape.
I have been formally diagnosed with AuDHD and am working towards getting diagnosed with depression. I can't imagine any of those help with this.

When I'm bored, I do know there are things I could try, but I just can't be bothered. I am also a person very driven by spite (yes I know this is bad, i am working on it) so when someone suggests something to do, I either refuse to or my brain refuses to actually enjoy it, trapping me in the boredom.

I know boredom can be beneficial or whatever, but it really negatively impacts my mental health. I am unsafe when bored.

All that said, I was just really hoping someone has ideas on how to get out of the pit so to speak or how they got out themselves.

Thank you :)

I (f32) have struggled with this all of my cognizant life, and I'm currently dealing with 2 especially banal, horrible, awful, people in the office I'm working in. I'm in therapy, I'm working towards a goal of being more confident and less anxious about social situations in my life but my God these women are too fucking much. Im new in the area and its the constant barrage of leaving their seat, and whispering to a colleague, and then having both of them say "oh you're bad!" Or "I need to change, I am so rude hahaha" right after I speak. It's always being iced out of conversations, it's always them gossiping about their friend group at work, or whose obsessed with them. It never fucking stops. I don't want to say I know they don't like me but with the effort they put in its hard. If they don't like me though, that's fine, I have no desire to join that hellish highschool esque group, but please for the love of God stop shit talking! That goes for me (OR ANYONE ELSE) for that matter. Yesterday it got so bad, an area manager pulled rank but essentially put me in the middle of one of these women and her and I'm fearing it's going to get worse. What do I do?

Last month I ended a two-year relationship, and I've been reflecting on the reasons for our breakup lately. My ex-girlfriend told me before the breakup that maybe I was better suited to living alone. At the time, I was a little angry, but now I think she was right. Because I always subconsciously avoided conflict in relationships, many small disagreements accumulated between us without being resolved.

When something happened that made me uncomfortable, I would subconsciously accept it. Without communicating with her in time, I felt wronged and blamed myself for being too sensitive. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing; I thought I was protecting the relationship and avoiding arguments. But in reality, I was just protecting myself, avoiding those uncomfortable conversations.

I tried hard to remember every detail related to her, using accio work to record her favorite restaurants, her favorite foods, and things she shared. But without honest communication, love will eventually fade. My ex once asked me why I never told her my true feelings at the time. To be honest, by the time she asked me, I couldn't even remember my initial, genuine feelings.

I think my avoidance of conflict might be related to my upbringing. My emotional needs have never been met since childhood, gradually making me afraid to express them. I am your archetypal people pleaser, always caring about what other people think of me. I want to change this behavior. I don't want my next relationship to end because of my mistakes again. For those of you who used to avoid conflict, how did you change? Any advice is welcome.

my job requires me to be in and out of homes, schools, etc talking with parents and children. i’m a very anxious person who often overthinks and gets very awkward when talking to people for the first time. how can i get over my anxiety and feel more comfortable when i talk to people? it feels awkward trying to be friendly and conversational with people i just met. any advice, videos/books you recommend, anything would be appreciated!!

I've been thinking a lot about self-talk lately.

I realized that the most hurtful words I hear usually don't come from other people.

They come from me.

But I also realized something else.

There are two important distinctions.

1. Some words feel good but aren't true.

Example:

"I'm the best writer in the world."

Feels good, but not true.

1. Other words are true, but don't feel good.

Example:

"I made a mistake."

This is sometimes true, and doesn't feel great to admit.

But here's the big distinction that's changed how I think about self-talk:

"I made a mistake" is completely different from "I am a mistake."

One describes an action.

The other describes (and undermines) your identity.

I've been trying to replace negative self-talk with words that are both true and life-giving.

Not exaggerated flattery.

Not toxic positivity.

Just the simple truth, spoken with love.

I'm curious...

What's one sentence about yourself that is both true and feels good?

I have recently started to write about the emotional neglect from my parents and I bet I have 100 more things to share on this topic, cause they still haunt me. I probably will still write about it. Today I've been grappling with the question - What's next? Let me explain - I'll write about my experience, verbalizing it may help, maybe seeing I'm not alone in it may help but also makes me sad that so many of us are in this shit. How do I move ahead from this? How do I heal/ do better for myself? Because currently I feel stuck in rage and grief. This time it's been hard for me to hold two contradictory emotions for them - empathy/ love (cause they did the best they could, they had a difficult life too) and rage (cause I deserve better and have to suffer because of them and am emotionally so damaged).

If you're someone who has surpassed this stage even a little bit tell me somethings that helped you do it intentionally, give me your hacks/ unhinged advice/ no filter things that helped you in your journey 

I'm not even sure where to start so please bare with me!

To start, I'm a recently turned 20m who quite literally doesn't understand life. . . let me explain)

(some back story first)

I grew up being traded between parents until around 13ish, staying with mom through the week. dad was "starting" his new family +she already had 2 kids and had my half brother with my dad. I also have a sister that I'm not really close with, but better than when she would dead ass just tare me down behind my back and would just make fun of me to my mom/family. she would not be traded as she couldn't/can't bare the sight of him. (he got divorced and went back down the rabbit hole of drugs and is only recently getting better)

I was constantly moving between houses and schools. less than some but more than a lot. I was never good in school, all the way up to senior year. like barley passing and always "ranked" just about at the bottom of all my classmates.

I also had a surgery early on for some pretty embarrassing reasons. (this has reason)

But growing up I was "bubbled". I practically grew up by myself, mom was always working or out late. sister didn't do anything or was never there. I had no social life as a child, literally. I was always alone doing anything I wanted trapped in the "bubble' of any of the houses. I had no real activity's other than playing video games (by myself) and being the little shit I was and breaking shit or wtv.

My mom would do everything for me. all the chores. I had/ still don't have any chores besides cleaning my room. yet she still doesn't to this day, punish me for it. she would yell and eventually just clean my room when I wasn't home when I was younger.

And everyone, when I say I was alone, I mean severe isolation from the world for years. ask my family and they will not deny.

I have never been to a sleep over, only was invited to 1 birthday party when I could barely have a thought and etc etc.

once high school came around, then I finally started but barley understanding myself. I met my partner at this time and unfortunately I had to help her understand the way to love someone in a "healthy" way. yet I've never been in a real relationship before her. so it put a lot of mental strain on me because to this day I feel it's been just her teaching me how to love.

I had a therapist that just didn't do anything, was on meds for add, adhd, anxiety, depression and eventually that all fell through. I'm a smoker and through high school I wouldn't give the day a single chance and would get blasted off carts. so that didn't help. Honestly the wellness center was my best friend even though I would just tell them fuck all and I was ok, same with my therapist. it was a safe place for me.

When I spent so much time isolated thinking i'm ok because i'm alive and then being told you actually arent ok didn't really comprehend in my mind. Why? Why do I have to take these? Why do I have to do this? Why do I have to go by all these rules? why does this all seem like life or death? Why?

I'm just here.

I question everything now. I'm always in fight or flight. I'm ungodly stressed. I have no mental comp to do anything now. I have "fake" emotions for everyone. I can't look anyone in the eyes anymore. I can barely function.

I feel like I'm in a body just to be here. I feel disconnected from my own. I also didn't add that I have almost no recollection of my past unless you ask about it or the same memories that replay. I push it all off until I forget, thanks to my mom.

I have no goals besides marrying my partner and trying to live a fulfilling life. No job goals, nothing special besides that and working on my car. well and getting a better job as my job literally is talking to people all day & driving...... definitely works well for me....

this is getting a bit long. . . to try and sum up, this is NOT a cry for help.

I'm just trying to understand what I can do to help myself. I rely on everyone yet no one. I don't enjoy anything anymore and can't enjoy anything for what it is. I still feel out of body and lost. I have no direction yet I'm trying everything to direct myself to a better life. I don't know what to do.

maybe opinions, maybe i need another therapist, idk.

thank you for reading. I'll try answering any questions as best as possible!

p.s. don't ask me to read I hate reading-_-. I would go gym, but I'm to pussy.

At 31 yo I’ve learned that I have to set boundaries around myself financially and physically with partners.

Since my first job at 15 yo, I’ve always gave paychecks and money I’ve earned to the men I’ve dated. I thought this was normal behavior and it has set me behind in life so much.

I used to put so much energy into making my boyfriend happy and focusing on how I can make his life better in any way. I’ve lost time and energy I should have put into myself and my own life by doing this. This is a self taught lesson because I had no one to teach me to fill my own cup before trying to fill anyone else’s.

Now at 31 yo, I still have to set those boundaries but even being able to realize those boundaries are a success with itself✨

How in the hell am I supposed to move forward knowing that no matter what I do or learn,it isn't going to help and my only option is to suffer any rock thats thrown at me,there's no learning curve,i just get fed information and survive the experience.Anything I do control is minor to me because I've learned too late anyway.

I've been realising alot that I have to do so much more than expected but its so far beyond thought I just end up being hit by the obstacle.

With people? Sure i know of untrustworthy but was i supposed to know they would suddenly become assholes years later?

Having doubts about things I should be doing,was i NOT supposed to doubt myself? Why did i even experience doubt,i felt like it was right even tho it derailed me but at the same time I feel like I was supposed to.

Even things like sickness or sadness,was i meant to somehow NOT have them and avoided them slowing me down even tho ive taken several steps to be rid of them for years?

I feel like doing things right and coming still falling into traps is exhausting me so much,I don't want this approach with life if any sort of control or action i take is basically part of IT'S plan.i often feel like its even magical at some point because of ridiculous it is.Hope feels mocking

this sounds like such a common question and you can watch endless youtube videos on why scrolling is bad and how to stop, but i’m still struggling. when i get REALLY addicted to instagram (phone is picked up anytime i have a spare moment type bad), i will delete for a week, sometimes even longer, until i feel like i can live without it again. the few times ive done this its been great, i finally had the attention span for lectures, got back into hobbies i love, the whole nine yards. the bad thing is this only lasts for so long (a few months max) before i start scrolling again and basically the process repeats. i start going back on it because i get fomo and don’t like notifications just sitting so i feel the need to reply to everyone on there. it seems like cold turkey is maybe too much gone at once, but i can’t stop scrolling unless i fully delete the app.

i miss who i was when i wasn’t constantly going through this cycle, back when i was a good student year round. what are some things i can do to get off of instagram for good (or at least obtain the ability to go on it a healthy amount)? how are people able to not doomscroll at all?

Was there a point where doing very small things consistently actually changed how you saw yourself, or did you need something bigger to happen first?

I've been struggling with motivation for a while now, and I'm trying to figure out where drive and motivation actually come from.

Part of me wonders if it's because of years of rejection and feeling like, no matter what I do, it's never enough.

I've also realized I have this belief that I'm never really anyone's first choice. Not necessarily in a romantic sense, but in general. I often end up becoming friends with people who don't really have other friends, and I can't shake the feeling that I'm rarely the person people actively choose. I also feel like I'm judged a lot based on my appearance, and it's hard not to let that affect how I see myself.

Tomorrow I have a big network event. I'll get these brief bursts of motivation where I feel excited and ready, but almost immediately, they're followed by a wave of doubt that completely kills that feeling. Right now, I'm struggling to even feel proud of myself.

I'm not exactly sure when this all started, but I think it snowballed pretty quickly. I'm trying to break into a really difficult industry where rejection is constant, and I think somewhere along the way, I developed really low self-esteem. I started taking other people's opinions and impressions of me far more seriously than I should have.

The strange part is that I don't think I've lost motivation because of rejection alone. I know I still want to succeed. I still want to become so much more than I am now. But somewhere between wanting it and actually doing something about it, I just seem to lose the will.

I've dealt with rejection for most of my life, and I guess I always believed that eventually, it would stop or at least get easier. Instead, it feels like it's slowly chipped away at how I see myself.

I know it's easy to blame rejection, but I don't think that's the whole story. I know I'm responsible for how I respond to it, and I don't want to spend my life making excuses. The problem is that I genuinely don't know how to rebuild my confidence or get my drive back.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? What helped you regain your motivation and self-esteem when it felt like years of rejection had changed the way you saw yourself?

I keep going into spiral about how other people can behave so badly without feeling any guilt. My therapist says I judge people based on my own standards and I shouldn't do that. How do I stop doing that? My mind automatically analyzes and tries to find patterns and reasons for why they might be behaving that way and how they feel entitled to such behaviour without feeling any guilt at all. Specially behaviour towards kids. What can I do when I find my entire day wasted thinking about people being bad? I keep thinking why not just stay quiet instead of hurting others? I can't find any reason. It's been dragging me down for years. Please help me find ways to focus my mind on more important things like studying instead of going down a spiral.

I’ve been working on myself for the past six months. My depression and anxiety have dropped by almost 80% mind you without any meds, but I still can’t feel proud alone. I don’t know why.

I’ve started smiling more, reading more, and making decisions more pragmatically. But somewhere inside, this little purple box of emotions still craves a pat on the back or a hug.

I understand, as an adult, that life is indeed lonely at every step of the way. It doesn’t matter if you’re an alcoholic or somebody who’s most active in AA meetings.

Cheerio.

I had that itch a lot of people seem to get right now, the "it's basically August, time to blow everything up and start over" itch. New routine, new tracker, new rules, the whole reset. Before I let myself do it, I made myself write down what has actually changed since January, just to see how bad the damage really was.

It was a much weird list than I expected. None of it was the big stuff from my January goals. It was things like, I don't negotiate with myself about the morning walk any more, it just happens. I texted a friend first for once instead of waiting for her to reach out, and we are actually okay again. I stopped doom scrolling in bed most nights.

Not one of those was on my original list. All of them are real. And I almost overwrote all of it with a brand new plan because it felt more productive than admitting the quiet stuff already worked.

I think the overhaul urge is not actually about being behind, it is about impatience with progress that does not look dramatic. So instead of a reset, I picked exactly one thing to adjust for the second half of the year and left the rest alone, because it turns out I already built more than I gave myself credit for.

Before you blow up your whole system this week, it might be worth checking what already quietly changed without you noticing. What's on your list?