Please don't scroll past. If you've been where I am and found your way out, your story could give me—and others reading this—real hope.

How did you recover from chronic fight-or-flight or freeze? What helped the most, and how long did it take?

Even a few sentences could make a huge difference. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. 🙏

That’s it, that’s the post

Trauma makes you some sort of second caste of human I swear, you can’t access help and you get bullied for it

I shared my experience about how my parents and siblings would literally beat me up for fun, laugh at me when I was hurting and suffering, triangulate with my brother and turn my whole family against me, and bully me until I became suicidal..and I got downvoted because apparently “abuse is almost always unintentional.” I admit, I shouldn’t have shared my own experience on another’s thread. I was responding to a blanket statement though, because we really can’t make blanket statements about how almost every abuser is unintentional about it, because this is simply not true.

This is so harmful for those of us whose abusers are seriously malicious and cruel people. To say it wasn’t intentional is triggering and I won’t be gaslit into believing otherwise. The only motive my family had to hurt me is the simple fact that I exist. They know/knew what they are/were doing. It was always intentional.

I’m glad there are people out there who have never had to experience such a horrific type of abuse, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Our first instinct should be to protect survivors, not silence them because we can’t wrap our heads around it.

Defending abusers and ganging up against survivors is never the answer.

TW: Neglect, emotional incest.

My mom went through a really traumatic event when I was a toddler, and she neglected me for a long time. She would lock herself in her bedroom, and I just had to kinda fend for myself. I used to wander around a lot in the neighbourhood and hang out with my neighbours.

But then her behaviour sort of shifted, and she intensely fixated on me. My therapist says she parentified me, but I think it was more intense than that.

She would discuss her sex life with me, her finances with me, I slept with her in her bed for years. She would tell me that I'm the only reason she's still alive, that I'm the best person in her life. She has an unhealthy connection to me.

Luckily I moved out four years ago for college, but I still talked to her every day. She would constantly talk about how miserable she is without me, how she would welcome me back into her house at any moment, or how she wants to move to where I live to be closer to me. I told her not to do that because I move to a different place every year due to work and my partner.

She tells me she loves me, and I feel guilty for thinking she's abusive (therapist and my partner say she is). Could she be abusive without knowing it? Whenever I bring up that she's abusive, she says she isn't and things aren't as bad as I remember it.

is this a huge trigger for anyone else? I live in a densely populated city, and my house is on the corner of a busy street. not only do I get postal service workers etc knocking on my door, but SO many solicitors too. there’s one group in particular that goes door-to-door every couple of weeks and they will return to the same door 3-4 times per day, standing there knocking every minute for like 5 minutes each time.

I don’t think it’s a trigger that comes from any particular traumatic experience. it’s more of a feeling that my peace and privacy are being threatened. like I feel so exposed, I never answer the door and instead just sit silently in fear, holding my breath. then I’m on high alert for at least an hour afterwards, expecting them to kick my door down or something.

is this a common experience for y’all? I feel ridiculous because it’s probably just a girl scout or something, but a simple knock on my door will easily ruin my entire day 🫠

So recently my therapist told me that I would continue to have difficulty making friends and meaningful relationships, if I talk about my life experiences.
I’m not sure how to feel about that.

I’ve never set out to tell people about my issues or experiences. But in conversation when people ask questions, what are you supposed to do, lie? Or tell them that you don’t like to talk about anything.

I get it though. Most people don’t know how to sit with or give agency and space for someone with trauma. So does this mean I can only be friends with other people with PTSD and Traumatic Stress?

Does anyone else here have a 10/10 ACE score? An ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score is a tally of traumatic events experienced before age 18, ranging from 0 to 10. And I check off all of them. 😔

I am the partner of someone with cPTSD and I’m just wanting to understand them better however they aren’t very open about it. I understand everyone is different but I’d appreciate ANY insight that isn’t just google stuff. TIA

TW: childhood physical and emotional abuse

I was abused when I was a child by mother's partner it went on from 4 till age 7, then unfortunately my mother continued on that abuse long after their relationship ended into my adulthood. He was definitely a little more sadistic in his emotional and psychological abuse. Just some of the less horrible examples, he used to ask me what my favourite flavour of something was lets say a yogurt for arguments sake, I'd say raspberry was my favourite and the hazelnut one was my least favourite, he'd then force feed me the nut one or if he hit me when i was crying off in a corner, he would bend down and ask gently where did it hurt most, i would point to it thinking her was sorry and he would just hit me there harder. My mother's abuse was less sadism and more shame. Constant comments on my appearance if I lost weight I was starving myself, if I put it on I was fat bla bla the usual. I've spoken about the abuse before, but i don't think i have about the self esteem. I'm 35 now, and still completely freeze when I'm asked to say anything positive about myself. My mind goes blank entirely. I can see the good qualities in absolutely everyone else, but see myself in such an incredibly harsh lens. I'm starting to realise that the voice in my head isn't naturally mine, but of those who thought me that anything I liked would be used against me and that showing pain would make the pain worse and that there was always something wrong with who i was. I know it sounds like a silly question cause of course abuse affects your self worth and esteem, mainly thinking it was my mother and her constant nit picking on how I looked. But it went so much deeper like my complete inability to accept a compliment in case something bad happens, i think if people don't choose to sit next to me on a full bus they're repulsed by me, I can never beleive that i walk into a room and some turns to someone else and says oh she seems nice. Did anyone else only realise years later how badly it had genuinley affected their self image?

Does anybody else feel like they were nerfed from the get go? I feel like I’ve reached a point where it’s pretty much impossible for me to progress or move forward. It’s a miracle I’ve even managed to make it this far and yet here I am oozing with greed..

I have these weird reflexes where I immediately cry, flinch, or advert my gaze away whenever I see items like baby bottles or pacifiers. I react negatively to it, most of the time I burst into tears. I don't understand what caused these reactions in the first place. ​​​​

A few days ago I went out with my girlfriend, stopping by an aisle looking at some beverages, she ​​showed me a Korean yoghurt drink in the shape of a baby bottle and I immediately broke into tears. It was devastating.

I experienced these reactions for a while now, if I remember correctly I begin feeling really uneasy and disturbed by baby items ​​​​​at a very young age. And if you're wondering, no, I love children, I'm not afraid of children.

I'm really struggling with this and could use some help. I've just started therapy and plan to ask my therapist for ideas but I don't see them until next week and the need is pretty immediate.

(I hope it's ok to ask this and I'm not triggering anyone. I didn't specify the type of trauma to avoid that but if this isn't allowed please let me know. Thanks in advance.)

CONTEXT

My husband knows my diagnosis/what caused it and is very supportive. That being said he struggles at times to understand my behavior, especially around hypervigilance and feeling safe. And I'm having trouble explaining it to him.

Without going into detail the flashbacks I'm experiencing mean I don't feel safe anywhere, including all the places that used to be my go to's (like specific spaces in our home).

WHAT I'M STRUGGLING TO EXPLAIN

* The events occurred a long time ago in a different place, so it's difficult to explain how that means feeling unsafe where we live now (e.g. feeling unsafe in a room in our home vs the room where the events actually happened).

* Why I felt safe somewhere a month ago (like a mall or coffee shop) but today just walking into the space can trigger an anxiety attack.

* Why the reaction isn't consistent - so why some days I can handle being in a space and others I can't.

* Why going outside is an issue when the person who hurt me is hours away and physically incapable of hurting me anymore.

Maybe I'm just nuts and no one else has these reactions to things that happened years ago but I'm really hoping someone else knows what I'm talking about because I have no idea how to explain this. Any ideas are appreciated.

I don't think I do. I can't explain it, I feel like I'm just a vessel walking around carrying all the traumas that my ancestors endured for generations. One after another they stack on top of each other. I'm carrying them with me every day. Some days it breaks through my carefully built walls of disassociation and substance abuse like a flood gate. The waves coming and drowning me, like they'll never stop. But then all of a sudden it lessens and lessens to a small stream, and I can breathe again. Sometimes the waves hit for moments and ease, sometimes they keep coming and last for hours, all the while I'm trying so hard to keep my head up.

I'm currently tapering off of an antipsychotic I really don't know if I needed, and the withdrawal has been brutal. The emotional rollercoaster, fatigue, nausea. The horrors persist but so do I.

Anyways, just a rant. Wondering if anyone has imagined their overwhelming moments in similar ways. Hugs xx

I believe most parents are abusive.

I’m full-body shaking right now because I was so triggered by my step-mother’s treatment towards my 3 year old half-brother. I believe children are extremely sensitive beings, especially when they are so young. Because I have my own abusive experiences with my biological mother, whenever I see my father or my step-mom imitate that same behavior I can’t help but feel like I’m reliving it.

Like, maybe I’m overstepping, but at the end of the day I am his brother and I want to care for him in ways his parents maybe can’t, because they aren’t victims of abuse like I am and don’t know which behaviors are right and wrong.

My step-mother got frustrated with my 3 year old brother for screaming at her and isolated him in his room during a meltdown. If you know anything about childhood development you know you should never isolate a child in the middle of a breakdown. This isn’t about a “time-out” (though those are controversial too) but a full-on “I’m frustrated and I don’t want to deal with you, calm yourself down on your own.” That is something 3 year olds are famously incapable of doing, which is probably why he screamed at her in the first place.

I went in his room and had a talk with him to calm him down and explain to him why his behavior is wrong because if I’ve learned anything from being sent to my room during a meltdown, it’s that big emotions simply weren’t allowed. I never learned why my actions were wrong I just knew not to express myself too much if I wanted to be cared for.

I’m so scared of my little siblings ending up like me. That is probably my biggest fear. My step-mom came in while I was having a talk with my brother and said “Oh-you don’t need to. He’s fine.” Meanwhile, I’m shaking explaining to her “I just don’t think he should be crying alone.” She repeats herself in a sharper tone “He’s fine.” Sure he’s quieter now, but I don’t know if he was really was fine. I go back to my room because I get tired of explaining myself to her.

He’s alone in his room again right now, right back to crying just like he was before I came in and had a talk with him. Meanwhile, his mother is calmly folding clothes in her bedroom.

I have a really hard time trusting parents in general because I see so many of them act out of simple frustration. My step-mom is currently pregnant with her second biological child for goodness sake, I’m so worried.

I would also like to add that she is especially strict when my father isn’t around, to both me and my brother. Constantly trying to humble me by talking about issues she has with my behavior in the family group chat rather than 1 on 1. “Popping” my brother on the hand when she thinks no one else is around and sending him to his room while my dad is at work. Like, if you know it’s bad parenting why let your frustration cloud your judgement? I understand her being frustrated when her husband isn’t around to co-parent in that very moment, especially with her pregnancy hormones and stuff but.. it doesn’t make it right.

Abstract
Poor nutrition can cause us to not ingest several necessary vitamins, minerals, and essential acids, and lack of one or more of these will negatively impact our sleep. The solution is as easy as determining if we’re missing any of them, then ingesting them via food or supplements.

Here’s what I learned from recently making good progress with the chronic sleeplessness I've had for more years than I can remember. Most nights I’d get perhaps 3 hours of sleep per 24 hour period, and that usually wasn’t continuous sleep. After reaching a point where I could no longer go on in this manner, I did research and I realized I had extremely low levels of the following vitamins, minerals, and other elements that are essential for sleep. Ironically, I actually thought I had been eating healthily for all these years. This isn’t a guaranteed cure all but it’s worth exploring, and they’re incredibly easy and inexpensive fixes to implement

Salt
In my efforts to avoid high blood pressure I ended up ingesting far too little sodium, which can seriously disrupt sleep. I stopped eating processed foods a few years ago after I realized with horror that I was ingesting 9,000 mg of sodium (not salt, but sodium) daily. Unbeknownst to me, I probably needed most of it due to heavy sodium loss from weightlifting, cycling, etc. Now I add 10 g of salt into my food each day, and that seems to be the right amount for me based on how my sleep is improving. I live in America, where given our diet hyponatremia (eating too little salt) would never occur to most doctors as a possible reason for sleep issues.
If you happen to eat too little salt, just add more to your food. Nothing could be easier.

Magnesium
Magnesium helps improve sleep by calming the nervous system, relaxing muscles, and regulating melatonin. Physiological effects on sleep include:

• Nervous system relaxation: Activates GABA receptors to quiet brain activity and reduce stress.
• Hormone regulation: Helps lower cortisol levels and supports natural melatonin production to maintain the sleep-wake cycle.
• Muscle function: Relieves physical tension and helps prevent nighttime leg cramps.

You can easily fix low magnesium by taking a supplement, or eating foods high in magnesium (which is the best way to absorb vitamins and minerals).

B Vitamins
In particular, Vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine) assists in converting tryptophan into serotonin and melatonin. Deficiencies can cause psychological distress or insomnia, while balanced levels improve overall sleep quality. Vitamin B12 (Cobalamin) influences circadian rhythms and melatonin suppression. Correcting a deficiency can normalize sleep-wake cycles, but high levels or evening doses can trigger alertness and wakefulness.
Taking a B complex supplement (containing all the B vitamins) or eating foods rich in B vitamins is the fix for this deficiency.

Essential Amino Acids
There are 9 amino acids considered ‘essential’ because the human body can’t make them from other components as it can with the other 11 amino acids. That means if we don’t ingest enough essential amino acids we are guaranteed to experience a range of negative effects, many of which will likely impact our sleep. Tryptophan is the main essential amino acid related to sleep, and is a necessary component to making serotonin and melatonin, which most of us are familiar with as being crucial to relaxation and sleep.
The good news is a single scoop of whey protein (about 30 grams, depending on the manufacturer) is enough to provide all the essential amino acids you need, even if you’re highly active.

These are some areas I recommend you look into if you’re suffering from chronic sleeplessness. Given the constant stress we trauma sufferers endure and the fact we often don’t take proper care of ourselves, we could easily be worsening our sleep issues via a lack of proper nutrition.
I arrived at these conclusions via my own research and experimentation because I’ve yet to meet a doctor I thought capable of sussing out a complex issue like this (doctors in the US medical system are harried by administrators and fearful of lawsuits, so I know that affects their ability to properly diagnose issues). However, you can get a blood screening to assess your sodium, magnesium, and other factors to see if low levels may be contributing to your sleep issues. I hope this helps.

does anyone else get totally unregulated after a small bad interaction or a random bad happening? if a patient is mean to me at work it puts me in an ENTIRELY different state. my coworkers are able to bounce back but it puts me in a dark zone.

it’s honestly embarrassing. it’s very hard to not let things bother me. for example, my coworker was just treated very rudely by an asshole patient for no reason. she was very stable and was able to laugh and tell me a funny story. she even interacted with him again and she was TOTALLY unbothered. if that was me, i wouldn’t be able to make eye contact or give anything other than short responses…

im very hyper vigilant of other people’s moods too. it makes working around people suck. if someone has a different tone or is just caught up with something else, it really gets to me

what med do i need to stop this cus therapy has never worked

I was in an episode of this for about a year to a year and half recently. It was such a struggle to find any sort of support as it seems this isnt well talked about and mental health processionals seem to be quite inept to deal with it. I had a therapy session recently and was trying to adress it but to no avail. My therapist asked me if I felt like I had control over my life. I told her, "*no how could I?*" With this symptom occurring yearly and very few ways to cope with its aftermath or to stop it from happening.

Has anyone here found ways to cope with this or strategies to reduce the high level of fear of it happening again?

That's it. That's all I needed, that simple little effort would have saved me so much suffering but no. For most my life hugs have been a rarity, a fantasy. No matter how bad things have gotten, no matter how close I was to skewering myself nobody hugged me. They'd cry, send me to the hospital, get me therapy, put me on illegal medicines but never just put their arms around me and squeeze. Years, I've lived like this for years and I just want it to stop. There's so much wrong with my life that could have been fixed with just a small bit of touch.
why did my parents even have a child if they couldn't be bothered to just hug them?

Every time I drag my half dead body to safety it starts breaking down like a shitty car

Normally I smoke zaza b4 bed and that totally empties out my brain.. (You dont really dream much when u smoke.) However Im noticing that it doesn’t work anymore !! Eeek! Does anyone have any tips ? I dont like melatonin cos It makes me moody.. I just want to dream about something nice for once!