at first it broke my heart like you said you wouldn’t go into a relationship after ours so why are you following so many girls after barely a month ?

but now i’m just like yea go boy two more today!! keep following!! keep getting stuck in the cycle!!! never find yourself!!!

i’d rather see 10 more girls in a day after 5 weeks no contact than only 1 after few months

Trigger Warning: This is a long read, but it’s a true story and I hope whoever takes the time to read this journey can learn something from it or can help them feel less alone. I can't sugar coat it, this story has some painful and heartbreaking moments but also some beautiful ones. I wasted years of my 20s beating myself up over my love life, and last night something in my heart told me that the best way to let go of the past is to write it all out. So, for those who do read my story, I truly thank you so much, this was very hard to write, let alone post.

The 4 Lessons

Love: We love it, we hate it, we envy those who have it. But no matter what standing you might have on it, we all yearn for it at some point in our lives, it’s what makes us human.

“Wow, that’s so wise, you must have a good love life?”

Fuck no, my love life is shit. I’m just writing this as a form of venting about what I experienced in case it can help someone who experienced heartbreak or who is also yearning for love again. As cinematic as it might seem, the following story is true, and it shaped me into who I am today.

That being said, who am I deny that love exists?  In my case, love came into my life in the form of four women who ultimately became four lessons.

Vanessa- Lesson 1

Vanessa was my first actual long-term relationship. I never had a serious one before I met her, I had short 1 month- 2-month girlfriends in high school, but that shit was never serious.  

Anyway, I met Vanessa during my first year in community college, about three months in. In my hometown, many of the people I partied with in high school and other acquaintances I met during parties all went to the same community college. My hometown was so small that everyone practically knew each other.  So, in way, it felt very comfortable and fun. I was heading out to leave the lunch area when she “accidently” bumps into me.

She jokingly says, “Watch where you’re walking” in a heavy New York accent.  I swear she was so beautiful, Latina with brown hair and gorgeous brown eyes, she used to live in the Bronx area of New York which is the reason why she sounded like one of the ninja turtles.  But man, she was so stunning to me, I couldn’t believe this girl was hitting on me. It should’ve been the opposite, right? (Well get back to this later)

I ended up getting her Instagram and phone number and then I asked if she's down to get food. Theres a Chinese buffet a few minutes down the road from the community college so we decided to smoke a joint and go there after class.  When we got back from the buffet and I took her back to the parking lot, we locked eyes for a second and immediately went feral for each other’s lips. Man, I’m telling you, we couldn’t stop kissing: she even started biting my lips and told me they tasted like carne asada. Which in the moment was insane but very sexy to hear, who was this girl from the Bronx? Why is she so perfect? After we were done, we parted ways and I couldn’t stop smiling on the way back home.

A few weeks later, we started talking and hanging out more. It got to the point where she requested a one week break to see if “she really does like me” We weren’t dating, but when she asked I felt a little hurt, but I accepted her wish. Feelings were starting to grow, and I thought she might be the one.

 Fast forward to the next month. We gave in and finally started dating. I was so happy with vanessa.  We would party together, smoke together, go to the movies, and sometimes go on road trips or visit museums. I’d had one-night stands before, but the sex and love I made with this girl was so fucking intense that it didn’t feel like anything else.  The deeper our relationship went the crazier the sex got. We had drunk sex, sex on the couch, sex in the bathroom, high sex where we really went feral, and quiet sex when she would visit me at my parents’ house so we wouldn’t wake anyone up.  But man… the times when nobody was home … Maybe it was because I was in love for the first time in my life and never had consistent sex with someone, but I was so addicted to it that all her red flags sailed away without me even noticing.

Anyway, it got to the point where she met my parents and slept over from time to time. We had our fights and shared moments of jealousy. I used to be pissed when I saw her being friendly with other guys. I had hints of her having a past based on the men around us who knew her, approached her, and then looked at me in a smirky way.  But in the end, I didn’t care. Vanessa made me happy, and I hadn’t felt that feeling before in my life, the love that I felt for her was so inspirational it gave me a high without needing any substances. One of my favorite hobbies was going to the movies with her. We loved going to the movies, we would get stoned and see almost every horror or action film that came out on a weekly basis.  She even made me watch Greys anatomy with her; we also took shrooms once. She had a terrible fucking trip, but in the meanwhile, I chemically felt so in love with her even then.

Time flies by and we are now dating for 3 years.   We both completed the community college two-year program and ended up going to the same university. During our time there, she meets a new friend, Raquel, who encourages her to hang out with her and her group of friends. I joined a fraternity at the time, so I also spent time hanging out and partying with my friends, and I thought it was fair to let her do the same. Besides, we lived together in my dorm like room, so we would always come back together at the end of the night, and I loved her so much to never even think about cheating.

Unfortunately, this is the point when our story starts to take a terrible turn. One early morning before Vanessa and I head out to a local beach trip, I get a call from one of my close friends, it is about 9:30am in the morning, so I was assuming it had to be something serious.   I answer and he immediately says, “I’m sorry I’m telling you this, but you got to break up with her bro, you have to dead that shit immediately” My heart is pounding and I can hear the seriousness and concern is tone. I ask him why. He tells me that his girlfriend is friends with vanessa and Raquel’s friend group and that Vanessa has been seen making out with another guy and being out with him multiple times and this has been happening for months.  I thanked him, and the phone call ended. I can’t breathe; I felt as if the whole world went silent and the only thing I hear is my heart beating.  I confront her about it, and she becomes defensive, saying that my friend’s girlfriend is jealous of her and Raquel’s friend being friends, she says that they never kissed out and my friend’s girlfriend used to date the guy, and she is only saying bull shit to mess things up. At this point idk what to say, I remain quiet, but I let my love for her get the best of me and we continue with our beach trip. For the first time in my life, I questioned who I was really dating.

A couple of months passed by and I'm out at the bar with my fraternity brothers, but for some reason, something in my heart and mind is telling me to go to another college local bar that we all frequent, even my girlfriend. I leave alone, intoxicated. I go to the bar and while looking at the window I see my girlfriend dancing with the guy friends in the friend group that my friend and his girlfriend warned me about.  In a blind drunk rage, I cussed her and the other guy out through the window. Raquel (her best friend from earlier) who is also there, comes out to calm me down.  And then, one of the guys from the friend group comes out to do the same. When I let my guard down and apologize, he punches me. The other friends in the friend group soon rushed out and started jumping me, there were about 4 of them so I had no choice but to run while I was getting jumped. I ended up getting a cut on my eyebrow, a cut that never went away even till this day, I see the mark on my eyebrow from that night. I saw people in the street recording and laughing at me. Looking back, I’m surprised I survived to tell this part of the story without harming myself.  That same night I told my fraternity brothers what happened and they ended up driving to vanessas friend’s house to fight them, due to one of them somehow getting my phone number and taunting me by giving out their address for a “rematch”.

The next day, word gets out, and my friend who warned me about vanessas friend group and her actions, defends me on twitter, because one of the guys who jumped me was on their bragging about it.  They then posted the video of me getting punched without showing the rest, making it seem like I never got jumped.  I have never felt so embarrassed and shocked in my life. I secretly became a laughingstock by that group and other people from my college because of the video. Of course, my friends knew I got jumped, but when it comes to the reactions of others on social media, they only believe what’s shown to them.   

Later that night Vanessa takes me to a random restaurant and tells me that she can’t be seen with me and that I embarrassed her due to being insecure.  Later that night, we still have sex, but I know the passion that we once had isn’t there anymore.  The next morning when I drop her off at class, she wears a hat and pretends like she doesn’t know me. I then see her bump into a friend that I have, and he approaches her by grabbing her hands, as If they have history together. She ignores him and he looks confused. I look at him in my car and in my mind, I decide if what I’m thinking is true, I am beating the shit out of him next time I see him. I question vanessa about him, she continued to say she doesn’t know and never had sex with him, and I can “believe what I want to believe”.

A few weeks later, the semester finished and I headed home. Vanessa and I are still dating, but you can tell that something is off. During my time back home, I ended up missing her.  We still talked via facetime as she stayed in the college town due to renting a room from a family friend.  One night when we were on face time, I noticed her getting ready, it was almost 1am at the time and it didn’t make sense to me, but I ignored it. The next morning around 10:00am I get a text message from vanessa that she accidently sent to me that was meant for Raquel, the text message said “I went over his house, but I told him we couldn’t have sex because I was on my period”

I couldn’t stop crying, I was so fucking pissed. I immediately replied with question marks, and she said it meant for me with laughing emojis. I didn’t respond. She then sent a barrage of paragraphs saying that I’m insecure and that she doesn’t care what I think, that she would never cheat on me and that she hopes she still sees me soon. Paragraph after paragraph she sent, I couldn’t find the words to respond to her.

 The next day, I drove to the guy’s house, the one who jumped me with her friends. As soon as I arrived, I saw her car out front. I contemplate whether I should knock on his door or go inside. I call my friend (the one who warned me about her and her new friend group) and tell him what I witnessed. He told me not to go in there, that it’s dangerous and that the time for revenge will come, but not now.  I walked to vanessas car and left flowers and a notecard that I bought for her on her windshield. I then sent a pic of it to her and her best friend Raquel.  Raquel immediately calls me and tells me she’ll be outside the guy’s house in a few minutes and meet her down the block. When I meet with Raquel, I show her the text, Raquel then confesses that me and vanessa are toxic and really need to break up.

Later that night, Vanessa comes to my place. She says sorry and tells me that she did kiss him, but they never had sex. She said she felt out of place with me and that kiss just happened because she was drunk and not herself.  I felt so betrayed, but when I looked in her eyes all I could see was the girl from the Bronx who I fell in love with a few years ago in community college. I then gave in, and we had sex. I know, stupid right?

Later at 3:00am, I got the urge to go their phone. Vanessa was lowkey slow and her passcode for everything was “0000”. I go through her phone  and unfortunately as I prepared for, I saw everything. Her messages with Raquel joking about the day she accidentally sent me the text for the guy she cheated on me with, Raquel urging her to continue to deny no matter what. I saw the tweets that her and Raquel dmed each other, vanessa joking about her sex life with the other guy. And then I saw what truly tore me apart, her messages with the guy she cheated on me with. Them joking about how good their sex was, them talking about the moments they caught feelings for each other during a saint patty’s festival, the same pictures she sent to me, were also sent to him. The moment they were in Raquel’s bed listening to drake together Fuck man, I wouldn’t wish that moment on anyone. I took multiple pictures of everything for evidence. Enraged, I kicked her out and the relationship ended.  She tried to reach out to me a few days after and then eventually sent me a message saying that she knew someone who could hurt me if I decided to expose her. I haven’t talked to or seen vanessa ever since. But the effect she had on me lasted for the rest of my life.  Why was her portion of this story so long? Because we dated for 3 years, and the pain I endured with her wasn’t enough for a few sentences.

Jane

It was the summer after I broke up with Vanessa. I was devastated; I couldn’t look at any couple or watch any romance scenes without getting depressed. It was a shitty time for me. When I went out on vacation with my family, I was too depressed to enjoy time with them. Then one day during my sad summer, one of my friends, Jane, texted me, informing me that she had come to our hometown as she was on break from the nursing program she was in for studying abroad.

Jane and I were friends before I dated Vanessa. We had never met in person, but we followed each other on social media. I remembered replying to her story about a party we both went to, and we became close friends ever since, telling each other everything. When Vanessa and I broke up, I vented to her, and she was there for me, making me feel better.

We finally met. She was much shorter in person, but beautiful of Filipina descent—she just came from there, but she still had a minor accent which I found very funny and attractive. We decided to smoke a joint on my front porch as I made a joke about us being in her neighborhood and never leaving, due to how gullible she was while stoned—for a second, she really believed it. Later that night, we smoked another joint at the local river by her actual neighborhood. We looked at the stars while she played a Jhené Aiko song and told me the lore behind it—how Jhené had had a terrible trip and wrote the song about it. I don’t know what caused it, but we looked each other in the eyes and kissed. My heart fluttered; I don’t know why, but it felt so good with her, so we continued. We laughed, and then suddenly saw a white fox a couple of feet away from us. It was scary, but beautiful at the same time. It then ran away, and Jane and I wondered if it was a symbol. To this day, I still do. I then gave her a ride home, we kissed one more time before I dropped her off, and I didn’t see her again until years later.

Talia: Lesson 2

Two years after Vanessa and I ended things; I was a mess. I had hookups and a couple of one-night stands, but they were never initiated by me; it was either a girl who came on to me at a party, or I got lucky meeting someone through Tinder and Instagram DMs. I didn’t put myself out there. I felt ugly and lost all my confidence. I didn’t know how to talk to women and just felt so shitty. I ruined many chances of sleeping with very hot women, but I was never present enough to catch the signs due to my depression. This led to many people thinking I was secretly gay, which only made me more depressed.

Anyway, I went to the club one night with a couple of friends who had a table. While drinking and having a fun time, I saw her: the most gorgeous Middle Eastern girl I’d ever seen. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, and she stared back. It was like that scene from The Lost Boys, but creepier. After a solid two hours of eye contact, I approached her and asked for her Snapchat—really fucking cringey now that I think about it. She gave it to me, and I started replying to her stories. We flirted, and one day I invited her to get sushi, which she agreed to.

Another night, we ran into each other at the same club and decided to get food together with her friends. We ended up back at her place and went at it. Unfortunately, I performed horribly due to "whiskey dick," but she told me it was okay. The next morning, we woke up cuddling. I said fuck that, went to the mirror, and brushed my teeth—this could not be my first impression. I went back to bed, we cuddled, and we went at it again. This time it was so different. We didn’t just fuck; we made love, and it was so beautiful and intense, something I hadn't felt in a while. It didn’t feel like any other one-night stand; we fucked that morning like we had been married for years.

We then became addicted to each other. I would come over almost every week, and we would fuck after smoking, after the bar, or during late-night calls. One day she had brunch and told me to come over, and we had shower sex. That’s when I knew what we had wasn't normal, and that it wasn’t just casual as I thought it was. She asked me, “If I felt that?” At the time, I didn’t know she meant feelings.

A year passes, and we unknowingly become a situationship. Her friend would frequently tell me to date her, and another friend who was close with her told me she was in love with me. But because of Vanessa, I was an asshole. I ignored her feelings and just went over for sex. It got to the point where we became on and off; we would go months without talking and argued in between. Of course, she had sex with people in between, and of course, I got jealous of her talking to anyone—you know I was toxic at the time. I let the pain Vanessa put me through unleash on Talia.

One night at the club, while I was drunk and she was there with friends, I told Talia that I missed her and loved her. The next day, we resumed having sex. We had been in a situationship for two years.

One week, she let me and my puppy live with her for a week because my roommate forgot to pay the power bill. She helped walk and feed my dog while we both worked at the local shelter. We then decided to take things seriously and finally talk, calling each other "baby." We had a beautiful moment when we went on a hike with my dog (who was a puppy at the time), smoked a joint, and admired the woods.

When the semester ended and she had to move back, she cried due to being stressed about getting into a medical program. I comforted her, told her she was the smartest person I knew, and that she would get in. We then embraced each other and made love. That was the last time we did.

That summer, we got into an argument because she told me that she broke up with her ex-boyfriend over religion—she couldn’t marry someone who wasn’t Muslim. I became mad and asked her if sleeping with a certain demographic like mine was a fetish, not knowing how hurtful it sounded. She then ended things with me.

Years passed, and I missed her. I regretted everything I put her through: I regretted not taking her to get sushi like I promised, I regretted taking her to the movies with the promise of food and failing to follow through, and I regretted all the times I made her cry and treated her like a side piece when she was the closest thing to a girlfriend I had. I regretted seeing videos on her friend's Snapchat stories of her venting to people about me, and her subliminal messages on her story about, “If he won’t, someone else will.”

I sent her multiple messages, all of which were ignored, until one day she replied and agreed to have closure with me. I thought I won her back. We met up at a local mall. She got her hair done and looked so beautiful from the last time I saw her; people would pass us by and admire us like we were a sexy couple. We had shawarma and talked. She told me how I hurt her and led her on, and I apologized. She then told me how she told her stylist she was meeting up with her “ex”—my heart skipped a beat, as I didn’t know she saw me that way. She then told me about a guy she slept with in hopes of getting me jealous (and it worked). She even told me how she used shows we used to watch together, like Nathan for You and Friends from College, as prompts for Hinge—those were the two shows we binge-watched during our humbler moments, and we had even watched the entire Purge series together.

We then left. I confessed to her that I had always loved her but let what Vanessa did to me ruin that. I told Talia I still loved her, even though she would never feel the same way. She quickly tore up, fighting back a tear for a few seconds; nothing came out, but I know what I said unlocked a feeling she had been trying to suppress at the moment. She softly attempted to hold my hand, but stopped and said, "Who knows, maybe we’ll meet again in the future."

I haven’t seen her since. I would message Talia from time to time, deeply yearning for her, missing her, apologizing, but she never once replied. In the end, she was good to me, and I ruined the person who was potentially the love of my life without realizing it. I still think about her to this day. I wonder if she graduated from that medical program she was in; I hope she did, because she deserves the world. The last thing I heard was that she was dating a very humble guy. I’m happy for her, even though it hurts how much I miss her and want her back. Talia deserves to be happy, no matter what the cost of that might look like.

Jane Part 2: Lesson 3

A few years later, I graduated college. I was lonely, but I hung out with friends who distracted me while I lived with one of my parents. Jane moved back and told me she was dating someone, but things were confusing at the time because he was giving mixed signals. Either way, I was happy for her and happy to see her. We decided to hang out and go to a party event in the city. We ended up getting drunk at the party, laughed, and caught up as we observed all the funny moments and people around us. I missed her so much; she really was my best friend.

When we got back, she asked to crash at my place since she was too drunk to drive. I agreed 100 percent. As we lay on my bed, she thanked me for a good time. Then it happened again: we embraced each other and kissed, and then we went to bed. The next morning, we woke up and kissed again, this time dry humping. I asked her if she was sure, she said yes, and we had sex. That’s when it all started.

We started hanging out more, partied together, and I even met some of her coworkers. I eventually moved into my own place, as did she. We started having sex more frequently. To me, it didn’t feel like we were doing anything wrong; we were both acting on a love that we had felt for each other for many years. Was it wrong? Yes, she had someone, but in the moment, we were so addicted to each other that we didn’t care. The sex was so good it was like nothing I had felt in a long time. For the first time, I really felt like my soulmate was my best friend this whole time.

Time passed, and Jane told me we had to stop because she had gotten engaged to her boyfriend, and what we were doing was wrong. We talked about how hypocritical it was because Vanessa had put me through the exact same thing, and now I was just the side guy. We had a huge conversation and agreed to take some time away from each other, and we haven’t done anything sexually ever since.

We then had moments where we would talk for a year, and then she would ghost me after. We still talked like friends, but feelings were still involved as some conversations turned into us missing being inside each other. I loved Jane. We met once to have happy hour and reminisce; being respectful, I didn’t try anything even though it was on our minds. Eventually, she ghosted me again the week before New Year's, and we haven’t talked since.

As time passed, I found myself hurt and back at square one. I would fumble chances with women again due to not being present, and the gay rumors returned. What fucked me up was that I was far from gay; I just let my past depress me to the point where I can’t catch hints anymore. In a way, I was a grown toddler learning to ride a bike again. The only time in that period that I slept with someone was if the person was a girl from my past who I slept with before, or who I happened to bump into late at night at the club, or a girl who replied to a lonely late-night text. But most of the time I was deeply depressed; I would watch my friends get off, watch strangers dance and kiss each other at the clubs I went to. My hangovers on Sundays were so depressing because the only thing on my mind was love, yearning for something I wish I had. Yearning for words I wish I said to the many women I fumbled due to not being present and acting in time.

Jane, to me, was the right person, wrong timing. She was my best friend and the love of my life at the same time. I once told her that maybe we are still drawn to each other because we are together in another universe. And with that, I am somewhat okay with that being the closure I need. Still, I wonder what seeing that white fox at the lake that night with her meant.

Annabelle — Lesson 4

I met Annabelle in college. She was half Mexican and half Filipina, and I used to see her at local parties and on social media before we met. This was a year after Vanessa and before I met Talia. We had a social work class together, and I couldn’t figure out what I admired more about her: her immense beauty or her passion for social justice. It pulled me to her; she was such a breath of fresh air, and I couldn’t help but like her. We exchanged numbers during class and would text each other about assignments, with me attempting horribly to flirt. One day in math class, I saw her wave at me and look excited to see me. At the time, I didn’t see it as a sign that she felt the same way about me, but man, it made me happy seeing that.

A couple of months after, I asked her one time in a message if I ever had the chance to win her heart. She told me I had it at a point and didn’t do anything.

Fast forward again. We talked from time to time, and I still threw in subtle flirts, but it didn’t end anywhere. Fast forward again—we are both much older now and pushing 30. I still messaged her, and we talked from time to time, but this time we sent each other funny tweets or posts about movies, something we were both passionate about as cinephiles.

One day, after a conversation about films, I flirted. She joked about how cringe it was and said I met her at a very avoidant time in her life. I told her that I understood and that I always saw her as beautiful inside and out. She liked the message and agreed to get food and hang out to see an upcoming horror movie that we had previously discussed. The day after my confession, we talked every day—about film, TV, our families, and our roots. I bought the tickets, and she appeared very happy and excited, talking about places to eat and hang out before showtime. It was beautiful; I really thought I won her heart.

Suddenly, she stopped texting me and ghosted me. She went weeks before the date ghosting me, sending random Twitter or IG reels on random days in between without replying to my responses after just two of my sentences. I was confused. Was she going to stand me up? A week before the date, she sent a message saying she got sick and may or may not go, but would let me know because she really wanted to go. In my head, I was devastated; I felt like she gave up on me or I did something wrong.

The day before the movie, she told me she felt better, and my heart jumped with joy. I got a haircut and bought her flowers. I picked her up and took her to the center where the movie theater is; before we parked, I surprised her with the flowers and told her it reminded me of the roses she posted on her story, and I wanted to match the colors. We had a short dinner, then got dessert at another shop while talking about each other's lives and cinema. At the cinema, we both ordered ICEEs that she agreed to buy. However, the ICEE machine was down. She then had a cute A24 moment when she said we should fill up an ICEE cup with soda and see how far it goes up—to the top of the ICEE circle lid. It was very whimsical of Annabelle to say that, but I found it so beautiful; it made me fall for her even more. During the movie, I awkwardly attempted to hold hands with her, and it worked for a short while though.

We left and talked about the movie. When I dropped her off, she bit her lips as I looked at her and proceeded to reach in the back of my car to grab the flowers. I wonder if she was waiting for me to kiss her... Idk, I'm a dumbass low-key. We talked the day after, and then she ghosted me again a few days later. Man, it hurt. I felt led on and questioned if it was her being avoidant. I was really hurt.

A few months after, I decided to focus on myself. I watched movies on my own again, started hitting the gym a lot more, resumed reading, started embracing the present, and saw a lot of foreign romance films from Wong Kar-wai and other directors. I logged these on Letterboxd, where Annabelle also follows me. I saw the movie Perfect Days, and it taught me the concept of komorebi, which I ended up getting tattooed on the same day. I then learned to appreciate the present a lot more; I embraced my family, my dog, my friends, my hobbies, and my confidence somewhat. And eventually, I muted Annabelle's stories and lived my life.

Do I still miss her? Yeah, kind of. It hurts that she ghosts me, but she taught me never to chase anyone that doesn’t feel the same way. I liked Annabelle—almost loved her—because she was just like me: an awkward cinephile nerd. I just thought she was the one as we had years of knowing each other. I thought we would’ve had a love life like the movies, but I was wrong. She practically became my 500 Days of Summer, and that’s the closest movie to describe what she did to me.

Lessons Learned

As of now, I still think about love and the four lessons that love taught me: Vanessa taught me that love can also involve betrayal and that not everyone is pure. Talia taught me not to take a good thing for granted by inflicting unnecessary hurt from the past on someone who doesn’t deserve it. Jane taught me that sometimes love can come in the form of "right person, wrong timing," and that fate has an interesting way of showing you that. Annabelle taught me why you never chase. My mom always told me, “Las cosas siempre pasan por una razón,” which translates in Spanish to everything happens for a reason. With this philosophy, it gave me the strength to truly look back and reflect on my love life, and instead of letting it hurt me, I decided to let it teach me instead of break me. The past is the past; all you can do is learn from it because, like my mom said, in the future you will finally see why those things happened.

Looking back, I realize something now:

In order to understand what love truly is, you must experience both sides of love, the joy and the heartbreak, to understand how to give it right.

Love isn’t perfect. It can build you up and tear you down. But if you let it teach you instead of hardening you, it will shape you into someone capable of real love.

That’s where I am now. I’m not bitter, I’m just growing. I’m learning to be more confident, to embrace my personality and those around me who love me: God, my family, friends, and dog. I’m learning to be more present.

So, if you’re ever asking yourself what love really is, what makes someone your soulmate?

It’s not about finding someone perfect; it’s about finding someone who makes love feel close to perfect, even when life isn’t. And when it comes back around, you’ll know you'll be ready. Life is full of lessons, and sometimes when it comes to love, it comes in four.

I 28F had been dating my ex 30M for 2.5 years in NYC when I wasn’t really happy there and he did not want to live together or commit to anything more, so
I decided to move to South Florida. I told him I was moving and he wanted to do long distance and moved down 6 months later with a new job an hour north of me.
Fast forward to 2.5 years later, we have been having discussions about moving in together. I thought we were kind of stagnant and I was tired of driving an hour to see each other. He had been saying he was uncertain of living in Florida and direction in life in general. He never said uncertain about the relationship.
We were both up north for a wedding and I had told him to stay in my NYC apartment for a week because he missed it there. (i have a rent stabilized apartment in NYC)
During that week, I found a house I loved in Florida and had been looking for a bit. and he said he wasn’t ready to buy a house with me but told me he would live there with me. The following day I made an offer and it was accepted. I called and told him and he got quiet and weird and called me back and said he didn’t want to move forward with the relationship.
Two weeks later, he tells me he’s moving back to NYC and doesn’t think we’re a good fit for marriage.
I don’t understand how we could date for 5 years and be incompatible.
In person, he’s told me he feels lost and confused and then will only tell me these things about compatibility over the phone. I found out he’s only spending a month in NYC to figure things out?
People have told me he’s just immature, scared, or it hurt his ego that I bought the house myself. Whatever the reason, the toughest part has been not understanding why. His last text was something like “love you always and know I care about you”.
I thought we had a great relationship but looking back he never seemed serious about a long term future.

Am I an idiot for staying so long? I keep secretly hoping he’ll come back.

long story: my ex (20m) and I (20f) broke up 2 months ago because he was being creepy and no-effort towards me, like no dates and all.
my first time with him was fairly good, but after that, he started touching me while i was clearly not in the mood/asleep (!!), so i couldn't have sex with him and be comfortable, it hurt all the time. the most compliment i got from him was how sexy i was and that he could fuck me every minute.
after we broke up, he started spreading lies that i was disgusting, had STIs, loose and uncomfortable in sex (probably because he couldn't handle me not being comfortable with his bravados), and that he didn't find me sexy, let alone worthy of his attention.
i am genuinely saddened and worried about him spreading such lies, since we live in the same city, and he's telling these things even to our mutual friends. i know, i shouldn't care about it, but he's genuinely telling everyone and i am very ashamed of myself and the image he paints of me.
-
what should i do about it? i do not want to cause a problem with anyone, i don't know why he can't handle me having enough of his arrogant, no effort and creepy behaviour towards me. i kind of feel alone. if you have any suggestions, i'm very grateful for all. thank you! 🩷

Hey Guys, three monts ago my ex broke up with me, since then I have a really hard time so I wrote everything down in my phones notes as a (never sending this to her) letter!

I really need advice because it feels like we didnt work out back then because of too busy schedules…
I just want to go back in time and be with her…

Anyways Here is the letter and if anyone wonders, “you were only together for 3 months.. its not that deep” trust me she was the world to me!

Btw, the letter is translated for you Guys :) chatgpt did it so maybe it is bad lol

Hey,
You will probably never read this text, but I’m still writing it because I don’t really know where else to put all these emotions..
Today is July 22nd, and it has already been quite some time since we broke up. I’m still sad about it every day, and I’m having a hard time letting go.
On the positive side, I experienced what it truly feels like to be “in love” for the first time, and I discovered that there is nothing more beautiful than that. Even though we were only together for almost 3 months, there were so many little things that meant so much to me :) Of course, I also can’t forget our one-year talking stage. I had SO MUCH fun with you!!
Finishing my last year of high school with a complex B week, where I really got to know you, was honestly not exaggerated: the most beautiful week of my life. It was a week where the atmosphere was just perfect with everyone, even with the teachers haha!! And at that time, I was so incredibly in love with you. I can’t even put into words how good I felt and how happy I was :))
From the Easter holidays onwards, our biggest obstacle came: your hockey camp and then our own activity weeks meant that we simply couldn’t see each other, and that didn’t help us :) After that, our busy schedules made it so that we barely saw each other at all. Then came Berlin, where there was also very little time for us to just enjoy being together, just the two of us.. That long period where we couldn’t see each other slowly pulled us apart, and our relationship no longer felt completely right. You also started having more and more doubts..
Then came the Gala Ball, and things went a little wrong there too… You told me you wanted someone who would take you along in everything, someone who wasn’t shy and who would really take the lead. At that moment, unfortunately, I wasn’t that person, even though I really wanted to be… Things had already been difficult for a while because we barely had contact, and because of that I wasn’t doing well either. That naturally caused you to have even more doubts.
Eventually, after the Gala Ball, we talked one more time after school to see whether and how we could continue… But by then, the doubts had simply become too big. Continuing our studies in different cities was also going to be very difficult within a relationship. You made that very clear. Because indeed: how could our relationship continue in higher education if we already had so little time for each other in high school?
It’s really sad how everything turned out. I often think that I could have handled things better. But apart from the difficult moments at the end of our relationship, I still enjoyed it ENORMOUSLY. I still care about you so much. It’s actually funny to say all of this to my iPhone notes haha..
I also want to tell you something else. I auditioned for Music and Performing Arts, but it also included a project week that happened exactly during camp. I didn’t do that project week because I didn’t want to give up my final year as a member of Tateljeeke… Because of that, I didn’t pass the entrance audition.
And then you’re probably wondering: what are you going to do now? Well, after thinking and searching for a very long time, I chose Criminology at KU Leuven. So I’m going to live in a student room in Leuven, crazy right! Because criminology wasn’t available in Antwerp, I eventually switched to another city.
I wanted to mention this because it also has a little connection to why our relationship ended. It simply wasn’t working anymore when we both had such busy schedules, and continuing our studies in two different cities would have made it even harder.
Now it turns out that I’m going to Leuven too… And who knows, maybe we would still have been together. I shouldn’t think about that too much, because that’s simply not how things are now. But sometimes my mind still goes there…
You know, a smart girl once told me that everything is planned in advance and that nothing happens by coincidence. So who knows, maybe I’ll see you again someday in Leuven?
And now, to finish this text, I just want to say that I’m incredibly grateful for all the beautiful moments. Moments from which I learned, and in general every second I spent with you, during which I was the happiest person on this entire planet hahah.
It hurts to say that I still care about you so much, even though we don’t have contact anymore. I really miss you, and it’s painful to admit that too… Hopefully my heart will be able to give this a place someday, because I’m still struggling with how things are now. Oh, and I also hope that your heart has been able to give it a place.
I’m going to end my emotions here, because otherwise I might still be talking until tomorrow..
That was actually it.
I care about you, and I truly wish you nothing but the best.

So that is what I wrote in my notes … Thank you Guys for reading, giving advice.. it means a lot!

A little over 6 months ago I got broken up with. We had gone long distance while she moved out of state for grad program. We were together almost 6 years which is insane to write out. I wasnt a great boyfriend at the end. I dont know where I started to become so terrible but I really let her down. She wasn't perfect either but I still love her so much even after mulling over the relationship for these past few months.

I havent reached out since month 2 and even back then it was just to react to the fact that I saw some things I shouldn't have seen while stalking her profiles :) great idea btw /s. Since then I blocked her for my own sanity, asked my friends to distance themselves too and have been trying to focus on picking up the pieces of my life and rebuilding. Then the other day it kinda crept up on me. I am completely falling apart on my end but from the outside, it really just looks like ive moved on. No messy late night drunk texts, no calls or check in texts, no stalking her ig anymore or trying to get her attention with cryptic posts or whatever. I havent even done the whole "good reminder" things even though both of our birthdays and would be 6th anniversary just passed. Its like I just let it go.

Obviously on my side I know I am soooo NOT fucking over her. I cry all the time, I feel like constant shit and I fight the impulses tooth and nail to just respect the break up and leave things where theyre at. But I wonder if I am just burning my chance with her like this. Shouldn't I have put up more of a fight?? She called me, broke up with me, and we hung up. 20 minute call and poof, its over. Shouldn't I have fought more??? Aren't I allowed to be more messy?? Wouldn't that show her how much i care??? What if by trying to handle this maturely, I sent the signal that I am okay with this. Thats im moving on too. I dont want to fucking move on. I HAVE to, big diff.

When she ended things, it was really quick and dirty. My family still feels disrespected by it since they had grown close to her. I feel mixed about it. It felt like a desperate escape rather than a breakup and that made me feel even worse. Do I think I was so horrible that I warranted such an intense reaction? No, but I do know that communication was always a really sore spot for us. I always overly communicated my feelings and she would compulsively lie to bury hers. It was an unhealthy cycle.

Maybe this is all for the best though I cant help but parse through these emotions and retroactively find ways i *should* have handled them.

My ex and I were together for 9 years. We were best friends, lived together and talked everyday. We have a dog and two cats together, and I also have a son from a previous relationship. My ex have been in my sons life since my son were 2 years old. So we had a steady family life together.

We never had big fights or anything like that.
But he has problem with communication and can’t talk about feelings that are uncomfortable. So 9 days ago I brought up that it felt like we were only friends, cuz he has been distant for a while. For the first 2 hours of our conversation he insisted that he absolutely not wanted to break up. And I was so stupid for pushing it, looking for more reassurance. So after those 2 hours he didn’t wanna be with me anymore. He said that he wanted to move to another country all of a sudden. This move to this country has been his childhood dream and he went there for the first time 3 years ago and he was gone for a month. We talked everyday for that month and I was so happy for him that he could go on that trip. And now all of a sudden he wanna move there.. He never talked to me about moving there at all, and I’m so confused cuz he didn’t wanted to break up at first..

Anyway he dumped me and we didn’t talk for 5 days. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Ended up in the hospital for my blood pressure. He had contact with my mom to check in on me. But he never reached out to me.

Yesterday I send him a text and it ended up with him calling me. We had a calm talk for an hour and he said he still had feelings for me, but he felt that we had different dreams and goals. I had already given him the option that if he moved I could come and visit at some time here and there as he’s only gonna be moving away for a year. But he said that he needed to think about everything, that we are going to see each other some day to talk. But he don’t know when..

Is there anyone out there that can help me figure this out?
Why didn’t he wanna break up at first and then just changed his minds and told me he wanted to move? Why is he so cold? What should I do? Has anyone been through something similar and it ended up okey?

I’m still having panic attacks, can’t eat and need medication to sleep. And I know “it has only been 9 days” but for me it feels like it has gone 10 years! I really don’t want it to be over, I wanna fight for this.

I’ve gone in circles thinking about everything that transpired the one horrific week in April. I can now summarize it in bullet points. Monday I go into preterm labor, Tuesday my son is born and dies, i almost died that day, modern medicine saves my life, my husband gets into town and visits me for less than an hour and goes to dinner with my bestfriend. I’m left lifeless on the hospital bed as the doctors give me 7 blood transfusion. Wednesday I’m discharged. Thursday is the funeral. Fri Sat Sun he’s distant and cold. Monday he tells me he is going to marry my bestfriend, and she is on board. Tuesday she is sitting in front of me justifying everything. I share how my this week has broken me and how hurt I’ve been. 2 hours after he messages me saying it’s over. He listened to my conversation with her and I’m ungrateful and have disrespected him. And then leaves me alone.

2 weeks I layed on my couch not having energy to get up after a major medical procedure. And he never checked on me. Wouldn’t respond to my messages or calls. And then 2 months after sent me divorce documents. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him since that day. And the reason for divorce he listed was my attitude and my emotions. I can’t process this - struggling everyday!

I miss you. I think about you every single day. Some days it’s less, other days it’s most of my thoughts. I think about what I could’ve done to make you stay, I think about what I should’ve done so that we never got together in the first place. Then we would still just be friends. We would hang out with the friend group and we would take trips together. I think about all the ways that you hurt me, about how small you made me feel. I think back to the exact moment I saw the disappointment in your face when you realized I wasn’t this picture you had painted in your head. I think about how as I revealed more and more of my personality, you liked me less. I don’t think you ever loved me, not the real me anyways. And that hurts more than anything in the world.
I miss feeling like we could be kids together. I miss being in your passenger seat and singing, like that time I memorized your favorite song to surprise you. I miss the time when it didn’t feel like a chore for you to show me you loved me. I miss cooking for you and cooking with you and eating together while watching a show. I miss laughing with you without being able to stop. I miss hugging you and holding you tight after an argument. I miss when you still had that illusion of me and you would write beautiful things about me. I miss your friendship. The friendship we had before we even became romantic.
I don’t miss our arguments. I don’t miss you being unwilling to give me my space when I needed it. I don’t miss your jealousy. I don’t miss you saying that I was deliberately trying not to seem like a couple in front of other people. I don’t miss your insecurity. I don’t miss you trying to control me. I don’t miss me trying to explain myself to you but you never changing your mind, always thinking that you were right. I don’t miss the fact that you always had negative feelings towards me (even during our friendship) but you just never told me. I don’t miss the fact that it was ok for you to make your own plans with separate friends but when I went and did plans of going to dance class or something else I was not being a good partner. I don’t miss always feeling like a disappointment.

I was there for you when you needed me most. You weren’t able to stay at your apartment so I let you live with me, in my room. I didn’t ask you to pay rent. I was there for you everyday, physically and emotionally.
As soon as you moved back and had your family close, you became avoidant.
I needed someone in that moment. I was in my worst depression and I needed support.
But since you didn’t need me anymore you just dropped me. That’s what it felt like.

No one has ever hurt me this much before. I had never opened up to someone like I did with you. And in the end that was my mistake. I showed you all of me and you left.

When you broke up with me you made it seem like we would try to be friends. I reached out to you and didn’t get a response.
After some time I decided to block you on Instagram because it hurt too much to see you comment on all of our friends’ posts. It felt horrible to know everyone got to have your friendship except for me. That’s the only reason I blocked you. I wonder what that made you think. I wonder if with that I ruined all chances of you reaching out to me again. I want you to reach out. I want to talk to you and ask you questions and know what has been going on in your life.
I want to be your friend.
Why do I want to be your friend? You hurt me more than anyone in the world.
How would we even be friends?
If you don’t want anything to do with me ever again I want you to say that to me. At least that would help me stop guessing about all the information I don’t have. I would be able to settle into the idea.

A few days ago you were here in my city. I saw a friend post a video. Everyone was invited except for me. It sent me into a whole breakdown, crying and ruminating. I feel like my heart is being broken all over again.
I wish you would’ve reached out.
I want to talk to you.
I wish you would just call me.
I know you won’t.
I wish I could forget you.

I know love isn’t everything, but when you genuinely love someone—when you treat them with nothing but respect, kindness, and care, make their feelings a priority, and give your all through both the little things and the big things—and it still doesn’t work out, it’s hard to understand why. There isn’t one clear reason you can point to, so you start replaying every conversation and overthinking every little thing. Yet deep down, you know you gave the relationship everything you had and treated that person with as much love and respect as you could. That’s a difficult place to be.

for dumpers whose ex never reached out after the breakup, did that surprise you? how did that feel especially compared to relationships maybe where they still reached out after?

I'm a girl gave me the love and care I had been craving my entire life. Everything between us was going well at first, but after a few months, I noticed she started acting differently. The way she spoke to me changed, and eventually she told me we had to break up because of issues with her family-especially because her father

didn't want her to be in a relationship.

I respected her decision, but deep down I never fully believed that was the real reason. Months after the breakup, I realized the real issue might have been me. I had no clear goals in life, I was lazy, and I lacked direction. She often used to say we had the same mindset, but I think, in the end, those qualities became the reason she lost hope in me.

I don't blame her. From her perspective,

it's understandable to want a partner who has ambition and direction. I just wish she had trusted that I could change instead of giving up on me.What hurts the most is seeing people who cheat or treat their partners badly still find love so easily, while losing her feels like I lost the only genuine love universe ever gave me.

I'm not looking for sympathy-I want honest advice. If you've been in a similar situation, how did you rebuild yourself and move forward?

My ex and I were together for about 3.5 years before she broke up with me around five months ago over text.
About a week after the breakup, we started texting again. She actually asked me if I thought this was the end of our relationship. I told her, “I hope not,” but I also acknowledged that there were a lot of issues we’d have to work through if we were ever going to have a healthy relationship again.

We talked consistently for a few days until one day she left me on delivered for a couple of days before finally responding. It bothered me because I knew she used her phone a lot, so I assumed maybe she just didn’t want to talk anymore. I told her, “I thought you were never going to respond again,” and she replied, “You seem to think that a lot.”
At the time, I was really just checking in on her. She thanked me for checking on her, and I never responded after that. Before the breakup, I’d told her one of my biggest insecurities was feeling like if I don’t reach out first, I never hear from people. I had a feeling that if I didn’t send another message, I’d probably never hear from her again. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.

About three months later, it was finally time for a concert that we’d bought tickets for before the breakup. Since we’d bought them while we were still together, our seats were right next to each other.

At first things were awkward because we hadn’t spoken in months, but as the night went on it honestly felt like old times. After the concert I asked what her plans were, and she said she was going to get food. I asked if she’d like to go together, and she agreed.

We caught each other up on life, talked about what we’d been doing since the breakup, and reflected on everything that had happened. After we finished eating, we stood in the parking lot talking until almost 2 a.m.
One thing that really surprised both of us was realizing neither of us actually hated the other. We had both assumed that because neither of us had reached out in months. We left that night saying the door was open for communication, and honestly I drove home feeling better than I had in months.

During our conversation she mentioned the venue had made her throw away her pepper spray. Later that day I ordered her a new one through Amazon. She texted me thanking me for it and even offered to pay me back, but I declined. Whether we’re together or not, I don’t mind making sure she’s safe.

A couple of days later, I built up the courage to ask if she’d like to get brunch on an upcoming holiday. She was hesitant at first but eventually agreed. When I followed up about a week later, she asked why I suddenly wanted to see her because she thought I wanted to keep my distance.

I told her that talking after the concert honestly felt really nice and I’d like to see her again. She also reassured me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship right now. I told her I completely understood. I wasn’t expecting us to get back together then and there. I genuinely just wanted to have another conversation with her.
The morning of brunch, I woke up to a text saying she had to cancel.

I told her to just let me know whenever she’d like to reschedule, and she replied, “Of course I will.”
Three weeks went by, and I never heard anything.
Eventually I asked if she’d like to see a movie that was coming out. She replied about a day later saying she’d be out of town around then and hoped I enjoyed the movie.
At that point I finally decided to ask her directly if she actually wanted to see me at all.

She saw my message pretty quickly because I could see she was typing, but she didn’t actually send her response until hours later.

She said:

“It’s best that we don’t see each other right now. Maybe in the future we can hang out and have a good time, but not any time soon.”

It hurt to read, but at the same time I appreciated finally getting a more direct answer.

The reason I’ve wanted to see her isn’t necessarily because I expected us to get back together immediately. After the concert, I realized there were a lot of things I wanted to apologize for and a lot of things I would’ve done differently. Looking back, almost every serious disagreement in our relationship, including the breakup itself, happened over text. I wish we’d had more difficult conversations in person instead of letting everything build up.

There are also things I know I could’ve done better as a partner, and I wanted the opportunity to acknowledge those in person.
Now I’m at a point where I honestly don’t know what to do.

I really just want one genuine conversation, whether it eventually leads to reconciliation or not. Seeing her again at the concert answered a lot of questions for me, but it also opened up a lot of new ones.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about her a lot lately. I’ve even found myself rereading our conversations after the breakup wondering if I misinterpreted things.
I feel like I’m stuck in the “what if” phase.
What if I had responded after she thanked me for checking in?

What if I had asked to see her sooner?

What if I’d been more upfront from the beginning that I wasn’t asking to hang out, but that I genuinely wanted one honest conversation?

Would things be different now?

Or would I still be exactly where I am today?

I ultimately don’t want to let go of someone who’s been one of my best friends for almost a decade.

So I guess my questions are:

Do you think I’ve unintentionally been framing everything as wanting to “hang out” instead of communicating that I just wanted one honest conversation?

Did I misread the concert entirely?
Or has she already given me my answer, and I’m just struggling to accept it?

so we dated and broke up last year, she dumped me. This year we tried again and i broke up with her a month ago, we saw each other a few times and were on good terms.

Im leaving the countey in a month, ill be away for 7 months so we said wed be in touched and said we loved each other. Yesterday y texted her to meet up and she said yes but was super dry and didnt even said she loved me once, i did (i used a word thats not in english that means love you but isnt as strong)

i dont understand why,but it made me sad, like what happened to all we said last time? idk

we fought a few days ago and have not been talking since - this might just be the biggest one we've ever had, and i've even had the thought of breaking up. we came back apologizing, and i reassured him that i will never leave him and more sweet talking like so.

however, in my heart i still have that weight, and i feel like i am not the same person before this anymore. this time i actually feel like i want to give up. now i feel very bad because it just looks like i am leading him on now. i am currently spending time with him, and seeing him having fun with me just kills me even more.

i just want to ask if i am actually a messed up asshole if i text him i want to break up on the same day we just fought and gave each other reassurance. i literally can not tolerate this anymore as i know things like this will happen again like any other fights we had before, and who knows if we will ever get better from this.

Honestly the few months I had with you were the best months I could've asked for. You were everything and more. I still miss your gray eyes. I still miss your silly jokes and late night calls. I just miss you so much it hurts. I hate how popular your name is lol. I hear the name William atleast once a day. I miss how I felt with you. One thing that boggles my brain is that we never actually broke up. I still remember the last thing you said and the time lol (10:47). Missing you feels like hell. Mourning someone who is still alive. My friends still think I should let go.

So the title says it all. Have you ever dealt with this and been left in a world of confusion, to months later pull yourself out of it and then a few more months later, get confirmation on everything that you experienced as you weren’t the only one they have done this to?

They lied, cheated and manipulated and I feel like messaging them saying ‘I know everything’ and then just seeing what unfolds. Or messaging something that would really mess with their head the way they mess with others. I know it’s petty and I won’t because I don’t want that communication channel opened up again. But sometimes I wish they would get a taste of their own medicine.

Edit: took out a little bit that had a naughty word 🫣. Sorry BreakUps.

My (30m) now ex girlfriend (24f) blindsided me yesterday after the best 13 months of my life. We met in a co-ed sports league and have basically been best friends ever since with so much in common including liking many of the same bands. We have never had any major arguments either. I’ve always felt kind of worried that she would want to eventually leave me as she comes from a wealthy family (I don’t) and makes more with her salary as a nurse than I make 7 years working my way up a Insurance company. She likes being taken care of and I’ve paid for almost everything to make her happy. I’ve tried to do everything I can to show her how much I love her including helping her move into a condo just a few weeks ago and being there for her when she got fired from her last job and all the stress she had finding a new one. We were planning on a trip somewhere she wanted to go in September and she kept stalling on us buying the flights so I knew something was wrong and brought it up. Then she said she needed to come over and talk. From saying I love you every day and seeing each-other 6-7 times a week to it being over just like that.

Her reasoning for not wanting to be together anymore was not having aligned personalities. I do not understand this because I’ve always felt like we were a perfect match and we had so many amazing memories together like concerts/adventures/a cruise . She assured me it has nothing to do with my salary or anything that is my fault but it’s really hard for me to believe because I think if she really loved me then there wouldn’t be enough of reason to end things. Now I don’t even want to step outside anymore. Before this relationship I was single for 4 years after a similar breakup where she gave me a similar reason but later I found out that ex wasn’t attracted to me anymore and I was in a really dark place of loneliness until I met my new girl. Now I am back there and don’t know if I have any future. I’ve always wanted to have at least one kid (never was going to rush that with her) but I feel like having to start over now, it is unlikely that I will meet anyone while I am still young enough and I don’t even want to try to meet anyone. She was everything to me.

Not looking for any responses but just wanted to let it out as I am really struggling right now

relationship advice

Please, someone help me.

My boyfriend dumped me two months ago. He told me he wouldn't be getting with any women for a very long time and that I had nothing to worry about because he had no need or desire to do anything with anyone else.

Since we broke up, we've slept together multiple times—sometimes he initiated it, and sometimes I did. I want to be with him so badly, but he says he's unsure about me at the moment.

I have this problem where I physically cannot stop contacting him on the weekends. He goes out to clubs and pubs with his friends, and I always end up worrying. I ask if he's done anything with another girl, and it either ends with us sleeping together or having a huge argument about it.

When we do speak, he talks to me like he's still my boyfriend. He calls me "baby," comes over, and acts exactly like a boyfriend. But other times, he ignores me and treats me horribly. Every time he hurts my feelings and I get upset, he says, "Why are you acting like we're in a relationship? It's exhausting." Yet he's more than happy to sleep with me, drunk-calls me every weekend—often all night without me even contacting him first—and he still has me as his phone lock screen.

I'm so exhausted, and I don't know what to do. He won't remove me from his social media or block me, and I don't have the strength to do it myself.

It's his birthday tomorrow, and I'm already fighting the urge to message him and ask who he'll be with. I'm terrified of him drinking and getting with another girl. I know it's probably bound to happen eventually, but I can't bear the thought of it. It makes me feel physically sick.

This is so bad, but I stalk his TikTok likes constantly throughout the day, and I check whether he's online on his PS5 because he's almost always on it when he's home. Whenever he's not online, my heart drops and I instantly feel sick. I can't focus on anything else, and I always end up texting him and asking where he is or what he's doing. I know how unhealthy this is, but I genuinely don't know how to stop. He also hasn't even removed me from any of his social media or deleted our pictures together, and I don't understand why.

I can't let him go, and it's driving me insane. He's so horrible to me whenever we argue and always blames me for everything, but when things are good between us, I love him so much. It would feel like such a betrayal if he did anything with someone else anytime soon because of the hope he keeps giving me and the way he still treats me when we're together.

I know I need to leave him alone, but I struggle so much because I don't have many friends who want to go out on the weekends. I know I probably sound stupid and ridiculous, but I genuinely don't know how to let go.

Me (19M, turning 20 in november) and my very recent ex (27F) were together for like ~2.5-3 years. Our relationship was always good, but I need to give some context before I get into it.

I grew up in a pretty bad household and I was lowkey homeless on and off for like half a decade. The first time I went to a club I was around 15. I know that sounds insane, but it all started from small connections, people who knew people who knew some bouncers, and slowly I built it up to where I could get into nearly every club unless a specific bouncer we knew didn't work there anymore. I did a lot of things to survive, and I still tried my hardest to stay in school (I never went over the max skips per semester in our rulebook). I wasn't an idiot, I knew that dropping out meant staying stuck in that same shithole for the rest of my life. Most of the time I could crash at my friend's crib, but when that wasn't an option I'd resort to, let's say, going out with older people. Yes I know big boohoo I was really miserable. I couldn't even think about dating anyone, genuinely, the thought of it made me sick. I kept doing well in school and slowly patched things up with my family so I could stay home from time to time.

Fast forward to my last year of high school. I was done with the clubbing nonsense by then, wasn't drinking or doing anything anymore. My friend group really wanted to go to this rave, so I obliged, and all five of us dragged our asses there. That's when I met her. She was looking stunning and kind of shy, hanging out with her friend and giggling about something (turned out later they were laughing at some drunk 40 year old hitting on her). I wasn't the type to approach anyone at that point, so one of my closest girl friends pulled a really stupid how I met your mother move (not literally but yall get the point) and introduced us. We really hit it off, and for some reason we ended up debating her favorite drink, and me joking around teasing her about how she liked very weird drinks. Corny ash, I know i knowwww.

After that we were basically inseparable. She moved like 4 hours away after I had to move for uni, and we lived together for a while. It really was almost perfect. We didn't argue much, and whenever we did we just talked it out.

The problems started when I had to move somewhat far away this summer for an internship (I also lined up a small job for after it to make some extra money, so I was gonna be gone the whole summer). I worked my ass off for this and recruited like crazy. I literally sacrificed the piercings I'd worn since I turned 16. had to take out my snake bites, my nose ring, my eyebrow piercings and the few ear piercings I had. I gave up a lot for this internship, but it was worth it because I actually like the role. I've known I wanted to work in this sector for a while, so I never got any tattoos that could be seen either, no arms or lower legs.

I'm really upset and heartbroken because being in a different state didn't mean I stopped texting her or paying attention to her or any bullshit like that. She broke up with me over text like a week ago, didn't even wait a couple weeks for me to get back home. I was deadass devastated. I was at work doing overtime when I read it, and that message wrecked my entire week. The breakup text was messy and kind of template-ish, but it did have specifics for why she thought we had to break up, and lowkey the breakup text was pretty ironic and hypocritical but I think if anyone she knows saw this this would be a genuine giveaway.

So it's been a fucked up week, me spiraling all weekend, barely knowing anyone in this place, sitting alone in my shitty apartment depressed.

Then today I heard from a very veery trustworthy source that she's already seeing someone new. I'd call myself a pretty analytical person, and I don't know why it took me this long, but something just snapped. I reread the breakup message and it was worded in a way that, very subtly, could be read as her already starting to see someone. It was super subtle, but I think anyone who read the same message would catch what I mean. I didn't notice it the first time because I was at work when I got it at 10pm and as soon as I got it I opened it somewhat excited lol. Anyways, I was exhausted and so devastated that I just closed the app, I don't even think I finished reading it, I skipped words and got the gist of it.

I'm not an idiot. I don't think she met this guy in the two days after we broke up, so I'm guessing she was seeing him for at least the last week of our relationship (and yeah, that's a guess). That's what makes it hurt even more, because she always talked about how much she hates cheaters.

I genuinely don't know what to do at this point. What am I supposed to do, just be a bum for a while? How do I even get back into dating after this? I've got another two weeks at this internship, then a nearly minimum wage job for a month until uni starts, and then her birthday's in September, so I'll get to watch her new boyfriend and all her friends congratulate her on Instagram, since I know most of them and they're actually pretty cool people.

So realistically I wanna know how do I even get over this bullshit. How do you start trusting and dating again after finding out it probably 'overlapped' with someone else? And how do I get through the next two months stuck here alone before I'm back around people I know?

TL;DR: Was with my girlfriend (27F) for 2.5 years and thought it was great. She dumped me by text a week ago while I'm away for a summer internship, and I just found out she's already seeing someone new. Rereading the breakup message, I think she was seeing him before we ended. I'm alone in a new state, not knowing a single person here except some absolute no lifers from the office and I am not sure how to just move on when all I think about is her getting over nearly 3 year relationship in days.

i’m tired.

happy to announce that after almost a year of pure yearning and heartbreak i am free from these shackles 💪😤 all it took was finding out that he slept with my friend

Just needed to come herr once again.
I miss you 😔

I broke up with my ex 8 months ago but since then have not been able to go more than a few days without reaching out. I became very sad, mad that he couldn’t control his drinking and that’s why I left and I basically told him that every day since in the hopes he would change. About 3 months in I started trying to come back. I did everything I possibly could to fix it and he was considering reconciling but then went off to a sober living community for 6-12
Months. Still in rehab I have messaged him daily begging for him to take me back.

He said the overwhelming messages have pushed him away further and that for a long time he just wanted space and i couldn’t give him that.
Now he said he just focusing on himself and that the doesn’t feel strong enough for me anymore. That I pushed him away and that he isn’t in a place to even trust himself with one woman…

Is it possible that if I stop reaching out for a long time he will come around? Maybe he never knew what it was like to really lose me. He is an avoidant attachment style and I am anxious so he was never great with me coming on strong I think.

I'm not reaching out because I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have. I still love you, and I think I always will. A part of me hopes that maybe, someday in the future, we could try again. I'm sorry. I don't want you to hate me, because the thought of that hurts. But if hating me helps you heal, then that's okay. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. I'm hurt too. I wish we had tried harder to fix things. But I can't blame you when I was the one who caused you so much pain. I want to talk to you so badly, but I know too much has happened between us. Deep down, I keep hoping you'll reach out to me, even though I know you don't feel the same way anymore.

Sometimes I go through our old chats, voice notes, and your photos. I smile, and then I cry like a baby. I wish I'd done so many things differently. I'll carry that guilt with me for a long time. I miss you. Everything reminds me of you, even the sky. I'll always cherish what we had. It was the most beautiful time of my life. I was genuinely happy with you. It was momentarily perfection. I miss my best friend and my lover. You made me feel important, cared for, and loved. You showed me what love really feels like and how deeply I could love someone. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for making me laugh just by being with you.

I don't know if we were meant to end up together, but I have no doubt that you'll always be my soulmate. I'm truly sorry for hurting you. I can only imagine what you went through because of me, and I'm sorry for every bit of it.

I still remember praying for you, and somehow I got lucky enough to have you. I tried my best, but I know I disappointed you, and I'm sorry. To me, this has never truly felt over. It was always you, or no one else. Maybe it always will be.

I'll always love you.