Introversion is NOT shyness. Why is it so hard for people to understand this?

People constantly mistake having a low tolerance for crowded social environments with being scared of people. They act like if you don't want to stand in a noisy room full of strangers, you must have social anxiety or a defect that needs to be "cured."

My extroverted friends would occasionally drag me to big events with crowds of people I don't know, claiming they’re "helping me overcome my shyness."

I’m really not shy. Shyness is being afraid to speak up, but I have zero issue doing that. If someone in a room says something ignorant or sexist, I’ll call them out and correct them on the spot. I’m confident, I know how to talk to people, and I actually prefer quiet, one-on-one conversations.

I just don't enjoy wasting my energy on high-volume group noise. Sitting in a massive crowd or being forced into those stupid group icebreaker circles where everyone takes turns sharing "fun facts" isn't real socializing, it's just draining and artificial.

Introversion is about energy management, not fear. My social battery has a limit, and I'm selective about where I spend it. Crowded events and superficial group chatter drain me fast.

Stop assuming introverts are terrified just because we don't like noisy crowds. We aren't broken, we don't need exposure therapy, and we don't need anyone to "cure" us by forcing us into environments we hate.

Anyone else constantly deal with people mislabeling your battery limit as shyness?

39m with no gf or anything. I have one friend left but he’s busy tomorrow. I am close with my parents and will have dinner with them in a few days. Almost no relationship with my brother. I normally don’t celebrate my birthday because it’s lonely and sad but since I’m turning 40 it feels like I should be doing something special. I think I will go to the lake for some kayaking and fishing.

I do love my introverted life, I’m usually happy and things are mostly good, but man celebrating my 40th by myself kinda stings not going to lie.

Just declined a promotion at work. Again.

The role would've been genuinely perfect for me, better pay, more interesting work, a team I actually like. But it involves presenting to stakeholders once a month, and just thinking about standing in front of 15 people makes me want to disappear.

This is the third time I've turned down something I actually wanted because of this. My brain just shuts down the second more than a few people are looking at me.

Tried Toastmasters once, but honestly being in a room specifically designed to make you nervous in front of strangers just made things worse for me. Also tried a few apps that track how many filler words you use, which is a neat stat I guess, but knowing I said "um" 47 times doesn't actually stop me from saying it again.

The part that gets me most is I know this is holding me back. I watch people who are way less qualified than me move up because they can speak in a meeting without their voice shaking.

Anyone else feel like they're sabotaging their own career over this? What actually helped you get comfortable, not the generic "imagine everyone naked" advice, but something that genuinely worked. Starting to feel like I'm going to be stuck like this forever over something that logically shouldn't matter this much.

Hi there! I’m a 26 yr old dude with social anxiety who’s trying to be more social and make more friends, even if it’s just online. I was wondering if anyone else was in a similar situation and would like to chat or maybe become friends. I think it would be nice to meet people who understand what it’s like, and maybe even hang out if we vibe.

I find myself in this situation quite often, I see a person I wanna talk to but when it comes to the actual conversation i have no clue how to start it my mind goes blank and I struggle to find words this is most evident when I'm trying to talk to my crush how do I fix this?

It's something I've always wanted to do. I would love to just leave the UK, go to a small island somewhere and hardly talk to anyone for months on end. I feel like my personality doesn't mix well with the fast paced culture in the UK.

I’m in my 40s and honestly really lonely. I don’t have friends, I’m not in a relationship and I’m gay. I spend way too much time just scrolling on my iPhone and most of my social interaction is with my parents. It’s tough.

Hi everyone,

I’m trying to understand myself better and I’d really appreciate some honest perspectives.

I’ve always been a very introspective and independent person. Since I was a kid, I naturally spent a lot of time alone — not in a negative way, but in a calm, peaceful, almost “alive” kind of way. I enjoyed quiet moments like sitting outside at night, watching the sky, thinking, or just being present. Even when I felt sadness, it felt real and meaningful, not empty.

I’ve had friends growing up, but I was never into constant socializing, parties, or being around people all the time. I always preferred my own space and my inner world.

Now I’m living with my girlfriend, and I’m struggling a lot.

It’s not that she’s a bad person — she’s actually very kind, caring, and wants to build a home together. But I constantly feel:

• overstimulated by her presence
• drained by conversations (especially small talk)
• uncomfortable with constant physical proximity
• like I can’t fully relax or “be myself”

The hardest part is this:
Even when I try to be affectionate or engaged, it doesn’t feel genuine. It feels like I’m acting.

When I’m alone, I feel immediate relief. My body relaxes, my mind clears, and I feel more like myself again. But when she’s around, I feel tense again.

Lately, I’ve also noticed something worrying: I feel emotionally “flat”. Like nothing has depth or flavor anymore. I used to feel things deeply (even sadness), and now I mostly feel numb unless I’m alone.

So I’m trying to understand:

• Is this still within the range of normal introversion?
• Or could this be something like high sensitivity, burnout, or incompatibility with cohabitation?
• Are there introverts here who felt like this in relationships, or is this a sign that something deeper is off?

I’m not trying to blame anyone. I’m just trying to understand myself and what kind of life actually fits me.

Thanks in advance.

My social battery for talking face to face, or even on the phone is fairly low. But I notice texting at length doesn’t bother me as much. I still get tired and disappear for a while afterwards, but I can conversate via text more at length.

I have some theories about why, do you agree or have anything to add?

There’s virtually no room for interrupting. With texting, you can type out your entire thought and send it in its completion. Will the recipient actually read it? No guarantee. But at least you got to *say* what you wanted to say, without being cut off.

The lack of physical presence. I’m kind of averse to eye contact, but even sitting side by side and talking is draining. Maybe it’s the nonverbal communication that I’m sensitive to. I pick up on subtle cues and microaggressions/passive aggression, subtle communications of emotions, etc. It’s tiring to constantly be in analysis mode while trying to formulate coherent thoughts into words. It seems like an introvert thing, since we tend to spend more time observing than speaking. Some of us might be more sensitive to technical aspects of the conversation, like incorrect statements or opinions conveyed as facts?

Masking. Idk about you, but I’m a recovering masker and people pleaser. The PP is due to trauma, but masking I think stems from (American) societal pressures to be outgoing and overly expressive, especially as a woman. It’s tiring contorting my face and vocalizations to come across as more palatable to outgoing types or those that believe in gender stereotypes.

Depth. We have a lot going on upstairs and sometimes it can be difficult to widdle it all down into a simple statement. I’m not saying extroverts aren’t smart, but in general I’ve noticed introverts are intelligent. Whether emotionally or intellectually. Our expansive minds think and/or feel very deeply, and it can be tough to compress so much info.

These are just off the top of my head. What do you guys think?

Hii, I’m 22F and after a breakup with my bf of 2 years I just feel like there is so much empty space. He was my only friend and it was so nice having a built in person. A relationship just comes with so much routines, dates, socialising with him or his friends etc. I don’t have much friends and I’m really shy / introverted. After the breakup I made a conscious effort to meet people, go to places/events and just do new things. However, it’s so much effort to organise hangouts with friends when you have no long-term close friends. I’m starting from scratch in the friendship department. Any advice ?

For context, I live in a place where it isn’t easy to make new friends. I am a PhD student and my hobbies include playing soccer, going to a local philosophy club, and running or artsy stuff. I don’t really drink and I’ve never been clubbing. I have like 2 friends and no close friends at all.

I know this might sound silly to some people, but today was actually a really important day for me. I went out hunting for Needohs at Target, and it was a bigger deal than just finding a squishy toy.

After my dad passed away unexpectedly, I developed severe anxiety and agoraphobia. Things that used to feel normal — like leaving the house, going into stores, or being out by myself — became really hard. I’ve been working on taking small steps, even when my anxiety tells me not to.

Today I pushed myself to go to Target. I walked in, looked around, searched for the Needohs I’ve been wanting, and I did it even though I was anxious. I actually found one I was hoping for (the cloud pleaser ☁️ ), but the biggest win was proving to myself that I could go.

My dad always believed in me, and I think he would’ve been proud that I’m still trying and still finding little moments of happiness.

So here’s to the little victories — and to Needoh hunting being a form of exposure therapy I never expected 😂💗

I recently moved back home after a rough break up, right now I’m trying to get my life together. But I’m not sure where to start or where to make friends. My whole social life was with my ex.

I was always pretty quiet. But I was a kind of a partier, loved going out and doing things, being surrounded by people. I couldn’t imagine living in a home away from the center of town.

I’m 28 years old and I just don’t have the energy to go out anymore, to make friends, sometimes I go out but I usually just talk to the same few people I already know.

Thinking about saving money to buy a house away from everyone but still close to my job one day. lol Everyone I’ve known over the years has faded away and they barely talk to me anymore, if at all. I just don’t have the energy to make new friends, I don’t see a point in it anymore. Last 2 relationships ended horribly. I’m just so used to being alone now.

Problem/Goal:

I’ll be an irregular college student starting in the second semester of my first year. I’m nervous about adjusting, catching up with my classmates, and making friends.
Context:
I took a break after my first semester and will be returning soon. I’m an introvert, so I’m worried about fitting in and handling college life.
Previous Attempts:
I’ve been reading advice online and preparing myself mentally, but I’d like to hear from people who have experienced being an irregular student.

Hello guys Maine kuch din pehle sai pallavi ki ek movie dekhi ek din jisme ek introvert banda bhut sharmata hai kuch express nhi kar paata jis se woh pyar krta hai yeh toh same meri story ho gyi maine bhi ek ladki se pyar kiya tha lekin aaj tak bta nhi saka pta nhi aaj kaha hai woh hum dono ne school se college aur phir coaching bcom tak hum log har jagah mil hi jaate the mai dil se respect krta tha hum baat bhi km krte the pyaar bhi tha sirf meri taraf se maine kabhi uss se pucha nhi ya bolo himmat nhi hui introvert hu na darr lgta hai ab mai jaipur shift ho gya hu 2 saal pehle aur woh bihar me hai ab na koi number hai aur na hi pta woh kaha hai lekin iss baat ko 6 saal ho gye jb maine last time usko dekha tha lekin jb yeh movie dekhi toh phir yaad aa gyi uski muskrahat uska hasna uska mjak krna uski sadgi i hope woh khus rahe jaha bhi rahe

Hello there I am 16 m and want friends ur age must be 16-20

Feeling lonely and wanting friendships are constants in my mind, problem is it’s so hard to make friends as an adult much less an introverted adult! Though at l times I prefer my own company and don’t want anyone to intrude.
I constantly feel like I’m missing the mark. There have been times where someone has genuinely reached out wanting to be friends/friendly and I push them away. I don’t have any friends because of trust issues/ things that’ve happened in the past. Anyone else suffers from this? Am I doomed?

Je ne suis pas sûre que cette communauté corresponde à ça mais j'ai déjà essayer d'aller sur des relationship advice mais ça ne parle que de romance ..alors je vais en parler ici.

Au tout début j'avais des amis sains mais ils ont tous déménager... après je n'ai eu que des amis toxiques ce qui m'a rendu littéralement soumises sans pouvoir dire mon opinion .C'était un quotidien où je me forçais à les imiter quitte à oublier moi même qui j'étais car c'est moins pire que d'être seule et de recevoir le genre de pitié qu'on a rien demander. Ainsi de suite j'ai continuer puis j'ai eu une autre amie mais qui était émotionnellement instable et qui n'arrêtait pas de pleurer ce qui m'épuisais mentalement même si elle était gentille et que je l'aimais bien. Pile à ce moment une élève avait taper dans mon œil on a discuté on est devenues amies puis je suis rentrée dans son groupe d'amis. C'était la 1 ère fois depuis longtemps que je discuter comme ça j'ai crue que c'était la bonne alors j'ai littéralement lâcher mon autre amie instable ( ce que actuellement regrette un peu et veut lui présenter des excuses ).

J'ai continuer comme ça mais petit à petit on a commencer à me reprocher que je n'avais pas d'écran et que j'étais toujours à la traîne alors encore une fois je me suis forcée ... jusqu'au Cm2 .Vu qu'on allait dans le même collège on a dit qu'on allait tous faire Chaap( option art plastique) et que comme ça on seraient tous ensemble. Au final à part moi personne n'est venu le jour d'entrée de test pour la CHAAP . C'était horrible car je m'étais rendue qu'on m'avait lâcher. Ça m'a vraiment fait pleurer quand j'ai vue qu'ils étaient tous dans la même classe quasiment et que j'étais la seule séparée aux milieux d'inconnus. Malgré ça j'ai continuer à les fréquenter mais ils continuaient à me rabaisser et à se moquer de moi en me donnant des surnoms méchants et en donnant de la fausse pitié en arrêtant pas de rigoler ça j'étais seule dans ma classe. Heureusement j'ai coupé les ponts et je me suis fait des vrais amis SAINS . Et j'ai même un peu repris contact avec 2 de mes amies donc 1 qui était celle instable mentalement. Tout allait bien jusqu'à ce que en mai une des mes amies SAINES dans ma classe de CHAAP me dit qu'elle va déménager. Vous allez sûrement dire qu'ils m'en restent d'autres. Mais CETTE amie là était littéralement le COEUR du groupe. Donc j'ai peur que si elle n'est plus là le groupe se sépare petit à petit. . . Surtout que ces derniers temps je ne m'entends plus trop avec une de mes amies qui était aussi avec moi dans l'ancien groupe d'amies ( on l'a quitter ensemble car elle aussi elle ne supporter plus ) .

J'ai écrit un gros pavé mais ça m'a fait du bien de me confier. Et si tu as lu jusqu'à la fin merci .

Can introverts become extroverts ?

I'm an introvert working in a profession that revolves around one-on-one conversations with strangers, and honestly, that's the hardest part of my job.

People often assume that if you work in a field like this, you must be naturally outgoing or love talking to people. The truth is, I don't.

I don't struggle with the work itself. I love numerology, I'm confident in what I do, and I know the value it can bring. What drains me is constantly having to interact with new people, build rapport, manage expectations, and sometimes deal with people who expect you to magically fix their lives or magically solve problems they're unwilling to take action on themselves. and Then there are those who have already decided they don't believe in it and seem more interested in judging you than understanding what you actually do.

What drains me isn't the work itself. it's the social interaction.
The other thing that gets to me is social media. In my field, the more visible you are, the more videos you make, the more you put yourself out there, the more people you reach. I know I have the knowledge, but I'm just not someone who naturally enjoys being in front of a camera or constantly promoting myself. I can't help but feel that I've missed opportunities because of that.

I don't think I'm in the wrong profession. If anything, I think I'm exactly where I should be. I just wish the social part came a little easier. Still, if I could remove one part of the job, it would be the constant need to interact. It's something I've gotten better at over time, but it has never stopped feeling like work.

I'm curious if other introverts feel the same. If you're in a profession that requires constant one-on-one interaction whether you're a therapist, teacher, coach, doctor, salesperson, consultant, or anything similar, does the people part drain you more than the actual work?

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I want to explore something like dating a sugar mommy.

I want to know about it how it can be, or something about it

And it's not about to explore its way to know genuinely about it or experience it...!!!