I don’t clean. I don’t cook. I don’t work. I don’t drive. I don’t go to the gym. I don’t have friends. Someone please tell me I’m NOT a loser. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can continue living like this. This illness has infiltrated almost every aspect of my life and I just don’t know if I can go on. Does anyone else feel like well…a loser?

This last week I've been taking the wrong dose. I have taken the right dose for half a year and suddenly. I don't know what happened but I missed one pill everyday. I have Serious anger. Explosive anger. Today. Just now. I broke one of the most pretty and valuable things in my home. My mom is gonna be so pissed if she finds out. I don't know what to do anymore

30s, female.

I always lied in answer to questions about voices and hallucinations because I've been so scared of what might happen. I grew up in dysfunctional abusive homes, started hallucinating as teenager but my mother used to say I couldn't be independent and I was afraid I'd be her prisoner forever if they knew.

I kind of hid for a decade, hid nonfunctioning in marriages, stayed in bad relationships because I couldn't do alone, or lived in employee housing, housing where they covered things I can't do. Can't keep a home or job, lose jobs, lose homes. Did more school than people think I can with this functioning so I hide - I talk about my school to hide it, and blame weird things on autism. Autism, PTSD, OCD, I let explain everything, to myself too.

I believed if I was diagnosed with psychosis they could not let me leave the room, I've been in outpatient centers where people do terrible, terrible things, and nobody believes, because everyone says 'they're not supposed to be there,' and if they're paranoid, why would anyone believe? Mocked by nurses, naked wet and crying, blindly trying to find glasses. Told if I got too upset it was a sign I wasn't well and couldn't leave. A bad partner exploited this, made me think I'd be taken if neighbors heard me screaming.

Slowly got out of bad thinking, slowly got a lot better. Was diagnosed bipolar a long time ago but mania doesn't seem like me. I hallucinate very calm. I'm happy but always very calm. Last psychiatrist insisted I be seen for something schizoaffective but I don't think I match.

I was 16 when I started hallucinating, I'm 34 now. Doesn't seem like I'd get away with it this long. Rarely visual (I don't visualize pictures in my head and I think that's why); most vivid as teenager very bad insomnia, saw my dead cousin. Everyone said my level of insomnia wasn't possible that I'd be dead, so never. No doctors. Grew up without doctors. Don't know how to talk to them. Audio. But happy. I like them. They're nice. One of them she has been with me the whole time, she's a woman, sounds like she laughs, I hear her smiling. She's with me when I'm in very bad pain. I don't want to lose her. The others, angels, they sound like ribbons of color, whispers. They don't talk to me, to each other. I don't know if they know I'm here. I like them.

But I go into cycles, episodes, where I feel like I'm swimming. I see my body, everything around is gone. I lose time, days, weeks. In kitchen out suddenly walking across town. I like to walk, my body knows its habits. I know The Woman voice from lost time, first time I remember hearing her I knew her already, like you know from a childhood, knew who she was, so I think she's with me in lost time. I lose words. Used to be considered very good with words. Genius with words, lots of praise, public speaking beautiful. Not bragging. Comparing. Lost a lot. Sometimes worse. Non-swimming cycles I can act, I might sound rambling, I lose coherence, but, I blame autism. Swimming it's too obvious I have to hide, don't see people, weeks.

But I think if I had schizophrenia it would be worse? Hallucinations would increase, other things would be worse. Threads are with me all the time not just in swim sessions, threads of voices. The world became beautiful a few years ago. At first glimmers, moments, then maybe hours, then one day, boom. All the time. Everything draped in velvet, deep colors, trees are tall and wise. I get smaller and bigger. They were always that way, now I can see them though.

I can call something religion and get away with it, I noticed that too. It's not polite to call people out on religion.

Maybe neurological. My bad partner hurt me in scary ways. Body had blunt trauma to spine. It was here long before him, but has been worse.

I stopped all alcohol, weed. To be clear. Regulated mood, trauma, calm all the time, was always calm but now can't be emotioned. It's nice. But flat being. A flat being. Sometimes I believe I died one of the times I tried to and I'm a ghost. I'm not unhappy. But trying to be honest with doctors, keep myself alive. But it's scary, on one hand, what will they do? But on other hand, I don't think I'm bad enough to have that kind of disorder, but don't know where I fit.

Was anyone else like that? What else other explanations are there? Or are there other schizophrenias?

Edit mods: I was removed from crossposting in schizophrenia for diagnosis-seeking but I'm not, my title says I was already referred and my last question is who else is like me and what other similar are out there, which is not a diagnosis, but what exists, separate from me. Please do not remove I am very scared and alone and it is comforting to be here. Thank you.

I (24f) just officially lost my friendship with my best friend of 12 years. I had to cut her off because she was extremely toxic and selfish, and she sent me a message the other day trying to turn it around and victimize herself. I have close to no friends and I have no idea of how to even make any, especially with the area I live in, and how now I’m bedridden most of the time without a job or anything because of how sick I’ve gotten. I’m gonna see my psychiatrist again soon and I know we’re supposed to be upping my dosage and probably titrating me off of one med, and then he mentioned something about short term ketamine idk. I need friends or something or just more than this. Luckily right now the hallucinations aren’t as bad, but my episodes are terrible. My dad and my bf are my caregivers right now and I still just feel hopeless. I hope everyone here is doing okay or at least trying. It’s nice to know I have a community somewhat. <3

When I become unwell I obsess in my mind trying to understand confidence, power and hierarchies

I hyper analyse all words and try see the power structure and intent behind those words

Recently I've been seeing so much more clarity but even the fact I think these things mean one thing, the illness is working

Does anyone else obsess over some version of power?

I have severe PTSD from what they did to me and it's treated like a joke. I hate how normalized it is especially on these subs. Too excited? Hospital. Suicidal thoughts? Hospital. Forced Drugging? Yeah you earned it. Forced ECT? Yeah you deserve that too.

Many of us are so self-hating we just go along with it. Anyway even if I'm depressed or in a mixed state I decided to stop hating myself and thinking I deserve the most horrible things but my fellow sufferers make me both sad and nervous. You'd probably like me locked up for just speaking out against my abuse but oh well.

You can support meds and treatment without hating yourself or people like me.

Has anyone heard if Genesight testing? It determines what meds you’re compatible with and if your current meds are working. I think it’s worth a try. Has anyone had this done?

In the last few months I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Even before that I felt like a shell or husk of a human, like someone was pumping emotions and personality into a tire but there was a leak. I feel sadness and anger for days sometimes, but my happiness and whimsy of life only last a few minutes to a few hours. I'm taking my meds but I can't tell if they are working, I don't get hallucinations or crazy thoughts as much and I can tell that things are real but I don't know how I feel about any particular thing. My friends and I will have a moment that I know I should remember and mark as a good memory but it fades so fast that I'm worried I am not human anymore. Does anyone else feel like this and what am I supposed to do?

Hey y'all so I got a really weird story. I used to be a caffeine addict but when I decided to forgo caffeine almost completely I randomly started hearing voices but the weird thing is that my family doesn't have a history of this at all. It was really weird too cause it felt like I had multiple people Inside my head but it felt like people were actually right next to me talking at home and at work. I did drink a lot of caffeine so I'm not sure if my brain was just readjusting to not drinking so much caffeine but If y'all heard me talking to myself when the auditory hallucinations were happening the religious among you might think I was possessed or something. I did go to a behavioral hospital to get this looked at and was diagnosed as a siczopfoam but I strongly believe I was mis diagnosed cause the voices are gone now even though I was hearing them for 2 months. Can anyone explain why Id be going through auditory hallucinations due to caffeine withdrawal when my family doesn't have this in their history?

I was diagnosed with scizoaffective at 18, though I had been having hallucinations since 15, im now 26, I had a stroke 5 years ago and havent had any hallucinations since, I dont know if the stroke had anything to do with it, but in all honesty I miss my hallucinations, they became a constant in my life and without them I feel lost, I would do anything at this point to have my hallucinations back, I aso have BPD, I just need advice or to know im not alone

Hi everyone,

I’m a 33-year-old looking for advice regarding nursing home placement for severe mental illness.

For context, I live in Tennessee and receive SSDI, Medicare, and Medicaid (TennCare). I’ve experienced 4 severe psychotic episodes since 2018, all of which required heavy police intervention and emergency support. When I’m not in an active psychotic episode, I’m dealing with extreme depression and severe physical/mental exhaustion, making day-to-day living really difficult to manage on my own.

Does anyone know if schizoaffective disorder qualifies someone for a nursing home? If you’ve gone through this process (especially in TN or with dual Medicare/Medicaid), what steps did you have to take to get approved?

Any insight, tips, or experiences would be greatly appreciated. I apologize in advance if I don't respond right away or at all—I am really, really tired all of the time. Thanks.

Has anyone taken ayahuasca or other psychedelics while on COBENFY (xanomeline/trospium)? Did you wait 6 months for serotonin receptors to “recover”?

Hi everyone,

I’m curious if anyone here has experience taking ayahuasca, psilocybin, LSD, DMT, or other psychedelics while taking COBENFY (xanomeline + trospium).

Since COBENFY is different from many antipsychotics and doesn’t directly block dopamine D2 or serotonin 5-HT2A receptors in the same way, I’m wondering:

Did the psychedelic still have its full effect?

Did you notice the experience was weaker, stronger, or about the same?

If you had previously been on antipsychotics that block 5-HT2A receptors (like olanzapine, quetiapine, risperidone, etc.), how long did it take before psychedelics felt normal again?

I’m not looking for medical advice, just personal experiences and timelines from people who have actually been through this.

I was just diagnosed schizoaffective disorder bipolar type and I am having a hard time with it emotionally. I am wondering if you all have advice?

I was diagnosed bipolar 2 and am on lamitical - it didnt feel like a perfect diagnosis for me (due to hallunications/delusions/etc), but I felt very stable and confident in my stability.

This new diagnosis has me SHOOK. I feel scared, lost, sad and lonely (despite having a truly incredible support system).

Any tips on navigating these emotions?

I recently had fast thoughts. I upped my antipsychotics and it took a few days but I settled.

After another week I tried reducing slightly my antipsychotics

I started to feel sad and a sense of dread. I upped my antipsychotics again.

I have no more sick days and very few annual leave for the year.

I just feel so miserable, burnt out and unwell. And this underlying sense of dying.

It's tough because I have to turn up for work but I'm barely hanging in there

Hey everyone! I used to live-action roleplay and write stories, but I feel unable to do either. I had a mental break 6 months ago(hospitalized for 10 days) and I'm currently on Vraylar, wellbutrin and trazodone. I won't stop taking my meds but I feel like they're the reason I can no longer enjoy these things even though that may not be correct. I've heard that your brain has to recover from the damage the Break may have caused.

My question is if you enjoyed these things at one time(or something similar), were you able to do them again on the meds your provider prescribed?

How long after a mental break did it take for the desire to come back?

I am open to DMs if you don't want to comment here.

TIA!

So im bipolar subtype and its just never felt right. The primary thing is the mood aspect of it, i just dont feel like i meet the criteria for hypomanic/manic episodes. My mood feels more volatile than that. Ill go from feeling in top of the world to crippling depression in a matter of hours not days. Sometimes ill just cycle through multiple times in the same day. I dont really know sometimes things just put me in an unnaturally good mood and sometimes that lasts a day but i cant say that it lasts for the days required to be a form of manic episodes. Ive tried bring it up to my psych a little, but she just says she is treating the symptoms and the diagnosis doesnt matter. Which i get, and i cant deny lithium does help me a lot but i just want to know whats wrong with me and bipolar subtype just doesnt feel right. Idk what im looking for with this post, half a vent half looking for advice

I'm just curious if other people out there with schizoaffective have relapsed while on medication I'm on lithium latuda and Seroquel and everyone's telling me I'm manic and not acting myself hallucinations never went away with latuda either I have an appointment with psychiatrist tomorrow but Im scared to go because he'll notice because I can't sit still. I'm scared he will admit me to hosptial again

Thank you

Hey all! Hope everyone is managing and having a good Tuesday.

For my SZA journey it's pretty typical. I was hospitalized once in 2021 following my first manic episode. I took meds for a few months, did therapy, thought I felt "better," so I stopped. About a year and a half later I had a much worse episode. I was involuntarily admitted (I had threatened and attempted to begone myself).

My life on paper completely changed after that second time. I got accepted into my master's program, I got engaged, next month I'm getting married and within 2 months I'll be moving to the west coast with my husband! All good things, great things even, but there's a tiny part of me that feels like I don't deserve it, or that I haven't "earned," that life yet. I often struggle to separate my mental illness from myself.

I have memories that resurface from my hospitalizations and it makes me feel terrible. The things that I said and did... I know I wasn't in my right mind, but I still feel embarrassed about it all. I'm trying to learn how to live in the goodness without fear. Fear of relapsing, fear of not being good enough, even fears about having kids. If anybody has any good advice or has been in this same boat, I'd be glad to hear it!

What are your experiences with cognitive decline after the onset of the illness?
I mean, I can feel it, but on the other hand, I kind of don't. My last psychosis was almost two years ago. During it, or shortly after, I definitely felt like a door was left wide open in my head. A lot of it also has to do with a lack of motivation. Reading and learning math are generally working okay (I mean, how am I supposed to know how well it would work if I were "smarter"?).
My main issue is that I just don't have the stamina in terms of actually feeling like doing these things. Especially because of an extreme media addiction I used to numb my emotions. I'm addressing that right now, and I can really feel how much good it's doing me that I deleted most of my social media two weeks ago.
I'm less anxious, more balanced, and getting my news from reputable newspapers feels so much better, you just actually feel informed, without all those negative, hateful, and conflict driven comments. Instead of consuming things in 5 to 10 second intervals, I now engage with content for 3 to 15 minutes at a time, and that already makes a huge difference. I just feel so much better.
I still struggle a lot with finding the motivation to read actual books. Overall, I do notice that I feel a bit "dumber," but I think my main problem is really just motivation and routine.
We might not be the fastest runners anymore, but I believe we can still run well again if we practice.

sending support to anyone in the same boat..may God have mercy on us in our journeys and on our ability to rest

Said they'd see how I am in a week and take it from there. Apparently I've tried pretty much every drug so they want to increase the lithium and see if that helps...

Guess I'll just have to accept I won't find that miracle drug that makes me completely stable. Don't know if I believed in it, but I had hoped. This is as stable as it's going to get I guess:/

hey guys just putting an online thing for accountability. 4:15pm 7/20/2026 i smoked weed from my ruby twist vaporizer. never again. i was already supposed to stop but i thought 2 small hits would be ok. it is not. i will update after i come down