This isn't just about what I've personally faced and experienced, but also about my study of Islam.
I was born and raised a Muslim, and like other Muslims, I believed that Islam was the absolute truth.
I've always been a curious soul, so I began researching and studying Islam deeply. Along the way, I found a lot of contradictions. I used to study the arguments of Muslim scholars and academics regarding those contradictions, and most of them referred to different interpretations and similar explanations. Regardless, my faith was still strong.
Then I went even deeper. I discovered the mathematical error in the Qur'an regarding inheritance. I'm a student of science, so in my heart of hearts, I knew there was actually an error in the Qur'an. That was the first major blow to my faith.
I tried working on it myself. I made extensive notes about it and solved the equations on my own. The conclusion I reached was that there was, in fact, an error in the Qur'an. And because it was a mathematical error, no alternative interpretation could fix it. The arguments of Muslim scholars and academics regarding this issue weren't satisfactory at all.
It shook my faith, along with all the other doubts that had gradually seeped into my heart. I mean, if the Qur'an really came from an all-knowing Being, there shouldn't be a single error in it.
Regardless, I've been an unlucky person for most of my life, and for the last six years, I haven't been mentally well. Recently, some things happened in my life, and they turned out to be the worst possible outcome. I used to pray and ask Allah for good, but what happened was the worst of the worst outcome. It has completely shattered me and broken my soul.
I'm totally blank. I don't know what to believe anymore. I still haven't left Islam because I haven't yet channeled my thoughts into action. But I don't know how much longer I can hold on like this.