We need to stop thinking of these women as women, they are stunted little girls that have ran-through egos, is it not the worse thing in the world to put them in their place a little? She made me worship her as a little girl, I don’t doubt there was some sexual ideation and even abuse there because she wanted to be a god in her little family, I had all the symptoms as a little girl of sexual abuse. The breastfeeding, the abortions she had, the “wanting to be woman enough” for a pregnancy. And she has the GAUL to say I’m not woman enough because I am between jobs and not squatting in a man’s house on his dick for stability because I refuse to impose MY narcissism on someone, and I just CANT. I can’t do it!!!!!! Sorry, vent. My body isn’t a breeding machine, there are developmentally disabled women that can’t do much. These “mamma goddesses” are the grossest little twats. A lot of them take their boomer misogyny trauma and rape trauma and stuff out in their daughters. These are not women. They are bratty older sisters that decided to breed.

I have been working on becoming more in tune with my parts/emotional fragments as I have at least three known to me. Of a young me, a young teen me and then a less distinct one. In turn with working on becoming more connected to and compassionate and understanding of these parts, I have been reading. Mental health memoirs mostly. But, I decided to get the secret diary of Laura palmer and oh my god. It is highly triggering, I will say this and I am not directly encouraging anybody to go read it by any means necessary. Simply stating, resding this has been beyond eye opening and emotionally impactful for me. It is a good, healing hurt. I don’t think I’ve not cried reading this book once, and it isn’t even that I’m triggered, not really. It’s that I was her age, and I was going through the same, and I had these thoughts of myself as being older. I didn’t take my abuse seriously enough, and I still don’t; until maybe now. I could accept before this was abuse, but I didn’t truly listen to that. I didn’t feel in my heart that it was. And now I do. Reading, as an adult, about a child going through these things from her own perspective, waging it all and trying to figure it out and hurting all throughout. Especially given I was the same age (roughly). This is beyond painful and emotional and it has opened my eyes and given me perspective. I’m starting to understand myself, I’m holding serious judgement on what happened and compassion to myself. I’m truly happy. Even though I’m crying my eyes out. I’m happy that this is happening this is so important to me. I cannot even begin to describe how important and special this is to me. To be able to do this. To not feel that baseline of normalcy. It’s broken, my protective and stupid barriers in my mind have been broken and I can actually see now how awful everything that happened to me was and that my “complicity” in no way took away from that.

Self isolation is one of my coping mechanisms.

The friends I had growing up that saw what I was going through either made fun of me or dropped me because they didn’t want the baggage of being my friend. In college, I had few friends and I kept the ones I did have at an arms length. For example, they were absolutely shocked when I told them I left town to go to my dad’s funeral. I hadn’t told anyone he was dying or that he had died.

I moved across the country as soon as I was financially able. It’s been difficult to make friends as an adult who doesn’t have kids or go to church, but I have made a handful. One of them is kind and has opened up to me in the past so I thought it would be safe to do the same.

I’ve mentioned before that I have a history of childhood trauma but I never explained what it is. We have been friends for a couple of years now.

Friend asked how my grandma was doing. I decided to share an example of how my grandma wants attention for herself so she said something rude about her sister and I was annoyed with it. You could have heard a fucking pin drop. Neither her or her husband knew what to say.

I thought this would be a ”normal” thing to rant about because lots of people get grouchy as they get older. (That’s not why my grandma is grouchy but I figured they didn’t need to know that.)

It was SO QUIET for SO LONG. My first thought was ”fuck me, I guess“ and eventually someone changed the subject. Friend has tried to message me but not about anything serious. Just cat pics, etc. I have not replied. I don’t know how. We had a life altering interaction for me and they don’t even realize.

I have increasingly come to realize the sheer scale of the abuse I suffered, and I am simply falling apart mentally because of it. I grew up as the youngest daughter of an absent and extremely abusive father; my four older siblings endured unimaginable things at the hands of him and their mothers. My father abandoned them, married another woman (my mother), and that is how I came to be. My birth was a source of turmoil, and my siblings hated me because they saw me as someone who had made their lives worse. My mother was obsessed with the idea of ​​having a perfect daughter; consequently, I was forced to study in unreasonable ways throughout my childhood—to the point where I now have an aversion to studying. For instance, there was the day my mother made me write the number "8" one hundred times because I had written it incorrectly on a test; or when she repeatedly banged my head against the table to make me study; or when she said I could only eat if I got every math problem in the book right (I was between 7 and 10 years old during these incidents). Furthermore, my parents fought constantly, and my mother demanded that I take care of her and advise them on their relationship issues. My siblings were kicked out of the house and attempted suicide, warning me and begging me to do something to ensure their survival. I hate my childhood (and I’ve only mentioned a few details I could recall while writing this), but my adolescence was just as bad. My parents decided to move to the countryside, and we ran out of money; my mother cheated on my father and made me keep the secret, while my father would weep at my feet, begging me to fix the situation, even when we had no food or electricity at home. Eventually, they divorced, and my father never made contact again; after that, my mother would travel for days on end to see men, leaving me alone at home without food, electricity, or money. There were times when I managed to get some money, but I prioritized buying food for my cat over food for myself. I spent a month alone at home without hearing a word from my mother, with nothing but spoiled milk and bananas. When there was electricity, I’d spend the whole day sitting on the damp sofa—surrounded by moldy walls—watching TV and sleeping with my cat, trying to distract myself; it reached a point where I dissociated, and years of my life blurred into that single memory. I hate my home, my parents, myself and my life; I can't see a future where I feel any better... thanks for reading.

Also TRIGGER WARNING FOR CSA

I was attacked 6 years ago by an Irish traveller, I’m not sure if anyone knows who they are but they have a specific type of accent. Basically a subculture of people in Ireland. Where I live. I was verbally abused for over an hour while also being hit and head butted, this was outside at like 10:00pm i was completely helpless. Guards were eventually called. I’ve had issues with my home not being a safe place when I was a teenager also, my mother had a history of awful boyfriends who would subject me to abuse and one even molested me. For years as a teenager it never felt like a safe place. My mother and I have healed our relationship since and as an adult I’m still in the same house with her.

Irish travellers have just gotten the house next door,it’s been loads of them coming over at different stages of the day and night and they do talk to one another aggressively, threatening to “bate each other to death” etc. their accents are the exact same, they’re loud, they slam doors and shout nearly 24/7.

I’m in a state of constant anxiety and tonight I finally broke, all the memories came flooding back and now I’m in a state of ptsd and flashbacks of reliving what happened to me.

How do I calm myself In an environment where I’m reminded of this trauma all the time ?

I believe most parents are abusive.

I’m full-body shaking right now because I was so triggered by my step-mother’s treatment towards my 3 year old half-brother. I believe children are extremely sensitive beings, especially when they are so young. Because I have my own abusive experiences with my biological mother, whenever I see my father or my step-mom imitate that same behavior I can’t help but feel like I’m reliving it.

Like, maybe I’m overstepping, but at the end of the day I am his brother and I want to care for him in ways his parents maybe can’t, because they aren’t victims of abuse like I am and don’t know which behaviors are right and wrong.

My step-mother got frustrated with my 3 year old brother for screaming at her and isolated him in his room during a meltdown. If you know anything about childhood development you know you should never isolate a child in the middle of a breakdown. This isn’t about a “time-out” (though those are controversial too) but a full-on “I’m frustrated and I don’t want to deal with you, calm yourself down on your own.” That is something 3 year olds are famously incapable of doing, which is probably why he screamed at her in the first place.

I went in his room and had a talk with him to calm him down and explain to him why his behavior is wrong because if I’ve learned anything from being sent to my room during a meltdown, it’s that big emotions simply weren’t allowed. I never learned why my actions were wrong I just knew not to express myself too much if I wanted to be cared for.

I’m so scared of my little siblings ending up like me. That is probably my biggest fear. My step-mom came in while I was having a talk with my brother and said “Oh-you don’t need to. He’s fine.” Meanwhile, I’m shaking explaining to her “I just don’t think he should be crying alone.” She repeats herself in a sharper tone “He’s fine.” Sure he’s quieter now, but I don’t know if he was really was fine. I go back to my room because I get tired of explaining myself to her.

He’s alone in his room again right now, right back to crying just like he was before I came in and had a talk with him. Meanwhile, his mother is calmly folding clothes in her bedroom.

I have a really hard time trusting parents in general because I see so many of them act out of simple frustration. My step-mom is currently pregnant with her second biological child for goodness sake, I’m so worried.

I would also like to add that she is especially strict when my father isn’t around, to both me and my brother. Constantly trying to humble me by talking about issues she has with my behavior in the family group chat rather than 1 on 1. “Popping” my brother on the hand when she thinks no one else is around and sending him to his room while my dad is at work. Like, if you know it’s bad parenting why let your frustration cloud your judgement? I understand her being frustrated when her husband isn’t around to co-parent in that very moment, especially with her pregnancy hormones and stuff but.. it doesn’t make it right.

I’ve been low contact with my narcissistic mum for a few years, but I’m really struggling with the lingering impact of covert incest and emotional enmeshment.

Even though I’m physically away from her, I feel like my emotional and sexual energy is still trapped in that relationship. It almost feels like I’m "cheating" whenever I try to build new connections or focus on myself, because part of me is still tethered back there to her.

I want to grieve this and step into my own identity, but I feel so drained, enmeshed, and unsure of who I am.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of severe enmeshment after leaving a parent? How did you actually start untangling your energy from them and reclaiming your life? Any advice, shared experiences, or book recommendations would mean a lot.

I can’t stop crying

I feel so angry and defeated

I feel so betrayed and disregarded.

I know it’s for the best but I can’t help but feel angry that she let me get vulnerable and open up to her only to end things for the same exact reason I warned her would be an issue when we started dating and she assured me it wouldn’t

Now I’ve wasted my time and opened my heart in a way I never have before just to be thrown away for the umpteenth time

My mother traumatised me. I had a fear of moths. One morning there was a bunch of months in the bathroom and I was usually the first to shower in the morning for school. I begged and pleaded with her to remove the moths. She said she would.

I hid and ran into my room when she was removing them because she would deliberately try and scare me. She told me to come out and it was safe. I did. I was a little girl. She then had all the moths in her hand and shoved them into my trousers. I screamed and cried. My siblings laughed at me. I had severe tactile hallucinations after that. I said to my mum and dad I feel bugs crawling on my skin, I would wake up and cry and go to them and they’d tell me to go away and go back to sleep.

They didn’t care about me because they didn’t even want me they only had me to obtain citizenship.

I feel pain all over and I can’t handle and work through this trauma. I had a therapy appointment but they cancelled 1 hour before the appointment. I’ve rebooked since.

and it always finally comes over something kind of small. i've been crying for an hour and it's the first time in about a year and a half/two years. i'm so tired now. my face hurts!!!

I commented on both of these links here I don't know if anyone will believe it's me, I've been watching them on repeat for hours, it hurts a lot to see me like that on the outside it doesn't feel real, it hurts reading all of the thousands of comments saying how dumb I am how slow or special every perceives me to be, I suffer from a lot of mental health disorders but I suffer from cptsd and PTSD the most, depression, mood disorders, social anxiety, I've even been diagnosed we intermittent explosive disorder idk if that because my mother got all 8 of her children taking by CPS, at the time I was only 9months old, I've never had a support system or a family, I seen this reddit community and thought Id join I'll post the comment I wrote as well. I'm doing better now ofc I'm an adult im engaged I'm gonna have a child by just having a visual of some of the worst moments of my life is affecting me more than I though

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1BZXYKRZbN/

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbEpaNsBK3g/?igsh=MXQxaDdndXM1OGh3NQ==

PLEASE don’t scroll if you have the time to read this. i know i sound desperate but i need advice.

i constantly watch videos of this one person that doesnt know me, that talks about and has gone through traumatic experiences and disorders, and i usually think i relate to them. but the things they post about are really serious things like trauma based mind control and cults, but ive never even considered ive gone through something like that. i dont remember too much of my childhood. whenever they share an in depth experience of what happened to them, i think i went through something similar or almost identical to what happened to them, but i never knew about it until i heard about this sort of thing from that person. i’ve started to think that i’m stealing their trauma in order to to feel like something bad has happened to me.

the main perpetrator of my trauma would be my father, that i think has done most of the things. however, he acts really nice and caring towards me, and i want to believe it, but something in me constantly feels unsafe and in fight-or-flight around him. i do not see him anymore, and he’s been extra nice after i left. i feel like something did actually happen, but i have no proof.

with this same person from before, i hear about their alters and i try to mimic them within my own (questioning) system, and i think im faking that too. i basically try and merge my identity with theirs, and i dont know why. i feel awful about it, but i do it subconsciously at this point. am i actually making all of this up or could i genuinely have experienced that sort of trauma? I know this isn’t the best place to be posting this sort of thing, but I really just need help and advice from anyone.

Hi, I don’t know how much I am allowed to say on this app and what I shouldn’t say, just know I downloaded it to ask for advice.

I (18, female), looking back on my life in my home, noticed a pattern with the way my mom always behaved around me since my birth and still does. She never hit me, I can barely recount the times she yelled at me. It’s quite the opposite, I think I’m starting to believe she is wholeheartedly in love with me but maybe I’m just very paranoid.

She always claimed and still does that I could never survive without her. She stated multiple times that I am completely incompetent at life, unable to do ANYTHING, and that she will always stay with me because of that. She said it not with hatred but as a pitying a puppy. She said she’ll move anywhere I wanna move, go anywhere I wanna go. She does not plan on letting me go, ever.

She always says that I am her only true friend but all that I would be able to handle if not for the other things she does openly in front of my step dad, whom she hates. She playfully hugs me from behind, sometimes bites my shoulder, my arm, my neck playfully when she’s in a good mood, like lovers do. She exclusively uses pet names for me such as “baby” in Russian. She prefers sleeping with me and we have slept together from the day of my birth until I was about 8. When we would sleep together, we’d always be tangled tight around each other and she’d lace her fingers with mine and then brag about it and be happy in the morning.

The only times she would get upset at me, and I mean heavily upset, is when I would go out with other people and have fun. If I said I have a best friend that is not her, for example. She’d crash out and become depressed, her entire emotional security depends on me.

It feels disgusting to think that way about my beloved mom but I’ve had very explicit dreams about her since I was little because of the way we were inseparable (by her fault) and maybe because of other underlying trauma. Do you guys think this counts as abuse? Is this valid? And what the fuck do I do…

are there versions of being triggered that don't involve emotional flashbacks? I am wondering if what I always just described as 'being on edge' are actually emotional flashbacks. Aside from the anger, and depression, and panic, I end up pretty hyper vigilant afterwards. I have never described my symptoms as emotional flashbacks, it's always just me getting upset. I'm not always sure what my triggers are even though I've been tasked with identifying them. there are varying degrees of severity, which makes me wonder what really counts as an emotional flashback? how do I go about identifying triggers and at this point I've even started wondering if I understand my symptoms at all

emotional flashbacks are something ive seen posted about a bit and i just feel like i dont really understand the nuance between an emotional flashback and just a strong emotion. cant i just be overreacting? why does it have to be a flashback?

i could easily just have this conversation with my therapist, but she's out of town for two weeks and I think it'd be better to get a community perspective anyway.

24 y/o here, diagnosed with PTSD by two different doctors for two different reasons. Struggled with a plethora of mental illnesses since I was 12, sui attempt two years ago after years of sui ideation, recently granted disability last month. Had to fight my bf/abuser of 10 years in court for DV the same year I attempted. FINALLY escaped my abusive household moving in with a friend… only for said friend to take advantage of me because I can’t financially provide then kick me out. I have less than a week to find a new place. This has happened to me twice.

To say I am tired isn’t close to appropriate to describe what I’m feeling. I don’t have it in me anymore. I’m so eternally numb my body stays cold and this past month I‘ve been thinking about disappearing for good. But I have to keep going apparently… the little friends I have left cheering me on, the Angel numbers, the oracle cards telling me I’m gonna be okay, the encouraging messages I’ll see on ads or random posts. I have gotten so little sleep and the prazosin helps me anymore I’m being tormented in my dreams. Will I ever get to rest though? I feel like my body is stuck in fight or flight mode because I’ve never gotten a break not even after my attempt, I’ve been on the go. Will I ever have the option to chose NOT to fight?

Truly, when does the fight end? Or are we destined to be world class fighters our entire life?

*especially as it relates to self-isolating or de-centering emotionally neglectful parents.

I’ve been in therapy for over a year and have made a lot of progress but am only now realizing how traumatizing my upbringing was. My therapist’s specific license doesn’t allow her to diagnose but was prepared to refer me to seek a CPTSD diagnosis - we never got around to it for a bunch of random reasons. My mom survived her second suicide attempt within a 6 month period in May, and it was a dramatic series of events involving a secret affair and social media post confessions and a lot of lying. After getting her through that period, I realized never once did anyone sit down and see what I needed or if I was okay. I am expected to be patient and understanding and kind but have never received the warmth or connection I’ve given my parents.

I’ve been in freeze mode for years - I’m going into my third year of law school and have barely any friends and only go to class, work, and then come home. I make terrible financial choices out of convenience and sheer inability to get out of bed and cook/do normal human things - and I have over 300 text messages from group chats and friends, mostly all kind and checking in and wanting me to know they were there. I’ve lost so many friendships over the years because I can’t maintain consistent contact. I feel like a terrible person for not even answering anyone - but I’m just so overwhelmed all of the time (for no real reason).

I have a few close friends who are wonderful and supportive but they all have warm and generally functional, mature parents. They call their parents when they’re sad - their parents are genuine support systems (financial, emotional, etc). No one I know understands the specific loneliness that I can’t even describe. I came home from work today and have been crying for hours. I am homesick for a family that doesn’t know me at all - I have dread and shame for all the things I have avoided for months and years.

I just want to know what you would tell yourselves when you were starting off - how do I shake off the shame? How do I live a life that’s my own, and believe myself when I say it was traumatic?

TW: childhood physical and emotional abuse

I was abused when I was a child by mother's partner it went on from 4 till age 7, then unfortunately my mother continued on that abuse long after their relationship ended into my adulthood. He was definitely a little more sadistic in his emotional and psychological abuse. Just some of the less horrible examples, he used to ask me what my favourite flavour of something was lets say a yogurt for arguments sake, I'd say raspberry was my favourite and the hazelnut one was my least favourite, he'd then force feed me the nut one or if he hit me when i was crying off in a corner, he would bend down and ask gently where did it hurt most, i would point to it thinking her was sorry and he would just hit me there harder. My mother's abuse was less sadism and more shame. Constant comments on my appearance if I lost weight I was starving myself, if I put it on I was fat bla bla the usual. I've spoken about the abuse before, but i don't think i have about the self esteem. I'm 35 now, and still completely freeze when I'm asked to say anything positive about myself. My mind goes blank entirely. I can see the good qualities in absolutely everyone else, but see myself in such an incredibly harsh lens. I'm starting to realise that the voice in my head isn't naturally mine, but of those who thought me that anything I liked would be used against me and that showing pain would make the pain worse and that there was always something wrong with who i was. I know it sounds like a silly question cause of course abuse affects your self worth and esteem, mainly thinking it was my mother and her constant nit picking on how I looked. But it went so much deeper like my complete inability to accept a compliment in case something bad happens, i think if people don't choose to sit next to me on a full bus they're repulsed by me, I can never beleive that i walk into a room and some turns to someone else and says oh she seems nice. Did anyone else only realise years later how badly it had genuinley affected their self image?

I have had a rough go of it this year. I lost my pre cat to cancer after 3 months of treating her. people were supportive of me when I got the news, when I was treating her, and in the immediate aftermath of her passing. It’s been a few weeks now, and I’m still going through it. hit crying hysterically everyday, but just kind of feeling feeling a bit numb and lonely.

It feels like, over the past week, hardly anyone is responding to me. I had one friend cancel plans, and I’ve messaged different group chats multiple times and no one has responded to my suggestions to do things. I’m at the point where I’m just going to stop reaching out because it sucks to feel rejected/ignored over and over.

I live alone and work from home - and now I don’t even have my cat. I do have another cat, but he is much more independent and does his own thing. So when I don’t have social plans for a few days or so, I just barely communicate with people during that time. It’s depressing.

Abstract
Poor nutrition can cause us to not ingest several necessary vitamins, minerals, and essential acids, and lack of one or more of these will negatively impact our sleep. The solution is as easy as determining if we’re missing any of them, then ingesting them via food or supplements.

Here’s what I learned from recently making good progress with the chronic sleeplessness I've had for more years than I can remember. Most nights I’d get perhaps 3 hours of sleep per 24 hour period, and that usually wasn’t continuous sleep. After reaching a point where I could no longer go on in this manner, I did research and I realized I had extremely low levels of the following vitamins, minerals, and other elements that are essential for sleep. Ironically, I actually thought I had been eating healthily for all these years. This isn’t a guaranteed cure all but it’s worth exploring, and they’re incredibly easy and inexpensive fixes to implement

Salt
In my efforts to avoid high blood pressure I ended up ingesting far too little sodium, which can seriously disrupt sleep. I stopped eating processed foods a few years ago after I realized with horror that I was ingesting 9,000 mg of sodium (not salt, but sodium) daily. Unbeknownst to me, I probably needed most of it due to heavy sodium loss from weightlifting, cycling, etc. Now I add 10 g of salt into my food each day, and that seems to be the right amount for me based on how my sleep is improving. I live in America, where given our diet hyponatremia (eating too little salt) would never occur to most doctors as a possible reason for sleep issues.
If you happen to eat too little salt, just add more to your food. Nothing could be easier.

Magnesium
Magnesium helps improve sleep by calming the nervous system, relaxing muscles, and regulating melatonin. Physiological effects on sleep include:

• Nervous system relaxation: Activates GABA receptors to quiet brain activity and reduce stress.
• Hormone regulation: Helps lower cortisol levels and supports natural melatonin production to maintain the sleep-wake cycle.
• Muscle function: Relieves physical tension and helps prevent nighttime leg cramps.

You can easily fix low magnesium by taking a supplement, or eating foods high in magnesium (which is the best way to absorb vitamins and minerals).

B Vitamins
In particular, Vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine) assists in converting tryptophan into serotonin and melatonin. Deficiencies can cause psychological distress or insomnia, while balanced levels improve overall sleep quality. Vitamin B12 (Cobalamin) influences circadian rhythms and melatonin suppression. Correcting a deficiency can normalize sleep-wake cycles, but high levels or evening doses can trigger alertness and wakefulness.
Taking a B complex supplement (containing all the B vitamins) or eating foods rich in B vitamins is the fix for this deficiency.

Essential Amino Acids
There are 9 amino acids considered ‘essential’ because the human body can’t make them from other components as it can with the other 11 amino acids. That means if we don’t ingest enough essential amino acids we are guaranteed to experience a range of negative effects, many of which will likely impact our sleep. Tryptophan is the main essential amino acid related to sleep, and is a necessary component to making serotonin and melatonin, which most of us are familiar with as being crucial to relaxation and sleep.
The good news is a single scoop of whey protein (about 30 grams, depending on the manufacturer) is enough to provide all the essential amino acids you need, even if you’re highly active.

These are some areas I recommend you look into if you’re suffering from chronic sleeplessness. Given the constant stress we trauma sufferers endure and the fact we often don’t take proper care of ourselves, we could easily be worsening our sleep issues via a lack of proper nutrition.
I arrived at these conclusions via my own research and experimentation because I’ve yet to meet a doctor I thought capable of sussing out a complex issue like this (doctors in the US medical system are harried by administrators and fearful of lawsuits, so I know that affects their ability to properly diagnose issues). However, you can get a blood screening to assess your sodium, magnesium, and other factors to see if low levels may be contributing to your sleep issues. I hope this helps.