I read this sub more than I comment. Sometimes it is helpful. Sometimes it is heartbreaking. And sometimes I read the way people speak about the person they promised to love, and I have to close the app for a while.

My wife spent three weeks in the hospital this year. For a few days, nobody could tell me clearly what was going to happen. I went home to a house that still had her coffee mug by the sink, her book open on the couch, her sweater over the chair, and somehow all of those ordinary things felt unbearable.

I kept thinking about the stupid things we had argued about. The dishwasher. Her leaving cabinet doors open. Me forgetting to move laundry. Which family visit lasted too long. Who sounded annoyed first.

None of it mattered in that house without her voice in it. She is home now. She is recovering. We are tired, emotional, and still figuring things out, but she is here. I get to hear her complain about the pillows. I get to make her tea badly and be corrected. I get to sit beside her while she falls asleep halfway through a show. That feels like a privilege now.

I am not saying people should stay in cruel marriages. Some people need to leave, and they should. But there is a kind of casual contempt I see sometimes that makes me ache. People talking about their spouse like an inconvenience, a roommate, a failed employee, or someone they are keeping score against.

Marriage is not always romantic. Sometimes it is medication schedules, insurance calls, fear, bad sleep, and sitting in silence because neither of you has the energy to be inspiring. But if you have a good person beside you, please do not treat their presence like background noise. One day the coffee mug by the sink might be the thing that breaks you.

I am not writing this because we have a perfect marriage. We do not. I am writing it because I got close enough to losing my ordinary life to understand that ordinary was the miracle.

I (43M) have been married to my wife (43F) for 17 years, and we have two daughters (13F and 11F). About 8 years ago, my wife had a 1 month affair. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, but after a lot of counseling, transparency, and genuine remorse on her part, I decided to stay. To her credit, she has done everything I could have asked for to rebuild trust.

For the past few years , our marriage has honestly been really good. We go on dates, take family vacations, communicate well, and our sex life is active. From the outside, and honestly even from the inside most days, we have a happy marriage.

The problem is that I’ve been feeling extremely frustrated lately. My wife is the only woman I’ve ever been with. We started dating in middle school and have basically grown up together. Over the past few months, I’ve been getting this strong urge to know what it’s like to be with someone else. Not because I don’t love my wife, but because I feel like I never got to have experiences she already had.

A few weeks ago I asked if she’d ever consider opening the marriage. She was completely blindsided. She broke down crying pretty badly and said she didn’t want it. I apologized immediately and told her I wouldn’t bring it up again because I’m not interested in forcing her into something she’s uncomfortable with. She asked if I wanted to spice up our bedroom life and she’d be willing to try anything and I told her I’m happy with our bedroom life.

But the issue is that I want to experience someone else, it’s not about my wife. I’m questioning whether we’re even compatible anymore. I keep thinking about the fact that, whether she regrets it or not, she did get to experience someone else. She got to be intimate with another man. She says it was the biggest mistake of her life and wishes it never happened, and I believe her. But it still happened. She crossed that line, experienced something I’ll never be able to erase from my mind, while I’ve only ever been with one person. She did get to experience the thrill of being with someone else, someone new, even if she regretted it later. And yes, she did have his dick inside her multiple times, and I don’t think I’ll get over that mental image unless I’m intimate with someone else.

I sort of feel guilty for even thinking this way because we’ve rebuilt so much together. We have a beautiful life and two amazing daughters, and the last thing I want is to blow all of that up.

But I just think it’s fundamentally unfair that she got to explore outside the marriage, even under terrible circumstances, while I’m expected to never know what that’s like. The curiosity just won’t go away.

I’m not planning to cheat, and after seeing how devastated she was by the open marriage conversation, I won’t bring it up again. But I wonder if divorce is the only honest option if this feeling doesn’t go away. I am right now in the best shape of my life, both physically and mentally, and I don’t to waste it by being frustrated. Nothing is confirmed but I have started speaking to a divorce lawyer, just to see what my life would look like if I did divorce my wife.

Am I wrong for considering divorce?

My wife and I have been married for 22 years, and have known each other since the start of high school. We had a pretty active and normal sex life- few times a week, foreplay/different positions/different locations, etc…. As of the last four years, we are lucky to go at it once a week, sometimes every other week. Lately, I have noticed that we have sex the night before, she is masterbating the following morning when I head off to work.

I can’t tell if my ego is getting the worst of me, or she doesn’t want to admit she isn’t enjoying sex, or at least fully satisfied. I remember her really criticizing a friends relationship when she found out the friends boyfriend would go rub one out after their sexy time, and my wife thought it was completely disgusting and disrespectful. However, I kind of feel this is a similar scenario.

I have asked her point blank recently if she is satisfied sexually with our relationship and she is for the most part but has mentioned that she wants me to take control more. We recently had a night that was some of the best sex we ( at least I thought we) had in a while. I was telling her what to do, and it all seemed like she was into it. However the next morning, she seemed to get her self off on her own after I headed out the door.

Am I tripping over nothing, or is there something I should be concerned with and/or do to address this. All this time it feels like she is just going thru the motions, which makes me uninterested in initiating and I seemingly can’t enjoy sex like I use to.

Thoughts?

I (33F) recently made a friend group of other moms with kids my sons age (just turned 3). We had been doing Tuesday night dinners at one of their houses every week and its been great. It gets me and my son out of the house, he gets to socialize with other kids his age.

Well the friend that had been hosting is going through some stuff and hasn't been able to host anymore. This ended up with me and one of the other moms really hitting it off and talking a ton. We later found out she adopted my cousins daughter also which is an insane story. Anyway so they have come over a day out of the week for the last few weeks kind of randomly. My husband (40) is super quiet and kind of to himself and he likes to game after work. I was going to have them come over today because its going to be raining the rest of the week and he got all annoyed about it because apparently one of her kids kept asking him a lot of questions and he didn't like it (like about whatever game he was playing).

Now husband has stormed outside to let the dogs out talking about how hes the bad guy now because yeah it kind of upset me how irritated he sounded when I asked him if it was OK they come over and the kids can play outside for a while. Ive now let my friend know today isn't a good day but it just doesnt feel good at all. I dont know what im looking for here, im just sad and frustrated that it feels like I cant comfortably have a friend over without it upsetting him. Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble and thanks for reading if you did 😅

We’ve been together since 2017. Married in 2020. Last year after playing tennis one night, I was taunting him about all of the games I beat him in. As I was taunting him, he starting sounding out the word “Nnnnnnnnn….” and before I finished my sentence he said it. “N***ER”. He called me the n word with a hard r. I’m Afro Latina (Zoe Saldana-ish) and he is Asian.

He’s never been racist. In fact, it wasn’t until last year that I noticed he started showing signs of racism. I don’t know why I’m having a delayed response to this… maybe it’s because I’ve been putting patterns together.

In a group chat, some of our friends shared pictures of a neighborhood with Halloween decor and they said it was a beautiful and safe neighborhood. He replied “that’s because there are no (ninja emoji)”. Nobody responded to that and I had a stern talk with him about it.

Years ago (while married) when i talked about what are future kids might look like, I said what If they are pale like you and he said “let’s hope”.

These are things you just don’t forget.

2 weeks ago while watching FIFA I said “wow France definitely looks like France”. And he said “what do you mean babe there’s a black guy in the other team too haha”. And I told him “not everything is about race, I was talking about the uniforms”.

He noticed I was very bothered by that and kind of put his shoulders down in shame once the game was over 2 hours later.

I just have a major ick. I feel like he is regressing. He has exhibited other red flags such as major corn addiction. And hint hint. Everyone is Asian or blonde.

First, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. I read far more responses than I could reply to, and while some were hard to read, I appreciate everyone who took the time to share their thoughts.

My husband came home so we could finally sit down and talk face to face. He was extremely apologetic from the moment we started talking. He kept saying how sorry he was and that he doesn't want to lose me.

His explanation hasn't really changed. He said he was far too drunk and genuinely believed he was dancing with me. He admitted he rarely drinks hard liquor, said he overdid it that night, and kept repeating that I know him and that this isn't who he is. I told him that was hard for me to believe considering he kissed my cousin and touched her on the dance floor in front of everyone.

He answered every question I asked. He handed me his phone without hesitation and let me look through everything. I didn't find any messages between him and my cousin or anything that suggested there had been an ongoing affair. Since leaving after everything happened, he has also been sharing his location with me, and as far as I can tell he's only been at work or at his parents' house. As far as I know, he has never communicated with my cousin outside of the times we've all been together as a family.

We talked for about an hour. He accepted responsibility, apologized over and over, and said he knows he broke my trust. He said he'll do whatever it takes to rebuild it if I give him the chance.

The problem is that I'm still torn.

Part of me wants to believe him. Part of me wants to believe this was a horrible drunken mistake, forgive him, and try to move forward with our marriage.

The other part of me keeps replaying what I saw at the wedding. I can't get the image out of my head. I worry that if I forgive him too easily, I'll end up looking like a fool if there was more to it than he's admitting.

I still feel incredibly lost. I love my husband, but my trust has been shaken in a way I never imagined. I don't know if I'm being too hopeful or too skeptical.

For those of you who have been through something similar, how did you decide whether it was a one-time mistake that could be worked through, or a sign that the relationship couldn't recover?

So I have a pot roast recipe passed down from my best friend's Nana. It was the best pot roast I ever had and her grandmother loved me so much she'd call me her black grandchild (she was Scottish). So she gave me the recipe. I have cooked pot roast like that ever since. Problem is, my husband thinks it's the best pot roast ever too. There's never leftovers and he eats 80 percent of it. And somehow he's the skinny one to add insult to injury. This man. Smh.

Me 33M and my wife 33F have been married for close to 5 years. 2 kids 4 and 2 and we’re a happy family. I work she stays at home with the kids it works.

When it comes to sex we have a decent sex life it’s about the same everytime which I’m okay with but she never goes down on me anymore. I give her oral almost everytime because I love it.

Curious if anyone has dealt with this or knows why?

When I try to bring it up she gets uncomfortable and dodges the question.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years married for 1 and i think I’ve made a mistake. I stayed because he was the “nice guy” and is always actively making me feel loved, safe, and cared for.
However The sex was never great, but I felt very comfortable with him after the first time we had sex. So I stayed. I’ve always been the girl who didn’t want cuddles or to stay over. I’d be out the door or kicking guys out after sex, but I didn’t get that urge with him. I actually wanted him to stay. I felt comfortable being nude with him and I hadn’t experienced that before.
Now at year 5 I’m over the bad sex. He jumps straight into things without foreplay and needs me to spell out what I want him to do to me to get me turned on. Lube has been a main event and I’ve blamed it on hormones, bc, being tired, etc. and it’s none of those. He just doesn’t turn me on. We have sex in the exact same way every single time. I’ve started avoiding sex because I’m bored of it. I don’t want to keep telling him how to touch my body and to slow down. That I need more time to warm up. He jack hammer finger me and will rub my clit while dry (ouch) and I keep having to tell him to stop, which kills the mood. He says he doesn’t know what to do cause none of his “moves” work on me. It’s been years and I’m over it. I keep hoping it’ll get better but doesn’t.
Sex is one area I don’t want to have to teach him. I miss the way my other partners would just explore my body and we’d find out our turn ons. I miss not having to spell out sex. So I’ve been avoiding it. He thinks I have a low sex drive but it’s quite the opposite. I’d go 3 times a day with other partners and with him I just don’t want to put in the effort for bad sex.
Not sure what advice can help besides divorce? Open relationship? Sex therapist? I’m at my wits end being sexually unsatisfied.

Actually I'm not really sure how all this happened.

Two years ago we were on the brink of divorce, with all the resentment, constant fights, weeks long not talking to each other, lack of any positive sides in the marriage and actually planning moving out.

Now, it's the complete opposite, it's just like it was when we first met, along with all the chemistry. I can't stop thinking about her, I'd do anything for her now and don't even see other women as attractive at all. And it's like that since last summer, so it's 12 months now. And of course it's not just me, her feelings also changed, she started loosing weight and looks fantastic now. We're nice and kind to each other, there's passion and desire. There's love.

And the thing is I don't really know how all of this happened, how is this possible? Last spring, when it was really bad and I was thinking about the divorce, I decided that I don't really want anything bad for her and the reason was she was the mother of my kids and hurting her (for example fighting too hard for finances during the divorce) would hurt the person my kids love the most, and I didn't want to hurt my children in any way. But then I realized that this was not completely true and I was just justifying in my head. I realized I didn't want anything bad for her not only because of the kids but because I just still cared for her herself. From that moment I tried to be a bit more nice to her and fix things between us. She also changed. And then everything started to improve between us and *fast*. I wasn't expecting what happened at all. How is this possible that all the previous attempts, over many years, to fix the marriage, were almost pointless, giving not lasting results and actually the fighting becoming worse and worse over the years, and this time it just clicked? I'm worried that when I don't understand how this happened we could loose what we have now.

I haven't met many happy married couple or couple that love each other after a long married life. Happy couples are so rare and its seems like no marriage goes well.

But I'm also thinking maybe its because we don't hear many happy couples stories because they don't have a chance to share their story or feels like boosting if they share happiness of marriage.

If there are any happy married coupple who had been married for a long time and still happy and love each other, please share it and tell us why you love your partner and what do you think is the secret of the happy marriage.

Me and my wife have been married for 7 years and i'm starting to feel trapped as I'm feeling I want out. As our relationship continues I feel more that I'm just co-parenting with a housemate rather than a wife or even a friend.

For some back story, I am not lazy. I work a pretty solid job and am always doing my part. I love spending time with the kids and always ensure I am there for pick ups and drop offs. I do all the shopping for us, meal prep and cook each meal, each night.

Now my issue:

90% the time she is borderline rude to me and does not treat me like a parter. If I stop doing anything for a second she'll come and find me job to do. If I sit for a minute and she enters the room I do this weird semi apologising thing for just existing.

I think I hold resentment to her as she made me move to a place I didn't want to be and am really struggling to see upside. I stay as I love my kids to death and want to see them grow up. She is a lawyer who is constantly on which I think means I am a low priority, to the kids and her job.

I just didn't really sign up for this but I just don't know it's because our kids are young so we're going through the tough years?

I’m super picky about cleanliness, especially when it comes to my feet. I absolutely hate the feeling of dirt or crumbs on them…it’s one of those things that instantly makes me uncomfortable and dirty.
Yesterday I mentioned my feet felt dirty after being out in sandals. I didn’t hint or ask (never have, never will). I just said it in passing. Before I could even move, my husband got up, grabbed a washcloth, and wiped the bottom of my feet.
It was an incredibly intimate moment for me. It’s the quiet, instinctive moments where someone shows you they know you, they accept you, and they want to make your world a little better.

I cried after lol. I have never had a man who is so willing to take care of me in the way he does. I feel so loved. obviously there’s so much more than what happened yesterday. I can write about him for hours. He is an incredible man and husband.

Out of curiosity, what do you ladies do to make him feel loved, wanted, needed, or appreciated?

Do you plan dates? Do you flirt? Do you "seduce" him? Do you do anything?

I just need some opinions and support. I don’t have any friends and have no one to talk to about this.

I absolutely love my husband and I have done everything I can for him and us to be happy. He has been such a good step-father to my two sons and he has been good to me.

But, since the beginning he has had episodes of being violent towards me (never against my kids). I know that I should have left him when the first incident happened but I didn’t. Everything else was wonderful.

He’s been sick because of his diabetes and been through a few jobs. I’m the one that holds everything down with my career. I never once held that in his face, I just supported him through everything.

He recently got laid off again and he was in the hospital recently because of his diabetes and everything has becoming too much. I pay all the bills, I take care of him, I clean up after him, everything. He gives me some money from his unemployment but then will turn around and ask me to get this and that from the store for him and his chewing tobacco, etc. He is only responsible for his cell phone payment and his very expensive truck payment ($1,200) that he recently purchased. I begged him to get just a normal truck but he insisted that he deserved this dream truck so now his unemployment mostly goes to that.

My house is constantly a mess from all his shit everywhere. I clean and clean and then it’s trashed within a few days. He doesn’t help with the dogs that he wanted. And he’s extremely moody and I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him. But he’s been so good to my sons but recently even that has been changing because he claims he’s sick and just lays around my house all day.

A few days ago, we were arguing and out of nowhere he hit the shit out of me. I saw stars and lost my balance (he burst a blood vessel). Well for the first time ever I called the police. While I was on the phone with the 911 operator, he got his heavy-duty flashlight, smirked at me, and started gently tapping my hands and my throat. Because of all the commotion my sons came out of their bedrooms and he like hugged them goodbye and said he didn’t hit me and then he ran out the backyard and I locked the door. He then went to the front porch and waited for the police to get there. My sons were so upset and crying and begging me to hang up with the police.

Long story short, he was arrested. He’s been in jail for the last 5 days but his dad is going to bail him out today or tomorrow. I was granted a 90 day protection order for me and the boys.

My sons’ father is shitty and they love this man so much. They are just so upset and are begging me to work it out with him.

The thing is, I have hidden all of his negatives from my sons and my family. They all think he is a great guy and have no idea he has a history of putting his hands on me (he even choked me once).

His father called me yesterday and asked me if he got help would I take him back and I said no. He said I should have told him it was happening then he could have helped him. He also basically asked me what I did to cause him to hit me (not in those words but it made me feel like it was my fault). He then said that he can’t live with him and I just said well he’s going to have to live with a friend, I don’t know. I’m probably not going to take any more of his father’s calls.

Guys, I just can’t believe this is happening. This sounds so cliche but I am/was so in love with this man. But I know I can’t risk him getting any more violent with me or my kids. I know I need to get away from him and I am. But he was my best friend. I could talk to him about anything. He understood me so well. I feel so lost without him.

I will start the divorce proceedings soon. I know I can’t let him back in. I’m also on pins and needles waiting for him to get bailed out. I feel like I can’t leave my house or go outside because he might be there and I’m scared. He must hate me so much (I know this is screwed up thinking on my part).

I will get my sons into much needed counseling but what else can I do for them? How can I help them understand that he can’t come back?

How do I get my own life back on track without him?

Married 25 years and can’t remember the last time a kiss was more than a peck on the lips. I kinda miss the days when we used to snog for hours….

Married five years, together fifteen, three kids, lots of other stuff. We have two cars and BOTH are having issues. We’re working together in a restaurant we bought a year and a half ago, he’s been alone in it most of the time until June when I left my job to help(and to go to grad school)… there’s been a series of other things that have been exceedingly difficult but we are working through stuff better than we ever have, I’ve wanted to make a post about it so many times because it’s been so amazing working with him. And I know it doesn’t work for everyone but it’s amazing for us. And then tonight on my way home, our car started overheating on the side of the highway. He came and rescued me with coolant on his motorcycle. He was incredible chill and loving even through all of it, even though it really sucked. I am just very grateful for him and he might be tired of hearing about it. Don’t fret, I do find other ways to express my gratitude and reciprocate

Okay so I feel like the title says it all.

I used to buy my own underwear but she always complained about what I'd pick, so eventually she just started buying it herself. Usually for Christmas or just whenever I needed more.

For the past 10 years or so she's always bought the same style, different from what I used to wear. They've always fit kinda tight when they're new but they loosen up after a bit so I never really thought much of it. If she notices they're getting worn out or too loose she asks me to just throw them out and she will replace them.

Today I was putting on a brand new pair and I said "These are a bit tight but they'll work themselves out."

She laughed and admitted she's always been buying them a size too small because she likes seeing a D-print, like intentionally... for a decade!

Just to be clear, this isn't a brag about size or anything. I'm only *very* slightly above average.

So... how would you take that? Part of me is really flattered that after 15 years together she still looks at me like that, and part of me is just sitting here thinking... you've been secretly buying my underwear too small for a decade?!

Also apparently I've lost my "walking around in just underwear" privileges with the rest of the household. I accept their judgment. 😆

I (28F) and my husband (32M) have been married for 2.5 years. We have always communicated very well and resolve any issues together. The last issue he wanted to talk about was last night and it was that I don't do anything. When I asked him what he meant, he said that I just sit at home on the couch all day. I told him I do sit on the couch for a period watching either a movie or a couple episodes of a show, but I also can't sit still that long and feel the urge to go do something. This usually includes laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping, organizing, and anything else I see that I can do. He then said he didn't mean that I do nothing just that I could do more. I then asked what more he would like me to do. He started talking about how that day when he came home I hadn't put the clothes I washed, dried, and folded into his dresser and instead left them on the bed for him to put away. I responded with ok no problem I will put your clothes in the dresser but surely that can't be the reason he thought I wasn't doing enough. He then said that throughout the day when we talk (primarily via Snapchat) he always sees me just sitting on the couch. I explained that I leave my phone on the coffee table and go about whatever I'm doing and every now and then come back to check it and snapchat him back. So yes I am sitting on the couch but by no means have I been there all day.

For some context we recently moved about a month and a half ago. We had this same discussion the last time we moved a couple years ago, that " I don't do anything". When we moved a couple of years ago we went from Colorado to North Carolina for a job for him. I quit my job in Colorado and after settling into the house began job hunting in North Carolina. At first he didn't want me to work and to just take care of things around the house. A few months later he brought up that he thought I didn't do anything so I got a job and stayed there for a year and a half until he got another job here in Virginia. So again I quit my job and over the last month and a half we were slowly moving into our new house. We are finally done moving and only making trips back to the NC house to do some touch ups to sell. (Bought the house in NC and are renting in VA). Last week I got a part time job but wasn't able to start until this Friday, so I'm hoping that will be enough to make him stop thinking I don't do anything.

At this point I don't know how to fix his discomfort or irritation with me not doing enough because when asked he just brought up the having to put his clothes away portion which obviously was an easy fix. I feel like there is something else bothering him and he just doesn't know how or doesn't want to tell me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Wife and I have been married 5 years, together 10 total, in our mid 30s. We have been having a rough go lately. Neither of us ever raised voices or anything most would consider a "fight" but we definitely have disagreements. We're realizing it comes down to this "attack the problem" versus "wait it out" approach to things that come up. We are going to start couple therapy but wanted to get a few inputs to mull over in the mean time.

I'm very headstrong and will work very hard (harder than necessary often) to get through a problem. I'm basically a meat head about it and will get up early to get some progress before work etc.. I often cannot sleep well or relax or enjoy myself until the problem is solved or at a minimum, I have a plan of attack or next steps to try later. I just cannot happily sit still with an existing problem lurking and no plans to fix it.

My wife is the opposite. She hits her wall and needs a break. The problem can sit for an undefined amount of time before she feels she is ready to have another go at it. This can be hours or weeks, all the way up to just never going back to solve it at all but it perpetually sits at "will be done later".

This causes tension between us when a problem impacts us both. To be clear, my obsessive behavior is when the problem is large enough to impact quality of day to day life or potentially cause serious further issues / costs. I'm not this way with regular chores or a leaky faucet or things like that. Think broken window, roof leak, flat tire, this bathroom can't be used because X, etc.

To keep it short I'll use crude descriptions - in her view I become a miserable workaholic, and in my view she becomes a sandbagging bum. We don't actually call each other those terms, but those are the general, overstated sentiments.

Usually it's not something we encounter often but there are enough impactful problems popping up lately that it's put a damper on things overall.

Anyone deal with similar and find a way to lessen the impact?

I'm newly married but I feel like the changes in my partner are like night and day compared to when we were dating and when we got engaged. I loved & enjoyed our wedding, our honeymoon, and the time after but I feel like he has become less happy with me? let me give you a few examples why. Also let me know if these examples are red flags or signs he is now capable of cheating on me I never thought he would ever cheat on me before marrying him obviously and trusted him fully. I will post then delete this by the way, so quickly provide your advice before this post is gone.

1) Woke up at 5am, found him missing from our bed, and found him in his office beating it to porn. He got upset at me bursting through the door and asked me not to do it again. This happened on 3 different mornings between 3am-5am, he would always wait until I would go to sleep so then I felt like I couldn't go to sleep in peace. I felt a bit betrayed for some reason. One time I locked him out of our bedroom so he couldn't come back to bed and he had to sleep on the couch. Him masturbating to porn made him not initiate sex much anymore, or want to have sex with me which has now become an issue. I knew he watched porn occasionally and was fine with it but I didn't know it was like a super secretive thing for him. He can't even feel comfortable telling me specifically what he's watching.

2) He video taped himself masturbating and sent it to unknown people on a discord server. I found the video in his Recently Deleted on his phone. He initially tried to lie about it but then fully confessed the truth to me that he was part of some porn servers on discord. I felt hurt and like my emotional safety and our trust was hurt after that. I do not watch porn at all, I read erotica stories every now and then that's pretty much it and I haven't done anything like this that would damage the trust and our intimacy.

3) He keeps mentioning a specific co-worker when he gets home. It's hard to ignore and pass it off as nothing. One time he told me he was afraid he would get fired or get an HR complaint because he looked at her T-shirt too long to read the words on it and he was afraid that co-worker would think he was looking at her tits. But when he told me the story of what happened it seemed like a very short harmless interaction. I don't know it's getting weird. The whole co-worker stuff mixed with what is happening has been giving me insane levels of anxiety and stress, like he's fighting the urge to cheat. He does reassure me that he would never cheat on me though despite all of this and he never had a history of cheating on me.

Are these all valid concerns, red flags, or reasonable things to be upset about? We still interact with love, care, and hang out and talk a bunch when he gets home. He's still my best friend who I love very very much but everything I mentioned above has hurt our sex life and made me not want to initiate sex and made him not want to either for some reason? I'm hoping this too shall pass.