My best friend’s infant died 3 weeks after birth. She was understandably devastated and I have always been supportive in her journey to recover. It’s been 2 years but she has never gotten over it. There are days when she would text me blocks and blocks of her thoughts about her loss and her grief. My heart breaks for her but as the months went on, I started dreading getting her texts and while I didn’t tell her to stop talking to me nonstop about her loss, I did start to gently redirect her to talk more with her husband and her therapist because I started to feel exhausted and a level of empathy deficient. I know I sound like an unsupportive asshole of a friend, but at some point it’s like I have nothing more to give.

She never really stopped tho and recently I found out I’m pregnant. I haven’t had the heart to tell her yet because I’m so worried about triggering her, to the extent that I feel like I’m tailoring my entire approach to sharing this news with our friends to how she might receive this. What’s worse is that her baby’s anniversary just came up and she poured her heart out to me about how much she missed him and I felt SO bad when I felt like she could tell I didn’t really want to hear about it. I’m already feeling vulnerable and anxious about my own pregnancy, and honestly the last thing I want is to hear her talk about her loss and what happened and how she didn’t expect it.

Yes this is a confession that I’m a terrible friend and I kinda wish she would just back off and leave me alone for the duration of my pregnancy, and I resent her for adding to the level of anxiety I already feel and for worrying about how to share this supposedly joyous news with our friends. I know she lost her baby and it’s a loss you carry forever and I shouldn’t make her trauma about me and it makes me a giant asshole for feeling this way… what should I do?

————-

Edit / update
- I do have a therapist! She’s great help and has advised me to step back from the friendship if I feel overwhelmed, but obviously I still feel so so so guilty when she thinks of me as one of the only safe spaces
- she has a therapist as well. Over time I have gently suggested leaning more on her therapist (like “what does your therapist say about this?” Or “do you think your therapist is sufficiently supporting you?”) but I’m not sure if she got my message
- I fully and wholeheartedly know I cannot grasp the depth of her grief of losing a child, and I do not expect that she has a timeline of “getting over it”. That also contributes to my guilty feeling of having a sense of compassion fatigue because trust me, if I could I would love to be there for her completely all day long. My body is showing the score because I could feel my heart rate picking up sometimes when her texts pop up on my phone because 50% of the time it was something about her spiraling. She also thanks me all the time for being there for her, which makes me feel extra guilty / trapped / conflicted.

A close family member recently inherited a little over $900,000. They and their spouse are buying a house for about $1.19 million. One spouse works full-time in a modest-paying job, while the other hasn't had employment in years, they’re both in their peak working years. To qualify for the mortgage, the lender is using the inheritance as asset-based income, and they're also borrowing around $230,000 from another family member for part of the down payment, with plans to repay the loan after selling their current home. After that, they're planning to make a large payment toward the mortgage and recast it so the monthly payment is more manageable. The lender has approved everything, so I know it's a legitimate way to structure the loan. I just can't shake the feeling that the plan depends on everything going exactly right.

Part of why this weighs on me is that I've been asked to help coordinate the family loan because the relative providing the money isn't in a position to manage the process themselves. I'm not a co-signer and I'm not financially responsible for the mortgage, but I do feel some responsibility because I'm helping facilitate the transaction. On top of that, history has shown that when this couple gets into financial trouble, the extended family often ends up becoming the safety net in one way or another. That's probably the biggest reason I can't seem to emotionally detach from this.

I’m concerned about the pattern. For as long as I've known them, money has always been tight. One spouse has consistently been the primary breadwinner, while the other has spent years waiting for the "right opportunity" instead of taking stable work that was available. There always seems to be a reason why the next job will be different, but somehow they're still in the same position years later. I genuinely love this family member and don't want to damage our relationship. If I say anything, I know it will certainly be taken as criticism and I worry it would create distance between us. So I'm asking strangers because maybe I'm too emotionally invested to think clearly. If this were someone you loved, would you say something or accept that they're adults, let them make their own decisions and hope for the best?

TL;DR: A close family member is using a large inheritance to qualify for an expensive house despite a long history of financial struggles. I'm involved because I'm helping coordinate family loans and I'm torn between speaking up or staying out of it.

I’m getting married in like 4 months and I honestly feel sick to my stomach even typing this out.

My dad sat me down yesterday and basically dropped a bomb on my life. Turns out 19 years ago he had an affair and had a kid. My mom has zero idea about any of this. He’s been paying child support on the low this whole time.

Now, the half-sister reached out to him because she wants to meet the family, and my dad thinks my wedding is somehow the "perfect place" for her to come and meet everyone. He literally offered to cover the rest of our catering bill if I just give her an invite.

I feel completely trapped:

If I invite her, my mom is gonna find out AT my wedding. It will completely ruin the day and blow up my parents' marriage right in front of 150 people.

If I say no, my dad might pull his financial help, and I also feel kind of like a jerk for excluding a sister who didn't ask to be born into this mess.

If I force my dad to confess to my mom right now, my whole family will blow up right before the wedding.

I haven't slept at all. Do I tell my mom myself? Do I tell my dad he's out of his mind? How do I even handle this without everything falling apart? Any advice is appreciated.

I just need some opinions and support. I don’t have any friends and have no one to talk to about this.

I absolutely love my husband and I have done everything I can for him and us to be happy. He has been such a good step-father to my two sons and he has been good to me.

But, since the beginning he has had episodes of being violent towards me (never against my kids). I know that I should have left him when the first incident happened but I didn’t. Everything else was wonderful.

He’s been sick because of his diabetes and been through a few jobs. I’m the one that holds everything down with my career. I never once held that in his face, I just supported him through everything.

He recently got laid off again and he was in the hospital recently because of his diabetes and everything has becoming too much. I pay all the bills, I take care of him, I clean up after him, everything. He gives me some money from his unemployment but then will turn around and ask me to get this and that from the store for him and his chewing tobacco, etc. He is only responsible for his cell phone payment and his very expensive truck payment ($1,200) that he recently purchased. I begged him to get just a normal truck but he insisted that he deserved this dream truck so now his unemployment mostly goes to that.

My house is constantly a mess from all his shit everywhere. I clean and clean and then it’s trashed within a few days. He doesn’t help with the dogs that he wanted. And he’s extremely moody and I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him. But he’s been so good to my sons but recently even that has been changing because he claims he’s sick and just lays around my house all day.

A few days ago, we were arguing and out of nowhere he hit the shit out of me. I saw stars and lost my balance (he burst a blood vessel). Well for the first time ever I called the police. While I was on the phone with the 911 operator, he got his heavy-duty flashlight, smirked at me, and started gently tapping my hands and my throat. Because of all the commotion my sons came out of their bedrooms and he like hugged them goodbye and said he didn’t hit me and then he ran out the backyard and I locked the door. He then went to the front porch and waited for the police to get there. My sons were so upset and crying and begging me to hang up with the police.

Long story short, he was arrested. He’s been in jail for the last 5 days but his dad is going to bail him out today or tomorrow. I was granted a 90 day protection order for me and the boys.

My sons’ father is shitty and they love this man so much. They are just so upset and are begging me to work it out with him.

The thing is, I have hidden all of his negatives from my sons and my family. They all think he is a great guy and have no idea he has a history of putting his hands on me (he even choked me once).

His father called me yesterday and asked me if he got help would I take him back and I said no. He said I should have told him it was happening then he could have helped him. He also basically asked me what I did to cause him to hit me (not in those words but it made me feel like it was my fault). He then said that he can’t live with him and I just said well he’s going to have to live with a friend, I don’t know. I’m probably not going to take any more of his father’s calls.

Guys, I just can’t believe this is happening. This sounds so cliche but I am/was so in love with this man. But I know I can’t risk him getting any more violent with me or my kids. I know I need to get away from him and I am. But he was my best friend. I could talk to him about anything. He understood me so well. I feel so lost without him.

I will start the divorce proceedings soon. I know I can’t let him back in. I’m also on pins and needles waiting for him to get bailed out. I feel like I can’t leave my house or go outside because he might be there and I’m scared. He must hate me so much (I know this is screwed up thinking on my part).

I will get my sons into much needed counseling but what else can I do for them? How can I help them understand that he can’t come back?

How do I get my own life back on track without him?

I kinda do my thing, I dont drink or smoke so I dont really go clubbing and I missed my opportunity to meet people in college because I didnt go, instead I went to fashion school where everyone was a girl or a gay guy.

I live in Peru so the dating scene is completely different but equally as bad. not only that but it can be dangerous to date here because men are coddled and very sexist.

I waited this long,Im attractive but never ever put myself out there. But I do find the idea of having xes kinda cool even though it might be more my fantasy.

I dont know what to do, I mean a random hook up could be equally as disappointment as a long relationship, should I even try when I dont find these men attractive on the outside or the inside ?

​

Hey guys, I’m at my absolute wit’s end here and really need some perspective on how to deal with this before it ruins my relationship.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. She is genuinely one of the sweetest, most polite, and considerate people I’ve ever met. She works hard in school, has a great head on her shoulders, and goes out of her way to be kind to everyone—including my family.

The problem is my mom. From day one, my mom has treated her with complete coldness and hostility, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why.

Whenever my girlfriend comes over, she brings flowers, offers to help with dinner, cleans up after herself, and tries to start friendly conversations. My mom will literally ignore her, give one-word answers, or leave the room after a few minutes. It’s not subtle at all—everyone in the house notices it.

I’ve pulled my mom aside multiple times to ask what the issue is. I’ve asked, "Did she say something that offended you? Did she cross a boundary? Is there a specific behavior you don’t like?"

My mom’s answer every single time? "No, I just don't like her." When I push for literally any detail or reason, she just shrugs and says things like, "I don't need a reason, I just don't like her vibe" or "She's just not right for you, trust me." There is no past drama, no bad history, no cultural conflict—absolutely nothing. It is pure, baseless dislike.

My girlfriend has been incredibly patient, but last night she finally broke down in tears after we left my parents' house. She asked me what she was doing wrong and why my mom hates her so much. It broke my heart because she hasn't done a single thing to deserve this treatment, and she's starting to feel like she's the problem.

I love my mom, but I refuse to let her treat my girlfriend like garbage for no reason. I don't want to go low-contact with my family, but I also can't keep subjecting my girlfriend to this hostile environment.

How do I put my foot down with my mom when she won't even give me a rational reason to work with? Has anyone dealt with a parent who just dislikes a partner for no actual reason? And what do I do now how do i deal with this?

My mom and dad split up about twenty years ago, he remarried about 3 years after the divorce. Growing up both my sister and I got along with our new stepmother, but their marriage wasn't without it's faults. Now, me (23F) and my sister (24F) are living in the same town and working similar jobs. My dad and stepmother had another daughter who is now 13 and still living with them. Around the beginning of this year my stepmother started posting podcast clips from marriage counselers on facebook, at first it wasn't anything too extreme, typical "healthy marriage dynamics stuff" also around this time my sister and I began noticing some behavior changes in both my dad and my stepmom, the house seemed more calm, they seemed to be on the same page more often, we were extremely proud of them for rebuilding what hadn't been working in the past years. Since then, things have gotten out of hand. The podcast clips being posted on my stepmom's facebook started becoming less about marriage and more about the "woman's role" in a marriage. She began adding captions that explicitly described how my dad was treating her into "submission" and how she "couldn't be happier." My dad has began giving ME (a single gay woman) advice on how I need to submit to a man and let him take care of me as his "biological duty" whatever the fuck that means. In the past 6 months the following incidents have taken place:

1. My sister, brother in law and I popped in for a surprise visit to my dad's house, we were greeted at the door by my 13 year old sister. We asked where my dad and stepmom are at and she responded simply with "they've been in their room since this afternoon, they told me not to knock" we ended up taking her out of the house and out to dinner, they did not call to ask about her until later that night.

2. My stepmother has posted multiple facebook photos wearing a neck shackle, padlock necklaces and/or DOG COLLARS around her neck, taking the photos at angles that are clearly making the necklaces a focal point

3. At a 4th of July barbecue, my stepmom repeatedly referred to my father as "daddy" not only to me and my siblings, but to people who have no relation to my father at all, family friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances.

About a month ago, my sisters boss approached her and asked quite bluntly "what's going on with your parents?" my sister said she simply didn't have an answer. All she could muster up was "I have no idea." Around the same time, my boss and coworkers asked me a similar question and admitted that the pictures they were seeing on facebook of my stepmother made them a little uncomfortable. We live in an extremely small town, almost every resident has known my dad since he was a kid, so having people ask about how he and our family are doing isn't completely out of the ordinary, but these comments have my sister and I extremely embarrassed. After the 4th of July, my little sister confided in me that some of the girls on her basketball team were calling her parents weird and "freaky". This absolutely broke my heart, my little sister is homeschooled and overall a very shy kid. She has always had a hard time making friends and engaging in conversation with kids her age, so hearing that my parents' sex life is potentially jeopardizing my little sister's social life at an already fragile age made me upset and humiliated.

Both my older sister and I have sat down and had conversations with our father about how we aren't comfortable being approached in public about their sex life. He brushed it off pretty casually saying something along the lines of "that's messed up, it's not anyone else's business" and while I agree, that sentiment does virtually nothing to help any of his daughters. I want to make clear, I am not saying my parents shouldn't have a healthy sex life, I do not care what they choose to do in their marriage. However, I am worried for my little sister who is still living with them and has nowhere else to go, and I am sick of having to advocate for them when they continuously make everyone else blatantly aware of their lifestyle. I am happy they have found a marriage dynamic that works so well for them, but I wish I knew WAY LESS about it. Reddit, how to I fix this??

P.S. for anyone who might be confused: I am 23, my older sister is 24, my little sister is 13 and does not share the same mom as me and my older sister. I would like to keep them as anonymous as possible.

It came late last night, in my email. I had just finally sat down after a long, hard day. I hadn't had a chance to check emails since my lunch hour. Sitting in my inbox were the results of a DNA test. I didn't know it was coming. I had just gotten the approval letter for the test from my insurance company last week. I expected to get a collection kit in the mail any day.

I knew I would eventually probably get some big answers from this test. The company went above my head and actually collected my DNA from another recent test I had done for something else. They sent a digital copy of the analyzed results with a request that I set up an appointment with a geneticist. The results were big. This was kind of what I expected. An answer to many questions.

Here's what I didn't expect...

A condition with no cure. A condition that gets progressively worse. A condition that with a terrible prognosis. Kids with a mom a they may be taking care of?

Wtf do I do now. My brain can't even begin to process this. This is awful.

I had plans. I had a future. I don't know what to do. This doesn't feel real but it is. And it makes so much sense. It explains years of my health history. It all makes sense. I wish it didn't.

Can someone just like make me a list. Where do I go from here? I'm making the right doctor's appointments. I have appointments with TWO mental health providers tomorrow. I'm more than covered on those fronts. But how do I protect my kids? How do I not become their burden? When and how do I tell them?

My sister (23) decided not to vaccinate my nephew (13 months) specifically they’re against the measles vaccine. I genuinely don’t understand this at all I know people are entitled to their opinions but this is about the health and wellbeing of their child. I know it’s not my place to judge them or force decisions from them but how do I talk to them in a way that isn’t confrontational. I truly believe that anti vaxers come from a place of privilege they have not seen the terrible effects that measles and polio and other diseases can have on children. I talked to my grandma already and she talked about losing friends from school to these diseases because the vaccine wasn’t wide spread yet. Anyway just some general advice about how to talk to my sister would be nice.

UPDATe: Before I could message her she kicked me out of her bridal party.

Hello! I need outside perspectives please because I am obsessing and stressing over this and cannot tell whether I am being reasonable or a terrible friend.

One of my close friends is getting married next year. She is also supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding which is coming up in a few months so this feels especially emotionally tricky.

Months ago, she floated the general idea of doing a destination bachelorette trip. I was generally supportive. She had a pricey location in mind but other than that no complete schedule or actual cost given. Just vague figures. Thought when planning got more serious I would have time to speak up early. Nope.

The first proposed schedule I heard was basically Monday through Friday. I immediately said that taking an entire workweek off would be difficult for me and that I could probably only attend for part of it.

The schedule then shifted to Thursday through Monday. Once I learned that, I said I could not stay through Monday and would need to leave on Sunday. I thought that was a fairly normal compromise: attend Thursday through Sunday, participate in most of the trip, and avoid having to take yet another day off work.

At this point, I still had not been told what the trip would actually cost.

Then we received a message saying that she was essentially ready to book it and would proceed. Just like that. I had to ask cost; that was when we were finally told the lodging would be around $1100 per person.

The destination is also roughly an eight-hour drive from me each way. That means the $1100 would only cover lodging. It would not include gas, groceries, restaurant meals, drinks, activities, excursions, or anything else planned during the trip.

Once I saw the actual cost, I messaged her privately and told her that I could not afford it.

Her response was not openly cruel and I do believe she was trying to make it work, but the tone made me feel like the issue was that I had not planned or saved properly rather than that the trip itself was outside my budget.

She pointed out that the trip was still a long time away and suggested that I could start setting money aside for it now. She broke it down into a smaller monthly or weekly savings amount, basically saying that I had time to save for it.

I understand the logic but saving the money gradually does not change the fact that I would still be spending more than $1100 on lodging alone. I do not think it is financially responsible for me to allocate that much money to one bachelorette trip. I’m not in the best place financially, I have a lot of obligations and it sucks but that’s how it is right now.

She then offered another option where I could pay by the night rather than paying the entire chunk. I genuinely appreciate that she tried to offer an alternative but that is still around $250ish per night. Even if I only stayed one or two nights, I would still be paying around $250–$500 for lodging, plus gas, food, activities, and sixteen total hours of driving. Driving eight hours each way for one night also feels kind of insane. I would spend almost as much time traveling as I would actually spend at the destination.

I have been trying to convince myself that I should force one or two nights to work because I feel so guilty, but once I add everything together, even the shortened version is still outside what I can reasonably afford.

I’m gearing up for my own wedding and she is supposed to be standing beside me in it soon. I’m freaking terrified that declining her trip will create resentment or tension before my wedding or affect our friendship.

For comparison, I kept my own bachelorette relatively low-key (if you can call it that because it was still a trip, invited all our friends and significant others, combined Bachelor and Bachelorette). It was Thursday through Sunday, about two hours away, and the lodging was around $280 per person. Attendance was optional and I tried to keep the cost and travel manageable for everyone. We planned everything out together in a groupchat.

I know she is allowed to want a completely different bachelorette experience. I am not saying that because my trip cost $280, hers is required to cost the same. I mention it because I really tried to consider what the people attending could reasonably manage (including myself!) and I think that influenced what I assumed the planning process for her trip would look like.

I thought there would be a conversation about budgets, distance, and availability before someone announced that they were about to book a house costing each person more than $1,000. I did not realize that generally expressing interest months ago would be treated as agreeing to any eventual destination, schedule, and price.

I also think I could have brought up a specific budget sooner. That is the part I feel guilty about. I did raise concerns about the weekday schedule and the amount of time away as those details emerged, but I did not specifically say, “My maximum lodging budget is X,” because I thought the cost would be discussed before we locked everything in.

Now I feel like my choices are either to spend money I do not believe I can responsibly spend or disappoint a close friend who is about to be in my own wedding.
We left it last night where I tried to bow out and she said pay nightly instead. I have my message written in response that gives her love and apologies but holds firm that I cannot make this work. Ended it saying I’ll be there every step of the way for her wedding and I’m sorry and I love her.

Am I being unfair by backing out after initially saying I wanted to attend? Should I have been expected to start saving once the general trip was mentioned, even though I did not know the final cost? Does the offer to pay by the night make this reasonable enough that I should force myself to attend briefly? How would you handle this knowing the bride is supposed to be one of your bridesmaids very soon?

TL;DR: A close friend who is also supposed to be in my wedding soon planned a bachelorette trip hours away by car. Dates were discussed. The lodging cost was not revealed until she said she was basically about to book, at which point we learned it would be $1100 per person before gas, food, or activities. When I said I could not afford it, she suggested I had plenty of time to save and later offered to let me pay nightly after I tried to gracefully bow out. Even a shortened trip still feels financially irresponsible but I am terrified of damaging the friendship or creating tension before my wedding.

PLEASE share your stories and perspectives. I need advice please. I feel like such a shit friend, this is so hard. Thank you for reading. 🫶🏼

My mom (in her 60s) is physically disabled, she uses a walker to get around and has trouble taking care of herself. She lives with her mom (my grandma), who’s in her 90s. Grandma has always been extremely healthy and active for her age, and has been capable of even taking care of my mom at her age. A couple weeks ago, grandma had a fall and broke some bones and ended up in the hospital. Since then, family has been taking turns being with my mom (I have too) to make sure she’s doing okay.

My wife and I haven’t taken in mom because we’re not financially able to. We have a small 1 bedroom apartment that isn’t handicap-accessible, my wife is laid off from work, and we’re barely affording food and rent. But we help out when we can. The rest of the family is fairly well off, including my uncles (mom’s brothers), who fully own their own houses with extra bedrooms that are sitting empty because their kids are grown up with their own families.

We just got the news that grandma might not ever recover, it’s possible she could develop complications that she might not be able to fight off. The family is now putting pressure on me to permanently take in my mom and take care of her.

My wife and I (both mid 30s) have always wanted a baby, and we know time is running short. We’ve never been able to afford one, but we’re ready to try. We know if we take in my mom, we could definitely never afford a baby. Not having a baby would be absolutely devastating to us. It’s a major life goal. My wife is so upset about the family telling us to take my mom in, she’s saying she will leave me if I side with them, and I’m not disagreeing with her or how important this is. Yet the family is unwilling to help with my mom or let her live with them, so she’s stuck on her own. I’m on the side of my wife, I wouldn’t lose her for the world, so I told her I will put my foot down and stand up to the family if it means keeping her. How do I approach this situation?

Me and my husband are currently going through a divorce. I’m the one who asked for it and there is so much I could say but long story short my needs were just being neglected and he became a whole different person. He started being more mean to me and spending less time with me. A couple months ago I found that he was hiding a lot from me including interacting with inappropriate content online. When I confronted him he lied and even when I forgave him and tried to move past it he continued lying and actually started to blame me for my behavior.

I tried to give him a second chance but he genuinely started changing for the worst and became too controlling. I sat him down and had a very long talk with him about how I feel and that I think divorce would be the best choice because I can’t keep being miserable at a young age. I told him I didn’t want him to change my mind and I just wanted to discuss things but he refused since, ‘there’s no point of talking if he couldn’t change my mind’.

Ever since that night we barely spoke and when we did we would argue which led me to just not wanting to talk. He started ignoring me because I didn’t want to argue. I had a flight booked this upcoming weekend to go back home and I was just trying to get through the week with no issues while preparing to leave peacefully. This morning, he barged into my room while I was sleeping and asked to see my phone in which I said no. I’ll be honest, I have absolutely nothing to hide but we are past the point of looking through phones or overthinking about what the other person is doing (been there, done that).

He started raising his voice and started getting aggressive because I wouldn’t show him my phone. What he was wanting to see is if I’m talking to the men I recently followed (2 of my old friends that I removed out of respect for him). He then started calling me a cheater and started cussing me out and told me that if I’m gonna talk to men in his apartment (he’s paying the bills atm) that I could leave today instead of this weekend. I said that’s fine because I know I’m not a cheater and if we’re going through a divorce and he’s not speaking to me that nothing in my phone concerns him anymore.

He gave me a deadline to leave the apartment and to pack my bags and take my car (he said he would ship it out for me before all of this). When I told my family they were absolutely baffled and told me to leave that apartment asap before he escalates things more. I’m now at my in laws and have no idea what I should do. Can anyone give me advice please?

don’t even know where to start. My heart and my life feel like they’ve shattered into a million pieces.

​Up until a week ago, my boyfriend (1.5 years together) was the most loving, caring, and wonderful partner I could have ever asked for. Just the day before he left, he surprised me at work out of nowhere just to see me. I felt so loved and secure.

​Then he left for a trip to the mountains with his friends, staying at a buddy’s apartment. Almost immediately, everything flipped 180 degrees. He completely started ignoring me. He pulled away, barely replied to my messages, and left me feeling like I was losing my mind. I knew in my gut that something was horribly wrong.

​When he finally came back, he acted distant and cold, as if he was waiting for me to break up with him. He had two full days to come clean or talk to me, but he stayed silent. Finally, I pressed him, and the truth came out.

​He admitted that while on the trip, he stayed close to a girl he literally met a week ago (who is visiting from abroad and leaves in a week). He confessed to:

​Sleeping right next to her while holding her hand.

​Going on evening walks with her, holding hands.

​Cuddling with her and having her sit on his lap.

​Emotional intimacy that went far beyond "friendship."

​He looked me in the eye and told me he thinks he "likes her" and felt a "spark" with her - a spark he claims had faded between us.

​At first, he acted cold. He said he wanted to break up, that he didn't deserve a second chance, and that he didn't even want one. Then, his story shifted, and he started claiming that "it wasn't actually cheating."

​Now, he’s spiraling and spamming me with horribly long messages begging for forgiveness. He says he suddenly realized what he lost, apologizing profusely, and literally told me he "destroyed his house for a night in a hotel." He is begging for another chance and claims that while it was happening, he didn't realize what he was doing or view it as cheating.

​To me, this is both physical and emotional cheatin, and the emotional betrayal hurts ten times worse. I feel so much disgust thinking about how he could do this after everything we built. That he could bond like that with some other girl that he wont see ever again.

​I’m completely lost. Cheating has always been an absolute dealbreaker for me, but I’m struggling to process this:

​Is it even possible for someone to "not realize" this was cheating, or is that just a pathetic excuse to shift guilt?

​How do I actually leave when I know in my head I have to, but my heart physically can't bring itself to let go?

​Is giving a second chance in a situation like this ever realistic, or am I just holding onto the ghost of who he used to be?

​I feel sick to my stomach and just need some honest advice or perspective from people who have been through this.

​TL;DR: My loving boyfriend of 1.5 years went on a trip, held hands, slept next to, and cuddled another girl he met a week ago. He claimed he felt a "spark," initially wanted to break up, then denied it was cheating, and is now begging for forgiveness saying he regrets "destroying his house for a night in a hotel." I feel broken and don't know how to walk away.

My 22f went through my 25m phone. We have been together for 3 years. For context I have just gotten a new phone recently about 2 weeks ago and with that I have left my old one at her place but it still has all the data on it. She had a bad dream the other night that I cheated on her and I assured her i loved her and that’s not me ofc.

She then asks me about this girl saying she saw her on Facebook and I had mutuals. I say yep she was one of my friends best mates from way back and dated another one of my mates, she says oh just did stuff with him I say yep and move on, haven’t talked to that person for 5+ years for context.

My girlfriend starts to act weird just the past couple days acting all upset and drained and I kept asking her what’s up and she tells me nothing not unless there’s something I should be upset about, obviously I say no why would there be a we just keep moving on.

She tells me this story about how her friend found nudes on her bfs phone from a girl before they even started dating and says she thinks it’s cheating. I ask why she’s going through her phone and she says oh she does all the time. (This story is later to be revealed completely fake)

Through all this I’m messaging my mate asking idk why she’s like this and the fact she brought up that girl and if she wants to see stuff from 6 years ago then that’s her fault atp. My mate says idk looks like she’s looking for a problem maybe she’s gone through ur phone and I said yeah idk maybe

Then a day later she tells me we need to call and have a talk tonight something she never phrases like that.

We get on call and her mood is instantly different from what it has been trying to “arc up” at me and I said wtf is going on answer me now blah blah.

She admits she went through my old phone as it was at her house and saw nudes from the previously mentioned girl that were just sitting in the chat I had with this person from 6 YEARS AGO. Keep in mind we’ve only been together for 3 and I have not talked to this person in at least 5+ years. She says she also looked through the messages of me and my mate and saw how my mate says she was starting to “look for a problem” and was upset at that. Now I genuinely I have no idea what to believe I asked when she went through it and why and she said bc I had a bad dream and just 2 days ago which is when she was acting weirder tbf.

No idea what to do she says they shouldn’t have been there I’m telling her I wasn’t even aware of them until she brought her up and then also made up that fake story. I feel I can’t trust her with anything going forward and she keeps turning it on me saying she can’t trust me bc I had nudes of a girls from 3 years before our relationship, in a chat bear in mind not even actually saved on the phone in a hidden folder or anything

TL:DR Gf of 3 years went through my phone and saw nudes of a girl from 6 years ago in a chat not saved to the phone and now we’re both not trusting each other and I have no idea what to do

I’m happy to answer any questions for context

I‘m 44 (w) and 6 weeks pregnant. For many years i tried to get pregnant with IVF but all pregnancies ended in a miscarriage. That‘s why I told my new partner (44) that probably there is no need for us to use birth control but I offered that we could if he wanted to. He has three kids already and doesnt want any more.
The impossible thing happened and I got pregnant, despite perimenopause and all doctors telling me it is too late for me.
Now my partner told me I have to decide between him and the baby but how can I make a decision between the two most important parts of my life??😭

I do feel too old and very tired to do this all by myself😢

My moms been using some hard drugs and I’ve been doing some sketchy stuff that I don’t want to do anymore. I feel like I’m going insane with everything I do. Every stupid ass song I listen to makes me breakdown cuz it just reminds of people or expierences.

The library I volunteer at was playing the mighty ducks for the summer camp kids and I literally had to leave the building just because I feel like I was going to throw up. Who Tf does that over a stupid fucking movie.

I keep throwing up and I dont know why im not anorexic or any shit like that I’m just not feeling good. I’m trying to help my mom but I don’t how and I don’t want to leave her and I don’t hangout with anyone because it feels like I think I’m better than all of them and I don’t find anyone funny or get along with anyone but I know that’s not true and I not blaming them because i know I’m not better than them.

All I want to do rn is be high because Atleast it stops me from thinking about things but I also don’t want to be a fucking loser. I’m crying like pussy rn but I js feel like I’m going insane. I want my mommy bro and I don’t want to go to highschool I hate that place so much.

I feel so frustrated with myself and ots lowk my fault cuz I ain’t doing shit to actually improve anything. I don’t want to talk to anyone irl because I just get irritated and end up getting mad at them which js makes me feel worse. And everyone at school alr thinks I’m a loser and ive heard ppl call me dahmer before js cuz of a rumour and no one even fucking tries to talk to me anymore. I’m not weird or fucking retarded I just hate everyone there.

Ion even know wtf I’m talking abt anymore I’m just mad at everyone rn

I just need advice on how to do better. Dont come at me with none of this “go to a church” bs because I’m not doung that it’s a long story but I’m just fucking not

My boyfriend (42 M) and I (37 F) have been together for 10 years. For the vast majority of our relationship, we lived a very lean, hard life. We lived in trailers, buses, and parked our trailers on other people’s properties. Through all of those tough years, I always worked, pulled my weight, and paid my way. I invested my own hard-earned money and endless physical labor into building a future with him because I knew we would eventually get to a comfortable place.
Recently, he inherited a nice house. I was so relieved because we finally made it to the destination we spent a decade driving toward. I have poured myself into this house, contributing both financially and physically to improve it.
The problem is that he refuses to give me any credit for my contributions. He rigidly views the house as entirely "his" by bloodright. The other day, after I had just finished doing 4 hours of my remote job, he woke up from a nap, mentioned the nice portable AC (which I financially and physically helped get), and literally high-fived himself, saying "nice work daddy." When I calmly asked, "Hey, what about me?" he snapped. He told me "take it out of the rent. You're not daddy. This isn't your house. You don't run the show."
When I got upset that he was erasing my hard work right to my face, it turned into a massive blowup. He started spamming my phone with texts telling me to "get the fuck out of my house" and "it's not yours, leave." When I threw his logic back at him and brought up an unmarried friend couple we know where the partner freely says "it's our house," he went completely nuclear. He called me a "piece of shit mess for the 10 years" and weaponized the recent death of my father against me, using my grief and hardest moments as a scorecard to prove I don't deserve a home.
He acts like this periodically. He will give me credit sometimes when things are easy, but the second his ego is challenged, he pulls the "my house, get out" trigger to force me into a submissive position. He financial gaslights me, saying "things cost money, you have to pay for things" to act like my investments were just basic rent, completely ignoring that I could have put my money into an asset in my own name.
To make the double standard even weirder: I recently bought a car with my own money from my own separate account. He found the listing on Marketplace and does routine maintenance on it. He has literally asked me, "What percentage of this car is mine since I work on it?" He believes his labor on my car buys him literal equity in my property, but my ten years of labor and money on his house mean absolutely nothing because his name is on the deed.
I didn't deal with all those hard years in trailers just to be used as a stepping stone and discarded or threatened with homelessness the moment things got nice and easy. I don't want a courtroom or a legal battle. I want the home and the good vibes I labored towards, but I am exhausted from begging for basic human credit and respect from the person who was supposed to be my teammate.
Am I crazy for being furious about this double standard? How do I navigate a partner who uses his inheritance as a weapon the second he gets angry?

Ok I (24F) am ranting a bit but basically asking how is anyone making enough money to live and enjoy life???

To clarify, I know I’m not doing terrible. A few grand in credit card debt that I still hope to beat (one day) and that’s it debt wise (thank god I didn’t go to college) but … it just feels like there’s always something. The second I make a decent payment on my credit card, I spent $400 at the vet. Then I finally have a full 80 hr check and my car breaks down and costs $600.

Can’t eat out or do anything fun. I don’t pay for any streaming services. I try to buy everything in bulk that I can. I just hate not being able to enjoy life. I got a new job but they are stingy with hours. I don’t mind working for my money I just wish it was enough money!!
An uphill battle…

It’s gotten to the point I wish I could sell f**t p*cs or something lol. Just for a little extra cash.

I know everyone is feeling it in this economy I guess I needed to vent a little ik that’s not allowed I’m sorry.

But also how is everyone doing it ?? I’m originally from a pretty expensive city and I moved away years ago bc of the cost. I have no clue how my childhood friends keep up. I can barely do it here.

I’ve worked two jobs before and I really don’t want to as I’ve found one always cuts into the other and defeats the purpose while leaving me double exhausted.

How is anyone making not just a living but a comfortable wage???

Hello I am 21M and my gf is a 21F,we have been dating for almost 2Y. I don’t wanna say our sex is boring cause I love our sexy time and her and I mostly every time orgasm. She has not had sex with anyone besides me and our only position we do it her on top and sometimes missionary. The reason for the post is I don’t know how to get her to do more stuff wheather that’s oral or other positions. I’ve tried and tired and she just will either refuse or try it for 10 seconds then say it hurts or will snap on me to the point I wanna stop tonight was the first time I pulled my pants up and stopped. How do I get my gf to do more she doesn’t watch porn or anything so I recommend maybe watching other girls do it that’s how I learned and she refused. Can any women or men give me advice on how to improve our sex life thanks!

Edit: clearly not worded the best I’m not making her to anything. We both know there is more to sex then 2 positions in just trying to find ways to go about the situation ppl are so quick to jump at me

Looking for advice on this situation.

My husband and I have a “friend”. She is a coworker of his. There’s a very long backstory to this friendship and how it came about- she clinged onto us very hard and very quickly when we first met.

It was obvious she had a crush on my husband and she has told me before that she has a crush on me. She has a ton of boyfriends on and off though, so I thought maybe she got over it.

For context, she has weaseled her way into a throuple in the past with a married couple and broken up their marriage. (She started talking to the guy first and then he convinced his wife to open the marriage to her, and then it went downhill from there).

Of course this all sounds insane and very shady. I hate to believe the worst in people and their intentions, but obviously she’s got issues. I give the benefit of the doubt a lot. I cannot tell if she is completely oblivious to some of the things she says and does, or if she’s insidious. Yes I have been to therapy over this and my therapist helped me to try and distance myself from her. She considers herself the aunt to my baby. She comes over unannounced. I have problems setting boundaries. So does my husband. Obviously.

To the reason for this post. I told my husband tonight that her behavior has been bothering me a bit again. I worry sometimes that she’s trying to make moves on my husband when I’m not around. She just told me about the birthday present she got for him (a special limited edition version of his favorite book signed by the author), and it was making me feel a type of way due to the thoughtfulness and intimacy of the gift. So I sat him down and I told him that it’s getting to me a bit again. It’s a bunch of little things that keep chipping away at the ice block.

We were having a good discussion where he was saying he’d cut her off and set better boundaries. I told him that I would like to see their thread of text messages because even though I trust him, I don’t trust her and I wanted to see if she was trying to push the boundaries. If I am to continue being friends with this person and let them be a part of our lives, I’d like to feel secure that she’s not always playing at something behind my back.

He refused and said it was a violation of his privacy and that it was his boundary. This made me really upset because if the roles were reversed, I would have let him see my phone for peace of mind. I felt worse leaving the conversation than I did going into it, because now I feel like he’s broken the trust between us by not letting me see it. The thought process of- if there’s nothing to hide, then why can’t I see it? He’s of the opinion that he’s been completely trustworthy and that he would never cross that boundary because he loves me and our baby, and he feels like I’m accusing him of something.

So now we’re at an impasse. I feel horrible, and now it doesn’t even matter because he’s taken his phone and if there really was anything on it then it could have been deleted by now.

I already know the general consensus will be that we should cut her off, and I do know that. It’s just really hard because of the circumstances of them working together and her claiming us as family, etc. It would make things incredibly awkward. We live in a very small and tight knit community and it would be everyone’s business.

So please tell me what I should do next. I feel lost right now. Probably going to schedule a couple’s therapy session at the very least.

Ok for context I'm a 17 that current home life sucks. My house has 7 dogs with their crap everywhere, hoarding, and my mum calls me monster, snitch, steals my money, and calls me useless if I piss her off, which is often :/// When then again she tries to make it up to me by being nice to me so idk ://

Ok now for the question my dad recently offered for me and my twin to move the the USA for grade 12. After eating water and salt for dinner I told him I wanted to move. Because lets me honest, I can literally feel my mental health withering away, you know? My mum is not mentally well and needs a caretaker, aka me but with all the stuff she says to me . . . I just can't really take it. Like I know how terrible the USA is and that I may need to do grade 13 but like I just . . . I want to try to have a normal life, even with extreme soical anxity.

Now when I told my twin sister this she said she was gonna stay here so like should I move or not??? Like living without her . . . she never had to deal with mum's stuff like I do though, that I will admit. I'm giving her food, I'm trying to take care of them but like . . . I don't know if I can leave her. I also have extreme social anxiety so like how will I even operate in a world without someone to fall back on in a new school??? idk :////

So yeah, I don't know who to ask so I've turned to the internet, please tell me your thoughts on this, I don't know where to go :(((

Oh yeah and my Lola has cancer and only 2 years to live. The reason why I am actually like thinking of moving is not because I'm heartless but because like . . . I just can't take it, alright??? You get someone telling you that you're not wanted half the time and the other half of the time saying "sorry" and "I'll be better" and then you'd understand but still, any option of my situation is welcome

Oh for more context right now I live in Canada so yeah, different country move in

Oh yeah and I would be moving the St. Louis, I plan on higher education, also in the USA there is no grade 13??? So is it just called failing then???

Im 20 and my husband is 23, we've been married almost a year and are very secure. He has a good job, I stay at home, things are stable and we're happy. Me and my sister grew up in a SEVERELY abusive household (getting beaten badly, screamed at, not allowed to go to school, socially isolated, etc etc) and she was kicked out at 16. She lived with a friend but that situation was also really really abusive.

Im doing alot better due to therapy and a positive church community and the support of my husband. We moved from a studio to a 2bed so we could take my sister in due to her situation. So she moves in (she lived 4hrs away before), instantly starts doing better. We love her and she's one of my best friends so I'm very grateful.

The only rules were, no romantic partners over at the house, no weed, and she has to keep a job and pay rent.

I knew she'd have issues but I literally have no idea what to do to help her with what is g going on. I should've thought of this before but her mental health was declining quickly and we took her in directly after moving so I didn't have much time to prepare.

Her room is full of old fast food, we are getting ants and bugs in our house because of it. Her room is just incredibly dirty. She pays 300 for rent to stay here and is working but she spends all her money on hanging out with friends and her gf who lives 2hrs away. I went in her room to get something she borrowed from me and her room is full of bugs and rotting trash and other things I can't even write here. She also screams at me and cries when I ask her to clean her room or help with chores around the house.

I don't care if her room is cluttered or even dirty but I don't want bugs in our house or mold growing on the old rotting food in her room.

I took her to go swimming, because she asked and it was 99⁰, and then she started yelling at me because the water was too cold and she didn't want to swim anymore. So I told her, you can't yell at me like that, we're going home, and she sobbed the whole way home. Everything is like this. It's so hard to stay patient when she yells at me and calls me a "fat bitch" or "cunt" everytime I try to help her.

My husband is very very gentle and tried talking to her, asking her to please clean her room and help around the house a little (cleaning up after she cooks, doing a chore like sweeping or mopping here and there) and she cried and got mad and didn't leave her room until 5pm the next day.

All night long she calls her gf and they talk loudly until like 4am. She wakes up at 12-1, lays in bed until she goes to work, and then comes home to lay in bed again. I don't think she's depressed and ive offered to take her to therapy multiple times but she won't budge.

I know I'm probably ignorant and I'm definitely not taking the right approach, I just don't know what to do. She's 18 in a month and i just need help on what to do to help her to be a well rounded individual who can function in society

I need advice on how to help my friend, because I genuinely have no clue on how else I can help her. So I (19F) have a best friend (20F), she wants to work a job so that she can pay her way through college. For context, she lives at home with her mom who doesn't work, little sister's and brother who has a job, but wont help her in anyway. My friends mom basically wants her to magically get a career in the major that she wants to peruse. But won't let her do anything work wise, she cant get a part time job, she cant even volunteer at places for experience. My friend has recently got on a dating app, where she's talking with men so that she can move in with them and then she wants to find a job. I am trying my best to help her, I even offered to drive her to her job as soon as she finds one. But her mom won't let her go anywhere. I am scared for her safety as she's meeting with these men and going with them to their houses outside of our city which is hours away, so if something happens to her I don't know if I would be able to get there in time. I'm trying to figure out a plan so that she can sneak away from the house and go to work. Do you guys have any advice.