Art: https://xcancel.com/toho10min/status/1567918205527801857

My primary self-insert OC is canonically transfem and has been for years. Should I be concerned?

That's totally normal cis behaviour right?

:3

Mourning what could have been done sooner, but sometimes the delay favorable. I can't imagine being 17 and trying to tell my dad (or anyone tbh) I'm trans without him crashing out with the rage of 4,000 suns lol

Waiter waiter

Some birthday headpats NOW

Yeah, so much body apathy and confusion. It isn't a good thing but y'know, I'm tired and stuff. I wake up doubting myself and don't stop. Great, constant repression is so awesome.

The numbness has stopped but it's just rampant dysphoria now. Fuck, I despise my chest.

I genuinely believe I'm cis as of today.

The character is Lofi Boy from the Lofi Girl channel.

Yeah I’m just nervous about telling them and if they’ll accept me.im also nervous is they’ll actually agree to call me my new name (Amy!)
Uh thanks bye

I was really uncomfortable carrying a tennis skirt around, but someone changed the store music to this song, and I felt seen. It was so amazing I honestly couldn’t believe it was real. Either that or it was just next on the store radio, but I’m gonna believe that a worker truly saw me and wanted to let me know in best way possible.

got any name ideas folks?

the prophecy still stands, eggs are oblivious to every sign until they crack

Today’s session was awful.

I explained my background and what I was feeling in the previous 2 sessions, this session was for therapist to start doing his work.

He asked me again and again, whether I like guys or girls, whether I did enjoyed “homosexuality”or not (he focused on that and on me liking guys or not A LOT. He kept making asking whether I had fun with my one night stand with that guy)

He then stated something like a diagnosis. He started stating my experience but in his own way. He was respectful and told me to correct him if he was wrong, but whenever I corrected him he would try to refabric his statement in his own way again.

He stated that I am a guy who was totally ok and normal till 16. When my first sexual encounter was with a boy, I became obsessed with having sex with boys instead of girls. So my mind tried to find an explanation to this other than I had “gay”orientation. This is how it lead me to the idea that I WISH I WAS A GIRL. He was a trying to find a way to justify my orientation regarding my sexuality to society expectations and limitations , so he turned into the idea that if I was I was a girl all my problems would be resolved.

He told me that you don’t have gender dysphoria what so ever because gender dysphoria must and would show signs and appear before puberty. It must appear before having such an experience (being with a boy).

I tried to argue with him but he wouldn’t listen and kept turning my words into evidence for his “diagnosis”.
I told him that even though I had an encounter with “homosexuality”, but I barely think about sexuality at all and I truly don’t care regarding these stuff. I don’t care about sex what so ever. All I think of regarding it is the intimacy.

I told him “I think about amputating my genitalia”, what i really meant was that I wanted to get rid of testosterone influences (whether psychological or physical), but he understood that it is a way for my mind to run away from or stop my sexual urges.

I tried to argue, but he thought I was in the denial phase. His mind was like “Hehehe, case solved, now he is going through the denial phase like they all do, all i need to do now is wait for him to calm down then continue with treating the case.”

I knew he thinks I am in denial and he won’t listen to me and if I fixed or told the truth or edited any detail he would think I am lying to get another diagnosis or my mind is tricking me into remembering things incorrectly or fixing things.

I have to clarify something before you continue. I am very confused about my orientation. What I can say right now is that I think I am a bi girl. I know this isn’t really related to Gender, but my therapist kept connecting these things together so I had to for the session.

Now listen carefully. I tried to edit these ideas for my mind for a long time. The truth is that I hated that night I had with the boy, it hurt me, it gave me anxiety and dysphoria (which I didn’t even understand by then), it was awful.
I tried to edit this idea in my mind because it felt like evidence against me being a girl. So I told the edited truth to the therapist.

And regarding orientation. I actually am not attracted to men as men at all. I find certain characters attractive but I think such a thing is gender neutral or irrelevant. I find certain boys cute when they look more feminine. I don’t feel attracted to masculine characteristics AT ALL. I actually HATE THEM. I fantasize being with a man only and ONLY when I imagine myself in a female body.

But regarding females it is different, almost the complete opposite. I am attracted to shapes (types) and almost all feminine characteristics. I want to spend time and make friends with girls instead of boys. I won’t say I feel sexually attracted towards them either exactly because I hate knowing that they perceive me as a man. But if I want to be honest with you and myself, I am a little more aligned with the statement “sexually attracted to girls” than with “sexually attracted to men”. I try to force myself to like men sometimes just so that I could tell myself “see.. you like men too, so you are a girl” (Again.. I know this isn’t really relevant, but for my therapist and society in general it is).

Another thing I would argue about is that I have never thought about wanting to be a girl or had an urge towards men between 16-18 (my encounter was on 16), which is a time span after the “trauma” the therapist is describing.

On the other hand, ever I was young I felt happy when people included me with women or described me with a feminine phrase. I liked it when people called me cute, when my aunts made me crossdress, when my mother calls describes me as feminine, when my brother tells me ‘stop acting like girls’, when my classmates treat me as the a girl sometimes, when I play with feminine games, when I read a book that defines or differentiates between men and women and find myself lying on the female spectrum, when I get treated as one of the girls, when I act or think in ways most males don’t, when I look more feminine, when I grow hair, when I shave, when people tell me things like “When you were young, you didn’t like to play and fight with the boys, you used to sit and play with the girls instead”, when I am able to cry without getting judged, when I am able to be extra emotional.

I wish I could have menstrual periods. I wish I could have mood swings without being judged. I wish I could grow my hair without being judged eventually. I wish I could care about my skin and hair more often without getting judged. I wish I could sit at the home do house chores and raise my children. I wish I could be a lovely housewife. I wish I could have my ears pierced. I wish I could go with my mother/aunts to women wedding parties and dance. I wish I could dance and train for dancing without being judged. I wish I could wear certain clothes and fabrics. I wish I could care for children and interact with them more freely. I wish I was able to be included in all activities that girls do (for example: clamming hair and doing hair ties, talking about feelings, trying dresses, sharing hobbies without competition, playing soft games, talking about hobbies more openly, gossiping about boys, etc..)

Now I am remembering something. The therapist began his session with question about pain ‘being forced to do something for my own good’ (that is what he meant). From that moment, I knew the path this therapist will take. I knew I wasn’t going to get affirmed this session, or maybe ever.

—Side note, I used quotes on some words to point out that he still sees and thinks of me as a boy.

I think I'm just scared because of the way the world treats Trans people, because like before I was like yeah I'm Trans but now I've been getting more and more unsure but I think thats because my mom has been more transphobic as of lately. I'm also incredibly numb rn. when will it stop it won't stop. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. I just putting this off until tomorrow again and again and I need to stop. when will I accept who I am?

I need to listen to sensei wu. "Don't put off til tomorrow what can be done today" there's also another quote from garmadon that really good and applies to my situation. "people don't change they only reveal who they truely are".

I'm also incredibly mad that I can't start my transition yet despite how unsure I am. Saw another post that was like "stalling because I'm not confident in this yet" im paraphrasing from memory here so probably not exactly what was said but you get the idea.

transphobia is really getting to me rn. I'm listening to breakcore rn it usually helps me process this stuff.

and i will be ok. but i'll never be the same.

I'll still take ggd, gladly! I just dont want to OD, this is my 3rd eggirl post in a row

It's just so disapointing, y'know. I keep hope this is some terrible nightmare, and I will wake in my actual body, but no it is a nightmare, I'm not one. Somehow still can't accept this and it annoys me. Like why can't I fully accept this yet, I did before but now I'm so confused. even tho I just wanna be a girl. I don't wanna be a boy.

I've already talked to him about a few of my "body image issues" (disphoria) and outright told him there was more that I couldn't tell him yet. He is generally accepting of trans people, though I don't know how supportive he will be or if he will even believe me. I also thinks he already suspects what's going on, because I am Unsubtle™.

Hey everyone, I've got my first therapy session tomorrow. It's so scary because talking about these feelings to a certified psychiatrist feels like a big step in my transition but I'm also kinda excited because I'll be one step closer to who i truly am. Id also like it if anyone could give me any advice or expectations that I need to know before going in.

How I feel after running out of meds for a bit

No i dont play overwatch anymore and even if i did still play im an Orisa main

Basically how I felt when I started to realize I'm a girl.