I’ve been struggling with the abuse I had from a person with BPD. I’ve had trouble finding providers that are knowledgeable and experienced with the specifics of Cluster B abuse and how to deal with them. The trauma impacts me a lot and it’s exacerbated my other illnesses that I have, sometimes it’s really hard to function because of it.

What kinds of providers should I be looking for? How can I tell if someone is experienced in these issues and helping me deal with them?

Hi everyone,

I'm 23F and I honestly feel like I've lost who I used to be. A couple of years ago I felt like a normal person. Now I feel like I'm just existing instead of living.

Some of the things I've been struggling with are:

Constant emotional numbness. I don't feel much anymore, even towards things I used to love.

Dissociation/derealization. Sometimes my room doesn't even feel like mine, like I'm in someone else's house. I can look around and everything feels unfamiliar.

I struggle to know what I actually like. I'll stare at things I own for ages trying to work out if I genuinely want to keep them or if I'm just attached to them.

I constantly seek certainty. I question purchases, decorations, hobbies and even things I've owned for years.

I overthink almost everything, especially objects. I can spend hours wondering if something belongs in my room or if I actually like it.

I feel guilty getting rid of things but I also crave a minimalist room. I want fewer possessions but making decisions feels impossible.

I don't really get excited about hobbies anymore because I worry I'll run into problems or lose interest.

I compare myself to other people a lot and feel like I'm behind in life.

I feel lonely even when I'm around people.

My memory feels worse than it used to be and the last few years almost feel like a blur.

Sometimes I don't feel connected to myself or my surroundings.

I miss the person I used to be and I just want to feel human again.

I've been to my GP. They found vitamin deficiencies which I'm treating, and because some symptoms seem linked to my menstrual cycle they suggested seeing a gynecologist. But I still feel like there's something more going on.

The hardest part is that I can't trust my own feelings anymore. Instead of thinking "I like this," I think, "Do I actually like this?" over and over until I'm anxious.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Did therapy help you reconnect with yourself or understand why you felt so emotionally numb? If so, what type of therapy helped?

I tend to dissociate (de realization) due to childhood trauma. My therapist thinks I should keep facing it until it gets better but I’m starting to wonder if it’s just making it worse. When I dissociated during a session he just got awkward and fumbled through trying to keep talking about my initial trauma even when I asked for something more comforting. Is this normal? Could he just be a bad therapist and I’m not seeing the red flags?

As far as I understand, there are people with specialized therapeutic needs, for instance those with strong homicidal ideation, or CPTSD, or pedophiles, whom a standard therapist will not be able to help much due to a lack of training or experience. Obviously, reaching out to a specialized therapist is not affordable for many people.

In circumstances such as these, is it better for the person to get whatever therapy they can afford, or for them to go without? I want to know if inadequate therapy can be worse than no therapy at all.

So I have a lot of trauma with therapy thanks to my parents and I was also misdiagnosed when I was younger. I tried telehealth therapy a few months ago and got diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, and depression. I’m no longer seeing that therapist as she had terrible connection issues and I didn’t feel very comfortable around her. Unfortunately my mental health just keeps getting worse and even though I really don’t want to, I think I need to find a therapist. The problem is there are very few therapist in my area that take my insurance and offer in person therapy. I found a therapist I think would be a good match but it turns out she only does telehealth. Idk does anyone have any opinions on telehealth vs physical therapy? I just feel like I’ll have a hard time connecting with the therapist if it’s over the phone and I feel like I would have more motivation to attend the appointment if it’s in person. I just don’t have a lot of options and am unsure what to do.

I'm 17 years old and I can't stop thinking about my partners past. The thought of this eats me alive man. My stomach turns at the thought of it, I've had days ruined because the thought consumed me so much. She is an amazing person and treats me so well, which is why I feel so horrible for the thoughts that run through my head. I brought it up to her today after bottling it up for so long, and she didn't judge me. She apologized, and she told me she'd be there for me for whatever I need. I feel bad because I understand my thoughts aren't her responsibility, and I want help. I want to combat these thoughts. I want them gone, man I hate them with a passion. I thought I could handle this struggle on my own, but it started to weigh on me too much. I'm in a household where I can't go to therapy, and I've looked at online programs but I can't afford it. If anyone can help me with this I'd forever be grateful. I love this girl with all that I have in me, and I don't want my own negative thoughts to ever get in between us.

This is a rant that may require a certain degree of cultural understanding as to how indian society and families work. Wondering if anyone else has had a desire to cut ties with their parents but arent able to? How do you cope?
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I do not want a relationship with my parents. I am 38 and living in canada but back home (India) my family and inlaws live in the same city and are very close to each other socially. I do not have even a remotely good relationship with my mom and stepfather. Ever since I was born, I was raised by my very loving maternal grandparents and one day (I was in grade 6) was yanked from their home and brought to my parents house overnight with no discussion or asking mine or my grandparents opinion. This was followed by years of sexual assault at the hands of my stepfather and after finally disclosing it to my mother all i got was a sorry from my stepfather and had to still continue living with them. I always had a feeling that my mother knew about the abuse but chose to not see it or do something about it. This pattern of playing victim and choosing to not do what is right for me has continued till date. I am pregnant with my second child now and she stated that she so wants to be here for my delivery but cannot because its a month and a half after my brothers wedding and that she will still be wrapping up the wedding stuff. She has always had a pattern of going around talking to relatives and telling everyone made up stories about how great our relationship is and how much she wants to do for me but almost always other things keep getting in the way and poor she is not able to do any of those things. It impacts me when these lies are told to my in laws because other peoples idea of our relationship and the reality of it are entirely different. Its erasure of my experiences and lack of acknowledgment of the missing connection as well as the wrongs that were done. I am expected to perform in front of others and am expected to talk to my parents regularly over the phone despite the fact that all i can talk about is weather. Nothing more. How do i keep myself sane and not be too impacted with the dysfunction and lies and performance?

Clarifying that I am not waiting for her to be any kind of a mother. I have never had that with her so i do not know what it would look like. She and her husband took me away from safety, from the only parents i had ever known: my grandparents who raised me till grade 6,and i will never be able to forgive them for that. It felt like life was a chess game and since the day i was born, i kept getting placed wherever other people wanted. While the first decision to have my grandparents raise me was one of great safety and relatively freer life (my parents lived only two streets away and still controlled every decision about me), the second decision ripped me away from all safety and comfort I had ever known and thrust me into a highly dysfunctional abusive situation where i spent years trying to survive. This has impacted everything in my life. Example, All my decisions regarding where to go and what to study were not based on safely being able to think what am i interested in (i had no idea) but more around what keeps me away from home longer. The collateral damage was also being away from my grandparents and not being there even when they passed within months of each other, but i had been grieving that loss for years already.

To be clear, I’m not actively looking right now. I just sometimes have the feeling I will be one of these days, and I’d like to have some things figured out before then lol

As the title says, I’m a Christian. If I were to start looking for a therapist, should I look for a Christian therapist or a secular therapist?

On one hand, a Christian therapist would be able to relate to me on a spiritual level, and help me navigate things through a faith based lens. However, I’m worried it’d only be from that perspective and wouldn’t include purely practical advice and analysis, if that makes any sense.

On the other hand, a secular therapist would be able to look at things more or less objectively and practically without religious bias. However, they wouldn’t truly have the perspective that I do, and that might affect connection and understanding.

I’ve never been to therapy or spoken to a therapist, so I don’t know how this works at all.

I know that Reddit doesn’t have the best option of religion, specifically Christianity, but I figured I’d ask the folks here anyway. I appreciate any input :)

​

I was diagnosed with acute Gastritis and non alcoholic fatty liver disease almost two weeks ago. I also have severe iron deficiency, these issues are all likely due to H Pylori (a stomach bacterial infection) but I am getting tested this week.

The thing is I also used to struggle with Anorexia as a pre teen and teen.

I am now overweight and weigh 185 lbs and am actually supposed to lose weight. I also have to be on a limited diet due to the gastritis.

Since ive been diagnosed ive been eating things such as mashed sweet potato, white rice, plain chicken, apples, overnight oats with oat milk and honey, peanut butter, apple sauce, whole wheat toast, over medium eggs. I have been avoiding sugar, butter, fried foods, acidic foods. I am also on 20mg pepcid, an wcid reducing medication.

But I haven't seen any improvement in symptoms at all, if anything I've gotten worse. So now I am scared i have to limit my diet even more, google says I should be absolutely bland and avoid stuff like overnight oats and peanut butter as well as eggs.

Seeing that sends me right back to my teens and I even found myself on google looking at images of gross looking food to make myself lose my appetite and not want to eat. I have barely been eating since this diagnosis because I also have ARFID (Another eating disorder related to autism and texture issues) and all of my safe foods have tomato.

I want to at least be able to eat overnight oats and toast with peanut butter. I am tired of Chicken and rice with salt and no other seasoning to the point I have not had real food besides apple sauce in two days.

I don't know what to do its like i choose between burning and pain in my stomach and throat or just not eating at all. I have also been getting into the issue where I starve myself and then give in and binge foods that aren't safe.

I don't know if this is something I bring up to my therapist or not or if they will be able to help me at all. I do see my actual doctor on Friday but this is a thing where physical health and mental health are like both at play so it's tricky.

I don’t know why is that, but I just can’t. There is so much going on my brain. Childhood issues. Unresolved issues with my parents. Being bullied as a kid that resulted in lack of self confidence and feeling that I am never good enough. I don’t know I think I am embarrassed to talk about them? But why is what? My therapist is great but I think I keep directing my anxiety and depression to other things and never open up to her. Has anyone suffered from this? How did you get over it?

Hey all, first time in this sub, and I wanted a place to vent, maybe get some insight.

Long story short, Mother did something bad... Real bad, so much so that my sisters are calling her out, insulting her; one of them even threatened to cut her from her recently born grandson.

Then theres me. The only male in the group, the son, the mama's boy, sometimes feels like I'm the golden child, and I hate it... My mother is a complicated person with a messy, muddy past, and it's led her to do some less-than-noble things while she was growing up. Even so, our small family circle made it work.

...But recently, today it came out that she was doing something I'd rather not get into, and it, of course, led to it being them against her: sisters, grandmother, etc. I may be a mama's boy, but I can recognize what she did was wrong... The problem is the crash-out that came from her was intense, even to the point where she threatened real physical violence towards one of my sisters who was the most affected, like SHE was the victim in all this somehow.

I love my mother, my sisters, my whole family... But fights and arguments are common; they happen, but this time it feels more intense than ever, so much so I'm worried something is going to happen. But my real issue is that I care too much. I care too much about what might happen, what this means for her relationships in the bigger picture, and what she might do if this boils over.

I'm very empathetic to a fault; you could be a complete stranger to me, yet the moment you tell me you're having a very bad day, my day becomes worse as a result. And because of this, I stress a lot about friends, family, and minor things to the point it causes me mental and, recently, after the news got out, physical pain. My chest felt like it was being squeezed, my eyes started hurting from crying, and my movement was wonky (Felt like I was going to collapse from walking)

I don't think theres a real solution to this, other than her finally owning up to her faults and at least attempting to apologize on her own terms... But this constant worrying of mine, the stress, the anxieties, how it hurts me on such a level... It's messing with my life. I want to care and be there for everyone, but it's starting to cost me, and I can't stop it. Is there any way for me to just... Care less? Focus more on my own troubles while still looking out for everyone? Even with their massive flaws?

I spend so much time in my head playing out entire conversations with people I know or might run into. Like I'll be in the shower or walking somewhere and suddenly I'm having this full dialogue with my boss about something that hasn't even come up yet, or I'm explaining myself to a friend about a situation that doesn't exist.

The weird part is these conversations feel so real in the moment. I get worked up or relieved depending on how the imaginary talk goes. Then the actual interaction happens and it's completely different, or sometimes it just never happens at all. But I've already spent all this energy on the fake version.

I brought it up once to someone and they looked at me like I was describing something totally bizarre. But it feels like such a constant thing for me that I assumed everyone did it. Now I'm wondering if this is something I should actually talk about in therapy or if it's just a normal brain thing that I'm overthinking. It doesn't exactly ruin my day but it does take up a lot of mental space and sometimes leaves me drained before anything real even occurs.

Anyone else experience this or have thoughts on what it might mean?

I’m looking for a therapist on Spring Health who is okay with keeping the camera off during virtual sessions.

I’m pretty camera shy, and I communicate much more comfortably over audio. The problem is that Spring Health doesn’t seem to indicate which therapists require video, so I’ve been booking appointments a week out, messaging therapists individually to ask if audio-only is okay, and then canceling when they say no.

Is there any way to filter therapists by this preference on Spring Health? Or has anyone found therapists on the platform who are comfortable with audio-only sessions?

I’d really appreciate any tips or recommendations. Thanks!

PS : I just want to vent about my job and life without being judged. I’m not trying to work on being a shy person.

What are some of your favorite therapy moments?

Personally I absolutely love it when I share something wild that happened in life and suddenly it feels like chatting with a friend, the belly laughs and the “wait wtf no way!” and the waiting on the edge of their seat for the next sentence of the story. The therapist’s real personality peeks through, you feel that warmth like a hug, their eyes sparkle, you sense their enjoyment too. I don’t seek out these moments or tell stories to entertain or anything but gosh its so fun when this happens.

I've been noticing this pattern where I feel like I'm constantly watching myself from the outside. Like I'm aware of how I'm sitting, what my face is doing, whether I sound normal when I talk. It's exhausting.

Even when I'm alone I catch myself sort of narrating what I'm doing or imagining how it would look if someone was watching. I don't think it's full dissociation because I'm still present, but it's like there's this extra layer of self-awareness that won't turn off.

The weird part is I can't remember when this started. I've been in therapy for a few months now but we haven't really dug into this specific thing yet. My therapist knows I have anxiety but this feels different than just worrying about stuff.

Sometimes I wonder if other people experience life more directly, like they just do things without this constant internal commentary. Or maybe everyone feels this way and I'm just more bothered by it? I don't know.

I'm curious if this resonates with anyone or if there's a name for what this actually is. It makes it hard to enjoy things because I'm always slightly detached from the moment.

I've been in therapy for a few months now and something my therapist said last week keeps bouncing around in my head. She asked if I ever feel like I'm watching myself from the outside, and I realized that's basically how I operate most of the time.

Like I'll be having a conversation with someone and there's this weird split where part of me is talking and another part is analyzing how I sound, whether I'm being too much or not enough, if my face is doing the right thing. It's exhausting. Even when I'm alone sometimes I catch myself narrating what I'm doing as if someone's watching, which sounds unhinged when I type it out but it's true.

My therapist suggested it might be a defense mechanism from growing up in a house where I had to constantly monitor everyone's mood to stay safe. That makes sense I guess, but knowing why doesn't make it stop. I don't even know what it would feel like to just exist without the commentary track running.

Anyone else deal with this? I'm trying to figure out if this is something that can actually change or if it's just how my brain works now. Some days it feels like I'm so far removed from my own experience that I'm not sure there's a real me underneath all the performance.

So I’m in therapy for childhood trauma mostly related to family problems with my divorced parents. I don’t have a relationship with my dad and a rocky one with my mom.

I recently got a new therapist as my old one I was working with for a while retired from being a therapist. Well this new one I gave her the run down of my backstory and issues and have had a few sessions with her. I told her at my last session that I’ve been feeling very upset lately because I want a relationship with my mom but it hasn’t been going well.

My mom barely talks to me unless I talk to her first and she’s very emotionally immature. I have always felt like I was the parent over my mother and always felt those roles were reversed for us. I was basically just venting to her and telling her that sometimes I feel guilty for not having a better relationship with my mother.

Now here’s the part that really bothered me. She responded to me telling me that I should just lower my expectations for my mother and that I just need to understand that she’s doing the best that she can and that I basically need to accept that. I’ve never had a previous therapist tell me that and most previous therapists have been trying to work with me with feeling less guilty. This seemed to just make me even more guilty. Idk if I should try to find another therapist but also I don’t want it to be a case where if they dont tell me what I want to hear then I’ll just find another one who just takes my side on everything even if I’m in the wrong. Idk any thoughts, advice?

Oh my god what have I just witnessed I feel like the world season wondrous something ever fallen in my lap and I’m just flabbergasted and fucked like emotional explosion crazy good

Hey everyone, thank you in advance for reading this and taking time to give some advice. I really appreciate it.

I’m in my early thirties and have decided to pursue therapy to ultimately correct some bad habits/coping skills, heal from my childhood trauma etc

I’m also currently awaiting results for an autism assessment (this is relevant)

I just had my third therapy session with my therapist and like the last two appointments she only talked about herself. The first appointment, sure I get it. We’re seeing if this is a right fit, no big. Second appointment, conversation revolved around her and her private life (to be honest, I don’t remember much I was kind of annoyed but I figured okay if this is a pattern, I will see that by the third session and I will evaluate from there)

At first, I thought okay maybe the conversation isn’t directed towards my goals/my reason for being here right now because she may be waiting for the results of this assessment. But then I was like no that doesn’t make sense

Well today, sure enough, I learned about her family, home living, etc. I tried to steer the conversation to me by offering something that was relatable to the topic she was on but it didn’t stick.

Is this normal? I haven’t had a therapist in years, since I was a teen and was really looking forward to doing this for myself but now I feel like I’m just throwing money into a fire.

Hello, I have really been struggling resonating with "traditional talk therapy" for lack of a better term, and am trying to narrow down what type is best for me.

I have some major attachment issues (which previous providers have just minimized or outright ignored), I have self-identity issues in the way of a very fragmented, chameleonesque personality, and associated self-esteem and social anxiety issues. I think I have a degree of body dysmorphia as well, as I was always a heavy kid and adult--but losing significant weight has not done much to remedy my image of myself--again, this has not even been touched on by my previous therapists (going on seven + years of looking for "a good fit").

Anxiety, depression, addiction are all included in my issues, but I believe they're more biproducts of my deeper-rooted issues. The culmination of professional advice from my last therapist was to join a book club or a run club or a church to expand my community. I know I need community, but he completely ignored my deepest rooted issues that I was forward about wanting to discuss. I want to believe there is help for me, but I am struggling to see where or how.

What type(s) of therapy/treatment should I look in to? Sorry I don't know where else to look

I was misinformed on something very intense and ended up misinforming a friend. I am babysitting their plants but I am afraid I may have screwed up.

The person who misinformed me is now just making up different lies and stories to the friend and me.

How can I take accountability for the negative impact this made on my friend?

At the moment I am waiting for them to be ready to text me back but I'm worried they may never.

Never meant to hurt anyone, just relaying info I didn't know was so so wrong.

I’m having my first psychiatrist appointment in a little over an hour, and I’m unsure of what to even talk about. what was your first appt like and what would you have done/not done looking back?

I would really really appreciate some guidance as to what type of therapy / treatment would be best suited as I’m really starting to loose hope that I can actually heal (after many years on and off of talk therapy and nearly 3 decades of depression) and maybe therapy just isn’t the right way to go and perhaps something else would be better?

So far I’ve tried:
Various forms of talk therapy
EMDR
And been given information about IFS

Where I think I struggle is that I can understand the logic without being able to heal the emotion. The logical and emotional sides of my brain are totally disconnected. For example, a painful experience like getting hit and shouted at by my parents. My logical brain can understand that my parents were unable to control their anger because they had difficult childhoods and carry those wounds, and know that parenting children is extremely difficult and exhausting, and it was the norm at the time.
But my emotional brain can’t help but still feel extremely hurt that they did this to me, and never apologised or changed their behaviour, and I have internalised a lot of these emotions into self blame and feelings of worthlessness.

I find it difficult to stay with strong emotions and tend to numb out when things get very overwhelming, which is why I struggled with EMDR. After learning a bit about IFS I feel like I’d really struggle with trying to talk to different parts of myself, it’s a bit too, maybe abstract, for me.

Is there any type of therapy that can help someone like me?

Hi everyone if you guys have any personal problem which is killing you . Share with me you all ok

Hey so I start college this fall and have known myself to be struggling for at least 5 years now slowly getting worse and getting better every other year it seems. I’ve got a lot Im really scared of talking about because of their potential implications. Is this common? I feel like I’m living in a body horror flick and it doesn’t help much when it actually does feel like my mental state is impacting my body :/