10 years ago, I finally discovered that I'm ace. I was almost 50. I marked the day in my calendar.

Watched the episode of House where he "cured" someone from asexuality.

It made me feel so uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels a like the writers just use House to be racist, sexist, homophobic and that episode it was our turn.

I am so tired of seeing those posts going:

"My partner is (potentially) a Sex Repulsed/Sex Averse Asexual, what do I do??"

Often sprinkled in with the assumptions or plain out mentioning that their partner suffered from SA. Sometimes even details about their previous sexual experiences or any other PRIVATE details that have no business being on the goddamn Internet.

You know why they fuck me up so much?

Because EVERY SINGLE ONE of them has the SAME fucking answer and it's pissing me off.

"TALK. TO. YOUR. PARTNER.

NOT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET.

AND KEEPS YOUR PARTNERS INTIMATE DETAILS TO YOURSELF."

We are not one unite or a hive mind. That's like assuming all heteros do. Stop it. Use your brain. COMMUNICATE with your partner, stop oversharing on the Internet.

Hi I am hoping to drip my toes into the world of online dating in Australia and wondered if anyone has any recommendations of which apps are more ace friendly or even which ones to avoid.

I am mostly housebound due to disability so likely for now most if not all the interactions will be online. Happy to hear about your experiences in this context too and anything I should be wary of as an asexual dating online.

Thanks! :)

hi first post! (and im sorry if the flair is wrong)

sorry if this is super specific, but i was wondering if theres a specific label (or something close to it) for when you dont personally care for sex but youd be willing to do it for your partner?

like i said i dont really care much for sex, i can consume nsfw media (although i find some of it kinda gross to look at lol but thats probably just me) but it doesnt really do anything for me pleasure-wise. i dont really foresee myself having sex for my own enjoyment, but if i had a partner that wanted to do it id be willing to do it for them. sorry if this is tmi, i just thought getting specific would maybe help.

any help or advice is appreciated, thank you!

I am lithosexual/Lithoromantic and I have been for many years now. The problem is, I yearn for a relationship; to be with someone. I have tried in the past, but none of which felt right or comfortable for me. I experience normal crushes, normal sexual feelings, I just feel uncomfortable with the concept of actually doing any of those things with another person.

I feel lonely allot how can I live with this identity?

Yo hay everybody, I’m pretty new to this paragraph style on Reddit as i usually send art on here, so please ignore if I don’t sound very clear.

Recently I decided to think deeply about my sexuality as I always thought my self as straight, I never had a crush on a guy before and all my crushes have always been women. Recently I just decided to prolly check out some gay porn and that for a moment made start questioning about myself as It low ki did turn me on.

I know there is a difference between porn and reality but I’m not sure if I got turned on because it was 2 guys having sex or whether it was the enjoyment they are getting from it.

After that I just started to deeply think about putting myself in such scenarios with a guys in my life and honestly I couldn’t imagine myself enjoying it. But if this is a necessary assessment I am pretty open to cuddling with a guy and maybe having lip to lip contact as more of an affectionate thing But again I am not sure wether I would ever commit to sleeping with a guy.

I came from a pretty religious family so as most of you know it could be pressing up on my inner bisexuality.

I also want to say is that if I ever turn out to be bisexual my bi chart would be 90% women and 10% men. As apparently I might have a very high standard with men I persume.

Another thing I want to add is that if ever get with a guy it might be somebody who is androgynous looking, who has a feminine face and long hair but a muscular build.

I am not sure if this is a whole fantasy thing or if this is actually who I really am. I want to also add another possibility that I might also be aroace. Because whenever I start thinking about men the way I feel about women also starts feeling as dim. Sometimes I do develop feelings for a girl but I never for some reason want to be associated with her, if that makes sense? Like I dream of being with her but when I am physically next to her those feelings flush away for some reason. Could be a sort of aromantic spectrum ?

I am not sure whether I am bisexual or asexual because the more I think about men the more i realize that my feelings are kinda similar to how I feel about women in a sexual context.

I also would like to say that I find both the penis and the vagina gross but the idea of pleasing the person on the other end of porn videos is what gets me going.

I am so sorry if I barely made sense during this whole thing. I am just perplexed on how I feel.

so one time a person called me a perverted man for wanting to read softcore bdsm yuri but i countered with the fact i'm ace and the person deleted the comment soon after.

i want to know if this is a common experience with other ace men

I've always been queer, and used to call myself aro/ace, but frankly I think I forced the "sexual" part of things onto myself. "It", feeling it, and experiencing it, makes me actually physically ill. I feel like vomiting. It's not that I don't want it, and I do naturally feel it, but it makes me violently ill. I feel the same way with either gender I'm attracted to. Is it Asexuality? Or is something physically wrong with me?

I have been in a relationship for a couple years now and we currently are living together. My sex drive has been something ive always struggled with and never could seem to understand. If tomorrow I was told I could never have sex again I wouldn't be hung up over it.

I was raised very conservative and religious (i am not by any means religious) but having the thought drilled into me that sex is disgusting etc etc has really effected my outlook on it from the beginning. I have never really been a sexual person, nor has my mental health been affected by the lack of. If anything sexual things, even in media, makes me disgusted and uncomfortable. I avoid media or jokes that are in any way sexual like a virus.

TW background info

I have been in a few sexually abusive relationships before this current one. I was diagnosed with PTSD and have to attend specialized therapy for my past relationships.

End of TW

Now that I am in a very serious long term relationship I see it effecting it horrifically and I feel like I am at a point of no return. My partner is more sexually active than me and the lack of it really makes my partner crumble mentally. I feel guilty that I am less sexual and how poorly they feel. In the beginning I thought they were understanding but after a while of arguing and now feeling like I am something broken that needs to be fixed im not sure if I can "fix my sexuality".

I feel very depressed, unheard, and lost. I have so many questions and feel alone. Am i asexual or something else??? Do I need to fix myself?? Is my relationship doomed to fail? I feel like i am the problem and im at my breaking point. Im not even sure what I should ask anymore.

Hi all,

First ever post on this account do be kind. My first post i want to talk about is this, its been a lot to digest, physically and also emotionally. Done a lot of research but now just have got the courage to ask. My wife (37 F) and I (33 M) have been together for 8 years, we have a young daughter (1 F).

Similar to almost any relationship, things were great, we clicked not just mentally but physically. An as time passed, things slowed down a bit and we matured into our relationship. Weve always talked, no secrets kept and we know each other very well. Over the course of the last 3 years, I noticed a change in my wife's behaviour when it came to bedroom activities.

Like all men should, respected my wife if she stated she wasnt in the mood or just wasn't right timing. After a while of constant no's, I asked the question. What's going on? This is when it came to light that she had been hiding that she was Asexual and not keen on sex (I know theres a term for this but cant remeber it now) and only really did it to satisfy me.

We talked a great deal, a lot of pent up emotions from her which I listened to, to understand, to see from her side of things, the reasons and the overall thought process. As noted at the very start, ive only just now got the courage to ask others. Personally I felt lied too that she had hid it all this time and that we also had our daughter during this. Betrayal maybe? But also she knew from the very offset I had said my libido is high. Which now makes me feel like trash knowing she was only doing it for my satisfaction.

My ask is this, how do I move forward? What can i ask? How did you get round this yourselves?' Because we have discussed my needs, her needs, our daughter and our relationship. Divorce isnt an option for us, Open relationship is off the cards, I love her dearly and her, I also. Our daughter means everything to us. Yet our relationship has taken a hit, not a major one, but you know something just isnt the same. I dont want to ask for sex and I feel dreadful, even thinking to ask this from her. Masturbation isnt the same. I dont want celibacy but I dont want to put my wife in a situation shes not happy with.

I love my wife, but I am at a loss. Advice please.

i don't really have anyone i want to/can discuss this with, so i thought i'd post here (^:

i feel like i'm aceflux, but i'm doubting it and questioning a lot of things, so i thought i would ask and see if i am, or not!
i'd say i'm pretty sexual in general (idk how to word this sorry 😭), having sexual thoughts among other things i don't necessarily want to share. but i would say i'm more sexual than the average person. but, i also have periods of time where the idea of anything sexual is very replusive or generally unpleasant to think about. however those periods of replusiveness are definitely shorter than the periods where i'm more sexual.

with partners in the past (all long long distance, so pretty much online), i've been frequently pretty sexual with them. i still would have those moments where anything sexual is replusive, but they wouldn't be as often or as long as they are as opposed to being single.

i feel like aceflux fits me, but at the same time i'm very confused since those periods where i'm replused by sexual thoughts are generally shorter than the periods where i'm not repulsed. i just want a proper label so i feel more comfortable (^:

I have a lot of BDSM related things I want to explore with others in real life. The problem is I have no idea where to find people like this + I will admit I think a lot of things I want to explore with people who are like 40+ as a 22 year old and I think it's going to be difficult to find someone who fits both demographics. I feel really lost 😭 I know fetlife exists but it's extremely sex focused it seems and I don't want anything sexual at all. One of the biggest things I want to explore, I really want a parent (or parents) + daughter dynamic as part of it but the closest thing to that is agere except I don't want to age regress as part of it, at least if I did it wouldn't be anything really young so I don't really feel like that's my thing. Unless I'm misinformed and agere doesn't have to involve talking like a kid, pacifiers etc and that's just what most people do? Idek. For many years I've fantasised about being really emotionally close to older men and women who treats me like a daughter.

Sorry in advance for the strange wording, as English is not my native language.

Asexuals may have libido, but do not need to direct it where and to whom, that is, asexuals do not have sexual attraction. I can feel it very clearly, although it's very strange. How do you describe such a phenomenon and do you have it at all?

I’m asexual with a romantic attraction to women, i live in a country that is extremely religious and same sex relationships are nonexistent, I don’t mind since romantic relationships aren’t my thing and i never felt the need for a romantic partner. I do want to be loved but it’s not a necessity to me

However, I’ve always known that i am not attracted to men, not physically or romantically hell not even as friends I can’t stand them ( men from my country) and since I started my big girl job my family expects me to get married soon, to a man
The process is a random woman will call my mother and ask id she has girls in the age range her son wants and my mother will agree and suddenly i have a fiancé
For three years now I’ve been turning down all the “suitors” my mom would bring and not think about it, but she’s been pressuring me about the subject way too much telling me I’m going to be old soon and no one will ever want me anymore, I tried to tell her my reasons without telling her about the asexual stuff

Problem is she genuinely believes marriage is for one reason only : having kids
Now i have always known my whole life that I don’t want to have my own kids, get pregnant or even have sex, i see it in a very animalistic way and panic just thinking about it. She doesn’t get it she even told me i can get married to have a couple of kids then get divorced.

I don’t believe in the concept of marriage or the religion my family practices but I cannot say that to them or it will cost me my life, to be honest I consider taking myself out of here to avoid having this conversation again
They will never understand my point of view and will never accept me as i am, so I don’t know what to do anymore, every time the subject is brought up I immediately start crying uncontrollably and get super depressed and suicidal but no one takes it seriously

I don’t have enough money to leave for even a week, i even considered marrying a gay man to protect both of us but I don’t trust men enough to do that, they always press for children to “prove their manhood” and i will be stuck with a man and a child i hate and just be nothing like the rest of my bloodline.

If you have any advice please share, English isn’t my first language sorry for any mistakes.

25M dating 25M for four years. We fucked when our relationship was new, but then we fell out of the habit. I was wondering if anything had changed between us and he said he wasn't sure if he liked having sex at all. It took me a little while to think through it but I don't think I mind. I still like our relationship and I'm not really interested in having sex with anyone besides my partner - and if he's not interested, neither am I.

I'm a very sex-favorable person and if my partner wanted to have sex I'd be super down, but I also think that if he never wanted that again, I'd be completely okay with that too. I feel more strongly about wanting to build a life with him.

Does anyone else here have a relationship like this? Has it worked out? I can really see a future for us but I don't want to kid myself if I'm ignoring a big incompatibility.

i dont know if its the right place to do it because im new to it, but im 27M soon 28 in a few months, i like guys emotionally, but i dont wanna have sex with anyone. I did have a bf before, but i never got horny or even felt anything everytime we would do it. i always had to pretend to enjoy it. i came to believe something was wrong with me. It doesnt bother me to get intimate w the guy i love whenever he wants but other than that i am totally uninterested in sex. and it has always been a big problem for me. As someone who sensitive and more into emotions, relationships have always been scary for me as i can see how people just treat sex as something casual and do it with litteraly anyone, that makes me stressed and anxious to be in a relationship. Does anyone experiences this too ?

premise: this is the one night a year that premarital sex is legal

huh????? straight people wanna be oppressed so bad. this is WEIRD

I’m an 18 yo female, and I’m questioning not for the first time whether I’m asexual

I’ve never had the desire to have sex with anyone else - sure I find people attractive, but the thought of male genitalia just grosses me out and I lowkey don’t want it anywhere near me

The only thing is is that I occasionally dabble with porn (in written form bc again the visuals gross me out), and then I feel super guilty about it afterward and I feel like I’m disgusting and all the sorts

I’m not saying I’m completely against having sex, maybe it’s because I’ve never had it that makes me dislike the thought of it (and maybe the fact that I’ve never had a boyfriend (by choice)) but idk, I’m really confused man

And should I feel guilty about the porn?? If I’m being honesty sometimes I read GIF fics just for the GIFs, but after a minute they just gross me out so idkkkk😭

Another thing is is that I had free reign of the internet when I was a kid, meaning I exposed myself to pornographic material WAYY too early on, which I’m pretty sure has led me to being hyper sexual.

Some advice or anything would be great - I just gotta know if I’m normal😭😭

What's your equivalent to romantic fanatics and could you suggest me some?

(Note: I know some might still like conventional romantic fanfics im talking about those who dont)

Warning for Sex House spoilers below, but the entire series is like two hours total to finish and it's over a decade old at this point, so I can't imagine it matters too much. This is partly infodump, partly wanting to hear from other acespecs who watched it.

Randomly remembered Sex House and decided to go rewatch it. For anyone out of the loop, Sex House was a ten episode web-series released by The Onion about 14 years ago, and it's a satire of the reality TV that was really popping at the time. It mostly plays on the one-note archetypes participants are often encouraged to lean into, and also makes commentary on the lack of protections and regulations for workers in reality TV in the States. A lot of the absurd conditions they joke about the character's being kept in the series just ended up being real things that also happened years later on actual reality TV shows that have a similar 'sex sells' premise, like Love Island. Also, there's an interpretation for Plato's allegory of the cave in the overarching story.

It was a real weird show, but I love it since I grew up watching a lot of reality TV and it puts into art a lot of the ethical concerns with the medium's production. And an element that sticks out to me is The Host of the show, who pretty much fulfills his role as a soulless, uncaring, and self-obsessed reality TV producer. He's apathetic to the suffering of the participants on the show, and he just wants them to have sex and get it over with for the sake of ratings, resorting to holding promises of prizes and healthy food over their heads after starving them, and eventually attempting to drug them.

He is canonically and explicitly asexual. One of the contestants tries hitting on him and he awkwardly rejects her twice on the basis of his asexuality. It's so bizarre going back to watch this show from 2012 and seeing asexuality acknowledged and identified with verbally, and I'm really fascinated with him as a character because of this.

He is most certainly not the best representation that could have happened. He's the villain of the show, and reading through the comments' interpretation of him as a character is an activity that I would not recommend because most of it is aphobic in nature.

But I also feel like his asexuality was meant to have a thematic relevance in the show beyond the irony of an ace and sex-averse man being a producer on a television series that exploits and sells the characters' sexualities. One commenter I saw speculated on the producers not understanding the nature behind why people have sex, or what sex even is; they just know that people like to have it and people want to watch it, and they prioritize it as a means to an end with the desired result ultimately being profit. I think having an asexual character in a premise like this one is an interesting way to explore the voyeuristic nature of sex on TV and the artificial ways showrunners try to instigate it.

I know I just yapped for five paragraphs straight, but I want to hear other acespecs chiming in with their thoughts since this show is my current hyperfixation and I simply won't be able to stop thinking about it. Y'all got any strong thoughts on this character or his concept?

Growing up, anything involving sex, nudity, or even basic attraction made me wildly uncomfortable. Being overly religious with severe OCD, made normal things feel like a taboo. My brain basically conditioned me to treat normal human desires like toxic waste.

I’ve done a lot of work on my mindset over the years, but intimacy still feels like uncharted territory for me.
The hardest part right now is the sheer insecurity of feeling so far behind. Things that most people do automatically like masturbating, having casual nsfw thoughts, or daydreaming about someone they find hot, literally didn't happen for me. I didn't even realize how differently my brain was wired compared to my peers until my mid-20s.

Now I’m turning 30, and the total lack of experience is giving me major anxiety. I’m also very angry and grieving. I feel cheated out of normal teenage and 20s milestones that everyone else got to take for granted while I was stuck in my own head.

I just feel my life could have been different if I wasn’t like this growing up. I feel so behind in life and don’t know what to do, I feel stuck.