The picture is just how my friends reacted

When I started understanding queer topics, I always knew that I was part of the a-spec, but because of my hypersexuality I always thought that I was allosexual, although I knew that hypersexuality affects my perception of attraction, because I perceived my increased libido and spontaneous 18+ fantasies as sexual attraction, but recently I realized that I actually never had this attraction? I just started to move away from everything sexual and want to deal with all this less, so there was a place in my head for these thoughts.

Now I'm here...

I'm still getting used to calling myself that, but I'm glad that I started to understand myself a little better :)

I am so tired of seeing those posts going:

"My partner is (potentially) a Sex Repulsed/Sex Averse Asexual, what do I do??"

Often sprinkled in with the assumptions or plain out mentioning that their partner suffered from SA. Sometimes even details about their previous sexual experiences or any other PRIVATE details that have no business being on the goddamn Internet.

You know why they fuck me up so much?

Because EVERY SINGLE ONE of them has the SAME fucking answer and it's pissing me off.

"TALK. TO. YOUR. PARTNER.

NOT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET.

AND KEEPS YOUR PARTNERS INTIMATE DETAILS TO YOURSELF."

We are not one unite or a hive mind. That's like assuming all heteros do. Stop it. Use your brain. COMMUNICATE with your partner, stop oversharing on the Internet.

Watched the episode of House where he "cured" someone from asexuality.

It made me feel so uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels a like the writers just use House to be racist, sexist, homophobic and that episode it was our turn.

premise: this is the one night a year that premarital sex is legal

huh????? straight people wanna be oppressed so bad. this is WEIRD

10 years ago, I finally discovered that I'm ace. I was almost 50. I marked the day in my calendar.

"Why would you need that label if you like having sex" Sex-favorable aces exist. "sexual or romantic attraction, which aren't different" Yes, they are.

Hi everyone,

English is my third language so please bear with me if anything is unclear. I’m 19 years old in my first year of university im not sure if that’s relevant its also my first time on reddit.

I used think I might be a lesbian, and I’m about 80% sure of it. But what’s holding me back from fully claiming that label is how I am with women in intimate situations. I even thought maybe I’m bisexual but that didn’t feel right either. I spoke to some friends and one suggested I might be traumatized but I honestly don’t think so but I don’t know if you recognize trauma if you have it and I’m not really interested in therapy.

Here’s my dating history.

My first sexual experience was back in year 8 I attended at a very strict Catholic boarding school (I’m not Catholic myself) just baptized as one. I met this beautiful girl there a real stunner girl we became really close friends really fast she was super catholic and she been there since primary.

One day i think year 9 actually we were bunk mates she came down in the middle of the night and confronted me apparently she noticed I couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore and was always staring at her even in group settings and whatnot. She asked if I had a crush on her and I said yes. i kissed her stupid move ik but it worked out honestly I didn’t really like kissing I like the idea of it but not being kissed Idk how to explain it

when i was 16 she was 17 I realized I could kiss her body which felt better and actually arousing. doing that sped things up I then went down on her and that made me feel way more aroused. But when she tried to reciprocate I really didn’t like it It felt strange and uncomfortable.

My friends suggest maybe something bad happened to me when I was younger but I promise nothing did. I was never made to feel ashamed of sex or touched inappropriately as a child I never knew about gayness or sex really in this moment neither did she.

Even though I felt aroused when she touched me I didn’t like the feeling I think it might be about control idk. When she tried to go further like I did to her I stopped her and it caused a fight. She felt offended and hurt she thought I didn’t find her attractive or that she was bad at sex. It was the hardest thing i ever had to explain idk how i fixed things I thought she would understand that even when i give signs of wanting her i didn’t even tho that makes no sense.

I was the one doing the work in our sexual moments and I felt severely unsatisfied each time like a constant state of blue balls but I never told her because I didn’t know how to make her understand and I was afraid of losing her.

She then told me maybe something was wrong with me and that I needed more exposure to sex to learn to like it. I agreed we tried to go slow to make her happy but I never once enjoyed it. I would get really aroused when i please her but when she tried to help me it made things worse and I had to pretend.

I’ve never been able to reach orgasm till this day and I tried to masturbate I actually never tried I just touched myself one time and felt nothing and never tried since When I was with her was the only time I came close but it was still very limited. This cause alot of fight.

Our relationship ended after a big fight about this she thought she wasn’t good enough and i lied about it and she always knew i was lying. (she also realized that being with me was sinful which was a big reason i lied alot i just tried to save the relationship)

This year, I tried dating a guy because people say it’s easier with men. I met a nice guy who gave me butterflies but sexually it was even harder. We tried to take things slow I thought i was ready and went to his with intention of having sex we didn’t even go far we were in the beginning of kissing which i still didn’t like it got in my head and started noticing my arousel was limited and the more he touched me the more uncomfortable i felt i had to leave. he was super respectfully he took me home and he couldn’t stop apologizing which made me feel like an asshole I cried a lot afterward and never spoke to him again.

Now I’m really struggling Sex feels like such a big part of the world and I feel left behind. I want a relationship and I want sex in it but don’t at the same time. I want it, but my body doesn’t seem to. I know pleasure is more than sex but i can’t do anything without it leading to sex and i actively lead it there but i can’t do it and i don’t know what to do

I recently learned about asexuality through TikTok I saw a story that really resonated with me this woman who was asexual but in a relationship where they had sex regularly even though she didn’t like it she had to break up I relate to that a lot.

But I’ve never spoken to any asexual people and I’m not sure if I am one And i know nothing about it and cant find any experience like mine

i am beyond frustrated. Any advice or just community would be appreciated thank you.

Hey, all,

I'd just like to ask whether anyone has had a similar experience to mine. I have recently figured out that I am most likely asexual, aegosexual to be specific. The thing is, when I was younger, I did seek out sex a lot, but I knew even then it was for the psychological thrill it used to give me. It looked great in my head, and I felt all cool being so open to it. Physically, however, the sensation was always mediocre at best. When the novelty eventually fizzled out, I gradually lost all interest and found myself becoming sex-indifferent to repulsed.

What's throwing me off now, though, is the fact that I would look at people and think "I'd like to have sex with you". I am fairly sure it was a combination of aesthetic attraction and wanting to gain a higher number of sexual partners to boost my own ego, rather than experiencing sexual attraction. Still, I have not really seen anyone describing a progression of their sexual identity akin to mine, so I thought I'd ask, in case anyone could relate and was willing to share. :)

im an asexual lesbian and i definitely don’t feel sexual attraction AT ALL but i find that any kind of smut, porn, etc etc can be arousing despite the genders in it. im also the kind of ace that doesn’t have any desire to have sex irl.

i really never cared all that much because whatever was arousing was arousing and it wasn’t about the person, but i find myself worried a lot that this means i can’t be a lesbian. i only have romantic attraction to women strictly and don’t find myself being sexually attracted to anyone at all. ive engaged in some x reader smut but it never felt like it was about the characters really. i also am a writer and ive written a lot of things (f/f, m/f, from the perspective of men, women, gay men, bi women, straight women, trans women etc etc.) but i found i engaged in a lot more straight smut targeted towards women who are into men. im definitely not into men but i participated in a lot of m/f smut writing because the dynamics were interesting. i always felt like it was the dynamics of the story that were arousing and entertaining rather than the people but since i’ve engaged m/f to such a disproportionate amount of anything else (added detail im in a lot of fandoms that are very male heavy so whatever im reading/writing is for/from that fandom which is why i come across such a disproportionate amount of gender pairs).

i feel like this is normal for an ace—especially since fantasies/writings/porn habits don’t change ur orientation but ive never seen anyone talk about things like this. im curious if any other aces get this because i know i cant be alone. i definitely dont feel like im orientated any way sexually because i dont want to have sex and the idea of ME actually doing those things is not pleasant at all

I feel as if I've been down this line of questioning with myself every few months. My sexuality has always been described by whatever felt most convenient. I'm not bisexual or gay I'm a secret third thing where I awkwardly pretend I'm gay when someone assumes I'm gay, and say I'm bi when someone asks even though that's.. probably not correct either, because it's easier.

It's not like I'm solely interested in men, but it's not like women are all that appealing either. Sex only repulses me, despite my many attempts to force myself into situations with it. Like maybe it'll be different this time, and I'll be fixed and I won't need to worry about this ever again.

I do have a partner, he's cool. We were childhood friends, and he's ace-spec (he described it to me as he could take it or leave it, and doesn't care much). So it's not like I have heavy pressure from him. I do want a future with him. I can't help that when I look at how I feel 'romantic attraction' it isn't anything like how anyone else feels it. I'm entirely neutral about kissing, though anything more than a peck feels uncomfortable to just gross. I like our dynamic, but I just don't see the clear divide between platonic and romantic that I'm supposed to when it comes to him. I want a life where we share a house or apartment, but I don't care if we don't kiss, and I'm not exactly any more touchy than resting a head on his shoulder or stuff like that.

It just sucks. I remember when I was in middle school I came across the asexual label at least, identified with it heavily. But the response I got coming out made me stifle it down, and now I'm so deeply ashamed of it I'll call myself anything publicly but ace. And I don't even know about the romantic aspect, it's just confusing. I've never understood the difference between romantic and platonic feelings, more and more it seems like that isn't how someone is 'supposed' to feel. I don't get it.

I (25M)need some advice (and vent a little).

So my Bisexual sister (27) got engaged last December to her girlfriend of course I was super excited for her, but now it feels like one of the worst things in my life. I am aro/ace and have never been in a relationship in my life.

My parents have always been super accepting but my grandparents are a little old-fashioned,and although they have no problem with my sister marrying a woman they are now breathing down my neck to get married and as they put it make sure the family name is not lost. I am the only male from my generation which makes it even worse. I now have to Tell them at each family event that it is just not going to happen. But it's like they have a selective memory. According to them I just haven't met right person yet.

Now I really don't know what to do it's been half a year and they just won't give up.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes English is not my first language.

hi first post! (and im sorry if the flair is wrong)

sorry if this is super specific, but i was wondering if theres a specific label (or something close to it) for when you dont personally care for sex but youd be willing to do it for your partner?

like i said i dont really care much for sex, i can consume nsfw media (although i find some of it kinda gross to look at lol but thats probably just me) but it doesnt really do anything for me pleasure-wise. i dont really foresee myself having sex for my own enjoyment, but if i had a partner that wanted to do it id be willing to do it for them. sorry if this is tmi, i just thought getting specific would maybe help.

any help or advice is appreciated, thank you!

i’m an asexual. my partner is oversexual. yesterday i heard that he moaning the name of other man while he was sleeping. it’s terrible. i feel like there is something wrong with me. i really can’t give him what he wants. it hurts me

25M dating 25M for four years. We fucked when our relationship was new, but then we fell out of the habit. I was wondering if anything had changed between us and he said he wasn't sure if he liked having sex at all. It took me a little while to think through it but I don't think I mind. I still like our relationship and I'm not really interested in having sex with anyone besides my partner - and if he's not interested, neither am I.

I'm a very sex-favorable person and if my partner wanted to have sex I'd be super down, but I also think that if he never wanted that again, I'd be completely okay with that too. I feel more strongly about wanting to build a life with him.

Does anyone else here have a relationship like this? Has it worked out? I can really see a future for us but I don't want to kid myself if I'm ignoring a big incompatibility.

Hi I am hoping to drip my toes into the world of online dating in Australia and wondered if anyone has any recommendations of which apps are more ace friendly or even which ones to avoid.

I am mostly housebound due to disability so likely for now most if not all the interactions will be online. Happy to hear about your experiences in this context too and anything I should be wary of as an asexual dating online.

Thanks! :)

I’m asexual with a romantic attraction to women, i live in a country that is extremely religious and same sex relationships are nonexistent, I don’t mind since romantic relationships aren’t my thing and i never felt the need for a romantic partner. I do want to be loved but it’s not a necessity to me

However, I’ve always known that i am not attracted to men, not physically or romantically hell not even as friends I can’t stand them ( men from my country) and since I started my big girl job my family expects me to get married soon, to a man
The process is a random woman will call my mother and ask id she has girls in the age range her son wants and my mother will agree and suddenly i have a fiancé
For three years now I’ve been turning down all the “suitors” my mom would bring and not think about it, but she’s been pressuring me about the subject way too much telling me I’m going to be old soon and no one will ever want me anymore, I tried to tell her my reasons without telling her about the asexual stuff

Problem is she genuinely believes marriage is for one reason only : having kids
Now i have always known my whole life that I don’t want to have my own kids, get pregnant or even have sex, i see it in a very animalistic way and panic just thinking about it. She doesn’t get it she even told me i can get married to have a couple of kids then get divorced.

I don’t believe in the concept of marriage or the religion my family practices but I cannot say that to them or it will cost me my life, to be honest I consider taking myself out of here to avoid having this conversation again
They will never understand my point of view and will never accept me as i am, so I don’t know what to do anymore, every time the subject is brought up I immediately start crying uncontrollably and get super depressed and suicidal but no one takes it seriously

I don’t have enough money to leave for even a week, i even considered marrying a gay man to protect both of us but I don’t trust men enough to do that, they always press for children to “prove their manhood” and i will be stuck with a man and a child i hate and just be nothing like the rest of my bloodline.

If you have any advice please share, English isn’t my first language sorry for any mistakes.

I've always been queer, and used to call myself aro/ace, but frankly I think I forced the "sexual" part of things onto myself. "It", feeling it, and experiencing it, makes me actually physically ill. I feel like vomiting. It's not that I don't want it, and I do naturally feel it, but it makes me violently ill. I feel the same way with either gender I'm attracted to. Is it Asexuality? Or is something physically wrong with me?

I am lithosexual/Lithoromantic and I have been for many years now. The problem is, I yearn for a relationship; to be with someone. I have tried in the past, but none of which felt right or comfortable for me. I experience normal crushes, normal sexual feelings, I just feel uncomfortable with the concept of actually doing any of those things with another person.

I feel lonely allot how can I live with this identity?

so one time a person called me a perverted man for wanting to read softcore bdsm yuri but i countered with the fact i'm ace and the person deleted the comment soon after.

i want to know if this is a common experience with other ace men

Sorry in advance for the strange wording, as English is not my native language.

Asexuals may have libido, but do not need to direct it where and to whom, that is, asexuals do not have sexual attraction. I can feel it very clearly, although it's very strange. How do you describe such a phenomenon and do you have it at all?