My husband (26M) and I (24F) have been married for 1.5 years and have a newborn. Since giving birth, I’ve gotten back in shape, I hit the gym, and I try to initiate sex but he constantly rejects me, claiming he’s "too tired”. However, I found out he still watches porn regularly. We only have sex 2 - 3 times a month now. When I tried to talk to him about it, he shut down. After researching the "Madonna Whore complex”, I decided to lay it all out and offered an open relationship. I told him: "Look, if you aren't attracted to me anymore, that’s fine. I don't want to beg for sex like a desperate creep. So let's just open the relationship so both of us can get what we want without any pressure."

Instead of a rational chat, he flipped out, accused me of insulting his manhood, and called me a horrible woman. But what am I supposed to do? I feel absolutely pathetic having to beg my own husband to want me. Am I supposed to live in a sexless marriage forever? Divorce feels extreme with my baby, but cheating is a no for me. How do I handle this??

(EDIT: I'm sorry English is not my first language, my baby is almost 1 year old, not a newborn. Also, I already asked him to go to counseling before, but he just got mad and refused)

So my wife (32) got a new job and the community is very much restaurant life. She goes out with her co workers after work for drinks and hangs out in groups. She started talking about this one guys coworker, let’s call him F. F is usually at the bars after work so I know they are friendly with each other. Last week my wife wanted to hang out with someone while I had to work. She said she and F wanted to go to the beach. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with it because I haven’t met F. we kinda got into an argument about it. She ended up hanging out with someone else that day. So that brings us to yesterday. I got home from work and my wife says that she went to the beach with F. It wasn’t like she was trying to hide anything but I told her how I felt that was weird. In my head, my wife is hanging out with another man, who I’ve never met, at the beach, alone together. She is now saying I am a misogynist because if it was a girl it wouldn’t be a big deal. I just find it weird that after I told her I was uncomfortable with it, she went ahead and did it anyway. I trust my wife but I just find the whole situation unsettling because I can’t stop thinking about how it looks and what this usually leads to. Now my wife is mad at me because she thinks I’m being controlling. Am I being unreasonable?

My husband and I decided to take a leap and he left to go to a trade school program that is 2000+ miles away for 4 months that is literally going to change our lives for the better. It took months of deciding but we eventually agreed to go for it. We have a 1.5 year old and I found out I was pregnant literally 3 days after he left. I’m also in charge of packing up and selling our house by myself so we can meet him where he’s at after graduation. It’s been very exhausting and challenging for me navigating this but he and I are both making sacrifices, he has missed out on 4 months of our toddlers life which has been really hard on him. On top of that….I just really miss him, my best friend :( I’m 29 and he’s 32 and we’ve been together since 19 and 21. Anyways I get these kinds of messages from him every day and it just reminds me that we’re in this together and gives me the strength to get done what I need to get done. Going on 11 years and I love my husband more and more every day, that is all 🥺😭

I want to divorce my spouse (no cheating, no abuse). On paper, he’s the typical “nice guy.” But our relationship is more of a boss-staff, roommate, and sometimes mother-child relationship. I have to tell him what, how, and when to do anything. It’s exhausting and I want out.

But, we have a toddler, and I know splitting up would give my husband 50% custody. My husband cannot take care of our toddler (still can’t put the toddler in the car seat, doesn’t enforce safety boundaries, really absentminded etc.).

When I talked with my family, they strongly advised me that I suck it up and stay with my spouse until toddler is older. Wait for the right time to leave.

My therapist on the other hand says that the best thing for toddler is to have two happy and stable parents. Without explicitly saying it, she thinks I should leave and fight for sole custody.

Spouse wants to stay married. Literally said “who’s gonna help me if we divorce?” He refuses to discuss custody. That makes me hesitant.

I feel stuck. I’m miserable in the home - mainly from burnout. But in the home, I’m with toddler 100% of the time and can watch out for his safety. I just can’t give that up. 50/50 would be a mess.

I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

My wife and I have been a little rocky lately. I got super burnt out from work and it took a toll on me. She would ask how she could help me and I wasn’t sure how to answer. She’s had her fair share of work stress too. They’ve been shorthanded at work and evidently they were asking people if they knew anybody who might want to join their team. My wife recommended a guy named Mike. She told me all this and I was a little confused. I only remember her complaining about Mike back when they used to work together. He also had a reputation for sleeping with other coworkers including a coworker with a boyfriend and even her best friend at that job. Kinda random to just mention him out of all the other people she has worked with.

Anyways, I’m explaining the situation to my therapist. I’m just kinda hung up on why him. Mike actually responds when they reached out and he comes in and interviews with my wife. She tells me she doesn’t think he’ll take the job because she thinks they’re not going to offer enough money. Well that’s a relief for my silly paranoia.

Last week, I had a particularly rough day. I sent her a rather lengthy text explaining myself but she doesn’t respond - which is usual because she says they’re out of control busy at work. She gets home and asks what’s wrong. I told her about the text and she says sorry she just hadn’t had time to read it.

Now, I never thought I would be this guy. But my spidey-senses were tingling, bad. I asked, are you and Mike texting? She said yeah - I asked to see her phone. I discover a lengthy conversation with emojis, gifs - a lot of enthusiasm that bordered on flirtatious from my point of view. She congratulates him on the job - first time I’m hearing this. They’re talking about how excited they are to be working again. I can hardly believe all this.

It just hurt because she evidently has time to text this random, hot guy she used to work with but not me, her struggling husband. It also kinda looks like what is leading up to an emotional affair and I’m scared shitless of how this progresses once he is onboarded. I know she will be the one training him too.

Just want to hear other people’s opinions on this. Thank you.

Also, fwiw before we were even married, my friend’s female cousin texted me asking for a weed guy. My wife was really upset by this and we both made an agreement to disclose any time someone of the opposite sex that isn’t family or in our friend group tries to communicate with us. We’ve both actively stuck to that agreement except for this recent thing with Mike.

Should I let him know? Or leave it alone?

To clarify, I am the wife of the man she was sending these items to.

Today is an example of just many times my husband has disrespected or disregarded things I’ve shared that are important to me.

He wanted to mow and with all the rain my garden has really taken off - as well as the grass. My watermelons have extended into the yard. We have had a couple conversations that we just need to let them go as they are fruiting and I will trim around them and he agreed. I went out with scissors and hand cut the grass around them so he wouldn’t have to get close. When I went to check on the garden (because every time he mows he runs over a plant or flower) he had cut one of the vines and folded over several. I asked him why he did this as we’ve talked about them going into the yard, explained that he can’t just tear them up, they are fruiting etc and he FOLDED THEM AGAIN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and said they needed to be done this way!!! I fixed them again but I’ve been sobbing.

I have taken him on many “garden/yard tours” to show him where things are to avoid this.

It’s not just watermelons yall … it’s other things like I asked him not to make fun of a cringy song I wanted to hear and he did it anyway the whole time. He juggled my first tomatoes that came in and wouldn’t stop when I asked him repeatedly. He routinely tangles lights I use at my job despite me showing him how to do it better. He broke one of my expensive kitchen knives after I asked him to never use them as tools and he did anyway. I am in recovery and have needed boundaries around alcohol that he’s disrespected multiple times. He forgets about things that are important to me. Or maybe he doesn’t forget and just doesn’t care .. I can’t tell anymore

I’m starting to feel unknown and disrespected. I don’t need him to suddenly care about these things - I just want him to care that I care :(

What is happening here?!?! Has anyone dealt with this?

Without me (31f) and our son. I’m also 30 wks pregnant with our second son. I responded and said that’s hurtful especially since he was already away from us for 3 weeks in June. He responded and said “it’s just wishful thinking..I’m not actually going to do it” and I said how is that any better?? He then proceeded to say that I’m sensitive and I’m always bitching.

He also randomly said this to me. I was in the bedroom and he was downstairs in the basement and comes up and this is the first thing he says when he walked in. He also spends a lot of time alone.. every night he chills in the basement and I’m either in the living room or in the bedroom, so I really dont get it. I just want to pack up a bag and go to my parents house tbh.. Give him he wants bc wth.

Please do not judge on this thread. I can't take it right now.

My husband and I sleep in separate bedrooms for many very valid reasons - sleep preferences, I have extreme difficulty with sleep in general, he goes to work hours before me, I come home from work hours after he is sleeping, the bed is awful for my back and I have many health issues. Hubby even lovingly purchased an adjustable bedframe for me. We will have sleepovers, and we do sleep in the same bed when we are on holiday. I usually end up stiff and hardly able to move halfway through our holiday and weeks after, but that's how my life is.

We had this arrangement since before he proposed. We have been together 10 years, married less than 2. Since we got married i feel constantly judged by my MIL. She was APPALLED that I don't do all of our laundry (we share the task) and that I don't have dinner ready for him everyday...(he loves to cook, and dinner is at work....together). We both work the same job and same amount of hours. 10 to 12 hour days....

Recently we ended up being on similar schedules (still hours apart though), and I guess my MIL figured we must be sleeping in the same bed. My husband was telling a story and said the dreaded "her" bed. Immediately, my MIL LOUDLY and in a very judgy tone said "HERRRR BED?!" - in front of others....

Anyway...what can I say the next time she asks why we are in separate beds? She will 100% bring it up. We don't really like to tell people because...it's not anyone's business. We're going on "Family Vacay" VERY soon. Can someone help with a response? Maybe even a response that questions why she feels like it's her business? If you all couldn't tell, I am not great with my wording. I am so very tired of explaining it when it accidentally gets brought up....

For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for rich or for poor-till death do us part. (Now if you didn’t say these actual vows, that’s fine. I just mean generally speaking how literal do you and your spouse take them? (Is divorce spoken about during fights? Is it ever on the table?)

If your spouse was to become a quadriplegic or have a traumatic brain injury and you become their primary caretaker-would you still be in the marriage? (I saw a video recently of a woman who was her now ex husband’s full time caretaker, but did divorce him and remarry as well and I’m not sure exactly how to feel about that.)

If your spouse gambled away all of y’all’s life savings, but was (or maybe even wasn’t) committed to rehabilitation-would you still be in the marriage?

If they cheated, one time hookup with a coworker but was committed to couples therapy and/or changing jobs or something-would you still be in the marriage?

(This isn’t supposed to be a debate post or anything, I don’t want anyone to feel bad about their perspective. I just have been thinking about this recently and wanted to see others thoughts.)

Me and my husband both 22 have been married for 3 years and we have 3 under 3 and last night we tried 69 and i’m telling you all to try it if you haven’t we have had a hard time with sex between me either being pregnant or being postpartum we weren’t having sex but maybe once or twice a month but ever since he started eating me out and basically worshipping my body i haven’t been able to keep my hands off of him when we showered this morning he did it again and i swear it will change things and do the same back for him it’s important and hot

I (F31) and my husband (M30) have been married 2.5 yrs, together for 4.5 yrs. I’m going to try to stick to quick and dirty (def not sweet) to keep from rambling.

Everything was great dating and the first half of the first year of marriage. After those first 6 months he started pulling back and changing. I started feeling like something was wrong in my bone marrow and after another 6 months, 1 year now, he was paying for premium porn subscriptions and OF subscriptions. I begged for connection or anything from him that entire time until I found out. Then stopped begging and began waiting.

Another 5 or 6 months, now I’m still being a good wife keeping up with everything in the house, cooking meals, putting up the asinine remarks his mother made to me on the daily because that’s how often we would be there. Everyday. Before work, after work, all hours of the night. This about when I started working for our local school district. I was going from 6am to almost midnight everyday for 3 weeks to a month for him. He didn’t notice what it was doing to me until someone in his family pointed it out that I looked exhausted and then we could take a break from that for maybe a week. Until they got in it with each other and didn’t talk for a few months. ( Later on I’m told he did that for me because he knew how it was making me feel despite that it made him feel like he abandoned his mom and brother.)

His friend moves in with us from her bad relationship in Texas, she got weird quick trying to hit on me and convince me they’ve shared before. This only lasted 2 weeks. Later on we realized she was also stealing from us.

It’s now the end of the school year and I don’t get paid 1 month because it’s summer break, I’d been tryng to talk about it with him, we really need to strap down and start saving so we can still pay rent, I was I assumed he was too. It all fell on deaf ears, we ended up borrowing a month of rent plus’s an extra like $100 or 200. I started to see how bad his impulsive shopping was getting. Any conversation I started turned into him telling me I’m attacking him and don’t understand because that’s what he learned from his mom and he knows he needs to change that or work on it but it’s just really hard and he can’t really change it because that’s what he knows. Every conversation is now a repeating conversation like that.

He is chronically depressed and it really is every single day, all day. I’m going to sound insensitive now, I’m not I swear, it’s just that this feels more like a convenient excuse to get away with poor choices and behavior with no consequences or discussion.

At the beginning of the most recent school year I was hired on permanent. When I got confirmation, not when I signed the contract just knew that I would be, my sister and her bf just moved here from SoCal and they’re were staying with us, I was very stressed, he was very stressed. He started telling me I wasn’t doing enough, being hard enough on them, they’re making his depression worse and so am I because I’m talking to him with a certain tone and attitude in my voice that makes him fear me. We got in an argument one night and to take a grown up time out I went and started cleaning the kitchen and I heard him slam the bathroom door and out loud music on. This went on for 30 minutes and it was pretty late and I didn’t want another noise violation. So I’m knocking trying to get him to open the door and in the faintest weakest voice he’s just “no, I’m sorry, I’m going home now, dad dad I’m coming home, bro bro I’m coming home now” I had to get sisters bf to break the door down. He said he took an entire bottle of really old seraquil (forgive me on the spelling) and a half a bottle of 600 mg ibuprofen. I was hysterical and called 911 he got 51/50 and put in an institution for about a month.

At that institution he told me he was so miserable and it was so horrible but he left with new friends, 3, all female, whatever, I didn’t care. They’re just people that were there for help. Then he got a new job and insisted he needed this $5000 electric bike so he could get to work without an uber or city bus. I said that’s crazy, there are cheaper option to start with especially since we don’t know how this job will go for you and we have things we need to pay and I need help with rent. Yeah. He was in group chat with these girls and texted them that day I’m a selfish bitch that just can’t let him be happy for even 1 second before I tear him down and to shreds.

That was October last year. I’ve been paying rent, including when it went up, on my own no help from him. He was telling me that whole time that he was paying pg&e and internet/phone bills so I can’t be mad at him at least he’s paying that. And then in March we got an urgent letter from pg&e saying we had 24 hours to pay or it would be shut off. He hadn’t paid more than $150 to them 1 time in October and then just nothing. He tried to convince me that the bills pg&e showed getting larger was actually the payments he was making. I (un)fortunately just got a credit card to build my credit, that why pg&e never got shut off but my credit card is still almost maxed out because of that. Up until 3/4 months ago when he almost had his half of rent. The next month he couldn’t, then he only had $200, then only $100. So it’s been pretty stressful.

Anytime we argue or disagree he’ll tell me he wants to go back to the institution. Anything that makes him feel slightly sad or upset makes him want to go back to the institution.

In fact it’s that month I don’t get paid again and I tried talking with him at the beginning of this month just to be told I’m ruining a good night to watch I responded well I figured since we were having a good night that it would be best to try to talk about this calmly now, he says well it’s not I already know I need to stop pulling out of my checks early and start saving and I need to cut back on alcohol too because I’ve been drinking too much it’s getting out of hand again. Alas that didn’t even last a day and I can’t even bring myself to say anything anecdotally he was going on about this is the month his dads birthday is in and it’s so close after the month he died in 12 years ago and I won’t ever understand because I haven’t lost my dad or anybody really that close to me.

I told him my uncle died 2 weeks ago that I was close to and I got an oh I’m sorry while he stayed seated on the couch and I picked up.

(Oh yeah he drinks almost everyday, little 99 shooters, mixed drinks like 4 locos/ beatbox or mixing them so they’re extra strong, before work, after work, before we go in a store, after we come out, his favorite “joke” is I’m not an alcoholic they can admit they have a problem I can’t so I’m just a drunk! His older brother saw a glimpse of it and tried talking to him and was ignored)

Now last night. I have noticed the last few weeks, maybe month, that he’d been swiping messages away as soon as he got them or locking his phone/shutting off the screen as soon as it lit up. Weird behavior, definitely makes me think something is up but I’m not going to read over his shoulder. Then curiosity and opportunity got the best of means I did look in his text messages. Those girls he connected with in the wacky bin, he still talks to one of them. Actually, that night I tried to talk to him and ruined a good night, it’s crazy he was trying to go to a bar with her and decided to cancel on her and go spend time with me. I never thought those words would come out my mouth in that order, crazy work, crazy. And to make that even better, I then saw her ask him about our separation and how it was going to which he told her not well I’ve been coming by to get my things every once in a while and that we tried to work things out but we’ve decided divorce is our only option. And then told her he’s going back to the institute Monday can she go too (practically) to which she told him no I start a new job Monday. Then all the sudden he felt like he didn’t need to go back to the institution anymore, wonder why. I was told it’s cause he’s only comfortable in the facility and there’s no guarantee there’s space there so it’s not worth it.

I couldn’t even read the rest because he deleted the entire thing and blocked her and just kept telling me he’s sorry and he didn’t cheat, that wasn’t his intention, nothing happened. I told him you don’t have to be physically intimate to cheat, it seems like the intention was there. He swears it wasn’t. Then he told me read this and gave me his tablet that had a handful of journal entry’s on the notepad half saying I’m mean and becoming his mom I’m the problem, the other half (more recent) are saying how he’s the problem and maybe he’s becoming his mom and he feels like he’s draining me and doesn’t know what to do. I just gave it back and said okay because I didn’t know what else to say.

I’m shocked and not shocked at the same time. I knew it was going to happen again eventually and every other time I told myself next time it happens is the last time but can never bring myself to walk away because now I’m like the others that just walked away or what if he hurts himself again.

What would you do if you were in my shoes? What would you tell me if I was your sister/daughter/friend?

I’m genuinely curious,

How does it feel to have an emotionally regulated, and stable husband? That isn’t mad multiple times a week, miserable and make you feel like you’re the issue?

They just wake up happy, in a good mood and don’t bring you down in their pity party, and don’t place every single responsibility onto you.

Whomever has this, I’m sincerely envious. Hold onto them!

I’m tired y’all.

My husband asked me last night if I would give him a BJ while he looked at a photo of another woman’s bare tits. I am speechless. Thoughts? Opinions? I am thankful for anything at this point.

So an issue has come up within our relationship. We honestly had no clue about what entails getting a home but we got educated and are somewhat ready within the next couple of months. Except me (the gf) worry about not being married and doing this type of commitment. I’ve always dreamed of a wedding and it being somewhat romantic but not outrageously massive and dramatic. I’m honestly open to just getting married at the court and doing it very simple just because I value marriage very much. My parents have been married for over 30 years and have a great relationship so that’s something I look up to. My partner and I spoke about it but he seems to get upset easily when the topic is brought up and I state that I’d want marriage before buying a home together. He’s on the same page on getting married and asked me months ago if I would even marry him (way before any conversation of getting a home) but then he doesn’t care about it and wants to hold that off for the future when we talk about it. he states “I don’t want to lose an opportunity to get a home just to do a marriage first” and there was one time where he said something about value and ownership being taken when married and etc.. i honestly am clueless of any of that info about marriage and don’t care much nor thought a married partner would be getting some sort of ownership. He gets paid more than me right now but I still bring in income as well and we both do rent an apartment together. After I finish my school (1yr left) I’d be making equally as much as him…I’m stating to worry that I shouldn’t remain in the relationship with him since marriage is a commitment he won’t do before buying a home. Am I overthinking it/wrong or I’m not sure how to do about this.

Has anyone had an experience like this and how’s it going or how’d it go? (Not being married but bought a home together)

Is it better to not be married or to be married ?

Legal things to consider when being married vs not married?

Me (29m) and my wife (27f) have separated recently. I feel terrible for what I felt was best for the kids in the moment but I was also very heartbroken and emotional at the time too and now I don't know if I did the right thing. She initiated the separation and wanted to get a job to eventually move out but at the same time wanted me to still provide everything and live in the same house in separate rooms. I immediately said no and basically left her to live with her retired parents with our kids (my hours don't allow me to have them live with me as they are too young for school and I can't afford daycare).

At the time I felt it was the best decision because I am an absolute wreck over this separation. I'm madly in love with my wife and extremely devoted and I know that if we were in the same house it'd be constant arguing and emotions all over the place as I want more than anything for her to stay and work through her issues together. I didn't want them to be in the middle of that and since her family is close by it seemed best as she could have them be watched and work a full time job instead of a weekend job.

But it's been a few weeks now and I'm desperately missing my family, it's a hard transition coming home to everything I work hard for to coming home to nothing. I've also been outcasted by mutual friends and people I've never met for "abandoning my family". I thought I did what was best for the kids while also trying to support my wife in what she was wanting to do (she needs to find who she is outside of being with me and wants independence for once) and now i just don't know if I did the right thing or the wrong thing.

I do think it's wrong for doing what I did without discussion with my wife but I don't think the decision was the wrong one. I guess I just need some outside opinions

Do you feel it's cheating if two consenting adults are just chatting sfw type behind their partners back.

My husband (33M) is recently disabled and I (30F) am really struggling with our relationship. I was a SAHM for 5 years while my husband worked blue collar jobs. Over the last fews years he has had several back injuries and 2 back surgeries that have left his practically disabled. He could have had these issues looked into years ago but he didn't. He also could have filled for disability over a year ago like I suggested, but he wouldn't because he didn't want to be labeled "disabled". I've taken over the role of being the breadwinner for our family of 6.

While I was staying home with the kids I still contributed financially and I was responsible for all of the cooking, cleaning, most of the childcare, and all of the Dr.'s appointments and phone calls. Since I have gone back to work I am still expected to provide for the family financially, do all of the cleaning, cook dinners on nights I am off, transport the younger kids to daycare (my husband watches the older kids (9+5yrs) during the summer since we both decided that it isn't safe for him to watch the younger kids (3+2yrs)), and handle almost all of the appointments and phone calls.

I've tried numerous times to get some help from him since I am really struggling with all of the responsibilities. Every time that I try and bring up the fact that we are drowning financially with just my income, he shrugs his shoulders and doesn't provide any helpful suggestions on how we can get more money. He refused to entertain the idea of him getting a job that he can do while disabled. I have tried to hold down 2 jobs and full-time school but wasn't able to balance everything. I gave up the job I hated and going to school which I loved and so desperately wanted. I make more than most people with my job title but it is nothing compared to what he used to make.

He is very limited on what he can do physically since the last surgery (3 months ago), which I understand, but I think he's taking advantage of that. He spends the majority of his day sitting and watching TV or messing with his plants as his hobby. Whenever I ask him to make a phone call for me or the kids he says he'll try to get to it. Same thing with trying to sign up for assistance programs. We've lost the opportunity to sign up for multiple assistance programs because he never got around to the paperwork before the deadlines. There's only so much I can do working all day during the week.

I've really been struggling with my mental health and overall health too, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. It is always more important to him that he gets sleep to heal, that he gets his medications before the run out, that he gets alone time and that his health is taken care of. My wants/needs have been ignored. I am trying to be patient and compassionate but I keep remembering that he didn't offer me the same courtesy while I was pregnant, sick, and depressed during my stay-at-home journey. He just thought I was lazy and didn't offer to help then either.

I hate coming home lately because I can never talk to him about anything because he "forgets" important details and I have to remind him about consistently or doesn't have anything to add to the conversation before turning to topic at hand to something that he wants to talk about. I don't have any family or friends in the state that we live in and I am feeling very alone. We have no money for me to see a therapist or get my health concerns addressed because every penny is spent on bills or his healthcare.

To make matters even worse I feel like all 4 of my kids hate me. Whenever I am home I am grumpy because I am overwhelmed, the chores are piled high, the house is always a mess, and he never enforces rules I have with the kids. The kids have refused to listen to me about anything so I end up yelling at them in frustration. This only makes my husband yell at me and call me a bad mother. All I want is for them to do their chores and be hygienic and I am fighting with them over it by myself. They would all rather hangout with dad who lets them do whatever they want. I am so tired of being the bad guy and I feel like they are going to grow up hating me.

I don't know what to do.

I think my toxic relationship turned toxic marriage, has made me have arrested development , if that’s the word for it, and i’m losing my mind.

We have been together 10 years, since I was (19) and him (23). He’s my only romantic relationship i’ve ever had. It was drug fueled, domestic violence filled the first 4-5 years. We sobered up more and “matured”, had some normal years, felt like we were really on track, we had kids (something i told myself to never ever do, because I knew it would end up like this). But everything from the beginning still weighs heavy on us now, at least for me.

I do think he tries to makeup for it, but not in the way I need, not in the way that will actually heal me and the connection i have for him. He’s never really said sorry in a way that makes up for the past physical abuse.

i’m constantly battling who I am, because i don’t know what adult life is without him being apart of it. The what ifs eat away at me constantly. I’m no where in life that I thought I would be, 19 yr old me would kill me for allowing it to be this way.

But also the what ifs, if I do leave. what if we really could’ve made it work, what if i regret it and never love someone like i love him, what if I have to endure seeing him move on and give someone what he never gave me. why should i let him get a clean slate while i carry the baggage from it forever. But now i feel immature having those thoughts, seeing it typed out.

At 29 i feel like i should be so much more, more mature, better emotional regulation, a better handle on everything, but Im not. I suffer from OCD, extreme insecurity, self-isolation. Sometimes I even catch myself talking and acting just like him. Because it got to the point where i couldn’t just be a helpless victim, i have to defend myself (verbally, not physically) ,but it makes me a person that i don’t want to be or my kids to see.

I look in the mirror and still see that stupid teen who wanted love so bad, she accepted that love as punches, kicks and emotional abuse. I still have occasional nightmares of how bad it use to be, even if he raises his voice now about anything, i immediately see the man who would kick holes in walls and call me names. in a really sick way, sometimes i do wish he would go back to being like that, then i would have no choice but to leave and the shame of breaking up our family wouldn’t be on me.

I no longer can block it out as i have done for years so I’m constantly weighing the guilt of not wanting this life while also he’s not that person anymore. He really is my best friend. So why didn’t i leave when he was at his worst but now that he’s “better”, i want to leave and never come back, but that’s not really an option since we would be coparenting for the rest of our lives anyway.

im always the first person to tell others to run, because i know how sick it feels to stay, but i never have taken my own advice.

I don’t really know where i’m going with this or what responses im even looking for but i have no one in my life who is also married or even would understand how i’m feeling. I use to have my mom but for various health reasons she can no longer give advice. I wish i had taken all the advice she gave me years ago and listened, she tried her best to save me from this outcome.

(idk if i will delete this, im sorry if I do, i feel so much shame even typing this. even being anonymous makes me so scared to post)

My husband (29m) and I (28f) have been together for 13 years and married for 9. We have had our ups and downs but for the most part have been able to communicate and work things out.
For the last couple of years though, my husband has been watching and seeking out porn. I’m fine with basic porn, I get it. Masturbation is a quick release and sometimes you need material to work with. But this isn’t just normal porn. These are OnlyFan girls posting on X. He has a whole X account dedicated just for this! He even had those Ai girlfriend things where you can sextalk etc. It’s concerning. I’ve talked with him before about how it makes me feel and how he would feel if I did the same thing. I thought we came to a conclusion and that he understood my concerns, so he deleted X. This has been really messing with my mind and as a result my own drive and desires have plummeted. I find it hard to want to even get in the mood because mentally that’s all I can think about. To be clear, we had this conversations a few times for other incidents but I hadn’t truly realized how big it was till I discovered the X account.
Fast forward to today, I find out he has another X account dedicated to porn again. I just need to know if this is something that is common? What and how can I get across that I don’t feel comfortable with this and frankly can’t even fathom getting into the mood because all I can think of is this.

I’m lost and tired. Any kind advice would be appreciated.

for the marriages that have experience. do you ever regret not having that last child? husband had his vasectomy two years ago. the thougths of one more are coming to my mind more often now and it's killing me! does it ever go away? what are your experiences?

We've been a couple for 26 years, married 24. 3 kids. We‘ve had some really tough challenges to overcome. Plenty of hurt to go around. Years of therapy. Personal growth.

I’m struggling in one particular area that I cannot seem to crack. My wife insists that she needs to hear words of appreciation and words of praise. She is very convinced that this is her love language and that if I could just get it right, our marriage would improve immensely. I believe her. Or, I believe that she believes this.

But I just cannot seem to do this correctly. Every positive comment on her beauty is a sexual advance. (It isn’t). Gratitude for her high-earning job is transformed into keeping her around for her earnings. The words that do “land” don’t seem to trigger reciprocal feelings or expressions of love. For example, telling her she’s the “whole package“ (intelligent, beautiful, kind, capable…), gets a “You‘re righ! I am the whole package!“).

Outside of my marriage, I’m pretty great with people. I feel confident saying that I have good people skills that I have made a deliberate effort to develop and improve.

Because this is such a challenge. I’ve been asking things like:

“what is it that you like to hear?“

” Help me say something affirming and appreciative that resonates with you.”

“ Can you give me some examples of what works for you?“

A few months ago, we had a really great week where she felt very connected to me. ( I did not know this. To me it was a normal week.)And it culminated in really great sex, that I did not initiate, but was certainly glad for. The next morning, I asked what caused it and she said I had just been really awesome during the week, but she couldn't give me any concrete examples of what I did differently. Just that she felt appreciated.

well, it’s come up again today, and thats why I’m posting. She says,

“I also want you to hear that over the years you have placed the burden on me to give you a checklist and I have consistently told you this does not work for me.“

”When you ask me to give you the words to say to me, I hear that I am not worth the effort. That you do not want to be bothered, and that any neglect I feel can be considered my own fault.“

“I refuse to take responsibility for this any more. If you do not want to provide words of appreciation or affirmation, then say so - stop trying to pretend I’m at fault for it.”

“And if you do want to do this for me and for our relationship, then TRY. Just try. I will give you feedback on what works or what doesn’t. But have the guts to at least try.”

“And stop expecting me to do it for you.”

[Obviously, I don’t think she’s provided a fair characterization of the situatio, but I’m not sure that really matters, since this is about her feelings. You‘ll have to trust me when I say that, if I could get it right consistently, I would do so.]

So, anyone have any insight to share?

I (34F) have been married to my husband (37M) 7 years. We have a stable marriage and are both quite busy with qualifications and house work etc. We do not have any children, but a few dogs.

Long story short, EVERYTHING he does makes me irritated. I just ask for some time to not speak and be left to do my qualification and whatever else. I am so close to finishing this qualification. I have been doing it for a few years so its been rough. Every single time I get going with the evening and weekend studying again, he needs me every 20 minutes. He has interrupted me 6 times in one hour. It is making me absolutely irate. I have had to ask at least 20 times for some space. He still ignores.

We have been fighting a lot for the past year or so. Maybe even past the point of fighting, because neither of us have the energy. I am to the point where everything he does makes me angry. I feel like he is always bothering me and making my life much more difficult than necessary. I can never get away from him. He sits upstairs on his computer 18 hours a day and I just cannot handle it anymore. We have had so many talks over the years about so many issues in our relationship and they never change. I stay home from work, he stays home. It's making me crazy.

I love this man and like I said, our home life is stable etc. Is it possible that we can come back from the constant irrititations?

If you just ended you marriage would you go immediately into another "formal " relationship? Or how long would u recomend being single?

i'm 36M married and having a kid has been mutual decision for both of us. but we've been struggling, my wife isn't conceiving. last week, our gynecologist told us she has ovulation issues, which is affecting our chances of having a child.

i am still processing it, has anyone here been in a similar situation? how to deal with this kind of situation?