Oh my god what have I just witnessed I feel like the world season wondrous something ever fallen in my lap and I’m just flabbergasted and fucked like emotional explosion crazy good

For me, going to therapy is like going to a doctor with a severe bone infection. But the doctor doesn't know you have an infection. Because you can't walk correctly, they just diagnose you with muscle fatigue.

So, they prescribe physical therapy. You do it for five months, and it costs you $500, but it doesn't work because the root issue is an infection.

Then, they decide to put your leg in a cast. Another five months, another $500. Still doesn't work.

After 10 months of failed treatments, the doctor diagnose you right ! It's a bone infection so he just tries to convince you to learn how to walk on one leg. That doesn't work because your job depends on walking on both legs , but you pay another $500 for that advice. After 15 months and $1,500 down the drain, you're still sick.

And the standard response from people when you point this out? "Just try another therapist. That one just wasn't a good fit for you."

This is my core problem with therapy. It’s such a new branch of medicine that it feels like trying to treat a wound in the Middle Ages.

The only difference is that modern therapy is ten times more expensive, and a cure is never guaranteed.

A few years ago, I went on a date with a woman. It didn't work out, we kissed and the like, but we just wren't compatible. So we didn't date.

She was very open to talking about sex and we talked about boobs. I admitted that I had never touched boobs, being 19/20 at the time.

She offered to let me touch hers, vaguely saying I could touch/play around with her boobs.

I figured, by googling, I could stimulate her nipples and potentially cause sexual pleasure.

That never ended up happening, but I was still fully prepared to stimulate her nipples. I only later realized that this would be SA if I just started like I planned.

According to Reddit, this sub, this would've been SA.

I know it didn't happen, but SA is a very serious thing. So if this is the case, the idea I was planning to do it is horrifying.

I can't eat, I can't sleep right now. Yes I have OCD and no I cannot afford a therapist at the moment.

But I am a piece of shit who almost SA'd someone.

I actually suffer a lot
I have trust issues, i make several fake accounts to talk to people just for attention, i lie alot even when i don’t need to, i want attention all the time, i feel horribly wrong and insecure and i can’t see a therapist for now.

What should i do?

Hey Y'all, I have been seeing a therapist for a while now and have been paying out of pocket for all sessions. I'd like to reimburse the expenses from my HSA plan and use it to pay going forward but that requires a letter of medical necessity. Can my therapist provide that letter or would it have to come from an outside party like my GP? If it matters, I found my therapist on my own, without a referral from my doctor.

I’m 25F and feel so much shame regarding my bulimia. It’s a love hate relationship. My blood test were bad. Potassium requires hospitalisation. My psych doctors urge me to go A&E. I had previous traumatic experience in public hospital so the doctor suggested private. That’ll be expensive. They urge me to seek help from my parents and let them know what I’m struggling with so they may be able to support me financially. I’m not even sure if they have financial means to pay for my hospitalisation. I’m scared to tell my parents. They knew I suffered from bulimia as a teenager and did support me back then but I’m embarrassed and ashamed to let them know that I still am, especially because I’m still living at home. (Where I’m living it’s normal to stay with parents until marriage btw bc costs of living and houses is crazy expensive). How do I tell my parents?

Hi everyone if you guys have any personal problem which is killing you . Share with me you all ok

I have an ex friend who is dating somebody who raped somebody else whom I know. I want to talk about it with my therapist. Will they do anything about it?

It started probably a year or two ago. I often look at people and imagine how would i torture them, like what methods would i use?, how long would i do it?, and most importantly, how do i avoid getting caught?

One time i was talking to my friend and she said something annoying, i dont even remember what it was, and i just got the urge to smash her head against a table so hard both her eyes popped. I pictured that image for a bit, her nose broken, her mouth bleeding, i wanted to do it so bad, but i didnt. I didnt want to deal with the consequences

Other time i was thinking about my mother, i thought about how if i went to her house now, nobody would be there to help her, i could totally kill her, she wouldnt even stand a chance. I pictured me wrecking her house, her on the floor bleeding. I didnt do it, i didnt want to go to jail.

Something i realized is i only want to do those things to people i deem "evil" in some sense, like politicians, my abusive mother, and people who just pmo. I guess thats because i dont feel bad for these people, or at least i feel less bad for them compared to the normal person.

Idk why i think about it so much, but it feels good ig, like it fills me with adrenaline and pleasure. I am unsure if i would actually do it, i want to but it seems so troublesome to, like you have to think about how to avoid the social and legal repercussions, it just seems annoying. I wish those norms didnt exist but they do and now i have to find a way to get aroud them, and thats hard, thats why i stick to just daydreaming.

Pd: i dont feel bad about it, i dont feel regret about my thoughts or anything like that, so idk how therapy would work on me

I'm 17 years old and I can't stop thinking about my partners past. The thought of this eats me alive man. My stomach turns at the thought of it, I've had days ruined because the thought consumed me so much. She is an amazing person and treats me so well, which is why I feel so horrible for the thoughts that run through my head. I brought it up to her today after bottling it up for so long, and she didn't judge me. She apologized, and she told me she'd be there for me for whatever I need. I feel bad because I understand my thoughts aren't her responsibility, and I want help. I want to combat these thoughts. I want them gone, man I hate them with a passion. I thought I could handle this struggle on my own, but it started to weigh on me too much. I'm in a household where I can't go to therapy, and I've looked at online programs but I can't afford it. If anyone can help me with this I'd forever be grateful. I love this girl with all that I have in me, and I don't want my own negative thoughts to ever get in between us.

Hey, I just wanted to share with someone I start therapy. I used to have a lot of friends and things to do. As I grow older- I have lost out on relationships and most recently an ex girlfriend. I couldn’t commit and she was really good. But it got toxic.

It also feels like I have so many tabs in my mind, and I need to sort them out. I am quite fit and capable of achieving my best self, but I have to work through my emotions and things that hold me back. I also want to quit pornography. My last therapist cut me down and it was very shocking and sad reason I think because I might have been unprofessional requesting for more time for the price. I was paying but I stopped and I think she drew a boundary, but it was not very professional. The way it was done.

Anyway it’s a new day. I look forward to seeing this new therapist and hope I come out stronger.

Hey all, first time in this sub, and I wanted a place to vent, maybe get some insight.

Long story short, Mother did something bad... Real bad, so much so that my sisters are calling her out, insulting her; one of them even threatened to cut her from her recently born grandson.

Then theres me. The only male in the group, the son, the mama's boy, sometimes feels like I'm the golden child, and I hate it... My mother is a complicated person with a messy, muddy past, and it's led her to do some less-than-noble things while she was growing up. Even so, our small family circle made it work.

...But recently, today it came out that she was doing something I'd rather not get into, and it, of course, led to it being them against her: sisters, grandmother, etc. I may be a mama's boy, but I can recognize what she did was wrong... The problem is the crash-out that came from her was intense, even to the point where she threatened real physical violence towards one of my sisters who was the most affected, like SHE was the victim in all this somehow.

I love my mother, my sisters, my whole family... But fights and arguments are common; they happen, but this time it feels more intense than ever, so much so I'm worried something is going to happen. But my real issue is that I care too much. I care too much about what might happen, what this means for her relationships in the bigger picture, and what she might do if this boils over.

I'm very empathetic to a fault; you could be a complete stranger to me, yet the moment you tell me you're having a very bad day, my day becomes worse as a result. And because of this, I stress a lot about friends, family, and minor things to the point it causes me mental and, recently, after the news got out, physical pain. My chest felt like it was being squeezed, my eyes started hurting from crying, and my movement was wonky (Felt like I was going to collapse from walking)

I don't think theres a real solution to this, other than her finally owning up to her faults and at least attempting to apologize on her own terms... But this constant worrying of mine, the stress, the anxieties, how it hurts me on such a level... It's messing with my life. I want to care and be there for everyone, but it's starting to cost me, and I can't stop it. Is there any way for me to just... Care less? Focus more on my own troubles while still looking out for everyone? Even with their massive flaws?

I have been in therapy for over 4 years with the same therapist. I think things have stalled especially in the last several sessions. I feel like we're talking in circles. I start most sessions by reporting what's going on with me, and I'm reminded to feel my feelings and that processing emotions is just about allowing and feeling them. Month after month I don't make any progress. I feel like there's some lesson in being a person that I should have been taught at a young age, and now I'm too old to learn it. I just don't understand!! I'm CONSTANTLY FEELING. CONTANTLY. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, and even in dreams I feel my feelings. So why am I still experiencing so much distress? If all I have to do is let it happen, let myself feel,.... What in the goddamn F am I doing wrong?? Am I doomed to be depressed until I die in middle age from complications of stress? I just don't understand, and I'm almost ready to give up.

Okay so for years Ive been kinda in a weird spot where im fine then im not and so on so fourth. I've been pretty alright for the past few years, sober off of self harm and alcohol abuse. But I cant help but think of it CONSTANRLY.

The thing with me is when I would self harm, I never thought of it as a "Oh I need to do this to hurt myself because im worthless" or whatever it was. I just thought it was fun, almost entertaining to myself. I never felt bad about it, never felt guilty enough to hide it, never cared how other people felt around me with my open wounds. I didnt care. I was horrible. I still, in fact, dont care unless someone else does it because something inside of me becomes incredibly jealous filled and mad at them about "how dare they hurt themselves and not me". I dont know why I even think like that. I KNOW its wrong, but I can't help it. I get mad at anything anyone does.

Another thing, for years ive had horrible SA fantasies. I have never been assaulted, never been violated or abused. Nothing. But I want it. I want to be beaten and abused and assaulted and aggresivly too. I dont understand why I want it to badly. I want to be nothing to anybody but I want it to look like im better than everyone else at the same time. As horrible as it is to admit, I just cant help myself. I feel disgusting for how I think of other people, but there's nothing I can do to stop myself. These are every day thoughts, every day needs almost. I crave any sort of negative or positive attention. Even worse is I once again feel jealous over anyone who has had real experiences. I get mad at them and I hate them. Its not my fault. I can't help it. I hate anyone who has told me about their story of SA. I have an urge deep inside of me to snap at them and say horrible awful things. I never do, I kmow its not right. But recently, that urge to speak up or snap or be aggresive is stronger than ever.

I always feel the urge to break something. Always. Its impulsive and its an automatic instinct toward anything negative that happens to me. I drop something st work? I want to bite something and break everything. My brother argues with me? I want to snap and break a wall. People experience things I want to? I have an extremely deep hatred toward them. And there's no reason for any of it. I just feel this urge and its been getting so strong, its near impossible to hold back the urge of it.

And the last horrible thing is I just want to abuse myself but not count it as abuse. I want to take drugs and keep myself awake for days at a time just to see what it'll be like. If I could be awake all day every day eith no ounce of sleep, with something on top of it. I want to see myself as disgusting as I can. I want people to see how disgusting I am. I want people to know how selfish and horrible I am. But at the same time, something inside of me doesnt want anyone to know. Something tells me im wrong. I need help. But I don't want it. But I do.

Im deeply confused with countless things and it never seems to escape me no matter how hard I try. I just wish I was never born but I also love the chase of an adventure. Im deeply confused ablut my life and purpose, Im not going to school and I work a shitty part time job and I live with my mom. I have 8000 in debt rn that ive been paying off but that's all ive been living for right now. I have a whole lot of nothing in my life. Its rather depressing how horrible I am but I don't know. I dont know what to do about it anymore. I feel lost

I've been in therapy for a few months now and something my therapist said last week keeps bouncing around in my head. She asked if I ever feel like I'm watching myself from the outside, and I realized that's basically how I operate most of the time.

Like I'll be having a conversation with someone and there's this weird split where part of me is talking and another part is analyzing how I sound, whether I'm being too much or not enough, if my face is doing the right thing. It's exhausting. Even when I'm alone sometimes I catch myself narrating what I'm doing as if someone's watching, which sounds unhinged when I type it out but it's true.

My therapist suggested it might be a defense mechanism from growing up in a house where I had to constantly monitor everyone's mood to stay safe. That makes sense I guess, but knowing why doesn't make it stop. I don't even know what it would feel like to just exist without the commentary track running.

Anyone else deal with this? I'm trying to figure out if this is something that can actually change or if it's just how my brain works now. Some days it feels like I'm so far removed from my own experience that I'm not sure there's a real me underneath all the performance.

I would really really appreciate some guidance as to what type of therapy / treatment would be best suited as I’m really starting to loose hope that I can actually heal (after many years on and off of talk therapy and nearly 3 decades of depression) and maybe therapy just isn’t the right way to go and perhaps something else would be better?

So far I’ve tried:
Various forms of talk therapy
EMDR
And been given information about IFS

Where I think I struggle is that I can understand the logic without being able to heal the emotion. The logical and emotional sides of my brain are totally disconnected. For example, a painful experience like getting hit and shouted at by my parents. My logical brain can understand that my parents were unable to control their anger because they had difficult childhoods and carry those wounds, and know that parenting children is extremely difficult and exhausting, and it was the norm at the time.
But my emotional brain can’t help but still feel extremely hurt that they did this to me, and never apologised or changed their behaviour, and I have internalised a lot of these emotions into self blame and feelings of worthlessness.

I find it difficult to stay with strong emotions and tend to numb out when things get very overwhelming, which is why I struggled with EMDR. After learning a bit about IFS I feel like I’d really struggle with trying to talk to different parts of myself, it’s a bit too, maybe abstract, for me.

Is there any type of therapy that can help someone like me?

I’m having my first psychiatrist appointment in a little over an hour, and I’m unsure of what to even talk about. what was your first appt like and what would you have done/not done looking back?

This might be the worst organization I’ve ever dealt with made worse by the fact that it’s supposed to be a mental health service.

I initially signed up with them over a month ago. My first therapist seemed like a great fit (despite showing up 10 minutes late to our first appointment). Following up on the first session he no showed our second session (despite me messaging him ahead of time to confirm the meeting). After this session I asked to switch therapists. The second therapist was ok and I never booked a follow up.

In the time since I get reminders every week about my upcoming session with the original therapist. Those sessions never show up on my schedule since I switched from him. There’s nowhere in the app to completely cancel everything. I have contacted support after every time asking to cancel my account / refund / and stop all reminders of weekly sessions that don’t and shouldn’t exist. Support is always five plus days delayed in getting back to me. Despite multiple requests to completely delete everything they continue to send me the reminders and charge me.

At this point I don’t know what to do. This has been insanely mentally distressing considering I was already in a state where I signed up with them to seek help and they’ve done anything but.

Just a word of warning to anyone even thinking of signing of for this based on convenience.

I hope this is the right place for this, I really just need some help.

For context, I (23M) am gay and I grew up in a very strict religious household where it was taught that sex outside of (heterosexual) marriage is wrong. My personal views are drastically different, however.

My first time hooking up was over a year ago, and I was in a horrible mental state for several weeks after the fact. I couldn't bear it anymore and I told my parents, which is also how I came out to them. It brought temporary relief, but it also created new problems as they basically tried to convince me that I wasn't gay or that I could stop being gay for several weeks after that. It built up to us having an argument that was really hurtful to me. My dad apologized the next day, but I still feel hurt by it.

Ever since then we've just gone on with life pretending nothing ever happened. But I'm a human being with hormones and yesterday I decided to hook up again. I felt ok after the fact with a tiny bit of guilt. I was determined that I'm an adult, there's nothing wrong with safe and consensual sex, and that it's none of my parents' business. And I was able to ward off feeling terribly bad about it until going to bed last night, then it just came flooding in and I lost sleep over this hookup.

This morning I feel super anxious and I'm on the verge of tears as I type this out. I don't want to relive the trauma that I went through last time. I know my personal beliefs about all this, but for some reason it's not enough. I still love my parents and wonder what they'd think if they knew I did it again. How would it affect our relationship? The three of us have a trip coming up in three weeks and I wonder if I've ruined my ability to enjoy it. I feel so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do.

I spend so much time in my head playing out entire conversations with people I know or might run into. Like I'll be in the shower or walking somewhere and suddenly I'm having this full dialogue with my boss about something that hasn't even come up yet, or I'm explaining myself to a friend about a situation that doesn't exist.

The weird part is these conversations feel so real in the moment. I get worked up or relieved depending on how the imaginary talk goes. Then the actual interaction happens and it's completely different, or sometimes it just never happens at all. But I've already spent all this energy on the fake version.

I brought it up once to someone and they looked at me like I was describing something totally bizarre. But it feels like such a constant thing for me that I assumed everyone did it. Now I'm wondering if this is something I should actually talk about in therapy or if it's just a normal brain thing that I'm overthinking. It doesn't exactly ruin my day but it does take up a lot of mental space and sometimes leaves me drained before anything real even occurs.

Anyone else experience this or have thoughts on what it might mean?