I came out to my sister first. She’s bisexual. She has dated women, but most likely, from what she’s told me, will end up with a man. I don’t judge her for it, she is still queer no matter what, but I feel she gave an impression to my parents.

I came out to my dad 8 years ago, too. He got it. But I could tell he hid his feelings.

My mom told her friends I was bisexual. I tried to be, but I’m not. Me and my parents had a complicated relationship. My first therapist called it “emotional parentification”. But that dynamic.. the projection of their trauma & them passing messages through me.. honestly spreading (through me) their apologies about cheating.

I’ve never cheated on anyone. But I never fully trusted anyone, either. It felt like my parents wanted to abandon me, but they wouldn’t, so they’d leave food and money then go stay in a hotel… leavening me and my sister in whatever apartment.

There was even a point where they had apartments hours from each other, and they’d for the essentials, but everything else was our responsibility. After I was institutionalized on my own (I walked in alcohol-withdrawal psychosis to the hospital by my house), I was sent BACK to a rehab and.. well.. it’s a whole thing. I know a lot, but the opioids and alcohol I used to cope help it a lot from me.

All four of us are suffering, I just want to help. My dad is an alcoholic too. I want to get better, but I don’t want to lose my job. Idk, I think we all need inpatient behavior therapy, but it’s a while ass lot; and if I’m the only one to leave, when I come back, I’ll face being there problem.

Does anyone relate? What should I do? I’ve considered joining a company in Alaska to escape, but my main system of support is my co workers.. so. Any advice?

Approaching a year with new therapist. Some thoughts, no AI.

• Just to be heard and seen feels really valuable. I was here, this is what I'm going through, and someone heard me.
• As someone with no social circle, the value of this interaction is increased.
• Similarly, for FAs, the exposure to different thoughts and thinking patterns is more valuable than for other people.
• It is just 1 hour per week, at most.
• It is a luxury. I am grateful to have it.
• Everyone is different, so it may work better or worse for you. Everyone is different!

Even though it's all I ever wanted.

Goodnightzzz

I feel like I get nothing on dating apps. Like at ALL. I’ve been on quite a few for up to months now and only gotten like a few likes, and like I know I’m not the conventionally attractive hourglass twink but I don’t think I’m like… ugly. Yk? My hg got on tinder and within literally an hour she had like 50+ likes, and every guy she swiped right on she matched with. Now she’s dating the man of my dreams and I’m so happy for her but at the same time I’m so jealous. I don’t really know where I was going with this, like, does anyone know of any actually good dating apps that ACTUALLY try to get you to match instead of blocking you behind outrageously expensive paywalls?

I was harassed on the street by a random homeless guy a few nights ago. He chased me for several blocks, at one point physically grabbing me with both arms and stopping me. He was babbling like he was drunk, opened with "hear me out" but just became more insistent and graphic the more I resisted. He made it totally clear that he wanted to get me some place secluded and rape me. I screamed and shouted for help as a cop car passed by, but it was like they didn't see me at all and the guy just kept following me. I tried to lose him in a crowd of people but he kept grabbing my hand and slapping my ass and kept threatening me. I shouted for help more times as I passed through large groups of people along the sidewalk but nobody helped me. I even stopped in front of a bar and pleaded with a bouncer, but he just smirked and told me to call the cops. I went to the security desk of another building as he followed me in and pleaded again, but the guard also seemed amused by all of this. You know, amused by a big androgynous trans woman running scared of an old man off the street who wants to rape her.

Eventually I got away and found somebody who would fucking LISTEN to me, and I gave his description to an officer. The next day, I was too scared to leave my house at all. I just bought pepper spray, I've been holding it tight just to know it's there when I'm in public. I'm so angry at how this happened in a public place where so many people witnessed it and could have intervened, but I felt completely ignored.

How's this for a shitty place to be, I'm woman enough to be threatened with rape before I've ever been on a real date in my whole life, but not woman enough to be seen and loved by a decent person. It wasn't fun, it was really fucking terrifying. I feel even LESS motivation to put myself out there, knowing what's really waiting for me. And as I was thinking over all of this today, as if the universe really wanted to rub it in... A guy I met in a different state when I lived there two years ago walks into my work. I thought he was adorable, but he lost interest in me when he found out I was born male. I vented here last month about my long history with pansexual men, and he was one of them. I wasn't even surprised to see him, because I just expect the universe to pile on the hurt all at once. I once had a dream of seeing him again that ended in embarrassment and body horror. Nice to know I'm literally closer to getting raped by a junkie than being happily in love with a gentleman like him.

How is everyone?

i had this really interesting experience earlier. i got in this socializing discord server as i was searching how to improve my social skills here in reddit. i've been a shut out for a couple of months now and thought of finding a way to perhaps improve it or get back to how i was before. not that i am saying discord is the best way for it but the channel gives you platform to talk to random people through audio chat which ,in my opinion, is a start.

it has been a couple of days and i've had some consistent chat/audio chat partners. all are straight dudes and none of them knew that i'm gay. they didn't asked and i don't feel the need to disclose. earlier, we're having an audio chat with this buddy and a girl he knew joined. i think they've know each other for a while now. they talked and talked and there's only 3 of us in the channel so i felt really left out but it's fine.

what i've noticed is how he dealt and conversed with her. his voice gentled and sounded caring. their exchange of words resulted to giggles and a vibe giving an impression of love. i don't know if that make sense fuck but you know, like how a straight man behave to a very feminine woman romantically. i honestly do not know if they are together as i heard they're just friends but that's not the point. they are also bilingual and they way they switches to flirting in turkish and casual conversation in english is so...hot? or cute idk.

i'm not saying all straight men are like this but damn, i was reeking jealousy when i was listening to them. not because he's with the girl or something related to that but the fact how normal it is for a girl to flirt / have a relationship with a man and it wouldn't be seen as weird in general.

​

Larry Trainor aka Negative Man has the most gut wrenching, heart shattering, tear jerking, soul crushing story. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend challenging yourself to see if you won't cry. I dare you. I don't cry a lot over TV, but he had me questioning all my life choices all in the first season.

I'm 29, trans woman. I spent most of my early 20s very depressed and unable to get on hormones so I basically never dated, and rarely even talked to people IRL.

I thought maybe things would turn around now, I've been on hormones and I pass reasonably well, I've been losing weight and I have enough money to start dressing the way I want to. I don't think I'm objectively ugly anymore, and I even managed to hook up with a friend once.

But every time I try to do anything more it feels like I just run into this wall. It seems like everyone my age now has expectations and preferences they've built up from having previous partners, I don't have any of that. It feels like I have to date like I'm a teenager, but I'm pushing 30! And the longer I go without a partner it feels like the larger this gap gets.

post title. im stealth male and straight. im 4'11 though so the stealth part is questionable. everyone thinks im a gay man and it makes me want to not exist. i'm in my 20s and it feels like everyone around me in my peer group got to grow up but i didn't. my dysphoria isn't just gender related, it relates to how im perceived agewise too. i feel like other adults treat me like a little kid pretending to be one. it really fucking sucks because when i was young i was one of those kids that got called "mature" for my age.

i want a job and i want a partner. i literally just want someone to love. it isn't fair that i look fourteen and the job market is so slow that i'm unemployed right now. i also got called a good student over and over and was loved by my professors in college. not having a job, living off of my parents money, and not having a girlfriend (a cis straight girlfriend too; sorry trans folks but dating another trans person would just make me dysphoric) is all compounding on me. i journaled about it and i feel like im just going to die in my parents house having achieved nothing in life, surrounded by only my dogs. i feel like such a neckbeard and i can't even grow one.

i'm not looking for some shitty "chin up" type platitudes or for anyone to tell me that bc i look young i'll "be able to date young girls when i'm older" (fucking ew). i just want to know that other people understand. i feel so hideous and i want to stop existing.

I know it's not the most popular idea, but we do have a Success Story tag.

Like many of you, I've been here for years. I was here 10 years ago, and barring madness or death, I'll probably be here 10 years from now. And so if there's a success story every once in a while, what's the harm?

If nothing else, they remind us that things can change. We never know, right? It could happen. 🙂

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that. I'm not really sad about it; at least not the way I used to be when I was younger. I'm 56 now. I've been out for most of my life since I was a teenager. I'm Native American. I grew up and spent most of my life in a red state, although I lived in New York City for a short time in my 20s and New Mexico in my 30s. I've lived with depression all my adult life. I'm not a virgin. I've had a fairly active sex life, but I've never had a long-term relationship. Yeah, there's a lot of I's here. I get it. Much of my life has been unfocused with long stretches of aimlessness and immaturity. I have no savings to speak of. I have lost contact or let a lot of my friendships fall by the wayside. I stopped drinking about 8 years ago after getting 2 DUIs almost exactly one year apart. Now, I'm finally behaving myself and trying to assume responsibility for the first time in my life. I had a few opportunities that I did not fully take advantage of in the art world and film industry. If I let myself dwell on those I can really beat myself and consider myself a fuck up. That's my depression. I've had suicidal ideation for over 30 years. It's like breathing to me. Somehow I'm still here. Now I live with my brother and sister-in-law in my mother's house - the place I grew up in. She has Alzheimer's and dementia, which appeared and progressed after my father died of Covid-19 in 2020. I hate my living arrangement. They moved into the house and are taking it over. I finally took initiative and started a low residency master's program last year. I'm about to start the second year. I work full-time too. I didn't get my scholarship renewed for the second year, so I may have to pay my full tuition for the last part, but I'm prepared to do what I have to do to get it done. Anyway, I don't know why, but I needed to post this to get it out. I know you probably don't give a f*** about my whining. Like I said, I'm convinced I will probably be alone from here on out. I don't feel that I deserve to have a relationship with my life time of underwhelming losing streaks. I put on a decent front though. I get along with people in a fairly civil manner. I don't get sad and mopey about it all the way I used to. Being on two antidepressants and twice monthly therapy probably helps me get through the days. I don't rule out checking out early though. It's a comfort to me. (I know, after reading this I don't blame anyone for not wanting to be with a guy like me.) Oh, also, I'm on PrEP and I haven't had sex in months. Humans, we're full of paradoxes and contradictions, right?

I guess I have really low self esteem and body confidence issues and I literally have a panic attack at the thought of having sex and I had a panic attack when someone tried to kiss me. I think part of it is I have PCOS/PMOS like I have a lot of unwanted hair which I do manage but doesnt help.

Idk whats wrong with me. I want a romantic relationship with a woman one day. Maybe I'm Asexual but I'm not sure??

I used to be like omg why am I a virgin at my age and I realise its my choice like surely i could have gone and hooked up with someone from an app or a club by now. I just haven't wanted to. There is just such a mental block.

I think Im really scared of intimacy like not just sexual but like someone knowing me, being in my life, i barely know myself and im really depressed.

A doctor suggested I should get tested for autism and I was on a waiting list for that but i don't really see how it would affect my life if I was diagnosed or not idk.

From the ages of like 20-23 I had no social life or friends either, like I was still at uni, I didn't have a job, I was severely depressed and very socially anxious, I would just go from university to home, and on my days off like sleep all day and be v depressed.
over the past 3 years I've worked v hard to overcome that especially social anxiety. it was very hard work and I do have a few friends now who I am lucky to have, even a couple of lgbtq friends, which is lovely. But prior to that i literally felt like the narrator of "no longer human" like if youve read the first chapter that is how I felt to a T, like I didn't feel normal or like a normal person. I still have mild depression and its managed day to day but I still struggle to take care of myself to some extent like my room is a mess.

normal pople have friends, and date, and get married etc etc. I am lucky to have made friends but I don't ever see myself getting in a relationship, I feel I am too complicated for a woman to see me and think "I want to build a life with her."

In my dream scenario I would have a girlfriend who would be happy and proud to be with me, I know I would treat her really well and make her gifts and take her on cute dates to museums and art galleries, go on walks together. I guess I have a vision of a rlly wholesome romance lol like I would bring her soup when she was sick etc. Maybe I over romanticise it?? idk.

This was just a little vent i guess :')

I used to be against making such sweeping judgements towards any group of people, but I keep meeting pansexual men over and over again who are all the fucking same.

They're not really pansexual, not in the sense they're attracted and open to all types of people. It's just a cover. Almost all of them are looking for vagina-having shortstacks, and calling themselves pansexual is just a catch-all for anyone who fits that description whether it's a trans man or nonbinary person or queer cis woman.

If you're a tall, clocky trans woman like me, and you're just hoping to meet someone who will love you and treat you like the woman you know you are, you're absolutely fucked. It's never happening. At best, you will always be runner up to someone with a vagina, and at worst you will be wholly rejected and despised for being who you are.

If you're lucky, you'll find a guy who will hook up with you because you appeal to his curiosity or fetishes, but you will never be considered as a viable romantic partner. We have penises; bodies with penises are for casual sex, not for romantic feelings and spending a life with.

How is everyone?

I'm lesbian, ugly, autistic and brown.

I'd really like to say "that's all" but it's all that I'm willing to say at the moment.

I've had horrible social skills since forever and my only form of "personality" is subpar at best. I quite literally had to be taught when to smile or how to talk to people by NT's that have "adopted me". Masking is tiring and I give up appealing to the wider masses if I can't even attract the smaller masses in the first place.

I think that if I had a cute face or was somewhat Eurocentric in my appearance, I could possibly find a woman to go "aw, cute!" and ignore my apparent lack of social skills. I'm considered endearing to some and flat out annoying to most.

I reside in the small city of Boringtown, UK and the absolute minute dating pool is astounding. I think there's five lesbians that I know of. And I'm friends with all of them. I've tried long distance (got blocked immediately after I sent a selfie) and meeting people IRL (nope). I'd also like to quote one of the posts on this sub - "the venn diagram of people that I like and people that like me do not intersect".

I've attempted just letting people use me for whatever attributes I possess but they all leave once I'm dried up. I've been groomed, abused, but again, they all leave anyway and I'm left with a gaping hole that they stabbed into the hope gland in my heart.

I really want to say that I give up with dating and found solace in my isolation, but I've honestly woken up crying after having dreams of someone loving me. I'm going to be bitter forever, I suppose.

Yeah thet literally laugh at me. That's why this time I am on blank profile hearting everyone but not messaging because I will be embarrassed again

How is everyone?

For me it’s no sex, no friends, no partners. I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, ever. I guess it’s never too late though. I’m still on the apps and looking.

I do think the urges decrease as I get older. Which makes sense as I don’t think it’s common for elderly men and women to crave sex (at least I hope not), and I’m gradually easing into that category.

Some questioned the utility of the last video because it still seemed to fall back on potentially false assumptions. This video gets to some of that critique. This guy has some real points and he acknowledges the hollow platitudes. I can only assume that he’s actually spoken to people like us.

I just wish I were born a woman. I could have a boyfriend, maybe then we could marry and build a family. I'll never have that. I live in a place where gay marriage is impossible. But it is actually not about marriage. It's about people. I talked to many gay guys. I just don't like them. I don't want to date a "gay" guy, I just want to have a guy. But neither are available. A man will never look at me like they look at women. And I don't mean it about lust, but about love and admiration. But since I brought the sex up - I never had it and will never have it and I don't know anything about it. But I feel like anal gay sex us just a nasty parody of heterosexual sex. I don't want it. I would maybe even find a woman to fill this void but it is impossible too. I am ugly, fat, and weak. Nobody would love someone like this. I don't. I just hope it will be over soon