Been married to my husband for 18 years. We have 5 beautiful kids together. Hes my best friend and I dont want no one else but sadly im not sexually turned on by my husband. Its not physically cause he hasnt changed much other then he gained some weight but that doesnt bother me. Hes not really romantic. Its usually "wanna have sex" or him asking for oral. We have sex around 5x a week but I cant seem to "get there". Its like I dont feel the passion anymore in bed. We are a very lovable couple. I cant keep him off me half the time but when it comes to the bedroom he doesnt take the time to romance me. Its like he thinks I walk around wet all the time. The issue is im always horny but he doesnt do things to get me turned on with him enough during sex. Im not sure if this is making sense but its driving me nuts. Im tired of "handling" it myself so I can get some relief.

You walked in on your spouse cheating on you. What would be your first reaction and how will you handle it ?

It's fascinating how some people can passionately debate politics, wars, or football for hours, yet overlook the people and responsibilities right in front of them. The world matters—but so does your own home

I've been struggling to make sense of something so I'm here to ask everyone's opinion. In a relationship obviously you cannot expect your partner to be a mind reader, expressing your feelings in a clear/calm way is a necessary skill for everyone... but where is the line?

I don't expect my husband to read my mind, but I do sort of hope he will learn my habits and occasionally be supportive without me having to ask? (example I have horrrible health anxiety and going to dr apts frazzzles me to my core.. I know that is a ME problem and it's not fair for me to be anxious all day.. or to expect special treatment from him.. but part of me also feels like he should know and expect me to be more anxious days of big appointments and be a little softer maybe?) is that expecting too much? Do you do things for your partner in anticipation of their needs or is that just something I do as a type a/people pleaser person?

I (33F) feel so lonely in my marriage and lately I keep wondering if this is actually how marriage is supposed to feel.
My (32M) husband and I have been together for a long time and we have two kids. I love him and I think that is part of what makes this so hard. If I completely hated him or felt nothing for him I think the answer would be easier. But I still care about him and I still want his attention and I still want affection from him and I still find myself hoping things will get better.
The problem is that most of the time I feel completely alone.
He works a lot and when he gets home he usually wants to drink or play video games or watch something or be left alone. I understand needing time to decompress but it feels like there is never really a point where he actually wants to spend time with me. Sometimes I genuinely feel like if I walk into the room he is in he eventually finds a reason to go to another room. I spend all day taking care of our kids and our house and by the time he comes home I am craving adult conversation and connection but it feels like I am bothering him just by wanting him.
When I try to talk about our marriage or his job or finances or his family or anything that feels important to me it often turns into me being told that I am causing problems or that I have trust issues or that I always want to fight or that I am too emotional. Sometimes I feel like I cannot bring up anything difficult without the entire conversation somehow becoming about what is wrong with me.
I know I am not perfect. I can be anxious. I overthink things. I have definitely been insecure in our relationship and I know there are probably times when I have pushed conversations when he did not want to have them. I am not trying to make myself out to be completely innocent.
But I also feel like I have spent so much time asking myself what I need to change that I barely stop to ask whether the way I am being treated is actually okay.
There has also been drinking and his personality can become much meaner when he drinks. There have been nights where the atmosphere in our house feels tense enough that even our kids notice it. My children have made comments about him being mean to me. One of them has literally told him to stop being mean to Mommy. That is probably one of the things that has affected me the most because I keep thinking about what kind of relationship I am modeling for them.
There has also been physical aggression during an argument. He shoved me into a wall once while he had been drinking hard enough that a picture frame fell. I hate even typing that because I know how it sounds. I also know that if another woman told me her husband did that I would probably immediately tell her that it was serious.
But somehow when it is your own life you find yourself minimizing everything.
I keep thinking about the good things. The times he helps me with something around the house. The moments where we laugh. The history we have. Our kids. The life we built. I remember who we used to be and I keep wondering if that version of us is still in here somewhere. :(
At the same time I am becoming sadder and more resentful. I feel like I am constantly trying to earn love from someone I am already married to. I think about what I can do to make him want me more or appreciate me more or compliment me more or spend time with me or cuddle me or just seem happy to be around me.
And lately I have started wondering whether the real question is not how do I make my husband love me better but why am I working this hard to convince my husband to want a relationship with me.
The thought of leaving terrifies me. We have children and finances are complicated and I still love him. I also worry about regretting it. I worry that I will destroy my family because I was unhappy during a rough period that could have eventually gotten better.
But then I think about staying like this for another five years or ten years and that scares me too.
I do not even know exactly what I am asking. Maybe I just need outside perspectives from people who are not emotionally involved.
Have any of you ever reached a point where you realized you were lonelier in your marriage than you would be being alone?
How did you know whether your marriage was going through a terrible season versus whether the relationship itself had become unhealthy?
I feel completely stuck between loving someone and realizing that loving them might not be enough.
I’m so sad. And I have so much to be grateful for. I’m so stuck and I feel isolated. He told me that he doesn’t want my little sister coming over the HIS house anymore because he found out that I told her he shoved me. And now I feel even more isolated.

I’m a 51F, he’s a 61M. We’ve been married for 13 years, no kids. I’ve been supporting him for half of our marriage, ever since he quit his job to start a business that he didn’t know how to run, and it failed. He put all of his retirement savings into it, too. A couple of years ago, he finally finished his bachelor’s degree (in Communications) after a 40-year hiatus but can’t seem to put it to use. He puts out resumes every so often but it’s hard to start a new career at his age and he’s not willing to take on something menial as long as I can support him. And I make a pretty good salary, but not enough to replace and build the retirement savings that we really should have at our age.

He spends a lot of money, too, and has a moderate drinking problem. Did I mention he has a boat? In case you don’t know, those things are floating money pits. And he told me the other day that he bought a new monitor because the one he had just bought wasn’t working—turned out he didn’t know where the power button was. I suggested he return the new new one and he said he wanted to keep it because the speakers were better.

The monitor itself isn’t a big deal, it’s just one example of the way he spends the money that he doesn’t make. I’m paying his student loans and boat repairs on top of regular living expenses and shopping sprees.

At the same time we’ve reached a sexless stage of our marriage where it feels like we’re roommates, as so many others here have experienced. And part of that’s normal as you get older, but a large part is probably because I see him as less of a partner than a dependent. And I feel guilty about that, like if you love someone, money shouldn’t matter. But I don’t know if I do love him, really. Our personalities and senses of humor are compatible, but like I said, there’s no passion.

More to the point, if I left him I would have to pay alimony, and then I’d be so broke I’d have to live with a roommate anyway, so I might as well stay in my own house. I’m just tired of feeling trapped and resentful. I keep remembering that old line, “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” and fantasizing about an alternate life as a spinster.

Me female, 39 married to my husband male 43 we have been together for 8 years no relationship has been toxic. We have been an active addiction together but when we’re sober, things are pretty decent. He’s a hard worker when he’s sober. He’s a great provider when he’s sober. There has been some domestic balance between us when we were in active addiction, we’ve been together for about eight years only married for almost 2 years I’m in college. My husband is the soul financial provider. He got injured broke his knee. They end up taking him off work cause he’s gotta have surgery. We end up losing our house and instead of staying with me to get things back together he runs off to treatment said he had a court obligation well he had that court obligation for quite some time now he just decides to wait until we’re homeless to go fulfill his court obligation. I have no family, no friends no one to turn to. Is that messed up with him to leave me by myself.

My husband(22) and I(24) have only been married for over a year now. So much has changed since the beginning of our relationship he was injured at work, I have custody of my sister and my mom currently lives with us. My husband doesn’t work anymore, never wants to leave the house, constantly watches his sports/plays video games. He says I should be thankful because he doesn’t go out but I just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to him multiple times about how I want to experience life with him and I always make excuses to my family/friends when he doesn’t show up for me but I feel miserable. I love him so much but this feels impossible some times. I want to advance in my career, lose weight but he doesn’t even want to leave the house. Won’t wash dishes and seems like never meets me in the middle anymore. I’ve been trying to be as understanding as possible but it’s so frustrating because I feel we are so young and it feels like I’m trapped. I am exhausted from working all day. Come home to a house that’s unkept unless I do all the cleaning and cooking. Husband doesn’t even initiate sex sometimes and when he does it’s so quick with no real intimacy. And I’ve tried over, over and over again to talk to him.

What do I even do at this point? I don’t want to shut down. I deserve love too. I want to be a wife I want to be his partner but it feels like he’s not choosing me.

Let’s say he’s been flirting with a coworker and eventually admits to that coworker that he fell for her. But, he’s not actually looking for an affair or anything. Would you want to know?

I feel like I need more in my marriage and I feel selfish even thinking that. My husband and I go out to eat on the weekends and we have started bird watching but it seems like besides that we just coexist. I have brought up couples therapy but he won’t go staring , “we don’t need it”. I get home from work and he’s playing video games. He doesn’t ask about my day. Also I’m signed up for a half marathon and a full marathon and he said he’s unsure if he will go to them. I feel hurt and unseen.

Years ago, my relationship shattered, leaving me entirely alone to raise my then few months old son. His biological father walked away to another country, leaving me with the heavy, exhausting burden of full-time single motherhood.

As my little boy grew older, it broke my heart to watch him ache and crave for a father figure he didn't have.Then when my son was 7, I met my current husband. My son was so desperate for a male figure in his life that he latched onto him immediately.

I never on the other hand felt a spark and there was no real romantic connection because I was not attracted to him and felt he had poor personal hygiene and bad food habits, but I went ahead with the relationship just to give my son the father he deserved. My husband was good to him, so I stayed, burying my own feelings.

Eventually, we married. Because I always dreamed of having more children, we tried for a baby. For 4 painful years, we have been enduring the grueling torment of IVF. I am now 44 and he is 39 and between my age and his severe infertility, natural conception is impossible and 4 years of IVF yielded no pregnancies.

The endless heartbreak completely drained me, and the tiny bit of affection I had for my husband evaporated into total resentment. He is a nice guy but life with him is a gray, boring existence for me. We have very little uncommon.

We recently bought a house and a car together. Since i earn much more than him I paid the larger share. With that, his poor personal hygiene, his infertility issues and the ivf journey for which I felt he didn't give much support, I can't help but feel resentful.

Today, I truly hate my life. Every single morning, I wake up with a heavy chest, weeping inside, dark depression. I feel like a prisoner, like I am trapped in a suffocating cycle. I have no time for myself. If I am not working, I am either with my son or with my husband or both.

I want so badly to escape, but I love my son too much to abandon him I feel completely stuck, mainly because of my marriage. I have several times begged my sons dad to take him just for the summer, desperate for a few weeks to breathe and figure out my life, but he rejected the idea with pathetic excuses about his job and his small apartment. I am utterly alone, hopeless, and trapped in a life I no longer want to live.

The situation is poisoning the relationship I have with my son. I don't know what to do.

I do childcare drop off 3 days a week, my wife does once and my mother-in-law comes to our house once a week to watch the baby so no drop off required.

Thursday is the day my wife does drop off and coincidentally she wakes up feeling terrible about once a month on a given Thursday and I need to do the drop off. Never so sick that she can’t go into work but sick enough that she can’t do drop off. She’s never too sick for work, she won’t miss work for anything but drop off is like her Kryptonite.

Two weeks ago she said her throat hurt last Thursday morning and I finally had enough. I said if you’re not so sick that you’re not going to go to work then I’m not doing drop off. I do it every other day and it fucks up my schedule on one of the two days I go into the office (long commute). She got really mad but we got over it.

Now her throat has been hurting her for two weeks straights, genuinely hurting her and I’ve been telling her to go to the doctor for two weeks straight. Now two weeks later it’s Wednesday night at 8PM and she asks me to go in late so that she can run to the doctors office early before work. I know she’s sick but this pattern is so frustrating so I called her on it and said we didn’t need to see her friends Saturday, she could have gone Sunday, she could have gone Monday when I did drop off, she could have gone Tuesday when her Mom was here, she could have gone today when I did drop off. She thinks I’m being an asshole because she’s sick and I’m unsupportive but I’ve been telling her to get checked out for two weeks.

It’s like the most ridiculous thing to be gaslit about but it’s also such a clear pattern of her trying to inconvenience me.

My husband screamed at me a couple days ago. It was because he asked our son to make chicken in the air fryer. I came home, the chicken was still raw so I turned on the air fryer again.

Literally all I did.

When he came home, he yelled that I frustrated him, I have to have my hands in everything, and that the chicken was "perfect"

I was struck by that, so I questioned him asking what he meant.

He got even angrier, he is so frustrated by me, and our son did everything right and why can't I just stay out of things!

I dont even like chicken thighs, I finished cooking them because I didnt want them eating raw food.

He started texting me then, telling me that I hate it, that it is "NOT NOT NOT his fault" and all I do is look for ways to find mistakes that he makes.

So I blocked him.

He then screamed so loud that I could hear him outside about how dare I block him, how dare I do that too him, every time I get a little uncomfortable i block him and he doesn't do that to me.

Yesterday he came into my room (we have separate bedrooms) and said "I dont want to hear any arguments. I lost my temper and I apologize"

I kept him blocked all say because this is normal.behaviour for him, he will yell and scream at me and then apologize, only to do it again. Its been happening for ywars. He is also an alcoholic who is very angry when he drinks. He says he has been sober though for a month.

Today he came home and asked me why I was still upset about the chicken. I told him it wasn't about the chicken, it was ywars of being disrespected and yelled at when I dont do anything wrong. That escalated I to him screaming at me over and over.

I told him I want to separate.

He went upstairs, cane down about a half hour later, told me it was all my fault, he has never asked to end our marriage and ended with "F*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you you c*nt"

He was sober the first 10 years of marriage. We've been married 31 years.

When he drinks, he drives drunk. He once told me, in great detail, how he was going to kill me ("but that was 10 years ago and I was drunk, I dont even remember so you're just making that up!)

He has repeatedly told our children that i do not want him to be their father, that i want to break up our family, that i am the reason he drinks.

I know all of this is horrible. He has stolen so much money from our account I cant afford to leave, and a lawyer I had a free consult with told me I should not leave our home.

I know he is sick. I have some chronic illnesses and this is making them worse.

What I need is some support. I've spent the past 21 years hearing about how all of this is my fault. Im starting to see through the fog but I need support.

Asking as I’m taking a walk after what started as me opening up about feeling lonely and ended up with seeing my husbands eyes fill with hatred and rage as he screamed at me so loud the veins in his neck were popping out.

I love him so much and I’ve tried everything to be close to him. I have had so much sympathy for his depression and supported him as he was getting out of it.

I love him and I want to build a life with him but there isn’t anyone else I could’ve picked that has the same level of apathy he has for me.

For those of you who initiated divorce how did you bring it up?

It was also said that no one would notice if I did kms 🙂 Btw, today is our one year anniversary of marriage. Can one get past this? Does anyone have any advice? The obvious option would be divorce. But it’s more complicated than this for me and divorce isn’t an option right now.

Addendum: Thank your for the genuine responses. I understand the severity of this situation, and I appreciate the validation and advice. I appreciate you all more than you’ll ever know.

I'm sorry if this isn't the appropriate place to post but I need to explain this to someone before they make the same mistakes I did. I'm 39.

I've been married once, briefly, and divorced when I was young, like 22, and then common law married for 14 years with current partner (engaged a few years ago but never tied the knot and thank God.)

I am ready to walk away from my relationship after 2 kids together and 7 years after kids came into the picture.

Our parenting styles aren't the same at all and it's created a very bad situation. We fight constantly about how to parent, he believes in spanking and being authoritarian and I'm pro gentle parenting and respectful parenting but with clear boundaries and consequences. I despise seeing how he is with my kids and I loathe him now.

Not only that but I love camping, grew up doing it every year and he did not, so he hates it. He didn't celebrate birthdays or Christmas or special occasions at all really, but we went big for those things so I try to make it very special for the kids and he could care less and complains about how much everything costs and how much fuss is made. These little things become huge things after kids come along.

I urge you to make sure you're on the same page with your partner about how to raise children before you tie the knot ... Know their discipline style, how they were disciplined, what their upbringing was like, attachment style, all of it matters greatly.

Looking back there were red flags I completely ignored because I didn't think at the time it was a big deal and I was all gaga in love and whatever . But it does matter down the road when the butterflies fade and the puppy love phase ends. These are the little differences that will break you and make you bicker to no end.

I'm in such a tragic situation and could have avoided a lot of heartache had I taken the time to do a deep dive into these things before hand. Obviously you always see things clearer in hindsight, but learn from my mistakes...

Ps. Yes, we've tried couples therapy. Yes, there are other issues outside of these as well.. Intimacy issues, neurodivergent children, etc. But still. I feel like those things were all manageable but the daily and constant disagreements have driven us apart.

I am a 44m who has been with my 36f wife since 2019 and married since 2022.

We chatted on an online dating app for a week or so and shared many common values and goals before our first date.

After our first date, neither of us dated other people, and I was confident that this was the woman I was going to marry, and I did.

We had fun dates, spent a lot of time together, discussed future plans and were intimate.

Several months into our relationship she felt guilty about being intimate bc she grew up to believe that sex should not happen before marriage. She was not a virgin before she met me, but I could sense she was always uneasy about intimacy bc of that upbringing.

One night she told me that she would feel more comfortable if we were to not be intimate at all, outside of kissing, until marriage. Our relationship overall was not based on sex, so while I was a little uneasy about that, I respected her decision. For the next two years, until we got married in 2022, the only form of sexual intimacy we had was holding hands, hugging and kissing.

When we got married, we moved in together, and our relationship continued as it was while we were dating, with now love making now included. We never made love often, but that’s bc in addition to busy schedules, neither one of us is inherently overly sexual.

In the beginning of our marriage, we would make love about once a week, and it would progressively become less and less. Over the last year, I estimate that we’ve made love less than 10 times, which I am fine with. But, we have also grown apart a little in that we don’t spend a lot of time together or really do any activities together like we used to.

Earlier this year, my wife became close to a female colleague who is married and younger than her. Over the course of the last several months, she has invited us to hang out with her friend group, which we have.

In this friend group, there is a single man “Jerry” who is my wife’s age who she has taken an interest in. They’ve exchanged phone numbers and social media, which my wife never hid from me. She would tell me about his job and his interests and how nice of a man he is overall. How he went to the Winter Olympics for his job, and how he loves playing tennis and other activities. She scrolls through his social media while we’re at home and even tells me things like “oh Jerry was in a tennis tournament yesterday.” I’ve obviously met him and talked to him a bit during these friend group get togethers and by all accounts he is a nice man.

My wife has further taken an interest in introducing him to some single ladies and he had been dating one of the woman my wife introduced him to for a bit, but ultimately broke up.

Over the last couple of months, we’ve gone to pool parties with this friend group and noticed my wife talking more and more to him, but again, I am ok with that. The last pool party was last weekend and my wife wore a thong and was the only woman in the group wearing one. I didn’t have an issue with this bc she did tell me ahead of time and I was fine with it. There’s also precedent bc on a previous vacation to a Caribbean beach resort, she did wear a thong to the beach.

But during this pool outing she spent the majority of the day talking to Jerry in her thong, which I didn’t really have a problem with. When we got home she told me what they talked about- all the trips he takes for his work and his leisure, his tennis and his dating life.

It’s clear that my wife has a crush on Jerry and it comes at a time where we are growing apart.

I’m conflicted if I should just let this flirting and crush she has on him continue, talk to her about it, or even allow her to have a “hall pass” with him.

Hi guys. I need some advice. My husband just started a new job. He met a fellow teacher who is 21 years old. She’s married. Inexperienced in the teaching field. My husband has been in education for years. They are on the fourth day of training for all the educators at the school. Today, my husband drove with her in his car to the training location that they had to visit at the other school branch location. They then rode together to the coworker lunch. He asked her if her husband was bothered by him. She said no, she thinks because he’s much older that he doesn’t see him as a threat or an issue.

I feel like this is an inappropriate relationship forming. What would you think, if you were his wife? I’m trying to handle this as best I can.

​

Today, while my husband was at work, I packed everything I could and left. I told him over the phone that I was gone.

At first, he was furious. He called me every name imaginable, said he hated me, blamed me for ending our marriage, and said he'd just go find another woman.

Then everything changed.

He started begging me not to leave.

He said he doesn't want threesomes or happy massages anymore, that he doesn't need any of that, that he wants a fresh start, and that he's sorry for how he's treated me.

He admitted he should have protected me during a traumatic sexual situation that happened in our relationship.

He said he can't imagine life without me and that he has so much to apologize for.

But before those messages, I called him, and during the call he picked up his gun, repeatedly manipulated it, and calmly said it would be so easy to end things.

Earlier, he also told me he wanted to get "batshit drunk" and come to my family's house because he had enough rounds for all of them, including our son.

Now he's crying, apologizing, saying he loves me, and saying he doesn't think life is worth living without us.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

Part of me feels devastated for him. Another part of me is terrified because of what he said about the gun and my family.

Has anyone been through something like this? Is this a genuine turning point, or is it something that happens when someone realizes you're actually leaving?

I'm safe with a friend, and my son is with my family. I'm trying to think clearly, but I'm emotionally exhausted. Any advice would really help.

The whirlwind of everything he said is going around in my head. I feel so bad.

I left because I found out he had messaged another escort, and I had enough.

He also told me today he has no respect for me, I'm a slut, he said I'm weak and I'd never leave and he said if I really think he is a cheater he is gonna go all out and do it.

He also threw something from the fridge as hard as he could towards me while I was sitting on the couch, I dodged it. I was very calm the whole day trying to speak and reason to him, he also blamed me and said it's my fault he contacted the escort.

So I said "I won't be here for you to do it"

As soon as the front door clicked for him to leave for work, I became CRAZY with adrenaline and started packing everything, I called my family, they all came packed everything that belongs to me, I cleaned the entire place took pictures sent it to the landlord of how I left it, and left.

Am I making a mistake?

All I wanted was the truth.

1. I married a born Muslim that I’ve known for over 20 years. I reverted around then. 2022 I lost my daughter. She was murdered and I took full custody of my grandchildren. He saw that I was in need and he felt what I believe was compassion, so he asked me to marry him so he would be able to raise them together and a faith based household. I no longer could have children, so I agreed that he could take him a second wife, the only thing I asked was him to let me know ahead of time. Come to find out that the honeymoon only lasted seven months before he started looking for his second wife, he became upset with me over many things. I guess he didn’t expect things to go the way he thought it would go. I was grieving and he argued a lot about me working and on the weekends resting instead of helping him with house chores, and the children. At the time he was not working and wasn’t expected to pay any bills. Also Considering that on the weekdays, he only has the children for three hours, but was overwhelmed because he had to choose between looking after them or being on his phone. He’s always on his phone. It’s like his holy grail. One day, I noticed that he was being very sneaky with holding conversations on his phone around me and his temperament towards me was getting worse. We were getting ready to move to another place that was around then when he admitted that he met a girl on a dating app and they were pretty serious with each other. I felt betrayed because the only thing I asked was for him to at least tell me. Instead of doing that he argued about how he did not have to tell me, but out of respect I felt that it was appropriate to do so . He was always hiding things about her from me. Especially on social media. I would find out he was always lying.. I would find out that they were making plans to get married present day I find out that the plans are in the making plans to get married,, but he continues to deny it. I consider this as if he had an affair outside of our marriage and he doesn’t believe it to be so. He is always taking her side and when I gave him an ultimatum, he laughed at me. Pretending as if he did not understand what I was trying to say or what was going on . As if I’m the crazy one losing my mind and he’s innocent. She is a 22 year-old girl from Kenya that he always sends money to an argues with me about putting $700 dollars worth of groceries to feed our family. I held off from getting a car because he didn’t want to have a car note or insurance payment . Finding out instead he was using the money that to send her for Phone, Appartment, clothes, etc. neglecting his already established families basic needs. Just to satisfy hers. I considered that we’ve only been married for seven months the rest of those months, which will be three years this year. It hasn’t been a marriage at all. It has been arguments and betrayal, arguments, and lies and I’m tired. All of this while trying to heal from a severe Loss, raising young grandchildren and maintaining a household, which he demands perfection. I don’t feel like a wife. I feel like a temp making sure that things are situated so she can fulfill the duties that I am currently responsible for. Lack of empathy and respect. I am to blame all the time for arguments. Should I be more sympathetic? Work on a marriage that I believe that never really existed in the first place.?