What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Welcome to the monthly secondary infertility thread. This is a free space to discuss issues relating to secondary infertility without pesky content warnings.

As always you may discuss things anywhere in the sub, but outside of here you must use a content warning.

Women with primary infertility are welcome to comment or ask questions here.

The same rules apply here as they do outside this thread (except the content warning) and any type of insulting or negative comments will not be tolerated.

Those with secondary fertility are always welcome in this sub, and this weekly post will still be here, but if you want a full sub dedicated to secondary infertility there's the wonderful place of /r/SecondaryInfertility you can also participate in.

I just finished my 13th unsuccessful cycle ttc #1. Two chemical pregnancies during those 13 cycles. I just turned 36, husband is 41, we’ve done the whole gauntlet of tests and all looks normal: 2.92 AMH, normal hormone levels in bloodwork, HSG looked great, semen analysis looked great, ultrasounds looked perfect.. I‘ve done two cycles taking letrozole 2.5mg and one taking 5mg, though I don’t think that ovulation is the issue, since I’ve always ovulated normally. I’m working with a great doctor who’s been very helpful, but she hasn’t been able to identify a root cause for our infertility.

I’m sure there will be those who advocate for IVF and we may end up there eventually, but as of right now I’m hesitant to commit to something so expensive. Our insurance has no fertility coverage, and we are not high earners.

It’s the same story I’m sure you’ve all seen a hundred times on these threads, but I’m feeling deeply frustrated today and would love to read some hopeful comments. Is there anyone out there who conceived naturally after their first year of trying? Was there anything that you felt helped your chances? How did you keep from going insane in the meantime?

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

We hit the 4 year mark of trying earlier this month. My husband and I have recently come to terms with not having our own biological children. We have a good life: a dog, we own our house, have amazing neighbors, and the best community of friends and family. Last year we had 5 unsuccessful IUI’s, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and 2 months ago my estranged father died in what seems like a self induced overdose(this is a long process that will not be complete for a few more months). It’s been a heavy 18 months. (Therapy is good!)
But my husband and I have become closer & just focus on building our life, traveling, and doing home renovations.
We also recently have started looking into becoming foster parents. Next week we have our first orientation to get started and we are very excited about this. I’ve also been in therapy for years and even a couple months ago talked about how we came to terms with not having kids and that we are excited to become foster parents.
We went with IUI’s bc it was covered by insurance and was manageable. IVF was out of reach financially, despite living in a state with mandated coverage, our employers are too small to qualify for said coverage. I also don’t know if I want to go through the IVF process, the IUI’s were a lot and 5 rounds really burned us out. Today, my husband got a job offer (ironically he’s traveling for his current job lol) and while on the call with me said that “they have over 50 employees and would qualify us for IVF coverage”. (In a loving half joking way) I went “ugh I had just come to terms with not having kids but now I’ve got a new topic for therapy next week!” With a small laugh, and my husband said “I know I’m sorry” and I could hear a smile on his end. I took a bit to digest this because on the one hand, IVF sounds exhausting and stressful and just A LOT, and I’m excited to start the foster process. However, I think a tiny part of me wants to have at least one biological child. I guess I thought the door had closed, but now it’s creeping back open a bit.
Idk what I’m even looking for posting this here, maybe I just needed a space to write this all out to people who may relate or understand. thanks🤍

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Hi! I’m 22 and my partner is 24. We’ve been TTC since January after I stopped the mini pill. I know compared to a lot of people it hasn’t technically been that long, but I’m honestly starting to feel like I’m doing something wrong or missing something because it just hasn’t happened yet.

We have sex regularly throughout my entire cycle and usually every day or every other day during my predicted fertile window. We’ve pretty much done this every month since January. As far as we know, neither of us have any fertility issues.

My cycles have normally been pretty predictable and I usually start bleeding around CD27. My apps are normally pretty accurate or at least very close with my period and predicted fertile window. I usually seem to ovulate around CD12/13 based on my cycle timing and symptoms. Last cycle was completely different for me and was only 23 days, with bleeding starting on CD24, so I think I may have ovulated closer to CD9. This cycle I’m currently around CD15 and still trying to figure out exactly when I ovulated.

I’ve mostly used Flo and tracked my symptoms and CM. This cycle I started tracking BBT and using Fertility Friend and Natural Cycles because I wanted to understand my actual cycle better. I’m still learning BBT and my temps have been confusing me lol. I also tend to get a one-sided pelvic pinching feeling around when I think I’m ovulating.

I also tried the Mucinex method this cycle with plain guaifenesin around my fertile window. I know there’s not much actual evidence behind it lol, but I kept seeing people talk about it and figured I’d try it once. Now of course I’m overthinking whether it somehow changed my CM or cycle.

I have been pregnant once before and unfortunately miscarried. That pregnancy was with my ex, not my current partner. It completely surprised me because we barely had sex and, looking back, we had sex about 3 days before my predicted ovulation and I got pregnant. My current partner and I have never had a pregnancy together.

I know having conceived before doesn’t automatically mean there can’t be an issue now, especially since that pregnancy was with a different partner, but I think mentally I expected it to happen quickly again. I feel like we’re doing so much more now to actually time everything correctly and having sex throughout my cycle and fertile window, but nothing has happened.

I know logically pregnancy isn’t guaranteed every cycle, but after doing the same thing month after month I keep wondering if I’m doing something wrong. Has anyone else felt like this after several months of TTC? Is there anything obvious I’m missing or doing wrong based on what I’ve described? I’m mainly just looking for advice or similar experiences because I feel like I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure out why it hasn’t happened yet lol.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Hi everyone,
I never thought I would be writing a post like this, but here we are.
My husband (29M) and I (26F) got married in August and I stopped taking birth control right away. So technically we’ve been trying for almost a year now, but we’ve been tracking ovulation very closely and timing intercourse carefully for the last 6 months.
I know 6 months isn’t a long time compared to what many people here have been through, but hitting this milestone has hit me much harder than I expected.
My husband’s semen analysis came back excellent. I’ve had pretty much every hormone test imaginable done and everything looks great there too.
I did have one early pregnancy a few months ago, but it ended as a chemical pregnancy, which somehow makes this even harder because we know fertilization can happen, but nothing has happened since.
This cycle was my first cycle on 2.5 mg letrozole. I responded beautifully.
Timed intercourse perfectly
For the first time in a long time, I really allowed myself to believe that maybe this would be our month.
And now I’m sitting here at 11 DPO with negative tests, realizing that it didn’t work this time either. All I can do is cry and greave the life I thought I’d be living this summer.
The next step will be an HSG instead of the early pregnancy ultrasound I had secretly started hoping for.
I just feel so defeated.
Everyone keeps telling me that I’m young, that it’s only been a year, that it will happen eventually. But when you’re in it, month after month feels incredibly long.
For those of you who hit the 6-12 month mark before success:
How did you cope with the disappointment every month?
Did anyone have a similar story and eventually get their baby?
I could really use some advice, encouragement, or honestly just someone telling me I’m not alone in feeling this devastated.
Thank you for reading. ❤️

Rituals are important in every society, but they tend to focus on positive moments (graduations, weddings, etc), and there are very few meaningful spaces or rituals for infertility and pregnancy loss (Japan’s mizuko kuyō, or “water child” shrines, are an exception that you can read more about on this wikipedia page ). October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and at 7pm that night, people light a candle for their losses. But what about the times in between when people want to mourn their losses? And what about the other reasons we in the infertility community have for grieving?

Rituals are important for processing our emotions and gaining closure, which is why at the end of each month, we’ll be providing an opportunity for people to create their own ritual for whatever it is their grieving and share it here. This post will be shared a few days before the end of each month. The idea is that with the closing of the month, you can take some time to reflect on your recent grief, perform a ritual, and do some processing, with the possibility of being a bit more ready for the new month and the possibilities it holds.

This thread is intentionally loose on guidelines in order to be as inclusive of possible. You might be mourning something tangible, like a miscarriage, failed transfer, failed IUI, or failed timed intercourse cycle. Maybe you’re grieving that your IVF results aren’t as good as you hoped, and are feeling sad about your abnormal embryos, or the fertilized eggs that didn’t survive to become embryos, or the fact that your IVF cycle yielded no embryos at all. Perhaps you’re pursuing donor eggs or donor embryos are are grieving the loss of a genetic connection. Maybe you’ve gotten a heavy diagnosis. Maybe you’re sad that you’ve been benched and haven’t been able to do any treatment in the last month, or that you’re still waiting for an appointment at a clinic, or that you don’t have insurance coverage and need to save, or simply can’t afford certain treatments. Maybe a close friend or relative announced their pregnancy or had a baby, and you’re sad that you can’t fully feel happy for them while navigating your own infertility. Maybe you’re just grieving the fact that you’re here at all. Remember, there are no pain olympics here, and no matter what it is that you’re grieving, your pain is valid.

The idea here is to hold space and honor the different types of grief that we are all experiencing, and give ourselves a dedicated time to process the hardships and traumas of the month. This is not a toxic positivity thing: there is no expectation that because you’ve done a ritual that you should now be able to magically move on. This is simply a chance for us to process some feelings, which is an essential part of healing and not something that we get the opportunity to do in a society where most of us don’t even share our struggles with others, share our rituals, and support each other.

I did some research on grief rituals, and here’s a list of options that fit within our context. This is just a starting point - feel free to create your own or modify these as you see fit. You are welcome to share a photo and/or describe your ritual and what it is you’re grieving at this moment.

• Light a special candle used only for your ritual purposes
• Burn incense or sandalwood (Sage is endangered, making it scarce for the Indigenous people who use it for religious and cultural purposes, so I’m leaving it off this list - obviously if you’re someone who uses it in religious/cultural ways this doesn’t apply to you).
• Write down the thing(s) you are grieving and want to let go of and then burn the piece of paper
• Create a work of art
• Plant a tree or flowers, or buy yourself flowers or a plant
• Take a walk in nature and reflect on the cyclical nature of the seasons and how spring always follows winter. We are in our own personal winters, but nature reminds us that no matter how cold, dark, and sad, spring always follows eventually.
• Read or say aloud an inspirational verse, poem, or prayer
• Play or sing a specific song
• Ring a chime or a bell

These ones apply more to feelings of loss to me, but might be a good option for those who have gone through a miscarriage or feel some other form of loss, such as a failed transfer (loss of the embryo):

• Make a donation to a charity that reminds you of the lost loved one (a friend of mine who had a stillbirth organizes walks for March of Babies (part of March of Dimes) in honor of the son she lost).
• Carrying something special that reminds you of your loved one that you can take out and hold when you feel the need, such as a “worry stone.”
• Create a “place” memory - a certain spot outdoors that you designate for being connected to the lost child that you can visit when you want to remember and feel close to them, such as a certain tree, spot in your yard, or bench in a park.

Over the next few days, up until the last day of the month, this space will be for sharing what you’re grieving and the ritual you did to honor and process your grief. Feel free to link to a photo of your ritual. You’re also welcome to simply write about what you’re grieving without doing a separate ritual - the writing is the ritual in that case.

Hi everyone — I want to introduce myself humbly and with deep respect for this space.

I'm with Chasing the Rainbows, a national nonprofit built entirely around supporting families navigating infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, pregnancy loss, infant loss, and pregnancy after loss.

We exist because no parent should grieve alone. If you're in the thick of loss — we see you, we honor your baby, and we are here.

I'm not here to spam or self-promote. I'm here to listen, support, and share resources when they're helpful. If you ever want to know more about what we offer, my profile has our link.

To every person in this community — your baby matters. Your grief is valid. And there is a community of people who understand exactly what you're carrying.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Welcome to the monthly secondary infertility thread. This is a free space to discuss issues relating to secondary infertility without pesky content warnings.

As always you may discuss things anywhere in the sub, but outside of here you must use a content warning.

Women with primary infertility are welcome to comment or ask questions here.

The same rules apply here as they do outside this thread (except the content warning) and any type of insulting or negative comments will not be tolerated.

Those with secondary fertility are always welcome in this sub, and this weekly post will still be here, but if you want a full sub dedicated to secondary infertility there's the wonderful place of /r/SecondaryInfertility you can also participate in.

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Unexplained infertility here. Had endo stage 4 removed and tried naturally but nothing. Tried one unmedicated IUI- didn’t work. FS says to do Lipiodol flush and try a few more IUI’s before moving to IVF. He thinks IVF won’t be much better as my amh is low at 0.9 ( I’m in Australia) and I am 40yo.

Would be greatful for any input. Thanks so much

Hi! I'll try to keep a long story short. I'm 35F and have had two excision surgeries for endometriosis. AMH is 1.3.

I started TTC around the time of my second surgery two years ago. When I still wasn't having any luck, I started seeing a fertility specialist. I've had tons of lab work, there are no male factor issues, and I've been responding well to Letrozole. However, I have yet to see any positive tests.

My RE wants me to try IUI next. After multiple failed cycles of medicated timed intercourse, this isn't unreasonable. However, I'm really struggling. Because of prior medical history (including medical issues I went through as a child that have nothing to do with ttc), I am wary of more medical intervention, and honestly, just tired of being a patient. Even the HSG I had done was horribly painful, and made me terrified of trying IUI. Am I being the most logical, rational person? No, I am not.

My RE told me that if I'm not willing to try IUI, she wants me to have a third excision surgery. This doesn't make a ton of sense to me, especially since my endo symptoms are (thankfully!) manageable right now.

At this point, I'm struggling with how much I'm willing to put my body through in order to have a kid -- when I don't even know if any of this will be successful. Thank you for letting me share.

My YO results have consistently been strong, but I’m wondering how common it is to have normal count/motility yet still have problems with morphology, DNA fragmentation, or other factors not captured by YO. Did anyone have a good YO test but a very different experience with a formal semen analysis or DNA fragmentation test?

This is what I got from the yo test

. But we have been trying for over an year now

test1 : Concentration 58.9 | Motility 90% | Progressive Motility 85% | MSC 53 | PMSC 50.3

Test 2: Concentration 107.7 | Motility 74% | Progressive Motility 71% | MSC 80+ | PMSC 76

Test 3: Concentration 55.2 | Motility 82% | Progressive Motility 78% | MSC 45.3 | PMSC 43

What's going on in your life at the moment?

Click here for the monthly results thread

Hi! I had a medicated timed intercourse cycle. Tested out my trigger, went negative at 10dpt. Yesterday (7-8dpo) I had pretty bad sharp pain in my uterus. It was central pain that came and went. It wasn’t terrible, but bad enough that when it was happening I had to stay down. Then it was just gone, no spotting or anything. Implantation pain I thought was supposed to be mild but after some research I am seeing some women experience painful sharp cramping with implantation.
Anyone else experience this? Or could it be something different? Ttw is torture for sure lol.