we broke up around 2 ish months ago and she ended up taking about a week or so of space for herself. after that, she texted me periodically for around a month. eventually i told her this wasn’t exactly working for me and i needed some space to move on or think about things before we can really just be friends. she was a little confused as to why it was taking me so long to move on, the relationship only lasted 4 months but we’d been talking for longer and i’ve known her for over a year. anyway her response was fine and respectful, she told me i could just text whenever i was feeling better about things.

so three weeks go by and i am at a point where im not exactly over her still but i am warming up to the idea of just being friends and I figure I miss knowing her, I can deal with it and I'd love to enjoy having conversations with her even if they are platonic. so today finally texted her, on her number and I got this really unexpected response.

"hi lc"

"who is this. fuck off. aye, she's taken. lil boy."

"oh"

i was totally confused because i mean like i assumed she was probably seeing someone but i didnt expect him to be the one to respond, or so negatively. anyway i got super upset about it and so i moved to instagram for whatever reason and i was just really hoping i could get a real response from her. we haven’t talked in almost a month and it was just really sad to see so I wanted some sort of explanation or like apology or something because she was a really kind person when we were together. this conversation turned out much worse.

"so much for 'text me whenever.' I really cared about you. you were my best friend lc."

instead of replying she tries to call me.

"i cant call, im at work"

"real quick"

"i cant im sorry"

she calls me again and i decided like if it really is her then I have a couple of minutes to spare. and of course it totally wasnt, i picked up and he immediately started like berating and insulting me and belittling me.

"dude"

"Fuck boy. I'll beat ur ass. Ong. Look up my insta, (his insta tag) that's me dawg. Get fucked. Bye, don't text her again. Lil boy. I was in her guts last night."

"i dont really know why you're so angry with me. i'm not trying to flirt or anything i didnt mean to be hostile at all. like genuinely i just care about her."

"idgaf dawg, dont hit her up. i got ur addy. last warning. we're laughing at your pathetic ass. get a life, take a hint for real. lil virgin. lol."

and then she blocks me. i dont really understand how to feel or what to think right now. there are so many thoughts going in my head that are just awful. I really did love that lady when we were together and we've been through so much, I figured if we were friends before I could figure out how to do it again and I still don't doubt that.
but its just like everything is fucked now. im so icked that she would rather choose someone like that than me. I'm angry she bothered to let me know she wanted to be friends if she would let him do something like that. Im angry she let him do it at all. i wanted her to still care about me at the very least.
i'm still trying to process all of this.

For months/years they are your person every single day. You can tell them (hopefully) everything and then boom one day they never wanna talk to you again. It’s just mind blowing to think about.

You dont have to call them just because you miss them, learn to sit with yourself, connect with friends who care about you, talk to a therapist

But please dont open doors which were so heavy to close. God/Universe closed that door for a reason

Dont think that in "what ifs" and "closure".. Think about the good that came out of it, think about the version of you who is strong right now.

But whatever you do

Do not call them or text them. Dont even respond, because we all know how badly it will end again.

Everytime you think you need closure, so you put yourself into that situation again of calling them, hanging out with them, all in the name of "one last time", it'll leave you more devasted than before, you will start to wonder if you had been feeling better before this call or hangout etc.

SO please Love yourself, and the put the desire to be loved by someone else below and get your self-respect back up.

for context, ex (22f) broke up with me (24m) a little over two months ago. we were together over three years, and were deeply in love. i had become too passive in my own life and the relationship, leaving her to be the one who had to carry not only herself but myself through life. it was deeply exhausting and painful for her. we had so many conversations about me changing, taking a more active role in my own life and my own future, and things didnt change. the same conversation happened over and over, and she couldnt have it again. it was a loving breakup, it was very difficult for her to leave, she didnt want to do it but she knew she had to. she mentioned that she never wanted to not know me, and that she didnt know if we would be together in the future. that left a door open for my mind to occupy.

ive changed a lot, truly. its only been two months, i recognize that, but i feel more emotionally mature than i have ever been in my life. i recognize exactly what went wrong with my life, why things went stagnant, and i have been actively working on myself every day. im proud of how much ive grown and i have no intention of slowing down. i wanted to see if she would be open to hearing about my changes, so last night i sent the message as seen in the photo. i wanted to be dignified and i didnt want to enter a conversation she wasnt open to having. so i asked.

i cant pretend this didnt hurt like hell to see. i knew a no was very possible, but it was so cold, barely any words, and that was hard for me to see. it felt alien, she never spoke to me in such a terse manner. of course because im me, i instantly started analyzing and trying to figure out what this meant. the only conclusion i can safely come to is that she drew her boundary, and all i can do is respect it.

i guess i just want to know if this is as dignified as i think it is. did i mess up? dumper perspective would be most useful here, especially if it was a loving breakup. i intend on not messaging back from here on out, which hurts to say but I know its the right move. if she wants to reach me she knows how, but i suspect this may have been the last we ever speak. if you read this far ty, you rock <3

Keep seeing people saying that, especially for LDRs. This was my situation and honestly there’s never going to be a right time you just need (or needed) to put in the effort.

Every time I see someone write this it’s like a spit in the face. Take accountability! It’s not a situation out of your control you just didn’t want to fight hard enough or didn’t feel the relationship was worth it. Call things for what they are even if it’s ugly. You’re breaking up with someone and hurting them at least treat them with respect in that.

If your dumper wants to go no contact.

Go no contact.

Don't text them. Don't call them. Don't DM them. Don't contact them.

Don't beg, because it's self-deprecating and, if the person who left you isn't a complete narcissist, it's just sad to them. For your own sake, let's entertain the idea that begging DOES work, and they DO take you back: You're more likely going to end up with a partner who resents you for pressuring them back into a relationship they likely do not want to be in and you will get dumped AGAIN. Unless the both of you (and I say BOTH because, in many cases, both the dumper AND the dumpee contributed to the break-up) fix the problems that contributed to it, you're not gonna get that happy ending you're hoping for. Even then, you're likely not gonna get it. It hurts, but it's true.

Don't guilt-trip, that's shitty. Don't suicide-bait, that's exceptionally shitty and you don't deserve them back if you do that because nobody deserves a partner who hangs suicide and self-harm over their head in order to get what they want. In fact, don't date at all until you fix whatever's causing you to engage in that behavior, because it's likely that you'll do it again.

They set a firm boundary. If they want no contact, give them no contact. It hurts like hell, but, for the sake of human decency and your own self-respect, do not cross that boundary. You're hindering both of your abilities to heal when you do so, and it's not fair to either of you.

And today after not speaking to me for almost 3 days, she breaks up with me because I’m “mean” and “not nice to her all the time” 💔

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion and experience with cheaters, it will not be the same for everyone but it’s pretty darn close I would say.

So, I’ve been cheated on. It was a committed relationship, we were living together, planning next steps and just got engaged. From the outside, we had the perfect life and everyone used to say to us that they were jealous.

Deep deep down, I knew something was wrong for months. My intuition was trying to tell me but I was not listening. So much so, that this person had recommended i seek therapy as I was clearly having issues and I had myself convinced I had ROCD, because, we were so “perfect”, obviously it was my overthinking that was ruining us … WRONG!

So now for the cheating part, it is in my opinion that someone who cheats is a weak willed, insecure broken person that needs validation. It’s totally a character flaw, it has EVERYTHING to do with them and NOTHING to do with you.

If someone is so insecure and broken within themselves, they are going to seek validation from somewhere else and nothing you will ever do is good enough for them, ever. The worst thing this person has to deal with is, themselves.

They need that validation externally to feel like theyre worth it. I’m not looking to understand or give excuses for the cheater but in my experience, I would much rather be the person cheated on. Purely because, I am secure in myself, I know who I am, I know how I love, I know i’m a great person. I would hate to be someone who is so unsure and insecure in themselves, they need constant validation and ego feeding from somewhere else.

It actually must be a horrible spot to be in, needing that constant outside noise, just to quiet the inside down. I would much rather be the one who has been cheated on in that case!!

This is obviously going for someone who’s overal insecure, the cheater I dealt with was an addict (trying to hide it but didn’t do it too well), terrible with money and the most avoidant fucker you could ever meet. Nothing would ever have been good enough for her, she wanted her cake and wanted to eat it.

But it’s because, deep down, she hated herself. She self sabotaged everything because really deep deep down, she felt like she didn’t deserve any of it in the first place.

The moral of the story is, cheating is a character flaw and a sign (in my opinion) of a deep rooted self loathing that no one could have been able to fill. It’s like they are trying to fill a void into a cup that has no bottom, it’s endless, they don’t have the capacity to go without this external noice.

NOTHING YOU COULD Have DONE WOULD HAVE STOPPED THEM.

You are not less than because someone cheated on you, you should not think what you could of or should have done. It quite literally has nothing to do with you, people have choices, they could have left the relationship, they CHOSE not to.

They are obviously weak willed, with no backbone and need an ego feed from multiple sources just to feel good.

I know, I’d rather be the one cheated on! :)

You are worth it, you are loved and you are a great person. If I was cheated on I would walk with my head held high, anyone with a moral compass and decency would understand that the person who cheated is the one in the wrong.

To add to this, my situation was she has emotionally cheated by texting someone else and then lied and gaslit me for months until I had to find out of my own accord. Again, if I was the cheater I would be so embarrassed that I tried my hardest to lie and still got caught hahahahahha that’s nearly worse than the cheating. Let them go, they’ll never be happy and like I said the worst thing they will have to deal with is being themselves. It was never about you, always about them!

Hopefully this helps someone

For those that have successfully started over with an ex and things are going well, how did you go about it? My ex and I want to take things slow and he asked that we don’t text everyday. I am excited and admittedly, want to just talk with him and tell him random little things like when I come across something that made me laugh. But I’m respecting that he doesn’t want to text everyday. It’s tough, but I think it’s the right move. I told him that I’m okay with not having constant communication, but I’d like consistent communication. And when we make plans I’d like to make concrete plans and not just be a maybe that gets added to his week. Thoughts? How often do you have check ins and conversations about how things are going?

I am remaining completely anonymous because my ex has reddit. To preface, my ex and I broke up 2 years ago due to some personal issues going on in their life that are not mine to disclose. In the last couple months of last year, I received an apology, and it helped me with my feelings quite a bit at the time, but I didn't respond. Recently, an individual came into my job who looked a lot like my ex, and it kicked up a lot of feelings I hadn't addressed yet. This led to several nights of me dreaming of my ex repeatedly.

I finally decided to break no contact recently, and I wish I hadn't. I've cried more than I have in a long while. I saw that they are in a new relationship and seem very happy. I'm glad that they are doing well, but I can only imagine what our life could've been like had I not waited to respond. I regret not saying anything sooner, I want what we had back, and I know that is not possible. I thought I had moved on and healed, but I am still feeling deep hurt, and I don't think I would've stirred these emotions up had I let it be.

I had a relationship between us breaking up and now, but I ended that relationship due to unrelated issues that I needed to address. I had moved on and was ready to be out in the dating field again. Now I don't think I am, and I probably will go another year and a half before feeling ready again.

I just want them to be happy, and I am glad they are finally finding peace. This whole situation just really hurts, and I do not know how to process what I'm feeling.

i ruined the best thing i ever had. i was so hard to communicate with and was cruel at times. now i hate myself everyday for how i treated him. i can’t look myself in the mirror and just feel so awful like i don’t deserve anything. i threw it all away. i can’t live with myself. hes all i want. i dont know what to do anymore. he left.

I'm not reaching out because I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have. I still love you, and I think I always will. A part of me hopes that maybe, someday in the future, we could try again. I'm sorry. I don't want you to hate me, because the thought of that hurts. But if hating me helps you heal, then that's okay. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. I'm hurt too. I wish we had tried harder to fix things. But I can't blame you when I was the one who caused you so much pain. I want to talk to you so badly, but I know too much has happened between us. Deep down, I keep hoping you'll reach out to me, even though I know you don't feel the same way anymore.

Sometimes I go through our old chats, voice notes, and your photos. I smile, and then I cry like a baby. I wish I'd done so many things differently. I'll carry that guilt with me for a long time. I miss you. Everything reminds me of you, even the sky. I'll always cherish what we had. It was the most beautiful time of my life. I was genuinely happy with you. It was momentarily perfection. I miss my best friend and my lover. You made me feel important, cared for, and loved. You showed me what love really feels like and how deeply I could love someone. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for making me laugh just by being with you.

I don't know if we were meant to end up together, but I have no doubt that you'll always be my soulmate. I'm truly sorry for hurting you. I can only imagine what you went through because of me, and I'm sorry for every bit of it.

I still remember praying for you, and somehow I got lucky enough to have you. I tried my best, but I know I disappointed you, and I'm sorry. To me, this has never truly felt over. It was always you, or no one else. Maybe it always will be.

I'll always love you.

A few months ago, my ex-girlfriend dumped me for another guy. She cheated on me and broke my trust.

Recently, out of curiosity, I checked her social media profile. I saw that she had reposted reels and stories with captions like "All men are the same," "Men are dogs," and "If you trust a man, you will get betrayed."

I’m really confused. She is the one who betrayed me, dumped me, and left me for someone else. But then she has posted content on social media a few days after our breakup acting like she was the victim.

Why was she doing this?

The fantasies in my head have been determining my mood lately, for better or worse.

During good moments I think “she’s struggling. She misses me too. She’s living her boring life and dealing with guilt. She’ll take time to truly heal.” The shared struggle puts me in a better place and raises my confidence

During bad moments it’s “she’s already with someone else. She doesn’t ever think about me. She’s already moved on.”

Who knows what reality is, but it is so strange how much power these stupid thoughts hold over me

I also hate it that no contact was broken because he returned my things while he saw me on the same event he was in, he knocked on my car and gave me back my stuff. For him it was nothing but after I saw him, I hugged him and held his hand and he kept on saying "bye". I haven't said anything I became speechless. When I got back inside the car, I cried and my world fell apart, again.

The hardest part of all of this is still having to give 100% at work. Every day, I work with customers and have to put on a smile. But I have no motivation. No energy. No drive.
Today, I had my third conversation with my manager about how unmotivated I’ve been. It’s hard when you realize that everything you did was for “us”—and now, that “us” doesn’t exist anymore.

My last 2 breakups (over 2 years ago now) were blindside breakups where they broke up with me (I’m a woman). I’m just wondering why do men do this? Like why do they sell you a dream in the beginning, and then one day they just dump you out of nowhere? What is the thought process??? It happened over 2 years ago but I’m still annoyed about it.

I know self reflection is normal, but sometimes I fall into this pit where I focus so much on my own flaws and the ways I handled some things in the relationship (even if my ex had some blaring challenges as well) and I know nobody’s perfect but sometimes it just makes me really depressed, almost makes me question if I was a toxic person or cause a toxic relationship? even though I know to my core that I’m not. I think sometimes the wrong relationship can just bring out or exacerbate some of our unhealthy tendencies like jealousy or anger. I can just get really stuck ruminating on those thoughts and put a guilt trip on myself for the entire demise of the relationship and it makes me feel like a very flawed individual.

This was my first relationship and my first breakup. Normally, I’m a deeply private person, but the end of this relationship completely unraveled me. I know I wasn't perfect while we were together—I made mistakes during our relationship, even though I was genuinely kind to him overall. After he ended things, desperation took over and I begged for months until he blocked me. Hearing him say I ruined his week, tormented him, and was his worst ex (even compared to those who cheated) breaks my heart. It makes me deeply sad that the pain of this breakup feels even heavier than the trauma I've experienced from SA.

I won the title: "crazy ex."

Should I buy a gift for my ex?

Hi all (21 M). I broke up with my ex last month and it's his birthday next week. I was wondering if I should buy him something for his birthday. He bought me a gift on my birthday and he sacrificed his last money to buy me a gift. He was the only person who bought me a gift and that made my 21st birthday feel special. I still love him but my intention is not to get him back. Should I do it?

This is a different type of heart break for me truly 😭. We dated in 2023 but around 2024 it was a bit rocky. We made it to the beginning of 2025 but I could tell he wasn’t feeling the same towards me and we ended it. I was heart broken, because to me he was the love of my life. I just wasn’t his. He met someone knew and he’s been with her since. Couple weeks ago I was snooping and found her social media and she just happened to post their baby who looks just like him. We talked about having kids during our relationship because he wanted kids. I told him I didn’t care, if that’s where he wanted me to be, I’d get there for him, with him… I just wasn’t the one for him. It just hurts. They’re a beautiful couple, with a beautiful baby. And I’m here. 2 years later, still sad, still thinking of him and what could’ve been. Sigh.

She left in the most evasive way possible, knowing that her pulling away was hurting me; yet she felt she didn't owe it to me to keep up appearances, all without clearly telling me if we still had a future.

That’s why, just four months after the breakup, she was already with someone else; she had allowed herself months to emotionally detach, while I was fighting a losing battle.

I realize there’s nothing I can do and that I need to move on, but I keep dwelling on things and comparing myself to others.

The problem is the people around me. Everyone is pushing me to meet someone new, and new people expect me to flirt back, even though I’m neither ready nor interested. I feel pressured.

They probably think that because my ex is already in a relationship, the grieving process is over. It isn’t. Not everyone has the luxury of taking months to detach and walking away feeling indifferent. Why do people think it’s so simple—as if six years meant nothing and the person who was dumped could just bounce back in four months? I’m heartbroken; the relationship mattered. People need to stop believing we can all just turn the page on a beautiful story as if the past didn't matter.

If only he knew that I see the whole world in black and white—except for her... I envy them; if, at four months old, the world already made them want to be part of it. But I am not them.

She’s already in another relationship, while I’m still wondering why she lost her feelings—whether we could have done things differently, or if we were truly incompatible and doomed from the start. I wonder if he'll be up to the fight—unlike me. Now I worry that her new relationship will be so much better that she’ll write me off as just a mistake along the way.

I still want her.

Why doesn't anyone understand? Why does everyone think I should rush into something else so quickly? As if my attachment were no longer legitimate ?

Just leave me alone; I can't cope with this...

Well long story short I went to my ex’s house on Sunday to get the rest of my stuff out & when I was in the closet I saw a used condom wrapper. (We broke up back in the last week of May after an almost 2 yr long relationship; so still pretty recent) anywho when I saw the used condom wrapper I wanted to cry, call him and break everything in his house but I held myself back & instead went outside for some fresh air, recollected my thoughts and even messaged my friends. I ended up leaving the wrapper where I found it under some blankets so it looked like I didn’t see it. I got all my stuff & left his house. Before What happened on Sunday w the disgusting condom he had agreed over text to see each other and the dogs we shared (who are now only mine) one last time but I ended up blocking him because I’m utterly disgusted by his actions & honestly it did hurt when I saw the condom on the floor but I feel like that was fuel to my ego because him hooking up with randos made me realize he is running away from himself & the feelings he has for me. Also feel like he left it there on purpose for me to find, it just seemed very staged. So for him to try to get a reaction out of me made me realize I shouldn’t give him a reaction. Whatever person(s) he’s hooking up with can have my leftovers😂 I don’t want him back. Srsly. He’s nasty. I also know his biggest fear was me ghosting him so whenever he tries to contact me it’s just going to leave him on “failed to deliver”. I just find it so funny now that he tried to get me to react but failed😂🤭 I am so glad I’m out of that relationship. Truly a blessing in disguise.

he was out to dinner with my family and i on friday and wouldn't let go of my hand under the table. we had an argument saturday that spilled into sunday and we weren't seeing eye to eye. we barely argued ever it was so rare. i got the silent treatment for 36hrs then dumped on monday. after 2 years of constant love.

i won't say that i haven't put us through a lot because i have. i'm a recovering alcoholic. hes been with me for 2 relapses. i hid it and lied. it was horrible and i would always make sure he knew how sorry i am. ive been sober for 330 days. i have been in therapy and go to AA because i want to not just for him. i am so proud of myself and how far ive come in the last year. i'm truly a new version of myself. i love myself now. and i love him. so much.

i cant wrap my head around the fact that he went from calling me every day after work to say i love you. facetime before bed and blow kisses. text me he loves me before his work day. we live 15 mins from each other but we are adults who dont live together so sometimes we would go to dinner during the week but mostly he would come stay with me all weekend. and its all just over???

this summer has been testing us because i haven't been going to any events where there's heavy drinking. when i do decide to go somewhere my social anxiety is big. i would just get stressed around social events in general. i think its valid but i also can see how that would start to bother him. he never communicated to me that it was bothering him. he said nothing to me about it. inwas getting sick of myself tbh but i had no idea that he was too.

all it took was this one fight?? to just forget the whole thing?? ive never had a relationship like this. i had been engaged to someone and he was previously married and we both would aleays say how grateful we were for our relationship and friendship and connection. it was so special. it was the safest i have ever felt with someone. he was so gentle and so patient with me. i never took it for granted. i would always tell him that he was a blessing to me. how i appreciated him for all of those things.

its all gone now. i'm beside myself. i don't know what to do or how to feel. the one good thing i can say is that i am not triggered to drinkat all. which is huge . but i'm so fucking sad. i'm so angry at him. mostly i'm just lonely. i feel really small. i know this is temporary but he really did a number on me. i have erased our messages, i changed his name in my phone to "DON'T". i muted him and all his friends on socials. i refuse to reach out. this wasnt my choice and i'm not gonna beg after i was told no so many times already. my chest hurts, my head hurts, i feel awful.

if you read this far thank you for listening to me and my pain. its ao hard to have a lot of friends in your deep 30s. i'm never married, no kids. i'm fine with those things but theres not many social options that dont involve drinking. this is really hard.