1 or 2 or neither?

hellooooo !!!!!!! i’m autistic (been diagnosed since 2023) and i’ve really been struggling with friendships the past few years in particular, especially as a teenage girl, and it’s honestly been really miserable. i have friends, everyday at school i sit with the same group of friends, the same group i have sat with at lunch for the past 3/4 years, but i dont really know if they’re really friend friends. we used to hang out with each other on birthdays, and i typically hang out with one of the girls in the group around 4 or 5 times a year outside of school, but i dont have anything in common with the others, and the girl i do get along with quite well is much closer to another girl in our group. i feel like this is always kinda the case with me. i have a group of friends, but they all seem to have their “person” if that makes sense. i dont even remember the last time i’ve had someone i consider a best friend actually reciprocate those feelings (which has led to a few embarrassing moments of me sharing my gratitude towards them and it becoming awkward). i also have a hard time figuring out if the things people say/do towards me are meant to upset me, or if i’m just overthinking it. this is stuff like me always walking behind everyone else if the pathway is too small, their tone of speaking changes a little bit when i say something (pausing, short responses, side glances), and stuff like them all waiting for each other, and doing things with each other, but suddenly when i’m the one taking time, or i need something, theres always someone who is delegated the role of waiting for me, rather than them all waiting (if they wait for me at all). i dont think it actually bothers me that much, it’s more so just the fact that theyre all quite dependent on each other (like they always want someone to go to the bathroom with them, buy lunch with them, cant not be in any classes without them) like that one meme of the two alien looking creatures gripping onto each other and staring at the screen. Theyre sweet girls, i’m just struggling to find reasons to stay friends with them, especially since from my observations, it doesn’t seem like they like me that much.

recently, however, i started talking to this girl in my grade through social media, bonding over our love for music, and our values and beliefs (particularly political because i care a lot about that). this has been going on for the past year. a few weeks ago i suggested we go to an art gallery together and then have lunch in the city. she said that sounded cool, but like most times i initiate something, i dont expect them to follow up or for us to go through with it. she did end up sending me a follow-up message a few days later and we did end up spending the day together which was really lovely. I really enjoy talking to her, and spending time with her, and it feels like she really gets me and i get her, but i cant help but worry that i value our friendship much more than she values it. it’s kinda like, i would honestly do anything for her, but i imagine that to her, i’m just someone she talks to every once in a while. which hurts. i feel like i feel things much more than most neurotypical people i know, and relationships with me always end up quite intense, especially when i eventually allow myself to unmask and be myself (which is very rare). we haven’t spoken to each other much since our hang out (maybe 2/3 times), mainly because the only way we strike up a conversation is by sending each other tiktoks that give us an excuse to talk, but i’d really like to get closer with her.

okay so this was quite long, and rereading now it seems like a really stupid thing to be posting about and quite silly compared to some of the other things people talk about here (like actual issues people face), so i dont expect this to gain many responses. i guess this is kind of a vent, but also, as the title suggests, i just want to know how i can grow closer friendships with the people i like, and how to figure out if they even like being around me in the first place (do you guys think that girl actually like me? or am i blowing this whole thing way out of proportion and fixating on it too much)

also i think it’s important to note that while friendships are usually like:

common interest —> friendship —> hanging out —> getting more comfortable with each other —> becoming close enough to vent with each other/talk about real issues

but our friendship has been going like this:

common interest —> VERY deep, vulnerable conversations that i would never have with anyone else —> friendship? —> dont speak to each other —> very quick conversations if we happen to pass each other at school —> not having very meaningful conversations at all, unless prompted by a tiktok (very rare) —> hangout for the first time —> dont speak to each other

within the first few days of chatting online with each other, we had already covered childhood, parental issues, family issues in general, i told her i was autistic (i never willingly tell anyone that), “sorry if it seems like i dont like you, school is just really exhausting and i struggle to talk with people”, stuff that i dont think is appropriate to talk about with someone you’ve only just met.

bleh sorry for this very long-winded post, i dont expect anyone to read this, and if you do, i doubt it will make much sense

I have ADHD and I struggle keeping in touch with the people I care about the most. I randomly have time and energy to talk to someone, usually on a long drive, folding laundry, cooking, grocery shopping... just random windows where I think, I'd love to call a friend right now. But I had no idea who was available (obviously, I didn't plan ahead for this). I'm an expat and most of my friends are in a different time zone, so my random free moment can be 6am for them. Most of the time and with the effort it took, I'd just throw on a podcast.

I genuinely really care about maintaining my connections and keeping in touch, and when it actually happens I get so much out of it. But somehow 6 months flew by, I catch up with my best friend back home and she's pregnant again... So I built an app.

The whole idea is basically, "I've got some time if anyone else happens to have some too." That's it.

After talking about this with people I thought it could be useful for others, maybe even especially neurospicy folks like me.

Here it is:

https://spaceapp.me

Please let me know what you think. I want this to be useful, so I'd appreciate any input from y'all.

I was talking with my therapist about some of my struggles with socializing and she brought up the idea of maybe looking into autism. The problem is I can’t in my head pin down if I was always like the way I am. I want to get my mom’s opinion on the topic and I’m trying to look for a good article I can send to her to see what she thinks.

I always need the change of pose, or to hug pillow for physical satisfaction. Few years ago hugging 1 pillow was enough, now I have 6 little pillows in bed and put them in certain places like between thighs, under the feet, behind my back, etc. because my mind tells me to. I think for dopamine.

If I don't? IT HURTS MENTALLY. Nothing is enough.

I have a theory that my ADHD is so severe and dopamine deficient that my brain takes everything like drugs and I need more and more stimuli to feel satisfaction. I don't know how to feel rested. Even if I fall asleep I'm like 30%-40% awake because I'm uncomfortable.

I don’t really know what I expect to get out of posting this. I’ve been on the waitlist for four years, and at 16 I finally had my assessment and was diagnosed with autism, along with OCD.

I’m feeling a lot of emotions right now, and honestly I’m not sure what I expected to feel. After waiting so long, part of me had almost convinced myself the assessment would never happen before I turned 18.
I’m not upset about the diagnosis itself persay I think I’m just overwhelmed now that it’s real.

I’m feeling really lost. Even though everything was explained to me; the funding, future supports, and the analysis of my childhood traits, social interactions, and everything else, I don’t think ive actually comprehended any of it. It all feels like surreal

I don’t really think I’m asking anything by posting this. I guess I just want to feel heard. I REAALLLY don’t know.

I’m 34F, treated for bipolar and ADHD. I suspect I could have mild ASD but I’ll explain that later. My boyfriend is treated for ADHD but he’s only been on the Vyvanse for about 3 months. He takes 40mg, I take 50mg. I’ve been on it since 2018.

We run into conflict because he is very different in his symptoms. He cannot focus on one thing because he’s thinking about too much all the time. He can’t multitask or foresee the steps beyond the one he’s doing. He can get up and do tasks no problem but he becomes unproductive with his time. He has pretty significant time blindness. He also has other symptoms that I’m questioning if it’s truly ADHD driven: severe racing thoughts and he gets emotional like 0 to 100 in .5 seconds over small things.

I am very different: I struggle to be motivated and to get myself to do things. I seem to be very rigid in how I want to do something and because of that, I end up doing nothing at all because I don’t always know where to start. When I do manage to do something, I can multitask well. I know what the next 3 steps ahead of me should be and I turn into this machine of wanting to use every minute wisely. I spend a lot less time on tasks than he does, even just window shopping - non essential things along with essential things. I’ve had people suggest I could have some ASD because of just how bent out of shape I get when plans don’t go accordingly, when people don’t make plans, etc. I get very stressed out when people invite us to social stuff and don’t have any sort of plan. I have this issue with his family and as a result I don’t go there often because I can’t handle waiting until the day of to hear anything as simple as a time they plan to eat dinner. I’m not cool and breezy as I say. My boyfriend is way more laid back in that way. So I’ve been trying to work through that myself.

Because I am bipolar and have been formally diagnosed since 2018 (but was treated starting in 2014 by a different psych that called it “bipolar tendencies”) I recognize rage when I see it. I’ve experienced racing thoughts but not like he does. For example the other day we were talking about something, and then he said something out loud like he was responding to an entirely different conversation. I was like what are you talking about, and he basically said “sorry too many thoughts going at once, I just realized that’s not what we were talking about”. He constantly, before and while on Vyvanse, complains about the constant background noise in his mind just jumping in all different directions. It doesn’t seem like Vyvanse is fixing the problem.

The symptom I worry the most about is how he can get explosive at a drop of a hat. I’ve been with him close to 2 years and we have lived together since last October. I’ve been seeing how extreme he can respond to something small. The other day his spreadsheet for work crashed and he lost about an hour of work. This isn’t one he had to create, just fill out. He went on a very loud raging rant out loud (like talking but not talking to me if that makes sense) and then screamed into a pillow. I had to tell him to calm down after he was practically trying to smack himself in the head and that’s what felt unnerving to me. This has been happening enough for me to notice. A week ago there was a busted pipe in the road and the apartment had to haphazardly have the water cut on and off - I was annoyed too, but he lost his shit when he came home and realized he couldn’t shower.

He also will spiral into this “I’m so stupid, what an idiot I am” dialogue with himself if he messes up something. Usually it’s in relation to small things like forgetting something I asked for from the store or whatever. In terms of how his time blindness and lack of being able to plan much of anything clashing with whatever issue I have with planning making me batty, he just gets frustrated because he doesn’t understand why he can’t be more aware. I’ll explain to him how I’d do something and he’s like ya know, that would have made more sense.

Im not suggesting he’s bipolar because many things can cause this explosive reaction to things, but I don’t know if he just has ADHD. And I don’t know why the Vyvanse is doing next to nothing since he started at 40mg. I’ve not been happy with this psychiatrist he sees since he started seeing her shortly after we met so I’m afraid she is completely missing the whole picture too. He has a hard time articulating his feelings and being self aware of them so that could be part of it too.

Can ASD present this way at all? I’d be interested to see if anyone can relate to his situation. I’m just looking for insight because I think he needs a second opinion.

Discord Link: https://discord.gg/FdD3FrNNd?event=1527424266046275795

Hi,

I’m undiagnosed with something or other, and just wondering what you lovely people think. I obsess over some topic (usually music, arts based, history, true crime) for a few months at a time where I will, if alone, only engage in the content of the current obsession. I’ll say.. watch music videos over and over and just enjoy the music, choreography, whatever. And then I’ll dive into it, make it my entire personality, and then dump the interest after a few months, picking up a new one shortly after. I will, however, casually engage in the topic from time to time after dumping it or even re-obsess years later.

Is this a neurotypical person thing? ADHD? Autism? I know you’re not psychologists but wondering if anyone has similar behaviour!

I have a thalamic glioma, multiple TBI, and PTSD, which has caused sensory and attention problems that are similar to autism and ADHD, plus migraines. My neurologist says I was probably born with the brain tumor, and that it's too deep to be safely removed.

I've tried reaching out to various local support groups, but the local TBI group is focused on physical rehab, and the neurodivergent group told me it's offensive for me to label myself as neurodivergent.

I was told that "neurodivergent" is only for people who don't need a cure, but since my brain has something actually wrong with it, calling myself neurodivergent is the same as saying autistic people are "broken". I was told I need to stop being such a lazy neurotypical and work on myself instead of trying to steal support from people who really need it.

I don't handle stress well, I get overwhelmed, and I can't put words together coherently. Getting yelled at makes my brain start shutting down, so I can't mount a defense, and whoever is yelling at me "wins" the argument. I feel like I need people to slow down when they talk and give me some time to understand what they said, but neurotypicals are always entitled and asking others to change for them, so maybe I'm just being an asshole.

Am I too broken to be considered neurodivergent?

Hi Reddit. I need some help and/or advice on how to approach a difficult conversation with a Neurodiverse colleague. I have posted on page before seeking advice in this area so I'm hoping you all can point me in the right direction again.

I (37 m, neurotypical) supervise a small team of two neurodiverse people. Both have a grab-bag of neurodiverse conditions including autism, adhd, ocd and anxeity/depression. We have implemented a wide variety of accommodations in the workplace to help mitigate their conditions including, but not limited to lighting changes, focused scheduling, person specific communication methods and adjusted benchmarks. Mostly they are able to complete their work without issue.

Recently one of my direct reports has been seeming increasingly unhappy. They are less chatty, more insular and never has anything nice to say to anyone. This last week they have completely shut down and have gone nearly entirely nonverbal. Nobody gets so much as a 'good morning', 'thank you' or 'please' out of them. The oppressive aura given off by this individual has been noted by all who work with or near them.

I need to find a way to broach the subject of their changed attitude and see if there is any more that the company can do to help. If there isn't any more that we can do, what are the recommended next steps.

Any help or advice on how to broach the subject and how much of a hard line I should reasonably expect to take would be much appreciated.

TLDR: direct report neurodivergent colleage has gone non-verbal and the bad vibes are unsettling for everyone else. What do?

So I’m a decently social guy. People know me as a bit of a social butterfly I can relax myself and make myself talk to many people but eventually I feel like I run into a mental block

I’ve never been diagnosed with anything but my family has a pattern of neurodivergence (brother adhd sister autistic + adhd cousins autistic and adhd). I’ve struggled mentally with what seems like none other than adhd, so i’m basically claiming a self diagnosis of adhd. Don’t think it’s worth going into detail about it bc it will stress me out to write out right now.

I feel like despite being seen as social, I don’t feel social what so ever. I am scared to talk to people in fear that the conversation won’t fulfill my standard of what I think is a good conversation. I am becoming terrified of 1 on 1 hangouts because sometimes I feel like I never have the right things to say or don’t know what to input. I recently started a new job with a large group of colleagues close in age to me. While I can be friendly and outgoing when they talk with me it feels like they’re alien to me and i’m alien to them like we can’t speak at the same frequency? like the way they pause in their speech and ask things just doesn’t add up with the way I do and it leaves me feeling very very confused. Especially in this new social setting I feel like there’s something that everyone understands that I don’t? I will try to talk while I’ve don’t nothing wrong it never feels successful. I feel lost in what’s next what’s there left to say? What are they even talking about? I felt similarly throughout high school where I was well known and was liked by many but in hangouts with less familiar groups I always felt like I was missing the narrative a bit and they’d do things that I just didn’t understand and that always made me feel hollow and unamused like their jokes and topics of conversation.

However this confuses heavily as my whole life everyone in my family considers me the social butterfly and like describe me as having strong social skills to get along with anyone and while I do make a lot of friends in unique ways, a lot of the time I feel this sort of way where none of it makes sense. I would also like to mention that for I don’t always feel like this. Many of the people I get along with best I found are usually neurodivergent in some way as well.

Why do i feel like this what is this 😭😭

People always talk about "embracing your special interests" but I know those same people would run for the hills when they see mine.

"Okay? What is it? An obscure band? A TV show? Mummification?!" Nope.

Eternal Joke Towers.

I am dead serious. Out of EVERYTHING I could've been fixated on, my brain chose some stupid, standard-less wiki about impossible Roblox obbies, inhabited by children. It's terrible, I cannot explain it to anyone with ANY media taste, and I want it out of my head.

"It can't be that bad!!" The wiki name is right there then, if you wanna see how bad it is. (I don't recommend it)

I could've gotten into ANYTHING else. Trains, Super Mario, maybe even fursuiting for fuck's sake. Literally anything but this. I don't even want to be truly normal, but at the same time this is TOO weird.

So...can I get it out of my head? Can I start truly hating it like I want (actually no, need) to? I've tried to leave a few times but no luck. I've been with it since 2021 (idek how) to make matters worse.

It feels to me like everyone else is telepathic and I'm not. I've been struggling with depression since i was 15. I'm 32 now. I've never had a girlfriend. I've never been able to hold down a job for longer than 21 months. Even when i do have a job, I don't get paid anywhere near enough to actually move out and be independent.

10 years ago i tried to take my own life. It was a mix of social isolation, sexual frustration and a mistake i made which i still feel terrible about even today. I wanted 3 things; a job i could hold on to that didn't make me utterly miserable, a place of my own and a girlfriend. That was 10 years ago. I've never had any of those things, and i still feel like an outsider. No matter where i go, no matter what I do i feel like a square peg desperately trying to fit into a round hole.

Even when I'm in work, my pay isn't anywhere near enough to live independently. Wages i have had over the last decade: £15,000 per year (2016) £17,000 per year (2017 and 2018) £20,000 per year (2021 and 2022) and £26,000 per year (2024). Seriously, what exactly am i meant to do with that? Live in a tent?

I've been out of work for 18 months now, and having applied for literally thousands of jobs, I've had maybe... Six interviews i think? It feels like I'm just screaming into a void at this point.

And the worst part? I know i shouldn't complain. I've got a roof over my head, food in my stomach and both of my parents. (Although they're 70 now and won't be around forever)

Sorry for dumping my issues on here, i just needed to vent.

It's so annoying, my cousins, friends and even teachers keep pointing out things I do like it's not normal. And they say I'm autistic. They even made me question it, but I don't see why doing things I do is weird or bad.

Like I always wear my headphones because I hate noise and people think I don't want to listen to them

I have a staring problem, like everytime I talk with someone, I look straight in their eyes

I always swing back and forth and when I'm tired, I can't stay still and I walk in circles

I have a hard time to communicate with other people, they always get what I say wrong even tho it sounds completely right in my head

I can't sleep if I dont do the exact same thing in the exact same order before sleeping

I have some kind of habits where I start repeating the same sentence of songs I like again and again

My mom says it's impossible to understand me because I don't react much to anything and I'm quiet so she gets mad at me for not reacting when she yells at me and she yells more

Are those things that people keeps pointing out are weird or signs of neurodivergence? Because I feel like it's normal, I have always been like that, as a kid no one cared but now it's considered weird and it's annoying me that people keeps trying to play the doctor and diagnose me with things I don't have.

I have ADHD, and I think I’ve spent most of my life looking like someone whose difficulties weren’t immediately obvious. For a long time, I didn’t really understand myself either. I couldn’t understand why I could do certain things, but struggled so much with others.
Starting things, getting ready, leaving the house, and arriving on time have always been difficult for me.
Right now, I’m taking vocational training in France, entirely in French. French is genuinely very difficult for me. Just understanding and following the classes takes a huge amount of energy.

When I need to concentrate at home, I use different tools and strategies that help me: noise-cancelling headphones, a timer, printed materials, a pen, and other little things that help me create the right conditions to focus.
But at school or at work, I often have to function without those tools or accommodations. I have to concentrate and perform in the same environment as everyone else, without being able to set things up in the way that helps my brain.
And that can be confusing.

Because sometimes I know I can do something, but doing it still feels incredibly difficult.
Something else I’ve noticed is that the harder things are for me, the more I tend to smile, joke, and talk to people.
French is extremely difficult and exhausting for me. When I feel overwhelmed, talking to people, joking around, and laughing can actually help me feel a little better. Being around people can give me energy.
But because of that, people may not realise how difficult things actually are for me.
I can be struggling and still smile. I can make jokes. I can talk to people. From the outside, I may look completely fine.

But when I get home after class, I often completely crash.
I can be exhausted to the point where I don’t want to do anything at all.
People see me laughing and talking during class, but they don’t see how much energy it took to understand the French, concentrate, communicate, and keep going throughout the day.
Sometimes I get told that I’m being too loud, and I feel ashamed.
I also feel ashamed when I’m late.
But there is something that is difficult for me to explain.
Sometimes being late is actually the result of an effort I made.

Honestly, there are many days when I don’t want to go to class at all. I want to stay home.
But I still get up, get ready, leave the house, and go to class — even if I’m late.
Sometimes, for me, that is already a huge effort.
But from someone else’s perspective, it simply looks like:
“She’s late again.”
I’ve heard things like this throughout my life:
“You’re capable, so why are you always late?”

“You do well, so why are you so insecure?”

“You can do it, so why don’t you just do it?”
And honestly, those questions have always confused me.
I know I can do certain things. Sometimes I do manage to do them.
But I’m starting to understand that being capable of doing something and being able to do it easily are not the same thing.
For people with ADHD, ability and executive functioning don’t always work together.
Recently, I was told off for being late to my vocational training. I understand the criticism. I’m an adult, and punctuality is important in vocational training and in the workplace.
So I know I need to work on it.
But I went home feeling really bad.
Not because I thought the criticism was unfair, but because it brought up the same old question:
“If I can do things, why can’t I even manage this?”
At the same time, I also wonder:
Maybe I’m not simply someone who could do better but chooses not to.

Maybe, sometimes, I am already doing as much as I can with the energy and capacity I have at that moment.
Of course, ideally, I would wake up earlier, get ready faster, arrive on time, and be quieter during class.
But sometimes, not skipping class and showing up late is genuinely the best I can manage that day.
I often wonder whether I’m lazy, lacking willpower, or whether this really is an ADHD-related difficulty with executive functioning.

I’m still trying to understand myself.

You can be capable and still struggle.
You can be sociable and still be exhausted.
You can laugh and joke while struggling, and the people around you may never realise how difficult things actually are.
You can look fine during class and completely crash when you get home.
I’m only beginning to understand these things about myself.
Do other adults with ADHD experience something similar?
Especially the feeling of “I know I can do this, but actually starting and executing it feels impossibly difficult.”

Hi so i’m looking to trying to make my life a bit better, and ive stumbled upon an idea that maybe i could be neurodivergent? I am NOT asking for a diagnosis here, just personal experience and suggestions lol!

i’m in deep shit bro. like my life feels like it’s OVER! and i’ve heard that anxiety and depression can mimic neurodivergent symptoms, so im a bit lost? the only think that isn’t linked to my issues, and it giving false neurodivergent symptoms are the fact that i stim a LOT.

i do the basic rocking back and forth, and day dreaming, and pacing however im just wondering how do decipher between the mimicking of symptoms vs actual symptoms. so lmk!

So about a year and a half ago a friend of mine who's on the spectrum said that she assumed I was probably autistic, and it gave me such a strange feeling. A mix of confusion, and yet perhaps validation for how weird and mentally ill I've felt my whole life? I started doing more research, and it felt like I was resonating with a lot of it. It started to feel like maybe this could be why I always felt so different.

The problem is, I don't really have access to getting diagnosed right now, and I feel like there's also a lot of reason for me to have doubt. And I know that my obsession over it is connected to my OCD. And I know OCD is generally considered to be neurodivergent, but for whatever reason it feels like I can't really accept myself as neurodivergent with just that.

Despite the the fact that I have other neurodivergents in my family, most of my friends have always been neurodivergent, I have some sensory issue etc, I never feel like I can accept that it's a possibility for me unless I have a diagnosis. Which perhaps is fair, but now I'm just stuck in this limbo where it feels like my brain can't neatly categorize this like it wants to. It'll think about how hey you seem to get really fixated on certain topics, thinking about it all day, or how I tend to socialize better with other neurodivergents. But then I'll remind myself that actually my sensory issues don't seem nearly as bad as other people's, and I can make decent small talk these days and sometimes even enjoy having short conversations with customers at my job.

My stupid brain just won't settle! I'm almost JEALOUS of those neurotypicals that can go "Oh yeah I'm a little autistic" with little proof because AT LEAST THEN THEY DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. My brain is just constantly taking me for a ride on things, positive or negative, and it becomes exhausting.

I guess idk what I'm asking for, I just want to find acceptance in myself that yeah there's good reason to assume I might be ND, but when I actually try to do that I just think of all the reasons why I'm neurotypical. How did you all find some peace on this before a diagnosis? Maybe I just can't accept that I might actually be a bit different or what that even means idk.

hey, I’m undiagnosed but I’ve been told by a few professionals that I’m likely neurodivergent, and i agree. however, I have a very firm boundary when it comes to self diagnosing - I think it’s perfectly fine, esepically since it can lead to a diagnosis down the road, etc. however, I don’t like when people self diagnose and *claim* to have the condition

for example, I think I have ADHD. Until I get a professional diagnosis, I will only say that I strongly believe, or that I *think* I have it - youll never hear me make the outright *claim* that I have it. However, one of my friends disagrees. He thinks he has ADHD, and recently tried to get a diagnosis, and was told he doesn’t have it. But even before the diagnosis and everything, he would go around telling people he *had* ADHD. He also told me that his entire family has it - except none of them have been diagnosed. I just feel like until anyone receives a diagnosis, it’s best practice to say “I think I have ____” when I mentioned my feelings on this, he got upset, despite my intentions not meaning to do so

Is it too dramatic for me to care so much, especially since I’m not officially part of this community in a way, seeing as I don’t have an official diagnosis? I’d love to hear your opinions :)

Currently, I am on the journey to figure out what kind of neurodiversity traits I might possibly have ranging from OCD to Autism to ADD. I really am just trying to figure out what cards I was dealt in life so I can see what I am working with. I've been told by people in the health industry that I have PTSD, OCD, very mild ADHD, and Bipolar 2 over my lifetime. What is true for me is that I have always struggled with crippling social anxiety.

I found an examiner, who from first glance, seems to be knowledgeable about these diagnosis. However, after meeting with him, I have some doubts I would like others opinions on.

Essentially, when it came to the topic of if I would let the examiner give a questionnaire to my husband to fill out about me, I told him I was hesitant based on what my husband has historically said. Specifically, when I brought up the possibility I might have ASD, my husband said that diagnosis was too broad and makes the autism diagnosis lose its meaning (I'm guessing he means autism as he historically has understood it). The examiner then said he agreed and told me that Autism was 'overdiagnosed' and people ignore what the book says (he pointed to the DSM-5). He then said he would bet money he could find someone to diagnose him with ADHD based on a few symptoms. He also shared how he didn't give an ASD diagnosis to a lady who got mad at him for that. This examiner is in his 70's I think so it's possible he may be hanging on to outdated standards? To be completely honest, the examiner was giving me bad vibes, but I think that may be due to the fact I have a harder time opening up with men in general.

The whole situation struck me as concerning based on what I have come to understand about ASD and its growing and evolving definition (I liken it to how the LGBTQA+ community has evolved over the years). I kinda left feeling depressed/hopeless. I think the reason is I just want to be understood and taken seriously and don't want to be in the middle of the professional fight of what is or isn't Autism or ADHD or etc. It almost feels like from what he is saying, I can be diagnosed with anything as long as I find the right person.

Does anyone have any insight if this is a red flag that I should avoid this examiner?

I'm mid 20s and AuDHD, I only have 1 friend now, we have been dating somewhat. I get bullied a lot in general. We have some distance between us and when I had moved closer to him he didn't support me much, he wanted to leave me for another girl who was somewhat popular.

I quit my job and moved back to my family and it's been very bad. I have another job now and it's stressful.

He's popular and social, he has ADHD only. He doesn't like my autistic traits and he pressures me to mask to fit in with peers. His guy friends came back from college the last month and we haven't talked since. The last 2 times he initiated texting me and now I guess I have to initiate. We message and have catch up discussions but he leaves me on read later, we don't talk for a while most of the time. I'm bored and wish we could talk more often. At one point we were texting frequently but it stopped. I feel like he takes me for granted cause I've always been loyal and available.

I'm feeling a bit egotistical and I don't want to text him now but we may lose touch. I've known him for about 4 years. I have no one else and I live with crappy parents who don't like me. I don't like "just find other people advice" cause it's just not possible due to poor social skills. I have stressed him a lot talking about my trauma while I guess in this life each one is on their own and people don't like others who over-vent. I'm very quiet and timid and people treat me like a pushover, I had a therapist introduce me to ND people and I was pushed around. This happens to me a lot in life generally. I'm scared he will find some other girl again and now that I'm away physically he will just go for it. I'm stuck here with my parents and idk how much he cares. He had told me to visit his area and he can host me in his apartment but now I guess he won't want it cause he chills with his friends there. I hate feeling like I have limited options in socialization, it feels caging and idk how to stop being walked all over.