In Search Of (ISO) Thread

Salam everyone,

I am about to have my Valima in 2 weeks or so and my husband just told me he has a viral disease that could pass onto me. I 100% want to end it now but idk what to do. Weve already booked everything. I cannot face any of my friends or family about this. I’ve always had anxiety towards him and getting married but I always thought it was bc of nerves and stuff.

Please tell me any duas or anything I can read to help me through this situation.

JazakAllah Khair

Salam, I (23) am the only son of my mother (47). She got divorced 4 years ago. I’d say both my parents are narcissistic and I was brought up in a very traumatic environment. My mother is a good muslim but she had her own issues in marriage due to which they separated. She never accepts her mistakes tho which gets difficult for me sometimes but I have made peace with it

Issue is, I want my future wife to stay happy with me and I don’t want to leave my mother alone too. We have a big house, I earn good too but I don’t want to leave her and start my family without being my mom in my life. (I don’t know if you call this being a “mama’s boy” but I don’t want her to live alone after she spent 25 years of her youth on building my future 🙏

How can I navigate this and still give my future wife the happiness she deserves and make her my queen too🙏❤️

I have a question for a subset of men who are married or are planning to marry.

Those of you who have fathers who have been verbally and emotionally abusive towards your mother. Specifically, cases where the mother has refused to divorce or even separate because of social reasons, financial dependence, and also years of toxic co-dependence between the spouses despite decades of abuse.

How have you dealt with this?

Specifically, how have you addressed your mother's emotional needs, and the feeling of abandonment that a lot of women in such situations feel when their sons get married?

How have you prevented the shadow of abuse from darkening your own marriage?

Have you experienced emotional jealousy from your mother (not because she's evil, but this is how life has unfortunately made her because of the lack of a loving and supportive husband)?

How have you dealt with being pulled between the emotional needs of your mother and your wife? Explaining to your mother that being married and providing love and emotional fulfilment to your wife does not mean you have abandoned your mother.

I'm posing this question to married, divorced, and single brothers, because even if you aren't currently married, you may have insights as the sons of such parents.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu,

I hope that whoever is reading this is doing well inshaAllah; I am reaching out in desperation because I am seeking guidance regarding my current situation as a revert to Islam and marriage, and I would really appreciate any advice.

I recently just made a post asking fellow Muslims about finding an imam to help me learn more about the Quran and Hadiths, explaining my current situation: four years ago, I accepted Islam, and I have been trying to learn and grow more in my faith and religion. I come from a family that mainly practices Christianity, with some Jewish family members who have also played a vital role in my life. (I want to clarify that my parents are Jehovah's Witnesses.) I do not have a lot of support at home from my parents or from other family members, and I do not have any male Muslim family members who could serve as my wali.

I am here to seek guidance on how I could find a wali. I am also starting to think about marriage in the future, likely within the next year from now, and I have a potential prospect; I'd like to approach this matter correctly according to Islam. And since I don't have any Muslim family members to help me at all, I wanted to ask what the appropriate steps would be and if anybody can help me in the near future find a wali.

I would be extremely grateful for any help, if given inshaAllah.

JazakAllahu khair! Thank you so much for your time, patience, and guidance.

P.S. - Alhamdulillah, I have already conducted a thorough background check on my prospective client. Asking him important questions regarding his deen, level of religiosity, getting to know more about his character, goals in life, his values, and also long-term compatibility (note: we agree on basically everything). I am ensuring I proceed correctly by involving a wali and following the proper steps moving forward. However, it's very difficult in the situation I am in because I am being actively oppressed by my family for practicing Islam (I am not even permitted to go to the masjid).

I am a 23f got into kinda of an arranged marriage with my husband 25m we got set up through our parents and then we talked for a bit and got engaged.

During the enagment which was 1 year it was really good, he felt real and had all the traits I was looking for in a man he went out of a few times and talked everyday he was really funny and nice.

We got married 3 months ago and it's going good but he hasn't told me he loves me yet. Idk if he like does or doesnt or what. he takes care of me, kisses me before going out, he is really nice and respectful even when we argue or fight he never disrespects me.

I love him but I want him to say it first I thought married couples say I love you to each other everyday and he hasn't even said it once.

Also during intimacy I be craving him to say it and I was really close to saying it myself first but I stopped.

I asked him once why he married me hoping that he would say cause he loves me but he said a lot of other stuff that are good but not what I wanted to hear.

Idk I am lost and so frustrated, I would be fine if he just didn't show his feelings but the problem is he really does he calls me pet names and kisses and touches me a lot but why doesn't he say that I was expecting him to even say it before the marriage.

Idk what to do with him I am so fed up.

I got married at 22, and my husband was 23. It was somewhat of a love marriage—he had liked me for a while and approached things in a respectful, halal way. In the beginning, I shared a great bond with both of his parents. As a couple, we were quite private after moving to the U.S., but that changed when I had to bring up an issue that was affecting me—his possessiveness and jealousy whenever I had to interact with other men, even unintentionally.
It was a valid concern, and eventually the matter reached our mothers. His mother, whom I was close to and considered wise, explained things to him, and the situation improved. Early in the marriage, I also shared some concerns with my own mother about not liking certain things about him. But as I matured, I made a conscious decision to stop involving others out of respect for our marriage and for each other.
Unfortunately, that first time we involved our parents opened a door that never really closed. My husband began making it a habit—whenever we had a disagreement that escalated, he would call either his mother or mine. Often, he would later realize his mistake, apologize, and promise not to involve them again. But in moments of frustration, he would repeat the same behavior. Over time, our private issues were repeatedly exposed, and our dignity as a couple started to erode.
I stopped involving others completely, no matter how difficult it was. But he didn’t. At times, he even threatened to call them during arguments. His mother excuses this behavior by saying he is young and immature, but I don’t believe this is just about age. It feels like a deeper issue—an inability to handle conflict with maturity or to protect the sanctity of our relationship.
What has hurt me the most is that he has shared my private confidences with his mother in moments of anger. That has caused serious trust issues for me. Recently, during another argument, he again involved both our mothers. This time, even they could see that he was unnecessarily prolonging small conflicts instead of handling them maturely.
In one instance, when I was feeling low and didn’t do the dishes just once, instead of communicating with me, he gave me the silent treatment and then video-called his mother to show her that I hadn’t done them. She then called my mother, criticizing me and even bringing up unrelated past issues to deflect from her son’s behavior.
Eventually, my husband apologized, and we moved past the situation. But something in me has changed. I used to speak to my mother-in-law every week or two for hours, and we shared a close bond. Now, I feel deeply hurt. It feels like my flaws are highlighted while his are protected, and I can’t ignore that.
I haven’t called her in a month. She has been sending indirect, cryptic messages in the family WhatsApp group, clearly upset. My husband and my mother both say that I should call her, that not doing so will make things worse. But for me, this has become a matter of self-respect.
I feel like I’ve reached my limit. I cannot continue to engage in a relationship where I feel constantly exposed, criticized, and disrespected, and then be expected to act as if everything is fine. I cannot pretend. I need space and boundaries.
What I struggle with is that no one seems to understand this. They see my silence as stubbornness, but to me, it is self-preservation.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Hello, this is hard for me to write. Especially because we got engaged a week ago which makes me feel stupid and naive.

The man in engaged to us 31M and I’m 22F, he is not only older but more mature. He clearly really wants me and soo far has been sweet and accepting of a lot of things I said. But to make it clear I have made it clear to my family how hesitant I am about this engagement and I have only been met with screaming and crying and being called crazy and not a normal person (because my parents are divorced so they think that all my reactions and needs are wants are because of my childhood trauma) to make it clear this has been mainly from my mother 40 something F and my aunt and younger sister.

They call my wants childish and delusional, from wanting to wait to have kids, to migrating and being an over all open minded person about a lot of social issues and people.

I have tried to underhandedly and cleverly ask my finance about these issues and it does not seem like he has the same priorities or morals as me, despite him being an incredibly nice person (like I honestly can’t think of a reason to leave him except us not harmonizing and fitting together, and the constant physical pain I feel Everytime I think about this engagement and over all I can not provide him with the attention and love he very obviously expects). And he also is not educated or has a degree and I feel like for my own life goals I require someone who has a degree (which I’ve been made to feel like is a stupid ask).

It had gotten to a point where he himself asked me if I even want him, which I then confirmed I did BECAUSE my mother had screamed and cried and said things like “your breaking my happiness and dishonoring the family”. Which now makes me feel twice as bad because he asked again and I said yes! I just feel so incredibly drained and like I’m not meant to have a relationship I want.

Something to note is that I have been engaged before for two weeks and have left him immediately the second I felt we were not for each other but I’m soo terrified now that people will talk about how I left two engagements already. And not to mention my mother’s disappointment in me.

And from being constantly told “what makes you think that someone good will come afterwards?””now is the best age to get married” “if you decide to wait there is no guarantee anyone would want you” and anything along those lines has made me feel incredibly anxious and like if I leave this man I’ll never have someone as good or understanding as him. I feel anxious and have now low self esteem and confidence. And incredibly scared of what people will think

PS. When he asked for my hand, after we sat together I asked for a week to think about it but my family kinda of pressured me into giving an answer now and then. (The women in my family) and so far it’s been five days and he has been expecting me to open up about everything to him when I barely know him and it feels he is rushing it

Please give me advice and what you think…. I honestly feel like an evil person who does not deserve happiness because of how my family has been treating me and talking to me

Hello! Me (25) and my husband (25) have been together for about 7 years and we have a 5 year old daughter together. A couple years ago I began exploring Islam and I took my shahada last year. My husband is agnostic and very supportive of Islam and is always buying me hijabs and prayer mats and buys halal meats and basically supports me wholeheartedly. He’s even gotten into arguments with his family who aren’t very supportive of it since they’re all Catholics. I try to be understanding since I was also catholic growing up and then I was a Jehovah’s Witness in my teenage years with my dad. My daughter is being raised mostly neutrally, but of course she’ll sometimes try praying next to me and things like that where she just copies me and my husband just sees it and smiles. Here’s my issue, I was reading the Quran and it said that a Muslim woman cannot marry a non Muslim man and that there’s a 4 month waiting period before divorcing. We are very happy together and have a whole family together. However, I feel helpless knowing this sometimes and all I can do is make dua for him to revert and get him more involved. What do I do? Please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Came across this in a book I've been currently reading, and thought I'd share!

Alsalamu-alaykum everyone, I wanted to ask if it’s halal to commit to someone at an early age before engagement. If both parties are serious about eachother and willing to both commit, families know about eachother, but no exclusive step is taken yet and no other islamic boundaries are being crossed and both have the same true intention which is marriage but for what ever reason cannot do that at the moment. I tried looking for fatwas but not all of them are clear. Also if theres any proof for this i’d be very thankful🙏

Just to be clear it’s not “boyfriend and girlfriend” and not treating eachother as husband and wife. It’s understood that people who are not married to eachother remain non-mahrams. All the islamic boundaries are being set. It’s just two people wanting eachother. This question could also be altered into “Is it permissible to make a promise to marry each other while waiting until you’re able to marry?”

This is what we sent to an imam at our mosque and are waiting for a response. Just wanted to see what the Reddit community here would suggest given our situation?

We recently found out that my wife is approximately 4 weeks pregnant with our third child. Due to our circumstances, we are considering whether abortion would be Islamically permissible, and we wanted to seek your guidance before making any decisions.

Our situation is as follows:

1. Our eldest daughter has autism and requires a very high level of care and attention. As she has gotten older, her behaviours have become increasingly challenging. She has become physically aggressive towards others, including my grandmother and our 1.5-year-old son, and has also begun engaging in self-harming behaviours. She is minimally verbal and will likely require lifelong care. We are working with professionals to support her, but it has been very demanding on our family.
   
2. We both work full-time and rely on my mother to care for our children while we are at work. As she is getting older, she is finding it increasingly difficult to keep up with the children. We are already struggling to balance work, parenting, and meeting our daughter’s extensive needs, and we are concerned about how we would manage another child.
   
3. This pregnancy was unplanned. My wife’s gynecologist had previously advised her that if she were to require another C-section, it could be high risk because her uterine tissue is very thin. She previously had one emergency C-section with our daughter and one planned C-section with our son.
   
4. My wife’s mental health has also been significantly affected. Caring for our daughter has been emotionally and physically demanding, and she experienced postpartum depression after the birth of our previous child. Although she was not formally diagnosed, she struggled greatly during that period. She is deeply concerned that she does not have the physical or emotional capacity to manage another pregnancy and child while continuing to care for our existing children. I, too, feel physically and emotionally exhausted trying to support my wife and raise our family.

Given these circumstances, would abortion at this early stage of pregnancy be Islamically permissible according to the Hanafi school? We have read that there are differing opinions before ensoulment, but we wanted to seek your guidance before making any decisions. Our sincere intention is to do what is most pleasing to Allah, and we would greatly appreciate your advice.

As-salamu alaykom brothers and sisters

I just wanna share a tool that i have been using with my wife to communicate properly. It's a journal app that only me and her sees. We use it to communicate appreciation. Open up to things. And a way to communicate without having to rush answers. It gives us time to think, analyse and be more empathetic. Hope it helps some of you out there❤️

The app name is Waffle

My wife and I have been married for 13 years. We met in medical school, graduated together, and got married shortly afterward. Looking back, we've spent most of our marriage fighting over major life decisions rather than building a life together.

We knew each other in medical school, had an on-and-off thing for about 3-4 years, finally decided to make it permanent in final year. Our families met, agreed and told us it was our decision. We then together made the decision to get married.

The first disagreement happened before we were even married. I and my family had wanted me to complete my house job before getting married because they thought it would be important for my medical career. My wife and her family wanted us to get married immediately and didn't think either of us should pursue clinical medicine.

Both my family and my wifes family have lived abroad for decades (different countries) and we met each other when we both came back to our home country for medical school. My family also had a private business at that time.

Her family had wanted us to mover overseas immediately after marriage. After months of arguments, I gave in, skipped my house job, and agreed to join my family's business after we got married, despite it having nothing to do with medicine.

Right after our honeymoon, my father-in-law was diagnosed with a terminal illness. My wife understandably spent several months with her family while I returned home to work in the family business. During that time we argued constantly because she felt I wasn't emotionally supportive enough. Looking back, I probably could have handled some things better, but I also felt that nothing I did was enough.

When she eventually came back after a few months with her family, there was constant tension between her and my family. Small disagreements would become big arguments. I started feeling caught between the people I loved, so I made the decision to leave my family's business, return to my home country, and restart my medical career.

That decision led to another major disagreement. I wanted to resume medicine, while she wanted us both to pursue master's degrees abroad instead. Eventually we applied to universities in Australia and the UK. We were accepted into both, but after her Australian student visa was refused, we moved to the UK.

The two years we spent there were financially difficult. I worked part-time while studying to help pay for our rent and my tuition, with occasional help from my parents. Her family paid her tuition and gave her a monthly allowance. We fought about money constantly. She wanted us to enjoy our time abroad by travelling and doing things like going to concerts and what not. I also wanted to but I also felt financially strained and my POV was that we are here to do our masters lets focus on that and then once we wre done and working here we can do all of that. Neither of us felt understood.

After graduating, neither of us managed to find jobs before our visas expired, so we returned home. If I'm being honest, by that point I was mentally exhausted and probably wasn't putting my full effort into staying abroad because I just wanted stability again.

She later returned abroad to spend time with her family while I stayed behind looking for work. About six months later I found a job, and she eventually joined me again.

Unfortunately, by then years of resentment had built up. Every disagreement turned into a replay of the previous years. We'd argue about something small, then end up bringing up everything we'd ever done to hurt each other. At one point the situation became so bad that both of our families became involved and we separated for a few weeks before deciding to give the marriage another chance.

That was six years ago.

Some things genuinely improved. We stopped having explosive fights as often, and I tried to build the kind of life she wanted. We travelled abroad almost every year, lived comfortably, and I tried to give us experiences we could enjoy together.

But one issue never disappeared: she has always wanted to settle abroad, while every attempt we've made has either failed or ended in disagreement. Ironically, when I wanted to apply for Canadian immigration because I have family there, she didn't want to because she didn't want to live near my relatives. Now she often blames me for us not moving abroad at all. From my perspective, that's one of many examples where we remember the past very differently.

Professionally, things have also been difficult. She worked at the same organization as me for about a year and a half after I helped her get hired. She eventually left that job and hasn't worked for the past two years. During her last 6 months at that job, she stopped going regularly to the job, and she would go late most occasions and that would in turn make me late, so I would get frustrated and sometimes angrily tell her that my job was getting affected. Anyways she now feels that I contributed to this situation, while I honestly don't understand how. It's another source of resentment between us.

Another painful issue has been that we don't have children. Personally, I always felt that having a strong marriage mattered more than having kids, and if children weren't possible, I really didn’t have any issue with that. My wife on the other hand has struggled with it much more. She was diagnosed with uterine fibroids several years into our marriage and eventually had surgery. She's had ongoing gynecological issues ever since. I’m not saying that she is the reason we don’t have children, because honestly, we never got it checked out. But due to the constant issues we have had to deal with we never got around to that

I've never blamed her for us not having children because I don't think that's anyone's fault, but I know it's been a huge emotional burden for her.

When I look back at everything, I sometimes wonder whether the combination of losing her father so early in our marriage, not having children, feeling professionally unfulfilled, and being far from the life she imagined left her carrying grief and disappointment that never really healed. At the same time, I know I've also built up my own resentment over the years.

She has often told me she's unhappy because she doesn't have much of a social life here. I've always encouraged her to meet her friends or invite people over. Ironically, after we got married, I gradually stopped seeing many of my own friends because it often became a source of conflict between us.

These days I mostly work during the week, and on weekends we usually go out together for dinner, shopping, or a movie. This isn’t enough for her. She wants a much more active social life with dinner parties, gatherings, and frequent socializing.

So anyways, about ten days ago we had another disagreement. She had been planning to go for Umrah with a friend of hers who is living in Jeddah, but the friend cancelled their plans. She was understandably upset, and this then led to another argument about how I couldn’t take her for umrah. I suggested we plan the trip in a couple of months so we could organize our finances properly, but she wanted to go as soon as possible, which I told her was not a possibility as I couldn’t just take 10 days off from work without notice and also we need to manager our finances.

One thing led to another and well by the end of that conversation, we both admitted something we'd probably known for a long time.

We both agreed that maybe it's finally time to end it.

So here I am, 13 years after getting married, standing on the precipice of divorce. I will be submitting the papers this week for a mutual divorce.

The strange thing is that despite everything, I don't hate her. I think we genuinely loved each other. We travelled together, built memories together, supported each other through illnesses, career changes, and losing family. But somewhere along the way, love became buried under resentment.

I don't really know what life looks like after this. Right now my instinct is just to throw myself into work because I don't know what else to do. Part of me is relieved that the constant conflict might finally end. Another part of me is grieving the future I thought we'd have.

If you've gone through anything similar, even when there wasn't one obvious person to blame, how did you cope? How did you rebuild your life after spending more than a decade with someone who had become such a big part of your everyday life?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I just needed to get this off my chest.

I just need to vent because I honestly don't know where else to say this.

I've been married for almost a decade and I don't think I've ever experienced what people describe as a loving marriage.

There are no hugs. No kisses. No cuddling. No intimacy. No sex. If I try to initiate any kind of affection, I usually get pushed away. After years of this, I don't even try anymore because the rejection hurts every single time.

We are both in our early 30s and have kids. We both work now, although my wife only started working about a year ago. Before that she was a stay at home mom. Throughout our marriage I've always handled the finances. I help with the kids every day. I clean, do laundry, feed the kids, and take care of a lot around the house. I don't do much of the cooking, but I genuinely try to pull my weight everywhere else.

No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough.

I take my family out to eat, plan vacations, buy things for everyone, and try my best to make them happy. My wife, though, never seems happy with me. It feels like I'm constantly failing some test that I don't even know the rules to.

The hardest part is that this isn't something I've kept bottled up.

I've had this conversation with her so many times over the years. Every time she tells me she loves me. She says she's tired, stressed, or that things will get better. I believe her every single time because I want to believe her.

But nothing ever changes.

Now we've reached the point where she doesn't even think this is a problem anymore. To her, everything is normal. Meanwhile I'm sitting here wondering what it feels like to have a wife who actually wants to hug me, kiss me, or simply want to be close to me.

After almost ten years of this, I have absolutely no self confidence left. I feel ugly. Unwanted. Unlovable. The person I want affection from more than anyone else in the world doesn't want to touch me.

People talk about sex as if it's just about physical pleasure. For me it isn't. I miss feeling wanted. I miss being hugged. I miss having someone kiss me because they actually want to. I miss feeling close to my wife.

I'm stuck in this endless loop where I keep trying harder, hoping something will change, and nothing ever does. It's gotten to the point where I feel depressed because the one thing I wanted most from marriage, love and affection from my wife, simply doesn't exist.

People often say men have it easy. I wish they could see what it feels like to give everything you have, financially, emotionally, and physically, and still come home feeling invisible. To do everything you think a good husband and father is supposed to do and still wonder why the person you love won't even hug you.

As a man, I feel defeated. I don't even have the energy or confidence to argue anymore. Whenever I try to explain my thoughts or why I did something, I'm told I'm wrong or that everything is my fault. After years of that, I've mostly stopped trying. It's easier to stay quiet than to have another conversation that goes nowhere.

There are also things involving our kids that have happened over the past year that I don't want to share for privacy reasons. I know they have added stress to our lives, and I understand that. But I can't convince myself that's the reason for our marriage being like this because the first nine years were exactly the same. The lack of affection, the distance, and the feeling of being unwanted have been there almost from the beginning.

I honestly don't know what I'm looking for by posting this because I know what most of you will say. You will want to know the "other side" and find things to blame me for and that's just the sad reality of today's world. A man cannot be right, he has to be wrong no matter what. Honestly sick of everything. if it weren't for my kids, I'd probably do something drastic.

Asalamu Alaikum, I’m a young married man I have a beautiful wife and baby whom I do everything for but I’ve been very depressed for many months continuously I work so hard and we travel to different countries monthly but I’m just not able to completely be happy… I do want help and I need it fast I don’t want to hit a wall and have my babies see me like this

This post is taken inspiration from a similarly titled post that's gone out today.

The previous generations of Muslims were motivated via making a family that can continue the bloodline, create manpower that can keep your family afloat and help you ​grow your family tree, and many other reason.

The issue I'm facing nowadays when I'm in my mid-20s with a stable job, is that I'm being asked left right and centre if I have someone in mind.

Issue is, I always grew up in a family circle where I'm constantly told to be avoidant of girls, especially from my aunts and mum. I've grown up practicing lowering my gaze and only making friends with guys.

Just to be clear, I'm not paranoid by girls. الحمداللہ I got my degree sitting next to brothers and sisters and non muslims alike. Its not that I was uncomfortable with that. However, my motivation and aim was always to get a good degree, not to mingle with anyone.

Now that I'm looking to move out of my parents to a new city because of my new job, I struggle to realise what I want to do interms of a family.

I'm Muslim and I trust the rules that I follow, so I'm not aiming to go around to places to fill my desires of intimacy. Frankly, I have never been into that and its been presented as a disgusting taboo since a young age. Beyond that, I have a good circle of friends and go to the mosque so that support group is always around when I need to socialise. I genuinely can't figure out what else I need a sister in my life for..

Ps. I'm aware marriage is a command from Allah but parking that aside, I struggle to justify it on wordly means. ​​​

Salam brothers and sisters. FYI, I am using a throwaway account. I (M50) have been married for 28+ years to my wife. I think we’re both done trying to make our marriage work. The only thing keeping us together is our daughter who’s of marriageable age. I know everyone says that don’t stay married for the sake of kids but it’s harder than it sounds. I know there are other fears that’s also contributing to us staying together, including trauma bonding and codependency issues.

The reason for my post is to ask if anyone has been in a similar situation and how did you or how are you dealing with it?

I am 22 year old and I’m doing an arranged marriage. Our parents are planning for our nikah next year

The guy is from back home and I met him some months ago and we didn’t really talk about us it was just mostly all of our siblings sitting together and chatting. Since then, we’ve never texted or called each other.

There’s few things i am stressed about such as the visa process and finances. I’m worried that if we get married, I won’t meet the income requirements to bring him to the UK.

My biggest concern, though, is that we’ve never had a proper conversation. I really want to get to know him before we get married, but he hasn’t made any effort to message or call me. Part of me thinks maybe I should text him first, but I honestly don’t know how to start the conversation or what to say.

My mum thinks it could just be because of his upbringing or that he’s shy, but I still can’t help worrying because we’re only months away from our nikah and we’re basically strangers.

How should I text him and what do I say?

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته ,
I don't know why but in my marriage search I have consistently believe at this point i feel like it's a sign.

On various muslim platforms I have received expressed interest from older women with atleast 5 to 7 years older than me

For context I am in mid twenties and my potential is late twenties

But I know that the prophet's first wife example but still in today's era it's extremely difficult but I don't mind marrying someone older but I am not sure of their mindset when it comes to treating younger husband older wife

Does the house dynamics change ?

I want to hear from real married husbands who married someone older in age.

Jazakallah khair.

Tbh I am still considered young in my culture and I can go way younger or same age which usually is the norm but I am a bit hesitant of going over my age for potential search.

Title. I come from a background where extravagant weddings with music and freemixing are almost certainly non-negotiables, but i refuse to please the creation while displeasing their Creator. Looking for a way to navigate a situation where the sister and i are fine with a simple nikah, but the sisters parents absolutely refuse the idea of a simple marriage. Jazaakum Allahu Khayra.

We’ve known each other for nearly two years. We live together planned a future together. But every month he goes in a mood ignores me doesn’t talk to me. And now I’ve gone away with my friend for just over a week. And now he wants a divorce when I’ve done nothing wrong, as he said it was ok for me to go.
I can’t tell if he’s been serious

My husband and I have been married for several years, and we do not have children at present. At the time of our marriage, I was unaware that he had no savings and was carrying debt. I acknowledge that I should have discussed financial matters beforehand; however, as he held a good job, I assumed he was financially stable. We both work and have good jobs alhamdulillah.

A few months into the marriage, I discovered his financial situation. This was not the only concern. Around the same time, my husband began experiencing mental health difficulties, which, I later learned, his family had not disclosed prior to our marriage. Although we did not interacted extensively before marrying, during the time we did spend together, he appeared well—occasionally quiet, but otherwise fine.

In retrospect, I recognise that there were certain red flags. However, I chose to proceed with the marriage, believing that compromise was necessary, especially as he seemed to be a kind and gentle person.

My husband is a lovely person and he does help with housework, but his mental health challenges and financial situation are now placing a strain on me. Financially, he pays the household bills and pays half of the mortgage. I pay the remaining half of the mortgage, as well as groceries and my personal expenses, including clothing, toiletries, and car-related costs. Throughout our marriage, he has only purchased clothing for me on two occasions. When we go out for meals, entertainment, or other activities—sometimes he pays, sometimes I do, and at other times we split the cost or pay individually.

In addition, I have lent him money on multiple occasions and I am yet to receive most of it back. He says he will pay me back.

At times, I feel more like a housemate than a wife.

We never agreed on me paying half the mortgage or for groceries before marriage. It only happened as he ran out of money and then asked if I could start contributing.

A further concern is that he refuses to seek medical help for his mental health. He suffers from anosognosia, meaning he does not recognise that he has a mental health condition.

There have also been two instances where he has divorced me, both of which his mental health played a part.

I'm in a difficult position. I love my husband and my home, and I do not wish to leave. However, I am very worried about the future especially if we have children. I worry about financial stability and how I would manage if he were to experience severe symptoms, such as psychosis, in front of our children.

I know that rizq is from Allah, but I do worry because I feel like if he is struggling right now financially and borrowing money from me, how will he help to provide for me and our child if we have a child in the future inshaAllah.

I would be grateful for any advice, especially from those who may have experienced similar situations as I'm feeling really down at the moment about this.

May Allah Azzawajal bless you all.

Asalamualaykum everyone,

sorry i used chatgpt as i struggled to put this together myself,

I'm really looking for some advice because I feel completely lost.

Around 6 months ago, my whole life seemed to fall apart. Out of nowhere, I developed severe anxiety and OCD despite never struggling with anything like this before. I'm still trying to understand why it happened. Alongside looking at it from a mental health perspective, I'm also exploring whether there could be a spiritual component (such as the evil eye or jinn), so I've recently started doing ruqyah consistently along with my morning and evening adhkar.

My husband and I had our nikah done early so our relationship would be halal, but we currently still live separately with our parents. Before all of this happened, we would usually see each other once a week and everything was genuinely good between us.

The problem is that my anxiety became so overwhelming that I became scared of seeing him. It's not because I was afraid of him—it's because he's very emotionally aware and can immediately tell when something is wrong. I desperately wanted to "fix" myself before seeing him again, but instead I just spiralled further and further over the past few months.

Only about a month ago did I finally start accepting that this is the qadr of Allah. I've stopped trying to endlessly find the "why" behind everything and have been making dua, doing my best to manage my OCD, and trying to carry on with life.

On top of all of this, I've been taking an antidepressant which was prescribed to help me sleep and eat. Unfortunately, it gave me really bad emotional numbness/anhedonia. I feel indifferent to almost everything, and that has affected how I express love and affection towards my husband. I've explained to him that this isn't who I really am and that the medication has made me feel emotionally flat.

He could tell something was different, and he told me he's angry that I've become like this. He's basically given me three weeks to finish tapering off the medication and "feel like myself again," after which he'll decide whether he still wants to continue the marriage.

I honestly don't know how to deal with all of this at once. Managing OCD is already exhausting, and now I feel like I'm also trying to save my marriage at the same time. Some days my OCD is manageable and I feel almost normal, while other days it's really difficult.

For months I've kept asking him to be patient with me because of the OCD. Now I'm asking for a little more time because of the medication withdrawal and the emotional numbness, but he seems increasingly frustrated.

Part of me feels like I'm fighting to save a marriage that maybe isn't good for me anymore. Lately he feels very judgmental, and I don't know if that's because he's hurt or because he's genuinely reached the end of his patience.

At the same time, the thought of losing him absolutely breaks me. He's my best friend. We have the same goals, the same dreams, and I genuinely can't picture building a life with anyone else. A year ago we were happy, excited for our future, and everything felt normal. Now, just months later, it feels like our marriage is on the verge of ending, and I'm terrified of letting go.

Has anyone been through something similar? Am I expecting too much by asking for more patience while I recover, or am I holding onto something that may no longer be healthy for either of us?