Why do I suddenly see trans men getting blamed?

This is a genuine question. I am transmasc myself. Growing up my friends have all been other trans individuals(trans gals trans men trans nb, pretty much the whole spectrum) and some have medically transitioned and some have not. I recently got a Tumblr account and there is so much transandrophobia. A lot of trans women throwing trans men under the bus for no reason. I have never seen so much hate in my community, not even growing up as teens when we all had our edgy stages. What is happening? It's just brought up randomly and half of the time has no correlation with the subjects at hand.

And to clarify: This does not mean trans women don't face transmisogyny or transphobia. They do. I'm also not saying trans men have it harder, both have unique struggles and to compare the two would be to compare apples to oranges. I'm not saying these small comments are oppression either. I am genuinely wondering what happened and what changed.

I do not lack media literacy either.

I'd like some links to read up on this if you have any. I'm not looking to argue about who is more oppressed or any of that, like I said that's apples to oranges.

Notes:

I genuinely have no idea why this was removed, it's a genuine question. It also annoys me that anytime a trans dude speaks on this it is instantly shut down. WTF y'all.

My entire life ive wanted a penis. I even tried to “grow” one as a kid. I went through presenting as trans and it wasnt a perfect fit. Im not even sure I would call myself nonbinary? Using/ being called by they/them pronouns doesnt bother me but its just easier to use my assigned at birth pronouns.

That being said, I still want a penis. Im 28 and married now though. Ive looked at packers and thought about getting one many times, before and after marriage, specifically the STP packers but I dont want my husband to feel any type of way about it. Hes very straight. What do I do? Im not sure pushing this thought down is gonna work for the rest of my life. It keeps coming up. I just want to feel the way I envision my “perfect body”.

I think gender queer spaces are important, and I also think womens spaces are important, but seeing ‘AFAB’ spaces or just generally generalizing based off agab really rubs me the wrong way and it seems like this new modern way to judge people based off assigned gender and convey that you don’t view trans people as the gender they identify as. Like idk if this is a wild take but there should be spaces that exist for non-men, and trans men are men! I understand a lot of trans men have experienced misogyny and many don’t have male privilege at all which is why i do also think just generally gendwr queer spaces should exist, but the grouping of people who are AFAB feels so strange. Ive seen some where trans women are included too like AFABs/women but thats also leaving out any like AMAB nonbinary people or lets be real any straight/cis passing trans men would probably feel unwelcome in these spaces and women there would feel uncomfortable.
I feel like including trans men in womens spaces or like womens universities just isnt the play guys, idk maybe im wrong. I think at some point gender shouldn’t matter but rn we still need spaces for non-men, and i dont rlly think we need spaces for ‘afab people’ it seems like a bioessentialist take that what ur born with is a reflection of how safe you are and it diminishes the identities of trans men. We should totally have more gender queer spaces not just women only spaces, but they gotta include trans women and other AMAB genderqueer people.

This is a bit of an incoherent yap sesh and im open to my opinion on this changing especially bc I know a lot of lgbtq people campaigning for stuff like this, but from what im seeing this seems very counterproductive and like we are reducing people to AFAB/AMAB and deciding how much privilege they have or how safe they are based on that. Some trans men do have the lived experiences and struggles of being a woman, but some transition younger and grow up with a good amount of male privilege (though ofc it is still not cis guy level), point is AGAB is not a productive thing to categorize with outside of some specific circumstances.

also pls ask any clarifying questions, idk if some of my thoughts came across like fully

I'm just a regular dude who happens to have girl parts so ill take the advantages i can get. like being invited to sleepovers with girls i like, and being more approachable to them, as well as having a larger singing range for theater. It really aint as bad as people say. sure some legislation is creeping up behind me to strike but we chill cus aint nothing I can do about it, so why worry? the weight of the world is a beautiful thing.

I'm high as fuck btw. thank you for listening to my ted talk

I've seen a bunch of posts about how all the Elliot Page hate is hard to see and really bringing people down. Of course, transphobia sucks. But I've not seen any of the hate at all. It's not because I don't believe it's there. I block transphobic content. You have control over what you see online to a large extent.

Keep constructive positive ideas in your feed. That's important for developing informed opinions. But useless hate? Block away.

I know the hate can feel alluring in a grotesque sort of way. I used to consume a lot of it. And it was not good for me. I started blocking things and poof! So if the Elliot Page stuff or anything else hate-driven is really getting you down, block it. And if you can't control it on the social media site you are on, take a break from that site.

edit: sp

Hi!

This is basically just a funny story. I remember when I was 19 or 18 or 20 or idk some years around those 3 numbers and about to start T. They did the internal and endocrine tests on me, and the provider seemed kinda in thought about something, but she didn't say anything and gave me the go-ahead. The only thing she said was "Huh. We have never seen a trans man being prescribed that before." referring to a medication I would later learn was like...E I think?? They knew about it and told me to stop taking it 3 months prior to the assessment iirc, but yeah I was not aware that that was like...an E supplement or whatever. I don't remember the name and I was taking it since I was 11 or 12 or so because my gynecologist prescribed it to me because my puberty was weird or whatever. Idk as I said it was a long time ago I don't remember any of that.

But the doc doing the assessment didn't say anything beyond that. I guess she thought I knew what exactly I was taking? I didn't. My gyno just told me (allegedly) that it was necessary when I was a child and I was taking it since then.

Anyway, she gave me the go ahead for T. I never read the hormone test results she sent me a copy of. Well, I did, but only very recently, which I will get to later.

So I get on T, right? This was during a time when they stopped making estrogen-blockers or whatever in my country, so instead of being put on blockers for the first two months and then on T, I was put directly on T. Iirc after a short consultation, they decided to put me on nearly the full dose right away. After 4 months, I was supposed to get my hormones checked and dose possibly changed. So I go there. I get my blood taken and all that jazz.

Later, they call me up, saying: "Yeah so your levels are looking good, you now have testosterone levels in the normal range for teenage girls, so we'll work on raising that."

Now??? What???

It didn't occur to me to ask follow up questions. For a while, I thought she meant to say "teenage boys" and just misspoke. But then I thought to check the results I got from that pre-T hormone assessment.

My T was, according to the doctor, waaaayyyy below the normal range for girls and women. So was my E. I know that the E levels are different depending on the time of the cycle, but the part of the monthly cycle was noted in the results and my E was way too low even when accounting for that. The closest E levels to my results are the levels of post-menopausal women.

Nobody directly mentioned this to me for reasons I can only assume were them thinking that I was already aware of this. For some reason doctors tend to think that (feat. The guy removing my birthmark casually asking me if my scars are from the surgery for my Pectus Excavatum. I did not know that I have Pectus Excavatum.) (feat. My GP's nurse asking me "And do you still do PT for your scoliosis?" I was not aware that I have scoliosis. I have never done PT for scoliosis. What do you mean I have scoliosis???).

But yeah anyway that's how I randomly found out that apparently, if left unmedicated, I have both T and E levels that are way below what they should be for a perisex cis adult woman??? Wack.

I’m doing a project on the history of trans people, specifically trans masculine people and their impact. I want pointers from the community!

Trans masculine people from any part of the world and era

Hiya!
I’m currently writing a story about a trans man in a twd style zombie apocalypse, however it is set in the mid - late nineties. I’m hoping for some input from older trans folk on what it was like transitioning in the 90s!
Main questions I have;

• Binding - What would’ve been used? Bandages? were clip binders a thing at the time? multiple sports bras?

• Testosterone - Was it possible to get testosterone in your 20s? What was the common method of application? How expensive was it?

• Public Outlook - What did other members of the queer community typically think of trans men? what was the general opinion on transgender people? (ik it would be area specific, story is set in chicago if thats relevant.)

• Name Change - Was it possible to legally change your name? Was being completely stealth at all possible?

Forgive my ignorance 🙏 i am in my 20s and started transitioning in late 2020 so I don’t have much knowledge about any of this. Any answers or anecdotes would be greatly appreciated!!
Thank you for taking the time to read this :))

When people, usually doctors, ask for your sex assigned at birth, that always comes with a very specific set of assumptions the person is making depending on how you answer. Not only do they assume you were born with a specific set of reproductive organs, but they also assume you retained those organs up into the modern day. So lets say I had a full hysto and ooph and don't have any of those reproductive organs anymore, while continuously taking T, what good does it to say I'm AFAB? It doesn't matter anymore because I don't have those assumed organs, and giving that answer paints an inaccurate picture of me and my sex to whoever is asking. Is there a point where I can just lie about it because answering it truthfully would do me more harm than good?

I'm so scared. I thought this was going to be a happy day, I finally got prescribed T. I've been investigating for months and decided to go on SubQ, my major drawbacks from T were the pain (I've got a REALLY low pain tolerance) and the fact that at the end of the month the T REALLY downspikes.

Turns out that I can't go on SubQ, apparently where I live there isn't enough information and according to my doctor I 'made it up' and that I'm being dramatic (I know) and that none of his patients have ever been unhappy. I know I'm being dramatic, but my parents and the doctor also kept having this back-and-forth about how I'm overweight and I'm always eating (I overeat due to anxiety) and how that is going to affect the results.

I also have to go do it at the hospital every month, it can't be at home and it HAS to be on the butt.

Any kind of advice is appreciated, I'm simply scared, and I've been considering stop eating several times in my life, but I always ended up eating EVERYTHING in sight and feeling like the fucking pig that I am.

I’ve been out and living as a man for years but in my mind there were still doubts - not about who I am but if I will ever fully see myself as this person. My body changed a lot on T, I grew a beard, nobody missgendered me but the insecurities were still there. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw things that made me feel horrible. My brain kept reading my body as female-adjacent and I couldn’t shake it off.

A bit over a month ago now I underwent top surgery. It was an ordeal but in the end I truly could not be happier. I look at myself now and I see a man. It’s crazy how one thing changing can put everything else in perspective. For decades I felt like I’m incorrectly shaped, strange and lumpy, and now I’m just not that any more. My body is my own again and it feels amazing.

So, to everyone who ever felt like me before: you’ll get there too! It might take a little while but it’s never too late. You’re not going to be „stuck” if you don’t start medical transition at 16yo. The insecurities are not there forever and sometimes one step on the journey can change a lot more than you expect.

Im thankful to be able to pass as cis and I used to dream of looking like what I do now but when Im out in public and talk to strangers I feel like Im keeping my true identity from them because Im actually trans and they don’t know that. Kinda feels like I’m an imposter at times and I’ve realized that it affects my ability to form connections when I get in over my head about it. Does anybody have a similar mental bump like this?

I know, I know. In a perfect world I wouldn't ever consider moving there. But I'm in a really complicated predicament here, and I need some specifics from people who are there or used to be there.

I know it's one of the "do not travel" states, but I'm already in the other, Florida. But I think I've gotten really lucky here, bc I'm in the St Pete area, which is queer as fuck.

But onto the situation at hand. I currently live with my two closest friends in the world (They're married). These people are literally the only people I have. And they wanna move to Texas for a series of reasons; Better weather, cheaper housing, his grandparents live there, etc etc. But obviously, it's a very big concern for me. My buddy tried to ease my fears by telling me they saw plenty of clearly trans/queer people while they were visiting, but that doesn't actually say much about how safe it is.

So my question more or less is, when it comes to places you have to show ID or otherwise out yourself, how bad it is down there? I know day to day no one's gonna bother me. I will have had top surgery by the time this move would take place, and I already pass as is. No one's gonna bother me in the grocery store or something. It's getting medical care that scares me. It's getting my ID changed over and my car registered. It's picking up prescription; T included.

They'll obviously see that I'm trans when I go to get my ID changed over, will they be able to deny me because I'm trans? I've heard of some places trying to say being trans is "fraud" and I don't wanna get caught up if that's something Texas actually inforces in some way. Florida already sucks and I'm stuck with a big F on my ID forever, and I know Texas isn't gonna make that situation any better.

And again, I KNOW I shouldn't be considering going there at all. But if the only two people I have in the world are gonna go, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't afford to live alone, and I can't lose my only social circle. I feel trapped between two horrible options, and have no idea how to decide.

I can't immediately tell them no just based off fears. I need information. Am I gonna get denied medical care or even be injured or killed by medical professionals over there? Sure, my friends saw trans people there, they're alive, but how bad are their lives actually? That's something they can't tell me. Sure, those people are alive, but what quality of life do they have there? These are the things I need to know.

Any insight on this is appreciated. Please refrain from negative comments, I know how bad a decision this could be, I am so fully aware. But I need information before I make the choice that's right for me.

Yo!! I have probably the dumbest question that has ever graced this sub lol. I should probably start this off by saying I am not a kid or a minor!! I am 20 years of age!! this post kinda reads like a little kid running away from home lol.

I'm moving out for college soon, and my parents and I had a HUGE fight over it. They don't like losing control over me, they've been like that my whole life.

And well, I realised I was a guy about a year ago. I never really came out cause I knew that my parents would absolutely freak the fuck out over it. Hearing about needing medical procedures done or how much I'd change would probably cause them to low-key end me.

I'm just not ready for that. I don't want another fight so soon.

But... I also feel like I waited long enough to start T. I've been sure I wanted to start for a while now, and the idea makes me giddy. But obviously I couldn't do anything about it cause my parents would realise that something is changing.

So I was considering starting T maybe two months before I go home for Christmas and tell them there? Or something like that?? This is all considering that most of our communication would be through phone calls and video calls. And to be honest I wouldn't want anything to be strikingly obvious when I do go back home to tell them.

So, when do the first extremely noticeable changes start in T and how hard would it be to hide it? Is it even worth it to do this plan or would those two months have little to no difference in the long run? Should I just suck up my impatience and wait until I'm fully out?

Anyway thx guys ^v^ Sorry if the post is hard to understand or something, I'm writing this while angrily packing boxes.

I know it sounds silly, but the thing I find myself missing the most post-transition is being able to scream (as a voice actor who relies on dramatic techniques and expression). Like, is there even a way men do this? It doesn’t seem possible, but it’s something I never thought about before. Guys just can’t scream “bloody murder” like girls can. And I’m kind of frustrated I can’t do that anymore. Any advice or similar experiences?

Kind of a stupid issue ngl but im curious as to if any of yall feel similarly

Now that I'm traversing life as a closeted trans dude, people think of me as just some guy. Which is great! But... I kinda feel like a bad feminist for "taking the place" of a woman, metaphorical speaking, specifically when it comes to workplace related things. If i was a chick i couldve been an inspiration to women and girls but instead im a guy. I know its literally a terf talking point but i cant help feeling sorta guilty for not being subject to misogyny anymore. Anyone else feel this way too? How do yall cope with this feeling?

I’ve been on T for a month. It’s been a great experience so far. I’ve noticed one thing though..
When I was passing as female I was “masculine for a girl” but now I’m “feminine for a guy” if that makes sense.

It used to be affirming that I was “masculine for a girl” despite the dysphoria of living as one. Dysphoria is weird man.

Hey, I'm a 16-year-old trans man, almost 17, and I wanted to talk about my feelings. The sensations that I really dislike and that handicap me every day.

First, the effect without binders, in pajamas is hell. Choosing black pajamas that don't show much of a figure is annoying, and avoiding baggy t-shirts is a nightmare. Not to mention the terrible posture I have to adopt to look flat. It's horrible, man, my neck hurts from it!

Then... the second worst problem, periods. I hate that word so much that when I get them, I just say "trans problems." Living with two sisters and a mother is awful. Especially with sisters, I don't feel like a man sometimes, given their conversations about periods and stuff like that... whereas my little brother, well, it's different. I'm fed up. Then there are the big thighs.

I'm pretty skinny, but I have big hips and thighs. So I regularly pull my pants down, and it looks great! But sometimes it's annoying.

Anyway, I want to be cis.

I want to have these problems and be chill without anyone enter in the room while im changing myself? In my house, pudity don't exist soooo it's hell in earth. I feel like a stupid women. Trying to hide my body after the shower. Thanks my brother ask before enter to the room while im changing.

Help. Some ftm people understand it?

Yaoi (among other things) is making me want to begin transitioning and idk what to do about it and who to even tell this to.

Little bit of context; I don't think I was ever self aware of the gender dysphoria I had when I was younger. I was brought up in an extremely conservative and patriarchal community and realizing I was pan as a teenager was difficult to deal with. I also had a lot of struggle w severe depression, SA etc so I never really thought much about how I was perceived or what I personally felt about it.

Fast forward to last couple of years, my mental state kinda improved a lot and coincidentally at the time got really into mlm media. While I was always into it all queer media from a very young age, i kind of got obsessed with mlm, yaoi specifically? And it didn't just stop with consuming massively, at some point it seemed like I was vicariously living it.

At some point I realized I wanted to be muscular like a certain yaoi dude and I dragged my 4'11 victorian child looking ass to the gym and became muscular. And that made me feel so good about myself, it changed everything. My favourite yaoi guy is a swimmer. Got myself into swimming and loved what it did for my physique. Naturally got into more male frequenting spaces because of sports, etc, and I started longing to be seen as one and be accepted into them rather than whatever they saw me as now. Started feeling comfortable in my skin once I switched to masculine (?) sports clothes all the time or oversized attire to my workplace. Everything just started w yaoi honestly, Ive never felt this seen in other spaces be it wlw or anything else.

Again, I wasnt even aware of what I was feeling until my mom remarked, very very out of character for her, that she knew what I was trying to do and I was like ?? And she goes, i can see how hard you're trying to be a guy. I don't know if that's what I'm trying to do, but it felt so good for the first time in my life to think I could be perceived as one. I'm currently in a position and place where I can't safely transition nor do I have the resources to do so. I don't know how to sit with this gigantic dysphoria clawing at me without being able to do anything about it. I don't even know how this will factor into my future relationships from the sexual aspect either (I've been with a cis guy and a cis woman seriously before but both relationships seem deeply inauthentic to me now).

I don't even know it's dysphoria. Probably is tho considering the distress. I don't what I'm doing right now either. Where do you even go from this realisation? Is it normal to feel this bad and confused?

For context, I am fully going by my chosen name. I go by it at work, outside and at home. My dad calls me by my chosen name consistently unless talking to other relatives who are not yet aware of my transition or the name change.

I have talked about it with my mom and sister. However, my mom was the woman who named me. She'd always had an obsession with my deadname since she was young and when I was little and asked her what she would do if I changed my name, she said it would really hurt her and to her I would always be [deadname]. She also got my initial tatted on her back despite knowing I told her I would change it, but obviously I do not owe her my identity. Sorry, not sorry. It appears she refuses to use my chosen name anywhere UNLESS we are at social events and suddenly she's like "Ofc I'm not gonna deadname/misgender you in front of people, it is up to you." ...That is, something I guess. Lol.

Then there is my little sister. I blame her a lot less. When I talked to her about it, she said "I will always accept you, but I have known you all my life since I was born as [deadname] and I'm very sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to ever see you as anything else." which is understandable in some way. Hurtful but understandable.

However it does lead to some odd situations at home. For example, all my friends, my sister's friends, and my sister's boyfriend all refer to me by my chosen name and pronouns. And then occasionally my mom or sister just randomly drops the deadname and everyone collectively get confused for a min.

I find it more annoying than genuinely hurtful, however it does somewhat bother me that my mom also apparently refers to me by my deadname outside of what I am aware of. Because of this, one time I was at work and this lady walked by, she paused and smiled and went "Hey! You're [deadname], right?!" and I just completely froze in shock with no clue how to respond, because... nobody at my workplace knows my deadname. She went like "Your mom told me about you, but I haven't met you before." turns out it was some lady she met somewhere and basically said "Oh, you work there? So does my daughter, [deadname]!" smh. That was most awkward. Or when new friends who are not aware of my deadname come over and everyone consistently genders mencorrectly and uses my chosen name and then my mom kinda just waltzes in like a steamroll with the very foreign, very explicitly feminine deadname that is quite irreconcilable with me.

You gotta to prioritize your higher range. You’re starting masc puberty now, your voice isn’t gonna stay high, and while it’s dropping, you’ll lose the ability to sing a lot of great numbers. That isn’t dependant on the person, it’s just an inevitability.

My buddy really worked on his higher range while he was starting on T, and somehow never lost his falsetto the whole time, and could even project it out on stage. Since I only ever practiced my lower range, I completely lost the ability to sing even the non-crazy tenor songs for like, 4 years. I just got it back over a year ago, and while I lost all the bass notes I could somewhat hit as a teenager, it’s much nicer to be able to sing the long list of songs I wish I could before. Everyone’s voice evens out eventually, but it took my voice a whopping 7 years to sing the songs I wanted to. Which was completely on me: the only person I’d ever chastise for making that mistake.

This isn’t a dire issue, and if you have a lower voice and plan on being a bass singer, this probably isn’t applicable. But I know how fucking annoying it is to lose your tenor range otherwise. If you’re in theatre, other than the old men who notoriously have the worst songs, basically every song is meant for a tenor. Did Newsies in 2019 when I had about an octave of a range to work with. Had a fantastic time, couldn’t hit a single note though.

I somewhat recently started working a blue collar job. It's absolutely kicking my ass rn but I love it. But it involves going into people's homes every day. People can see who's coming before we get there. Today, I found out my customer facing name on the notifications customers get is my dead name. And I found out in the scariest way possible. I show up to a job, ring the bell, and the customer opens the door and I don't even get to introduce myself yet "hello sir, so I guess one of two things is true, either you got some pretty interesting parents or your not [dead name]" I managed to play it off and he said it's a conversation starter at least and I got on about my job. But ngl I panicked for a moment. But to be able to play off a very unusual and clearly feminine name and still get a "thank you sir" after it was all said and done I think might have killed off the last of the brain worms that was worried I would be clocked in the field.