Do you think a 5-year disappearance arc is possible? How?

I don't mean disappearing in a dangerous way or anything. I just want to leave my current life behind for a while.

Sometimes I fantasize about disappearing for like 5 years. Like deactivating all my social media accounts, no one really knowing what I'm doing, no constant updates, no expectations, no explaining myself. Just completely removing myself from everyone's radar and spending those years rebuilding my life from scratch.

Not necessarily physically disappearing or moving somewhere far away. I can't afford that anyway. I mean staying where I am but becoming completely invisible online and socially while I work on myself in private.

Then one day, I'll just come back completely reinvented. Different mindset. Different appearance. Different skills. Financially independent. More confident. Healthier. Maybe with a completely different life from the one everyone remembers.

I know real life doesn't work like a movie, and I can't literally vanish without consequences. But I genuinely feel this strong desire to retreat from everyone and everything for years so I can focus entirely on becoming someone I'm actually proud of.

The problem is, I don't even know how to do this realistically. How do you "disappear" from your old life without actually destroying your relationships, responsibilities, and future? Is it possible to take a few years to completely rebuild yourself while still technically being present in the world?

Would you tell your close friends and family that you're taking a break, or just quietly disappear online?

Has anyone else ever felt this way or actually done something similar? Could you share your tips, advice, or experiences?

Thank you so much!

TL;DR: I want to deactivate my social media, disappear from everyone's radar for around 5 years, quietly rebuild myself while staying where I am, and eventually come back completely reinvented. Has anyone actually done something similar? Could you share some tips?

I (f32) have struggled with this all of my cognizant life, and I'm currently dealing with 2 especially banal, horrible, awful, people in the office I'm working in. I'm in therapy, I'm working towards a goal of being more confident and less anxious about social situations in my life but my God these women are too fucking much. Im new in the area and its the constant barrage of leaving their seat, and whispering to a colleague, and then having both of them say "oh you're bad!" Or "I need to change, I am so rude hahaha" right after I speak. It's always being iced out of conversations, it's always them gossiping about their friend group at work, or whose obsessed with them. It never fucking stops. I don't want to say I know they don't like me but with the effort they put in its hard. If they don't like me though, that's fine, I have no desire to join that hellish highschool esque group, but please for the love of God stop shit talking! That goes for me (OR ANYONE ELSE) for that matter. Yesterday it got so bad, an area manager pulled rank but essentially put me in the middle of one of these women and her and I'm fearing it's going to get worse. What do I do?

I'm a 24 year old guy, I have never been in a relationship. I have convinced myself that it's never happening for me and I think that my belief manifests itself, eventhough I don't want it to be true. I know it's bad to think like that, but I can't help myself.

The worst of all is I feel like I'm a very quality person and like I have so much to offer. I'm likeable, thoughtful, caring, smart, funny, a great listener and so much more. I'm not without flaws, but I have a bunch of positives going for me. I make friends really easily. I've had girl friends that I'm comfortable enough to talk with about that sort of stuff say I just immediately give off friend vibes which is also something I'm looking to change.

There have been so many failed attempts, dates, everything in my life that have never amounted to anything that I've started to believe that it just isn't in the cards for me. And having a family and being a dad is something I really want some day.

It's occupying my mind so much and I can't shake feeling stressed and sad about it, my friends tell me it's surely going to happen, but I've managed to convince myself it won't over the years. I feel pathetic and, frankly, disgusted by the way I wallow in my own misery.

I desperately want and need to figure out how to change my mindset, how to get out of the vicious cycle that's sabotaging me and blocking me from ever finding someone.

I am moving soon and I low k wanna change my life. for seven Years now ive pretty much turned into a 180 of how I used to be and I wake up every day either wishing I wasn't here or wishing I felt differently. im just not sure what the answer is, I used to be heavily involved in sports as a teen and would do conditioning a lot and be very active which I think had a indirect toll on my MH and now ever since turning 20 (27 now) ive been the laziest most bum dude on planet earth and I live on the couch just wishing I could die so I dont even have to do anything anymore. I know it's gonna be hard but thats y I wish I could just take the easy way out. do u think if I started doing more cardio again and being way more active and eating all that etc etc I would actually wake uo one day and be motivated and actually like myself again? thx

I've been thinking a lot about self-talk lately.

I realized that the most hurtful words I hear usually don't come from other people.

They come from me.

But I also realized something else.

There are two important distinctions.

1. Some words feel good but aren't true.

Example:

"I'm the best writer in the world."

Feels good, but not true.

1. Other words are true, but don't feel good.

Example:

"I made a mistake."

This is sometimes true, and doesn't feel great to admit.

But here's the big distinction that's changed how I think about self-talk:

"I made a mistake" is completely different from "I am a mistake."

One describes an action.

The other describes (and undermines) your identity.

I've been trying to replace negative self-talk with words that are both true and life-giving.

Not exaggerated flattery.

Not toxic positivity.

Just the simple truth, spoken with love.

I'm curious...

What's one sentence about yourself that is both true and feels good?

Hey guys we all get addicted to something at some point in our lives. It can be anything like bad eating habits, watching corn, theft, cheating, alcohol, social media addiction, sugar addiction, gambling, doomscrolling, smoking.

What were you addicted to and how did you get over it?

Would love to hear your answers in the comments!

Hi, I don’t know if this is the place to ask this but I really need advice. I’ve always felt like a bad person, and I know feeling and being are different, but unfortunately I have done things that by all moral standards, are pretty shitty. I’m a bad friend, I’m selfish, I push people away, I’ve entertained sexual relations with an ex who actively has a new boyfriend, i find any excuse to drink myself into a stupor. I am, by all accounts, a bad person, and I feel as though right now I’ve hit rock bottom. I don’t like the things I’ve done, I feel guilty all the time, but I keep doing bad things, I keep hurting people. I’m really not trying to be excused for anything I’ve done but does anyone have any pointers to change myself, I don’t want to be like this anymore.

i'm 19 still living with my parents. I have no friends, no job, and basically no future besides laying in bed playing video games sometimes. My mom has her own responsibilities paying bills and raising my younger siblings. Nowadays, she expects me to get a car and start driving again. But I can't. I'm too terrified to touch a steering wheel again. I'm also so so lonely. I know my mom needs help over here, but I'm just not motivated to. I just want to continue laying in bed all day every day.

What's worse is, I feel like the only person even trying. I'm tired of stagnation. But if everyone else is allowed to be stagnant, then so can I.

I have recently started to write about the emotional neglect from my parents and I bet I have 100 more things to share on this topic, cause they still haunt me. I probably will still write about it. Today I've been grappling with the question - What's next? Let me explain - I'll write about my experience, verbalizing it may help, maybe seeing I'm not alone in it may help but also makes me sad that so many of us are in this shit. How do I move ahead from this? How do I heal/ do better for myself? Because currently I feel stuck in rage and grief. This time it's been hard for me to hold two contradictory emotions for them - empathy/ love (cause they did the best they could, they had a difficult life too) and rage (cause I deserve better and have to suffer because of them and am emotionally so damaged).

If you're someone who has surpassed this stage even a little bit tell me somethings that helped you do it intentionally, give me your hacks/ unhinged advice/ no filter things that helped you in your journey 

I cheated. I was struggling with poor mental health and I used an opportunity of sex with another person as a method of self destruction and escape. I allowed myself to do this because i did not have healthy boundaries and wasn't thinking about the consequences. I did not tell them, and when confessing only 5 months later, lied about it.

This caused irreperable damage to my partner, to myself, and to our relationship. This person has been shattered because of this selfish, cowardly, disgusting choice I made. I will never be able to make up what I did and this person is now traumatized for the rest of their lives.

I look back at my life and realize the scum that I have been. I am a pathological liar. Ive been lying since a young age, and convince myself of my own lies. I lied so much that I would completely reinvent my reality. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes for attention. Sometimes, and most damaging, to avoid accountability.

One of the reasons here is that in childhood, when I was held accountable for something, it came with deep shame and abandonment from others. There were no healthy boundaries for responsibility. If you did something wrong, you were not loved, and you were abandoned as a result.

Shame was equated with abandonment and death.

So the shame i experienced with the cheating resulted in a denial response. I lied to myself about the occurence and couldn't give my partner a straight answer. I wanted desperately to tell them the truth but did not. Eventually I was able to, but only when I called the person involved in the affair to verify. My denial had warped my perception of reality to the point of taking drastic measures to ensure internal consistency. But I desperately wanted to tell them to take accountability.

I realize that these lies were a choice as much as the cheating was. Sure it is hard, and against the way my brain has been wired. But that doesn't make me any less of a coward.

I came to these realizations only recently. I am going to therapy and continuing to journal and take in feedback from my support system. I have been watching videos on infidelity and relationships. I am soon to get a couple of books on infidelity and complex trauma.

I have been a very bad person in my life and the person I was supposed to love the most was destroyed by my selfishness. I desperately want to change so that i never do this again. I hated my affair and I hated what i did to them. I hate what I have done and what I am capable of. I feel such horrible shame. They didn't deserve this. I am so sorry. I don't know how to keep living. But I must keep living so that I can redeem my cowardice, even if I am forever a cheater.

Do you have anything to recommend? Any words of advice or wisdom?

I'm 18, and I've realized I have a habit of avoiding conflict or difficult situations instead of dealing with them straight away.

For example, if my mum or someone else is upset with me, I usually don't respond immediately. I stay quiet, give it time, and come back to it later because I don't want an argument or to make things worse. Sometimes that helps, but other times I think I'm just avoiding the problem because it makes me uncomfortable.

I've started wondering if this habit is affecting other areas of my life too. When something is stressful or important, I sometimes delay dealing with it instead of facing it head on.

I know I'm still growing and learning, and I feel like being able to handle pressure and difficult conversations is an important life skill.

For people who used to avoid conflict or pressure, how did you learn to face things directly without getting overwhelmed? Are there any habits, books, or mindsets that helped you become more confident in handling problems as they came up?

(M19)This may sound like a weird question but it’s been in my mind a lot lately because i have let myself become a really shitty person. i’ve been physically, verbally, mentally abusive, i cheated on my ex, and i sold my partners nudes once.
i have this horribly flawed moral compass that even tho i had never imagined myself as this type of person before i became them, suddenly i caught myself in the actions of the things i would hate people for doing. it made me question if people were just born “good” or “bad” and if i had no choice anymore and i due to extreme abuse and genetics develop traits and mental illnesses that would negatively impact my own life and those who got to know me. i go to therapy twice and week and try to recover old memories and piece together the meaning behind what made me this way, being in this vulnerable state made me decide to leave my partner at the time because i was not able to stop hurting them until i took the time alone to reopen past wounds. i can’t help but wonder even if i do manage to change, would anyone even still want me be around me even when it all becomes far past, am i even owned to tell them? i have become someone who i despise and i guess i was curious if thats just it for me

Hello all, I'm a pretty crappy writer so bear with me. I have a core group of 3 friend plus myself and I feel like our friendship is coming to an end. Friend 1 seems to be going on religious journey, I'm not upset by it maybe a tad blindsided. Friend 2 is a bit of a silver spoon always got what he wanted growing up. Friend 3 my childhood best friend I've known since I came out the womb. I am 28 male and married.

So the story goes about 2.5 years ago my cat david bowie passed at 7 very suddenly and it tore me apart he was my best friend and my safety blanket. Then a few months later was my wedding to my teenage sweetheart of 10 years which was very stressful, I am a pretty anxious person. During this time through grief and stress I was given nothing by my friends, I grasped for help and nothing. It hurt a lot. A month after the wedding I went into a mental breakdown were I was having a panic attack almost every day for 6 months and was debating on ending it all a few times. Again nothing best i got was playing video games online with friend 3. A newer friend who i had only been friends with for about a year or two came and sat with me even in silence and would walk home with me just to chat and I felt like I had a friend for the first time.

After I started getting medicated and started leveling out again I made a decision to start improving myself and trying to be a more emotional and empathetic person. My original friend group I will say is more right wing and says some racial, misogynistic, homophobic and transphobic shit. I was also quite shallow like that but I have decided to move forwards and try and be more kind and protect the minorities and be more trusting of different people. My friend group now calls me "woke" because I also decided to stand on principle and my morales and continously try and ragebait me and say horrible stuff. So this goes on for about a year and nothing changes, we agree to stop talking about politics but they still keep saying the horrible crap which I would say is still politics. So I became distant and now they berate me that im "too distant" or I've replaced them with my newer friend. They also like to call em "too sensitive" because i wear my heart on my sleeve.

Yesterday I kinda blew up on them and said I will be taking a hiatus from the group." And now theyre made and accusing me of ending the friendship. My life is going through big changes. I'm taking the next step in my career and my wife is going to school because she just got out of an extremely toxic workplace and shes dealing with some horrible anxiety and depression do to it.

Anyways idk if this is the right sub, but I just want to be better and I feel like I'm being held back.

Anyways thats my ted talk.

At 31 yo I’ve learned that I have to set boundaries around myself financially and physically with partners.

Since my first job at 15 yo, I’ve always gave paychecks and money I’ve earned to the men I’ve dated. I thought this was normal behavior and it has set me behind in life so much.

I used to put so much energy into making my boyfriend happy and focusing on how I can make his life better in any way. I’ve lost time and energy I should have put into myself and my own life by doing this. This is a self taught lesson because I had no one to teach me to fill my own cup before trying to fill anyone else’s.

Now at 31 yo, I still have to set those boundaries but even being able to realize those boundaries are a success with itself✨

How in the hell am I supposed to move forward knowing that no matter what I do or learn,it isn't going to help and my only option is to suffer any rock thats thrown at me,there's no learning curve,i just get fed information and survive the experience.Anything I do control is minor to me because I've learned too late anyway.

I've been realising alot that I have to do so much more than expected but its so far beyond thought I just end up being hit by the obstacle.

With people? Sure i know of untrustworthy but was i supposed to know they would suddenly become assholes years later?

Having doubts about things I should be doing,was i NOT supposed to doubt myself? Why did i even experience doubt,i felt like it was right even tho it derailed me but at the same time I feel like I was supposed to.

Even things like sickness or sadness,was i meant to somehow NOT have them and avoided them slowing me down even tho ive taken several steps to be rid of them for years?

I feel like doing things right and coming still falling into traps is exhausting me so much,I don't want this approach with life if any sort of control or action i take is basically part of IT'S plan.i often feel like its even magical at some point because of ridiculous it is.Hope feels mocking

So whenever I’m bored I just go for something close to me to eat is there anything I can do to try and eat less or deter myself from eating unhealthy things. I know it’s a generalisation but if anyone has advice I’d be grateful. Thanks!

I keep going into spiral about how other people can behave so badly without feeling any guilt. My therapist says I judge people based on my own standards and I shouldn't do that. How do I stop doing that? My mind automatically analyzes and tries to find patterns and reasons for why they might be behaving that way and how they feel entitled to such behaviour without feeling any guilt at all. Specially behaviour towards kids. What can I do when I find my entire day wasted thinking about people being bad? I keep thinking why not just stay quiet instead of hurting others? I can't find any reason. It's been dragging me down for years. Please help me find ways to focus my mind on more important things like studying instead of going down a spiral.

As I age more and more, one of the things that constantly burn in the back of my mind is "I wish I had done [xyz] in my 20s."

A part of me tries to give myself a lot of grace. I finished school *with* my degree. Even though I'm not actively using it, I'm okay because I have an opportunity of a lifetime at the moment. I moved states, get to travel, be in my own space, make money with a job I love, and grow. So many good things going for myself.

On the downside, I've never been in a relationship (which isn't like the worst thing in the world). When I'm home, I rarely leave my house. I have so many hobbies but nothing really sticks. And thank goodness that I made friends online because if not, I would probably have no social human interactions outside my job. (Okay so maybe this includes a little bit of social anxiety...)

Maybe it sounds dramatic but I feel like I'm kinda wasting away. Yes, I'm doing okay, but it doesn't feel like enough. I feel like a part of me is missing *something*. For some reason, getting older feels like impending doom. I know it's not- maybe it's the idea of not utilizing a decade of your life to its full potential. Eithed way, I don't wanna feel like this anymore.

I guess my question is, what are some things you regret not doing in your 20s? Or even, what advice would you give an upcoming 26 year old who feels she's not doing enough?

i notice something wrong in me yet i struggle to fix it. deep down i know (everytime i’m about to bet) that i’m not gonna win those 30-40 legs parlay bet, yet i still bet them because there’s that 1% in my brain telling me “but what if you win?” i can count how many times i swore on my life that i would never bet again BUT i still do it. there’s always an excuse to convince my own self. It feels like i’m being controlled. i wanna stop because my money is going down and its in the middle of the exact time that i have big projects for myself/my life.

I’ve been working on myself for the past six months. My depression and anxiety have dropped by almost 80% mind you without any meds, but I still can’t feel proud alone. I don’t know why.

I’ve started smiling more, reading more, and making decisions more pragmatically. But somewhere inside, this little purple box of emotions still craves a pat on the back or a hug.

I understand, as an adult, that life is indeed lonely at every step of the way. It doesn’t matter if you’re an alcoholic or somebody who’s most active in AA meetings.

Cheerio.

Hi all.

Title says it all. When I am not pretty much forced to be doing something, such as attending classes, I'm stuck with a painful sense of boredom I can't escape.
I have been formally diagnosed with AuDHD and am working towards getting diagnosed with depression. I can't imagine any of those help with this.

When I'm bored, I do know there are things I could try, but I just can't be bothered. I am also a person very driven by spite (yes I know this is bad, i am working on it) so when someone suggests something to do, I either refuse to or my brain refuses to actually enjoy it, trapping me in the boredom.

I know boredom can be beneficial or whatever, but it really negatively impacts my mental health. I am unsafe when bored.

All that said, I was just really hoping someone has ideas on how to get out of the pit so to speak or how they got out themselves.

Thank you :)

I’m coming to the realization that humble strength is extremely threatening to most people. I used to assume appreciation would ensue from that, as I tend to admire this trait. However in return I have experienced more jealousy, envy, belittling due to this.

Most people are extremely self-serving.

living constantly in other people’s world by listening to what they say drags you out of your confidence.

Confidence wins over pride every single time, and confidence is nothing to feel shameful about no matter how others would like to make you feel bad for what you have.

Silence is an underrated, it is an amazing tool to deal with chaotic individuals.

Being in a healthy relationship beats being single regardless of how you look at it. There are 24 hours in a day, a person that adds positivity to your life instead of taking away will always be a better outcome than whatever you can do on your own in that span of time. Not to be mistaken with the fact that there is a time in life for this.

These are just some thoughts, please feel free to contradict me. Very curious to hear your thoughts

Being someone’s emotional band-aid or temporary ego boost while their home life is crumbling is a lose-lose situation. Protecting your own boundaries and dignity will always be the highest form of self-love.

Don't be someone emotional support while you already have yours to take care of.

I genuinely don’t know what the fuck happened to me.

I’ve become cynical as shit. I used to be optimistic and actually excited about life, but now I expect the worst from people. It feels like everyone’s fake or cruel for no reason.

I’ve gained a fuck ton of weight, and my confidence is basically gone. Sometimes it feels like people look at me with disgust before I even open my mouth. I don’t even know if that’s actually true or if it’s just my own insecurity, but that’s how it feels. I look in the mirror and barely recognize myself. I used to be lean, happy, and actually liked what I saw.

I’m autistic, and it feels like everything hits me ten times harder than it should. A breakup felt like the fucking end of the world. Ever since then I’ve been terrified of change. I’ve pushed away people I care about because I couldn’t accept that things were changing. I just wanted the old times back.

To cope, I got addicted to porn, junk food, and video games. It’s a fucked-up cycle. I feel like shit because I’m overweight, then I eat because I feel like shit, which makes me gain even more weight. I know exactly what I’m doing, but I keep doing it anyway.
Lately I’ve been listening to the same depressing Sewerslvt songs on repeat. They make me feel understood, but at the same time they leave me feeling even sadder. I can’t tell if they’re helping me process how I feel or just keeping me stuck in it.
The worst part is I can’t fucking stay consistent. I’ll lock in for a week or two, start believing I’m finally getting my life together, then I crash right back into my old habits. Every single time. After a while you stop trusting yourself because every promise you make to yourself ends up getting broken.

On top of that, I feel like all the effort I put into school and trying to build a future is for fucking nothing. I’m exhausted. I just want some peace and a stable life.

I’m not posting this because I want pity. I’m posting because I honestly need advice. If you’ve ever been in a place where everything felt hopeless but you actually managed to turn your life around, what helped you? What was the first thing that actually made a difference? I really want things to get better. Right now I just don’t know where to start.

I have been vaping for 10 years and know how damaging it is. Doesn’t anyone have tips to stop? I cant quit.