I had a situation with my stepson Zack (15) over the weekend. It was my birthday. When it's a family member's birthday, that person chooses the activities they would like to do to celebrate. Everyone else participates happily to help the birthday person feel celebrated. Zack is included in this. For my birthday, I specifically chose an activity I knew would appeal to Zack because he can be difficult when the activity is not his preference. Historically, Zack himself has chosen this same activity for his birthday.

Prior to and during the activity, Zack began what I consider to be passive-aggressive tantrums. The behavior includes pretending not to hear when he is spoken to, pretending to be asleep when he is not, responding to genuine questions or requests sarcastically and/or with an argument, etc. Then there's the open, frequent, and loud complaining about "having to" participate. In essence, Zack can really bring down a celebration when he would prefer not to be there. My husband expressed some annoyance with Zack about the behavior, but he did not address it specifically or directly with expectations for improvement.

During one part of the activity, Zack needed to make a specific choice about something in order to participate further. He was sitting there pretending to be asleep, holding everyone else up. Like, he was acting as if he had dozed off and his head was dropping forward. My husband tried to get Zack's attention twice, and Zack ignored him. My husband asked a third time, and Zack pretended like he hadn't heard and that he was startled awake. It was clearly fake and ridiculous.

I had enough of it at that point. I told Zack to step away from the group with me for a minute. I took him to a separate area, and I reminded him that it was my birthday and that was why we were doing this activity. I reminded him that when it is his birthday, we all -- me included -- do whatever he chooses, and we participate fully. I then reminded him that I had spent the entire previous day doing an activity he had chosen, and I did it happily. I told him that I expected the same from him. That's what is fair. He replied with, "I'm trying." And I said, "Try more." Then I told him to go back to where the group. When we returned, my husband asked me if everything was okay. I said, "It will be now."

A little while later, I told my husband about the exchange with Zack. I told him I would understand if he believed I overstepped or if I needed to do anything with Zack to correct what I'd said. My husband said he thought I'd handled it well. He said Zack's behavior was poor, and he was glad I addressed it.

Later, Zack continued to pout, and he separated himself from the rest of the group. I decided that as long as he wasn't creating problems for everyone else, he could sit over there on his own. I didn't address that. My husband, however, became very concerned that Zack was sad or whatever, and that became the excuse to end the activity. Zack got what he wanted, right? So frustrating. Zack hasn't spoken to me for three days now.

So, do you think I overstepped my bounds by addressing Zack the way I did? This is difficult for me because I never had these behavioral issues with my son (25). It has always just been expected and accepted that we behave positively on someone else's birthday to help them have a good day.

I (49f) have a stepchild (20f) who has been living with me and her bio dad(49m) for the past 3 years. Relationship with sd was good up until she graduated from her college program. She was extremely rude to me at her graduation dinner (which her bio mom was attending) despite her father and I paying for her entire tuition. She thanked everyone for their support in a Facebook post and omitted her father’s support.

She’s not openly rude but disregards everyone including grandparents. Doesn’t seem grateful for gifts or help out much around the house.

Last year, I told my husband that it was time for her to transition into her own living situation. She has been working full time since last year. Has a car (we gifted her) and pays her own expenses (gas, cellphone, clothes, etc). The year is up now and I reminded my husband it was time to revisit her moving out. He asked me if I expected him to drop her off at a women’s shelter.

I’m ready to move out on my own. I didn’t create this problem and I am not her parent.

Am I being stupid for wanting to separate over this situation?

I’ve been with BD for four years so I’ve known SS (7) for more than half of his life at this point.
He is starting therapy soon for a few different things (but also therapy is great! And he’s a child of divorce so I’m just pro him having someone to talk to with no ‘skin’ in the game.)
One of those things is a sudden separation anxiety where if his father gets up to do anything from going to the bathroom to walking around the corner to toss trash - SS starts FREAKING out ‘where’s my dad!’ And can’t be calmed until his dad is literally back directly next to him. While he’s always been super entitled to his dad and doesn’t seem to view him as a person who has to do anything other than tend to him; I have started getting particularly grossed out by the bodily entitlement. He climbs all over his father like a jungle gym but also just pokes, prods, pets, shoves his hands inside his shirts, up his pant legs, and will say stuff that makes it so much creepier like ‘mmm that feels nice’ (not sexually but still it makes it soooo much creepier!)
My problem is; while I know therapy is imminent it’s not going to suddenly change how this kid views his father in five to ten business days - but in the interim I am super struggling to find my partner intimately attractive because I can only see his body as his kid’s toy….does that make sense? Does anyone else have the same issue or have gotten through it?

do yall ever regret marrying someone with more than one kid? or even 1 kid? i feel ashamed admitting this but sometimes i feel like i settled because i never imagined i would end up with someone with 2 kids, i do have a daughter and i would have preferred someone with no more than 1 kid. english is my third language so i apologize in advance just wanted to vent because at first it didn’t bother me but after almost 1 year married to him sometimes i wonder if i would have just waited to meet someone different i do love my husband but idk 😪

My story - 50 yrs old. Met a lady that had kids that were 18 mth old son and 7 yr old daughter.

We had kids 50% time with father.

Everything went well with kids, raised them good, went to games, took them on trips, did the typical family thing. Once both kids were old enough to have a car I noticed a trend. They would spend more time with the fathers family. As time went on it gets worse. My daughter has been doing this for about 10 yrs and my son about 5 yrs. The daughter has spent 1 night in the past 5 yrs with us and the son may stay with us 2 times a year. They are at their dads house many weekends of the year. While I am at a point of not caring about it anymore as they made their choices. My wife also accepts it too. I think deep down it hurts her but she is a strong lady.

Its frustrating. Recently we went out to have dinner for an hour with our son and he only really spoke about his other family the whole time. He spent 6 days at their house and came to see us for an hour. This has gone on now for years. My wife and I think of selling and downsizing our house or going south for the winters. Part of our conversation will include the fact that the kids don't come to see us or want to spend any quality time with us so why do we need to live close to them. I don't see this changing. As one is 21 and the other is 27 and its went on for years.

Anyhow, any advice or similar stories to share?

As the title says me and my wife had a beautiful daughter together and she just turned 2. My wife has a son who's 11 and lives with us, he sees his bio Dad roughly every other weekend. We have been together for over 6 years, living together for 4.

It feels like my problem is that I am so much more in love with my own daughter then I have ever been when compared with my step son. I feel like I've tried to be close with him, but it feels my relationship with him is not nearly as affectionate. It becomes much more apparent when it's just the three of us for the day, but obviously the expectations are a bit different between a 2 year old and an 11 year old.

But I never felt like I've seen any of myself in that boy or felt him where he is at. He's never been easy: has emotional-disconnection issues(from past emotional abuse by his bio Dad), possibly autistic, has had issues in school where he claimed or said insane things, and can really be rude or unpleasant to be around sometimes. All of these things make me nervous about his future, while on the other hand I see nothing but success and happiness for my daughter.

I would love for him to get evaluated by a therapist or even a psychologist, his Mom needs help too. But neither of those things are my call to make unfortunately.

I suppose my question to this community is, has anybody else felt the same when they compare their bio kids to their step kids? Any advice or stories are welcomed.

Thanks

How do you handle keeping clothes straight between each house, if at all?

This is a slightly hot button issue in our situation as the kids’ mom is a real down to earth tomboy, but my stepdaughter is very girly (and so am I.) Her mom thinks this is a bit of a moral failing and exclusively dresses her in secondhand clothes/tells her she shouldn’t care about clothes beyond function.

So I buy her nice clothes that she likes, but if these go back to her mom’s house they “go missing” or get ruined (cue a lecture on “this is why you don’t buy kids good stuff, because they just ruin it when they play”…but this never happens at our house because, you know, I make sure she’s wearing clothes appropriate for the activity.)

I’ve recently taken to washing the clothes they arrive in and sending them home in those clothes so we keep the stuff we buy and vice versa, but I’ve had feedback that this is “insulting” and “like I don’t trust [their mom]”. So now I’m at a bit of a loss. What does “normal” look like for other people here?

ETA there was a deleted comment suggesting I was being “judgy” that her mom doesn’t buy nice clothes. I typed out a response before the comment got deleted so might as well use it; I’m not judgemental of her approach, and I apologise if it comes off that way.

I do however resent being forcibly held to that same approach, to the detriment of a little girl (who is upset when she can’t find her “nice things” because she wants to feel pretty), not to mention the complete waste of money it represents (which is ironic, given that that is exactly what she says she is trying to take a stance against.)

In general I get along with her very well, and think she’s a great mom, but on this particular topic she is trying to prove a point and I feel that it’s gone too far.

We have been together for 8 years and have been married for nearly 4. 3 girls, ages 13, 15, 17. He is 41 and I am 38. We have them every other weekend and for a month in the summer (currently).

I’m tired of him treating me like he is the director and I am the manager in this marriage. I flag things to him about my SDs, and he gets frustrated that he has to address it with them himself (because it’s my issue, not his) instead of me just taking care of it for him. I explained that it’s his biological kids, and that it’s his job to parent them. He gets defensive and frustrated, especially when he feels he’s already handled it. If I try to handle it minimally, he complains that I’m not doing it right and tries to “teach me” or get me to “learn” how to do things. I point out that he would get upset with me if I handled things my way instead of considering his feelings on the matter, and I also tell him I’m frustrated that we can’t communicate without him getting this way, but we just end up in a big disagreement and I’m always the one in the wrong.

I really feel like my marriage is disintegrating. I don’t know that we will make it. I love him, but I’m terribly unhappy when it comes to his kids.

Hello! I’m usually a lurker but honestly feel so confused by everything that has happened and I just wanna get some stuff off my chest. I (21 F) have a boyfriend (22 M) who has a 1 year old daughter with his baby mama who I’ll refer to as BM (20 F). I have not met his daughter yet as he’s only recently been allowed to see her. She keeps the baby from him and he’s been in and out of court with her about custody. The case was unfortunately dismissed due to racism and disorganization by the court (which BF is reporting to our state judicial conduct commission). The problem is, she planning to move out of state and although they have a notarized contract on communication and visitation together, I feel like she’s trying to screw him over.

Some background about BM. She and BF were together for less than 2-3 months and she found out she was pregnant around a month or so into them dating. The reason he broke things off was because he was told by a mutual friend that she had cheated on him which he later confirmed by confronting her. This explained a lot of her behavior towards the middle and end of their relationship. After he broke things off with her, she tried numerous times to get him back but eventually started threatening him saying he wouldn’t be a part of the baby’s life and that she promised she’d make sure that was the case.

Since then, he’s showed up to numerous baby appointments and leading up to the birth tried doing what he could to await his daughter’s arrival. When she was born, he was there and supported her through it. Despite him wanting the baby to have his last name, she refused and he didn’t argue with her and signed the birth certificate without a problem. Unfortunately, throughout the pregnancy he had some doubts about paternity, especially because she had sent a message telling him he wasn’t the father before deleting the message entirely. He was eventually talked out of requesting a paternity test by her entire family which has now become a more relevant factor. Also worth noting that they had verbally agreed not to introduce him partners to their baby before meeting the significant other of each parent.

They’ve been going back and forth for the better part of a year after he accused him of neglect and abuse towards his daughter. He has only ever had her visit his place once and in that time she had a bruise on her side which was faded (fresh bruises look different) and he had changed her diaper before giving her back to mom for the night. Despite her report, it was found unsubstantiated and despite endless communication back and forth with her, she refused to let him see her from that day forward. Any plans that were made were always on her terms without being realistic or trying to compromise. As an example, she wanted him to drive out of state to see his daughter at a mall when she knows he doesn’t have a car. He suggested meeting her at her apartment or a mall nearby which she refused. Because of this, he told her he would continue fighting this through court only.

During this time BM also got a boyfriend who she started bringing around the baby every day (they now live together). For the sake of this story I’ll call him stepdad (SD). He’s a pretty good guy from what I’ve heard but my BF found out about him before BM told him. Turns out he’s been acting as her father and this broke my BF’s heart. He’s tried so hard to see his daughter. Even though he was never able to see her in person, he sent money every two weeks for months once she stopped letting him see the baby. Every time he offered to drop off diapers or wipes or buy his baby something she would refuse. When she had come over to serve him paperwork about court and he asked to talk to his daughter who was in the back of the car and see her and hold her, she said no and drove away (with SD in the car). The only reason he’s able to see his daughter now is because the court dismissed the case and he told her he would continue fighting this in court if she didn’t let him see her and she wants to move out of state. She can no longer live where we live and so there’s the only option for her.

Now to what’s got me feeling uncertain. I work with kids and love children. I would never try to replace the baby’s mom (since me and my BF are planning a future together) but I want to be there for his daughter as best as I can as she keeps growing. I knew getting into a relationship with my boyfriend he had a baby and that wasn’t a dealbreaker for me because he is such a genuine kindhearted partner and person. What worries me now is that because his BM has consistently gone back on her word, has miscommunicated or completely refused to compromise and likes to villainize my boyfriend for not being in the baby’s life despite multiple failed attempts on his part to see the baby, I feel like she is up to something to spite him. Now that she’ll be moving out of state it’ll be a lot harder for my BF to see his daughter but it was the only way for him to see her. I also feel like she’s going to try and use this against him. I would appreciate any advice on how to proceed, getting a lawyer is so expensive in our state and a two bedroom is as well (we got a two bedroom in preparation for him being able to see his daughter without us really knowing when that would be). I feel so angry towards her and despite not knowing her personally I don’t know how I can grow to like someone so cruel. Since I work with kids I see how the behavior of parents can really mess with young children’s brains and I’m afraid that she’ll intentionally try to turn her daughter against him which I know would crush him. Unfortunately he can’t do more because of finances and even on this side of the looking glass how do you even handle this emotionally while simultaneously being there for your parter. Thanks in advance for any help..

Rant? And asking for advice?

My partner had his child very young. They've coparented well but now the child lives with him full time. Being incredibly young he struggled a lot, but has really made something of himself. I was fine originally with not having my own, but those feelings have changed. I've spoken to him about it, and he just isn't sure he wants to go through it again. I'm trying to just let the relationship be and come back to it after a few months and see if he thinks any differently (was a discussion to really get a final answer of does he want this).

I am struggling. A lot. If he says no, it's really no skin off his back. He already had a child. He already has that family. I do not. I miss out on... Everything about it. And I want that. I am seeing a counsellor but we are yet to come up with coping mechanisms.

This might not be the right page but I'm struggling a lot. Has anyone been in a similar boat? How did you cope? What was the end outcome? If you were the one who changed your mind to a yes, what happened from there?

My husband’s daughter from his first marriage is 8 years old, and we have her for school breaks as her mother lives in a different state in the US. We’ve been trying to get residential custody but that is a separate issue. When she’s here, I’ve noticed issues such as pee/poop on the toilet seat, bad smells wherever she sits, unwillingness to bathe, and a complete lack of ability to clean up after herself.

Her bedroom is a complete disaster and I have her help me clean it every evening, but it goes back to the way it was by the next morning. I know some of this may be age-appropriate, but I was wondering just how much of this is normal. My husband has tried to speak to her mother about it, but they have a very contentious relationship and I often have to be the mediator as bio mom has a good relationship with me.

When I’ve visited my stepdaughter at her maternal grandmother’s house, I’ve noticed these same issues there among all the family members (multi-generational home). Him and I both have tried to teach her how to clean herself multiple times but it feels like it goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t really know how we should be handling this. Is there a way to teach her how to be clean that I’m not implementing?

I’m in such a strange head space which I never thought I’d be in! A few years ago if you’d have asked me if I want a baby I’d have said yes immediately and for a long time it was all I wanted. However fast forward a few years I’m so on the fence even leaning more towards no.

For context my relationship with SS 12 has been strained over the past few years due to HCBM. We went from 50/50 custody to every other weekend. I had to take a step back for my own sanity and now we are really quite distant.

I now find myself dreading that weekend I hate my routine being altered. I hate not having my morning coffee in peace. I hate sitting on the living room and sharing my sofa. I hate all my food being eaten in one sitting. I hate feeling like I have to watch what I say or do. I think I just feel like my house isn’t my own home for a weekend. Now SS really isn’t a bad kid at all I just hate sharing my space all of a sudden.

Is it like this with your own? Does this mean I’m too selfish for my own child and I would have my time/routine being my own… serious confusion.

Did anyone else feel this way?

Y’all, I’m struggling with navigating being a stepparent to a teenage boy lol

I’ve been in his life since he was 12, and he lives with his dad and me full-time. We all have a great relationship, and he’s such a wonderful, respectful kid, which I’m incredibly grateful for.

He’s 16 and has been dating his girlfriend for about a year. For the most part, she’s nice, but his dad and I constantly overhear them arguing on the phone. A few weeks ago, he even frantically called his dad while he was at his mom’s house because his girlfriend was threatening to break up with him. He was in complete panic and told his dad she was the only thing that made him happy.

They’re also on FaceTime from the moment they wake up until they go to bed, and it just feels unhealthy. I know I’m probably overreacting.

I know I was a teenager once too. I thought my high school boyfriend was my soulmate, and I was absolutely devastated when we broke up. But it feels like things are different now with how connected kids are through their phones 24/7.

I also struggle because I’m the stepmom, so sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t care this much or if it’s not really my place. His dad is pretty laid-back about most things, although he admits it bothers him too.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? Am I overthinking this? I’m sure I am but it feels nice to type it out.

Back in April SS 9M SA'd his younger cousin 5M. My SO and I have 2 kids together 2M and 11 months F. We have been together since SS was 2. Mine and SS relationship has never been great thanks to his mother and her family. But now I just don't want him around my kids at all. I love my SO and don't want to break our family up over this. But I don't know what else to do. I want to protect my kids and I don't know how else to protect them other than them having no contact with him. Obviously that isn't possible with the current situation. We have SS 2 nights once a fortnight. SS now sleeps in our room and is no longer around when our babies are showering. But I am still unsettled and on edge when he's here.

What do I do? Has anyone else been in this situation? Please help

Understandably, lots of posts here are about adjustment problems with stepchildren. May be it will help everyone to hear about stories of successful adjustments and positive outcomes and how did they happen.

Thus, if your teenager stepchild adjusted successfully with you, what were some steps, events, tactics, or circumstances that you think resulted in successful outcomes and hopefully loving relationships?

Is it typical BD behavior to keep trying to flirt with BM even after he is engaged? His Fiancée has no idea. I want to tell her but also, if he cheats on her then she can get that bag later on down the road when he is married.

I am the step parent and know that its happening. BM tells me about it everytime, and tells me that she denies any of his advances. Whats the most annoying part is he acts like he likes me as a friend. I just can't be fake so I don't talk much- when I know what he is up to.

I can't not be around him because of the child. Does it end after the child turns 18? Or is this going to be my life.

A predatory BD lurking around every corner.

Hey! I have been with my fiancé for about a year and a half. He has a daughter that is 10. I feel like coming in and being a stepparent when you’re also a people pleaser has been extremely hard. I constantly feel like his BM and her new husband and step kids are judging me as well as her parents ( my step daughters grandparents). Like no person is perfect. But when a stepmom isn’t perfect all hell breaks loose. They have never once said anything to my face but it’s their actions. The BM won’t help when I drop SD off. And then I feel like she judges how we do her hair or let her get dressed. Obviously she is dressing appropriately in leggings, tee shirts, shorts, crocs or tennis shoes. And her hair is in a pony tail or down but it’s never good enough. It’s almost like she wants her to be dressed and hair done to the 10s every time and that’s not how we live.I’m not sure how to go about this and kinda help myself. I know most of this is me and I need to understand that this happens but how to you get through it and not let it eat you alive.

I’m at my wits end. Summer visitation is almost over but it has been a TRYING time.

I just need to ask other people if this is what we observe from 5 year olds typically. I actually work with kids so I know how o experience 5 year olds as a teacher, but maybe the restraint collapse at home is just not something I was expecting.

My SD is 5 almost 6. She’s with us often throughout the year, but spends most time with her mom and then most of the summer with us.

My main things are not doing backflips off your bed, not playing on the staircase, not climbing your bookshelf and clean up before you move to another area of the house. I legitimately have to repeat every single one of these things 10x a day and I’m not understanding how nothing is sticking after WEEKS of the same reminders. And she’s not trying to act out. She’s apologetic every time she’s corrected and she hates her consequences (time out usually), but it’s like she absolutely cannot stop. Then we’ve reprimanded her multiple times about lifting and throwing her sister (OD almost 2) and also wrapping things around her neck or her sister’s neck tightly. Like a toy necklace or binoculars but twisting and twisting it on purpose. Of course my husband and I have both freaked out about these last two especially but it has still happened SEVERAL TIMES. When she’s reprimanded, she typically just says she forgot.

Idk, I just wanna know do you all deal with this at this age? Bio kid or step kid, doesn’t matter. I have no idea if this is the other household, some type of underlying issue or just normal at this point.

Long story short DHs ex has always been an issue. Today she dropped the bombshell that she may have to move across the country to NY (we’re on the west coast) in order to seek support from her sister since she doesn’t like parenting alone. The kicker is she said she’s fine just leaving her kids behind and taking them only for some time over the summer. Currently we have a 50/50 custody split but often times she’s too overwhelmed and asks us to take them. The part that is making me angry is because I know I’m the main reason she’s threatening this. Early in our relationship she attempted to reconcile with him and obviously he refused and moved forward with me. Since then she cycles between being verbally abusive, threatening to harm herself and pretending like she’s apologetic to try and gain sympathy. She never attempted to repair their relationship until I came along and once she realized it was serious and she wasn’t going to get her life back she’s been going out of her way to make everyone around her suffer. Part of me wants to be happy that she’s threatening to leave so that either A she’ll do it and we can just have them full time because she’s not stable and can’t provide anything for them. Or B that she was bluffing and since it’s been documented that she has been unstable that it will make it easier for us at the next court proceeding to get more custody of them. Either way I’m heartbroken for their kids because she’s a pathetic excuse for a mother and they never deserved to be shackled to such an incompetent parent that clearly cares more about herself than them.

I feel sad when partner’s daughter leaves after staying with us. I’ve seen her grow up from 5 years old to 13 now. She getting so big but is still so beautiful, kind and intelligent. I get sad because she’s growing up so fast and she spends most her time with her mom. She’s a great mom. I know she’s safe and well taken care of. I just wish we didn’t live so far away and could see her more. I feel like at this age she’s a lot more invested in friends. So sometimes it’s hard to adjust to that. I want her to be a teenager. But I also am so scared sometimes I won’t be a huge part of her life. I know I am but she has many people who love her and 4 parents including myself. It’s great she’s got a lot of caring people. All I hope for is that as she gets older we can still be close or maybe closer. I know this is a subreddit for different stories but I was hoping maybe some people feel this way. They have step kids who they love but it’s hard since they aren’t the primary parent. All the best. It was hard for me at first but it got a lot better.

So currently waiting for the shit storm. But I have 3 cats. I’ll go by their first initial to hopefully not give too much away.

G- 5-6 y/o female. Loving. Affectionate. Came from shelter and doesn’t like to be picked up much or chased around. But will come up for attention constantly. Also does not like her sides pet. She will mouth and if you continue to pet her sides she will get up and walk away.

D- 2 y/o male. Loving as hell. Extra toes which sometimes will catch you or he will accidentally scratch with them. My child who picked him from the shelter can carry him like a ragdoll everywhere around the house. She does carry him properly but towards the start not wanting to put down her stupid tablet her dad got her she got into a habit of carrying him with one arm. Anyways. Never had an issue since it’s been since he was a baby. She does carry him normal 95% of the time now.

T- 2 y/o female. She does not want to get picked up. Actively avoids people unless she’s hungry or something. Will come for pets on her terms. Typical cat? Ghost for the most part.

So I have been living with boyfriend for a couple months now. We’ve been moved in and the laundry room is the cats. They spend a lot of time in there. They come out through the house often but that’s their room and where they go at night. Well this morning and just for lack of better terms my 10 y/o step son if you can consider him that decided he wanted to play with them. Moved the washer out and everything to get to G. G he has taken out at night when I’ve been away for work and she got hurt about a month ago. He claims she jumped halfway down the stairs out of his arms. I don’t believe it. I don’t believe he intended to hurt her necessarily either. But I told bf I would like the cats left alone unless we can supervise because I don’t believe either of his sons know how to properly handle a cat. Or care about boundaries. Well behind the washer is G covered in oxi clean that apparently got spilled while he was trying to get the cat. D is apparently the one who scratched and ss claimed tried to bite. I’ve never had issues with biting. D unfortunately I can see scratches some from the extra toes that he can’t control. He has oven mitts looking paws and the “thumb” just gets caught on anything, anyone and everything. Downstairs was a mess. Couches pulled out. Furniture pulled out. Broom wasn’t in its spot so idk if he tried poking at him. I’m just lost on what to do. Waiting currently to hear about how bf or the boys mom want the cats gone. Because I’m sure it’s coming. Apparently when the 10 y/o was a baby he got cat scratch fever and his mom has hated cats. But on the other hand they have all seemed kinda irresponsible with all their animals. Most recently was a Frenchie that she had that had claws growing into her feet and bleeding from her rear that she didn’t care to take to a vet for and “got rid of”. I’m tired of it. I’m about 7 months pregnant with our child and stressed. D is my daughter’s cat. She picked him and he sleeps in her bed and all. And I feel like they’re gonna both say shit to get the cats gone. Or worse. Get rid of them somehow when I’m working or something. I’m about to order some cameras Friday for around the house and I have no idea how it’s gonna go over with bf. He knows how they are with animals as well. My child also has a hamster in her room and they went in there taking it out and passing it around roughly while I was on FaceTime with my daughter as she is away visiting family right now. They put a hole in her wall roughhousing in there broke a couple toys and everything. I’m just tired of it.

ETA: Also wanted to add that when I say for lack of better terms for calling him a step son, since we’re not married or anything idk if you can still consider him a step son? I said it once to a friend and they said no not unless we’re married so just for ease of the post I say step son. I do enjoy having the boys around it’s just some things such as treatment of the animals that bother me. Among other things but I let their dad deal with it. I don’t see it being my place for some things.

I 46m been with my finance 46f for over two years and we've lived together since last October. She has two sons, 16 and 12. I knew going into the relationship that her kids would always come first in many situations, and I've never expected to replace them or compete with them. My issue I don't feel like there's room for me as her partner.

For months, I've told her that I need to feel like a priority sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes. I want intentional time together, affection, and to feel like our relationship matters too. Instead, I consistently feel like I'm fourth in line behind her job, her kids, her constant arguments with her ex over their custody agreement (still not finalized), he's high conflict and heck I know it's not much in Attorney money but I tossed $1k towards her fees cause mu partner is struggling with it to try and ease where I could.

One of the biggest issues is with her oldest son. He's almost 17 and is constantly hanging on her, sitting with her, leaning on her, and seeking her attention whenever he and she are home. I understand they're close, but I often feel like I'm competing with him for basic affection and quality time. If we're sitting together, he inserts himself. If I try to spend time with her, it often turns into family time instead of couple time. I've expressed how isolated that makes me feel, but nothing has really changed.

It's not just that, though. I work long hours and contribute heavily around the house. I help pay for 80% of the mortgage, split utilities 50/50,, buy all groceries and house hold supplies, cook, and take care of household responsibilities.80% of the time as I get off work first. Recently, after working a 14-hour day in 95-degree heat, it became an argument just to get her to meet me to drop off my car at the dealership so I didn't have to spend 60 bucks twice on a Lyft (there and back when the car was down) Yet she had no problem booking another AirBnB for the second time this summer and the third vacation for her and forth for the boys, they were on a week long vacation with their BD before we all did a week together just the previous two weeks. She says she has to check her account when I simply asked twice now for $100 every two weeks for groceries or household things, but somehow there's time and money for more trips.

This isn't about one incident. It's about feeling like I've communicated the same needs over and over without seeing meaningful change. I feel more like someone who basically supports the household than someone who's actually valued as her partner.

For those of you who are stepparents or parents in blended families:

Am I expecting too much by wanting to feel like my relationship is prioritized sometimes? Have any of you felt like you were competing with a teenager for your partner's attention? At what point do you decide that the relationship simply isn't meeting your emotional needs?

I'm feeling incredibly guilty for wanting to leave because I know at least in the short term her and the boys will suffer. Her ex hasn't paid child support since October last year, coincidentally when I moved in with her and it's a measly $300 a month, she's already over extended financially as she only makes gross $34k a year. In contrast all my children are grown adults and depending on how my side small business does along with my full time I make between 120-150k a year, more on the former this year in this economy.

We haven't been intimate in over a month and her response was that's not that long knowing I came from a 24 year long with 16 years being basically sexless marriage and this is very important to me, pretty sure I'm done and this is more of just a vent.

Three years ago, I fell in love with a single dad (4 kids) I knew his life was complicated. He already had children from previous relationships, and I chose to love him anyway because I believed people deserved a chance.

I stayed through everything. Financial struggles, family problems, endless duty hours.. I was there.

There were times he couldn’t even afford child support. I was still a student, yet I borrowed money from my own mother just so he wouldn’t have to worry about it.

When family conflicts left him without a place to stay, I let him live in my condo completely rent-free. I never asked him for a single peso because I wanted every bit of his salary to go to his children.

I wasn’t just there for the happy moments. I was there for the in between the difficult days, the uncertainty, the rebuilding, and the quiet moments when life wasn’t easy. I chose to stand by him when he had little to offer because I believed that love meant showing up, especially when it was hardest.

I truly believed we were building a future together.

Then I became pregnant.

At around four weeks, I suffered a miscarriage.

While I was bleeding and rushing to the hospital, I went through it mostly alone. Looking back, I felt abandoned during one of the darkest moments of my life.

After that, I was diagnosed with depression. Every consultation, every medication, every bill—I handled it all on my own.

Despite everything, I stayed.

Years went by. He finished residency, became a consultant, and his career flourished. His family’s businesses also became successful. Seeing him succeed made me genuinely happy because I believed we had survived the hardest years together.

I never cared about luxury. I would’ve chosen our broke days, sharing kowloon after duty, over expensive restaurants if it meant we were truly building a life together. Life was easy— before.

But somewhere along the way, I realized I was always giving while convincing myself it was enough.

His youngest child’s mother who had also been his junior in a public hospital continued trying to get him back. Their child became the center of everything. Every decision, every sacrifice, every excuse seemed to revolve around keeping that relationship with his child intact.

Three years together.

No engagement.

No plans for the future.

Not even a single photo of us on social media because, according to him, it might affect his relationship with his youngest child.

Recently, I experienced another pregnancy loss—a chemical pregnancy.

And once again, during the moment I needed him the most, he wasn’t there.

He was out on a family day with his favorite child (the youngest) while I was grieving another loss.

It took losing two pregnancies for me to finally realize that love should never require abandoning yourself.

Maybe it was that I kept believing someone who repeatedly showed me where I stood in his priorities.