A close family member recently inherited a little over $900,000. They and their spouse are buying a house for about $1.19 million. One spouse works full-time in a modest-paying job, while the other hasn't had employment in years, they’re both in their peak working years. To qualify for the mortgage, the lender is using the inheritance as asset-based income, and they're also borrowing around $230,000 from another family member for part of the down payment, with plans to repay the loan after selling their current home. After that, they're planning to make a large payment toward the mortgage and recast it so the monthly payment is more manageable. The lender has approved everything, so I know it's a legitimate way to structure the loan. I just can't shake the feeling that the plan depends on everything going exactly right.

Part of why this weighs on me is that I've been asked to help coordinate the family loan because the relative providing the money isn't in a position to manage the process themselves. I'm not a co-signer and I'm not financially responsible for the mortgage, but I do feel some responsibility because I'm helping facilitate the transaction. On top of that, history has shown that when this couple gets into financial trouble, the extended family often ends up becoming the safety net in one way or another. That's probably the biggest reason I can't seem to emotionally detach from this.

I’m concerned about the pattern. For as long as I've known them, money has always been tight. One spouse has consistently been the primary breadwinner, while the other has spent years waiting for the "right opportunity" instead of taking stable work that was available. There always seems to be a reason why the next job will be different, but somehow they're still in the same position years later. I genuinely love this family member and don't want to damage our relationship. If I say anything, I know it will certainly be taken as criticism and I worry it would create distance between us. So I'm asking strangers because maybe I'm too emotionally invested to think clearly. If this were someone you loved, would you say something or accept that they're adults, let them make their own decisions and hope for the best?

TL;DR: A close family member is using a large inheritance to qualify for an expensive house despite a long history of financial struggles. I'm involved because I'm helping coordinate family loans and I'm torn between speaking up or staying out of it.

I’m getting married in like 4 months and I honestly feel sick to my stomach even typing this out.

My dad sat me down yesterday and basically dropped a bomb on my life. Turns out 19 years ago he had an affair and had a kid. My mom has zero idea about any of this. He’s been paying child support on the low this whole time.

Now, the half-sister reached out to him because she wants to meet the family, and my dad thinks my wedding is somehow the "perfect place" for her to come and meet everyone. He literally offered to cover the rest of our catering bill if I just give her an invite.

I feel completely trapped:

If I invite her, my mom is gonna find out AT my wedding. It will completely ruin the day and blow up my parents' marriage right in front of 150 people.

If I say no, my dad might pull his financial help, and I also feel kind of like a jerk for excluding a sister who didn't ask to be born into this mess.

If I force my dad to confess to my mom right now, my whole family will blow up right before the wedding.

I haven't slept at all. Do I tell my mom myself? Do I tell my dad he's out of his mind? How do I even handle this without everything falling apart? Any advice is appreciated.

This is the first time I’m posting on Reddit after a couple years of lurking because to be honest, it’s kind of urgent. Me (18M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been together for almost 10 months come the 24th and it’s been a hell of a 10 months. I love her to death and I would do anything for her, but as of late, a lot of concerning things are coming up that are lowkey scaring me and making me think. We’ve had a couple of prior issues in the past that we’ve managed to get through, but this is something I’m not sure if I can even come up with a solution to.

For starters, the conversation began after I met with a US Air Force recruiter for the first time. I’ve been considering for a long period of time in the back of my mind for a backup plan in case I felt like college wasn’t for me or I couldn’t figure out something else to push my life in the right direction. Now, I’m taking the steps forward to serve. Understandably, my girlfriend has a lot of concerns toward it, like with the political situation of the country at the present moment or the amount of time that it’ll take for me to finish all the training. I definitely get where she’s coming from in the fact that it’ll affect our relationship, but there’s a lot of things that we talked about prior to this particular conversation that I kind of took note of. For example, she’s told me in the past that once I go in the military, she’ll just go wherever I’m stationed in order for us to be together and plan her future based off of what I’m doing. To me, I felt like that was crazy. She’s been going to college to become a teacher for younger kids and during high school, she was in an early college program getting credits that way as well. It’s like she’s willing to stunt her own growth and watch her dreams burn in order to follow me and invest in mine.

So in regards to the major issue at-hand, I told her about the time that’d take to become an airmen. My recruiter told me about the process when it came to taking my ASVAB, going into basic training and getting specific training for whatever job I book into at tech school. When I told her about it, she said that after I graduate tech school and get stationed to my first base, we’d just have to get married because if not, it’d feel like our relationship was for nothing. I kind of stopped talking for a minute because at first, I thought she was joking but she was dead serious.

It’s like it completely shifted the mood and tone for the rest of the night. I understand she’s scared, she’s told me her concerns about me leaving, being in a new environment around people and ideas I haven’t been exposed to before. But the way that she talks about marriage, especially at our age considering my parents had me and got married at 19 and 18 respectfully, really scares me too.

Another minor concern I have is in regard to her family. Her family’s pretty cool for the most part and they’ve welcomed me in when they really didn’t have to, especially for how young we are. But we’re an interracial couple; I’m black and she’s white. It’s never affected our relationship. Of course, we do live in the South, so we’ve both noticed eyes. But, she’s mentioned to me a couple of times where her mom’s said the N-word audibly and told her that that doesn’t make her racist. There’s been times where we’ve gone to parties or environments where there’s majority Black people and despite my girlfriend going out extremely often, normally with no restrictions or conversation with her mom, that’s when her mom decides to tell her to be extremely careful and watch her surroundings. Around me, that’s not an issue and she’s pretty cool but that’s what scares me. We’ve had personal conversations and heart-to-hearts and despite that, that’s how she talks. And if we were to get married and have a family of her own, I just wonder if that’s how she’d talk when her grandkids would be people of color.

That’s the situation. I was just wondering if anyone could chime in and let me know what they think about it. I don’t really know where to go from here.

I just need some opinions and support. I don’t have any friends and have no one to talk to about this.

I absolutely love my husband and I have done everything I can for him and us to be happy. He has been such a good step-father to my two sons and he has been good to me.

But, since the beginning he has had episodes of being violent towards me (never against my kids). I know that I should have left him when the first incident happened but I didn’t. Everything else was wonderful.

He’s been sick because of his diabetes and been through a few jobs. I’m the one that holds everything down with my career. I never once held that in his face, I just supported him through everything.

He recently got laid off again and he was in the hospital recently because of his diabetes and everything has becoming too much. I pay all the bills, I take care of him, I clean up after him, everything. He gives me some money from his unemployment but then will turn around and ask me to get this and that from the store for him and his chewing tobacco, etc. He is only responsible for his cell phone payment and his very expensive truck payment ($1,200) that he recently purchased. I begged him to get just a normal truck but he insisted that he deserved this dream truck so now his unemployment mostly goes to that.

My house is constantly a mess from all his shit everywhere. I clean and clean and then it’s trashed within a few days. He doesn’t help with the dogs that he wanted. And he’s extremely moody and I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him. But he’s been so good to my sons but recently even that has been changing because he claims he’s sick and just lays around my house all day.

A few days ago, we were arguing and out of nowhere he hit the shit out of me. I saw stars and lost my balance (he burst a blood vessel). Well for the first time ever I called the police. While I was on the phone with the 911 operator, he got his heavy-duty flashlight, smirked at me, and started gently tapping my hands and my throat. Because of all the commotion my sons came out of their bedrooms and he like hugged them goodbye and said he didn’t hit me and then he ran out the backyard and I locked the door. He then went to the front porch and waited for the police to get there. My sons were so upset and crying and begging me to hang up with the police.

Long story short, he was arrested. He’s been in jail for the last 5 days but his dad is going to bail him out today or tomorrow. I was granted a 90 day protection order for me and the boys.

My sons’ father is shitty and they love this man so much. They are just so upset and are begging me to work it out with him.

The thing is, I have hidden all of his negatives from my sons and my family. They all think he is a great guy and have no idea he has a history of putting his hands on me (he even choked me once).

His father called me yesterday and asked me if he got help would I take him back and I said no. He said I should have told him it was happening then he could have helped him. He also basically asked me what I did to cause him to hit me (not in those words but it made me feel like it was my fault). He then said that he can’t live with him and I just said well he’s going to have to live with a friend, I don’t know. I’m probably not going to take any more of his father’s calls.

Guys, I just can’t believe this is happening. This sounds so cliche but I am/was so in love with this man. But I know I can’t risk him getting any more violent with me or my kids. I know I need to get away from him and I am. But he was my best friend. I could talk to him about anything. He understood me so well. I feel so lost without him.

I will start the divorce proceedings soon. I know I can’t let him back in. I’m also on pins and needles waiting for him to get bailed out. I feel like I can’t leave my house or go outside because he might be there and I’m scared. He must hate me so much (I know this is screwed up thinking on my part).

I will get my sons into much needed counseling but what else can I do for them? How can I help them understand that he can’t come back?

How do I get my own life back on track without him?

I recently started dating a guy, and things have been going really well. We recently agreed that we were both ready to have sex for the first time.

Before anything happened, I made it clear that I only wanted to have sex if we used a condom. To me, it’s about protecting both of us from pregnancy and STIs, especially since we’re still getting to know each other.

He told me condoms “ruin the vibe” and that they don’t feel as good. Since then, he’s been acting distant and giving me attitude whenever I bring it up. He keeps saying that if I really trusted him, I wouldn’t insist on using one.

My mom and dad split up about twenty years ago, he remarried about 3 years after the divorce. Growing up both my sister and I got along with our new stepmother, but their marriage wasn't without it's faults. Now, me (23F) and my sister (24F) are living in the same town and working similar jobs. My dad and stepmother had another daughter who is now 13 and still living with them. Around the beginning of this year my stepmother started posting podcast clips from marriage counselers on facebook, at first it wasn't anything too extreme, typical "healthy marriage dynamics stuff" also around this time my sister and I began noticing some behavior changes in both my dad and my stepmom, the house seemed more calm, they seemed to be on the same page more often, we were extremely proud of them for rebuilding what hadn't been working in the past years. Since then, things have gotten out of hand. The podcast clips being posted on my stepmom's facebook started becoming less about marriage and more about the "woman's role" in a marriage. She began adding captions that explicitly described how my dad was treating her into "submission" and how she "couldn't be happier." My dad has began giving ME (a single gay woman) advice on how I need to submit to a man and let him take care of me as his "biological duty" whatever the fuck that means. In the past 6 months the following incidents have taken place:

1. My sister, brother in law and I popped in for a surprise visit to my dad's house, we were greeted at the door by my 13 year old sister. We asked where my dad and stepmom are at and she responded simply with "they've been in their room since this afternoon, they told me not to knock" we ended up taking her out of the house and out to dinner, they did not call to ask about her until later that night.

2. My stepmother has posted multiple facebook photos wearing a neck shackle, padlock necklaces and/or DOG COLLARS around her neck, taking the photos at angles that are clearly making the necklaces a focal point

3. At a 4th of July barbecue, my stepmom repeatedly referred to my father as "daddy" not only to me and my siblings, but to people who have no relation to my father at all, family friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances.

About a month ago, my sisters boss approached her and asked quite bluntly "what's going on with your parents?" my sister said she simply didn't have an answer. All she could muster up was "I have no idea." Around the same time, my boss and coworkers asked me a similar question and admitted that the pictures they were seeing on facebook of my stepmother made them a little uncomfortable. We live in an extremely small town, almost every resident has known my dad since he was a kid, so having people ask about how he and our family are doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, but these comments have my sister and I extremely embarrassed. After the 4th of July, my little sister confided in me that some of the girls on her basketball team were calling her parents weird and "freaky". This absolutely broke my heart, my little sister is homeschooled and overall a very shy kid. She has always had a hard time making friends and engaging in conversation with kids her age, so hearing that my parents' sex life is potentially jeopardizing my little sister's social life at an already fragile age made me upset and humiliated.

Both my older sister and I have sat down and had conversations with our father about how we aren't comfortable being approached in public about their sex life. He brushed it off pretty casually saying something along the lines of "that's messed up, it's not anyone else's business" and while I agree, that sentiment does virtually nothing to help any of his daughters. I want to make clear, I am not saying my parents shouldn't have a healthy sex life, I do not care what they choose to do in their marriage. However, I am worried for my little sister who is still living with them and has nowhere else to go, and I am sick of having to advocate for them when they continuously make everyone else blatantly aware of their lifestyle. I am happy they have found a marriage dynamic that works so well for them, but I wish I knew WAY LESS about it. Reddit, how to I fix this??

P.S. for anyone who might be confused: I am 23, my older sister is 24, my little sister is 13 and does not share the same mom as me and my older sister. I would like to keep them as anonymous as possible.

UPDATe: Before I could message her she kicked me out of her bridal party.

Hello! I need outside perspectives please because I am obsessing and stressing over this and cannot tell whether I am being reasonable or a terrible friend.

One of my close friends is getting married next year. She is also supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding which is coming up in a few months so this feels especially emotionally tricky.

Months ago, she floated the general idea of doing a destination bachelorette trip. I was generally supportive. She had a pricey location in mind but other than that no complete schedule or actual cost given. Just vague figures. Thought when planning got more serious I would have time to speak up early. Nope.

The first proposed schedule I heard was basically Monday through Friday. I immediately said that taking an entire workweek off would be difficult for me and that I could probably only attend for part of it.

The schedule then shifted to Thursday through Monday. Once I learned that, I said I could not stay through Monday and would need to leave on Sunday. I thought that was a fairly normal compromise: attend Thursday through Sunday, participate in most of the trip, and avoid having to take yet another day off work.

At this point, I still had not been told what the trip would actually cost.

Then we received a message saying that she was essentially ready to book it and would proceed. Just like that. I had to ask cost; that was when we were finally told the lodging would be around $1100 per person.

The destination is also roughly an eight-hour drive from me each way. That means the $1100 would only cover lodging. It would not include gas, groceries, restaurant meals, drinks, activities, excursions, or anything else planned during the trip.

Once I saw the actual cost, I messaged her privately and told her that I could not afford it.

Her response was not openly cruel and I do believe she was trying to make it work, but the tone made me feel like the issue was that I had not planned or saved properly rather than that the trip itself was outside my budget.

She pointed out that the trip was still a long time away and suggested that I could start setting money aside for it now. She broke it down into a smaller monthly or weekly savings amount, basically saying that I had time to save for it.

I understand the logic but saving the money gradually does not change the fact that I would still be spending more than $1100 on lodging alone. I do not think it is financially responsible for me to allocate that much money to one bachelorette trip. I’m not in the best place financially, I have a lot of obligations and it sucks but that’s how it is right now.

She then offered another option where I could pay by the night rather than paying the entire chunk. I genuinely appreciate that she tried to offer an alternative but that is still around $250ish per night. Even if I only stayed one or two nights, I would still be paying around $250–$500 for lodging, plus gas, food, activities, and sixteen total hours of driving. Driving eight hours each way for one night also feels kind of insane. I would spend almost as much time traveling as I would actually spend at the destination.

I have been trying to convince myself that I should force one or two nights to work because I feel so guilty, but once I add everything together, even the shortened version is still outside what I can reasonably afford.

I’m gearing up for my own wedding and she is supposed to be standing beside me in it soon. I’m freaking terrified that declining her trip will create resentment or tension before my wedding or affect our friendship.

For comparison, I kept my own bachelorette relatively low-key (if you can call it that because it was still a trip, invited all our friends and significant others, combined Bachelor and Bachelorette). It was Thursday through Sunday, about two hours away, and the lodging was around $280 per person. Attendance was optional and I tried to keep the cost and travel manageable for everyone. We planned everything out together in a groupchat.

I know she is allowed to want a completely different bachelorette experience. I am not saying that because my trip cost $280, hers is required to cost the same. I mention it because I really tried to consider what the people attending could reasonably manage (including myself!) and I think that influenced what I assumed the planning process for her trip would look like.

I thought there would be a conversation about budgets, distance, and availability before someone announced that they were about to book a house costing each person more than $1,000. I did not realize that generally expressing interest months ago would be treated as agreeing to any eventual destination, schedule, and price.

I also think I could have brought up a specific budget sooner. That is the part I feel guilty about. I did raise concerns about the weekday schedule and the amount of time away as those details emerged, but I did not specifically say, “My maximum lodging budget is X,” because I thought the cost would be discussed before we locked everything in.

Now I feel like my choices are either to spend money I do not believe I can responsibly spend or disappoint a close friend who is about to be in my own wedding.
We left it last night where I tried to bow out and she said pay nightly instead. I have my message written in response that gives her love and apologies but holds firm that I cannot make this work. Ended it saying I’ll be there every step of the way for her wedding and I’m sorry and I love her.

Am I being unfair by backing out after initially saying I wanted to attend? Should I have been expected to start saving once the general trip was mentioned, even though I did not know the final cost? Does the offer to pay by the night make this reasonable enough that I should force myself to attend briefly? How would you handle this knowing the bride is supposed to be one of your bridesmaids very soon?

TL;DR: A close friend who is also supposed to be in my wedding soon planned a bachelorette trip hours away by car. Dates were discussed. The lodging cost was not revealed until she said she was basically about to book, at which point we learned it would be $1100 per person before gas, food, or activities. When I said I could not afford it, she suggested I had plenty of time to save and later offered to let me pay nightly after I tried to gracefully bow out. Even a shortened trip still feels financially irresponsible but I am terrified of damaging the friendship or creating tension before my wedding.

PLEASE share your stories and perspectives. I need advice please. I feel like such a shit friend, this is so hard. Thank you for reading. 🫶🏼

UPDATE- We had the sit-down talk; I included my brother, who was surprisingly pretty chill about it. We told him that it's completely normal to have those urges, and we both jacked off when we were his age, so he's not some freak. However, we had to lay down a hard boundary: his uncle works a hard warehouse job, and coming home to that on the shower floor for anyone to trip on in is just inconsiderate, accident or not. So now he is limited to all those activities in his bedroom. To help him out, I ordered some adult toy cleaner off Amazon for him, which I will leave on his bed when it comes in, and told him to make sure he cleans that stuff because an infection down there is gnarly. We also promised not to tell anyone around the house because no one wants to be unnecessarily embarrassed. But made it crystal clear that if this happens again and his brother or special needs sister finds it it's going to be a real problem. Lesson learned, and a boundary he hopefully only needs to be taught once

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
My son lives downstairs along with my older brother (55), and they share a communal bathroom. My brother works the night shift. Last night at around 3:00 AM, my brother went to use the bathroom, and he found my son's pocket pussy sitting right out in the open.
My brother didn't want to touch it, so he used a paper towel, moved it slightly, and left it there for him to find in the morning.
Here is my dilemma: I'm not really mad that he has it. He's 14, but he's already 6'2, built like a brick wall, super strong, and genuinely looks like he's 19. Because of how he looks and the physical presence he has, people sometimes forget how young he actually is. He recently moved into my house instead of his mom's because he was running into some issues at school with the wrong crowd, and honestly, I just don't want him to grow up too fast. I want him to actually be a kid.
In fact, I know my 16-year-old daughter has her own stuff, but she keeps it locked away in her room where the younger kids can't stumble on it.
My real issue and what's making me angry is that he left it sitting out in a communal area where anyone could see it. My other son is 7. If my brother hadn't walked in there at 3 AM, what if the little kids walked in and found that? You just cannot leave stuff like that in shared spaces.
When I talked to him about it, he admitted he bought it off Amazon with his own money, so at least it wasn't stolen or anything. But right now, he has chores to do, and he hasn't come upstairs all morning. I think he's hiding out in the basement because he's completely mortified and embarrassed.
I haven't had a real sit-down talk with him about this yet. I don't want to make him feel like a freak for normal teenage biology, but I do need to make it crystal clear that leaving his gear out in the open where the whole family can find it is unacceptable.
What should I say to him when I finally talk to him, and how do I break the ice without completely destroying his ego?

​

Hey guys, I’m at my absolute wit’s end here and really need some perspective on how to deal with this before it ruins my relationship.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. She is genuinely one of the sweetest, most polite, and considerate people I’ve ever met. She works hard in school, has a great head on her shoulders, and goes out of her way to be kind to everyone—including my family.

The problem is my mom. From day one, my mom has treated her with complete coldness and hostility, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why.

Whenever my girlfriend comes over, she brings flowers, offers to help with dinner, cleans up after herself, and tries to start friendly conversations. My mom will literally ignore her, give one-word answers, or leave the room after a few minutes. It’s not subtle at all—everyone in the house notices it.

I’ve pulled my mom aside multiple times to ask what the issue is. I’ve asked, "Did she say something that offended you? Did she cross a boundary? Is there a specific behavior you don’t like?"

My mom’s answer every single time? "No, I just don't like her." When I push for literally any detail or reason, she just shrugs and says things like, "I don't need a reason, I just don't like her vibe" or "She's just not right for you, trust me." There is no past drama, no bad history, no cultural conflict—absolutely nothing. It is pure, baseless dislike.

My girlfriend has been incredibly patient, but last night she finally broke down in tears after we left my parents' house. She asked me what she was doing wrong and why my mom hates her so much. It broke my heart because she hasn't done a single thing to deserve this treatment, and she's starting to feel like she's the problem.

I love my mom, but I refuse to let her treat my girlfriend like garbage for no reason. I don't want to go low-contact with my family, but I also can't keep subjecting my girlfriend to this hostile environment.

How do I put my foot down with my mom when she won't even give me a rational reason to work with? Has anyone dealt with a parent who just dislikes a partner for no actual reason? And what do I do now how do i deal with this?

don’t even know where to start. My heart and my life feel like they’ve shattered into a million pieces.

​Up until a week ago, my boyfriend (1.5 years together) was the most loving, caring, and wonderful partner I could have ever asked for. Just the day before he left, he surprised me at work out of nowhere just to see me. I felt so loved and secure.

​Then he left for a trip to the mountains with his friends, staying at a buddy’s apartment. Almost immediately, everything flipped 180 degrees. He completely started ignoring me. He pulled away, barely replied to my messages, and left me feeling like I was losing my mind. I knew in my gut that something was horribly wrong.

​When he finally came back, he acted distant and cold, as if he was waiting for me to break up with him. He had two full days to come clean or talk to me, but he stayed silent. Finally, I pressed him, and the truth came out.

​He admitted that while on the trip, he stayed close to a girl he literally met a week ago (who is visiting from abroad and leaves in a week). He confessed to:

​Sleeping right next to her while holding her hand.

​Going on evening walks with her, holding hands.

​Cuddling with her and having her sit on his lap.

​Emotional intimacy that went far beyond "friendship."

​He looked me in the eye and told me he thinks he "likes her" and felt a "spark" with her - a spark he claims had faded between us.

​At first, he acted cold. He said he wanted to break up, that he didn't deserve a second chance, and that he didn't even want one. Then, his story shifted, and he started claiming that "it wasn't actually cheating."

​Now, he’s spiraling and spamming me with horribly long messages begging for forgiveness. He says he suddenly realized what he lost, apologizing profusely, and literally told me he "destroyed his house for a night in a hotel." He is begging for another chance and claims that while it was happening, he didn't realize what he was doing or view it as cheating.

​To me, this is both physical and emotional cheatin, and the emotional betrayal hurts ten times worse. I feel so much disgust thinking about how he could do this after everything we built. That he could bond like that with some other girl that he wont see ever again.

​I’m completely lost. Cheating has always been an absolute dealbreaker for me, but I’m struggling to process this:

​Is it even possible for someone to "not realize" this was cheating, or is that just a pathetic excuse to shift guilt?

​How do I actually leave when I know in my head I have to, but my heart physically can't bring itself to let go?

​Is giving a second chance in a situation like this ever realistic, or am I just holding onto the ghost of who he used to be?

​I feel sick to my stomach and just need some honest advice or perspective from people who have been through this.

​TL;DR: My loving boyfriend of 1.5 years went on a trip, held hands, slept next to, and cuddled another girl he met a week ago. He claimed he felt a "spark," initially wanted to break up, then denied it was cheating, and is now begging for forgiveness saying he regrets "destroying his house for a night in a hotel." I feel broken and don't know how to walk away.

I‘m 44 (w) and 6 weeks pregnant. For many years i tried to get pregnant with IVF but all pregnancies ended in a miscarriage. That‘s why I told my new partner (44) that probably there is no need for us to use birth control but I offered that we could if he wanted to. He has three kids already and doesnt want any more.
The impossible thing happened and I got pregnant, despite perimenopause and all doctors telling me it is too late for me.
Now my partner told me I have to decide between him and the baby but how can I make a decision between the two most important parts of my life??😭

I do feel too old and very tired to do this all by myself😢

My 22f went through my 25m phone. We have been together for 3 years. For context I have just gotten a new phone recently about 2 weeks ago and with that I have left my old one at her place but it still has all the data on it. She had a bad dream the other night that I cheated on her and I assured her i loved her and that’s not me ofc.

She then asks me about this girl saying she saw her on Facebook and I had mutuals. I say yep she was one of my friends best mates from way back and dated another one of my mates, she says oh just did stuff with him I say yep and move on, haven’t talked to that person for 5+ years for context.

My girlfriend starts to act weird just the past couple days acting all upset and drained and I kept asking her what’s up and she tells me nothing not unless there’s something I should be upset about, obviously I say no why would there be a we just keep moving on.

She tells me this story about how her friend found nudes on her bfs phone from a girl before they even started dating and says she thinks it’s cheating. I ask why she’s going through her phone and she says oh she does all the time. (This story is later to be revealed completely fake)

Through all this I’m messaging my mate asking idk why she’s like this and the fact she brought up that girl and if she wants to see stuff from 6 years ago then that’s her fault atp. My mate says idk looks like she’s looking for a problem maybe she’s gone through ur phone and I said yeah idk maybe

Then a day later she tells me we need to call and have a talk tonight something she never phrases like that.

We get on call and her mood is instantly different from what it has been trying to “arc up” at me and I said wtf is going on answer me now blah blah.

She admits she went through my old phone as it was at her house and saw nudes from the previously mentioned girl that were just sitting in the chat I had with this person from 6 YEARS AGO. Keep in mind we’ve only been together for 3 and I have not talked to this person in at least 5+ years. She says she also looked through the messages of me and my mate and saw how my mate says she was starting to “look for a problem” and was upset at that. Now I genuinely I have no idea what to believe I asked when she went through it and why and she said bc I had a bad dream and just 2 days ago which is when she was acting weirder tbf.

No idea what to do she says they shouldn’t have been there I’m telling her I wasn’t even aware of them until she brought her up and then also made up that fake story. I feel I can’t trust her with anything going forward and she keeps turning it on me saying she can’t trust me bc I had nudes of a girls from 3 years before our relationship, in a chat bear in mind not even actually saved on the phone in a hidden folder or anything

TL:DR Gf of 3 years went through my phone and saw nudes of a girl from 6 years ago in a chat not saved to the phone and now we’re both not trusting each other and I have no idea what to do

I’m happy to answer any questions for context

I never wear makeup aside from mascara to make my eyes pop lol.

And lately I've been feeling a bit insecure about it since I'll be a guest at a wedding soon and all I've ever seen at wedding were woman wearing a full face of makeup and I unfortunately dont have any talent with makeup. Tried many times and boy is it ever so bad 🤣

I know I'm just a guest so eyes will not be on me but I'm starting to feel a bit insecure about it..

(Not trying to sound like a pick-me, I promise)

My boyfriend (42 M) and I (37 F) have been together for 10 years. For the vast majority of our relationship, we lived a very lean, hard life. We lived in trailers, buses, and parked our trailers on other people’s properties. Through all of those tough years, I always worked, pulled my weight, and paid my way. I invested my own hard-earned money and endless physical labor into building a future with him because I knew we would eventually get to a comfortable place.
Recently, he inherited a nice house. I was so relieved because we finally made it to the destination we spent a decade driving toward. I have poured myself into this house, contributing both financially and physically to improve it.
The problem is that he refuses to give me any credit for my contributions. He rigidly views the house as entirely "his" by bloodright. The other day, after I had just finished doing 4 hours of my remote job, he woke up from a nap, mentioned the nice portable AC (which I financially and physically helped get), and literally high-fived himself, saying "nice work daddy." When I calmly asked, "Hey, what about me?" he snapped. He told me "take it out of the rent. You're not daddy. This isn't your house. You don't run the show."
When I got upset that he was erasing my hard work right to my face, it turned into a massive blowup. He started spamming my phone with texts telling me to "get the fuck out of my house" and "it's not yours, leave." When I threw his logic back at him and brought up an unmarried friend couple we know where the partner freely says "it's our house," he went completely nuclear. He called me a "piece of shit mess for the 10 years" and weaponized the recent death of my father against me, using my grief and hardest moments as a scorecard to prove I don't deserve a home.
He acts like this periodically. He will give me credit sometimes when things are easy, but the second his ego is challenged, he pulls the "my house, get out" trigger to force me into a submissive position. He financial gaslights me, saying "things cost money, you have to pay for things" to act like my investments were just basic rent, completely ignoring that I could have put my money into an asset in my own name.
To make the double standard even weirder: I recently bought a car with my own money from my own separate account. He found the listing on Marketplace and does routine maintenance on it. He has literally asked me, "What percentage of this car is mine since I work on it?" He believes his labor on my car buys him literal equity in my property, but my ten years of labor and money on his house mean absolutely nothing because his name is on the deed.
I didn't deal with all those hard years in trailers just to be used as a stepping stone and discarded or threatened with homelessness the moment things got nice and easy. I don't want a courtroom or a legal battle. I want the home and the good vibes I labored towards, but I am exhausted from begging for basic human credit and respect from the person who was supposed to be my teammate.
Am I crazy for being furious about this double standard? How do I navigate a partner who uses his inheritance as a weapon the second he gets angry?

I honestly don't even know where to start.

I turned 16 and got my first job at McDonald's. Ever since then I've had 8+ jobs, and I blew every paycheck I made. Nobody ever taught me how to save money or manage it. Since I had no bills at the time, I always thought, "What am I even saving for?"

Fast forward to turning 18. The night of my birthday, I got approved for a credit card with a $1,500 limit. A month later, I went by myself and financed a car because I needed transportation for work and I wanted to get out of my toxic mom's house.

Worst financial decision of my life.

It's a 2020 Mitsubishi Eclipse Cross with almost 97,000 miles now. My payment is $486/month for 72 months at 24% interest. The payoff is around $18k, but with interest I'll end up paying around $33k.

I had insurance for the first three months, but because of a misunderstanding, I thought I was still insured. Turns out there was a $200 fee I didn't know I had to pay, so my policy got canceled without me realizing it.

Then in December I got into a car accident while uninsured.

Someone helped tape my car together for $190 just so it was drivable, but it still has cosmetic damage, wheel issues, and tire issues. I've gotten repair estimates anywhere from $8k-$16k.

Now I also have to pay the National Service Bureau $417/month for the other driver's damages (about $11k total).

On top of that:

• About $1,500 in credit card debt.
• A cash loan with about $650 left ($133/month).
• My RBFCU account is overdrawn by around $400 and just got charged off.
• I'm behind one month on my car payment.
• I can't even afford car insurance anymore.
• I've been to the ER twice in the last month plus the mental hospital, so now I'm expecting medical bills too.
• We barely have groceries.
• I barely have gas in my car.
• My job keeps cutting my hours no matter how many times I ask for more. I only make around $700-$800 every two weeks.

The only positive thing that's happened recently is that I finally finished my dental assisting course, which I thought would open up better job opportunities.

Except... now my licensing application is delayed because my NPDB self-query somehow got mailed back to me instead of going to the Texas State Board of Dental Examiners. I've been trying to call the post office and nobody answers. It's been over a month and I feel completely stuck.

I also want to start doing nails and eventually work for myself because I actually enjoy it, but it feels impossible when I'm drowning in debt.

To make everything worse, I've been off my mental health medication for over a week because my doctor never sent in my refills and nobody at the office answers the phone.

I've spent hours making budgets, debt payoff plans, and trying to figure everything out, but nothing seems to stick. Every time I think I'm making progress, something else happens.

I'm only 18 years old and I genuinely feel like I've hit rock bottom. I know a lot of this is my own fault and I'm trying to take responsibility for it, but I don't know where to go from here.

Has anyone ever been this deep financially at my age and actually gotten out? I don't need people to sugarcoat it. I just want to know where to even start because I feel like I'm drowning.

I'm only 17 years old, and I've always struggled with organising my thought or perhaps more accurately, making decision but when chatGPT was first introduced, I used it to see what it was about. surprisingly it helped me a lot with organising my thoughts and stuff. however, after learning about the negative effects of AI I stopped using it completely, and I haven't been able to find an alternative for almost a year. I don't have many people nearby with whom I could talk about anything, and journaling doesn't work for me either.

Are there any solution you guys have?

I am f23 and have always been very shy. I never really had a boyfriend and honestly only been on a couple dates my whole life. I joined a church group and met this guy who has been a blessing. He is so sweet, caring, and funny. He is literally everything I ever want in a guys we have went to the movies and got dinner a couple times as friends outside of our church group. The issue is he is 36 and divorced. I’m embarrassed to even say I have feelings for him. I’m unsure if my feelings are real or not. Maybe he is just the first guy to give me attention and the feelings are just because of that. I’m an unsure if I should tell him how I feel or just leave everything as is.

Looking for advice on this situation.

My husband and I have a “friend”. She is a coworker of his. There’s a very long backstory to this friendship and how it came about- she clinged onto us very hard and very quickly when we first met.

It was obvious she had a crush on my husband and she has told me before that she has a crush on me. She has a ton of boyfriends on and off though, so I thought maybe she got over it.

For context, she has weaseled her way into a throuple in the past with a married couple and broken up their marriage. (She started talking to the guy first and then he convinced his wife to open the marriage to her, and then it went downhill from there).

Of course this all sounds insane and very shady. I hate to believe the worst in people and their intentions, but obviously she’s got issues. I give the benefit of the doubt a lot. I cannot tell if she is completely oblivious to some of the things she says and does, or if she’s insidious. Yes I have been to therapy over this and my therapist helped me to try and distance myself from her. She considers herself the aunt to my baby. She comes over unannounced. I have problems setting boundaries. So does my husband. Obviously.

To the reason for this post. I told my husband tonight that her behavior has been bothering me a bit again. I worry sometimes that she’s trying to make moves on my husband when I’m not around. She just told me about the birthday present she got for him (a special limited edition version of his favorite book signed by the author), and it was making me feel a type of way due to the thoughtfulness and intimacy of the gift. So I sat him down and I told him that it’s getting to me a bit again. It’s a bunch of little things that keep chipping away at the ice block.

We were having a good discussion where he was saying he’d cut her off and set better boundaries. I told him that I would like to see their thread of text messages because even though I trust him, I don’t trust her and I wanted to see if she was trying to push the boundaries. If I am to continue being friends with this person and let them be a part of our lives, I’d like to feel secure that she’s not always playing at something behind my back.

He refused and said it was a violation of his privacy and that it was his boundary. This made me really upset because if the roles were reversed, I would have let him see my phone for peace of mind. I felt worse leaving the conversation than I did going into it, because now I feel like he’s broken the trust between us by not letting me see it. The thought process of- if there’s nothing to hide, then why can’t I see it? He’s of the opinion that he’s been completely trustworthy and that he would never cross that boundary because he loves me and our baby, and he feels like I’m accusing him of something.

So now we’re at an impasse. I feel horrible, and now it doesn’t even matter because he’s taken his phone and if there really was anything on it then it could have been deleted by now.

I already know the general consensus will be that we should cut her off, and I do know that. It’s just really hard because of the circumstances of them working together and her claiming us as family, etc. It would make things incredibly awkward. We live in a very small and tight knit community and it would be everyone’s business.

So please tell me what I should do next. I feel lost right now. Probably going to schedule a couple’s therapy session at the very least.

for context I was sitting in a chair close to the door i had my other chair healing on the door to keep it locked I didint think much of the char at the time but now k realise I should have locked it better back to it I was sitting down on the chair fully nude and my dad barged in I know I had time to stop it but I didn’t I’m so scarified and shocked right now please help what do I do :/

I'm 20, l live alone, especially now, and my best friend, my cat Malakai, has been in the ICU for over a week now. He swallowed dental floss. It sawed through his intestines. He's been in the ICU for over a week. He made the first surgery, but now the vets say he needs a second procedure. His intestines aren't healing normally. He's almost stable, but there's a barrier to his treatment l can't get past. l've sold everything l can. Anyway

When l first talked about this online, l saw the absolute worst in people. Strangers called me neglignt, said he was "just a cat." One person took a photo of him from my profile and used AI to make an image of him eating dental floss out of a bowl, the very thing that put him in the hospital, and sent it to me. l felt completely off after that.

But l don't care about any of that. l just want him to make it. l don't know what else to do. l'm sitting here with nothing left to think of.

I keep coming home to an empty apartment. He's the only thing l came home to and l can't even think of anything else but this.

How do you keep going? How do l go with this on my mind.

I started working with this guy about 6 months ago and at first I thought we just had similar taste. I bought a specific green phone case, he got the same one a week later. I mentioned the coffee place I go to before work, he started showing up there. Then he got almost the exact same haircut as me after asking where I go.

The weirdest one happened recently. I told him I had been saving money to buy a used record player and showed him the exact model I was looking at. Week later he came into work saying he had just bought that same one, even though he had never mentioned being into records before.

None of these things are serious on their own and hes never been rude to me, so I feel ridiculous even being bothered. But its happening often enough that I’ve stopped mentioning things around him. Do I say something or just accept that he copies people he likes?

I need outside opinions because I’m conflicted.

A guy asked me on a second date for tomorrow. I said yes. After I agreed, he told me tomorrow is actually his birthday.

What confuses me is… why invite someone you’ve only been on one date with on your birthday?

I would’ve thought most people would spend that day with family or close friends. Is there a reason someone would choose to spend it with a person they barely know?

Also, he still hasn’t told me what we’re doing. I don’t want to be in my masculine energy by having to lead or ask for the plan—I prefer the person who invites me to take the lead. At the same time, I’d like to know what to wear and what to expect.

What would you make of this situation? Why do you think he’d choose a second date on his birthday? And what do you think I should do? 😞