My psychiatrist is hinting at me trying meds but I hear so many side effects and it’s making me super hesitant. Are the results worth the side effects in your opinion? Honestly I’m kind of in denial a bit. Like I’ve gone my whole life fine, in a way, without meds. I think. Like sure a few depressive episodes but when I’m not actively suicidal it’s fine(debatable). Or maybe I’m just used to this quality of life and the average person lives significantly better and getting on meds would help me get there.

Like I think im hypomanic after getting a lot of good rest. Is that a thing that other people experience?

Manic when not enough sleep. Too much sleep. What is these goldilocks shit

I’ve been sick for so long. For years now. I’ve fought to stay alive and it’s taken everything out of me. I’m completely and utterly exhausted. I am beaten down and broken.

Yesterday and today I took extra propranolol to try to hurt myself. I knew it wouldn’t be quite enough to cause serious harm, but I wanted to see what would happen. I’ve been on the ledge even more than normal for weeks now. I spend more than half my day thinking of ways to end my life, trying to find ways to manage the fear and guilt of it. The thing I’m most scared of is surviving.

I can’t go to the hospital because I work at the one in my area. I work in mental health and I’ve already been hospitalized a few years ago when I attempted. I still haven’t recovered from the shame. I gave my sister my gun a couple weeks ago when I told her I was suicidal and now I wish I hadn’t. I simply don’t know how to go on. A family friend died from suicide last month and I do not want to cause my family that harm, but I can’t fight anymore.

I was broken up with a few months ago. We were together for 2 years, I thought the vast majority of the relationship went great. The breakup was very sudden, she asked to come over, I said in a bit, but she insisted it to be very soon. She was very jokey, cracking a shit ton of jokes before doing a complete 180. She told me that I was the most selfless person and a bunch of other meaningless compliments, before trying to leave and telling me that we aren’t going to have a conversation again.

While I did really like her, she wasn’t that good of a person. She was actively rude to pretty much every person she came across, had a huge ego, and had so many morally wrong stances. I was really really upset the first 3-4 weeks after the breakup, but it did eventually get better. This month so far I thought I had been doing good getting her off my mind. I found myself in a bit of a mental flow state for a good bit.

—————————————-
Where it starts to go bad
______________________

A few days I ago I spent time with a friend, who still actually followed my ex. It was the first time we had saw each other in a while, and at first we had no mention of my ex. Then randomly, out of the blue, my friend told me my ex is in a new relationship with a “fat Mexican nonbinary puppy boy” and she is their “owner”. I never have asked anyone for updates on my ex and I didn’t want to know anything, but what I heard really shocked me. It’s exactly the kind of thing my ex would mock and make fun of when we were together.

That night, I went on her Spotify (which was still on my tv) and tried to loop this puppy tv show song to make it her top song of the year. She eventually caught on and removed my device (after trying to play meme songs + sex noises through my tv). I sent her pictures of anime puppy boys on discord and she asked how I knew, I didn’t respond.

I felt so angry and so miserable at work the past few days so I took today off in an effort to rest, but I woke up way too early and haven’t been able to sleep. I had a really messed up idea early this morning, in which I did.

I made an insta account with her first name + last name initial, named it something puppy boy related, and posted a bunch of anime puppy boy images with weird captions and such. I followed a bunch of her colleagues in an effort to embarrass her at work. I had the account up for like 30 minutes before I got a message from her demanding it to be taken down and that I was harassing her. She’s not wrong, I really was harassing her. The moment I saw her message my heart sank and it hit me that was I was doing was wrong. I deleted, I said sorry and that I won’t do anything again, and blocked her.

I feel absolutely terrible and struck with remorse. Im trying to give myself some grace because I never sought out that information in the first place because I knew I could do something stupid like this. I hate that I am like this, I wish I could just function normally. I don’t want to be with her at all. I hate that I want to get revenge on her, she really doesn’t deserve it, I just have such strong feelings.

I noticed every time I get to work my mood changes . I’m usually fine before and have a nice time on my way to work while listening to music but when I get to work my mood and thoughts are bit more sporadic .

And it’s not about the people at my job. The other guards I get along with and the medical insurance workers are professional and seem nice .

It’s more so whatever that’s going on in my head.

In your opinion, do these tests give accurate results? I mean, for people diagnosed with bipolar II, did these tests provide even a small indication or not?

These are obviously questions for my doctor and not for the internet, but I guess I am just looking for some support.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple months ago. My memory, concentration and lack of motivation reached a point that I really needed some answers or I could not continue anymore.

But all of those issues are quite cyclical in nature now that I think about it. Just before the diagnosis I was actually feeling quite alright, working on my own personal hobby project every single day for multiple hours a day while the ideas just kept coming and flowing. I actually told myself I felt "happy" for once. And lo and behold, that all came crashing down as quickly as that whole "episode" of productivity and happiness came about in the first place. And now I am just depressed and burned out, and can barely do work on my actual job.

Similar thing happened just before Christmas. Working a month or some on a video game project, ideas just keep flowing, hours and days go by just like that, and then I crash and nothing interests me in life. I am also more active sexually at the same time. And after that I am just thinking that this is some kind of burnout, depression, or depression/burnout due to ADHD.

This sort of thing has been happening at least for 10 or 15 years by now. Be happy and productive for a month or so, and then just be depressed for the time in between. For the "ADHD" I have taken Concerta, but that has done absolutely nothing for the depression/burnout side of things. The meds make me a bit more "present", but that's it.

Hello all! I was finally diagnosed with BP2 almost 10 years ago now. Before then, I know my mental health was absolutely horrible but I also had a very good sex drive, regardless of whether I was hypo or depressive. Since being on medication (was on Lithium for about 8ish years, now on Latuda) I completely lost any and all sex drive/libido/etc. I’ve been with my partner for over 15 years now and horrifically, we have not had sex for about the past 10 years. It is officially taking a toll on him and his mental health. He’s not pressuring me in any way, but it is finally a problem that I have zero interest in sex. I don’t even look at anyone and feel attracted to them. It’s as if any and all sexual activity has vanished. We’re looking into sex therapists and I’m meeting with a gyno to discuss options for HSDD. My question however, has anyone gone off their meds completely and gotten their sex drive back? I’ve been in therapy for over 10 years at this point, I strength train…I’m wondering if I stopped taking my meds if I’d be able to handle the ups and downs of this diagnosis better and hopefully feel sexual again. Any and all advice is appreciated.

I got fired in January when my coworkers found out about homicidal night terrors I had about one of my colleagues. Two days later I was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 and Borderline Personality Disorder. Has anyone else here lost a job because of their mental health condition?

I turned 30...

Im old now

Good news tho! I found my old Pokewalker from 2010 lol

Hi, I (24F) am literally turning 25 next week so I took two days off work to celebrate. However I believe I have been in a mixed episode after introducing Rexulti. I had a really bad night last night and I feel bad but I called in today over it.

All this to say my family wanted me to go to the hospital last night but these are the following symptoms I’ve been experiencing:

Racing thoughts
Agitation
Aggression
Super low and suicidal ideation
Self harm
So tired but want to do everything still.

Is this considered a mixed episode?

Hey guys, I just wanted to invite anyone who needs to join. We have a bipolar (Discord) server. It’s pretty good. We’ve had it for about a year now. I’ve been running it with a few other people. We have a very, very solid group, and I’m just inviting more people if they would like to join; I sent some screenshots of the server if you’re interested. I know it’s usually really hard for people to enjoy stuff like this, but we’ve been running for over a year. We have such a healthy group and a healthy community. I would love for more people to join. If you need support, we are here for you. :) There are about 85 members right now, and we are pretty active still after all this time. Anytime I need support, this is the first place I go to. I love this community!

Dm for an invite!

PS I am the owner (along side 2 others) so lmk if you have any questions.

I had a few months long rapid cycling episode thing and my speech is worse. Its worse out loud. I lose words, cant express my thoughts clearly to people, half thoughts, all that. Every conversation I leave feeling like that was not what I wanted or was trying to say. My sentences and structure and grammar were already all mixed up. I'm on lamotrigine I know that was and is definitely contributing to it. I had an underlying health issue that exacerbated the brain inflammation and extended the episode. This last episode I keep trying to describe how it was for me, what happened, apologize to people. I have all these thoughts and some of it comes out but I can't get it out at the right times before the conversations end even when I'm trying so hard. Even thoughts unrelated to the emotional stress, normal things dont come out quite right. It is easier to type, but still things are not coming out correctly. Having a longer time to pause and type helps but I can't do that with everything. I know I need time to rest and heal, but it has never happened to me to this degree and I'm just sad I cant express what is really in my heart to the people I love :(

So like 5 years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2/ADHD and have tried like 20 different meds and multiple combinations within those meds. My current regiment is 150mg Lamictal, 50mg Vyvanse, 450mg Wellbutrin, and 900mg Oxcarbazepine. Recently my psychiatrist has changed my diagnosis from Bipolar 2 to BPD/ADHD/treatment resistant depression; the BPD doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. For context- he is not the psychiatrist that originally diagnosed me and I have seen multiple different ones in the past 5 years due to VA healthcare being insane lol. He is now wanting to add Latuda (I’ve taken before) to my cocktail because my current meds are helping everything but my depression for the most part. I’m wondering if anyone is on a similar combination of meds and what your experience has been. TIA!

Been stable for a few months now thanks to the right med combo and a solid routine. Should feel grateful and on paper things are fine. But when the chaos disappears I don't really know who I am without it. Spent so many years managing the highs and surviving the lows that I never figured out what the middle looks like for me. It's quiet and uneventful and honestly kind of boring and that boredom makes my brain start wondering if I was ever really sick at all. Then I start missing the hypomania and that thought alone scares me because I know exactly where that road leads.

Anyone else feel almost untethered when things get calm. Not craving an episode but not quite trusting the peace either.

hi everyone! im f18 struggling with BD2 since january this year. i officially got my diagnosis in april and now im on antipsychotic, antidepressants and mood stabilizer

do you ever feel dull pain in your entire body that doesn't make any sense but makes you want to crawl out of your skin?

both mentally and physically i cant say that im in a bad place right now but i highly suspect that im in a mixed episode. this is a new feeling for me because usually its accompanied by miserable thoughts and etc. but for the past couple of days im just feeling okay except for the part where i want to roll around on the floor and groan because i cant even name the place on my body where i feel PAIN

wanted to ask if there's someone else who experienced this and what helped you personally

quick note: ofc i will be discussing this with my psychiatrist as soon as I'll be able to book an appointment

Firstly, let me say I'm maintaning all my regular meds and have a dr's appointment already booked for next Friday for med review.

Also, forgive the text wall.

Been in deeper than average for me depressive cycle for about 3 weeks, now.

Decidedly miserable, but managing. The old 'this too shall pass'.

Then, this past Monday (Wednesday here, now) I caught up with a guy who's become a good mate I'd worked extensively with on rare immunological disorder and blood plasma donation campaigns. I did tye public facing, public speaking and direct advocacy etc, he handled all the behind the scene stuff.

He'd been losing a bit of weight while we were working, but at the time, no big deal.

Called him Monday to catch up with him. Hadn't seen each other in about 4 months, I'd been overseas.

Learned 3 weeks after the end of campaign work, he'd got bloody sick.

Long story short - hes been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer spread to the liver and abdominal involvement. His Dr's reckon best case, maybe 8 months.

Have dropped into the deepest, most devastated depressive state I've ever experienced.

When I'm not bawling my eyes out I'm sleeping without any interest inngetting out of bed, eating, self care.

Just feels like with my mental state rn that the sun has set and will never rise again.

I can't keep going like this.

I don't know what to do.

Its like I have this gratefulness and grief about being diagnosed. I’m glad I finally had an explanation for years of aimless suffering, but knowing it so undeniably has me deeply mourning the person I would’ve been had I not been mentally ill. I started college in 2021 and graduated this may, and college was a beautiful life changing experience. And it was also $200,000. I‘m not yet regretting that financial commitment, but I struggled so much with depression that I didn’t, and couldn’t, perform my absolute best.

I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world, I wouldn’t have had a will to live had I not chosen this school, and met amazing talented people who really care for me. I made such great friends while I was hpyomanic, but as equally as i was confident and charismatic and admired, I was oversharing, doing stupid dangerous shit, hypersexual (which i mostly regret), could never focus on school, anxiously attached and obsessing over lame men. I‘m embarrased!! I’m looking at everyone else realizing that most people aren’t deeply traumatized and ill, and realizing that they all had to see me like that. They all know how vulnerable and deeply imperfect I am.

Makes me feel lesser idk. I know it’s a bout of insecurity, I did great work and am loved and a better person. it just sucks knowing my life could’ve been so much easier had I been diagnosed a lot sooner.

Bipolar is really hard. Working with Bipolar is really hard. It's this exhaustion that just sinks into my bones and won't go away. I can feel myself slipping into the low phase. It feels like I've just been there, and nobody has time to go back. I'm tired of meds that don't work but make me sick, or meds that do work but insurance won't cover. I'm just so tired, and no one around me understands or even cares enough to understand. They just get annoyed. Yeah, me too, buddy. I am very annoyed with this too. What am I supposed to do?

this depressive episode is fucking intense and idk how to handle it. i don’t feel connection or love for my family and friends the week before my cycle. severe anhedonia and depersonalization. there’s an underlying feeling of this throughout the month but this week i feel it so much more. is this normal???

i’ve been going through one of the worst depressive episodes i’ve ever experienced. i’m suicidal (i don’t have a plan though), i’m barely eating, i can barely do everyday tasks, i even had my therapist write me a letter excusing me from work for a month. the plan was to admit me to a partial hospitalization program, but i can’t afford it. i have insurance through my mom’s work (i’m 21 for reference), but the deductible is almost $5k and my mom is refusing to help me pay for it (even though she has six figures in her savings. i know i’m not entitled to her money, but it feels like a punch in the gut). i’m not working, so i can’t afford it, and even if i was still working, i only worked like 18 hours per week @ $15/hr (they wouldn’t give me any more hours, i asked). my therapist tried looking for pro bono/sliding scale facilities, but couldn’t find any near where i live. everyone emphasizes how you need to ask for help when you’re in crisis, but then when you do, it feels like you’re met with a million roadblocks that make your situation even worse. if anyone has any advice or support, i could really use it right now

Over on the Succession sub there's a lot of speculation that Kendall Roy suffers from bipolar. IMO It's one of the better depictions of the illness I've seen- Jeremy Strong does a phenomenal job. I highly recommend the series if you haven't seen it yet.

Reposting because this is highly relatable. And sad. And funny. Which sort of sums up the whole ball of bipolar wax.

I’m in a long distance relationship, so I travel every couple of months to see my partner, plus sometimes more to see my family that lives out of state.
It’s only an hour time difference but I always feel like it throws me into like a mini mixed episode when I get home- but I feel fine on the trip. Anyone else get this?