I made a google doc with illustrations and a very detailed guide on cis passing tips as well as how to bind properly but i literally cant get any reach on my posts for some reason. I posted it on [r/transmanlifehacks](r/transmanlifehacks) and after like 2 whole days it got a total of 3 upvotes so i just deleted it. I just feel like this could help so many trans men because there isnt enough information on this stuff, but i really have no idea how to get more reach on it. Like every time i posted my face on that sub it got more than 1k upvotes but now i wanna post tips and suddenly there’s nothing??? I’m really not sure why cuz its not like i have low karma and also idk which sub would be the best to post it on. I cant post it on any other social media cuz any account that i have a good following on is followed by my classmates and irls and i’m stealth irl so i cant let myself get outed either. Idk what to do i really feel strongly that this can help alot of trans men

Yaoi (among other things) is making me want to begin transitioning and idk what to do about it and who to even tell this to.

Little bit of context; I don't think I was ever self aware of the gender dysphoria I had when I was younger. I was brought up in an extremely conservative and patriarchal community and realizing I was pan as a teenager was difficult to deal with. I also had a lot of struggle w severe depression, SA etc so I never really thought much about how I was perceived or what I personally felt about it.

Fast forward to last couple of years, my mental state kinda improved a lot and coincidentally at the time got really into mlm media. While I was always into it all queer media from a very young age, i kind of got obsessed with mlm, yaoi specifically? And it didn't just stop with consuming massively, at some point it seemed like I was vicariously living it.

At some point I realized I wanted to be muscular like a certain yaoi dude and I dragged my 4'11 victorian child looking ass to the gym and became muscular. And that made me feel so good about myself, it changed everything. My favourite yaoi guy is a swimmer. Got myself into swimming and loved what it did for my physique. Naturally got into more male frequenting spaces because of sports, etc, and I started longing to be seen as one and be accepted into them rather than whatever they saw me as now. Started feeling comfortable in my skin once I switched to masculine (?) sports clothes all the time or oversized attire to my workplace. Everything just started w yaoi honestly, Ive never felt this seen in other spaces be it wlw or anything else.

Again, I wasnt even aware of what I was feeling until my mom remarked, very very out of character for her, that she knew what I was trying to do and I was like ?? And she goes, i can see how hard you're trying to be a guy. I don't know if that's what I'm trying to do, but it felt so good for the first time in my life to think I could be perceived as one. I'm currently in a position and place where I can't safely transition nor do I have the resources to do so. I don't know how to sit with this gigantic dysphoria clawing at me without being able to do anything about it. I don't even know how this will factor into my future relationships from the sexual aspect either (I've been with a cis guy and a cis woman seriously before but both relationships seem deeply inauthentic to me now).

I don't even know it's dysphoria. Probably is tho considering the distress. I don't what I'm doing right now either. Where do you even go from this realisation? Is it normal to feel this bad and confused?

I understand this may not apply to everyone, but has anyone gone from largely low libido and mainly “touch me not” to getting on T and now high libido but also have the urges now to be penetrated?? Like you 10000% may not have enjoyed sex as much on the receiving end (let alone penetration) before T but now it’s unlocked a whole new dimension and you actually crave penetration now?

Kind of a stupid issue ngl but im curious as to if any of yall feel similarly

Now that I'm traversing life as a closeted trans dude, people think of me as just some guy. Which is great! But... I kinda feel like a bad feminist for "taking the place" of a woman, metaphorical speaking, specifically when it comes to workplace related things. If i was a chick i couldve been an inspiration to women and girls but instead im a guy. I know its literally a terf talking point but i cant help feeling sorta guilty for not being subject to misogyny anymore. Anyone else feel this way too? How do yall cope with this feeling?

heyhey, im a trans guy and im 15, ive been planning on starting testosterone but i dont know if its gonna do harm (like stop my height for example..) im familiar with the physical effects and those are the ones i want but im unsure on what else can happen.. any advice?

My entire life ive wanted a penis. I even tried to “grow” one as a kid. I went through presenting as trans and it wasnt a perfect fit. Im not even sure I would call myself nonbinary? Using/ being called by they/them pronouns doesnt bother me but its just easier to use my assigned at birth pronouns.

That being said, I still want a penis. Im 28 and married now though. Ive looked at packers and thought about getting one many times, before and after marriage, specifically the STP packers but I dont want my husband to feel any type of way about it. Hes very straight. What do I do? Im not sure pushing this thought down is gonna work for the rest of my life. It keeps coming up. I just want to feel the way I envision my “perfect body”.

i’m 18 and i went to the doctor with my mom and they said i need to go on birth control with estrogen and when she asked my mom to leave the room to talk about sex and whatever she asked if i had any questions and i said is it possible to have birth control without estrogen and she asked if i’m trans and i said i don’t know i don’t think so (which is not true i do know) i should’ve said outright no but im dumb as rocks and no one believes me that i “just don’t want to be on estrogen as a cis girl” so i’m scared it’s going to end up in my portal or on my record especially since my parents have access and i have zero privacy because they believe i’m trans and will look at everything. i’m so stupid stupid stupid stupid and i’m so scared i don’t want to be homeless

I'm so scared. I thought this was going to be a happy day, I finally got prescribed T. I've been investigating for months and decided to go on SubQ, my major drawbacks from T were the pain (I've got a REALLY low pain tolerance) and the fact that at the end of the month the T REALLY downspikes.

Turns out that I can't go on SubQ, apparently where I live there isn't enough information and according to my doctor I 'made it up' and that I'm being dramatic (I know) and that none of his patients have ever been unhappy. I know I'm being dramatic, but my parents and the doctor also kept having this back-and-forth about how I'm overweight and I'm always eating (I overeat due to anxiety) and how that is going to affect the results.

I also have to go do it at the hospital every month, it can't be at home and it HAS to be on the butt.

Any kind of advice is appreciated, I'm simply scared, and I've been considering stop eating several times in my life, but I always ended up eating EVERYTHING in sight and feeling like the fucking pig that I am.

Hello everyone, lemme get straight to the point!

i let my scruff grow out since i started T, and my facial hair is finally visible, but very....messy. the ends are soft and lighter in colour, which get thicker and darker towards my face. makes sense, it's growing into terminal hair. and now the thing is, i should probably shave so everything can start growing out thicker and uniform. but of course- I'm terrified. i let it grow out to this point because I'm scared of losing what i have. i know realistically, it will grow back. maybe I'll like it even better. but taking that first step into the dark, my face being bald again? it has me shaking. i know stubble comes back within, like, 24-48 hours. but I'm just so torn and scared.

if you shave regularly, or have just shaved before, how did you do it? does anyone relate to the fear? atleast i know basics like shaving cream, double or triple blades and *not* shaving against the grain. but it's so emotionally charged for me that i feel like I'm getting dizzy. :( any advice is appreciated!

edit: thank you all so much for the advice! i took the plunge with what i had on hand, which was atleast a 5-blade with aloe vera and cocoa butter type shit in the gel lol. I'm surprised how, just, normal it ended up feeling. not to mention i LOOOVE the way the stubble feels!! can't wait for it to grow visible again :] I'll invest in a trimmer for the future as i am planning on letting it grow as long as it's willing to go (surely viking beard genetics will punch through 🫪)

TL;DR: I'm unsure if I'm a trans guy because I'm also chronically ill, and I'm worried I'm only imagining being a guy because, in that future, I'm not ill. Every time I have a flare up or feel generally ill, I think I should just stay a woman. Every time I feel better or my illness barely impacts me, I feel like a man again.

Medical context:

I'm 18 (FTM?) and developed POTS in spring 2025. I was diagnosed that September, and while my symptoms improved, I was diagnosed with moderate ME/CFS this June (though I personally think I'm mild). Since then, my mental health has plummeted, and I've been questioning my gender more than ever. I've also had depression since 2021.

Trans background:

Around August 2025 I started wondering if I might be trans, but I pushed the thoughts away because my school wasn't a safe place to explore them. By January, I started researching gender identity and dysphoria seriously, and by April I felt sure I was a trans guy. I'd come out to a few close friends and my cousins and had planned to come out to my parents this summer.

Before my ME/CFS diagnosis, I had all these silly dreams about spending my last two teenage years doing dumb boy stuff, working out again, falling in love as a guy, and eventually starting T.

Then I got diagnosed with ME/CFS, and it felt like that future disappeared.

Now, whenever I get sick or have a POTS flare (even if it's not PEM), I feel like I'm reliving some sort of trauma. I'm terrified that this will become my new normal because that's not the life I wanted.

This is where my confusion starts:

When I picture my future as a woman, I can imagine being disabled. I can imagine working as my dream job (therapist), my parents accepting me completely, and feeling safe. It isn't the future I want, but it's one I can picture.

When I picture my future as a man, I struggle to imagine myself as disabled. The future I imagined as a man always involved hiking, travelling, working out, exploring the world, and generally being active. I also wish I could have had a typical guy friend group through my teenage years. Since getting ill, I almost can't separate "being a man" from that life I'd hoped to have.

At the same time, I only started imagining a future outside of just having a career once I “allowed” myself to picture living as a man. Before that, my future was basically just "have a job." Suddenly, I can imagine hobbies, relationships, friendships, and travel.

Before getting ill, I felt very sure I was trans. I genuinely love it when my friends use a male name and he/him pronouns for me, even though I still feel awkward asking for them. Wearing a binder and masculine clothes feels like coming home. I get intense gender envy, sometimes to the point of crying or screaming into a pillow after watching a movie because I wish I looked like or could be one of the male characters. I've cried reading MLM stories because I felt like I'd never get to experience that as a guy. I get jealous of random guys on the street and hate when groups of guys suddenly change how they act because "there's a girl here now."

I also hate the idea of being pregnant and always have. Even now, if I'm bloated and my stomach looks pregnant, I feel disgusted and wish I had a flat, masculine body instead. I mourned losing all the gym progress I'd made before getting ill because I loved feeling stronger and more muscular.

At the same time, there are moments where I desperately wish I could just be a pretty girl. I think maybe if I tried harder to be feminine and attractive, I'd finally feel comfortable. Maybe all of this would go away.

I've also spent the last few years being angry at men (read: patriarchy) because of how many make women and minorities feel unsafe, and I worry about becoming part of that group. I'm also scared of disappointing my family and making my life harder by transitioning.

My therapist asked me a couple of months ago whether this could all just be a form of escaping my reality now that I'm chronically ill. Ever since then, I've been overthinking everything.

When I'm ill, I start thinking maybe I should just stay a woman because it's safer and easier. Maybe I only want to be a man because I'm attracted to men (I'm bi). Maybe I envy their strength because my body has become so weak.

But every time I convince myself I'm "just an insecure cis woman," the thoughts about being trans always come back. I honestly don't think a day has gone by since January where I haven't thought about my gender.

I also don't think I ever consciously wanted to be a boy as a child. My parents never enforced gender roles. I wore dresses, have always had long hair, and I've always been very sensitive and soft-hearted. On the other hand, I also don't think many cis women spend months questioning their gender every single day.

I feel really lost :/

Has anyone else with chronic illness or a disability experienced something similar?

How did you figure out whether you were grieving the life you thought you'd have versus experiencing genuine gender dysphoria or euphoria?

Did your feelings about your gender change depending on how ill you were?

I'm just a regular dude who happens to have girl parts so ill take the advantages i can get. like being invited to sleepovers with girls i like, and being more approachable to them, as well as having a larger singing range for theater. It really aint as bad as people say. sure some legislation is creeping up behind me to strike but we chill cus aint nothing I can do about it, so why worry? the weight of the world is a beautiful thing.

I'm high as fuck btw. thank you for listening to my ted talk

I've seen a bunch of posts about how all the Elliot Page hate is hard to see and really bringing people down. Of course, transphobia sucks. But I've not seen any of the hate at all. It's not because I don't believe it's there. I block transphobic content. You have control over what you see online to a large extent.

Keep constructive positive ideas in your feed. That's important for developing informed opinions. But useless hate? Block away.

I know the hate can feel alluring in a grotesque sort of way. I used to consume a lot of it. And it was not good for me. I started blocking things and poof! So if the Elliot Page stuff or anything else hate-driven is really getting you down, block it. And if you can't control it on the social media site you are on, take a break from that site.

edit: sp

I know, I know. In a perfect world I wouldn't ever consider moving there. But I'm in a really complicated predicament here, and I need some specifics from people who are there or used to be there.

I know it's one of the "do not travel" states, but I'm already in the other, Florida. But I think I've gotten really lucky here, bc I'm in the St Pete area, which is queer as fuck.

But onto the situation at hand. I currently live with my two closest friends in the world (They're married). These people are literally the only people I have. And they wanna move to Texas for a series of reasons; Better weather, cheaper housing, his grandparents live there, etc etc. But obviously, it's a very big concern for me. My buddy tried to ease my fears by telling me they saw plenty of clearly trans/queer people while they were visiting, but that doesn't actually say much about how safe it is.

So my question more or less is, when it comes to places you have to show ID or otherwise out yourself, how bad it is down there? I know day to day no one's gonna bother me. I will have had top surgery by the time this move would take place, and I already pass as is. No one's gonna bother me in the grocery store or something. It's getting medical care that scares me. It's getting my ID changed over and my car registered. It's picking up prescription; T included.

They'll obviously see that I'm trans when I go to get my ID changed over, will they be able to deny me because I'm trans? I've heard of some places trying to say being trans is "fraud" and I don't wanna get caught up if that's something Texas actually inforces in some way. Florida already sucks and I'm stuck with a big F on my ID forever, and I know Texas isn't gonna make that situation any better.

And again, I KNOW I shouldn't be considering going there at all. But if the only two people I have in the world are gonna go, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't afford to live alone, and I can't lose my only social circle. I feel trapped between two horrible options, and have no idea how to decide.

I can't immediately tell them no just based off fears. I need information. Am I gonna get denied medical care or even be injured or killed by medical professionals over there? Sure, my friends saw trans people there, they're alive, but how bad are their lives actually? That's something they can't tell me. Sure, those people are alive, but what quality of life do they have there? These are the things I need to know.

Any insight on this is appreciated. Please refrain from negative comments, I know how bad a decision this could be, I am so fully aware. But I need information before I make the choice that's right for me.

I started T two weeks ago, I’m about to take my third shot in like an hour. The first shot I noticed bottom growth basically immediately, that was about all I noticed but it’s the first shot so of course. I felt a bit oily but I’ve always been oily so idk if the two are related. The second shot I feel like I didn’t see any more bottom growth in the days after? Or any changes. Is this normal? It was literally immediate change after the first shot. I’m really scared i’ll have a failed transition so i’m overthinking a lot but i’ve convinced myself my bottom growth has actually shrunk and now i’m scared the effects of T are ebb and flow and hit or miss? Like I get bottom growth and the week drags on and it shrinks, and then some T shots do stuff and other don’t? I know I am so so early but I can’t help feeling like it shrunk and that scares me.

I started weekly T injections (0.25ml) about 12 days ago, and specifically since my second shot, I find myself just unmotivated and sensitive and so upset which sucks because I read about everyone saying it made them feel better.

I’ve struggled with mdd for most of my life, but the past year or so has been so steadily OKAY that I’d finally stopped my meds and I’ve been fine without them for 6+ months.. until now? I just really don’t want to fall back into something like that so I guess what I’m asking is if it’s possible for T to cause temporary feelings like this?

Side note.. I also have pmdd. Is it possible to still get those feelings even on T without getting a period? This is probably around the time I would get one and I just thought of that.

Did anybody else feel like this? Or just me lol..

I've wanted to start using an STP and bought CalExotics as a cheap beginner option. Honestly not a fan of this brand/design - it feels too flimsy and not shaped well, like I never get a good seal. Been looking at other options (Trans Man Supply, etc.). Would love to know which brands more experienced STP users love and recommend!

I live in a red state but my town is pretty okay with queer people but there’s still a good amount of kids who hate gay people in all forms I’m planning on being stealth for my own safety but I’m kinda nervous about being found out cause I’m not on t or really anything I’m also alternative so I have fear that’ll limit my passing which i mean is kinda stupid but that’s besides the point I don’t really know what advice I’m looking for just really any would help really my voice passes already it’s in the middle range to slightly high pitch male I’ve been just saying I’m behind on puberty and it seems to work but like I said any advice helps

Hi so I’ve been binding for almost 10 years now and now I’m suffering I work 12-14hr shift and don’t get to take my binder off till I’m home and i work nights so I go straight to sleep. I am a bigger guy so I wear a binder and a vest I’ve been on T for around 6-7 months now and I’ve definitely gotten more definition in my shoulder and chest so it’s becoming impossible to use a binder plus the years of bad binding and over use has ruined my chest and I am always in pain now so I’ve heard tape is the better option I do work manually so I get quite sweaty what do people recommend that won’t break the bank

Hello I’m a trans guy (19) and I need some advice in how to better flatten my chest. I’m beginning to have severe body dysmorphia with it, even with a size small chest binder they’re still prominent. No matter what I do to look more masculine people keep on misgendering me, and I can’t really do anything about it except correct them cause in the end I know that’s how they perceive me, as a girl. I don’t need any affirmations or confort for my situation, I need actual advice in how I can better my outside appearance to match what’s inside of me. Please help I’m really starting to lose hope.

When people, usually doctors, ask for your sex assigned at birth, that always comes with a very specific set of assumptions the person is making depending on how you answer. Not only do they assume you were born with a specific set of reproductive organs, but they also assume you retained those organs up into the modern day. So if I had a full hysto and don't have those reproductive organs anymore, continuously taking T, what good does it to say I'm AFAB? It doesn't matter anymore because I don't have those assumed organs, and giving that answer paints an inaccurate picture of me and my sex to whoever is asking. Is there a point where I can just lie about it because answering it truthfully would do me more harm than good?

Hey there friends

I am about 1 month out from my top surgery. I submitted to the ceo of my company my date for my surgery and vague accomodations (1 week rest and 2 weeks wfh) about 2 weeks ago via email. We have a skeleton crew in the office and we do not have an official HR representative for me to submit this information to which is why I had to involve CEO directly. CEO's response to me was that he needed to have a meeting with my direct supervisor before he can give me an answer on what to do.

After a week had gone by I followed up with my direct supervisor to see if there were any updates as I had not received any correspondence from either him or the CEO and I asked him if he had spoken with CEO. To summarize this interaction: he said yes and that they were not going to grant me WFH and that I would need to take the time off unpaid because "we just do not do that in this department." There have been other people in our company who have been granted WFH this year for one reason or another so I countered that it was frustrating that that seemed to be the verdict because that was unfair. He stopped responding to the conversation after this. We have someone who assists the CEO with unemployment claims when those come in so I am going to refer to that person as lond-of-hr going forward. This person approached me that same day to see how my day was going. One thing led to another and I told them why I was upset. They told me that they were going to speak to the CEO because this was unfair.

Fast forward to 2 days later I found out from the kind-of-hr-but-not-hr person that CEO verbatim told them that he BELIEVES that I am going to have a procedure where I will" be cutting my breasts off" because of a comment I made about potentislly being unable to move my arm very well and that he as an employer was not obligated to cover any GAC or plastic surgery procedures as a result of his speculation. Impotant things to note here are that I never once told him what my surgery was. Just that I needed temporary WFH and when the procedure date was.

So, obv, I know that this is essentially textbook discrimination. However, where I am running into issues and where I want to ask for advice is how do I even go about trying to whistleblow on discrimination if the only "proof" I have is someone telling me about a conversation that was had off the record with the CEO that did not directly involve me?

Additional things to mention:

1.) I have my pre-opp appointment on Thursday. I plan on responding to the email chain with any surgery accomodations outlined out by my surgeon team/surgeon (because both CEO and my boss are still ignoring me and my email) to see id I can get any acrual response.

2.) I have no PTO to be able to use to assist me in the downtime.

If you have experience,advice, resources, anything I would kindly appreciate any response. Thanks in advance! Stay safe out there.

So I've identified as agender for almost 6 years and I've been on T for about 1 year. For quite some time (including before T) I've constantly been going back and forth on whether I am truly 100% agender, a trans man, or something inbetween like genderfaun or demiboy.

The thing is, I really have an appreciation for neutrality and not having a gender. I think people treat gender too importantly and I like subverting it by not identifying with it at all. This is all to say that I have this sort of ideological appreciation for being agender beyond it just being something that I can identify with.

But whenever I see trans men existing, I find myself wanting to be a part of that so badly, and sometimes I really want to just be a man. This has made me go "okay, I guess that just makes me transmasc" but for whatever reason it's hard to accept and I just.. don't like it? I really like neutrality as I said, and being transmasc kinda goes against that. Also sometimes I don't have this desire whatsoever which is why I think I might be genderfaun (which is basically genderfluid but never female).

I also like being ambiguously trans so that people don't know what my birth sex is. I really identify with the term "AGABless" because I don't feel like my AGAB was ever all that important to me. I like that people don't know which way I'm transitioning. At least I think I do. The identity of being a trans man kind of goes against that for me too.

I honestly just feel like I want to be a boy but I also really don't. It's so frustrating and confusing and weird. I feel like I want a male body and to be socially genderless. But I don't know if that is me being in denial. Maybe I want to be open about the direction of my sex transition, but that is something I feel conflicted about. Maybe I have internalized misogyny that makes me feel ashamed about having been raised as a girl. Idk

Does anyone have any advice for me? I know this is all pretty complicated and weird but any feedback would be so helpful.