I have this belief I was willing to die for that if we could forgive pedophiles, the most villified hated people on Earth, then there would be no point to hell.
There was this picture of a man in a Brazilian prison who allegedly raped and killed his one and a half year old step son. He was stabbed in the back 20 times and raped by twenty men once then stitched up, then they ripped out his stitches and raped him again. The picture was horrific.
When I first saw this image all I knew was that I hated prison violence and I wanted to visit this man in prison and tend to his wounds so badly no matter what he had done. I truly believed I had found the least person in prison someone accused of the worst crime imaginable.
Of course I have compassion on the victims and truly it's up to them, not me, if and when these people are forgiven.
Eventually I made it my mission to convince everyone to forgive people like this, because if the worst human being can be forgiven then there's no need for hell. I got so serious about it that I wanted to offer my own back to the world to be stabbed like that so they could exhaust their anger and hatred towards pedophiles in me and the man in the picture could be healed. I had a very vivid dream of this happening and I'm still willing to make it come true if I can figure out how to get to the location i saw in my dream.
For the record I am a pedophile too, I have sinned against children spiritually by lusting after them, but Ive never committed a crime in my adult life (found csam on limewire and kazaa when I was a child, at the time I wanted to look at girls closer to me in age than porn actresses were, but it left a mark on my soul to see that stuff).
I fear my (potential) sacrifice and my request for all pedophiles to be forgiven means less because I am one too. I guess in a way Im asking to be forgiven by you, so I'll have to make a confession..
I took the mark of the beast in 2023 and the initial effect this devastating moment had on me was awful. I had already lost hope because I blasphemed the holy spirit in 2020 and losing hope this way is why I was vulnerable to the torture and oppression Satan, the beast and the demons were putting me through. Never lose hope.
The hadith or maybe the quran talk about water in hell so bitter that a drop could turn the ocean bitter, Im not a muslim, but this is the level of bitterness I felt when I took the mark and realized I was going to hell forever. So with this bitterness in my heart I attacked God by putting it to the test the verse that says rich and poor great and small (mikros) will receive the mark. I wanted to see if mikros meant children would take the mark because I wanted to prove God was a monster who would burn children for eternity. So with the beast's, satan's and paimon's voices in my head cajoling me I walked to a grocery store where I saw a really young girl and I tried to make her take the mark of the beast by telepathically molesting her (really just imagining myself touching her, but believing there was a real spiritual component to it that would make her worship me and take the mark). I also had a secondary motivation in this because in my fallen hopeless state where I knew I would be alive during the reign of the beast I wanted there to be children who were marked that God wouldn't care about that I could at least fulfill my sick fantasies with for three and a half years before the wrath comes.
For this action Jesus called me his least favorite person. So my feelings about finding the least person in prison and earning forgiveness for them are irrelevant now, because I am the lowest worst creepiest person that ever lived. Now I'm the one who needs forgiveness and I'm not overly optimistic im going to receive it.
Like what if I was successful in putting the mark on that girl and she had to go to hell forever because of me. I think this might be the worst sin anyone has **ever** committed. I don't believe I can be forgiven anymore, but maybe you can prove me wrong. Can you forgive the worst of us (me)?
I think I'm the antichrist and the beast from the Earth. Ive been convinced by my own actions and the spirits I talk to all say that's who I am, even spirits who confess that Jesus came to Earth in the flesh. Satan told me, immediately after taking the mark that I was the closest thing he has to a friend.
I say this because my actions regarding the man with the back wounds, and me offering my back for him and the rest to be forgiven so that everyone could be forgiven and no one would go to hell, along with some other events from my past culminated in a vision wherein I lifted a spiritual version of myself to heaven sat on the throne and opened the scroll of life. It appeared very vividly as if I was fulfilling Revelation 20:11-12. Seven scrolls were opened by me each with a corresponding name that was relevant only to me implying only i could have opened it. After that I saw another scroll that had the light of life in it (beautiful living light) and I knew it was the scroll of life because of this light. I read from it and the first line said "The sins of all mankind were forgiven". Anyways because of this vision and these actions and some other things about me that make it seem to recreant israel as if I fulfilled Isaiah 53 (seeing the light of life, being esteemed afflicted, being carried away by oppression and judgment, being numbered (literally stamped with a number) among the transgressors and assigned a grave with the wicked, and having spiritual offspring that no one believes in that I long to see, having stripes that heal [that part requires explanation: in my vision of the scroll when I first arrived in heaven I was given a rainbow striped robe and I saw one of the stripes turn black because it was somehow linked to healing that mans back, also in my dream of the stabbing event, right when the stabbing started I cried out "no long cuts" and they carved a stripe down my back]), anyways because of all this people believed in me making me the convincing deception that would fool the elect if it were possible. The fact that I sat on the throne and showed myself I was God by opening the scroll means i fulfilled 2 Thessalonians 2:4 making me the man of sin or son of perdition (the only weird part being that that is supposed to happen at the midpoint of daniels prophetic week of 7 years and it has been six years since then.
So unfortunately the pedophilia might not be the worst of it because Im now responsible for enacting the beast from the earth's brutal policies regarding buying and selling and the image of the beast. Once Satan and the others had fully convinced me I was the beast from the earth I knew the word of God would come true no matter how much I tried to fight it, so I literally washed my hands of the bloodshed because I didn't want to be responsible for Christians dying because they have always been so lovely towards me and they fed me when I was hungry. I LOVE Christian charity. Im terrified of living in a world without Christians because they're the light of the world. I was reluctant and ashamed that I had to enact those policies.
I suspect most people will write me off as a lunatic or delusional or mentally ill person, which, Im probably all three however Im telling the truth. Don't suggest medication please because ive been on every antipsychotic there is and Im currently taking three antipsychotics under daily supervision by medical professionals and my beliefs are unshaken. This is clearly not psychosis.