My husband and I recently separated due to his mental and verbal abuse, manipulation, not feeling safe, among many other things. He's staying at a friends house and allowed me to keep our apartment. I guess I want to know, what are our next steps? I talked to my Christian mentor about this, but she wants me to take the lead on this and make a plan to make sure I stick with it so I can end this abuse cycle. *We have no children

The only thing I have so far is we both are seeing individual Christian counselors and I'm going to sign us up for marriage counseling as well. Focusing all our time on the Lord and healing, going to church, etc.

When will I know it's the right time for him to come home? Just need some guidance and support please and thank you

I (30M) and my wife (30F) are both fairly shy to each other for some reason when it comes to bedroom talk. Her and I have both lived very different sex lives before her and I met and married.

But our bedroom has become very vanilla in the sense that it always starts the same way doing the same positions and kinda just going through the motions and it’s been getting a bit boring.

What are some things you all have done to spice things up outside of just getting new lingerie pieces. We have started incorporating toys more and that helped quite a bit and she liked a gag so we are very open to many things. Just no 3rds as we do not believing in sharing one another.

TIA!

I have been seeing on my social media, dismissive, rude, and downright toxic posts about wives who call their husbands leader. They say the wife is brainwashed and oppressed and the husband is weilding the gospel as a weapon and using it to assert power.
Now bc I know this happens, I’m not minimizing that fact. But to judge the wives as brainwashed victims and the husbands as being the above, is just disgusting to me.
I CHOSE to submit. I’m not brainwashed by anyone to do it. I guess it’s more in my nature, but as I’ve matured, I’ve actually grown in my choice to submit to my husband, he leads our family, bc he’s good at it! I trust him! I’m not stupid. I’m not naive. I’m not weak. I’m not a victim. I am not oppressed either. I’m actually STRONGER, LOUDER, and MORE opinionated, even though I still choose submission. His leadership didn’t take away my voice, my feelings, my thoughts, my opinions, but he did make my life so much easier!
I’ve known both sides of this. But I want to hear from the wives, who are strong, who are wise, smart women, who also acknowledge their husbands as a godly leader.

Please help! My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We both believe in Christ and are active members of a church and I just found out he has had a porn addiction the whole time. I knew this was an issue before we got married and when we exchanged vows I truly believed he put it in the past. I found out by searching on his computer, and what led me to it was increasingly suspicious behavior over the years. I confronted him about it multiple times and he lied, even when I had proof. Saying someone took his phone or accidentally clicking on a site. But I dug deeper and found his porn account with proof that it is used on a daily basis. He comes home from work (he works until midnight so he comes home late) and locks his office room door every night.

So my biggest question here is, how do I confront him about this? We are still pretty new members to this church so I don't know anyone personally to reach out to, and I've already asked my husband if we could talk to the pastor together for marriage counseling and he agreed to it. Should I wait and confront him there and then so he can be held accountable and we can have a productive conversation instead of an argument? Or should I just calmly confront him myself before meeting with the pastor when he gets home from work, having evidence prepared in case he denies it again?

I truly want the best route to go about this and have been praying and waiting patiently. I know I can't continue like this anymore, I'm currently pregnant and it's too much to bear.

Before getting married, I honestly thought that if two people really loved each other, communication would just come naturally. I figured we'd have disagreements now and then, but that we'd always know how to work through them because we cared about each other.

Instead, marriage has shown me how quick I can be to get defensive, how often I assume I know what my spouse means before they've finished talking, and how hard it can be to admit when I'm wrong. The love was always there but it didn't automatically make me patient, humble or a better listener. If anything, it revealed the areas where I still have a lot of growing to do.

I'm grateful for that because I know God uses marriage to shape us but some days it's harder than I expected. Has anyone else found that marriage exposed more about your own weaknesses than your spouse's?

never thought I would be writing something like this, but I feel completely lost and heartbroken. I’m looking for honest advice, especially from people who understand marriage, faith, and trying to do what is right.
My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2 years. He is 28 and I am 24. He is the only man I have ever been with, so this relationship and this marriage have been a huge part of my life. I didn’t enter this marriage casually, and I don’t take the thought of walking away lightly.
We have two children together, and our youngest is 13 months old. I am still breastfeeding, and I have been trying so hard to hold my family together. But lately, I feel like I’m losing myself in the process.
My husband has repeatedly crossed boundaries in our marriage. He has cheated multiple times , and I recently caught him paying multiple women for naked pictures, including much older women. He constantly makes comments about cheating or tells me he’s cheating with different people. Sometimes he later says he was “joking,” but the things he says and does have caused so much damage to my trust and my emotional well-being.
One thing I can’t get out of my head is something he said during an argument. He told me, “I only sleep with you to make you feel good and to shut you up about it. I’m not even attracted to you, that’s why I don’t go down there.”
He says these things when we are arguing, and those words have deeply hurt me. I gave birth to his child, I’m breastfeeding, and my body has changed. I haven’t lost a single pound since giving birth 13 months ago. I’m not saying that as an excuse I have genuinely been trying. I have been eating in a calorie deficit and trying to take care of myself, but my body has been holding onto weight. Hearing my husband insult my body, make comments about my breasts, and tell me he isn’t attracted to me has completely affected my confidence.
He also talks to me in ways that hurt me. He calls me names, disrespects me, and makes me feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells.
Another painful part is his behavior toward women close to me. He has always been very lustful toward my friends and has crossed boundaries with them. I found out he was sending inappropriate messages to my best friend. She came to me and told me what happened, and he tried to deny it, but she had proof.
Recently, he did something similar again with another one of my good friends. He had Facebook Dating behind my back and tried to connect with my friend through there, and she told me about it.
I also recently found out he has a fake Instagram account with a large following. He denied that it was his account, but I sent the account to his phone, and I later found out that account was sending pictures of another woman. I also found out he sent a friend request to one of my friends from that account.
At this point, I feel like I’m married to someone who constantly seeks attention from other women while disrespecting me and damaging our marriage. I feel like I keep forgiving, hoping things will change, and trying to hold everything together for our children.
The hardest part is that I am a Christian woman. I believe in marriage. I believe in commitment. I believe in fighting for my family. I don’t take divorce lightly. But I’m struggling to understand where the line is between fighting for my marriage and staying in something that is breaking me down.
I have also been a stay-at-home mom, so leaving feels terrifying. I don’t have savings. I don’t have my driver’s license yet, but I recently got my permit and have been practicing. I was dependent on him financially because he is the provider in our home. However, I recently got hired for a job, and I’m trying to start building my own independence.
I love my children, and I want what is best for them. But I also don’t want them growing up thinking this is what love and marriage are supposed to look like.
For those who have been through something similar, especially Christian women: how did you know when it was time to walk away? How do you leave when you have children, no savings, and you’ve built your entire adult life with one person? How do you know when you’ve done everything you can?
I’m looking for wisdom, honesty, and perspective.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months, friends for a few years, and are about to start our senior year of college. She has been one of the most wonderful blessings of my life, and I of hers. Naturally, as marriage is something we both deeply desire, we recently started more seriously discussing a future together as husband and wife. After college, she has aspirations to go into the film industry, while I will be in technology.

Last week, she started an internship with a major studio as they film their final season of a TV show. This internship has brought up some significant doubts for her about compatibility between a film career (which includes lots of travel) and marriage/family. The thing is that she has struggled with anxiety in some capacity at every stage of our relationship, even before we officially began the relationship, and I suspect that the root of these doubts is less about a real incompatibility between our hopes for the future and more about a desire for control and certainty about the future.

The other component is her conviction about purpose. She firmly believes that this career is the only thing that will bring her purpose and fulfillment, and that it is the field that the Lord has specifically called her into. She feels that if she chooses marriage over this career (I don't believe that it has to be an either-or situation), she will be sacrificing her divine purpose to pursue a personal desire (not acceptable). Of course, I am not in a position to debate with anyone about their God-given purpose, and I do indeed believe that God has a purpose for all people beyond the general calling to spread his Kingdom; I'm just unconvinced at this point that these convictions can be backed up by anything biblical.

If I'm right, and this truly isn't about incompatibility, although she thinks it is, then it makes me so sad that feelings of doubt, fear, and uncertainty are causing her to draw away from an objectively good relationship that has brought us each closer to God and made each of us more Christlike. From her perspective, I know that this looks like an insurmountable obstacle.

Furthermore, she is afraid that I will not be able to support her and her calling in film without sacrificing my own purpose. My perspective on this is that marriage always requires sacrifice, and that, of course, people will have more resources to fulfill a career as a single person than they would if they were married. And is marriage not a new purpose to those who participate in it? One that is instituted and supported by God?

I'm posting this half for advice and to hear other perspectives, and half just for me to organize my own thoughts about the situation. I'd love to hear your ideas about "purpose," especially if you can back them up biblically, because as well as the anxiety, it seems possible that this is a concept that we just don't see eye-to-eye on right now.

My husband is extremely addicted to pornography. It has greatly affected our bedroom. No matter what I do to try to spice things up it is never enough. It never has. From the time we started dating he has always had very inappropriate social media activity. Nearly naked to fully naked women all over his phone. He would even save or screenshot womens certain body parts. I have always been super insecure about my breast size and he has always known this. He hyperfocuses on women with extremely large breasts. I dont understand why in the world he willingly chose to date and marry a woman who has never been his type. Its not like I hid my natural shape. I never wore push up bras or anything showing more than I had. We talked about this many times because my intuition was always on point and it would urge me to look at his phone and sure enough find something. He always promised it wasn't that I wasn't enough and wanted to stop. He never stopped he just got better at hiding it.

I’ve been divorced for four and a half years. We’ve are 65 and 67 and mostly retired. My intended has been widowed for thirty months from a wonderful man that she was married to for forty two years. The last ten years he was in incredible pain and bedridden fifteen to sixteen hours a day and greatly diminished the rest of the time.

My marriage was a struggle for a variety of reasons. I basically married my dismissive avoidant mother. Her faith was insincere, she embraced and discarded it at her convenience and lived for the approval of her very mean, unchristian sisters. I was relieved when she asked for a divorce and I will always be grateful she did it.

Outside of health and financial issues she had a wonderful marriage.

We have decided to marry after many months of living apart in separate houses while otherwise spending 90% of our free time together with much of that in fellowship with other Christian couples and taking care of her elderly parents. I mow the grass, paint and do repairs around her house. I’ve brought her elderly vehicle back to life and do many of the day to day chores.

I am also experiencing true love and acceptance in a Christ centered relationship for the first time in my life. Every moment with her is pure joy and our few disagreements have only strengthened our relationship.

My issue is that she still wears her ring on her right hand and her husbands ashes are still prominently displayed first in the great room and then in bedroom.

Is this a sign that she is not ready to move on with me? I am grateful that he tended to her heart and spirit in such a way that she came to me with a vibrant , loving soul instead of being burned out and bitter. Frankly I am wondering if I will always be playing second fiddle to a ghost.

Thank you for your input.

When my husband and I get into a disagreement or argument I constantly feel like he wants me to agree with him on my motives or else whatever I say is not what actually happened.

We had a disagreement about an age rating in a show for our daughter. I didn’t realize he had seen the age rating and I blurted out loudly “that’s 14+ that’s 14+” mind you we’ve been having a great day and week up until then, so it was really out of the blue response to me saying that.. and then it turned into me not trusting him to read the age rating. That’s not at all what crossed my mind it was a quick reaction to seeing it and wasn’t aware he had, that’s different than me not trusting him. Also I didn’t say it ugly by any means at all. This isnt just any tv show it’s an anime app which already had my alerts up but I did trust my husband to make a judgment call.

Even when I own “I shouldn’t have said it that way it was just a reacting quickly to the age rating”

It feels like he wants me to own a motive i don’t believe i had. “You’re right, I said it that way because I thought you were going to play it without looking” aka I don’t trust your parenting in his mind. OR my other option is “I speak without thinking and had an emotional response”

Those were basically my two options this time. Usually they are always some form of these 2 options.

It seems like the first kind of accountability isn’t accepted by him unless i also accept his second.

When I try and explain my intentions, I’m told Im avoiding accountability.

His thinking feels so black and white and honestly makes me feel crazy. Because I know myself and my motives and it feels like he auto thinks the worst of me in those moments.

No he wont do therapy. Id like advice or even some solidarity would make me feel better at this point.

My husband claims to be a Christian man but he follows stuff about so called "twin flames". He believes he has a connection with a coworker. He looks her up on social media all the time. Somehow he thinks that because he cannot keep her out of his mind it is a sign she and him are connected.

I am very hurt because I believe in marriage the way the Bible says. I dont believe Jesus would intend on someone else getting my husbands attention when he's married to me.

Christian husbands need to support each other. Are you aware of any groups that are supportive of Christian husbands?

We've been married for 20 years. We are both Christian. We have three teenage kids.

Personal background: We both have experienced childhood abuse (physical / mental / sexual abuse). I'm a military veteran and I see a Christian therapist for PTSD. I hit rock bottom about 4 years ago and have been making great progress on my on life spiritually / emotionally.

Sex and intimacy are part of the problem but that's only half of the story. She's always had a low sex drive and I've had a very high one. The real issue is not the frequency of sex but the fact that frequently / cyclically, she'll withdraw almost completely from me, offering zero touch or affection of any kind. This has been a pattern over the course of our entire marriage and it's driven me nearly insane. I've spent so many years thinking it was a problem with me, that I just wasn't being a good enough husband. I've communicated with her repeatedly with little result. I've done all of the things. I've made a huge effort to be a good provider, a good listener, thoughtful. I'm helpful around the house. I'm the sole income in our family and I make sure she has plenty of personal time and finances to pursue interests, hobbies, friendships. By all accounts I've done everything I can to be the best possible husband. Beyond this I'm extremely involved with my kids and spend as much quality time with them as I can.

The other major part of this cycle of withdrawal on her part are these arguments we have. Once again, I thought the problem was all on my side. After 20 years and some therapy (I'm the only one who goes to counseling) I've started to understand that the fault in these major blowup arguments have a lot more to do with what's going on inside her than me. The arguments always start with some kind of boundary on my part, or maybe something I've disagreed with that she's doing or saying. The most recent one started because she was laying down some very critical gossip about someone. After 15 minutes of patient listening, I tried to change the subject and move on to a more productive topic, but she persisted and eventually I just told her that we needed to stop this and move on. I did not raise my voice or express anger. She became extremely angry, shouting and screaming at me, saying I was treating her like a child. When I tried to respond, she left the room and slammed the door in my face mid-sentence. Then she when downstairs and slammed a bunch of dishes around in the kitchen. After an hour, she was ok...and just pretended like nothing ever happened.

These kinds of arguments, with the requisite screaming, throwing things, deflecting, silent treatment, have been a regular (approx monthly) feature of our marriage. Afterward, she'll withdraw from me and be extremely cold and distant, sometimes for a week, sometimes for months on end. Never once in our marriage has she ever apologized to me for anything at all. I'm usually the one offering apologies regardless of who is at fault (I've recently learned to stop doing that).

I've tried to get her to go to a Christian counselor and work through some of her issues but she refuses. I've loved her all this time and worked really hard at being a good husband but at this point...it's getting worse, and more difficult to keep going and I'm feeling basically like my life is not worth living anymore. I think the reason I'm still living is because I love my kids too much to punch my ticket early.

I'm in quite a difficult spot and exhausted and the illusion that things are going to get better has been dispelled, leaving me without any good ideas. I don't want a divorce but I don't want to live this way anymore either.

I've been with my husband for fifteen years and ignorantly never thought porn was an interest of his. We have a very active sex life, yet I noticed that in the past few years he was not initiating sex first. Last year was when i discovered his search history showed porn. We've had countless conversations on his recurring porn use and how it is hurtful that he is getting off to other women. I am just heartbroken and have obsessive thoughts about it from being hurt so many times. How can I even trust him that the most recent time was the last time. I don't want to live anymore because my marriage is a sham and he just told me that I should go to a psyche ward.

I know this is a spiritual battle inside of me but does anyone have advice or can provided ideas on how to cope?

Here is my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianmarriage/comments/1u70abq/intimacy_struggles_in_marriage/

Honestly, just popping on here to vent as things really have not gotten any better, unfortunately. I tried to read the book a bunch of people recommended: The Great Sex Rescue. I read part of the first chapter, and unfortunately, he cut me off to play video games with his friends. I have no problem with him playing games (I play them myself), but I was pretty hurt that he could not delay playing with them to at least let me read the first chapter.

In a way, he has made me feel ashamed for some of the desires that I have brought up or things I have wanted to try. I do not feel that I am asking for anything that is not biblical at all, but still, I'm finding that he is really not open to anything besides the same 3 positions in the same place every single time.

This is leading to me getting increasingly frustrated, and I'm sure that my frustration can come out in my tone - I know this bothers him, and I am trying to work on this. Admittedly, I see posts on TikTok about other women talking about their spouses and making playful jokes about how much their husbands desire them. I know that this is not a healthy behavior to compare myself to someone else's marriage, but it is making me see such a lack in my own marriage. I think at my core, I just want to feel truly desired by him, and I don't in the way that resonates for me.

I think it is also due to the fact that I don't really have anyone in my personal life that I can open up to about this. I don't feel super comfortable talking to my friends about it, as I don't know if it is even something they would be open to discussing.

Sorry for the long rant, but have any women on here gone through the same thing? Would love to hear that I am not alone in this and maybe some success stories. Thank you all!

Unequally yoked

I 36(F) and my husband 41(M) have found ourselves in a "not-equally-yoked" situation. We Met and fell in love at a time when I had taken a back seat from serving in church and was a believer, albeit a lukewarm believer. 4 years into our marriage I have recently rekindled my fire for Christ and started afresh my Walk with Him. Issue is...my husband is far from that. He was raised catholic, and has been for the most part willing to attend Sunday Service with me at an evangelical church, but nothing more. We have a lovely relationship and i'd love to keep it that way in keeping with 1st Corinthians 7:13-14

13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Has anyone Here been in a similar Situation? How did you handle it? Did your significant other find their way to Christ through your intercession?

I'm also open to fellowship or virtual Christian groups/Bible study tailored to such situations. Open to recommendations and dms.

Stay blessed.

Hello, I am seeking prayer for help to be a Godly wife, but also on the wisdom to do what is needed in an emotionally harmful marriage. Any prayer or advice on what to do would be appreciated. 

My husband(25) and myself(25), have been together for about 7 years now. We got together in high school and dated through college. We got married in fall 2025, so it's been almost a year now. 
We dated long distance but met through friends. We made sure to visit each other for a couple weeks multiple times a year. He was always there for me during my mental illness and grief of losing loved ones. He would call and we’d play video games a lot during the dating years. I would also help him with his university homework til dawn and cheered him on to graduate.
Despite all this good our relationship has seen, there have been really low lows. For myself first, I  would due to previous trauma lock-up when we argued, and I have worked to be better about that. But this would egg him on to ask why I don’t care, and eventually he became… After a couple months, he became more aggressive verbally. He would call me names.
I eventually put my foot down on this, we took a break and he went to therapy. We got back together after prayer and time away to try again. It went well, so we got engaged. 
This was a great period for us, for about 18 months we only had an argument or two that reverted to old ways. I felt really loved and seen, respected. We prayed together, read the bible together, and overall he led me to be more committed to Christ than ever before. We were excited to get married, our families were excited for us.
The wedding comes, and it’s just us. We have had trouble kicking off intimacy and it’s a bit better, still not good though which has hurt me, but God is there for me on that one.

So we’re married now. The main thing has become our fights going back to the old ways. On our way home from the honeymoon he sped the car up dangerously and it really scared me. I lashed out at him verbally but we made up. I honestly regret that and since then have prayed and worked tirelessly on my temper. I still have moments of weakness but am trying to be a Godly, submissive wife. 
He, much to my heartache, has fallen farther out of love for me, or it feels that way. And I genuinely worry for his relationship with God. At first it was just harsh words and telling me to be more submissive during our fights. It progressed to him calling me awful names, and eventually the r-slur. I would get back at him a couple times start yelling these words back, but I felt ashamed and repented immediately to Christ, along with apologizing to my husband even if he never did for his own actions. 
As time has gone on these fights have become farther apart til I took a trip to visit my family, now he sleeps in a different bed from me, and doesn’t like to hang out with me. He says I always am nagging him. (I wake him up because he will sleep all day, remind him to clean, or just ask if we can go shop/get dinner out) I genuinely don’t know what to do, last night for example I went down to get water and he asked why I was downstairs - he was in a different room in the downstairs yet asked why I was there. He proceeded to tell me to go back to bed and called me a name degrading my intelligence, a frequent tactic of his. It's been over a month since we shared a bed for more than one night randomly here 'n there.
The other thing that scares me is he doesn’t mind behaving this way in front of his parents, even though his mother tells him to not treat me like that. She prays for our marriage often and always offers me hugs + starbucks. My parents are aware there is some verbal-abuse going on, but I have kept them mostly in the dark because I fear they would be mad at me for staying and trying to fix this.

So. What am I doing? I am praying to God every day for help, seeking our Father on lonely nights, and sending anonymous prayer requests to our church almost every week. I try to invite my husband to bed or to watch a movie with me to rekindle, but most nights he sleeps in his own bed and me alone. I am trying, but I genuinely don’t know what more to do. I also cannot sincerely take much more, I can’t take being screamed at in private or not sleeping because I am being neglected day and night. I’ve let him know that if he has another screaming fit at me I will fly back to take some time with my parents so I am trying to have some boundaries, but I naturally want to forgive him because I dearly love this man. 

He doesn’t believe in divorce, I don’t like it but can’t say it is not occurring to me. What does the Bible and our Elders advise on a situation like this? What other options do I have? Fellow sisters in Christ, what would you advise me? Please keep us in your prayers.

I’m sorry if it is not properly worded, I am happy to clarify more. I just have never asked for help before.  Thank you if anyone bothers to read this far. (Please don't just say leave him, I feel worn-down and know it is wise, but need to try every option before I will consider it seriously)

My birthday is gonna be on 23rd this July and in long distance marriage with my husband.

I saw my mother in law said “Happy early birthday, just in case I’m not feeling well” in a family group chat. I know she has mental issue so i can i understand sometimes she will feeling unwell and tend to forget things.

But my husband send me text 3 hours after my mother in law sent text:

Him: Happy birthday 🎂 You can use my card to buy a cake to share with your friends

Me: Today is not my birthday~ Its okay, my friend usually buy my cake. Seems you never remember the exact date of my birthday...

Him: Its the 23rd I know. My mom wrote it, so I wrote it as well in case I forget to write the same day

Since we were dating until now, I have never truly felt that I was important to him or that I was his priority.
Maybe he’ll say, “You are important to me. You are my priority. I care about you.” But I’ve been paying attention to the patterns over the years.

Most of the time, when we have arguments, I feel abandoned. It’s rare for me to hear he says, “I don’t want us to stay like this. Let’s talk.” Instead, my messages are often left on read.

When I tell him that something hurts me, I often feel like I’m being told that I’m asking for too much. And i feel like he doesnt really care if im hurting or not..

We were dating for 3 years but every year he would forget my birthday..

When we were vacation in Japan, I told him how important it was for me to have a wheelchair or at least seats together on the bus because of my chronic ilnesses condition. He said he forgot about the bus, and that he couldn’t arrange the wheelchair because his amazon account was blocked, but it felt like there wasn’t much effort to find another solution.

The same happened with my visa. I always be the one who brought it up first, and ended up having to keep following up about it to him..

I’m tired of always being the one who has to initiate everything. It’s becoming harder and harder for me to see him acting as my husband and as the leader of this family. I feel like he will choose what is more comfortable with him..

Hello! My wife and I have been married for a couple years now, and we have an amazing sex life. Her and I are combined at the hip in life and in the bed. However, we have been wondering where our Christian brothers and sisters stand on sex toys in marriage? Our church friends told us that they had used them in bed for years, and feel like it’s a fun every once and awhile kind of thing. I feel like it’s not sinful to enjoy pleasuring each other in our marriage, but I guess purity culture has kinda damaged me in the back of my mind.

My wife and I have been married 10 years. We have 3 kids and another on the way. We love each other completely and wholly. The issue... I have a very high drive with... I guess we'll say varied tastes and wants. Meanwhile, she is very low drive (once every week or two) and is very conservative and vanilla.

We have talked a lot about things I would want to do or try (All still very acceptable within the premises of marriage.) but she still thinks it's "disgusting" and "doesn't want to talk about it again."

There are some things, like initiation and enthusiasm, that she says she wants to work on, but never follows through (something that is a trend outside the bedroom as well.)

I'm kinda at the end of my rope, ready to just turn inward and take care of things myself. It's not what I want. I want my wife, but she seems disinterested in both the bedroom and in bettering herself. Am I the problem here? I just keep pushing all these things down and it sucks.

My wife and I have been married several years now. We are an older couple in our mid-40s..   whether we should have or not, we did have sex during our dating phase, it was spontaneous, frequent and enjoyable.  While that started to dry up when we decided to become engaged, it became nearly non-existent after the ceremony..it has become something that happens about once a year, and usually concludes with her saying that she's just not into it anymore, and without either of us having an orgasm, partially because of my belief in the idea that ladies should go first, but that is something that had not been an issue prior to being married. 

Undoubtedly, there are a lot of issues at play. Our age, the fact that I work 100 hour weeks farmer),  and am usually operating under a huge stress loads which undoubtedly make their way home and come with a cost.  I could understand if she were to complain that I sometimes feel distant or preoccupied.   At the same time, when I am home she spends nearly all for time on her phone, and seems to avoid eye contact when we talk.    She is going through perimenopause,   and is frequently tired in general,  and often seems to do fairly little in a day, which I will admit is somewhat frustrating to me.    It's not that I have expectations about what she should be doing, it's just that productivity is definitely one of my values, and I'm finding it difficult to respect somebody who doesn't seem to value it, that is something about her that seemed to have changed after we got married and I became that financial safety net.

We have had discussions regarding intimacy,  those conversations really haven't changed very much in terms of how we interact with each other, minus what I'll get to in a bi. t I still make sort of small daily bids for intimacy, I I.e soft kisses on the neck or light touches, still offer massages,  and I often get the comment. That feels nice, but these bids are very rarely reciprocated,  or get any sort of response beyond that. Usually after five minutes or so when it's clear that it's not going to go anywhere, and it's questionable whether it's something she wants, I'll quit and leave her be.

Occasionally, after I quit, it'll be like 5 minutes later that, it's like she gets the hint that that was a bid, and there'll be some sort of conversation? "Like what are your expectations?"...   Usually by then, I've accepted the rejection, and have shut down.   Honestly, I don't have any expectations, if it's not something she wants naturally, I don't want us to have sex just because it's some sort of check the box activity of having to appease her husband ,and if she decides to try to start anything after that conversation, it's honestly kind of off-putting to me.,   which results in the conversation of "you say you want sex but then when I offer it you always turn me down"..... Which to be fair isn't completely inaccurate. 

I'm frustrated and confused, I really don't want to be in a sexless marriage,  but why is it that when she maybe does give me a  chance, I don't really want it anymore either.  Ultimately, I understand that marriage is a really serious commitment and it's supposed to be modeled after Christ's sacrifice,  but there's part of me that deeply desires for that relationship to be more than just I get to provide and support her material and emotional comfort,   while feeding deeply unseen, unappreciated and unwanted at the same time.  Obviously, I'm part of the problem,  and at this point I regret getting married, and feel trapped,  which I know is not how you're supposed to view marriage,.  I know we don't get to change other people, that's the only thing I can really change this myself, I'm struggling to understand what I need to change internally, or where to start, and I'm struggling to figure out where that line is between respecting the institution of marriage and it being modeled after Christ's sacrifice, and at what point is it just self-abandonment and a guaranteed recipe for an ugly end the longer it lasts?

Hello I a mom to a one year old daughter. I work full time remote (although remote my job requires me to be at a desk the 80-85% of time). Everyday work looks a little different. Some days I am able to give my daughter more than 3 hours of my attention. Sometimes only 2. And by attention I mean doing activities like taking her out to the park etc not the necessities.I don’t need anyone bashing me about this because we are trying our best here.

Work however has become extremely stressful and completely draining. And since I am also caring for a baby and a house wife with responsibilities each category is suffering in its own unique way. For work I recently made an extremely huge mistake that caused a domino affect and it emotionally and mentally affected me in such a bad way. I was ready to quit. I also have the guilt of not giving my child enough time and the guilt of not being able to focus on cooking and maintaining the home.

With this said I am at the point where I’m really considering quitting. The burden is so heavy on me. I’m thinking of just focusing on my child and home and if possible doing social media in hopes it provides some money to keep us afloat. Quitting will take a huge hit in our finances and goals so I have to find a way to still being in some income. BUT at the same time I am troubled if this is the right direction. I have huge guilt to quit and leave my husband with all the responsibility to maintain us. He already stresses so much about finances it worries me I will make things even worse for him (even tho he said I can quit).

I really really don’t know what to do. I have prayed about this and have not received a reply from God since my daughter was born. I just feel lost on what to do.

Friend hit wife of 16 years for the first time. I’m disgusted with the behaviour - We are supporting the wife and kids through it and the wife will get support from support groups. The justice system will be harsh on the guy and most of his friends would not associate with him. I’m repulsed too. He will probably lose his two jobs which are the main income sources. As a Christian, we are taught to love our neighbors - hate the sin, love the sinner.
How can practise this? What support should I give this man and give him hope?

His new wife, has been raised in a misogynistic household, and it’s brought some trauma to her. As a result she is even more proactive than I am when it comes to words and things. Now I am also one to buck the system, but I’ve got the wisdom too, she doesn’t have yet.
But she has also opened my eyes to things, as to just how often women come second to men.
For example, Mr and Mrs, husband and wife, the man’s name before the wife’s name. Sometimes the wife’s name is left out completely, like Mr and Mrs John Smith.
The flip side of this is that my son came second in the wedding in almost every way, except for when the officiate did the wedding. Almost everything had her name first, which really is okay. But it just made me wonder, someone’s name has to come first, why is it so often the man’s name first? And how can two people navigate this so that the other one never feels second fiddle?