I am single and in my late 30s. I was born and grew up in Asia. Then I moved to the USA in my mid-20s. I am a scientist by profession.

Recently, I had some very good news about my job ....But my parents and sisters (they live in asia) dont understand what I do and what success looks like in my job. I needed someone to share this great news.

I was also thinking that I have no one to lean on if something happens to me. Does not matter if it's sorrow or happiness.

I am feeling unhappy about my success. As a single person, how do you celebrate your success?

I met someone on a dating app recently. He came on super strong, seemed obsessed with me, and we had great chemistry. It happened fast and it all felt a little too good to be true.

Wouldn't you know, it was. I started snooping around online and found a post about him in an Are We Dating the Same Guy group. Several women were saying he was a dick in one way or another (stood them up, arrived late, threw a hissy fit when rejected), and a couple mentioned he had been posted before and that he was evidently married.

I confronted him, and he did a very convincing imitation of someone who was being wrongfully accused. He said he had been divorced for several years (after two dates, he hadn't mentioned an ex wife), that he dated while separated and "didn't lead with that," and that now people were going to tarnish his name in the public square for eternity.

You know I actually felt bad for him. So much so that I wondered if I was being unfair and I saw him again. I know, I know. I was temporarily under a spell that made me very stupid.

But I soon came to my senses and did some more "research" in that group. I found a post from around three years ago (it's not easy to search in there, so this took some digging) with 104 comments. DOZENS of women who had gone out with him said he lied about his age, job, and most importantly, being married. One woman even said he was pursuing her six weeks after his wedding.

Now... this post is about three years old. I wouldn't be surprised if he is at least separated at this point, if for no other reason than he is a cheating son of a bitch. But I don't know for certain. He could very well be married and living with his wife.

I know the wife's name and I have a few channels to contact her. I'm leaning toward just blocking him and never thinking about it again, especially considering I find the volume and ease of his lies genuinely scary, but part of me wants to give her a heads up.

This man is a serial cheater and he has been running this scam for YEARS. I think the odds are low that I would be the first person to give her this information, and I don't want to bother her if she's trying to forget his ass... What would you do?

With marriage comes a lot of responsibilities and usually a good amount of drama. Often people think they were much happier and life was simpler before they got married.
Stats show that unmarried women and married men are the happiest demographic. I’m curious as to what the everyone’s take is.

I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts and experiences. I know there will be plenty of generalizations, and of course not everyone in a particular profession is the same. I'm just interested in hearing if there are any occupations that would make you think twice about dating someone, and why.

I've always wanted to wear long flowy skirts with crop tops, and waist chains. I want to have my fingers covered in rings. I never had the confidence to do so in my 20s. I was always worried people would think I was trying too hard, or dressing up for attention. I'm about to turn 32, and I still worry about what other people are going to think.

Now I feel I am too old for waist chains and crop tops. I also still worry I would call too much attention to myself if I wear a skirt with wedges when I'm just grocery shopping. It feels like I lost my chance of dressing like I always wanted to because I never gained the courage to do so.

Has anyone had something like this? Where you're too scared or worried to wear certain clothes.

I had a nice massage today and happened to chat my massage therapist. She's 21, very young and very bubbly. She told me the various jobs she worked before becoming a massage therapist. She took trade school in Administrative Assistant but couldn't find a good paying job for her desired position, so in the meantime she works whatever she can find. I asked her what made her choose AA in trade school. Her answer, because she was a big fan of a popular Korean drama where the protagonist is a secretary who ends up marrying her boss. Her plan is to be able to work as a secretary and hopefully one of the higher ups will look her way romantically. She was so dreamy when talking about this romantic plan that I couldn't say anything besides "Oh I wish you all the luck in the world!" lol. All things aside, I do sincerely wish she could have the type of romance she dreams about, no matter how risky it will be (imagine the HR violations 💀). We were all young and naive once.

I remember being so naive and thought I could have my boutique up and running in just a year after I got my fashion design degree. I remember thinking my first kiss boy at 16 was gonna be my husband. What naive mindset or thoughts you remember having back then only for life to slap you awake 😅?

I am a firm believer in being friends with ex-partners when the circumstances are right, ie no abuse, cheating or anything like that, just a breakup where you're better off as platonic friends than romantic partners or life incompatibilities.

However, I'm struggling with my decision in this case. I was broken up with a little over three months ago by the man I wanted to marry. It came out of nowhere and blindsided me, and I'm still getting over it. He said he wants to be friends, and I know he means it because he tried very hard to remain friends with his ex-wife after they separated (I know there was no funny business there). I just don't know if that's possible. I didn't want this breakup and it hurt me terribly, and I'm not sure if I'll ever see him as anything other than "the one that got away".

I know I don't have to decide right now, or anytime soon, but I'm curious to hear from other women who have been in this situation and how y'all decided to move forward. Were you able to build a friendship eventually, or was it just too painful to let him remain in your life?

ETA: I want to clarify that I am not looking to be friends with him right now, or anytime soon. I know I’m nowhere near ready for that. We’re not currently in contact.

ETA2: I am already friends with several of my previous partners and have no problem being their friend. I enjoy their company and have fully moved on from any lingering feelings. I’m specifically wondering if it’s possible to make a friendship work with someone you considered to be “the one” where the feelings were that much stronger and you were picking a future together.

Bonus points for YouTube suggestions. I love a good rabbit hole, the crazier the better.

I’ve recently ended a short fling yet again and yet again I’m reminded how exhausting men really are. I’ve been trying to decenter men the last year or so and it’s unbelievable the level conditioning I have around male approval. Lately, I’ve started dressing more for me and I’ve gotten a few piercing and will be getting a tattoo. It feels so freeing but also extremely difficult. I find every time I get into a dating situation I go right back to wanting to be “chosen.” I’m single and prefer that but I’m wondering what other things people are doing to break free of what we’ve been told we should be doing ie: marriage, children, dressing appropriately etc.

I feel like I’m just watching my life go by instead of actually living it.
Growing up, I was one of the top students in school. I studied hard, read constantly, and books were my escape. I grew up in a developing country peaking a different language, then moved to a Western country in my early 20s to join my husband.
I had kids, worked in healthcare, and went through university all at the same time. By the time I finished my degree, I was already around 30. I applied for so many jobs related to what I studied and got rejected over and over, so I stayed in healthcare. Years later, I’m still doing the same job and never really used my degree.
Financially, we’re doing well. My husband is a good man and I genuinely have no complaints about him, although sometimes I feel like we have different interests in life.
I spend most of my time at home. I love fashion and dressing well, yet I keep buying beautiful clothes and bags just for them to sit in my wardrobe. I have no desire to actually go anywhere. I invest a lot of time and money into my kids’ education and we travel as a family, but outside of that… I feel like I’ve disappeared.
Physically, pregnancy left me with muscle separation, and my fitness is honestly terrible. I have an expensive gym membership that I barely use. I know I can’t keep doing a physically demanding healthcare job for another 30 years without it catching up to me, but I still don’t do anything about it.
The part that hurts the most is that I know I’m capable of more.
My oldest son once told me, “Mum, you’re too smart to be doing this.” He tells me I should have an office career or even become a political or community representative because he sees leadership in me. Hearing your own child believe in you that much is beautiful… but it also makes me sad because I feel like I’m wasting whatever potential I had and I’m setting a bad example.
These days I don’t even have hobbies anymore. I can spend 10+ hours doomscrolling social media. My sleep is awful. I don’t exercise. Every now and then I’ll get dressed up, do my makeup, and leave the house, and I always feel better afterwards. But I hate the effort it takes to get there. I don’t enjoy going out alone, and I usually turn down invitations, even from my own family.
I honestly don’t know what’s happened to me. Somewhere along the way I feel like I lost myself.
I don’t think I’m depressed. I’m not crying every day, I still function, I still take care of my family and responsibilities. From the outside my life probably looks pretty good.
But inside I feel… flat. Like I’m existing instead of living. Like the girl who dreamed big disappeared somewhere along the way, and I don’t know how to find her again.
Has anyone else gone through this? Did you ever get your drive back? What actually helped?

I dress stylishly, keep fit, and wear natural looking makeup, my friends will compliment items of clothing but never things like you look pretty, cute, nice whatever. One did say I look French, whatever that means. I do say it to them when I think it. I know I'm not conventionally attractive but don't think I'm straight ugly. I know this feels dumb at my age, I just have the impression women do it a lot with their friends!

In my 20s I did get more female compliments, I was definitely prettier then, my face fuller, so I'm wondering if losing my looks has to do with it, idk.

I wonder would you not compliment a friend's appearance if you thought they were not great looking? Idk as I made a bunch more female friends recently, I'm trying to figure it out, women are mysterious to me haha

The title is the TLDR version. I have a person in my life that I consider a former friend. Over the last few months their behavior has become so toxic I do not want to continue my relationship with them. I don’t reach out to them or spend any time with them on my own. The problem is they are mutual friends with my bestie who is long distance and comes back to the town we live in to visit and always plans get togethers with just the three of us and also calls with all three of us. I have tried just being quieter and playing nice while I have to be around this person, but they always find a way to get me one on one and say something toxic or even will do it in front of people but in a way that others don’t know the context. I don’t engage when this happens but it bothers me so I can’t just let it go. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to limit my contact with my longtime best friend or force her to choose.

Boss (white collar job) is getting married. office is invited to the wedding. Invite says in lieu of gifts to give money for honeymoon or house-related expenses.

I think this is insanely tacky to ask your employees to give you money. You’re not some 20-something starting out, you own the company. I will attend but am considering refusing, on principle, to give any money.

I welcome thoughts or counterpoints

Edit: someone suggested I edit. Attendance is not mandatory but is expected. There is no other registry or charity donation option.

Prior to this time in my life, I hadn’t dated in a very long time. My “dating“ life was before dating apps, and at a time when I was in my teens and early 20s when it was likely people were single and connected to me somehow through school or friend groups.

Dating through apps feels like you are trying to generate something out of the thin air, and it just feels incredibly unstable as a way to form a connection that can grow. First, we are meeting on an app where options (at least seemingly) are endless. The radius of how we can meet someone extends 100 miles or more, if you’re willing to do long distance. Then, you add the fact that very few men are actually dateable, ie. Attractive, employed, healthy, emotionally stable. So those men, have a lot of options. When you do find someone that fits your standards, it’s likely extremely competitive. They are likely getting A LOT of attention.

Let’s say you find someone who is maybe more niche in their attractiveness, and maybe lines up with you and you like them—but isn’t fielding a thousand DMs. This person then likely still has very specific taste or expectations or baggage, or is more fixed in their personality and who they are and what they want. Like me, if they’ve been single for awhile, accommodating a new person often feels like too much work, even if you like them.

Add to the fact that lots of people on dating apps are very unserious and ultimately just out of a marriage or a relationship, out there looking for a self esteem boost, and not really ready to date. The amount of freshly separated men I’ve encountered is absurd.

It just feels like the combination of this dating culture + being in your 30s is a really unlikely way to form something that works. I’ve had great dates that go nowhere. Or dates that feel like omg who is this crazy person so set in their ways. Or dates where i know I’m just one of many many many.

I don’t think dating is ever easy, but at this rate it feels like an absolute miracle that anyone finds each other and connects and matches on all the levels. it’s easier said than done these days to meet someone in person, and even if you do—it’s still likely they’re on an app and in the same situation.

Sigh. Sorry for the negative post, it’s just feels like a zero sum game.

Hi everyone,

I’m a 31-year-old female attorney who has a very close relationship with my mother. I’ve been financially supporting her for several months now, giving her thousands of dollars to cover various expenses, including her mortgage, rent, and business expenses. It’s been a huge burden on me, and I’m feeling so overwhelmed.

This morning, I asked my mother if she was making any progress on selling her house which we have discussed passingly. To my shock, she seemed offended and irritated by my question. She didn’t want to discuss the possibility of selling the house and I can tell she wanted me to get the drift that she wasn’t comfortable with me pushing that idea.

Her bills are thousands of dollars per month and this is the only way she can get the money she needs to get on her feet if she refuses to get a job.

My father and my mother have been business owners for most of my life. They’ve had years where they’ve done well and years where they haven’t. They both have been failing financially for the past 8 years and are totally against getting jobs. But I realize that my (and my sisters’) W-2 income is supporting these failed businesses. I’m exhausted from constantly having to consider how my decisions will impact her or if she’ll need me for something. I work so hard and want to enjoy my funds. I have no children and I’m not married yet and everyday I have anxiety over her financial condition.

Just a month ago, I bought a home, and now she’s moving in. I hate this situation, but since she doesn’t have a home in the state where her business is located (same state I live in), she wants to move with me. I’m struggling with this because my mother is the reason why I became an attorney. She sacrificed everything to get me where I am, and I don’t know how or where to draw the line or if I even have the right to.

This is so stupid I don’t even know why I’m so upset. I’m fairly active on Reddit and have a few subs I’m more active in (this being one of them). But, one of the others is one of the main parenting subs.

Last night I had a little experience with my toddler and I was just in my feelings and I made a post about it. And it was removed. And that didn’t bother me much as I know some subs have more strict rules that are sometimes easy to overlook so not the end of the world.

But, then I looked at the reason. And it said it was because it was written by AI. And I feel so embarrassed and defensive because it was Not. Not even a tiny little bit. Zero AI. It was written by me at my kitchen table in a moment of maternal reflection. And I just cannot get past this.

I’m not a confrontational person and I am quick to lay down and just go with whatever. I’m also a total rule follower. But, this has got my undies so in a twist.

How do you deal with these feelings of defensiveness when there is no one to defend against? They won’t reply and even if they did I know there’s no changing their minds. It just feels like I’m being falsely accused and it just feels so gross.

I've been in and out of hospitals and doctor offices since I was 11 months old (when I bit a dead rat! Lol). As I grew up I was blessed ^/s with some chronic illnesses and some other very annoying things. This has left me with a long list of doctors under my belt and a severe fear of doctors.

I have to look up an ophthalmologist right now because my eyesight decided to get wrecked out of nowhere (yay!), and looking at the list of doctors to choose from made me start having a panic attack and I couldn't control myself and started crying.

I feel so childish and immature. I recently moved to a new city so I have to start replacing all my doctors and I am having such a hard time with it.

A week before moving my pcp basically forced me to go to an emergency visit with a new doc for an emergency prescription before my move, and that doctor cemented all my fears. She was this ancient dinosaur that was yelling at people before going in to see me, long story short she ended up not allowing me to leave her office, stood in front of the door blocking my exit, touched me without my consent and kept yelling at me to sit down and do as she said (she told me i wasn't allowed to leave the city if I wanted to see her, literally what? Made no sense).

It was all so weird and it has led to me sitting down right now struggling to hide my tears from my healthy, loving husband who doesn't understand what's so scary about doctors, lol.

Do any of you experience this? I really need a dvice on how to handle dumb phobias lol :(

I have a number of long-term difficult situations going on in my life. My friends know about them, but I feel like they expect me to be at my normal capacity—talking and texting regularly, planning trips, doing favors—and I'm just not. I feel like I barely have the energy for work and regular daily responsibilities.

I've tried to communicate this but I feel like I haven't done a great job at it and I'm growing resentful. How can I communicate with them that I'm just in a difficult place right now and am very low on mental energy? Any ideas on what healthy boundaries might look like in a time like this?

Thank you, this is all new for me. I'm very used to overcompensating emotionally in relationships.

Hi ladies,

My life has been full of setbacks, and for the past 4–5 years I’ve constantly questioned what my life should look like and what I should be doing with it. I’m in therapy, and I’m slowly learning to open up to friends about my thoughts and ideas instead of trying to figure everything out alone. Still, I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar or has thoughts on my current dilemma.

For some context, here are the major events of the last few years.

In 2021, I experienced severe burnout and ended up in a psychiatric hospital.

In 2022, just after starting a new job, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She died four months later. That winter was one of the hardest periods of my life. I was living separately from my partner and constantly dreamed of packing my bags and moving somewhere sunny. Instead, I stayed, bought my first home the following spring, and tried to build a future where I was.

My relationship was already fragile, but we still believed we wanted to make it work, so we got married in 2023. In 2024, after learning I couldn’t conceive naturally, we went through IVF. I became pregnant with twins but lost the pregnancy at 8.5 weeks.

The pregnancy loss, combined with everything else happening in my life, caused me to have a mental breakdown. Looking back, it completely changed how I saw my life and my relationship. It became the beginning of the end of our nine-year relationship, and we’re getting divorced in two weeks.

So here I am at 36. The man I met at 26, whom I thought I’d build a family with, is no longer someone I see a future with. I’ve also come to accept that I probably won’t become a mother. keeping my mental health in check is a constant “job” and I honestly don’t think it’s the right path for me. I’ve made peace with that by now.

My career has also taken a huge hit. Before everything happened, I was well respected in my field and was five years into a career that could have been stable and well paid. During my depression, I quit because I needed to get away from everything. Now I work as and entry level specialist in a small company. It’s an okay job, but compared to where I was before, it has been a huge adjustment emotionally, financially, and professionally. I’ve mostly made peace with that too. The positives about this is almost zero stress and no need to “pretend” . I’m just doing my routine tasks in the backoffice.

But I know I can’t just stay in the current status quo. it’s a no way to live, I don’t get any fulfilment from my job, I try to get it from books, yoga, some friends and family meetings but I am empty inside. There are things that I’ve wanted to do in life but after so many tries and failures, I am afraid to do almost anything, because all I do is fail.
I still try to keep going and I have made some moves to create options for myself:

1: Study psychology (part-time while working)

I was accepted into a part-time psychology bachelor’s program. It’s a paid program, so it’s a significant financial commitment, and I’d have to study while working full-time.

The biggest motivation isn’t even career-related, at least not yet. It’s that I never finished my first university degree, and that has affected my confidence (and therefor my career and whole life) for years. Finishing a degree feels like something I need to do for myself.

Psychology is also one of the few subjects I’ve remained genuinely interested in over the years. I could see myself working in the field someday, although I know it would take a long time—about 4.5 years to complete the bachelor’s degree part-time, followed by another two years for a master’s and at least a year of supervised professional practice.

The good thing is I don’t have anything else in my life that would prevent me from doing it. Looking back, I realize I’ve spent years pouring into relationships and building my life around my partner and his kids/family. It has not served me the best way.

I know I’m not stupid. I did well in school, and I’ve always been valued at work, but have always aimed low. My biggest enemy has been my own mind and my lack of self-belief.

2: Keep my current job and enjoy the flexibility for a little while

I currently work as an entry level specialist at a small fintech/PSP company. The biggest advantage is that it’s would allow me to work abroad for several months each year. I’ve dreamed for years of escaping the dark winters and spending 4–5 months somewhere warmer.

The downside is that the the pay is not great work is repetitive, not intellectually stimulating, and doesn’t offer career progression. (I could apply to work in a bank later down the line, but I hate the rigid environment of finance.) I’m also afraid that because the role feels below my capabilities, I won’t actually enjoy living abroad. Instead, I’ll just feel like someone who’s running away from reality rather than building a meaningful life. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself..

3: Quit and travel/volunteer

If money weren’t a concern, this is probably what I’d do tomorrow - pack my stuff, rent my home and go travel while volunteering.

My life is missing meaning and I’ve hoped this might bring it to me (although I know it’s no “final answer”). What keeps me from doing it is knowing that walking away from stable employment is “wildly irresposible“. I also judge myself for wanting the “easy way out“.

Is there another option I’m not seeing?

What would you do in my place?

Thanks,

Due to trauma and my upbringing and some unhealthy relationships… in my mind, distance = danger, distance = punishment. Distance or silence is unsafe.

My boyfriend of four months is on an annual two-week trip with his extended family. He has values I admire; he likes to put his phone down for the trip and enjoy family and nature while being extremely present and letting his brain let go of phone addiction.

This is extremely challenging for me. A daily check-in is much easier for my nervous system. I’ve also never experienced safe silence, until this relationship. Frankly, it’s terrifying and my counsellor is helping me.

Boyfriend has called twice and texted once during the first week. I appreciated it! He usually would just keep his phone off the whole time.

It feels like a breakup. It feels like he died. I also know that he loves me and I am safe. I see him in a week.

Talk to me about space being normal and safe? How you know that in your bones? Thank you ❤️

I have never interviewed in my “adulty” adult life. I got hired at my current company and have been either promoted or moved into newly created roles. After 15 years here and a few too many leadership changes and re-orgs, I’ve put feelers out for new roles.

A role in a state that my husband and I are looking to move to caught my eye and I applied. They reached out to me almost immediately for an initial interview last week and I was asked to come to their HQ for a second interview with the Hiring Manager and some others on the team (including a VP). We got my travel squared away today and I am taking a day trip next week.

With all that being said…. What should I have prepared or have with me? They didn’t ask for anything specific, but I’ve been out of the interview game so long, I’m not sure what’s expected or standard. I don’t want to look unprepared or have a missed opportunity.

Also, what are our thoughts on attire? I was thinking black work slacks with a blouse and one of my favorite blazers.

TIA for any guidance and for all the tips/tricks. 🙃

I have never gone after or dated really beautiful men. I’ve dated guys that weren’t considered the most attractive to my friends but I liked their personality and was attracted to them. Now my friends and other women are telling me I need to “expand my horizons” and look for guys that are shorter, might not have hair, might not be as attractive etc.

I don’t get it. I already was doing that and it didn’t work out so why date someone even less attractive? I’ve also seen people get mistreated by these types of nice but less attractive guys too. I’m talking to a few guys now who I’m not attracted to and their personalities are different.

Am I really shallow for wanting to be with someone I can picture myself being physically intimate with? To want a little bit of intrigue or interest? Are you supposed to have some sort of initial chemistry or attraction to men you’re dating? How long do you wait to see if you enjoy spending time with people and how do you enjoy the process and loosen up a bit more? I want this to be fun!

I live in Europe, and I dont know how about you, but I find it super hard to find nice, not cute, not girly, not child like pink clothes.

I mean feminine grown up clothes but in pink. No neon teenage type of clothes..

Not ruffles, buffy sleves, crop tops, lace pyjamas like outfits

Is it just me? Where do you guys buy grown up pink clothes?

So idk if anybody can relate to this or offer any advice?

I've gone through a lot of abuse and sexual trauma as well as getting stuck in sexwork for way longer than I wanted and having it really warp my idea of sex. For years it was something I had to use to get what I needed, or to endure. There was a brief time where I enjoyed it with one partner but after a few years he became very entitled to my body and I felt like nothing more than a life-support-system for a vagina. I can't even enjoy masturbation, porn disgusts me, and the minute a guy starts getting sexual I just shut down tbh. I get a lot of sexual attention and want none of it.

I could call myself "Asexual" but i know it's only due to trauma, and I'd really love to be able to enjoy my own sexuality again, on my terms, maybe just with myself for now. Maybe it's all just been too fucked up to ever recover