For context, I'm 34F, divorced about a year ago, one 7-year-old son. During the school week he's with me, and the everyday costs are mine to figure out. Rent, Hort fees (around €130 a month), groceries, gas, packed lunches, and the €15 Ausflug permission slip that appears from the backpack at 9pm.

I can cover the fixed stuff. It's the constant little things that catch me off guard. €10 here, €22 there, new shoes because his toes hit the front overnight, and I'm standing in the Drogerie doing math in my head over shampoo.

I'm not asking for pity or money. I just want to get better at planning for all the small stuff that never feels small when it adds up.

I grew up as the kid whose jeans were always too short and whose backpack was held together by hope. I remember pretending I didn't care. So when my son says "Mama, alle haben die" about some shoes or a water bottle, it hits a nerve he doesn't even know about. He's not being bratty. He's a sweet kid. It just takes me back.

I already do the basics. Meal plan, keep a running list on my phone, buy the next size up at H&M or KiK when I spot something cheap. Library afternoons, playground days, movie nights on the couch. Saying no in the toy aisle more than I'd like.

For stuff like socks, basics, and school supplies, I usually check tiktok power deals for a quick price drop before I order, and if there's a sale running somewhere I'll stock up so I'm not paying full price every single time. It's small savings but over a month it adds up.

Still, every month feels like picking what gets handled first. Clothes, haircut (€18 every six weeks), Vereinsbeitrag for Fußball (€12 a month), class birthday gifts, the lunchbox that smells no matter how much I scrub it.

How do you all handle the ongoing kid costs without stressing every time? Separate kid budget? Sinking fund? Secondhand rules? Or do you just ride out the tight months and reset next payday?

full time single dad, one kid, shes 5. no co parent in the picture, its just me.

im not really venting, i think im genuinely asking. how do you deal with the yard.

when i mow i either have to do it during her nap, which is the only 40 minutes i get to sit down all day, or i do it while shes out there and i spend the whole time watching her instead of the mower. neither one works great. last week she wandered toward the street while i had my back turned for ten seconds and my stomach dropped.

i looked into hiring someone and its like 40 a week around here. i cant really justify that on one income, thats groceries. but the grass grows whether im tired or not.

i know its a small thing compared to what a lot of you are carrying. it just feels like one more thing thats all on me with no one to hand it to for an hour.

so honestly, whats your system. do you pay someone, do it at night, let it grow, something else i havent thought of. im open to anything.

SPECIAL NOTE: Special thanks to all of you who read this the last time, posting it here for those who may have missed it.

My intention here is to share the example of my own mother, who is now in her early 50s and still fighting on, who battled many challenges from birth until now. Before moving to this part, would like to start with the lowest point of her life.

My mom restarted her life both career and financially 13 years ago at 39, where she started as a Single Mother raising up two young kids, I was 5 and my elder sister was 9. She was totally broke financially with nothing to her name and just the flat which she fought so hard to retain back full ownership as she was so worried about losing her only source of security during that time, a roof over her head. She went through every single obstacle the past 10+ years with no one. She just solo tanked every single thing

The reason why I said it, is because my mom was abandoned at 13 years old with totally no family support as her whole family migrated overseas and left her here, to fend for herself with no start nor family support. She had no one either and she never had the chance to further her education. She only has only a Primary School educational qualification to her name. Plus her childhood was a literal torture too and she came from extreme poverty.

She started Selling Food at a Food Court at just 13 years old, working 10+ hours before moving onto other jobs like Retail and more etc.

She slowly worked her way in her 20s going from entry level office roles, to senior level positions and even founded a small business in her 30s which was pretty successful. She never let her circumstances nor educational qualifications control her life direction at all.

So, the scenario 13 years ago was a literal shock to her and the family. Instead of being some people and single moms who gave up totally and ask the kids to fend for herself. She stood up and said she is willing to restart from 0 all over again regardless.

She started doing nightlife work and income was low too for the first few years because of family circumstances and it was hard for her to find a full time job too. But she never gave up and continued pressing on, working 10+ hours, relying on 2 hours of sleep daily. Plus, people looked down on her, saying that she will never see any light at the end of the tunnel regardless if how hard she worked and slog.

It was until during COVID 6 years ago where she received an offer to work for a pretty big company in the Medical Industry and that was really the breakthrough. She started as a entry level employee but progressed on to a Management position where she is now, being a Head Of Department for her own department which she had the opportunity to build up from nothing at a small start up.

Although its only 13 years but the amount of things she has gone through is really what people don't understand unless they read her full life story.

She may be in her 50s but she has always told me and my elder sister, this is only the start and she will continue to fight on and find ways to further improve herself, whether its finding more income streams or furthering her qualifications through flexible qualifications like online certs.

I am.writing this especially to single mothers and mothers or even the redditors moms out there, that every single adversity you face regardless of how old you are (e.g 20, 40, 60, 85 yrs old), always brings a new light and path to something even greater!

I was out with some friends of mine (a couple) and they started asking me how I managed to do it on my own,life must be so hard,dating must be so impossible,I must be struggling at work with work life balance,my child must be so traumatised from having an absent father yadda yadda.Worst part is they weren’t even trying to be mean but I really really hate it when people say this kinda stuff to me.I literally unfriended someone who was constantly telling me she doesn’t understand how I could do it and why I don’t look depressed.And that if it were her she wouldn’t know what to do if she were on her own and she would take out her stress on the kids.I know people are trying to be supportive I guess but I have such a negative reaction to this kinda topic.Anyway I just needed to let it out coz I was stewing all day and just said that it’s by the grace of God that I managed and I do my best blah blah.I hope you had a better day than me 😊✨

Ive just started working my first job with regular hours since having my daughter. Ive never been a huge cook to begin with but I just do not actually COOK any food now. We get up at 6:30 and get ready, I bring her to camp, I go to work, and I work until 4 or 5. I pick her up from camp and we go home, I make her something quick in the air fryer and half the time I dont even eat. Then we do a shower and everything for bed time and she goes to bed then I clean out our lunch bags and get out clothes and food ready for the next day. How tf are parents working a full time job and cooking like home made meals?! Its just my 5, almost 6 year old daughter, and myself and I dont eat meat. Luckily she is a very good eater and will eat just about anything I cook/eat but I find it difficult to cook for just the two of us in general.

My partner of six years and I are splitting up. He helped me raise my six year old daughter from the time she was two. He is the only father she has ever known. Unfortunately this split means going across the country for us and likely never seeing him again.

There has been DV issues and I’m finally saying enough is enough but my daughter is really struggling with the idea of losing her friends, her dad, and the house. She has said things like “I’ll become a ghost and sit here and do nothing.” “I’ll drown myself in the tub.” “I don’t want to lose our family.” She is trying to ask her dad if we can stay and work on the family.

I know we need to leave. She’s seen so much bad.
How do I help her cope with the transition. She’s terrified of our life being worse without him and without the dual income household.

What can I do? It makes my resolve want to break.

Hello everyone I’m a single father with 2 kids. I’m facing eviction in about a week. I have been trying to find a place with my kids, but because I’m on odsp and have bad credit( thanks to my previous partner) I’m now struggling with finding a place. I have hsf that will pay my first and last months rent, also my current odsp is 1800+ so I can afford a two bedroom 1800 and less. I have exhausted every single resource I have available to me and still I haven’t been able to find anything. I was currently staying with my father, but my father has passed away and now I need to leave the place. He went to court and got an eviction notice and I have a week till the sheriff shows up. I have called housing help centres, odsp, central intake, woodgreen community centres etc. I have gotten to the point now where maybe this amazing community may be able to help me and my kids. They’re both teenagers and very respectful( close to the age of moving out on their own). If anyone in this community can help me I would like to thank you before hand. I’m located in the Toronto Ontario area, but I’m ok with relocating anywhere as long as my kids have a roof over their head. Thank you!

So my child m6 informed me that his friends group (mainly one child) is playing a game where they dig into but holes like a but hole chase.

I just emailed the principal regarding how it’s inappropriate I understand boys will find this silly and funny However I’m trying to teach my boy consent body boundaries private areas ect

Honestly the primary parent has the most awkward situations to deal with his father is like report it now I have to face the school and be like yep it’s me who’s annoyed other kids don’t understand that it’s not ok to grab and dig at others bum holes….

Wtf has my life come to… would you email the principal my SIL thinks I’m being dramatic his father who hardly sees him says repot asap my SIL has girls to me it’s important I teach respect boundaries consent and if mine sees others doing it he will be like why don’t others respect others body’s

What a conversation…. FML as the youngsters would say

I have 2 boys, 10 and 11. Their father and I have been separated for two years and he's been completely out of the picture since, no support of any kind. He was deported last year so he's out of the picture until time unknown. We were together for 12 years, and to sum it all up into 1 sentence:

I had to start over with nothing but my car, but my boys and I have been living much more peacefully in our own place for 8 months. I'm even enrolled in college. (Oops that was 2)

I put my boys into counseling in school after we found out he was deported. My 10 year old is in a short term basketball program, my 11 year old played soccer but was not interested this year. He's into chess and logical games, we go to the library sometimes and they host game parties.

I want to add that in general, they are doing good. Good grades, they have friends, they are still interested in everything they always have been. They have random days though where they let me know they're missing their dad or something will trigger them to get upset about him. He had a distant relationship with our boys when we all lived together, but in the same breath, I realize what the full time absence can to do a child. That's why I'm here-

Any advice, ideas, things that have worked for your family and your kids would be greatly appreciated if you shared. Even just your own story would be nice to hear. I want to support my babies as much as I can, especially as they approach their teen years and new emotions will surely arise. Abandonment fucked me up as a kid and I did not get the help I needed at their ages so I can't really pull from my own experience.

Hello, I am a recently, as of about a month ago, single dad who has full custody of my children because my ex-wife had some serious psychological issues, and some super crazy anti-VAX ideology that somehow got into her, and left us returning to her home country.

I work full-time as a professor, which means I have a lot of work from home time and I can do a lot of my work at night if I need to. I have two boys and 11 and 16-year-old.

For the past two years, I have been doing most of the cooking and a lot of the cleaning. I love doing the laundry and washing dishes is rather pleasant. However, my wife, when I always kind of split home chores 50-50. However, there are some things that she always did. Safe for instance, the lint catcher in the dryer, something which I know if you ignore and literally burn down your house. The problem is that I don’t know all the little things that she did. I already have alarms set to empty the lint cleaner, but I am worried there might be other little things that I am missing. I clean on the bathrooms once a week. Make sure you wash sheets and towels regularly. Got a more fancy robot vacuum which I use every 2 to 3 days because we have a little dog. But I am just wondering if I am missing little things that I should be checking or doing. I guess this is probably an impossible to answer questions since you don’t know all the tiny little things I do. I was just wondering if people had good advice for maintaining a clean and happy household.

I involve my kids and they have chores to do. And thanks for showing my older son The TV show the bear a couple years ago. He loves cooking. I work in education, so I am good on keeping track of their schoolwork, and some of their teachers are actually my ex students. We’re gonna start the new school year, so I’m sure that will present a unique challenge, though I was usually the one to maintain contact with the teachers because my ex-wife’s native language was not English. I also wanna be sure to expose them to Japanese culture more since they are half Japanese. I lived there about eight years and speak language quite well and have a good understanding of the culture, but where we live in the crazy state of Florida there’s not much opportunity for them to meet Japanese folk.

I guess I’m just gonna go into the great unknown here and looking for any tips People might be able to offer. Again for me realizing that I had to empty the dryer lint and then if I didn’t, it would burn down the house was quite the shock so I’m hoping I’m not missing anything big like that. Thank you so much in advance.

After 5 years, my ex wants 50:50. We get along well. I’m not mad or fighting it but I am heartbroken. I am keeping that to myself.
How long does it take to adjust to the new schedule? The one night a week and every other weekend felt hard sometimes and I’m drowning in tears right now imagining her gone more. The house is so quiet when she isn’t here. I don’t want to start a new family without her or get married and have a man in her home. She’s 5 and we’re best friends. I am in tears off and on all day. How long till I feel ok again? Is therapy worth it or is it just time?

I’m very likely soon to be a single mom and my daughter is about to lose the only father she’s ever had. Her stepfather and I are separating. Father is no contact and never has had any. How do I help her with this transition?

We’re moving from the place we’ve been for a year, to a new place with my family. We’ll have my uncle and cousins for support and help but effectively we’re alone.

I don’t know how I’m gonna afford it. I don’t get child support, I don’t get anything that way but some government money (it goes by income and is available to everyone so please no rude comments about it) but beyond that I’m scared.

I know we need this. My daughter had witnessed DV and the worst kind of alcohol abuse over this last year and I am scared. My partner changed a lot in six years and he’s no longer the man we remember.

So i’m a single mother to a little girl who is 3 next month and a 9 month old baby. I have been a single mother since my youngest was 7 weeks old and i have of course found it hard but much easier than when i was doing it with an incompetent man child to look after at the same time.

Lately my oldest is draining the life right out of me. From morning to night she is moaning and shouting and crying about every and all minor things to the point now i can’t even keep my cool at all, Im snappy, moody and constantly overstimulated. This happens from before i’ve even opened my eyes in the morning and it’s making me absolutely despise being a mother. I ignore the tantrums and give no attention positive or negative, but i find myself giving into whatever she wants just to get her to shut up because my head feels like it will explode.

I see posts all the time on tik tok etc about how mums hate splitting time with the father and then just wait for them to come home but atm that’s the only time i feel any relief and comfort and i feel like the worst mum ever for feeling that way. they go to their dads every other weekend just for reference

I’ve never posted something this personal before, but I’m at a point where I genuinely don’t know what to do. 28Female.

I grew up in an abusive home. I spent my childhood watching my dad beat my mom, and I promised myself I would never end up in that kind of relationship. Then I moved out with the man I’ve now been with for 10 years.

We have a 2-year-old son together. For years, my partner has struggled with a gambling addiction. I truly believed becoming a father would change him. It did for a little while, but now things are worse than they’ve ever been.

He gambles, cheats on me, verbally abuses me, hits me, pushes me in front of our toddler, and contributes almost nothing financially anymore.

I work full-time and drive 2 hrs to work because living closer is too expensive. Everything our son needed went on my credit cards, so I’m now in debt trying to provide for him.

The lease is in my name because of his bad credit. Both cars are in my name. The bills are in my name. Childcare is on me. Rent is on me. Everything is on me.

He owns a business with a partner, but he isn’t listed legally under the business. He told me he did that so i cant ever get him to pay child support. He also personally owes me money outside of household expenses and keeps promising he’ll pay me back, but months have gone by with nothing. I’m literally paying for him to live here while he cheats on me.

I’ve asked him calmly to leave. He refuses. I packed his belongings neatly and put them in the garage, and he immediately tried to accuse me of damaging or throwing away his property.

I have messages where he threatened to kill me. I’ve avoided calling the police more times than I can count because I kept hoping we could separate peacefully. I wanted our son to still have a relationship with his father, get child support, and keep things as civil as possible.

I’ve also been terrified to file for a restraining order. I’m embarrassed because I work in finance, and I’m honestly scared of making things worse. He’s told me that if I ever got a restraining order, he’d never pay me back, I’d “never get a dime” for our son, and he’d make sure someone “comes for me.” He’s an incredibly petty person, and I’m genuinely afraid he’ll have friends damage my property or retaliate somehow.

I feel like I’m living in a nightmare.

This is the only man I’ve ever loved or been with. I found out he was cheating because he handed his phone to our toddler to watch YouTube, and I happened to see everything.

I don’t really have family or friends to lean on. My mom is no longer here, and my dad is an alcoholic who’s struggling himself.

I will probably take tomorrow off and go get the restraining order. But my biggest fear is what happens after.

I honestly don’t know how I’ll survive financially until everything gets sorted out. I’m scared emotionally, too. I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold myself together for my son while carrying all of this alone. I feel like I’m constantly in survival mode, and I’m terrified I’m going to completely break down. I haven’t even had the chance to grieve everything that’s happened because I’m too busy trying to make it through each day.

Enough explaining. I really just need advice. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I’m a single mother to 4 kids (3 at home). I work full time and I’m lucky that the kids are not little anymore, but I get hardly any help from the dad. He is $14k behind in child support payments and I am basically anti-social and it’s very hard for me to ask for help with anything. So I do everything myself. I am at the point where I will need to start working on Saturdays also. That’s not the problem. The problem is creating the energy to do other things like clearing out the weeds in the backyard and building house furniture, etc. one person can only do so much and I’m just about to lose my mind. How does everyone handle this??

Leaving abusive husband. 40F with 2 kids (6F and 0M).

Very scared of how we’re going to make it financially. I’ve run the budget with just my income and it’s very tight. No money for any extras like takeout food. I’m also not indigent enough for a lot of government and housing benefits available to DV survivors.

How do you guys hustle if you need $200 to make rent? I’m in a HCOL area and worry I might be short some months. I can’t do gig work due to a fucking DUI from a million years ago.

Any tips for surviving as a single mom would be appreciated. I stayed with my husband for a long time because our lives were more comfortable with a double income. But I can’t take his toxicity any longer. I know leaving him is the right choice, and I know my children will thank me for my bravery someday, but my lifestyle is about to change dramatically.

TIA for any kind or helpful words.

​

If you are in the middle of a custody nightmare, feeling like you are hitting a brick wall, bleeding money, and losing your mind—take a breath. I’m writing this because I’ve been in the trenches for five years, and I know exactly what it feels like when the system seems rigged to break you.

Here is my story, and more importantly, how you keep the ball rolling when you feel like you can’t take another hit.

The Catalyst: Becoming the Shield (2021)

My fight didn’t start over a disagreement; it started over survival. Five years ago, I was awarded primary custody after a severe safety crisis where a firearm was pulled on me in the other parent's environment. In that moment, I realized I was the only true shield my kids had. If you are stepping up to protect your kids from a dangerous environment, understand right now that the conflict will not end overnight. You have to commit to the long haul.

The Financial Drain & Retaliation

When you hold the line, the other side will often try to break you financially. I experienced this on two fronts: the total refusal of the other parent to pay court-ordered child support, while simultaneously filing baseless, retaliatory protective orders against me just to cause chaos.

I had to completely drain and liquidate my entire life savings and retirement assets just to afford the legal defense to keep my kids safe. If you hit this wall: Do not let the financial terror make you surrender. Money can be rebuilt; your kids' childhoods cannot. Document the financial abuse, keep pushing forward, and rely on the truth of your record.

The Nightmare Scenario: Disclosures & Emergency Action (Early This Year)

Earlier this year, the absolute hardest moment of my life as a parent happened. My child bravely made severe, explicit disclosures about physical and sexual boundary violations by an adult in the other parent’s circle. We went straight into emergency medical and forensic care.

As a parent, your only job is to protect. I immediately refused to send my kids back into that environment while we waited for the court to sort it out. The other side’s response? They didn’t try to protect the kids—they filed a contempt motion against me for "withholding" them.

If you hit this wall: When your kids' safety is on the line, you act. You do not wait for the dust to settle. You get the medical professionals involved, you notify the authorities, and you use the court to file for emergency hearings. Let the other side throw their tantrums; your job is to keep the door locked and the kids safe.

The Daily Grind: Boundaries and Safe Zones (Today)

Eventually, the court stepped in and mandated a temporary order for safety, requiring all of our custody exchanges to happen at a State Police barracks.

But the friction doesn’t stop. Even for brief, five-hour visits, I still deal with manufactured crises—the other parent claiming vehicle issues, demanding we change the drop-off location, or throwing text-message tantrums when I refuse to break the court's rules.

How to Keep the Ball Rolling

If you are exhausted, here is how you survive it:

Be a Ghost: Treat every communication like a business transaction. When they manufacture a crisis, offer a calm, logical solution. When they get hostile, do not take the bait. Let them document their own instability in black and white.

Follow the Blueprint: If you have a court order, follow it to the letter. Do not bend the rules for their convenience, especially when it comes to safe exchange zones.

Document Everything: Every missed payment, every late arrival, every hostile text. Keep it organized.

Protect Your Peace: You are the anchor. Your kids need to see one parent who doesn't feed into the chaos.

It is a grueling, exhausting fight. You will lose sleep, and you will lose money. But when you look at your kids and know they are safe under your roof, you’ll know every single second of the grind was worth it. Keep fighting.

I think I just need to vent, but I'd also genuinely like some advice.

For the first time in my life at 36, I'm living on my own as a single mom. The last 5 years have honestly been absolute chaos. I've left what feels like an endless cycle of toxic relationships, fought through parental alienation to regain custody of my daughter after her father tried to send her into foster care, and now I'm navigating the loss of him after he passed away from cancer. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I answered a Craigslist job ad that unexpectedly turned out to be my dream job.

For the first time, I can actually afford to live on my own without constantly struggling, and I'm really proud of that.

The truth is, I don't want another relationship right now. I just want to be alone with my child. I want us to enjoy our own space. I want to build a home that feels peaceful, safe, and secure because those are things we've both been missing for far too many years.

Now I'm in this weird stage where I'm rebuilding everything from scratch, and it's the little things that are driving me crazy.

I live in New Jersey and rely on public transportation. I purposely moved to the city where I work to keep my expenses down, but not having my license makes everything harder. Years ago, an ex was driving a car I bought with my tax refund. He racked up tickets, totaled it, and I didn't even find out my license had been suspended until years later when I finally tried to get it. Every time I feel like I'm getting ahead, another logistical hurdle pops up.

Right now, it's furniture.

I keep finding free couches on facebook marketplace and thinking, yesss then I remember...I have no way to pick them up.

For half a second my brain goes, "Well...my ex has a truck."

Then I remember our last physical interaction ended with him biting my finger...and that wasn't even the first time he got physical.

So obviously that's not an option.

I know this probably sounds like such a small problem compared to everything else, but it's frustrating to finally be in a healthy place and have something as simple as transportation keep getting in the way of creating the peaceful home for my daughter and I we desperately deserve.

For anyone who's rebuilt their life from scratch, especially without a car or much of a support system, how did you do it? Were there resources, ideas, or even mindset shifts that helped? I'm determined to keep moving forward...I just feel stuck here.

My friend asked me to post this because she doesn't use Reddit, and she's looking for honest advice.

She had a C-section 5 months ago. The day her boyfriend (the baby's father) brought her and the baby home from the hospital, he left and didn't stay the night. Since then, he has never spent a single night with them.

For context, they don't even live together.

Their baby is now 5 months old. He usually sees the baby for about 30 minutes a day at most, but he's never stayed overnight, never gotten up for nighttime care, and has never changed a diaper. My friend has done every feeding, diaper change, night waking, doctor's appointment, and pretty much every aspect of raising their baby completely on her own while recovering from major surgery.

He pays her rent and says that because he's the breadwinner, that's how he provides. Whenever she brings up how absent he's been, he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and often holds the fact that he pays her rent over her head.

She's grateful for the financial help, but she doesn't feel like she has a true partner or someone who is actually helping raise their child.

She's exhausted and is starting to wonder if she's holding onto hope for something that isn't going to change.
If you were in her position, would you keep trying to make the relationship work, or would you move on? Has anyone been through something similar? Did things ever change, or did you realize this was just who they were?

EDIT: they don’t live together because he doesn’t want to yet he has his own house. He has a normal job and works normal hours. She also has a full time job. Child was not planned.

So before I ask for insight on my situation, I’ll preface with the facts: I am a 36 year-old single mom of a 12 and 14 year-old. I own my home and have been on my own for almost a decade with my kids. My boyfriend (40M) moved in this last December after a year and a half together, in hindsight this was not the right decision, but at the time he was about to move anyway, and we decided to try cohabitating to see how it goes. At first, it felt so good to finally not be on my own anymore & carrying the mental load all the time (except fast forward- I still am). He was helpful with the “manly” things around the house like building my kids new beds for Christmas, fixing some things, etc. etc. he’s great with my kids and they adore him so I chose to focus on his value in these areas.

He grew up very poor and was raised by a single mom so he is very inexperienced when it comes to the basics in life like maintaining a household and grocery shopping/cooking meals. However, I knew this about him and went into it with wishful thinking that he would take some interest in these things once he saw it as ‘his’ home too but that hasn’t happened.

On top of this, he’s only been able to really afford to cover the utilities which comes out to 1k a month which barely makes a dent in the bills here (the why is a different story I’m not getting into on this post) but I was ok with it initially because it’s “my” house/mortgage and we’re not married, and I assumed he would contribute more in others ways.

At this point I feel worse than when I was alone. I’m still doing everything on my own- working, paying the bills, doing all the cleaning & managing the household, all the grocery shopping/cooking etc. he’s literally only done the dishes maybe 4x since being here. I try to cook dinner 4-5x a week since he moved in and cook bigger quantities to feed him now too, and though my kids will help with dishes/cleaning too, it feels deflating that he allows me to cook everyone dinner and barely helps with any of it. He only eats on paper plates/plastic utensils and he eats a lot of his meals out so I know in his mind, he is taking care of himself and figures I was already doing these things anyway. Since it’s my house & my kids to feed.. a part of me agrees with this but I can’t shake this growing resentment that I feel alone in everything but now I have an added person I gotta move around in my home.

I expressed these things a few times and he started learning to cook a few things and was handling dinners on Monday night lol, but that’s dropped off. He’s the type that will do anything I ask, he really is a good man despite these frustrations, but I’m the kinda person that if I already asked you to do something or told you a need of mine, I’m not going to keep telling you. It’s no longer helpful to me if I’m constantly delegating or pressuring you to do something you clearly don’t want to.

Now after just 8 months, I asked him to move out and I feel TERRIBLE about it. But this resentment I’m already feeling is like déjà vu of what I went through in my marriage. I carried the mental load for everyone, managed and took care of the house and finances, the kids & worked. It did me in and was easier becoming a single mom honestly.
But that’s where I’m looking for advice/insight.
Are my expectations off? Am I bringing my past resentment to my current relationship? These are not his kids and not technically his house, so a part of me thinks I shouldn’t feel like he’s responsible for any of it the same way my ex husband/kids dad should have been.
Can anyone relate as a single parent who has moved a childless partner into their space- what did you expect of them exactly? When it’s YOUR house, YOUR kids, do you expect them to take part in cleaning the home? In buying groceries and cooking? Or do you see that as your responsibility since technically, it is ?

Basically title. I’m just here to vent more than anything. I (26F) moved back to my moms just before 2025. It’s my mom (62F) sister (31F) and her 3 daughters (5F, 4F, 13F). My mom is very much a textbook definition of “girl mom” and I think I naturally sway as the textbook definition of “boy mom” l believe crazy kids are happy kids. Freedom of expression is just so important and I genuinely feel like it’s not allowed in my house.

My son (6M) riles up and my mom gets so upset about it. She’s very reactive too, it’s not just a normal “oh he has a lot of energy let’s tone it down” she like gets panicky and it makes me panicky, i just hate it man. Her furniture is delicate, as she is into the finer material things. I don’t know, for example- I don’t mind bouncing/tossing a ball back n forth inside but while we use our common sense. (Not in the kitchen, not around food or anything that’ll break etc) but my
Mom doesn’t. Of course thats ok and a very common rule, but it’s just … everything sometimes. She criticizes the way I parent. she gets after him for absolutely anything. Too loud, making silly “weird” noises, anything and quite literally everything. etc. and her rules or expectations are inconsistent, they only apply if she’s in the mood for them to apply. Or they don’t apply if it hinders her. There’s also days she’s polar opposite, and she’ll be in a GREAT mood. She’ll poke and tease at my son and if he’s not in the mood, she gets offended and playfully continues to poke fun. And every single thing anyone does I feel like she has an opinion or reaction to. She is incredibly driven by emotion, and she is incredibly reactive. She texts me 4-6 paragraphs if I do something out of line (it’s nothing out of line.. she just decided that day that it was.) it feels slightly like we’re in a bubble. The bubble is our bedroom. I feel that way moreso than my son. It’s making me constantly irritated and I am constantly depressed or mad.
It only really bothers me to this extent because I’ve noticed my son will begin acting out just a littttle more those weeks or days my mom is having a day where’d she’s more on him than normal. And the inconsistency with the harsh expectations to just know what her rules are that day is extremely frustrating for him I can tell. He won’t flat out say that or understands but he gets testy the rest of the day.

I try not to subject my son to my own childhood experiences, but my mom was STRICT as we grew up and I think I became a sneaky child and a rebellious teenager because of it. To this day I sadly don’t confide in my mom for absolutely anything. Because she’s scared of literally everything and never believes we’ll amount to whatever goals we have. And if I’m wrong, she at least doesn’t support or seem to care about whatever goals or interests we may have. My mom is slightly on the selfish side in a way, and she only is interested if it pertains her and whatever she has going on. For example I went back to school this year to get a hopefully more stable job, and she has a huge party happening the week after I graduate (this upcoming Thursday). She didn’t even know when I graduated for the longest. And she gets mad at me that I’m not helping her with the party when I’ve been playing catch up in school so I’ll pass. Man.
It’s just difficult sometimes. And i genuinely wish I handled it all better or at least had a better perspective on the situation overall. I don’t know I just needed to vent and I wish I didn’t feel so alone in these feelings.

My sons dad has never met him/asked anything about him since I was 3 months pregnant (he didn’t want to be a dad and wanted me to get an abortion, to which I said he didn’t have to be involved and I would never ask for anything from him e.g finically, which I have stuck to) and my son is now 2.5, but out of the blue he messaged me this week saying:
‘Hello, it really shouldn't have taken me this long to message as it's all l've been thinking about.
Looking back I clearly wasn't man enough or mature enough to handle the consequences of my own actions, I let negative emotions get in the way when I should have been thinking about the bigger picture. I'll never be able to forgive myself for that. I'm hoping you'll give me the chance to prove I can be a good dad. If you don't want to reply or speak to me I understand. If you'd be open to having a chat or even just hearing me out that would be much appreciated. Take all the time you need.’

What’s everyone’s experiences with this kind of situation? As I don’t know what to reply to him/if I even should, but I don’t want my son to blame me when he’s older for not replying and giving him a chance to know his father, and also don’t want to traumatise him if he disappears again

Single mom, widowed 8 months ago, kids are 2.5 and almost 5. My 2.5 year old screams all the time because she’s 2.5 and at the stage where she’s learning by demanding things then declaring “I no want it, I want the other one” and throwing a tantrum, and she does this nearly every minute. My 5 year old is on a waitlist to get diagnosed for ASD, has always coped by screaming or crying or whining at things instead of using words to ask, exacerbated by taking cues from the toddler’s phase of toddlerhood. Toddler is newly potty trained but hasn’t really got it with poop yet, older kid has encopresis which has been treated for over 2 years with limited improvement and gotten worse lately but nobody really wants to help because she’s traumatized due to the loss so we’re just expected to deal with 6 poop accidents daily. I’m also autistic, just began a new job, only working 4 days a week but haven’t been able to take a real day off in two weeks because of medical stuff for myself, our apartment is too small and we’re tripping over each other constantly, my family would help a little but since it’s summer they all need to be at vacation homes or travelling.

Two-year-old threw up in the night again, now I’m taking more unpaid time off work, can’t afford less work or letting my job down, and I look forward so much to dropping them off at childcare every morning so the screaming and whining stops for a bit but I won’t get another break until Monday at least now and how am I actually going to pay for life if I am taking several extra days off per month to take care of sick kids (never mind my sick self)? Is this ever going to get better

For those of you who were married to a control freak, what were some of the clauses you put in the coparenting arrangement document? (I don’t really know the exact name of these documents. Clearly.) since he is not an alcoholic or a drug addict or physically abusive there’s not really much I can do to get full custody.

My job is in SF, husband in DC. For the sake of our career, those are jobs we want.
So decisions were made to be long distance for 2 years.
Baby girl 2 years old right now. She will be with me.
Not gonna be long distance anymore after these 2 years.
For parent dad who has done that, is that a bad decision? any regret? tips? Did you feel it affect bonding? Or any side effects in general?