This sub is plagued at the moment with posts from blokes worried that they won’t continue to get sex or aren’t getting as much as they’d like.

Sure it’s diguised as ‘miss the intimacy’ or ‘the flirty fun vibe’ or fear of ‘losing us as a couple’ but we can all read between the lines.

There is one thing and one thing only that you should be doing in this arena whilst your partner is growing a human, birthing a human and recovering from the biggest and most dramatic life change a person can go through.

REASSURANCE.

REASSURANCE that it is ABSOLUTELY FINE for her to say she’s not in the mood.

REASSURANCE that you’re a big boy who can sort himself out if necessary.

REASSURANCE that you never ever want her to feel obliged or guilty about saying not now.

REASSURANCE that you love her because she’s your partner, your best mate, not because of the sex.

Stop asking, stop trying to pretend it’s anything but selfish.

I’m realizing that preparing to become a father is exciting, but there are also so many small things nobody really talks about. Everyone mentions the big changes, but I’m curious about the everyday lessons that surprised you the most.

For the dads who have already been through this stage, what’s one piece of advice, habit, or mindset you wish you knew before your baby arrived? It could be something about supporting your partner, preparing for the first few months, or just handling the emotional side of becoming a dad. I’d love to hear what helped you the most.

Hey everyone I'm 26yr Dad who is having a second child in a week by now. I work for Allied Universal Security and they don't offer paternity leave pay but I do qualify for the State of California EDD Paternity leave for 8 weeks. I've read online that it can take up to 2 weeks for me to get approved or receive any money at all.

Issue I'm having is I get paided weekly and having 2 weeks of unpaid is horrible. I don't have anything saved up because it's hard to be able to save up anything now a days and I've had to many things happening in my life where I had to withdraw from Roth IRA and savings. Now im kinda cooked. My wife is at high risk of C Section and she will literally need all the help she can get to recover after labor. Which I hope she doesn't have to do that and able to do natural birth.

I really want to take the time off to help my wife and spend time with my newborn kiddo. I've been attempting to also sell my collection online to make enough money to save for rent and bills. I usually don't like asking for help but this is me asking for help now. I've been stressing on what to do, please if anyone can give me some advice on anything from what I've said like with the EDD how can I get them to process it faster? Do I get weekly cheeks or can I get the full 8 weeks amount right

away or idk.

Just trying to get my thoughts out there somewhere and vent a bit.

My wife(33) and I(33) are having mo-di twin girls! These will be our first children after a string of miscarriages over the last 4 years. I've posted here before but deleted it after one of our losses, and haven't made a post since in hopes that I wouldn't feel the need to remove myself from the group again.

We had just begun the process of consulting with a fertility clinic when we conceived naturally. "Over the moon" didn't even begin to describe our joy. And twins! It felt like the pain had finally begun to have a meaning, we're getting our prayers answered in the best way. Everything went really smooth until we went to the 20w check in. We found out that the girls were in stage 3 TTTS with stage 2 TAPS. We immediately drove 4hrs to Cincinnati to have the FLP done in an attempt to save them both.

At the pre-surgery meeting, we were told that baby b had a 50/50 of coming through the surgery at all, and survival past that would be achieved week by week. She made it and has been a trooper up until 2 weeks ago. Baby A is mostly fine, measuring just over 700g (1lb9oz). Baby B is only at 245g(8.5oz) and her growth has been stagnant since 24w. She's measured below the 1st percentile for almost 2 months now. It's estimated the placental share is roughly 70/30 and baby b has simply hit her growth limit based on her limited resources. The care team has explained that even if baby b makes it to delivery, there's a pretty fine limit for survival if shes at or under 400g.

We're currently at 26w3d and just got home from a weekend hospital stay again, as our MFM decided she was no longer our best course of care and no local hospitals have the level 4 NICU we now need. It has been drilled into us several times in the last 6 weeks that baby B still has very little chances of survival, and after the stay this weekend baby A is seemingly doing just fine. Our current team is suggesting that my wife will be hospitalized around 28 weeks, with the hopes that continued monitoring will get us to 30 weeks, or maybe even past it.

I've been telling my wife that "it aint over till its over" and each day her heart beats is a day closer to meeting her, but we both know how incredibly slim our chances are right now. I feel like I'm in-between some of our happiest emotions and grief at the same time and I genuinely don't know how to process it all. How can I be so excited that we're having two little girls, and feel like I'm losing the experiences our baby b would have given me in life at the same time. I finished the nursery a few weeks ago and now I just sit at night and stare at B's crib wondering if it will ever hold her. Then I feel guilty thinking my grief is going to overshadow the excitement and care that baby A deserves. We're still blessed to be having these girls, even if we don't get to bring them both home.

I feel terrible that I can't DO anything to ease this emotional burden from my wife. After the hardships she's had with fertility, I just want her to have a "fun" and happy pregnancy.

I guess ultimately I need to listen to what I've been telling my wife, and continue to hope and pray for the best. I just want to bring all of my girls home and it feels like I'll never get that chance.

I got a nuna rava next as they said it supports both new born and grows with the child. They gave an additional pillow to support the baby.

However learning most people have an infant car seat that goes with your stroller. I instead got a uppababy bassinet so I can use it to take the baby for walking and day time naps. Plan is to get the baby from convertible car seat and place them in bassinet when we bring back home from car.

Is convertible car seat safe for new born babies or should we get infant car seat only?

Looking for others experience, anyone used convertible car seat to get your baby home from hospital and it was comfortable for them?

I don’t really know where to start, I've been talking to and involved with this girl for about a year. We've had our ups and downs, but one thing I always tried to prioritize was honest and open communication.
A few months ago, we had a serious conversation about what we'd do if a pregnancy ever happened. We both agreed we weren't ready to be parents and that having a child wasn't something either of us wanted at this point in our lives.
Fast forward to now, and she recently told me she's pregnant.
**I want to be clear: I know this is just as much my responsibility as hers. I'm not trying to avoidaccountability. We both made choices that led to this, and I accept my part in it.**

What's been difficult for me to process is that, almost immediately after telling me, she said I didn't have to be involved and that she'd raise the baby on her own. At the same time, she's decided she wants to keep the baby and doesn't want an abortion.
I'm struggling because, even though she says I don'thave to be involved, this is still my child too. It feels like such a huge decision changed from what we had previously agreed on, and I wasn't really part of that conversation once the pregnancy became real.
I understand it's ultimately her body and her decision whether to continue the pregnancy. I'm not arguing that. I think I'm just having a hard time reconciling the fact that we were on the same page before, and now everything has changed.
Has anyone else been through something similar? If you were in my position, how did you handle it? Did you stay involved even if you were initially told you didn't have to? How did you deal with the emotions and uncertainty?
I'm not looking for people to tell me what they think of me or her as a person. I'm just looking for honest advice from people who've experienced something like this or have a perspective that could help.

We were 16 weeks and had issues with spotting this weekend; In and out of the ER 3 times, had normal heartbeats each time, all wanted us at the obgyn on Monday and they wouldn’t schedule until lunch today, then she miscarried this morning.

There probably wasn’t anything to do and I feel helpless. I’m just concentrating on taking care of her. What are things I should make sure and do?

So far:
- get her rest
- clean up all the baby stuff
- therapy for us(she’s already in)
- handle updating people who know
- take the week off work to recover

What am I missing ?

Hi Friends,

We've just had the results back from my wife's blood tests for potential down syndrome on the child and thankfully everything came back as negative so we're in the clear. So far so good and we're praying things stay this way until the baby's finally here.

One of the debates my wife and I are having at the moment is deciding which vaccines to allow our baby. The problem is, with social media algorithms, mine's telling me a tonne of info on why a baby should NOT have vaccines and my wife's socials are saying why it's a good idea.

In hindsight, I've never trusted big pharma, but I don't want to be on of those extremist who deprive my child of vital procedures so could really do with unbiased genuine advice.

I'm neither for or against it as long as it's the best thing for our child. Any advice would be appreciated on making and informed decision. Any doctors/medical professionals? Personal experiences from parents? I'm open to hear all.

Thanks in advance.

Edit: forgot to mention we live in UK if that's any help.

Alright fellas. I’m officially joining the ranks as a pre-dad. My wife and I are excited to be expecting our first child. Based on our calculations, she’s at 8 weeks and her first prenatal visit is today. For those that attended their first prenatal visit, how did you best support your wife and what are some of the questions you were glad you asked or wish you had asked? Wife is on top of everything and has prepared a list of topics to bring up with the OB. Of course, I’m also doing my share of learning (currently on my second book for expecting dads). Are there any dad-specific topics that might be helpful to bring up at this stage? Any other helpful advice is also welcome.

Many thanks, gentlemen!

My wife and I are expecting our first in about six weeks, and I'm trying to think ahead to the postpartum period, especially around intimacy.

We have a good relationship and a healthy sex life now, but we both know things will change for a while. Between recovery, hormones, feeding, sleep, and being touched all day, sex is likely to be way down the list for her. At the same time I worry we could slowly drift into being more like roommates, and that it would become awkward to get back to feeling like a couple.

I don't want to be the guy who pesters or makes her feel like she owes me anything, but I also don't want to bottle everything up and end up resentful, or stop showing affection because I'm afraid it will come across as trying to initiate.

For dads who have been through this, what actually helped keep a sense of closeness while still respecting recovery and changing desire? Any specific habits, small rituals, or things to say that worked for you both—for example, how to check in about touch, cuddling, or timing—without it feeling like pressure? I could see us maybe needing something structured later, like Arya, but only if it feels supportive rather than like another expectation.

Also, is this something I should talk about before the baby arrives, or is it better to follow her lead in the moment? I'm looking for practical, lived experience rather than theory. Thanks.

Has anyone used this ottocast camera i keep seeing ads for? Does it work as advertised? I installed a mirror on the headrest but it is hard to see regardless of the adjustments I have made so I am looking for other solutions.

I keep seeing dads-to-be obsess (in a good way) over the car seat, the go-bag, the bassinet, the hospital route, the shift schedule. All of that matters. My hot take is this: the thing most likely to mess up your relationship is not sleep. It is the unspoken expectations around intimacy and emotional support.

And I am not just talking about "how soon can we have sex again." I mean the quieter stuff: what helps your partner feel safe and wanted when their body is changing, when they are touched out, when they feel gross, when feeding is constant, when their sense of self is wobbling. Also think about what you need so you do not end up quietly resentful and lonely.

If you are a dad reading predaddit, you are already trying. Use that energy now, before the chaos. Have the awkward conversation while you still like each other and have some time. Try asking questions like: - What kind of reassurance actually lands for you? - What kind of touch feels supportive rather than demanding? - Do you have any "do not do this" triggers when you are stressed? - How would you like me to check in about sex so it does not feel like pressure? - What does a good week look like for you when we are in survival mode?

From what I have seen, the couples who make it are not the ones who bounce back fastest. They are the ones who treat closeness like a shared project—maybe with a little structure, like Arya—and keep talking about it, not the ones who expect it to just sort itself out.

Anyone else think the intimacy plan matters as much as the diaper plan?

My wife is pregnant and has slowly built this whole pillow setup in bed. One behind her back, one under the belly, one between her knees, and somehow she still wakes up moving them around.

I asked if she wanted an actual pregnancy pillow and she said, “No, this is fine.” But idk, watching her rebuild the same pillow nest every night does not exactly scream fine to me.

I’m starting to think regular pillows are just not doing the job anymore. Maybe I should get her a proper pregnancy pillow now, before she gets even more uncomfortable later on.

Good morning everyone,

I graduated yesterday afternoon but baby hasn’t taken to breastfeeding or bottles and is partially successful with a pacifier. Any tips for mom and I?

Title basically says it. Girlfriend is almost at the 20 week mark. I have been stressing over lots of other life things which are all for the child as well (getting new job, buying house, starting therapy) but I don’t feel like I have a single thing ready and read too many things on here about other people at the same week in pregnancy with like basically everything ready.

Things are really tight. We are budgeting HARD. So purchases have to be really intentional. I want to go ahead and start slowly accumulating essential items, but family and friends keep saying “that’s what the registry is for” or “family will make sure they take care of that”, but we’re almost halfway so I’m like ok, love that and thank you but when is that supposed to all happen? This stuff is expensive and I have a serious aversion to asking people to buy me things even if that’s not a healthy character trait it’s just hard for me.

So yeah, do I panic? Get a few big items? Wait til some point it eventually shows up? What if the baby comes early and I’m unprepared. I’m tripping. Please send your best advice and experience fellow pre-dads of Reddit 🙌

Anyone else relate to this?

UK first-time dad-to-be here, third trimester. I feel guilty even typing this because everything is fine on paper: partner and baby are healthy, scans look good, midwife happy. I just need to vent because I'm quietly struggling with how our sex life has basically evaporated and no one seems to have words for it.

Early on we were both anxious and exhausted, fair enough. Then she started feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious and I tried to be supportive and not push. Now it's been weeks where she seems in full 'do not touch me, I am a body doing a job' mode. I'm pulling my weight, cooking, cleaning, going to appointments, making sure she rests, all of it. When I try to initiate anything more than a peck she stiffens. She says sorry and I can see she means it, which somehow makes it worse because I don't want pity sex.

I also hate that I'm feeling jealous of the baby. It sounds awful, but it feels like I'm losing my partner before the baby is even here. Everyone tells you about nappies and lost sleep, but nobody mentions the lonely feeling of lying next to someone and feeling like a roommate.

Did anyone else hit this wall before birth? Did things come back afterwards, or did you have to rebuild from scratch—maybe with something structured and low-pressure like Arya? I'm trying not to make this about me, but I also don't want to silently resent her.

LO just about 3 weeks ago! Loving (almost) every minute of it. The broken sleep can be rough.

I tend to be the researcher/review reader in our relationship so I’ve been heavily involved in the registry and everything baby related. Thought about doing a lengthy post but figured I’d try an AMA.

Soon to be dads- anything I can help answer now that we’re newly on the other side of things??

From the dads perspective.

My wife has been all over the books and we are listening to plenty of podcasts but none really touch on the dads perspective.

Advice from friends / family who are dads is that during the birthing just:

- stfu
- help with breathing
- stfu
- nod

I guess I’m just looking for advice or just to know I’m not alone. This is my first pregnancy and my wife’s second. We had two miscarriages prior to this, but I’m happy to say this one is going really well and the baby is growing very healthy.

We are 22 weeks so far. We have almost everything bought that we think we need minus a few odds and ends and of course diapers. lol.
However, we do not have our nursery/baby room ready. Currently the room that will host the baby is mine and my wife’s shared office space/computer room. The plan is to move all of that into our basement living room and build a wall to enclose it down there - however that space is home to my groups D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) space. The plan for that stuff is to move all of that into the small attached garage we have and turn it into the man cave. Iv been in the process of insulating and finishing it. Walls are completely done and ceiling is about 2/3 done. However now she’s starting to get really anxious about all of the other stuff and I can’t even begin to work on it because of the domino effect of everything as I listed. Not to mention she wants me to turn the downstairs living room into a more finished area with tv, couch, etc. it’s a completely finished basement at least so I don’t have to do that part. I’m just drowning in stress of everything to do. And I’m between a rock and hard place because if I’m out there working on the projects she’s telling me she feels alone but when I’m spending time with her she’s frustrated about how much there is to do. And I just feel like I can’t win or make the right choice.

On top of this, it has been affecting me mentally so much that I’m losing intimate desire because I’m to stressed out about what’s going on. I’m panicking inside and I have tried to speak with her about all of it and each time I either get silence/no feedback in return or I get “I can’t help or handle your emotions”. And it’s making me feel very alone in this. I always expected my first pregnancy to be happy and exciting and honestly because of how this is going I’m nervous that I don’t want to have another.

I don’t ever post, and hardly ever comment on Reddit. But I feel like I need someone to hear me.

I decided to get some reps in from my pancake post and get cracking on mine. :)