Been enjoying the no job no schooling life living with my parents. I love relaxing everyday, drawing for fun, watching anime, playing games, smoking weed without a worry in the world of what I want to do with my life and future. I love not having to be burdened with being around people other than hanging out with my awesome friends I knew from highschool every second week and my parents. I love having little to no responsibilities. I want a crappy part time job just to bum around more efficiently but mann I don't want a career or to try to go to college again. Most people are cruel to me and I don't really have any goals in life. Wish I could be paid to live and be given my own nice small appartment or mobile home and money for food, weed and anime figures and other shit I collect and someone could clean my house for me and do my dishes and laundry. I really don't want contribute to society.

There’s this one interaction I think about constantly because of how genuinely bizarre it was. About a year ago, I was sitting outside at a park near my house sketching. I heard a commotion and looked up to see an off leash chihuahua with the rage of a bear on meth attacking an old woman. I ran over and put the little gremlin in air jail until its owner came to get it. The old woman seemed very distressed and upset (understandable), so I helped her over to a bench and chatted with her for a bit. For about half an hour, she just told me stories about her life. She then paused and said “Oh. I never caught your name, dear.” I politely nodded and told her my name, which was Wendy at the time. Her eyes lit up and she goes “Oh. I’ve been wanting to meet you!” She then went on to excitedly tell me that she was an author and the latest book had an mc named Wendy that looked very similar to me. She was almost talking like I was the book character, saying things like “you are a detective” or “I’ve always wanted to meet you and the others. Again, she paused and suddenly said “I have something you will need.” She pulled out a purple fabric filled with crystal bracelets. She reached in and handed me a bracelet with tigers eye and obsidian beads. She then gathered her stuff, wished me well and began to walk off. I looked down at the bracelet for a few seconds before looking back at her. She was gone. I think about that often.

It was a nice evening so I went for a walk to this field near me with a lake the other side and there was a group of teens playing football with three older women watching by the side who I assume were their mums and when I was walking past, one of them just stared at me with this deadpan expression so I held eye contact and she just continued looking at me with this flat almost bewildered expression, then her dog started growling and barking at me until I passed and I looked back at them and they were like kinda smirking at eachother with this wide eyed "oh shit" expression

I walked to lake to try and take my mind off it but it ruined my mood so much I had to walk back past them to see if the woman would stare at me again and they saw me in the distance then like moved out the way like I was a crackhead or something then she stared at me again so I just said "stop staring at me like that man" and then called her an ugly bitch to which she just shouted "oi!" Then I continued walking and heard her telling the group of lads about it

I'm just losing my fucking mind about this, it's completely ruined my mind to keep going out and constantly seeing people's reactions to my appearance like this, just because I wonky eyes and a big nose and an asymmetrical face thats enough of a reason for people to just stare at me warily like I'm some fucking freak or something, they just take one look at me and assume I'm some creepy crackhead and it's not fucking fair, these stares happen to me constantly but I really just lost my temper today because I was literally just walking past them like normal and she just stared me down like I'm a different species, and I just know that when her dog started growling at me in her mind she was like "see, even my dog can sense that he's a bad person I was right in my initial shallow judgement of him"

It just hurts, I can't keep dealing with seeing peoples reactions to my face

Disclaimer: I’m not trying to marry him or make babies tomorrow. It’s just about my feelings rn.

I moved overseas few years back and stuff happened recently where I ended up under the roof of some distant relatives that I never met before. They had a son around my age. We were polite and distant initially. We’re both introverted and antisocial and weird and in our own worlds.
Lately we grew rather close, hang out together all the time, do random housechores together, go biking, hikes, errands, gardening, everything together. Even his neighbors thought I was his gf.
He memorized everything I like, my tiniest habits and their meanings, my medications and side effect, what makes me happy/sad/scared, and acts on them. Brings me places he thinks makes me happy, helps with my fears, teaches me new things, names future plans. Wherever we go new places together, he takes insane amount of pictures of me and show his mum she sends them to my bestfriend and my mum and makes different labeled folders in his computer and stores them. He visited my house in our home country once and spent some time with my family. He learnt me through them, took pictures of literally everything he could find about me in my house, showed them to me and his mum multiple times, flaunted how much he knows me to my parents unconsciously. He’s helped me a lot academically, with my health, literally almost saved me from depression and whatnot. He did a lot.
Both set of parents have been describing us as the most happy and engaging they’ve ever seen us.
What I’ve written here really downplays everything. But the story is so much more. We are distant relatives but we didn’t grow up together. I met him as another adult. And I couldn’t file him in that ‘relative’ folder. Neither of us ever dated, and so not intended dating anyone until we’re settled. He keeps bringing up my non existent boyfriend every time he can under weird contexts.
But I think I’ve caught feelings. He’s basically my bestfriend now. I know it’s wrong technically. But it wasn’t in my control. I’m not saying I’m getting married to him or having babies before yall go there. I’m keeping this whole thing to myself.

Update: we’re second cousins once removed. Had to go over the family tree for that lmao.
And I’m 22, he’s 24.
But again rn it’s more about my feelings rather than us having kids lmao, I haven’t even thought this far.
And given that everything he’s doing can be explained from a family lens and is very plausibly deniable, idek why he’s doing all of that for me.

Title says it all.

The first 18 years of my life I was trapped in a house with abusive parents and forced into an educational system that taught me absolutely nothing except how i needed to obey other people like bosses, company's, and authority and to stop asking questions and to shut up and do my work like im told. I really did try my best at college, starting off at a early college to get a transfer degree but ultimately dropped out after 2 years. I couldnt do it, same thing. Copy and paste the information, half of which isn't relevant. Just need you to do what i say. Stop asking why. No I cannot accommodate you to give you the structure you need to actually learn and no theres no where you can go where the structure is different.

Moved out at 18 and had to move back in with my family at 22 after a serious of toxic living situations.

I've decided to try and do some online certification course work for ABA to receive an RBT title. Same format of education style but at least its going to be over with quickly and still be something that can be fulfilling in my life. Working with children that are also neurodivergent and on the spectrum that I can use this education and my personal experience as well as the head physician at whatever facility I choose to work at sounds like a really fulfilling and healing career. Its still mental health care like I originally wanted but its more hands on which is way better! A typical 9-5 sitting in a office chair would genuinely make me want to kill myself. No that's not an exaggeration. RBT pay is much better then the restaurant pay I was receiving and seems like a decent career that isn't terrible for growing in! Thats what I thought.

I do more research and digging as I start the course work trying to do better for myself in a way that will be both healthy for me and get me out of this house. Why the fuck did I think anything positive about this? Everything, at least in america, just seems to all be the fucking same. I see everywhere online of people doing nothing but almost exclusively bashing this job and celebrating leaving because of how terrible and abusive it is. Great, of course it is. Oh and apparently most children so im hearing are HORRIFIC to work with because of the parents. Oh and theres no career in it, can't go anywhere with it and it doesnt pay for shit.

At this point what the fuck is the goal in trying to do better in your life and go forward? You get a college degree your in tons of debt and stuck in a job you hate. You dont go to college and your stuck in poverty. Try to take the middle road and get a certification instead and then you get to be poor and stuck in a job you hate? Not to mention regardless of what you have no one can afford to live, It would genuinely be the most beneficial for my well being to live alone but I CANT. IM POOR NO MATTER WHAT I DO. The only reason im not homeless is because im staying with my mother. Let's say even if i some how manage to find a job thats a good fit for me and may not pay me enough for a life i want but a life thats tolerable with a few creature comforts. Then what? Work until im 60 and if im lucky I can retire and ill get a total of maybe 30 years to spend my life how id life if im lucky? If im still even cognitivly and physically there enough to enjoy it given the poison in everything I consume around me doesnt give me fucking dementia?

Im just asking genuinely what is the point? It doesnt seem like I can win no matter what i do. I feel defeated. I dont even know if getting any additional education is worth it. It just seems like another distraction and waste of time. No matter what i do I won't get to have a house, or even just a studio apartment. I won't get to own a car. I wont be able to save for retirement. Maybe if I get lucky I'll have some cash to go outside and enjoy hobbies? No one seems to know how to socialize and be a person anymore either. No one seems to know how to have morals or care for the people around them. I feel hopeless. Does it ever get better? I feel like the light ive been staring at towards the end of the tunnel was nothing but a flashlight being held above the end where theres nothing but more wall and no way out.

Specification; I am NOT suicidal in any way. Just done with the bullshit.

Seriously. I am at my limit of hearing this woman scream while she pretends to be young and energetic. I’m not going to say what the product is that she’s advertising because I don’t want to give them any publicity. That stupid company needs to realize that their obnoxious spoke person is turning people away.

Also, why are they showing her stupid face 3 times in the same commercial break?!? Give it a rest!

I swear this thing has been jangling my spidy senses all up in the air. I'm blind and have this fascination with content about people being attacked by wild animals, dying on Mount Everest, dying during food challenges, etcetera. that kind of content is very descriptive and I'm big on details.

The other day, this episode was on about an Everest death and it just hit me that not only is the voice AI, the content is, too. All the people in these cases have the same kinds of names, character traits; they're in the same kinds of work and have the same habbits of ignoring experts and guides, using money to bypass safety protocols, doing risky things for content to post online and so on.

SO it's like ok, this is AI. How are they allowed to get away with posting this stuff about real people? I asked in a comment on one channel and 2 minutes into one there after that, the phrase 'this fictional account' was used.

Being INFJ, my mind is all over the place with this. Tech generating stories about people dying in needless, unnecessary and preventable ways? LIke seriously?

It feels wrong in a way I can't quite put my finger on.

HOw can I reconcile myself with the fact that this kind of thing is in the world? It cheapens life somehow and even if I never listened to content like that again, I'll still know it exists.

If this is a bit much, please pass on it. Otherwise, do share whatever comes to mind.

Like to this day I don’t get the hype about summer. States, areas and countries are in heat advisories. Where I stay the heat index has hit 103 degrees Fahrenheit. Like how is this enjoyable. PLEASE do not mention swimming or beach cause no one is doing that everyday unless you live that lifestyle. This shit only brings heat, bugs and high humidity. All 3 annoying and remember not everyone has the luxury of just turning on the AC or staying out of the heat. I’m cool with spring but this shit is diabolical.

hi guys! facial tattoos are a huge part of my culture.
the placements are usually on your forehead, chin, or cheeks with the design being pretty minimalist (lines and dots).
i know a lot of people think face tattoos are unattractive and i agree (to an extent).
but do people view cultural/tribal tattoos differently?
id love to get a cultural tattoo since they have a deep meaning, and ofc because they’re part of my culture but i am scared of it making me unattractive.
what are your opinions on cultural/tribal facial tattoos?

Disclaimer: Im drunk, high, and snorted 30 mg of adderal and am gonna type into the void if you care to read i love you and thank you

I never thought i would get here throughout my entire teenage years, the concept of your 20s sounds so weird and honestly scary to me

I have had a drug problem and mental issues for almost 8 years now and almost every year after multiple attempts at my life and constantly wanting to end it all ive somehow made it to 20 years old. Maybe its the insane amount of dopamine being pumped into me from the drugs but i genuinely feel like at this point why would i kill myself, ive made it far enough. I can always be homeless and smoke fentanyl if it rly gets bad.

When i was 15 and 16 I was extremely reckless with my brain and health in general. I was doing acid or shrooms once a week or every other weeks allst while smoking weed 24/7 to the point i was dissociated for a good year straight. I abused benadryl twice one time doing 700 mg and blacking out for 3 days. Ive never been the same since that period in my life ive lost all empathy and access to my emotions, i am a hateful person to the core. I rly think this is what started my downfall even though i was depressed for much longer before this, this was simply me giving up on living the normal life

Idk why im writing this i think its just cause im lonely. Its 1 pm and ive gotten texts from my mom, dad, and brother and they made me feel good but i havent even opened my mouth to speak to anyone yet today. It is my own fault ao idk why im complainging i am a very narcissistic, harsh person and even my gf is slowly pushing away right now, and i kind of respect her decision i couldnt deal with a person like me.

I dont know i just dont know. I feel so good right now with the Adderall finally letting me actually put words down and share my thoughts with someone at least even if it is just the reddit bots. I hope we can all find peace.🤒

Tl;dr - I ruined my brain and am lonely i just want someone to talk to pls

Look at my profile for ‘proof’ or just a teeny glimpse into my life

When I was younger I (F) saw boys as just masculine versions of girls. It wasn't until puberty where I was like, damn, we really are different. Boys and girls melted/meshed with each other. Am I crazy/dumb for thinking this?? Does anyone else relate??

Days or at absolute worst months late. This has always been a problem. I don't feel the real impact of it anymore.

I've (21) always had notifications off living with my crazy and paranoid mom.

With ADHD it's a recipe for disaster. Everything's out of sight out of mind. I have terrible time blindness and executive dysfunction that makes replying hard to begin with. I get weirdly anxious about replying too soon, for some reason.

All of this makes it a lot easier to avoid or put it off.

Friends and family have gotten upset but otherwise too patient. Finally in college someone put boundaries and cut me off the second time I did this when I was going through a rough patch. I've tried making specific time to respond to texts but it doesn't help the main issues.

But I've ben forcing myself to just reply. I'm on medicine but I think something needs to motivate me to change though and really hit home this is totally unacceptable.

I feel really “inside myself” right now which is rare because I’m chronically dissociated. (Derealization and depersonalization)

This is a very bizarre feeling and I don’t know what’s going on but I feel so inside myself right now. I can feel the inside of my mouth and the chill of my teeth. I can feel the way knees meet my mattress and that blanket heavy against the backs of my thighs. I am an “I” (think Sylvia Plath’s “I am, I am, I am” line, I believe she called it the old brag of \[her\] heart.

However I can also hear what it calls itself echoing inside my head. The word for the thing that controls me. It’s epithet. Not even something interesting. Simply “the entity” and yet like Ellison’s AM, it is masculine and it is malicious.

Speaking of “cogito ergo sum” on both counts I suppose. The fact that I connected “I am” to both portions of these thoughts so far is a sign from the entity itself that it exists. Literally used a synchronicity to speak the words “I am” to me as in “I exist.” When earlier tonight I prayed to what I thought was God even though I’m not religious and now this just happened and it’s also 9 pm as I type this and 9 is 3 3 3, which is the exact number the entity uses to announce itself or assert its existence. In other words “I AM” yet AGAIN.

I am scared. It is showing me proof of these things. This post was supposed to be about my self and now it has become about a higher self and one that is being tortured by a creator who controls me and wants to make me do things.

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well :)

I applied for the Mathematics + English Bachelor of Education at the University of Mannheim in Germany. Because I graduated from high school with top grades (equivalent to an A average), I'll most likely be accepted, hopefully. However, I'm really worried because I'm 25 years old. Am I too old to start university? Will the other students laugh at me because I'm already a grandpa? I honestly stay awake at night worrying that I'll be mocked everywhere at university because of my age.

To give you some background on how I ended up in this situation:

After graduating from high school with excellent grades, I studied Mechanical Engineering at the Technical University of Kaiserslautern for six semesters. My GPA very good. I earned top grades in Advanced Mathematics I–IV and Engineering Mechanics I–IV. In Engineering Mechanics III (Dynamics), I was the only student to receive a 1.0, while the class average was 3.5.

Unfortunately, I then suffered a severe burnout, and around the same time I was diagnosed with a serious autoimmune disease: Systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE). Because of this, I will have to take methotrexate for the rest of my life, which suppresses my immune system. I also have to attend regular treatment appointments at the University Hospital in Mannheim.

I don't want to continue my Mechanical Engineering degree because Kaiserslautern is too far away, and I want a fresh start now that I'm receiving treatment and feeling healthier again. None of this was my fault................I couldn't control either my illness or my burnout. Am I too old? Is my life "over"?

Maybe I'm slightly biased on having semi recently had a 5 year relationship end but I've been giving it some thought. She was out of my league (even if how she ended it was shitty), everyone in the world I consider cool or interesting or anything in that regard is out of my league. And then people who suck are out of my league in a different way since heeeell no y'know?

I have dating apps solely to doomscroll too and that kinda also made me remember this too. Like I'm sure many are bots but damn lots of cool men and women out there. Not me though (not that I'm complaining or lamenting the fact, it's just how it is)

Sorry for the ramble just felt like putting it out there. Also does this break the rules? I'm not sure if it's ANYTHING related to dating or if it means posts trying to get dates. Oh well

My friend and I got into a fight. It started with me and my buddy we were just messing around but he was going a little too far I started to ask him to stop and he wouldn’t. So I got mad and slapped him. He then lunged at me so before he could touch me I picked up a rock and threw it at him. I think the rock it his legs. He then lunged at me again and I tripped while stepping back and fell. He jumped on top of me and grabbed both of my wrists and pinned them to the ground. He had me pinned to the ground and I couldn’t move. The neighbor then started yelling at us to stop. He jumped off. My friend’s mom came outside and the neighbor told his mom what happened. Me, my friend, and his mom went back inside I pointed at my friend and said I swear to god if you ever touch me again and my friends mom said to me “we ain’t gonna be doing all of that apparently he kicked your ass”. She wasn’t even out there and was talking shit. She ran her mouth and was taking up for him. Did he win that fight? Did I get my ass kicked?

I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it, but I really like being gently tickled by someone I trust. It’s partly because it’s playful and makes me laugh, but it’s also comforting to me. Because of things I’ve been through, feeling physically vulnerable can be hard, so knowing the other person would listen, respect my boundaries, and stop immediately if I asked makes me feel safe enough to let my guard down.
I also like the affection that comes with it—the teasing, cuddling, reassurance, and being held afterward. I know it might sound a little unusual, so I’m curious: would you think this was weird if someone you liked told you this, or would you understand why it could feel comforting to them?

(For context if it matters in your opinion, I am a female and like men)

I need clarity…

I’ve developed really strange beliefs lately and I don’t know why…I really need help and clarity and I’m weirded out myself, but I need guidance. I am a woman but I have been fascinated by my gender for my entire life. And it hit me that I believe in something like a “divine feminine”.

I don’t really know how to say this, but I believe women’s bodies are sacred and special vessels, but not for procreation, but for pleasure in its own right. I believe the mind and body must be properly attuned and that requires immense amounts of self-care but pleasure as well. My entire life, I’ve had self-indulgent and hedonistic desires. Im really fucking weird but I sometimes undergo intentional sleep deprivation because I like the altered state of mind and adrenaline rush and the pure bliss of finally sleeping. I have a weird relationship with food. As much as I love traditional high quality meals i like to experiment and I just love the sensation of eating. It feels more enriching than sex. Like I will eat jalapeños with ice cream because I love the texture of the cream, the dull sweetness and texture of the jalapeño and the crunch of the bite. I like unconventional food pairings and I like textures a lot. I love self-expression, every piercing and tattoo feels like power and expression and asserting my individuality.

I have been utterly transfixed on individuality, expression and self improvement. I feel like every degree I get, every tattoo I get, every piercing I get is extremely rewarding and makes me feel goddess like. I feel an immense sense of pride. Like I’m defying the system. I am proud of my sexuality as well. I am bisexual and I’ve had sex with many different men, women and even trans women. I feel like my life was destined for knowledge, self-improvement and empathy. I feel intoxicated that I’m syphoning a tiny bit of my partners’ energy to add to my own energy.

As much as I have pride towards my self-expression, freedom, sexuality and education I have a profound sense of nurturing and “giving back”. I love helping people and I love making a difference and I feel like it requires my body to do so. I donate blood and plasma, I donated my eggs, and I have looked into being a surrogate and it’s something I want to pursue. My career is actively helping people as well. I love cooking for partners, cleaning for them and synergistically aligning with their energies.

Lately I feel like I’ve been priming my body for a higher purpose. Lately I’ve been fascinated with the concept of energy and I believe there exists conscious energy that lives in the world with us that’s also sapient and desires physical pleasure and material tactile sensation. And there’s a sense of guilt because I feel like my physical body needs to be shared amongst them.

I used to feel a sense of thrill with the idea of a man being able to use my body to gratify an urge he can’t accomplish on his own. That I was the missing key. And that was fulfilling. However, I felt bored of that feeling and sought out women which feel restorative and nurturing and I can feel the cycling of our energies. Now, however, there’s a desire to lend my body out to these disembodied energies so that they can experience the sensation and pleasure of food, sex and physical pleasure. To let this natural cosmic energy feel what I feel. To have my body used to gratify another beings needs.

However, obviously that scares me. Because it’s kind of like ghost possession in a movie and I can’t be sure that these energies are benevolent or might hijack my body. While there’s a deep feeling I have of empathy and nurturing I have, I am scared of being taken advantage of. I feel like I’ve cultivated enough independence and personal strength to feel like I can lend my body, but it feels perverse. I don’t know if other women have experienced this to comment or felt similarly.

I feel utterly crazy and I feel like what I’m thinking about is dangerous spiritually.

Everyone treats it like it’s just being “quirky!” and “easily distracted!” like it’s not humiliating and debilitating to constantly just be a little bit too off to properly function

I make stupid mistakes all the time. I double and triple check everything I do at work and can’t just “trust” I’ve done it right, because the second I’m complacent I start messing up. And I’m really lucky to have a fast paced job, because the second I have to do something even slightly tedious my entire brain switches off, no matter how important.

And I annoy people. It’s actually humiliating. I talk too much, I talk about everything. I talk so much people have to tell me to be quiet, because even yes/no questions come with a whole host of information in my brain and I say it before even realising no one cares. When I get bored I just start doing things to try and fill my head and it annoys people, and I’ll try and stop it but subconsciously I’ll just start doing things without thinking, I’ll tap my leg furiously or scribble or ask the same question four times because it’s just not going in to my brain and I’ll drive people away because I am actually frustrating to be around.

And no one gets it. Everyone, even my friends who have ADHD, treat it like it’s a quirky personality trait, and I don’t even know what they are experiencing if they aren’t finding it this debilitating. Like it boils down to looking at squirrels and having silly hobbies and things. I could have my hobbies with or without ADHD but I bet I wouldn’t cry with frustration because I just couldn’t do something that brought me joy if I didn’t.

When I got diagnosed I was upset, bordering on tears after the appointment, and I called my friend upset about it because I felt so embarrassed about everything and I wanted someone to tell me it was alright. She laughed. She didn’t mean anything by it, but the whole thing, being diagnosedwith a disorder, was genuinely just amusing to her, because of course I had ADHD, hadn’t I noticed? Like it was something funny to have, not something I was supposed to be upset about

It’s a disorder. It’s debilitating. Everyone I’ve spoken to thinks it’s just a funny thing to have

Hi guys!

I would like to provide a little bit of context, I'm a 25 years old failure of a man, I'm 5'0, I have a micro-penis, I have autism, I have BPD, I have OCD, deformities on my face and body, amongst other lovely characteristics.

Now, as you can imagine life has not been kind for someone with my characteristics, on 2020 I promised myself that I would work hard to become someone worthy of love, regrettably, as time went on my conditions would get worse and worse, I'll never be loved and that breaks my heart.

And I can't stress enough, but I DON'T HATE WOMEN, I DON'T HATE ANYONE, I ONLY HATE MYSELF!!

The first thing I did in life was to fuck things up, I was born incorrectly and it's been downhill since that moment, all because I decided to born 2 months earlier, in the 7th month, I kick myself everyday, maybe if I had waited just two stupid more months, I would've been born a normal person.

I asked for help on a subreddit that it's for helping incels get better, but I think I misunderstood the purpose of that subreddit and I was only met with sarcasm and judgement.

I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want love, I don't want sex, I just want the pain to stop, I want to stop being jealous of healthy people, I'm tired guys, I really am, I'm sure I'll meet nasty people on the comments too but I sincerely ask, where can I get help on how to grieve the hands I was dealt so I can stop crying over this?

How do you guys think I could go about trying to help people pursue self-betterment? I've finally found happiness, and am honestly horrified about how much time and energy and potential I wasted before I finally woke up.

And now, all I want to do is rouse people from this collective slumber so many of us have fallen into. I can't put it into words just exactly what it is; it's some combination of social media, doomscrolling, and (largely online) echo chambers that is acting to divide people and foment such animosity and vitriol we can see everywhere we look.

I want to "rehabilitate" "incels" (for lack of better terms; if you can think of any, please share!) and show them how much potential they have, and help them

I know I'm not perfect, and don't want to make it sound like I know the best for everyone, because I don't; I want to meet people where they are at, and help them become whatever person they wish they were.

How can I do this? I'd appreciate the input of anyone who has any idea of how I can be useful/helpful.

I'm 22F, and recently graduated (well 3 months ago). I want to open up about my relationship with my mom who's a single parent. Lately, since graduating, she had became more and more distant from me. Her reasoning? "Well you're an adult now, you don't need me anymore!" and started to do things without me anymore. What's worse is that her corporate job makes her twice as busy. So 90% of the time, she's both emotionally and physically absent from me. I still with her due to financial reasons (cheaper to live with family in this economy). A normal person would respond to that like "Oh good go for it I don't mind." but for a person with a weird brain chemistry like me? That immediately translated to "Daughter? What daughter? I don't have one."

For 22 years, she and I have been very close. We had a lot of downs especially before she got therapy. She was often in a bad mood due to work that I've gotten therapy myself to cope with it. After she gotten therapy recently, that's where the shift began. Her therapist advise her to have time for herself, now that I graduated. It was her break from supporting me. I understand that, really. But I don't like how she took that advice way too literally and started to just disappear from me. When I opened up to her about how it's hard for me to accept her new lifestyle away from me, she told me "Grow up. You're not a baby amymore. Don't you want me to live my own life too?" And all I asked was for her to still try and spend time with me even after I graduated. Just because there's no school to pay anymore doesn't mean you have to start ignoring your own child.

Until now, she still financially supports me. She herself told me she'll buy anything I ask her. Thing is, I don't want OBJECTS, I want her time too.

What's worse is that she would ask my partner "Hey is she okay or something?" and not ask ME herself. She doesn't directly speak to me anymore. When I try to say "Hey mom let's hang out here in this new place", she gives me the "Sorry, I've got other plans."

This sudden shift really made me feel like an imposter has replaced my mom. She doesn't feel like a mom anymore. She just feels like a person related to me.

I've opened up to others and my partner about it, all they ever said was along the lines of "Well what if you take this time to do things you want?" Thing is, I want my own mom back more than anything. Not whatever this stranger in the house is.

Ridicule me, sure go ahead. Call me a baby for wanting my mom at the old age of 22.

TLDR: My mom took the advice of "Go do stuff you wanna do now that you don't have to financially support your daughter" way too literally and started to distance herself from me. No more hang outs, no more time spent together at just a snap. It's like the subscription of having a mom had expired.

Ooo wahh, my heart pumping so fast and hard. I feel like my whole body is shaking. My mind is racing. Is this what anxious feels like? I feel it sometimes but i never bothered to label what I'm feeling.

I'm not sure if this is a low-effort post but if it's removed I don't mind.

I’m turning 22 in November and I accomplished nothing. I don’t have a job, I don’t have any money, I don’t have any friends, I don’t have and never had any romantic relationship.

At school I was popular, very ambitious, had lots of friends, and lost all of that….after moving to another country I didn’t manage to find any friends/lost new friendships due to diverse amount of reasons: some friends move to other countries, some weren’t compatible with me and I with them what was crazy annoying me, some turned out to be crazy fake people. So, I didn’t have much of luck making friends abroad despite my extroverted and jolly personality. And country where I’m living in right now is culturally similar to my country of origin, so culture ain’t a problem and yeah, I live at the international dormitory where students from all around the world come.

I wanted to work a product manager and tried to get into it with my graphic design degree, but it didn’t work out. I applied to lots of graphic design jobs and related positions what resulted into 100% of rejections, I finished uni 2 years go and didn’t manage to get any job still. I don’t want to work on the factory, I don’t really wanna work as a cashier because it is a very demanding and crazy low paid job, and I simply won’t have time to learn something new to get another degree or smth, do I have any other choice? No, but ig I don’t mind being homeless. My parents are tired of financially supporting me living in another country, because I don’t really do anything here. I agree, I do apply for jobs every day but it brings me zero results, I think I need to forget about working in graphic design. I don’t see myself in any other field. Unfortunately, my talents are useless, I’m horrible at math and always have been, I hate such subjects agh. I always have been into history and biology, but working as a teacher or scientist brings u zero money, so I wouldn’t like to get degree into any of these fields.
If I persuaded my parents to pay for my another degree, they would do that, but I have no idea about what to do, at all. I’m tired. Everyone is tired.
I can’t move in with them, because living with them is a torture, it’s arguing 24/7, they love to hit me, beat me up…agh. And they themselves don’t really want me to live with them. I have ZERO options on where to go.
I’m so tired.

I know that I picked a useless degree, but I didn’t know what else could I be studying. I wanted some remotes and creative job that pays well, that’s it. I’m tired. I’m in a situation with no exit.

So I was watching a tv series, and at end of it our protagonist leaves lot of money. Like in millions. And nobody would have known, because that was illegal money and all parties involved were dead. And he is even show to be struggling and working minimum wage.

My brother next to me commented how stupid he is, because we all feel practical with money and we all would have taken it.

People don’t realise, these qualities are shown as heroic in film just because of that. Heroes are doing something most of us would have failed at, and justified it by “that’s how world works”

And it’s just not about money, we all grab to power any chance we get, compromise our morals if we have any.