for context, ex (22f) broke up with me (24m) a little over two months ago. we were together over three years, and were deeply in love. i had become too passive in my own life and the relationship, leaving her to be the one who had to carry not only herself but myself through life. it was deeply exhausting and painful for her. we had so many conversations about me changing, taking a more active role in my own life and my own future, and things didnt change. the same conversation happened over and over, and she couldnt have it again. it was a loving breakup, it was very difficult for her to leave, she didnt want to do it but she knew she had to. she mentioned that she never wanted to not know me, and that she didnt know if we would be together in the future. that left a door open for my mind to occupy.

ive changed a lot, truly. its only been two months, i recognize that, but i feel more emotionally mature than i have ever been in my life. i recognize exactly what went wrong with my life, why things went stagnant, and i have been actively working on myself every day. im proud of how much ive grown and i have no intention of slowing down. i wanted to see if she would be open to hearing about my changes, so last night i sent the message as seen in the photo. i wanted to be dignified and i didnt want to enter a conversation she wasnt open to having. so i asked.

i cant pretend this didnt hurt like hell to see. i knew a no was very possible, but it was so cold, barely any words, and that was hard for me to see. it felt alien, she never spoke to me in such a terse manner. of course because im me, i instantly started analyzing and trying to figure out what this meant. the only conclusion i can safely come to is that she drew her boundary, and all i can do is respect it.

i guess i just want to know if this is as dignified as i think it is. did i mess up? dumper perspective would be most useful here, especially if it was a loving breakup. i intend on not messaging back from here on out, which hurts to say but I know its the right move. if she wants to reach me she knows how, but i suspect this may have been the last we ever speak. if you read this far ty, you rock <3

You dont have to call them just because you miss them, learn to sit with yourself, connect with friends who care about you, talk to a therapist

But please dont open doors which were so heavy to close. God/Universe closed that door for a reason

Dont think that in "what ifs" and "closure".. Think about the good that came out of it, think about the version of you who is strong right now.

But whatever you do

Do not call them or text them. Dont even respond, because we all know how badly it will end again.

Everytime you think you need closure, so you put yourself into that situation again of calling them, hanging out with them, all in the name of "one last time", it'll leave you more devasted than before, you will start to wonder if you had been feeling better before this call or hangout etc.

SO please Love yourself, and the put the desire to be loved by someone else below and get your self-respect back up.

Keep seeing people saying that, especially for LDRs. This was my situation and honestly there’s never going to be a right time you just need (or needed) to put in the effort.

Every time I see someone write this it’s like a spit in the face. Take accountability! It’s not a situation out of your control you just didn’t want to fight hard enough or didn’t feel the relationship was worth it. Call things for what they are even if it’s ugly. You’re breaking up with someone and hurting them at least treat them with respect in that.

I'm not reaching out because I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have. I still love you, and I think I always will. A part of me hopes that maybe, someday in the future, we could try again. I'm sorry. I don't want you to hate me, because the thought of that hurts. But if hating me helps you heal, then that's okay. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. I'm hurt too. I wish we had tried harder to fix things. But I can't blame you when I was the one who caused you so much pain. I want to talk to you so badly, but I know too much has happened between us. Deep down, I keep hoping you'll reach out to me, even though I know you don't feel the same way anymore.

Sometimes I go through our old chats, voice notes, and your photos. I smile, and then I cry like a baby. I wish I'd done so many things differently. I'll carry that guilt with me for a long time. I miss you. Everything reminds me of you, even the sky. I'll always cherish what we had. It was the most beautiful time of my life. I was genuinely happy with you. It was momentarily perfection. I miss my best friend and my lover. You made me feel important, cared for, and loved. You showed me what love really feels like and how deeply I could love someone. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for making me laugh just by being with you.

I don't know if we were meant to end up together, but I have no doubt that you'll always be my soulmate. I'm truly sorry for hurting you. I can only imagine what you went through because of me, and I'm sorry for every bit of it.

I still remember praying for you, and somehow I got lucky enough to have you. I tried my best, but I know I disappointed you, and I'm sorry. To me, this has never truly felt over. It was always you, or no one else. Maybe it always will be.

I'll always love you.

we broke up around 2 ish months ago and she ended up taking about a week or so of space for herself. after that, she texted me periodically for around a month. eventually i told her this wasn’t exactly working for me and i needed some space to move on or think about things before we can really just be friends. she was a little confused as to why it was taking me so long to move on, the relationship only lasted 4 months but we’d been talking for longer and i’ve known her for over a year. anyway her response was fine and respectful, she told me i could just text whenever i was feeling better about things.

so three weeks go by and i am at a point where im not exactly over her still but i am warming up to the idea of just being friends and I figure I miss knowing her, I can deal with it and I'd love to enjoy having conversations with her even if they are platonic. so today finally texted her, on her number and I got this really unexpected response.

"hi lc"

"who is this. fuck off. aye, she's taken. lil boy."

"oh"

i was totally confused because i mean like i assumed she was probably seeing someone but i didnt expect him to be the one to respond, or so negatively. anyway i got super upset about it and so i moved to instagram for whatever reason and i was just really hoping i could get a real response from her. we haven’t talked in almost a month and it was just really sad to see so I wanted some sort of explanation or like apology or something because she was a really kind person when we were together. this conversation turned out much worse.

"so much for 'text me whenever.' I really cared about you. you were my best friend lc."

instead of replying she tries to call me.

"i cant call, im at work"

"real quick"

"i cant im sorry"

she calls me again and i decided like if it really is her then I have a couple of minutes to spare. and of course it totally wasnt, i picked up and he immediately started like berating and insulting me and belittling me.

"dude"

"Fuck boy. I'll beat ur ass. Ong. Look up my insta, (his insta tag) that's me dawg. Get fucked. Bye, don't text her again. Lil boy. I was in her guts last night."

"i dont really know why you're so angry with me. i'm not trying to flirt or anything i didnt mean to be hostile at all. like genuinely i just care about her."

"idgaf dawg, dont hit her up. i got ur addy. last warning. we're laughing at your pathetic ass. get a life, take a hint for real. lil virgin. lol."

and then she blocks me. i dont really understand how to feel or what to think right now. there are so many thoughts going in my head that are just awful. I really did love that lady when we were together and we've been through so much, I figured if we were friends before I could figure out how to do it again and I still don't doubt that.
but its just like everything is fucked now. im so icked that she would rather choose someone like that than me. I'm angry she bothered to let me know she wanted to be friends if she would let him do something like that. Im angry she let him do it at all. i wanted her to still care about me at the very least.
i'm still trying to process all of this.

The fantasies in my head have been determining my mood lately, for better or worse.

During good moments I think “she’s struggling. She misses me too. She’s living her boring life and dealing with guilt. She’ll take time to truly heal.” The shared struggle puts me in a better place and raises my confidence

During bad moments it’s “she’s already with someone else. She doesn’t ever think about me. She’s already moved on.”

Who knows what reality is, but it is so strange how much power these stupid thoughts hold over me

Should I buy a gift for my ex?

Hi all (21 M). I broke up with my ex last month and it's his birthday next week. I was wondering if I should buy him something for his birthday. He bought me a gift on my birthday and he sacrificed his last money to buy me a gift. He was the only person who bought me a gift and that made my 21st birthday feel special. I still love him but my intention is not to get him back. Should I do it?

For months/years they are your person every single day. You can tell them (hopefully) everything and then boom one day they never wanna talk to you again. It’s just mind blowing to think about.

Well long story short I went to my ex’s house on Sunday to get the rest of my stuff out & when I was in the closet I saw a used condom wrapper. (We broke up back in the last week of May after an almost 2 yr long relationship; so still pretty recent) anywho when I saw the used condom wrapper I wanted to cry, call him and break everything in his house but I held myself back & instead went outside for some fresh air, recollected my thoughts and even messaged my friends. I ended up leaving the wrapper where I found it under some blankets so it looked like I didn’t see it. I got all my stuff & left his house. Before What happened on Sunday w the disgusting condom he had agreed over text to see each other and the dogs we shared (who are now only mine) one last time but I ended up blocking him because I’m utterly disgusted by his actions & honestly it did hurt when I saw the condom on the floor but I feel like that was fuel to my ego because him hooking up with randos made me realize he is running away from himself & the feelings he has for me. Also feel like he left it there on purpose for me to find, it just seemed very staged. So for him to try to get a reaction out of me made me realize I shouldn’t give him a reaction. Whatever person(s) he’s hooking up with can have my leftovers😂 I don’t want him back. Srsly. He’s nasty. I also know his biggest fear was me ghosting him so whenever he tries to contact me it’s just going to leave him on “failed to deliver”. I just find it so funny now that he tried to get me to react but failed😂🤭 I am so glad I’m out of that relationship. Truly a blessing in disguise.

This is a different type of heart break for me truly 😭. We dated in 2023 but around 2024 it was a bit rocky. We made it to the beginning of 2025 but I could tell he wasn’t feeling the same towards me and we ended it. I was heart broken, because to me he was the love of my life. I just wasn’t his. He met someone knew and he’s been with her since. Couple weeks ago I was snooping and found her social media and she just happened to post their baby who looks just like him. We talked about having kids during our relationship because he wanted kids. I told him I didn’t care, if that’s where he wanted me to be, I’d get there for him, with him… I just wasn’t the one for him. It just hurts. They’re a beautiful couple, with a beautiful baby. And I’m here. 2 years later, still sad, still thinking of him and what could’ve been. Sigh.

i ruined the best thing i ever had. i was so hard to communicate with and was cruel at times. now i hate myself everyday for how i treated him. i can’t look myself in the mirror and just feel so awful like i don’t deserve anything. i threw it all away. i can’t live with myself. hes all i want. i dont know what to do anymore. he left.

I also hate it that no contact was broken because he returned my things while he saw me on the same event he was in, he knocked on my car and gave me back my stuff. For him it was nothing but after I saw him, I hugged him and held his hand and he kept on saying "bye". I haven't said anything I became speechless. When I got back inside the car, I cried and my world fell apart, again.

I know love isn’t everything, but when you genuinely love someone—when you treat them with nothing but respect, kindness, and care, make their feelings a priority, and give your all through both the little things and the big things—and it still doesn’t work out, it’s hard to understand why. There isn’t one clear reason you can point to, so you start replaying every conversation and overthinking every little thing. Yet deep down, you know you gave the relationship everything you had and treated that person with as much love and respect as you could. That’s a difficult place to be.

A few months ago, my ex-girlfriend dumped me for another guy. She cheated on me and broke my trust.

Recently, out of curiosity, I checked her social media profile. I saw that she had reposted reels and stories with captions like "All men are the same," "Men are dogs," and "If you trust a man, you will get betrayed."

I’m really confused. She is the one who betrayed me, dumped me, and left me for someone else. But then she has posted content on social media a few days after our breakup acting like she was the victim.

Why was she doing this?

Just needed to come herr once again.
I miss you 😔

i thought i was doing fine this week. like actually fine. went to work, hung out with my roomie, didn’t even check his instagram once. but then i went to clear out my hidden folder to make space on my phone and found all those stupid videos from our beach trip last summer.

it’s so weird how someone can just go from being the person you text literally every single thought to... nothing. a stranger who knows all your secrets. I keep catching myself wanting to send him photos of random things that happen during my day, then i remember. and then that heavy feeling in my chest just comes right back 🫠

i know it gets better eventually or whatever everyone keeps telling me, but right now night time is just the worst. just needed to type this out so i wouldn't text him. hope everyone else going through it tonight is hanging in there.

My ex (28M) texted me after almost a year of complete no contact. I’ll attach the screenshot because it honestly speaks for itself.

For some context, he was the biggest red flag I never saw because, well… love.

He exploited me financially throughout the relationship. We happened to wear the same shoe and clothing size (I mostly wear oversized/unisex tees, hoodies, jackets, etc.), so he’d “borrow” my original sneakers, expensive clothes, and even a designer jacket. I never got any of them back, even the money that he ‘borrowed.’

Then there was the cheating.

The first time, we weren’t officially dating, but he insisted we be exclusive. He made me delete my dating apps, acted extremely possessive, and then slept with another woman. When I confronted him, his defense was, “We’re not in a relationship.”

We stopped talking, and a while later he begged me to give him another chance.

Against my better judgment, I did.

Things were okay for a while, but the possessiveness never stopped. If I couldn’t give him enough time, he’d get upset, yet he constantly dismissed me and treated me like a child.

Eventually, we both moved to different cities for work. That’s when he practically disappeared. He’d go days without speaking to me, promise he’d call “in a while,” then text a day or two later like nothing had happened.

The only thing he never forgot to do was ask me for money.
Eventually, he asked for a “break,” saying he loved me, I was the best woman he’d ever met, but he needed to focus on his career and would “figure things out.”

I’d had enough and ended it.

Even after the breakup, this man had the audacity to ask me to buy him a guitar on my credit card because he’d “pay me back later.”
I blocked him immediately.

Later, mutual friends told me he’d been cheating on me again anyway. I figured it out before only, he knew that I knew.

Fast forward almost a year, and he suddenly reaches out with an apology.

The funny part? A year ago, I would’ve cried reading it. Today, I just read it, wished him well, and went back to making dinner with my partner.

Healing is a beautiful thing. Sometimes the best closure is realizing the apology doesn’t change anything anymore.

Edit/Update:

Firstly, thank you for all the support. I genuinely didn’t expect so many kind messages. ❤️

I also noticed a lot of comments saying I shouldn’t have replied, that maybe I still have feelings for him, or that if I were truly happy in my current relationship, I would’ve ignored it.

I understand why some people see it that way, but that’s simply not my reality.

For context, he reached out from a completely different number because he had been blocked everywhere. I told my partner about the message the moment I received it. In fact, he was the first person I showed it to. I told him I wanted to send one final reply, wish him well, ask him not to contact me again, and leave it there. He supported that decision completely.

My current relationship is in a very good place. It’s built on trust, love, care, respect, and open communication. We are both devoted to each other, and I’d really appreciate it if people didn’t use this post to question or speculate about that. (Tnx)

As for my reply—it wasn’t for him.. It was for me.
It gave me a sense of closure I didn’t even realize I still wanted. Not because I was waiting for his apology, but because reading his message made me realize something: his existence doesn’t affect me anymore. There was no anger, no sadness, no urge to continue the conversation. Just peace.

I’m not a petty person, and I’ve never believed that maturity means pretending someone doesn’t exist. I believe in forgiveness. Whether he truly meant his apology or not is his burden to carry, not mine. At the end of the day, I have to live with my own heart, and I’d rather carry peace than resentment ✨

To the people saying I posted this because I haven’t moved on—I honestly don’t know what to tell you.

If I still had feelings, I probably wouldn’t have been comfortable sharing it publicly, let alone replying with complete transparency and telling my partner immediately.

The reason I posted this was because I remember what it felt like when I thought I’d never get over that relationship…. If even one person who’s currently stuck in a toxic relationship reads this and realizes that healing is possible, then it was worth posting. (More power to you all🫶)

It’s okay to be angry after someone hurts you. It’s okay to grieve. But eventually, if you allow yourself to heal, you reach a place where they simply become… irrelevant.

And that’s a different kind of freedom.

That’s the kind of closure I wish for everyone. ❤️

TL;DR: Toxic ex who cheated, used me financially (even the phone he used was paid for by me), and contacted me from a different number after a year to apologize. I replied for my own closure, not because I still had feelings. My partner knew from the start and supported it. I posted this to show that healing is possible. Being completely unbothered is far more peaceful than holding onto resentment.

For those that have successfully started over with an ex and things are going well, how did you go about it? My ex and I want to take things slow and he asked that we don’t text everyday. I am excited and admittedly, want to just talk with him and tell him random little things like when I come across something that made me laugh. But I’m respecting that he doesn’t want to text everyday. It’s tough, but I think it’s the right move. I told him that I’m okay with not having constant communication, but I’d like consistent communication. And when we make plans I’d like to make concrete plans and not just be a maybe that gets added to his week. Thoughts? How often do you have check ins and conversations about how things are going?

Is it manipulative to say something like “if you ever loved me at all you would give me one last conversation” how do I go about saying something like this without sounding manipulative. I just don’t understand someone can go from being your world and then one day I have to act like he doesn’t exist ? I hate to say it cause I know I’m not owed anything but I feel like I’m owed a final conversation/goodbye.

So he left again. We weren’t officially dating this time it was more like a situationship since he broke up in February. Friday i asked him why he is being distant again and if he still wants to see me some time again and he answered with no. He said he is done with us because the spark faded and he realized he wants someone extroverted, completely independent and the opposite of us and i’m too “quiet, naive and dependent”he is the exact same person as me that’s why we connected in the first place and i tried to be full of energy with him but he never wanted to do fun things so i stopped trying because i kinda got embarrassed by him always saying no to everything. It kinda hurts because i feel like i can’t be mad at him for wanting someone else but then again i feel like maybe i confronted him with his problems thats why he wants someone who doesn’t care or doesn’t constantly ask for his time cause he needs a lot of space. I’ve tried to give him space but it ruined me more because that’s not who i am i have so much love to give. Also his actions made me “crazy” i wasn’t like this in the beginning i had my own life i didn’t care if he answered hours later but now i’m a mess and its unfair i’m getting all the blame for being who i am.
Our last message was me saying maybe we will hear from each other again or maybe not that’s both okay
He then said “yess i wish you the best”

I’m really struggling right now because being told i’m too quiet or boring is my biggest insecurity. I’ve always been like this and Ive been hearing this all my life and i hate it.
I still hope i hear from him again one day

Like the title says 16yrs and gone. Not only losing her but Im losing my home and having to move 3000 miles. I had to quit a substance that recently became illegal here so Im going through withdrawal. I had 4 days clean but I was struggling mentally and I was very open about how hard its been. Anyone that has quit anything knows it how emotional it makes you. I guess she couldn’t take 1 argument. She said shes done. I feel like she has really kicked me while Im down. I couldnt imagine breaking up with her over 1 argument while I know how bad she’s struggling. I wasn’t a junkie. I never spent more than $200 a yr. It just hurts bad. I have no friends or family here so Im stuck in this apartment with her until I can get everything together to move. I feel like she hasn’t loved me for a long time if she can just throw me out like this. Its like she was just laying in wait.

I am remaining completely anonymous because my ex has reddit. To preface, my ex and I broke up 2 years ago due to some personal issues going on in their life that are not mine to disclose. In the last couple months of last year, I received an apology, and it helped me with my feelings quite a bit at the time, but I didn't respond. Recently, an individual came into my job who looked a lot like my ex, and it kicked up a lot of feelings I hadn't addressed yet. This led to several nights of me dreaming of my ex repeatedly.

I finally decided to break no contact recently, and I wish I hadn't. I've cried more than I have in a long while. I saw that they are in a new relationship and seem very happy. I'm glad that they are doing well, but I can only imagine what our life could've been like had I not waited to respond. I regret not saying anything sooner, I want what we had back, and I know that is not possible. I thought I had moved on and healed, but I am still feeling deep hurt, and I don't think I would've stirred these emotions up had I let it be.

I had a relationship between us breaking up and now, but I ended that relationship due to unrelated issues that I needed to address. I had moved on and was ready to be out in the dating field again. Now I don't think I am, and I probably will go another year and a half before feeling ready again.

I just want them to be happy, and I am glad they are finally finding peace. This whole situation just really hurts, and I do not know how to process what I'm feeling.