Hey!
I’m 19/M. I’m from Hungary, eastern / central europe, mental health and addiction services here aren’t as good as in the west. My main drug or choice was alcohol, but i’m 1 year and 4 days sober from that.
I was using xanax (prescribed by my doctor for real anxiety issues) and at times i abused it. Not too extreme, never blacked out on it, didn’t do any crazy stuff you hear on the internet. I was taking 1 mg (i have 0.5 mg prescribed) and i was just listening to music.
Now i’m 23 days sober, but i constantly think about it. It’s crazy. I first abused it in 2026 april, for a week straight 1 mg everyday. Then around 10 or so days in May, then around 1 and half week in June. Every time i did this, i was using exactly 1 mg because that was a “sweet spot” where i felt the effects but wasn’t noticable that i’m high
My life is actually good, i learn my 3rd language, i have hobbies, i make retro style videos, i play games, i make little “novels” / “stories” (for myself for fun) and i don’t have any reason to use xans.
But still, i want to use. It’s weird. I don’t get it. I wasn’t on it for too long to become physically addicted or something, but i guess it got me hooked mentally.
At the last time i abused it, i told my grandma and i gave the pills to her so that i can’t get high anymore, and i know she wouldn’t give it to me if i’d say “i wanna be high give me xans”.
And at the last week or so when i used, i didn’t even got the good effects like muscle relaxation and stuff. Instead it was just a weird numbness. Like i felt totally emotionless zombie like mental state.
So like does anyone know why i want to go back to it even tho it isn’t good? Like i didn’t even feel good when i was on it last time, so why do i wanna go back? It’s crazy. It’s nonsense.
Btw i will talk to my psychiatrist next week monday when i have an appointment and ask him to help me find some addictologist to help with this mental addiction stuff.