I started working with this guy about 6 months ago and at first I thought we just had similar taste. I bought a specific green phone case, he got the same one a week later. I mentioned the coffee place I go to before work, he started showing up there. Then he got almost the exact same haircut as me after asking where I go.

The weirdest one happened recently. I told him I had been saving money to buy a used record player and showed him the exact model I was looking at. Week later he came into work saying he had just bought that same one, even though he had never mentioned being into records before.

None of these things are serious on their own and hes never been rude to me, so I feel ridiculous even being bothered. But its happening often enough that I’ve stopped mentioning things around him. Do I say something or just accept that he copies people he likes?

My mom and dad split up about twenty years ago, he remarried about 3 years after the divorce. Growing up both my sister and I got along with our new stepmother, but their marriage wasn't without it's faults. Now, me (23F) and my sister (24F) are living in the same town and working similar jobs. My dad and stepmother had another daughter who is now 13 and still living with them. Around the beginning of this year my stepmother started posting podcast clips from marriage counselers on facebook, at first it wasn't anything too extreme, typical "healthy marriage dynamics stuff" also around this time my sister and I began noticing some behavior changes in both my dad and my stepmom, the house seemed more calm, they seemed to be on the same page more often, we were extremely proud of them for rebuilding what hadn't been working in the past years. Since then, things have gotten out of hand. The podcast clips being posted on my stepmom's facebook started becoming less about marriage and more about the "woman's role" in a marriage. She began adding captions that explicitly described how my dad was treating her into "submission" and how she "couldn't be happier." My dad has began giving ME (a single gay woman) advice on how I need to submit to a man and let him take care of me as his "biological duty" whatever the fuck that means. In the past 6 months the following incidents have taken place:

1. My sister, brother in law and I popped in for a surprise visit to my dad's house, we were greeted at the door by my 13 year old sister. We asked where my dad and stepmom are at and she responded simply with "they've been in their room since this afternoon, they told me not to knock" we ended up taking her out of the house and out to dinner, they did not call to ask about her until later that night.

2. My stepmother has posted multiple facebook photos wearing a neck shackle, padlock necklaces and/or DOG COLLARS around her neck, taking the photos at angles that are clearly making the necklaces a focal point

3. At a 4th of July barbecue, my stepmom repeatedly referred to my father as "daddy" not only to me and my siblings, but to people who have no relation to my father at all, family friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances.

About a month ago, my sisters boss approached her and asked quite bluntly "what's going on with your parents?" my sister said she simply didn't have an answer. All she could muster up was "I have no idea." Around the same time, my boss and coworkers asked me a similar question and admitted that the pictures they were seeing on facebook of my stepmother made them a little uncomfortable. We live in an extremely small town, almost every resident has known my dad since he was a kid, so having people ask about how he and our family are doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, but these comments have my sister and I extremely embarrassed. After the 4th of July, my little sister confided in me that some of the girls on her basketball team were calling her parents weird and "freaky". This absolutely broke my heart, my little sister is homeschooled and overall a very shy kid. She has always had a hard time making friends and engaging in conversation with kids her age, so hearing that my parents' sex life is potentially jeopardizing my little sister's social life at an already fragile age made me upset and humiliated.

Both my older sister and I have sat down and had conversations with our father about how we aren't comfortable being approached in public about their sex life. He brushed it off pretty casually saying something along the lines of "that's messed up, it's not anyone else's business" and while I agree, that sentiment does virtually nothing to help any of his daughters. I want to make clear, I am not saying my parents shouldn't have a healthy sex life, I do not care what they choose to do in their marriage. However, I am worried for my little sister who is still living with them and has nowhere else to go, and I am sick of having to advocate for them when they continuously make everyone else blatantly aware of their lifestyle. I am happy they have found a marriage dynamic that works so well for them, but I wish I knew WAY LESS about it. Reddit, how to I fix this??

P.S. for anyone who might be confused: I am 23, my older sister is 24, my little sister is 13 and does not share the same mom as me and my older sister. I would like to keep them as anonymous as possible.

UPDATe: Before I could message her she kicked me out of her bridal party.

Hello! I need outside perspectives please because I am obsessing and stressing over this and cannot tell whether I am being reasonable or a terrible friend.

One of my close friends is getting married next year. She is also supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding which is coming up in a few months so this feels especially emotionally tricky.

Months ago, she floated the general idea of doing a destination bachelorette trip. I was generally supportive. She had a pricey location in mind but other than that no complete schedule or actual cost given. Just vague figures. Thought when planning got more serious I would have time to speak up early. Nope.

The first proposed schedule I heard was basically Monday through Friday. I immediately said that taking an entire workweek off would be difficult for me and that I could probably only attend for part of it.

The schedule then shifted to Thursday through Monday. Once I learned that, I said I could not stay through Monday and would need to leave on Sunday. I thought that was a fairly normal compromise: attend Thursday through Sunday, participate in most of the trip, and avoid having to take yet another day off work.

At this point, I still had not been told what the trip would actually cost.

Then we received a message saying that she was essentially ready to book it and would proceed. Just like that. I had to ask cost; that was when we were finally told the lodging would be around $1100 per person.

The destination is also roughly an eight-hour drive from me each way. That means the $1100 would only cover lodging. It would not include gas, groceries, restaurant meals, drinks, activities, excursions, or anything else planned during the trip.

Once I saw the actual cost, I messaged her privately and told her that I could not afford it.

Her response was not openly cruel and I do believe she was trying to make it work, but the tone made me feel like the issue was that I had not planned or saved properly rather than that the trip itself was outside my budget.

She pointed out that the trip was still a long time away and suggested that I could start setting money aside for it now. She broke it down into a smaller monthly or weekly savings amount, basically saying that I had time to save for it.

I understand the logic but saving the money gradually does not change the fact that I would still be spending more than $1100 on lodging alone. I do not think it is financially responsible for me to allocate that much money to one bachelorette trip. I’m not in the best place financially, I have a lot of obligations and it sucks but that’s how it is right now.

She then offered another option where I could pay by the night rather than paying the entire chunk. I genuinely appreciate that she tried to offer an alternative but that is still around $250ish per night. Even if I only stayed one or two nights, I would still be paying around $250–$500 for lodging, plus gas, food, activities, and sixteen total hours of driving. Driving eight hours each way for one night also feels kind of insane. I would spend almost as much time traveling as I would actually spend at the destination.

I have been trying to convince myself that I should force one or two nights to work because I feel so guilty, but once I add everything together, even the shortened version is still outside what I can reasonably afford.

I’m gearing up for my own wedding and she is supposed to be standing beside me in it soon. I’m freaking terrified that declining her trip will create resentment or tension before my wedding or affect our friendship.

For comparison, I kept my own bachelorette relatively low-key (if you can call it that because it was still a trip, invited all our friends and significant others, combined Bachelor and Bachelorette). It was Thursday through Sunday, about two hours away, and the lodging was around $280 per person. Attendance was optional and I tried to keep the cost and travel manageable for everyone. We planned everything out together in a groupchat.

I know she is allowed to want a completely different bachelorette experience. I am not saying that because my trip cost $280, hers is required to cost the same. I mention it because I really tried to consider what the people attending could reasonably manage (including myself!) and I think that influenced what I assumed the planning process for her trip would look like.

I thought there would be a conversation about budgets, distance, and availability before someone announced that they were about to book a house costing each person more than $1,000. I did not realize that generally expressing interest months ago would be treated as agreeing to any eventual destination, schedule, and price.

I also think I could have brought up a specific budget sooner. That is the part I feel guilty about. I did raise concerns about the weekday schedule and the amount of time away as those details emerged, but I did not specifically say, “My maximum lodging budget is X,” because I thought the cost would be discussed before we locked everything in.

Now I feel like my choices are either to spend money I do not believe I can responsibly spend or disappoint a close friend who is about to be in my own wedding.
We left it last night where I tried to bow out and she said pay nightly instead. I have my message written in response that gives her love and apologies but holds firm that I cannot make this work. Ended it saying I’ll be there every step of the way for her wedding and I’m sorry and I love her.

Am I being unfair by backing out after initially saying I wanted to attend? Should I have been expected to start saving once the general trip was mentioned, even though I did not know the final cost? Does the offer to pay by the night make this reasonable enough that I should force myself to attend briefly? How would you handle this knowing the bride is supposed to be one of your bridesmaids very soon?

TL;DR: A close friend who is also supposed to be in my wedding soon planned a bachelorette trip hours away by car. Dates were discussed. The lodging cost was not revealed until she said she was basically about to book, at which point we learned it would be $1100 per person before gas, food, or activities. When I said I could not afford it, she suggested I had plenty of time to save and later offered to let me pay nightly after I tried to gracefully bow out. Even a shortened trip still feels financially irresponsible but I am terrified of damaging the friendship or creating tension before my wedding.

PLEASE share your stories and perspectives. I need advice please. I feel like such a shit friend, this is so hard. Thank you for reading. 🫶🏼

don’t even know where to start. My heart and my life feel like they’ve shattered into a million pieces.

​Up until a week ago, my boyfriend (1.5 years together) was the most loving, caring, and wonderful partner I could have ever asked for. Just the day before he left, he surprised me at work out of nowhere just to see me. I felt so loved and secure.

​Then he left for a trip to the mountains with his friends, staying at a buddy’s apartment. Almost immediately, everything flipped 180 degrees. He completely started ignoring me. He pulled away, barely replied to my messages, and left me feeling like I was losing my mind. I knew in my gut that something was horribly wrong.

​When he finally came back, he acted distant and cold, as if he was waiting for me to break up with him. He had two full days to come clean or talk to me, but he stayed silent. Finally, I pressed him, and the truth came out.

​He admitted that while on the trip, he stayed close to a girl he literally met a week ago (who is visiting from abroad and leaves in a week). He confessed to:

​Sleeping right next to her while holding her hand.

​Going on evening walks with her, holding hands.

​Cuddling with her and having her sit on his lap.

​Emotional intimacy that went far beyond "friendship."

​He looked me in the eye and told me he thinks he "likes her" and felt a "spark" with her - a spark he claims had faded between us.

​At first, he acted cold. He said he wanted to break up, that he didn't deserve a second chance, and that he didn't even want one. Then, his story shifted, and he started claiming that "it wasn't actually cheating."

​Now, he’s spiraling and spamming me with horribly long messages begging for forgiveness. He says he suddenly realized what he lost, apologizing profusely, and literally told me he "destroyed his house for a night in a hotel." He is begging for another chance and claims that while it was happening, he didn't realize what he was doing or view it as cheating.

​To me, this is both physical and emotional cheatin, and the emotional betrayal hurts ten times worse. I feel so much disgust thinking about how he could do this after everything we built. That he could bond like that with some other girl that he wont see ever again.

​I’m completely lost. Cheating has always been an absolute dealbreaker for me, but I’m struggling to process this:

​Is it even possible for someone to "not realize" this was cheating, or is that just a pathetic excuse to shift guilt?

​How do I actually leave when I know in my head I have to, but my heart physically can't bring itself to let go?

​Is giving a second chance in a situation like this ever realistic, or am I just holding onto the ghost of who he used to be?

​I feel sick to my stomach and just need some honest advice or perspective from people who have been through this.

​TL;DR: My loving boyfriend of 1.5 years went on a trip, held hands, slept next to, and cuddled another girl he met a week ago. He claimed he felt a "spark," initially wanted to break up, then denied it was cheating, and is now begging for forgiveness saying he regrets "destroying his house for a night in a hotel." I feel broken and don't know how to walk away.

This is the first time I’m posting on Reddit after a couple years of lurking because to be honest, it’s kind of urgent. Me (18M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been together for almost 10 months come the 24th and it’s been a hell of a 10 months. I love her to death and I would do anything for her, but as of late, a lot of concerning things are coming up that are lowkey scaring me and making me think. We’ve had a couple of prior issues in the past that we’ve managed to get through, but this is something I’m not sure if I can even come up with a solution to.

For starters, the conversation began after I met with a US Air Force recruiter for the first time. I’ve been considering for a long period of time in the back of my mind for a backup plan in case I felt like college wasn’t for me or I couldn’t figure out something else to push my life in the right direction. Now, I’m taking the steps forward to serve. Understandably, my girlfriend has a lot of concerns toward it, like with the political situation of the country at the present moment or the amount of time that it’ll take for me to finish all the training. I definitely get where she’s coming from in the fact that it’ll affect our relationship, but there’s a lot of things that we talked about prior to this particular conversation that I kind of took note of. For example, she’s told me in the past that once I go in the military, she’ll just go wherever I’m stationed in order for us to be together and plan her future based off of what I’m doing. To me, I felt like that was crazy. She’s been going to college to become a teacher for younger kids and during high school, she was in an early college program getting credits that way as well. It’s like she’s willing to stunt her own growth and watch her dreams burn in order to follow me and invest in mine.

So in regards to the major issue at-hand, I told her about the time that’d take to become an airmen. My recruiter told me about the process when it came to taking my ASVAB, going into basic training and getting specific training for whatever job I book into at tech school. When I told her about it, she said that after I graduate tech school and get stationed to my first base, we’d just have to get married because if not, it’d feel like our relationship was for nothing. I kind of stopped talking for a minute because at first, I thought she was joking but she was dead serious.

It’s like it completely shifted the mood and tone for the rest of the night. I understand she’s scared, she’s told me her concerns about me leaving, being in a new environment around people and ideas I haven’t been exposed to before. But the way that she talks about marriage, especially at our age considering my parents had me and got married at 19 and 18 respectfully, really scares me too.

Another minor concern I have is in regard to her family. Her family’s pretty cool for the most part and they’ve welcomed me in when they really didn’t have to, especially for how young we are. But we’re an interracial couple; I’m black and she’s white. It’s never affected our relationship. Of course, we do live in the South, so we’ve both noticed eyes. But, she’s mentioned to me a couple of times where her mom’s said the N-word audibly and told her that that doesn’t make her racist. There’s been times where we’ve gone to parties or environments where there’s majority Black people and despite my girlfriend going out extremely often, normally with no restrictions or conversation with her mom, that’s when her mom decides to tell her to be extremely careful and watch her surroundings. Around me, that’s not an issue and she’s pretty cool but that’s what scares me. We’ve had personal conversations and heart-to-hearts and despite that, that’s how she talks. And if we were to get married and have a family of her own, I just wonder if that’s how she’d talk when her grandkids would be people of color.

That’s the situation. I was just wondering if anyone could chime in and let me know what they think about it. I don’t really know where to go from here.

I‘m 44 (w) and 6 weeks pregnant. For many years i tried to get pregnant with IVF but all pregnancies ended in a miscarriage. That‘s why I told my new partner (44) that probably there is no need for us to use birth control but I offered that we could if he wanted to. He has three kids already and doesnt want any more.
The impossible thing happened and I got pregnant, despite perimenopause and all doctors telling me it is too late for me.
Now my partner told me I have to decide between him and the baby but how can I make a decision between the two most important parts of my life??😭

I do feel too old and very tired to do this all by myself😢

I’m 18, and just found out the college fund my parents always told me not to worry about us basically gone. My mom invested almost all of it into an alpaca farm with a family friend because she thought it would become a huge business with wool sales, breeding, farm tours etc. Long story short the business failed and they lost everything in less than a year.

I only found out because I asked when my tuition was going to be paid. Then my dad admitted there’s barely anything left, while my mom defensively keeps saying she genuinely believed it was a good investment and that I can take our student loans “just like everyone else”??

I feel betrayed and so fucking frustrated. I don’t even know where to go from here.

I (23F) was eating dinner tonight with my family, and my brother brought up a silly phrase that made us all laugh, since none of us had heard it before. So then we started going around the table to see what we should call each other, based on a silly phrase we had said in the past. When they got to me, they all paused to think for a good while, and my dad finally said, “Armpit hair.” That hurt quite a bit, I’ll admit.

My family makes a very large deal about my armpit hair; which is something that I never bring attention to or bring up, because I’ve never seen it as a big deal. I have a skin condition (Hidradenitis suppurativa) that causes me to develop cysts in places where my skin rubs together, and I finally started getting the courage to stop shaving. In the past, I have found that making that small change helps so much with reducing how many cysts I get. I’ve explained this to them before, but they keep making fun of me for it. I just want to be left alone, man. What do I say in response the next time they bring it up?

My 15-year-old sister is a meth addict. I don't know how to help her anymore.
I'm posting here because I'm completely lost and hoping someone who has been through something similar can offer advice.
My little sister is 15 years old and has been addicted to meth for roughly the last two months. There was a period of about two weeks where she told us she was sober, but looking back, I'm not even sure if that was true.
We recently found out that she's no longer just smoking meth—she's injecting it now, which has terrified our whole family.
The hardest part is that our parents have basically given up on her. They don't want her living with them and have made it clear they don't want the responsibility. Because of that, my siblings and I have all taken turns trying to care for her and keep her safe, but we're all young adults with our own lives, and we're completely out of our depth.
At the moment, she's living in unsafe environments with people who are also involved in drugs. We know she's not safe, but she refuses to come home or stay somewhere stable.
We had rehab organised for her, and we genuinely thought it was our best chance of helping her. At the last minute, she refused to go, and because she didn't consent, there wasn't anything we could do.
She was also placed in a youth refuge for a while, but she was recently removed by police after vandalising the property. Since then, things have only gotten worse.
We've tried getting help through DCJ, but we've essentially been told that because she's almost 16, they'll "work on her when she's of an age for independence." From what we've been told, the plan is for her to eventually live independently, but I can't understand how anyone expects that to help a 15-year-old who is addicted to meth.
I feel like we've exhausted every option we know of. We're terrified that if things continue the way they are, she's going to end up seriously hurt or worse.
I'm not looking for judgment. I'm looking for advice from people who've experienced meth addiction themselves, had a sibling or child go through it, or work in this area.
Is there anything else we can do when she refuses treatment?
How do you support someone who doesn't want help?
Are there services or approaches we might not have considered?
Has anyone been in a similar situation where a young person eventually turned things around?
I love my sister so much, and I don't want to give up on her, even though it feels like every service around us already has.
Any advice would mean a lot. Thank you for reading.

Me just found out my husband has been using the nuru massage service 3 times in the last 2 months- we had 2 kids and in our early 30s.

we had sex but once a week, sometimes twice a week. I do feel betrayal but i know it maybe just because he wants to get relax and that his way of release stress.. however, i now feel empty and disappointed.. please give me some advice

I was helping my mum (56F) with something that involved her emails and I came across an email along the lines of "Your Custom Song is Ready" with a prompt related to me and my birthday. My birthday party is coming up soon and will have around 100 guests (debuts in Filipino culture are a huge deal). I'm personally not a big fan of ai generated art and music, my mum knows this— she came with me to visit an open day at an art university! (Edit: I also just think that ai generated music/art is extremely tacky. It personally hurts my eyes and ears)

I asked her about it and she got really fickle about it, probably because she wanted it to be a surprise. I asked her if it was AI and she was vehemently denying it was. I searched the website up and it definitely was a site dedicated to ai generating songs.

I know that she means very well and cares a lot, and I'm very grateful for all she's done. But I can't stand the thought of having to sit through an ai generated song at my birthday party in front of extended family and friends. It just feels humiliating because I know I will absolutely hate it and I fear my mum just doesn't understand and that I probably came off as ungrateful. Should I stand my ground or just let it slide?

Edit 2: By "debut" I am referring to the coming-of-age celebration in Filipino culture. It's basically like a quinceañera except instead of it being for 15 years of age it's 18. Pretty lavish and extravagant

I honestly don't even know where to start.

I turned 16 and got my first job at McDonald's. Ever since then I've had 8+ jobs, and I blew every paycheck I made. Nobody ever taught me how to save money or manage it. Since I had no bills at the time, I always thought, "What am I even saving for?"

Fast forward to turning 18. The night of my birthday, I got approved for a credit card with a $1,500 limit. A month later, I went by myself and financed a car because I needed transportation for work and I wanted to get out of my toxic mom's house.

Worst financial decision of my life.

It's a 2020 Mitsubishi Eclipse Cross with almost 97,000 miles now. My payment is $486/month for 72 months at 24% interest. The payoff is around $18k, but with interest I'll end up paying around $33k.

I had insurance for the first three months, but because of a misunderstanding, I thought I was still insured. Turns out there was a $200 fee I didn't know I had to pay, so my policy got canceled without me realizing it.

Then in December I got into a car accident while uninsured.

Someone helped tape my car together for $190 just so it was drivable, but it still has cosmetic damage, wheel issues, and tire issues. I've gotten repair estimates anywhere from $8k-$16k.

Now I also have to pay the National Service Bureau $417/month for the other driver's damages (about $11k total).

On top of that:

• About $1,500 in credit card debt.
• A cash loan with about $650 left ($133/month).
• My RBFCU account is overdrawn by around $400 and just got charged off.
• I'm behind one month on my car payment.
• I can't even afford car insurance anymore.
• I've been to the ER twice in the last month plus the mental hospital, so now I'm expecting medical bills too.
• We barely have groceries.
• I barely have gas in my car.
• My job keeps cutting my hours no matter how many times I ask for more. I only make around $700-$800 every two weeks.

The only positive thing that's happened recently is that I finally finished my dental assisting course, which I thought would open up better job opportunities.

Except... now my licensing application is delayed because my NPDB self-query somehow got mailed back to me instead of going to the Texas State Board of Dental Examiners. I've been trying to call the post office and nobody answers. It's been over a month and I feel completely stuck.

I also want to start doing nails and eventually work for myself because I actually enjoy it, but it feels impossible when I'm drowning in debt.

To make everything worse, I've been off my mental health medication for over a week because my doctor never sent in my refills and nobody at the office answers the phone.

I've spent hours making budgets, debt payoff plans, and trying to figure everything out, but nothing seems to stick. Every time I think I'm making progress, something else happens.

I'm only 18 years old and I genuinely feel like I've hit rock bottom. I know a lot of this is my own fault and I'm trying to take responsibility for it, but I don't know where to go from here.

Has anyone ever been this deep financially at my age and actually gotten out? I don't need people to sugarcoat it. I just want to know where to even start because I feel like I'm drowning.

UPDATE- We had the sit-down talk; I included my brother, who was surprisingly pretty chill about it. We told him that it's completely normal to have those urges, and we both jacked off when we were his age, so he's not some freak. However, we had to lay down a hard boundary: his uncle works a hard warehouse job, and coming home to that on the shower floor for anyone to trip on in is just inconsiderate, accident or not. So now he is limited to all those activities in his bedroom. To help him out, I ordered some adult toy cleaner off Amazon for him, which I will leave on his bed when it comes in, and told him to make sure he cleans that stuff because an infection down there is gnarly. We also promised not to tell anyone around the house because no one wants to be unnecessarily embarrassed. But made it crystal clear that if this happens again and his brother or special needs sister finds it it's going to be a real problem. Lesson learned, and a boundary he hopefully only needs to be taught once

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
My son lives downstairs along with my older brother (55), and they share a communal bathroom. My brother works the night shift. Last night at around 3:00 AM, my brother went to use the bathroom, and he found my son's pocket pussy sitting right out in the open.
My brother didn't want to touch it, so he used a paper towel, moved it slightly, and left it there for him to find in the morning.
Here is my dilemma: I'm not really mad that he has it. He's 14, but he's already 6'2, built like a brick wall, super strong, and genuinely looks like he's 19. Because of how he looks and the physical presence he has, people sometimes forget how young he actually is. He recently moved into my house instead of his mom's because he was running into some issues at school with the wrong crowd, and honestly, I just don't want him to grow up too fast. I want him to actually be a kid.
In fact, I know my 16-year-old daughter has her own stuff, but she keeps it locked away in her room where the younger kids can't stumble on it.
My real issue and what's making me angry is that he left it sitting out in a communal area where anyone could see it. My other son is 7. If my brother hadn't walked in there at 3 AM, what if the little kids walked in and found that? You just cannot leave stuff like that in shared spaces.
When I talked to him about it, he admitted he bought it off Amazon with his own money, so at least it wasn't stolen or anything. But right now, he has chores to do, and he hasn't come upstairs all morning. I think he's hiding out in the basement because he's completely mortified and embarrassed.
I haven't had a real sit-down talk with him about this yet. I don't want to make him feel like a freak for normal teenage biology, but I do need to make it crystal clear that leaving his gear out in the open where the whole family can find it is unacceptable.
What should I say to him when I finally talk to him, and how do I break the ice without completely destroying his ego?

i (22f) am a super virgin. gold star virgin. ive never dated anybody (though ive been in many many situationships). ive only ever kissed two people in my life, and i dont count them because they werent consensual. the first time i was coerced until i was physically forced into it, and the second time i was incapacitated drunk so they took advantage. as you can imagine, this has created even more anxiety around doing anything intimate than i already had to begin with.

i was always waiting for it to just kinda happen to me. as time has gone on, any romantic milestone has become so monumentally daunting in my mind that i now avoid anything related to it. i want to be in a relationship and do relationship things so bad, but im so behind people in my age group that now it terrifies me. this probably also has something to do with the general unknown social etiquette of it all as well because im autistic. a couple years ago i wanted it to be with the "right" person, but now i just want to be over with it. i dont want sex and intimacy to be the bogey man anymore. i also really want to reclaim my sexual autonomy. i feel like only having experienced non consensual intimacy is going to create more dread/trauma regarding relationships going forward. i dont want to end up in a situation where im a middle aged super virgin out of fear because i have no positive or consensual memories of sex. i want to lose my virginity on my terms and im terrified i wont get the chance or ill be so scared of not getting the chance that ill die a spinster.

ok, so im relatively sure (probably 85%) my friend (25m) is attracted to/interested in me. im also attracted to him physically and emotionally. im not worried about catching feelings because his situation is too complicated and incompatible with my wants in a relationship. he has a girlfriend, but they're in a non monogamous relationship. i think he would probably be the best person to do this with because i know i wont get romantically attached and i trust him deeply. hes one of the few people in my life who knows about both of the situations i faced before. hes just a great guy all around to be honest. i dont think he would be opposed to my proposition. i just have no idea how to bring this up without it being insane and awkward. i thought about staging an impromptu "take my virginity" proposal on like a tipsy night together, but i rarely drink and weve never drank together so im not sure how to set that up semi-organically. i dont think i could ask him sober. i know people will think that if i cant ask sober then im not ready or whatever, but im just really autistic. how do i talk to him about this ??? also does the girlfriend complicate things too much ? idk

TLDR: how do i ask my guy friend to take my virginity? how do i know if this is a good idea? please help.

I'm 18F, and recently went to go visit a friend (19F) for 2 weeks. We used to live nearby but she moved to a different province, and I finally got enough to visit her. There's around 5 days left and I just can't keep it in anymore.

Background:

My parents were heavily abusive physically, mentally, and emotionally (strangulation to the point of numbess/coldness, biting that left indents/marks for a day, forced urinating in a dark closet from the ages of 3 to 7, knife pointing, belting, shoving, death threats, regular threats, furniture breaking with threats, etc all from the ages of 3 and onwards, mostly cause I was raised by my grandparents before that) ;and I was /still am experiencing ongoing passive trauma / reminders of said trauma (death threats, threats of violence, furniture smashing etc). I'm planning to move out this year after finally being able to for university starts.

Main:

My friend doesn't know all of it, but she knows I'm scared of physical touch a lot of the time due to physical abuse, and that strangulation/choking is an extremely traumatic experience for me. She knew about me being strangled before.

Which brings me to the point, we were both just on our phones while laying in bed. I was playing a game and she was doomscrolling before she suddenly said "what if I strangle you". I thought she was joking but when she got on top of me I just, froze. And then she put her hands around my neck and I just couldn't breathe, I kept thinking surely she'd let go now but she just kept on holding on until I could feel my face go numb. Afterwards, I just couldn't believe that someone I trusted for years could do that, I remember saying "dont do that, my mom strangled me and it makes me sad", and all she said was "maybe you'll find someone that you like to choke you in the future". Which, I don't even know what to say. I just sat in silence until she got bored again and just bit me. Like held down on my skin until she left indents, and she proceeded to do this multiple times on different places while I was saying "stop", "that hurts", "no": basically everything I could think of. I was trying to shove her off, I held back her arms, I held back her legs, but she was just so determined to bite me for some reason and I'm just so scared she'll 'get the urge' to do it again.

I could still see the marks while showering that night. Its been a day but I'm too anxious to even sleep beside her.

I tried to tell her just, "I don't like being bitten." the same day, and all she said was "you befriended a rabid dog" in the tone one would say "too bad". And I'm just, so tired. I repeated myself and she just said the same thing again. I don't understand how someone that would get so mad at my abusers could do something like this, she's been one of my closest friends for years at this point since meeting in school.

I'm in her bathroom right now after telling her I needed to pee at 2am, and I'm just scared to go back in. Was I not clear enough? Do I even bring this up again?? Was I not explicit enough when I said stop??? Am I at fault for laughing out of sheer shock when she still fought to hurt me even when I was holding her away??? Did I have to cry and scream in order for her to stop? I just, I'm so tired and scared and anxious, God I've run out of anxiety meds while here too.

Been married for 8 months now and dated for like 3 years. He wanted to wait till marriage and i never forced it but now we have only done it a few times and it wasn’t fun. First 3-4 months it was just fine and i was the one who used to start but then i just stopped, it’s been almost 4 months and we haven’t done anything. He still kisses me and cuddles all the time, but when it comes to sex he just finds a way to get out of him, either he’s not feeling well or some other issues. What should i do, i feel so unwanted and unsatisfied.

Hi there! So, here is my situation.

As the title states, my younger brother, who just turned 30, wants to buy a house. He has been working toward this goal for a few years, I believe. He's been able to save about 16k and recently found a house that he is interested in purchasing. Over the fourth of July weekend, I visited my home state and saw the house, and it seemed like everything was ready to go. Then, a few days after I left, I got a text from my mom saying that the lender actually wants another 7k from my brother before he can close, and that one option would be to use money given to him by family. I knew exactly where it was going as soon as I saw that he needed more money, and my mom proceeded to ask me if I would be willing to loan him the money. I didn't want to at this point because I think it's wrong to ask for money from people unless it's genuinely a critical situation, and even then, people should do their best to attempt to resolve the problem on their own.

I didn't agree at this time but asked if there was anything else that could be done. The conversation ended without any clear answer as to what would happen, but I didn't hear anything else about it for a couple of weeks, so I thought maybe something had been worked out. Then, today, while I was at work, I got a bunch of texts from my mom telling me that my brother is now apparently being told that it's actually closer to 20k that is needed on the high end, and 10k on the low end. She told me that my brother is considering selling his vehicle, that has a 16k balance on it, in order to reduce the amount of the money that is needed, so I think that's what would make the difference in whether it was closer to 10 or 20k.

My brother then called me this afternoon and explained the issue, and to his credit, he did say he felt bad asking for money and that one of our few conversations throughout the course of the year had to be about this.

As far as my personal situation, I don't own my own home, have no kids, and don't have any other financial obligations, but I absolutely don't have money. I have a good financial picture that would allow me to borrow money because I don't miss payments on things and don't have any debt apart from about 5k in credit card debt that I accrued as a result of recurring bill payments and some spending that I am working on wiping out over the next few months.

But I've had disappointing financial years this year and last because of some lack of trust and other issues I have had involving a manager that has discouraged me from working more overtime. That's another story for another day, but she's quitting in three weeks, so that will all change. Thank God. But it's been an emotionally, mentally, and just personally immensely stressful time for me for hours and hours of my week, and I've had to put a lot of my financial goals mostly on hold up to now.

I also don't even own my own home, don't have an expensive car, and just don't even consider doing things that will put me in a position of financial servitude as much as I am possibly able to.

My brother has already taken money out of his 401k for this house (I don't know whether that means he actually just withdrew it or if he borrowed against it), but he has taken the maximum out that he is allowed. He has also saved about 16k, but all of those factors included, he still needs another 20k unless he sells the car. He paid for an appraisal that cost about $700.00 and will be out a total of about 3k if he has to back out of the purchase because he cannot cover the cost.

My first instinct in his situation would just be to not go forward with the purchase and wait until he is entirely financially ready and isn't buying something that is at the very upper end, and even beyond, of what he is capable of purchasing, but by now he has already agreed and made plans to have his current roommate move into the house with him, who will be paying $900.00 per month, which I believe is about half of the mortgage payment. My brother's girlfriend is also apparently planning on moving in there as well, which will further drive down my brother's financial responsibility per month, so that's all helpful, but I think that now my brother feels like he can't just back out since other people have already begun to plan on moving in as well, and I understand that given all he's gone through with the house that it's disappointing to have to just give up and start over.

That being said, I just don't think it's wise for me to attempt to loan the money. He told me it will be an 8-10 month period of time over which he will be able to repay me, and even though that doesn't seem like a huge amount of time, I don't even want to have to deal with it for that many months.

I do think my brother is mostly responsible, but he hasn't treated his family the most kindly in the past - nothing huge, just acts selfishly and says things on impulse when something inconveniences or annoys him - and I can see him running into things from month to month where he doesn't have the money he thought he would or something, or he decides that since "I'm family" that I will be more understanding and have lower expectations for him to repay me on time every month or something.

I know that loaning money to family is generally a bad practice. But I also know that some things in life aren't always absolutes and I am willing to help people out when they need it. But the thing is that my financial beliefs are such that I wouldn't ask for money from anyone unless I was in a dire circumstance, and he's not. So, I guess I'm just looking for advice from anyone who may have gone through anything like this, if you agreed to help, and what the outcome was.

I'm 18f and am leaving for university in about 3 weeks with my partner. I recently got a UTI and told my mom and she asked if I was sexually active. We have a good relationship so I felt no reason to lie and said yes. These past two days my parents won't look at me and only gave me one word answers.

Today my mom asked to talk where she sat me down and told me how I've broken her heart by having sex in her house and it feels like I've stabbed her and my father. She said that I've broken all trust and that she's so disappointed. She sobbed as she told me how she couldn't believe I would do this to them. She told me that I've broken my father and that I've severed our close relationship. She also keeps saying that I didn't think about the family and how this would affect everyone.

She was raised religious and waited till marriage and kept making comments about women who have sex before marriage and I can't get them out of my head. She said that this is all her fault, that's she "gave him the key to your vagina".

She said I didn't respect them enough to do it outside of the house, that other teenagers at least fuck in cars rather then disrespecting there family.

I don't really know what to do. I understand what she said and I apologized as sincerely as I could and it will never happen again of course. We've always been open and I have a close relationship with my mom and I never thought this would happen when I told her. I always thought about the first time I would have sex and I knew I wanted it to be somewhere where I was safe and comfortable and I thought my mom felt the same.

I feel really ashamed. She keeps telling me I've broken the family. Did I fuck up that bad?

I’m 23 years old. I work full-time, have my own car, and I’m currently saving to move into my own apartment. I still live with my parents because I’m trying to save money before moving out.

One of my friends invited me to a girls’ hotel sleepover before summer ends. There will be seven girls there, and I know all of them. The plan is just to hang out, spend the night, and leave the next morning so I can go to church.

I told my mom about it instead of trying to sneak around because I wanted to be honest. She told me she doesn’t like the idea because it’s at a hotel. She said hotels make her nervous because of things she’s heard about, like shootings, police activity, and other safety concerns. She also said she’s worried because I’m a young woman and she just doesn’t trust that environment.

Then she texted me:

“I had plans Saturday since it was our anniversary, but if that’s what you want to do… it’s your choice. Me and dad are disappointed.”

For context, the anniversary plans were between my parents, not plans that involved me. So I was confused about why that was brought up.

She also later texted me:

“The same stuff I tried to teach y’all in Sunday school, you letting it consume you.”

That honestly hurt because I don’t feel like going to a girls’ sleepover means I’m throwing away the values they raised me with. It’s not a party, there are no guys involved (that I know of), and I don’t drink or do drugs. We literally just planned to hang out and spend time together before summer ends.

I completely understand that my parents are worried because they love me, and I appreciate that. But at the same time, I’m 23 years old. I feel guilty because they said they’re disappointed, but I also feel like if I keep making every decision based on whether they’ll approve, I’ll never really become independent.

Some of my coworkers even told me, “You’re gonna forever be trying to please your parents or let somebody else live your life.”

I’ve decided I’m still going, but now I’m wondering if I’m wrong for feeling this way. Am I being selfish, or are my parents having a hard time accepting that I’m an adult? How would you handle this situation?

So recently I(26F) was dog sitting for this family. This is a family that has pretty close connections to my own family. The mom and my dad worked together for a couple of years.

So the mom, let’s call her Jane, called me to dog sit their 6 dogs for her and her family for a week. I said yes. The day before they were set to leave her husband, let’s call him John, decided to not go due to a recent back injury. Because of the back injury he would not be able to care for the dogs so I still took care of them every day even though he was still in the house. I didn’t really have any issue with him being in the home because, like I said, I knew the family and trust them. Furthermore, I hardly even saw John throughout the week that I was there.

Now, Jane and their 2 kids went across the world so there was quite a drastic time difference. Jane and their kids would have been on a pretty opposite time difference from us. I also feel like it is important to add here that for most of the time I was there John was in his room, he would come out occasionally but not often. Their bedroom door was also right next to the front door and kitchen, so if he was speaking in his room I could hear, although I couldn’t hear exactly what was being said, I could hear that he was on the phone with someone for NUMEROUS hours every day and sometimes even into the night. Now i’m not proud of this part but there were a couple of times I needed his help with something (one of the dogs had health issues and i needed help administering a medicine) and he would come out of his room and set his phone face up on the counter and I could see (I know I have no business looking) that he was on the phone (facetime) with a lady who was not his wife.

One day I was coming back by the house to let the dogs out around noon and there was a car I didn’t recognize in the drive way, I glanced inside as I made my way to the door and the same lady that was on facetime on John’s phone was in the car. This lady looked to be maybe in her early to mid 50s (about the same age as John). So I went inside and told John that there was a lady in a car in the drive way and he got very red and ran outside then came back in with a pan of brownies and told me that his mother had dropped them off… Now i’m not stupid, that lady that I saw in the car was not old enough to be his mother. The craziest part is that he said he was saving the brownies to share with his family.

Additionally, there were a couple of days out of the week I was there that he basically told me not to come to the house for a majority of the day, even though he told me he was unable to care for the dogs himself…

So now here is my dilemma and where I need some advice. Jane is a friend of our family, if it was someone we didnt know I would say it’s not my business and move on, but I do know her. Should I say something to her? I don’t really have any concrete proof. I don’t know, maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I just have this feeling that I cannot shake. She doesn’t deserve to get cheated on but I don’t know if I should stay out of it or say something. What would you do in my situation?

UPDATE:
My dad knows the couple better than I do so I will be asking him tomorrow what I should do and go from there, I will try to update.

UPDATE 2:
I have talk to my dad about the situation since he worked with Jane. He told me that while they worked together (they were director and co-director of the high school band) there were rumors going around that he was cheating. He said that it always seemed like John was up something but he could never prove it and decided to stay out of it. So I am apparently not the only one who has suspicions that something is going on. It is unknown whether Jane is aware of the rumors or what is going on. My dad said I could choose to tell her if I want but he is staying out of it.

Prior to my current boyfriend, I was in a committed relationship for almost seven years. During that relationship, I really got to know my body. I learned what helped me orgasm, what kinds of intimacy I enjoyed, and even some light kinks, like spanking. We were comfortable exploring together, and it helped me become confident in my sexuality.

When I started dating my current boyfriend, he told me he'd only ever had what he considered "normal sex." He also mentioned that he hated blowjobs because they had never felt good to him. Because of that, I toned myself down quite a bit. I stopped initiating things like handjobs or blowjobs because I didn't want to make him uncomfortable or pressure him into anything he didn't enjoy.

Our sex life has become very routine. We mostly have sex in missionary, which is the position that helps me orgasm, and occasionally doggy style. I would never say this to him because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but his size does make some positions difficult or uncomfortable, so I've accepted that certain positions just aren't realistic for us. Honestly, that's not what bothers me. I like him a lot, and I can absolutely live without the "fancy" positions.

What I'm struggling with is that I feel like I've become a pillow princess, and I don't want to be.

I want more intimacy during sex. I want more kissing and making out. I want eye contact. I want to feel like we're connecting emotionally, not just physically. He almost always keeps his eyes closed during sex, and sometimes it makes me feel disconnected.

I've tried asking him what he enjoys or what he'd like me to do, but he seems almost offended that I have to ask, as if I should already know. He doesn't really let me give him handjobs, and every time I suggest trying reverse cowgirl, he's not interested. Riding is difficult for me because I already feel insecure, and physically it doesn't work very well for us.

I've even mentioned things like light spanking, and his response was pretty hostile. He immediately shut it down by saying, "I don't want to do that." I've always tried to respect his comfort level, and I genuinely don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do.

But lately I've started wondering if he even enjoys our sex life. I honestly can't tell. Sometimes it feels like he's just going through the motions. Even foreplay is very minimal. He'll briefly touch or kiss my breasts, but beyond that there isn't much exploration or playfulness.

I don't mean this as a list of complaints. I care about him deeply, and I enjoy being with him. I just want us to feel more connected and engaged with each other. I want sex to feel like something we're creating together instead of following the same routine every time.

The hardest part is figuring out how to bring this up. I don't want him to feel criticized or like he's somehow "less of a man." That's the last thing I want. But at the same time, keeping all of this to myself has started affecting my self-esteem. I find myself wondering if he isn't attracted to me or if he simply doesn't enjoy being intimate with me.

I don't need wild or adventurous sex. What I really want is more connection, communication, and a willingness for us to learn about each other together.